


Dirty

by darkryuu



Category: Harvest Moon, Harvest Moon: Back To Nature
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-23
Updated: 2016-09-23
Packaged: 2018-08-16 20:31:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 13
Words: 287,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8116498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkryuu/pseuds/darkryuu
Summary: Koji has lived the positives of his family's life for many years. What happens when his whole world falls out from beneath him?





	1. Metaphor

**Chapter 1:** Metaphor 

**September 23, 2016 Note:** Here it is folks, the entirety of Dirty. Yep. It is complete for your reading perusal. Things I missed in that old note (Hell, I’m 27. I wrote that when I was 25) are this story features _very underage._ It did not occur to me that some may find this super troubling. I just dismissed it as ‘hey, it’s the 70s’ but that sounds “normal” to me as it happened in my family but I’d be skeeved the hell out by it today. So there is some “underage”.  
  
Additionally, I am still working on rereleasing the series on FF.Net. I had to take a breather from Leave Out All the Rest because…well, some of you know. When I realized I had a ‘motive’, I’ve been back to loving editing it again. I hope to have that up mid-October. HOWEVER, this story _WILL NOT_ be on FF.Net. I cannot do one damn bit of editing to make this thing pass for anything nor do I want to. This is a graphic story and it should be.  
  
That being said, as most of my series, as I write, things change. I think some of my conceptions of Step Toward the Future changed with this story and then rewriting Leave Out All the Rest even altered some concepts here. This story is constantly being molded so bear with me through inconsistencies.  
  
Now, this a _dark story._ There is violence, racism, sexism, sex, and other trigger potential concepts. Please proceed with caution. 

**(Old)Author’s Note:** Alright, so I released an excerpt of this like a year or two ago and finally decided I’d work on it. Strangely as I was writing it I realized…this is kind of like a gigantic ‘what’s going on?’ since we know a lot about the original Yagami siblings but we _don’t_. You’ve gotten to read and imagine their grandkids developing from youth to adulthood but all their growing years are through flashback… 

And essentially they still are. I decided that the best way to go about this story is to intertwine two stories I had planned: the base, _Dirty_ and _History_ which tells the story of Yamada and Dana getting together. Both stories are intermingled anyway so killing two birds with one stone is awesome XD 

Mmkay, so, all that said, I do want to set this up for you all: out of any story I’ve produced, this one has the oldest themes. Nearly every point in this story started during my super early days of being eleven or twelve developing these people. NO, all of those ideas WERE awful because I was a preteen _but_ the development that came as I aged was interesting, just not well manipulated if you catch my drift. But this is very much ‘old news’ to me and I’m going to try to make it fit for those that have been here with me for this weird ass ride. 

Some profanity, I guess, and a little innuendo. In the beginning, something of a dark theme but it’s nothing to be concerned over. Some slight spoilers for Step Toward the Future, Yume, and Street Corner. Let the transition from eleven year old craziness to twenty five year old craziness begin XP Enjoy! 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

__"Koji...what are you doing?"  
  
That was when they were Kamaishi.  
  


__It was scary being there again, in that dark house where nothing existed but the lack of light. Nerimaru thought it was peculiar in his youth. It took age to realize what darkness meant.  
  


__At four-years-old he didn't understand what his futago was doing. At four-years-old Koji shouldn't have understood what he was doing, standing on the railing of the balcony on the fifth floor.  
  


__He watched Koji from outside the door, roused by his brother's sudden absence. Koji was just peering down absently. All that was below him was pavement. Nerimaru frowned. "Futago-cha-n-n-n, what are you doing?"  
  


__Koji's head raised a bit. He finally looked back, those dark eyes of his glowing in sparse moonlight. Staring at Nerimaru for a moment, he finally murmured, "Neri-chi? Do you believe in angels?"  
  


__"Eh? Well...sure." What was with that question though?  
  


_Koji smiled. "...I don't think I do."_  
  


_And he jumped._  
  


"Koji!"  
  


Yagami Nerimaru, or to anyone else, Nelly, gasped in horror as he sat up in bed, gripping his chest. 

Looking around his bedroom in the farmhouse located in Mineral, he took a deep breath and fell backward. "...Shit."  
  


Rubbing his forehead, he shook his head. What was with that nightmare...? He hadn't thought about that in a while. Staring at the ceiling, Nelly reached over to grab his phone off his nightstand.  
  


"What?" Koji answered in lieu of greeting.  
  


"Just checking on you, asshole."  
  


"Don't call me at three in the morning and call me an asshole" Koji groused, the sound of him turning 

over in bed following.  
  


Nelly scratched his cheek, dreary, "Sorry. Didn't figure you'd be asleep."  
  


"Not usually but...well, it's none of your business."  
  


Smirking some, Nelly shook his head. "Got some tonight, huh? Aren't we lucky?"  
  


"Shut up. I'm exhausted so if all you called for was to harass me--"  
  


"No. I just...needed to hear your voice."  
  


The line fell quiet for a moment. He thought either Koji hung up because of that creepy statement or had fallen asleep. Or that it was his twin. "What's wrong?"  
  


"Nothing."  
  


"Don't lie to me, bitch. I die in your dreams again?"  
  


Nelly grimaced and sulked. "Maybe you did."  
  


Koji yawned, making a grunting sound as if he were stretching. "Nel, you're so nutty about that stuff, man. When have I ever been suicidal? I mean, sure, it was a little sketch when we were teenagers but that was just me being all weird and antisocial. Actual suicide's just not my gig."  
  


"...I know. But just...continue to humor me so I know the dreams aren't going to turn into some weird alternate universe."  
  


His twin snickered. "Yea, whatever. Can I go to sleep now?"  
  


"Fine, fine. Give Popuri my sweet sensual love..."  
  


"Fuck I will. Good night, Neri."  
  


"Night, Koji."  
  


Watching the call disappear, he closed his eyes but sleep didn't come easy. Koji was right...barely. His dream wasn't canon.  
  


Koji had looked back at him, frowned, and climbed off the balcony. But Koji could never know that.  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

Yukina Kaede sighed as she painted a commissioned photo of a client’s child. The shop wasn’t very busy lately but it usually wasn’t between seasons. She might have to go out and sponsor some art shows to rustle up more business… 

Her eyes widened when the door to her long time studio opened, signaling guests. That was rare…perhaps Angelo had someone buying a sculpture for their garden. He’d mentioned something like that. 

She never heard Angelo stop his hammering. Though she had other partners, they weren’t presently here so it was most likely someone just browsing…but, well, she could always use a break. 

Washing her hands of the acrylic paint, she wandered up front and smiled. It appeared to be potential customers, one a tall black haired man, another a blonde haired woman. The woman was gushing to him about one of the pieces hanging on the wall while he nodded, staring at it absently. She noted that no one was in the entry that worked there so she took the opportunity to greet them. “Hello, welcome.” 

The couple turned to her and the woman smiled, bowing “Hello. My husband and I were just browsing.” 

“Oh, please, take your time” Kaede offered politely, “My name is Kaede. Just tell me if you need anything.” 

She was going to go settle behind the desk, realizing that she hadn’t taken a break for the last four hours and had forgotten sunlight existed. Alas, the man stared at her with hazel eyes, seeming quite bewildered. “Um, pardon, uh…you seem familiar somehow. Have we met by any chance?” 

Hmm? “Oh, not to my recollection, sorry” Kaede apologized after surveying his face for recognition. Nope. 

The man rubbed his chin, his eyes closing some as he stared at her. His wife cocked a brow at him. “She seems a little younger than what you’d go for, baby.” 

Eh? A little startled by this sentiment, especially from a wife, the husband actually laughed and swatted at her playfully. “Nothing like _that_ , babe, I’m sure I’m ancient in comparison.” 

“Well…try me” Kaede lightly challenged. 

He told her his age and honestly it was still slightly shocking. It wasn’t like she’d even seen many old people since the serum but it just…was odd. “You’re actually the same age as my father” she laughed nervously. 

“And there you go” he grinned, “The age gap is wide enough that I could be her father. But no, there’s…something else.” 

“Hey, if her father’s your age maybe you knew him” his wife teased, going over to look at another painting. 

The man smirked at her, “I find that unlikely. Additionally I doubt his daughter bears that much resemblance to him. That’s usually what the father hopes anyway.” 

Kaede laughed at that, “Well, I wouldn’t say _that_. I do look a bit like my dad, I’ve heard. Did you go to Subami High School?” 

“Oh, I did” he said, startled, “So maybe I did know your dad. What’s his name?” 

“Yagami Koji.” 

The woman paused as the man fell completely quiet. Finally, he whispered, “…Koji?” 

“Ah, so you know papa” Kaede smiled, “He seemed to be a very popular guy in high school. I do run into a lot of his old classmates.” 

He quickly smiled as well, “A-Ah, yes, Koji…Koji was pretty popular. I’m…I’m shocked though. I didn’t expect him to have kids.” 

Snickering, Kaede went to settle at the desk nearby, “I hear that too. I’m his second child of four.” 

“… _Four_?” 

“Well, his last two were a twofer. Twins.” 

He seemed to digest this before nodding slowly, “…Twins did seem to run in his family between Tony and Jill and him and Nelly.” 

Kaede nodded slowly. Weird to be just a classmate but familiar with her dad’s family, especially after all this time. “He’s actually the only one that had twins out of all of his siblings.” 

The stranger took a seat across from her, stippling his fingers, “…This is going to sound very strange but I’ve…I’ve always been concerned. Is-is Koji okay?” 

“Okay? You mean health wise?” 

“Not—well, yea, that was a big issue too but I mean…happy wise.” 

Huh? Kaede frowned, a little confused, “I mean…I’d say he’s happy. I mean, he doesn’t seem _unhappy_. Why? Did something happen?” 

“S-sort of. But it’s not important” he blurted, quickly smiling, “U-Uh, we should be going.” 

Kaede was very puzzled as the man quickly stood, heading for the door. “W-wait, I-I mean, would you like his number or something? Papa’s friendly so I’m sure he’d speak to you.” 

“No, no. Th-that’s quite alright. It was nice meeting you!” 

Whoever he was was disheveled enough to leave the store without his wife. The woman stared after his shadow before walking to her with a soft expression. “Koji’s always been a bit of a sore topic with him. I’m sure he’d be thrilled to talk to him.” 

Then why had he been so weird? Before the woman left, she gave her husband’s business card and told her to tell papa that Kato Diana ‘did land that doofus’. Kaede was left all alone to piece together what just happened before slowly shaking her head. How very, very strange… 

She headed back to her workroom and set the card in her purse before realizing she didn’t even look at the name. It was strange, there was _something_ of an intimacy between them despite her never having met this fellow. She knew Uncle Keiba and Uncle Domon but those were really the only friends that papa kept from the past. 

Looking at the plain white card, Kaede was no closer to knowing who this was in her father’s life than before. Ueda Kurou? Kato Diana? 

…Weird. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

Yagami Koji sighed, wandering around his deck as everyone gathered inside for dinner night. As it were, half of his kids lived on the other side of the planet and despite the fact that two of them still were here, well…it never really felt complete nowadays. It was weird how he always wanted that, completion. Even when he was prepared to run away from something, he always came back. He always wanted to help everyone he loved keep it in place too… 

“Kochi?” 

Glancing over his shoulder, he smiled as Popuri wandered out to slip under his arm, giving him a kiss. “Are you alright, baby? I know you weren’t feeling well earlier.” 

“Just restless, Po” he assured, hugging her tightly with a sigh, “Between Nelly being all paranoid and a long night, I’m a little antsy.” 

His wife pouted, rubbing his lower back, “I don’t know how to feel about our ‘long night’ making you ‘antsy’.” 

Koji grinned lazily and kissed her forehead, “That’s the _fun_ kind of antsy.” 

Popuri stuck out of her tongue before grasping his hand, “Come on, you know you’re the host of all this.” 

Somehow. It was a simple _one-time_ idea all those years ago. Nelly and he hadn’t been keeping up with their siblings like they ought to so they said they ought to come to dinner one Monday night. Shin had gotten home from deployment, Tony and Shaun were off, Jill and Cliff wanted to see adults outside of their children, and everyone was available. The first night it’d been frantic trying to get together all that food while dealing with the younger versions of Kaede and Keiji, their two oldest children. The wives came together to prepare the food though after dismissing the men for being too ‘big’ or something to fit in the kitchen which was almost offensive but whatever. They had a blast drinking and chatting and next thing Koji knew he was hosting dinner night every damn Monday night. 

…He didn’t mind it so much. 

Going into the living room after he got a glass of wine and greeted his cooking family, he wandered into the living room. The depth of his family was almost endless by this point. So many grandchildren…he smirked as his teenage grandson, Yukina Skye, bolted into the room, laughing, with his other grandson Yagami Iori and his nephew, Jill’s grandson, Inaba Hayato. Kaede walked in another entrance and scolded her only son, telling him to ‘behave’ and take that running outside. The boy was gargantuan tall via his huge father so he leaned down quite a bit to kiss the top of his Kae’s head. She’d gotten her height from her mother. 

Koji was about to go greet her when, somewhat surprisingly, Motosuwa Keiba burst into the house. “Hey-y-y! I’m here to party!” 

Blinking, Koji stared at his long-time friend with some wonder. “…Don’t you think it’d just be easier to make up with your wife, man? I mean, you’re skirting around like you’re dancing with the issue and it’s getting a little crazy.” 

Keiba sulked a little, crossing his arms, “…I’m here to party.” 

He sighed and patted the man’s shoulder, “Party all you want, dude.” 

It’d come to their attention at some crazy gala their mother and father invited them to that Keiba had been cheated on by his wife, Fay, with her ‘masseuse’. Keiba called him ‘Jean Luc’ because he was a nerd but the bastard’s name was simply ‘Jean’ and Fay swore she’d never see him again to make it right with her husband. She…really was trying but ultimately Keiba just seemed to be fearful of putting it back together. Koji ultimately wasn’t able to really…commiserate in that vein. Should Popuri ever cheat on him, he’d… 

…He’d probably just pretend it never happened. 

“Ah, papa!” 

Koji smiled as Kaede came up to him, Nelly entering the house with his brood of grandkids to take over his conversation with Keiba. His oldest daughter kissed his cheek and he hugged her shoulder.  
“Hi, princess. What’s up?” 

She looked like something was eating at her and he was a little concerned. Was something wrong? “Papa, I met someone that knew you today.” 

  
Popuri came out with a tray of wine glasses to serve as he raised a brow. “Oh? Who was that?” 

  
“His name was Ueda Kurou. Does that ring a bell?”  
  
…Oh. 

Nelly looked up sharply and Keiba looked very surprised. “Wow, you saw Corey? That’s crazy! I haven’t heard from him since, like… _high school_!” 

  
Koji smiled nervously as Nelly’s jaw ticked. “…How did he recognize you?” 

  
“He said I seemed familiar. I guess he recognized some of papa in me” Kaede frowned, “So he was a friend during high school? Why’s he never been by?” 

“Oh, uh…no reason…” 

  
Popuri pinned him with a very _hard_ look. “You slept with his girlfriend, didn’t you?”  
  
“ _No_ , Popuri, I _never_ slept with his girlfriend. She was actually like an alternate sibling to me” he sulked petulantly at her. 

“Oh yea, Kato Diana said to tell you she did ‘bag that doofus’ as well.” 

  
…Oh. Smiling, somewhat taken aback by a memory that was so far off it seemed like it never happened, he was still moved it came to fruition. “Good.” 

  
Nelly’s eyes narrowed at him and Koji sighed. Really though? How many years had it been? No, wait, _decades_? Keiba seemed perplexed. “What _did_ happen between you and Corey though? You guys were really good friends then one day it was just super awkward. Honestly I was kind of with Popuri on this one, I assumed you slept with Di.” 

Koji growled, “Would _you_ have slept with Jill?” 

  
Keiba blinked rather slowly for a moment before rolling his eyes around and drawling, “…No…?” 

“The _f—k_ was that long pause, Keiba? _And_ the question mark?” 

Izumi, formerly Yagami, Jill leered in their direction. “Don’t make this about me, baka. Keiba said _no_.” 

It was a well-kept secret but Keiba did once ask if they’d be okay if he asked Jill out one day. They threatened to kill him before concluding should anyone _have_ to ask Jill out they’d be ‘okay’ with him. Alas, she came here and met Cliff before any of that could happen so oh well. Their brother-in-law didn’t seem quite as thrilled with the conversation… 

Sighing, Keiba gave him a rather weird look. “In all seriousness, Koji, Corey was like one of your best friends and then it just ended. You’re not that type of person so I always thought it was odd…just still, that was like forever ago so it just felt odder to bring it up after all this time.” 

“We don’t need to talk about it” Nelly said shortly. 

It had been different with meeting Keiba in kindergarten, he was both his and Nelly’s friend. But when finally in second grade, in primary school, Koji had gotten in a class separate from his twin he made a friend named Kurou, or, ‘Corey’. Like their parents, his parents were insanely rich, actual ‘old money’ in Subami. The Yagami had certainly built their status but originally it was well known they were ‘new money’ living on ‘old money’ property but no one ever really bothered them about it… 

All that aside, Corey was his really good friend from second grade to last year of high school…and Nelly _hated_ that. Yea, his twin had friends and Koji was totally okay with that but Nelly? No, no, that was just crazy talk. Come to realize that Nelly apparently was ‘sensing’ something from Corey. 

“Come on, tell me-e-e-e” Keiba begged. 

Koji looked around as everyone, namely grandkids, exited the room. Finishing his glass of wine, he drawled, “One night, while we were playing something on the PS2, we were…talking.” 

Nelly suddenly barked out in that stupid damned… _language_ of theirs not to tell anyone. “Uv niddo un roplem zoo en!” he snapped back. 

“Will you two _please_ stop that?” Keiba said dryly, his eyes closing some as Kaede and the newly present Keiji recoiled in confusion, “I’m not sure what age you have to hit for code languages to become obsolete but I’m pretty sure it was before either of you became grandparents.” 

“Ugh, sorry. _Anyway_ , we were…talking and Corey…may have taken that moment to come out as being bisexual to me” Koji droned, going to find a beer. He was _okay_ with this but…it was still pretty awkward. 

Popuri groaned, sitting beside him after he was handed a Heineken by Shin, “Are you telling me you started avoiding your best friend because he told you he was bisexual?” 

“Koji--” Nelly started briskly. 

“It…may have escalated into him being mildly attracted to me” Koji coughed. 

They all stared at him, bewildered. “You mean…Corey had the hots for _you_?” Jill demanded. 

His younger brother Tony snickered, “Did he not see the lengthy sexual history you had? Or was that part of the turn on?” 

“Shut your face, kid” Koji flipped him off, glaring, “… _Then_ me was a little bewildered too, yes, and I was a little freaked out but…whatever. He was still my pal…then.” 

Popuri crossed her arms, pinning him with a hard expression. “ _Then_ what happened?” 

Rubbing his face, Koji dragged his hand down his face and muttered the muffled confession behind it. “I beg your pardon?” Shaun, the youngest, said sarcastically. 

“We _may_ have been a little…drunk…and I _may_ have _conceded_ to…attempting to make out with him…” 

They all stared at him for a long hard second. Keiba broke the silence: “Awk-ward.” 

“You made out with a _guy_?” Popuri gawked, incredulous. 

“You make it sound like it’s an _awful_ thing! I remind you that our son is gay!” 

Popuri scoffed, “Of course it’s not an _awful_ thing but it’s _you_. Had it even struck you up to that point to even _be_ attracted to men?” 

“Nope…” Koji grumbled, flustering, “Didn’t…strike me during or after either. I mean, I don’t know, there’s just so much missing. Without boobs, where’s my cushioning?” 

His wife smacked him as Keiji’s brows slowly furrowed, “…It’s still…a little strange, dad. I don’t think I’d just say ‘sure, we can make out’ to my good male friend unless there was _some_ intrigue there.” 

“Koji was from the school of ‘I’ll try anything once’” smirked Keiba, “So I gather after the little make out session you got squeamish?” 

“…No” he groaned again, dropping his head back over the couch. “I mean, I was ready to drop it and say ‘dude, this isn’t me’ and let it all be tossed off on booze and drugs—I mentioned we were high too right?” 

“Now it’s making more sense” Tony snickered. 

Shin shook his head as Koji glowered, “It got ‘squeamish’ because…one of us…may have been a little more ‘excited’ about the action than the other.” 

“… _Wow_ ” Jill drawled, gaping and shaking her head at him. 

“He was _popping_ one while I’m in the mindset that we’d both be like, ‘man, this is crazy, let’s go pick up some chicks’. I was _horrified_ !” Koji threw his hands up. 

Kaede was clearly speechless as Keiji gazed blankly in the distance before saying: “Wow.” 

“Well…that does explain quite a bit now” Keiba admitted, tapping the arm of the recliner he was sitting in, “But you can’t be _mad_ , Koji, it wasn’t like it wasn’t _consensual_.” 

“I wasn’t mad! I was merely…confused, I guess. It’s weird for someone to go from best friend to getting boners over you. I didn’t help _not_ make it weird but he definitely took it to an unfathomable level for me and yea, it…made it squeamish. And! _I_ wasn’t the one that started the avoidance thing either, he did!” 

His wife crossed her arms, staring at him. “…How did you ‘end’ the relations?” 

“…I panicked and pushed him off of me before fleeing the room?” 

Mostly everyone groaned and he blushed, glaring, “Hey, that was back when I was _eighteen_. I am now the grandfather of _adults_ , cut me some slack.” 

“Your past gets more and more sordid every year” Popuri sighed as she stood, wandering back to the kitchen. 

Kaede crossed her arms as Keiji scratched his forehead, appearing not to know how to take this information. “This all _perfectly_ explains how he was behaving though. I asked if he wanted your number and he rejected it and ran out of the gallery.” 

Nelly stared at him heavily, like _daring_ him to reinstate this relationship. And Nelly had always acted like they were freakin’ _five years old_. Just because he had friends that weren’t friends with him did not mean he ought to be jealous! “Well, it’s just too bad because I would’ve talked to him, no problem.” 

“Oh good, here’s his number” Kaede smiled brightly. 

Wait, what? Confused that Corey ‘ran out and didn’t want Koji’s number’ but had given Kaede his, he took the card. Oh, it was Diana’s information… “Well, his wife left it but she seemed convinced he’d want to talk to you too.” 

“Koji, you haven’t seen this bastard in like _fifty years_. Why would you even bother?” Nelly snapped. 

“Um, more like _forty something_ , thanks” Koji snorted indelicately, flipping the card in his hands. “…But in a way you’re right. I haven’t seen this guy in a while and I don’t think either of us are at our ends because we haven’t talked.” 

Naturally his ‘futago-chan’ was relieved, wandering off to another area of the house where his kids had congregated. Everyone sort of left the room as he drank wine and remembered the time after the ‘relations’ he saw Corey. He was so…jumpy and wouldn’t even look at him, sputtering apologies. Koji may not have been as understanding back then as now but he had wanted to tell him it was cool, it was just a little…different and not really his thing. Alas, he took off without a trace and last he’d heard from one of his brothers he’d gone off to school in Germany? Okay, if it was that serious so be it. Koji didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable… 

Kaede came and sat beside him quietly, curling into his side. “…Papa?” 

“Yes, princess?”  
  
“I know what you mean. I have people that were a part of my own wedding that I haven’t seen in years and don’t feel are missing. Life’s…moved on” she murmured, “…But Ueda-san asked something very strange for someone that’s been ‘vacant’.” 

Koji frowned. “What’s that?”  
  
“Are you okay? Are you…are you happy?” 

…Was he happy? “…Was he saying it ironically, like ‘are you happy you wrecked our sixteen years of friendship by not calmly explaining you’re not attracted to men?’?” 

“No, no” she glowered, “…He meant it like ‘are you happy?’. He said he’s been concerned for a very long time but…I don’t know. Maybe I just read it the wrong way. I certainly didn’t deduce any of _this_.” 

Koji smirked as she gave him a smacky kiss on the cheek before skipping off. But… 

…Was he happy? What did that…even mean? Like what was that to worry about? Was he supposed to be unhappy? Was he not supposed to be okay? Yes, he worried and hoped that his children were okay and happy but what would cause Corey to think Koji was living otherwise? Yea, he wasn’t living the way he was _now_ back then but…well, frankly, even though he loathed the thought of that life _now_ he was certainly having a good time back then. 

Glancing into the dining room where Nelly was laughing at something with his only daughter Hoshiko and younger son Kyo, Koji slowly looked at the business card. 

Eh. What would it hurt? 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

They stayed near Subami, huh? 

Yagami Koji sipped his cup of dark roast coffee as he sat at one of the expensive cafes lining the inner district. Kato…well, Ueda Diana was surprised by his phone call. She’d laughed and said she’d figured he’d ignore the request completely. He admitted he was prepared to but figured what was wrong with a little nostalgia trip? That aside, he wanted to hear how she bagged Mr. Shy Guy after they broke up. 

“Well, aren’t you still devilishly handsome? The Yagami definitely don’t crack, I see.” 

He smirked, looking up as Diana appeared. She and her sister were always criminally beautiful with completely raven black hair and crystal blue eyes, like something out of a fairy tale. Alas…he promised to put the whole sister part out of his life, hadn’t he? Standing to give the woman a hug, he sighed, “Well, that’s the glory of being one of the eight gods, I guess?” 

“If that’s what you think” she teased, sighing, “I see your mom all the time. I’m just always too busy to go say ‘hi’.” 

Retaking his seat as she sat across from him, Koji stirred his beverage. “She’s all over the place for an old woman anyway, I’m surprised you’ve seen her.” 

She laughed, shaking her head, “What a jerk thing to say. Your mama’s _gorgeous_.” 

“I know, it’s horrifying” he droned. 

Diana laughed again and smiled, “So tell me about these ‘four children’ the master playboy magically had and then the woman that had the patience to have them with you.” 

He grinned lazily, “My queen, Popuri. I have two sons and two girls. Keiji, Kaede whom you met, Rosa, and Miru. The last two are my twins. Popuri and I have been together a long time, since I was 23…” 

“Ah, a caramel latte, please” Diana smiled, ordering from the waitress before snickering, “I’m surprised but I’m not. I always got a feeling from you that you’d settle down but…sometimes that seemed like a pretty crazy idea.” 

“I can’t blame you. I can’t think back to all the stupid s—t I did without wanting to throw up. Now tell me how you bagged the doofus. _And_ where said doofus is.” 

Diana sighed, “I asked him to come, honest, but you know he’s squeamish. That’s how I ‘bagged’ him as well. I went to Germany where I was going to be working with a research institute for a month and finally ran into him again. We started catching up, _well_ , one thing led to another and I ended up pregnant and he ended up saying he wanted to marry me and I’ve been with the ‘doofus’ since.” 

He smiled, “Which is a lot like what happened with Popuri and I. I got her pregnant before I went to finish my diploma in the states and come to find out she’s having my kid…I haven’t regretted one second.” 

“I’m glad” she murmured, staring at him before nodding at the waitress when the cup of coffee was set before her. She took a sip. “Have you gone to see Sei lately?” 

Grimacing, he smiled awkwardly, “…No. I have to admit it’s been some time since I’ve gone to see her. It’s just…I’ve been caught up in my fairytale for a long time and…it’s a little uncomfortable to travel back to reality.” 

“She loved you. All love’s like a fairytale.” 

Koji felt fidgety… he should have figured this might come up. Alas, Diana laughed warmly, “Calm down, Koji. Honestly, if you’ve told your wife an ounce of how many women you slept with between high school and college then she might actually be comforted that you calmed your jets for a little while.” 

Kato Sei, Diana’s equally pretty older sister. People deemed her a cold fish merely by appearance, by the way no one could tell what she was thinking from her sitting expression, by the calm demeanor she had. Simply he’d thought she was hot and he wanted to bone her, no questions, no feelings, none of that. Because of finding Popuri with that jerk bastard that was now unfortunately his baby princess’ father-in-law, he gave up on that idea of ‘love’. 

Nonetheless, Sei smiled when he asked if she wanted to come over, really enough for a number of his casual bed partners and told him to ‘shove it’. Stupid man that he was, that was just such a turn on. He went about… ‘practically’ seducing her? But then confusingly practical seduction turned into actually getting to know her and actually starting to like her and actually wanting to be with her. He swallowed, hiding his discomfort behind the coffee mug. ‘She loved you’. It…it felt like a betrayal to the wife, his very first love, that he’d give his life for, his everything, but he knew somewhere he’d loved Sei too. 

It’d been…a difficult time. They were happy and all but come to find out he was developing a tumor in his stomach. It wasn’t a very cancerous one but the results led to something of a cancer scare. It…wasn’t pleasant and everything else in life came to a hold. 

When it was all cleared up, Sei finally told him that while she was helping through his ordeal she’d been diagnosed with leukemia. 

Watching someone, anyone, turn from this breath of life to struggling to live was one of the first back to reality ordeals he’d ever faced, at least dealing with someone that wasn’t blood. He still recalled watching her fade before him and that warm smile she only showed to certain people. _‘I know you, Yagami Koji: the second I die, you’re going to start sleeping around again. I just want you to promise that you’ll find the other half to that necklace, okay?’._

‘The other half to that necklace’. Gripping the charm, so old but comforting, around his neck, Koji remembered her finding it in one of his drawers and asking him about it. He confessed what he’d deemed then a ‘ridiculous tale’ about going back to Popuri and them being together because she was his princess and him her prince charming. Sei had smiled and said she thought it was a beautiful story...later, the last time he saw her alive, she told him that story gave her hope that there was someone else out there to save him from himself. He…he needed someone to save him from himself. 

“So what’s your kid’s name?” he changed the subject. 

“Ah yes, our precious ‘Ryuji’. Such a knucklehead” Diana chuckled, shaking her head, “And we had a daughter, Dia. Oh, she’s with this boy right now that’s driving Corey _insane._ He’s from Mineral, where you say you live…” 

“Oh God, who?” 

“Luke.” 

Yeesh, Mineral really was a ‘small town’ if she could just name someone from there and he knew him. “Blue hair? Yellow eyes? Crazy?” he droned. 

“That’s the one” she snickered. 

“Mm, Nelly’s oldest son, Jyun, was really good friends with him growing up. Kid’s always been a wanderer and…pretty…strange” Koji frowned, raising a brow as he struggled to describe Luke’s eccentricities. The guy…really liked…smashing things? Namely…rock walls? 

Diana laughed again, drinking as she crossed her legs, “He is really nice and he’s settled down with Dia…but considering my daughter’s silent aloofness I was a trifle bit confused Mister ‘Always Hyped and Ready to Chop Trees’ caught her attention.” 

“It’s weird, let me tell you. One of my daughters married a German phantom chef and the other married the Lord of Tsunderes while she’s Miss Bubbly Princess.” 

“A phantom chef, ay?” Diana smirked. 

“Oh, he just reminds me of a phantom, I suppose…” Koji drawled ambiguously, playing off the slight slip up that could possibly reveal his son-in-law’s prior career. 

The woman gazed at him before tilting her head. “I want to convince Corey next time that he ought to come see you.” 

With a groan, he dropped his head back, “I…suppose he’s told you why we’re squeamish.” 

“Why you think you’re squeamish anyway” she said absently. 

What? Was there another reason? She sighed, wiping her upper lip of froth. “…There’s other reasons, Koji, but I do think he feels maybe he felt he forced himself on you?” 

“’Forced himself on me’?” Koji echoed, baffled, “I mean, maybe it was a little hazy for him but we were both kind of drunk and I did…willingly go along with it. Nothing was forced at all. What made him even think that?” 

Diana stared at him before murmuring softly, “I asked that too. I think maybe you ought to ask Nelly.” 

… _What??_ Now _completely_ confused, Diana glanced at her watch and sighed, standing. “I wish I could stay with you longer, Koji, but my work calls. Tell you what: I’ll text you soon and we can have a double date. I want to meet your Popuri, the mighty-Koji tamer.” 

“Oh yea, sure, that sounds great” he replied, standing and slipping the waitress a large enough bill to cover both their drinks and leave a substantial tip. 

“Such a gentleman” Diana winked, heading for the exit before pausing, once again staring at him. “…You do look happy, Koji. I’m glad.” 

“…You too, Di.” 

She smiled and waved as she walked away. What the hell was that cryptic meeting? ‘Ask Nelly’? What did Nelly have to do with… 

Oh, for _God’s sake_. He glared as the gears started turning. ‘What did it have to do with Nelly?’. Nelly probably threatened his life and told Corey all sorts of stupid bulls—t to get him to stay away. That crazy ass bastard. Pursing his lips as he headed toward his mother’s shop to see if she were there since he was already in the neighborhood, he decided to just let it be. If Nelly _did_ do that it was a long time ago and it was a little _too_ long ago to be digging it up now. 

Except…why all the concern over his happiness? Was it…was it Sei? That…that didn’t make sense either though, right? 

…Weird. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_“He's absolutely gorgeous, Dana.”_

_Hachiko tugged the ribbon on the front of the green sailor uniform of their middle school. Hachiko had moderate sized breasts, probably good for their age...she was showing them off for a reason. Probably the older guy she usually went for._

_Dana pursed her lips disapprovingly at the girl as she even shortened her skirt a bit by hiking it up. “Why can't you just date a presentable man? Chester is quite smitten with you.”_

_“Chester's also quite boring” Hachiko rolled her eyes, grinning toward Harumi, their other friend. “He's a half-breed.”_

_“Ooh, they're nice” Harumi grinned, “Wouldn't you say, Chitose?”_

_Their last friend nodded in agreement. Dana rolled her eyes, “And what about them is nice...?”_

_They all just giggled. Dana wasn't even really sure why she was going on this venture to begin with aside from the thought that she needed to observe this fellow. Hachiko was in an arranged marriage and shouldn't have been dating to begin with. Not to mention they were just fourteen. While she could say the guy was almost a pedophile it wouldn't be the first time she told a fellow she was sixteen or seventeen._

_Half-breed... “What are his 'halves'?”_

_“His mother's Japanese and he says his dad was American” Hachiko explained._

_Dana let out a breath and shook her head. Nice? What was...nice about that? Perhaps something perverse, that's usually what she was remarking about._

_“Who was his father or mother?” Dana asked next._

_“Dana, this might kill you but he's sickeningly poor. He's just dropping by the park today between his night shift as a guard. Usually he's working as a mechanic or taking odds and ends stuff.”_

_Dana blinked languidly at her. Hachiko pouted, “Well, I can tell you're being judgmental.”_

_“I'm more bothered you'd think I'd 'kill you' for liking someone that works that hard to survive. It's admirable...but knowing you he's probably some...pimp.”_

_Hachiko waved a hand, “You're just prudish, Dana. Guys having multiple sex partners is just the scene right now.”_

_Yea, she was against that 'scene'. She was against most of this...Crossing her arms once more as they entered the park, she scowled as Hachiko giggled, waving._

_Dana's eyes widened at the figure seated, slouched, on a park bench. He was wearing a pair of torn jeans, wearing perhaps a simple white shirt under a beat up gray hooded sweatshirt. Between his lips was a white cigarette, the end smoldering as he inhaled. Hachiko scurried to him...he looked..._

_Standing, Dana and the others eye's widened. Yea, sure enough, he definitely had outside blood. He was at least 6'1”. Not to mention he was blond with the clearest blue eyes..._

_Hachiko gave him a rather passionate kiss when he withdrew his cigarette momentarily. Dana hadn't been privy to such blatant displays of affection before but she didn't imagine they looked quite like this. Hachiko's boyfriend looked like he was...bored?_

_Replacing the cigarette in his mouth when he pulled away, he blinked at them absently. “...Brought friends?”_

_His voice was rather deep. Not baritone but deeper than most guys in their junior high school class. Naturally. He had to be almost seventeen, eighteen..._

_“Yea, I brought them to meet you” Hachiko nodded._

_More like show him off. Dana wasn't particularly interested in pretty boys and that's what he was: a straight up pretty boy. She sighed, dejected by her friend's lack of sense, dating an older high school delinquent pretty boy, and looked away._

_“--And this is Chitose. Oh, and that's Dana but you can ignore her. She's pretty snooty when it comes to guys.”_

_Dana leered back when she heard her name. She almost stiffened when she found the guy staring at her flatly. Those eyes..._

_Blowing a thick billow of smoke almost right into her face, he remarked: “Weird. You all get held back? Those are Miba Junior High uniforms.”_

_Hachiko squeaked. Oh dear, Hachiko, he was brighter than he looked, Dana thought dryly. “Yes, we go to Miba Junior High. Didn't know?”_

_“...Doesn't particularly matter to me” he retorted apathetically._

_“Yes, I wouldn’t expect scruples” she said drably._

_  
“You’re right, Hachi: she is snooty. Kind of bitchy too” the man remarked, his eyes narrowing somewhat, seeming unimpressed._

_Hachiko squealed as he started to walk away without another word. “A-Ah, wait, about tonight--”_

_“Come by if you want.”_

_“O-Okay!”_

_Ugh. Hachiko gave her an angry look. “Ooh, why couldn’t you deny it, Dana?!”_

_“Because he **knew** we had Miba uniforms. What use was it to say ‘oh no, you’re mistaken’ when he knew right off the bat?” Dana demanded. _

_Huffing, Hachiko squared her shoulders, “He’s **good looking** , Dana. The smart part doesn’t apply. If he thought we were older how much more would it be to keep the lie and tell him otherwise?” _

__Dana raised a brow. Somehow, she’d wanted to say ‘that’s not likely’. He’d probably known all along she was ‘younger’ but that she’d be dull enough to wear her uniform was open game for finally calling her out on it. And… “Who said ‘good looking’ doesn’t mean ‘smart’?”  
  
“He dropped out his last year of middle school. Who does that? And he’s a mechanic and a guard? He doesn’t have any actual skills” Hachiko scoffed, “Man, Dana, sometimes you’re downright uppity and other times you just give people too much credit. Learn to read the situation.” 

_“That’s all irrelevant anyway” Harumi purred, “What’s his name? Maybe papa will need his car fixed…”_

_Dana rolled her eyes at that stretch of an innuendo while Hachiko swatted at her. “Oh, maybe. In case you need ‘service’, his name is Yamada.”_

_“What’s his first name?” Chitose asked coyly._

_“That’s the weird thing: that **is** his first name. His last name is Yagami. How weird is that! Two last names!”_

_They giggled about it and Dana was just confused. Yagami Yamada? It…almost didn’t sound like a real name. He didn’t seem real himself._

_Weird. And suspicious._

“And…there.” 

Dana smiled as she finished the last touches on one of her loyal client’s dress for the gala in Paris next month, checking the entire gown over for any flaws. She’d been cranking along on this one for a while so hopefully the woman was still happy with it by the time she put it on. 

“Mm…” 

Looking up, she blinked as the figure lying across her chaise lifted his head and rubbed his temple. He looked around sleepily before staring at her in a daze. “How long have I been asleep?” 

“Depends. How long have you been awake?” 

He made a face and stood to stretch before scratching the back of his head. “I was awake eighteen hours. I’ve been asleep…?” 

“Seven. Thus you have made up for not even half of that” she leered. 

Petting wrinkles out of the back, she smirked as he laid his head sideways on her shoulder. “I didn’t come here to sleep, you know?” 

“I know” she sighed, reaching back to rub his hair, “But I do enjoy our time together even if you sleep through it.” 

Dana smiled as he hugged her waist from behind, kissing the top of her head. She ran into Hachiko with her husband about seven years ago with Yamada at her side. The woman snidely remarked that she remembered when Yamada wasn’t good enough for her and the second he becomes a doctor he’s ‘presentable’. 

Her serenely calmed down husband eased her ire and told her that the only reason he was a doctor was because what he was had been ‘enough’ for her. She wasn’t certain what he meant at first and it all sounded insulting but…the truth was she’d have taken that Yamada that worked three jobs to support his family just as happily. Back then she’d…she’d been prepared to sacrifice it all too but… 

…But some people ignored the will of others. Some people…didn’t care what the consequences were at all. 

Feeling tensed and nauseous, she forced her smile back as her husband rubbed her arms. “Why don’t you allow me to convince you _this once_ to leave work to your assistants, get a nice hot dinner with me, have a nice long bath, and we’ll snuggle in _bed_ , not whatever surface we happen to sit on first?” 

“Is that before or after you get drawn into some surgery you don’t really have to be involved in but want to?” she heckled teasingly. 

“If my workaholic wife can say no to starting another dress for the evening then this workaholic husband can deny the temptations of going to work.” 

Dana held his hand and nodded, closing her eyes. “Will you rub my back for me and give me a massage too?” 

“That might alter the cuddle portion I had planned…” 

She smirked and turned to swat at him. Such a closet perv. Her husband was so sweet and gentle…around everyone else. With her, she saw cracks and breaks in the façade but what was underneath was what she’d always loved anyway. 

“This is an odd sight. You two are actually in the same room?” 

Dana sulked toward the entry where her second oldest son stood, his arms crossed as he blinked at them. “Yes, _you_ , your father and I see a lot more of each other now that he’s retired.” 

“Dad’s the hardest working retired man I know. He works more than working people do” Koji snorted. 

“Hello, Koji” Yamada sighed, taking his place back on the chair while she cleaned up, “I do _probably_ work a little too much maybe.” 

Koji snickered, giving her a kiss on the cheek, “Yea, seeing as retired means not working in the job you retired from. But I guess I’d have trouble sitting still myself.” 

“You wouldn’t make it a minute. Now what brings you to Subami anyway?” she questioned. While her children did come see her quite a bit it was still fairly…rare for just Koji to show up. 

He sat in one of the plush armchairs, crossing his legs, “I had coffee with Kato Diana.” 

Kato Diana? Eyes widening, Dana looked to him. “I haven’t heard that name in a while. How is her family doing?” 

“Eh, I didn’t really get that far, she had to leave for work. She married Kurou—Corey. They have two kids, probably around the same age as Kei and Kae.” 

_Another_ name she hadn’t heard in a while! “Oh my God, did you see Corey?” 

Koji shook his head and she sulked, “I don’t know what in your shenanigans that you did to that poor sweet boy but it was a _travesty_!” 

Scoffing haughtily, Koji waved a hand, “Seems like it wasn’t _me_ as much as I thought but your clingy ass third child.” 

Dana groaned heavily, mostly because she knew precisely what he meant right off. Nelly never accepted Koji’s…‘independence’ in certain areas. Her oldest twin wrote it off as clinginess but…there was more to it than that but it should stop. It…it didn’t show any signs of breaking. 

Absently Koji looked to his phone, raising a brow, “I’ve been noting something in the news and some guys at work were talking about it but one of the Kamaishi is getting out of prison?” 

She froze. Eh? Yamada slowly looked up, his blue eyes blank, “…Which?” 

“The news report didn’t say. I mean, I don’t really remember them that well anyway but I thought you guys ought to know” Koji sighed, standing, “Anyway, I’m going to surprise my Po with a night out and a movie, I think. I’ll talk to you guys later.” 

“A…alright” she whispered before rasping, “Koji!” 

“Mm?” 

…Many Kamaishi went to jail for what they did. Smiling quickly, she walked over to him and tugged him down to kiss his forehead, “Be careful on your way home, alright?” 

“Alright…?” 

He waved slowly and Yamada weakly returned the gesture, quickly digging his phone out of his pocket once Koji was completely out of Yagada. “Woul-would they actually let that _monster_ out?” 

“The sentence…the sentence is up” Dana whispered. 

“But they extended it!” he proclaimed, scrolling through his phone, “They extended it at least another fifteen years!” 

Dana gazed at her frantic husband helplessly as he bit his lip, finding the news report before gritting his teeth. “…Damn it.” 

“…How about…that nice evening?” she murmured. 

If things were still the way she understood them, it’d be their last one for a while. Just… 

Just hold strong, Koji. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_In the mid-70s, Subami was very…Americanized. It was considered a trait of ‘wealth’ in that area to forego Japanese traditions. There were very American expensive cars in front of their massive houses and American style businesses that sold American-like products. Dana was proud her household maintained their cultural traditions but it was hard to not be somewhat out of touch when all around her was someone else’s heritage._

_Hachiko told her, adding ‘like you’d ever need it’, that Yagami Yamada, Two-Last Name-san, lived in Wasaba. Wasaba was the ‘dirty slums’, according to her father, where ‘commoners’ lived. Apparently many of the workers in Subami came from Wasaba though so she sometimes pondered to herself why he was so critical, they were the ones keeping his businesses operating…_

_Walking up the street, wearing a houndstooth overcoat from some typical place somewhere expensive, Dana absently looked into one of the garages on the outskirts of Subami which started entering into the suburban area of Hondo. Sometimes she liked to walk about and see the city…_

_And naturally there was ‘Yagami Yamada’, spinning a wrench underneath the hood of some…strange looking vehicle, unlike the Mercedes Sakata-san, their driver, drove them around in. It appeared…interesting. Walking in, she looked around before clearing her throat. Yamada looked up before looking back to his task. “I wouldn’t think the princess would walk into a garage. You might get oil on your cloak.”_

_She glowered at his sassiness, crossing her arms, “I’ll have you know I often go survey our drivers taking care of the cars. Working with one’s hands is a skill.”_

_“Oh, I’m sure you’d know.”_

_It got under her skin…for that was precisely what she wanted to do but she was told that it was lowly. “There are many things I’d like to do with my hands but I’m forbidden to.”_

_Dana stiffened when he looked up at her with a smirk, a streak of black across his tanned cheek. “…I get what you’re saying but I wouldn’t toss that line around with guys, you dig?”_

_With a huff, she rolled her eyes, “Because it’s all perversities with men. I ‘dig’.”_

_“Hand me a thirteen millimeter, will ya’?”_

_She was alarmed when he just handed her the wrench he was holding without looking up. Taking it from him, she noted it had a spot of oil on it…handing him the desired wrench, she wiped off the other with a cloth. “Well princess, I can tell you from the perspective of someone that can’t do what they want because they have to do all they can to survive that it sucks. ‘M Sure you got a whole lot of expectations and that bulls—t but if you’ve got endeavors other than your empty-brained friend then you oughta’ do it.”_

_Dana thought she should be…offended for Hachiko, but the girl had always called endeavors ‘foolish’, especially if it meant working or anything aside from having fun or riches. It was an…empty idea. “Why sleep with her then? Because she’s ‘empty minded’?”_

_“Because she’s a willing human being and I’m a willing guy” he shrugged, standing up straight. “…Take it such things don’t strike the ‘pure’.”_

_Glaring at his insinuation, unable to help blush, she snorted, “Whatever strikes me is my concern, I just don’t understand the overwhelming…lust.”_

_Yamada blinked, wiping his hands in a giant sink before his blue eyes closed some. “My mother always says that when it’s the right person it’s not a lust but a need, a desire for that person, not the act. Unfortunately, I don’t quite believe that. I’m not going to spend my life hoping I find someone like that so I take it where it willingly comes to me. Nothing more, nothing less.”_

_“Sounds sickeningly unfulfilling. Very questionable from someone that says to chase his dreams.”_

_He laughed shortly, wiping his hands on a towel. “My dreams are to survive anyway I can, kid, not by chasing dreams. That’s all I want and that’s all there is for me. I don’t get nice little endeavors, I just get to make ends meet. That’s why you should embrace the hand dealt to you.”_

_Dana swallowed before pursing her lips. “…If that’s your twisted reasoning. I best be going.”_

_“See ‘ya.”_

_“…Before I go, what is this?”_

_“This?”_

_“This…car.”_

_Yamada set the wrench back in the container, closing the top to the toolbox before smiling rather bitterly. “Beautiful, isn’t she? A 1975 Toyota Celica. Made with the same dynamics as America’s Ford Mustang. A…bastard, if you will. Both worthy of disdain and wonder, some would call it magnificent. Others…they might call it a mistake.”_

_She stared at him before shaking her head, “I thought it was interesting. Worth taking a ride.”_

_Her heart had pattered when he suddenly grinned, actually winking, “Really, kid, you need to be careful with those metaphors.”_

_That was the beginning…of everything that had been so perfect in her life._

_…And all the darkness._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

End Note: 

First thing’s first since I’m sure Legacy people are like ‘ _wtf you mean Koji had another woman, huh_?!’. Note that Popuri and Koji are my longest OTP _ever_ and it has _always_ been this way. HOWEVER, Sei originally served in my first stories as Koji’s ‘breaking point’. He didn’t figure he’d love anyone else after her…until, of course, he met Popuri. So yes, she was always designed to die. Poor thing. 

‘So Koji and a guy??’. I am going to _attempt_ to explain this because it’s utter _insanity_ but bear with me. Mmkay. No…seriously. Okay…when Sei died, in a…metaphorical sense but apparently also literally…she left some of her spirit in Koji? And…Corey, also in the original Koji’s best friend, picked up on the femininity of Sei’s spirit in Koji…and became attracted to him and…may have _originally_ kind of forced a kiss onto Koji. Can I say ‘dumbfounded’ over the stupidity of it all? No, it’s…it’s even more than that but that’s what was written. Here, in quasi-logical times, Corey is just bisexual and not inadvertently in love with the ghost of Koji’s girlfriend. I’m so dead right now. 

Moving on. Keiba, Koji and Nelly’s friend that appeared primarily in Step Toward the Future and cameoed in Yume and the short story ‘In the Bar’, mentions his wife cheating on him. This was mentioned in the latter story. Keiba and Fay are also characters from the original story. In that version Koji met him in college but here they’ve been companions since kindergarten. 

I really want to make a map one day, I’m just…terrible at it. Alas, Subami is where a good amount of the stories have visiting moments to because that’s where Dana works, Mark (from Yume) lives meaning where Chihaya grew up, and additionally where the fab six grew up too. Subami is fictional and also quite old. Originally, Koji and his siblings were left in Wasaba and their mother was forced to live in Subami before they eventually joined her. Wasaba was always the ‘slum’ area as well. This place was mentioned in Miru’s first Street Corner. 

This is one of those things were I’m just like ‘woah, really?’ but, even with my shoddy timelining, I’ve always come to calculate that Yamada and Dana were meeting in like…1979 or something x.x It’s…alarming, to say the least, but I’m trusting sketchy mathematics. I will say the research for Japanese imports from the 1970s found me my next baby. Bwahahaha. 

Ciao for now~ 


	2. Sanctuary

**Chapter 2:** Sanctuary 

**Author’s Note:** Hmm, pretty sure I’ve had that title before but jeez, I’m running out of chapter titles. 

Some smutty stuff. Next on my release list should be Kamon’s ordeal…which I hope to make fairly short since I’ve so little time lately. For now, enjoy some oldies flashbacks and Koji and Popuri. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_“You hiding from something, kid?”_

_Kobayashi Dana glared as she sat on the toolbox in the shop where Yagami Yamada, if that were his real name, worked. He was working on a Rolls-Royce today, the brutal cold outside offset by the space heater he had in the corners and the thick pair of overalls he was wearing along with a cap over his somewhat long blond hair. His peachy skin had smears of oil here and there as he wiped his face with the back of his hand, seeming annoyed. “F—king Euro cars. F—king pieces of s—t.”_

_She stared at him drably, resting her cheeks in her hands after resting her elbows on her knees. “I thought European cars were the crème de la crème.”_

_“Nicely designed, pain in the ass to work on. Now, you never answered my question. I dunno when you decided to become my damn sidekick here.”_

_Dana sulked, crossing her legs. “Today at least Hachi said she was going to come and ‘give you a treat’ at work. I thought I might try to dissuade her from acting heinously.”_

_Snorting, Yamada went to sit in the car to try to turn it on. “What does she think this is, a porno? I don’t have time for her to ‘give me a treat’, I gotta living to make before I mess around.”_

_That was one promising point she could say for Yagami, he had little patience for a whole lot of shenanigans, especially if it got in the way of his jobs. One night at a sleepover recently Hachiko kept calling him after midnight for some unsightly reason. After about the fourth time, he finally picked up and told her to stop ‘f—king around’ before he got mad. True to Hachiko, she whined and complained and he told her he had to be at work in three hours, he had no time for fun and games. Dana could respect that a little._

_He came back to the front of the car with a sigh, scratching his cheek before looking up at her. “That might explain for today but it doesn’t explain for your last few impromptu visits. Don’t you have dresses and tea to go shop for?”_

_Dana glared. “No. This might strike you as strange, Yagami, but I really don’t have much of ANYTHING to do. I’ve done my homework and my other options are to read or sleep.”_

_Yamada raised a brow, grabbing another tool. “You’d think with money you’d have something else to occupy your time.”_

_“You’d think.”_

_Rolling his eyes, he started adjusting something on one of the spinny do-dads in there. “What’s that?”_

_“The alternator.”_

_“What? What does that do?”_

_“Gets the juice to the battery to keep it running. Seriously, go find something to do.”_

_Dana scowled, “God, I’ll be quiet if I’m bothering you.”_

_“You’re invading my sanctuary here” he sulked, “With you around I can’t listen to my Zappa or Bowie.”_

_…Maybe that was the moment? Just perhaps, she wasn’t certain because she’d been so apprehensive to admit it was even a possibility. She knew it was one of them because she remembered how her heart jumped because no one else knew. “You like David Bowie?”_

_He’d raised a brow, “You know who he is?”_

_She’d nodded emphatically, “I heard him on the radio a year back and I’ve been secretly collecting all his vinyls! Space Oddity is my favorite along with Moonage Daydream.”_

_“Hmm.”_

_Yamada had seemed to be…deciding if he’d let her listen, like the music belonged only to him or something. He admitted later he was deciding whether to let her into his ‘sanctuary’ because he hadn’t let anyone else in before. He eventually shrugged. “I guess Ziggy Stardust would be a good one for the evening. But if you’re here, you better make yourself useful. Here, let me show you how to grease these plugs.”_

“Look, I understand, he wasn’t supposed to live this long—we understand but you have to also understand the position we’re in!” 

Dana lied across the couch of their Subami home with a glass of red wine, Yamada pacing the long spans of the room like he was in a footrace. He was on the phone with the ones responsible for this, for this…travesty. “Who even gave him the serum anyway? I would think that at the level of crime he committed he wouldn’t have been granted such a luxury.” 

She stared at her husband. Usually he wasn’t so contrary to strangers but she could understand. She…she didn’t know what to do either and what he was doing wasn’t going to change anything. After a few more minutes of pointless bickering, he ended the conversation and slammed down on the couch, burying his face in his hands. Dana frowned, sitting up and rubbing his shoulders after setting her glass down. “It’ll be fine, Yama.” 

“We shouldn’t have done it.” 

“And I don’t know how you can believe that” she glared, “He wouldn’t _be here_ , Yama, he wouldn’t have made it.” 

With a growl he rose to his feet, pacing the room again, “How do you _know?_ Just _how_?” 

“Because I’m his mother. I just…I just know it was the best choice, Yama” she whispered. 

Closing his eyes, he dropped his head back before staring at the ceiling. “…I…I guess.” 

She smiled reassuringly, grasping his hand, “Let’s just hope for the best, dear. I just hope that that bastard wants to start over somewhere else.” 

It…it was their only sanctuary in the matter, after all. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

Yagami Koji groaned loudly when the ungodly sun shone through his window for some unknown reason, singing his eyes with the heat of a thousand blazes. Forcing his lids open, he leered deeply at the offender, the provoker of this weapon. Popuri was standing there, wearing a black henley and a draped red skirt. When she glanced over her shoulder she gave him that sweet little smile. Well…she was pretty so he’d forgive her. 

“Good afternoon, my Kochi” she cooed, coming to his side and giving him a kiss. 

“Afternoon…?” he echoed, looking around drearily, “…What was I doing last night?” 

His wife snorted, stroking his hair back, “Getting drunk with your brothers, that’s what. Why, even Shin was rowdier than usual.” 

Yawning, he rubbed his gritty eyes and shook his head. “Well, I’ll definitely be making up for it today. Damn.” 

He sat up but knew his wife was telling the truth when a brief wave of nausea hit him. They must’ve been downing some hard s—t then, he never felt like this. Hugging Popuri to him, he rested his face against her bosom sleepily. “Come back and cuddle with me…” 

“I have housework to do” she pouted, “Groceries, laundry, cutting the grass.” 

Koji grunted, pulling her down with him as she squeaked, “Sleep with me another million hours and I’ll do _all_ of that when I wake up. My princess can relax.” 

“Yea _right_! I’m not in the mood for you to coddle me, Koji” she scowled. 

“You’re like the only person I know who’s like ‘no, I’ll do work!’ when someone offers to do all of it” he groaned but smiled, “…Alright. Let me shower and we can divide and conquer so I can take care of my baby tonight.” 

She smirked, smacking his arm, “Always an ulterior motive in that head of yours, huh?” 

“What can I say? You just do that to me” he grinned saucily. 

“Whore” she teased, kissing him again before standing, sauntering out of the room, “I’ll cut the grass.” 

It was one of those things he’d heard the old guys tell him he was bizarre for, that his wife usually ended up doing the grass cutting. He just wasn’t particularly…feng shui inclined, he supposed, he was just like ‘let’s hack this s—t up’. Popuri had these nice even perfect lines and the grass always looked so manicured when she did it. It matched up better with her garden that way so generally she did go at the task. He _tried_ but he just wasn’t always that patient a guy. 

Reaching for his phone, he leaned up against the mountain of pillows they had and caught up on his messages. Really there were only a couple from his kids and one from his mother. His siblings were probably still recovering from last night too. 

He finally managed to stumble to his feet, groggily going toward his bathroom after turning the trending news onto audio so he could listen while he showered. It was the normal stuff about ‘so and so was doing this’ or ‘people were complaining about that’. Tuning it out as he scrubbed his chest, one story did catch his attention. 

“Former shamed-CEO Kamaishi Domo was released from prison today following a long series of courtroom appearances and petitions…” 

…Wait. Koji frowned, his brow creasing. Domo was their stepfather. Why…why didn’t he recall his freakin’ stepfather going to jail? Like yea, he was only five or six when his mother left him but he kind of figured he’d have been on the know on that. About to turn it up so he could hear the reason for this long a sentence, he groaned when his phone rang. Nelly. 

“Hey, what are you doing right now?” Nelly questioned. 

“Listening to the news” Koji sulked, “Dude, why was Domo in prison again? Like, I feel like I would have clued in on why he was in jail even if he was a sh—ty human being.” 

Nelly was quiet. “I dunno. I don’t know.” 

Shrugging it off, he sighed, “I’m going shopping with my Po, doing some laundry, and hopefully was going to get laid. But what? Did you want to come to dinner tonight?” 

“Oh no” Nelly quickly said, “Just was checking on you, is all. Um…maybe you should try to disconnect for a while, dude. Go on vacation somewhere, just you and Popuri. You should go see Rosa and the kid.” 

What? “I mean, I…I guess? I mean, I saw them pretty recently…” 

“Well, you don’t want Chika to not know who you are because you won’t go visit often, right?” 

Koji pouted at that, Chika being his newest edition to his grandchildren list. “Maybe you’re right then. I’ll see what Popuri wants to do.” 

“Or hey, you two should take a cruise. I heard the Mediterranean is beautiful this time of year from my two knuckleheads.” 

… “Dude, are you trying to get rid of me?” Koji leered, “I mean, if you want to use my house for something nefarious it’s not going to happen.” 

Nelly laughed some. “No, idiot, I do believe _I_ have a house for my nefarious deeds. I just thought you might be a little stressed right now because you definitely were drinking a lot last night.” 

Was he? Koji pondered over it and despite it being unusual for him to drink enough to feel ill and sluggish he didn’t feel it was for any real reason. Eh. “Well, we’ll see. I’ll talk to you later.” 

“Oh…okay.” 

What a weird. Hanging up, Koji wandered out of the shower and to his room, unclad, after drying off. Deciding to match Popuri with his own black Henley and a pair of jeans, he started gathering the clothes to throw in the washer. Setting the machine to properly wash their colors, he listened to the light hum of their lawn mower outside, staring out the window into the noon sky. Stressed…? He felt good. He…he always felt good to look out and see his life work so well. 

After separating all the clothes into the proper pile, he went down to the kitchen to compose himself a snack and wash the few dishes Popuri accumulated. Eating a sandwich, he checked his work messages to see if he’d missed anything important. Hmm, a few calls here and there but he’d follow up on them tomorrow. 

Koji started up the dishwasher before going to start on his next set of clothes. Popuri walked in, apparently having changed into her work clothes before mowing the yard, and wiped her brow. “Whoo, all done. Let me shower and we’ll go shopping?” 

“Sounds perfect” he smiled, giving her a kiss. “Only bad part is I’ve _already_ showered so I have no valid reason to join you…” 

“Perv” she winked, walking away. 

_“O-Oh my God, Koji.”_

_It was all manipulated by Diana in the end. Corey avoided him like the plague so finally the woman told him to meet ‘her’ at this coffee shop when in reality it’d be him sitting there. Koji ultimately felt it was wrong because the guy seemed dead set on NOT meeting him. Nope, Diana insisted and when Diana insisted it was set in stone._

_Koji had smiled, standing. “Hey, man. Sorry this seems…forced. Diana was pretty insistent. I know I wasn’t really someone you wanted to see.”_

_“What?! N-No, dude, it’s…it’s not like that at all” Corey insisted fretfully. “I-It’s just--”_

_“Nelly” Koji finished knowingly._

_“Nelly” Corey groaned._

_Sitting across from him, Corey bit his lip and shyly ordered a hot coffee. Koji leaned back, pretty surprised for some reason how little Corey had changed. Different hair style, sure, but ultimately looked a lot like the same guy who he used to hang out with every other day. Nostalgic indeed._

_“I--!” Corey blurted before pausing, “I’m…sorry about that night, Koji. I mean, nothing’s really changed, I’m still…bi, just I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t have done that with you of all people.”_

_“Dude, really, that was like forty something years ago. I mean, s—t, we’re both married with kids and stuff now. I didn’t really even mind then, I just thought maybe you felt too awkward to carry on the friendship.”_

_Corey frowned. It was a weird expression, like there was more information there but he wasn’t going to share it. Why? “Sure.”_

_“What? I mean, I assumed it was because I ran out of the room that you were like ‘that jackass’ and expressly avoided me. Diana seemed to denote Nelly might’ve had some words with you and believe me, we’re twin jackasses so I can understand.”_

_His old friend smirked, “No, Koji, I did not start avoiding you because you ran out of the room. If our positions were reversed I’d probably have done the exact same thing. It just wasn’t comfortable.”_

_“So it was Nelly” Koji concluded._

_Corey pursed his lips before nodding slowly, looking up at him. “…You have a wife?”_

_“Mm, Popuri.”_

_“That’s…that’s great. She makes you happy?”_

_“More than anything in this world could” Koji assured, “All my joys in my life stem from her and the life we’ve built together. It was pretty good before she came into the picture but when I settled down with her it made everything…complete. I am happy.”_

_Corey had smiled sincerely. “Good. Don’t…don’t let anything ever take that away from you, Koji, no matter…no matter what.”_

What? 

He scowled a bit, settling on the couch while he waited and stared out into the afternoon sky through their main window. It was a weird thing to say. He even explained to Corey that after all the years and all the insane trials they’d been through it’d be ridiculous for something to ruin Popuri and his relationship. 

Alas…it felt like…everyone knew about something he didn’t. What was going on? 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_“What’s Wasaba like?”_

_“What, you scared to go?”_

_Kobayashi Dana frowned as she sat across from Yagami Yamada, if that was his real name, while he munched on a plate of fries and a burger at some diner she had no idea existed. It was close to the red light district, the closest she’d ever come, but he insisted he had a little money left from paying his rent and for groceries for at least two, three weeks. She…wouldn’t have really minded treating him but she had a feeling he wouldn’t appreciate that._

_Her eyes narrowed, staring at the burger before her as well. She’d never had a burger in her life and told him so. The blond pretty much told her to stop being stuck up and try it then. Staring from hers to watching him munch on it, Dana wasn’t able to help note he seemed to be sincerely enjoying it. Must be his American blood, she thought dryly._

_Yamada took a sip of his Coke from a glass bottle thirstily before giving her a look. “Look, princess, I don’t mind wrapping that s—t up and eating it for my breakfast tomorrow but I’ll be mad as hell since I bought it for your spoiled ass.”_

_She glared, “It’s too big for my mouth.”_

_Groaning, he picked up the knife he’d used to add ketchup or whatever to his sandwich and dragged her plate back. “Literally all you have to do is cut it in half.”_

_“Doesn’t that make me a loser?”_

_“There’s no ‘loser’ in eating as long as you eat” he smirked, doing the cutting for her, “You chicks really overthink things, you know that?”_

_Dana scoffed but accepted the plate back after he’d actually quartered it. She nibbled on a piece of the burger, not wanting to look too ‘scared’ in front of the jerk. “…Oh, it’s really actually good.”_

_“Yep.”_

_Picking up the fried potato, the ‘fries’, and dipping it in the ketchup, she raised a brow. “Papa always used to say never get near Wasaba.”_

_“He’s probably right.”_

_She sulked at his passive answer. He leaned back and sighed contently, having finished his burger. “The only reason I’d want more money is to eat like that all the time.”_

_“You’d become fat” Dana said drably, sipping her soda as well. She’d at least had soda…_

_Yamada blinked languidly, “Is that something that concerns you, kid?”_

_Blustering, she blurted, “O-Of course not! You get as fat as you want, baka!”_

_For whatever infuriating reason the jerk actually smiled, reaching into his pocket and taking out a cigarette to light up. Her nose wrinkled as he lit it up with a match and he exhaled, blowing the smoke to the side. “Why do you smoke? What good does it do you? It just makes your teeth yellow. And I heard they said it’s got a lot of weird stuff in it.”_

_“Sex and cigarettes are my only joys in life, kid.”_

_Ugh. “Don’t you enjoy your job?”_

_Yamada snorted loudly. “Oh yea, let me tell ya’ how much I LOVE fixing rich ass people’s cars to pay half my rent so I can go work more after at another stupid job.”_

_She munched on what seemed to be a pickled something, finding the flavor rather biting but fitting. “Don’t you have something you’d really want to do?”_

_“Like?”_

_“Like, you act like you’re a forty year old man that has no potential future. How old are you? Twenty?”_

_Yamada took a long draw off his cigarette, taking his time before drawling, “…Seventeen.”_

_“…SEVENTEEN?”_

_While she imagined him to be high school age when they first met, by the time she’d spent actual time with him she figured he was at least into his twenties. That he was literally just three years older than her seemed impossible. Yamada just shrugged and she leered, “Then you definitely can have dream endeavors, baka, you’re seventeen!”_

_“What’s the use? I didn’t go to high school and it’s a little late to start now” he scoffed._

_Dana glowered, “Just…quit work and go take the exam!”_

_“Are you nuts? Princess, the paupers don’t get to just ‘quit’ to chase their dreams, they work and work until they’re dead in the ground.”_

_She pouted, “Don’t your parents want to see you succeed in something?”_

_“Parents? You mean my mother who also works two jobs to make ends meet and pay for us to live and has raised me single-handedly because I had a deadbeat father that f—ked her one night on a business trip from America and never came back? Those parents?”_

_“…Oh.”_

_Letting out a breath, Yamada fell quiet and she looked down at her lap. Yes…that’s right. They were from different…circumstances. That’s pretty much all he said. But…it wasn’t like he wasn’t capable, right?_

_But being capable…didn’t make a way. She…she knew that too._

_“…Fine, kid, let’s talk ‘dream land’ and not talk about it again. Tell me what you want to do with your life and I might tell you what I thought I was gonna do with mine when I was a punk kid.”_

_“You’re still a punk kid” she said dryly before twiddling her fingertips, “…I had one caretaker, she…she taught me to sew by hand. Before mother and father fired her she was teaching me to use a machine. At the time I was making doll clothes and silly things like that.”_

_Yamada just blinked and she flushed, glowering. She’d never told anyone her dream and she was telling this cold bastard. “I-I started drawing in art as well and-and I…I really like seeing Yves Saint Laurent designs and Vivienne Westwood designs in magazine…s-so! I…I would really like to start my own fashion line.”_

_Unable to not leer as Yamada drank the last bit of his Coke, the straw making that awful suction sound, she huffed. “F-Forget it. It’s stupid.”_

_“I’m trying to find what’s stupid about it. You have the funds, you can probably go to art school, and you probably can start your own line.”_

_Dana pursed her lips, finishing the last bit of her burger. “…You have things that hold you back and I have things that hold me back. Money isn’t everything, Yagami.”_

_His eyes narrowed some before he rolled them upward. “…My mother’s grandfather, Yagami Bishamon--”_

_“Seriously?”_

_“Shut up” he glowered, “He was a medic in World War II and…well, I did a paper on him when I was in primary. Apparently he saved his whole unit at one point after taking serious casualties…I mean, we lost but regardless, he was working in these extreme conditions to save people with so little. So, at the time, I thought I wanted to be a surgeon.”_

_Dana’s eyes widened as he lit up another cigarette, seeming droll, “Medical school. Like twenty years of my life to spend every waking minute of my life operating on people. It’s ridiculous.”_

_“…You say you hate working but you probably wouldn’t know what to do with yourself if you didn’t work or didn’t have to.”_

_He actually snickered, raising a golden brow, “…You’re probably right. I’ve worked my whole life now, I wouldn’t even know how to stop.”_

_A billow of smoke escaped his lips, his blue eyes closing some as he seemed to be in thought. “…C’mon, I’m heading back to the shop. I need to change those tires on that stupid Mercedes.”_

_“Ah! Will you let me try this time?”_

_“No, I don’t want to spend an hour watching you struggle lugs off one tire” he shook his head._

_She pouted, “But you let me grease the spark plugs and I got really good!”_

_Groaning, Yamada stood and pulled on his coat while shaking his head. “I got a f—king sidekick by f—king a girl. I don’t think it evened out.”_

_Dana shoved him and he dodged forward a little, snickering to himself like a baka. A doctor though…? Well, a surgeon? In a way he was right, it’d be so very difficult for him since he’d also not gone to high school. Additionally, his family life didn’t seem to be a very convenient starting point either. It had to be different for him though. His mother must’ve wanted better for him if she devoted so much into raising him, right?_

_Right?_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

Koji groaned, raspy, as he lied on his back and licked his lips. One of his college…partners turned his youngest daughter’s mother-in-law often used to ask when she was around how it was he could sleep with the same woman for so long. Well, when she was always this good why would he go looking elsewhere? 

Breathing out as he closed his eyes, burying his fingers into her hair as she went down on him, he trembled while her tongue worked down his shaft. No, his lovely queen was always perfect. He couldn’t imagine a single woman alive that would make him deviate from her… 

He gazed down at her as she seductively pulled away but not before swirling her tongue around the head of his cock. Popuri sighed, sitting up on her haunches. She was wearing a lacy bra and lacy boyshorts, naturally pink. Koji had a bad feeling when she looked…displeased. 

“You know, it was…fun when we were first married but I hate going to hotels just to have sex now” she sulked. 

Koji groaned and sat up, resting his hands on her thighs. “It’s not…desirable but c’mon, it was getting _really, really_ bad at our place.” 

So he got back last Saturday from shopping with his dear wife and everything was delightful. They were going to get that nice not nauseous tipsy on wine and have nice not nauseous tipsy sex. Hell, she got some lingerie and even some…peripherals. But, lo, when they arrived, he was not kidding when he said _his entire family_ was there. Well, no, not his _entire_ or it’d look like they were starting an army but more than he was comfortable with on a not dinner night. His mom, his dad, his sister, every brother…they said they ‘came by’ to ‘check on him’. Check on him for _what_? Was he dying? Did someone know something he _didn’t_? 

And it didn’t let up either. Sunday, Shin was there for some reason with Lyla, his wife and longtime best friend. Okay. Monday, the mass majority, all five thousand of them, were there for dinner night so that was normal. What wasn’t normal was Tony and his wife Karen being there Tuesday, Shaun and his wife Ann staying with them Wednesday, Nelly staying on Thursday, and by Friday he was calling _bull_ because _Jill and Cliff_ were staying over. They lived maybe _ten minutes away_. 

Saturday he had the creeping and horrific feeling that his parents were next and he’d had it. He loved his family, truly, but he didn’t love them being there _all the time_. There was a reason they all got married and started their own families, so they wouldn’t have to see each other _all the time_. Save for Nelly, none of them made any sense just dropping their lives to be with _him_. Was he dying? 

…Really, he felt very strange about it but…it almost felt like it tied into the Corey thing. What the hell did they know that he didn’t? 

Popuri pouted, crossing her arms under her chest and humphing. “Did you ask what they were doing? And why?” 

“I did…they just…said they wanted to visit” he grumbled. 

She gave him an incredulous look and he couldn’t blame her. Yes, at periods of duress and trial their family was there for them a hundred percent and he appreciated it. As far as he knew though he wasn’t in any sort of turmoil. And he figured he knew pretty far what was going on in his life. Well, beside this. 

Lying back, hard and annoyed, Koji smiled as Popuri rested against his chest. “You’ve always been too understanding with my insane family. I mean, sometimes s—t doesn’t make sense.” 

She giggled and kissed his jaw, “By this point they’re my family too, Kochi. I figure they have a good reason for being weird…” 

“No, they don’t.” 

With a smirk, she pinched his side and sat on top of his crotch. “…I guess it’s not _so_ bad…you got us a nice room with a view and it’s quiet.” 

His mood was immediately lifting amongst other things. “Sooo?” 

Ah, his beloved queen, she took off her bra all sexily before kissing him teasingly, stroking his length. Growling huskily, Koji sat up straight and gripped under her thighs. Mm, those perfect breasts…she laughed and playfully swatted at him when he sort of just buried his face there. “You’re such a jerk.” 

He grinned lazily, letting out a breath and massaging her back. “…When I saw Corey, he told me something weird. I told him how much I love my life, how much I love you and he told me to not let anything take that away. Why’s everyone being so weird?” 

Popuri tilted her head, looking thoughtful, “…It is odd, isn’t it?” 

“Bleh…forget that s—t, I’m hard as f—k.” 

She snickered and called him a perv but he kind of just needed to change the subject. He was starting to get mad with the realization that, once again, his family was keeping things from him. 

…Out of everything though, out of Kaede not telling him about Steiner, about Rosa not telling him about Adam, out of _all_ of that that made him want to sincerely kill, he wondered if it could possibly be any worse than anything else he’d gone through. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_“She said wha?”_

_Kobayashi Dana scowled pensively, gritting her teeth as she put all her weight into her foot against the lug wrench. At first she’d been furious how tight they put these things on these tires but he reasonably pointed out they needed to stay on the car…_

_Yamada was sitting on top of a bench, smirking as he smoked a cigarette. “…Seriously, kid, I explained the physics of it to you at least three times. Maybe this just isn’t your gig.”_

_“Shut up, you” she grunted, “Now what did Hachiko say?”_

_He took a puff, breathing out the smoke through his nose. “I told her you hang around the shop with me and she got all huffy. ‘Do you think you should hang out with other girls, huh?’. Like she’s my girlfriend, s—t.”_

_Dana gasped, delighted, when the lug nut finally gave way and she twirled it off the tire. “Well, that explains why she was glaring at me today so much. I don’t know why she’s jealous, it’s not like she’d ever spend any time here.”_

_“I dunno why YOU spend any time here.”_

_She sulked, starting to work on the next one. “So when the car breaks down because of a flat tire I will be fully capable of changing it myself, thank you.”_

_The blond smirked widely, crushing his cigarette in the ashtray, “I have major doubt that the driver, whose life is dedicated to maintaining his master’s cars, would let the ojoosan get out and change the tire, kid.”_

_Dana could only pout but she knew it was true. He stood with a sigh, waving her off. “You did better today but I need to get this done. I’ll show you how to change the shoes though.”_

_A little upset to be kicked off the task, she was placated with the chance to learn something else. Taking his seat, she rubbed her hands together. He was loosening the lug nuts like it were nothing and it irritated her greatly. She just needed to understand physics, that’s all!_

_“Well, she called me today before I came to work and told me to tell you to stop coming here” he drawled._

_Stiffening, she crossed her arms and glared deeply at him. “Oh? Are you going to listen? You gonna let her keep your balls in a vice, huh?”_

_“Wow, mouth” he laughed. Yamada was such a deadpan guy, he didn’t laugh very often. It…was weird._

_Dana flustered, confused then, as Yamada sighed deeply. “Look, for as annoying as having a sidekick is, it’s more annoying that my occasional benefit’s chick is telling me what to do or who to spend time with. She can get over herself.”_

_That annoyed her too! “So you’re only saying ‘no’ because she’s telling you what to do? Rude!”_

_He snickered but didn’t remark upon it so she supposed that was the truth. Then. She was almost irritated enough to leave but he remarked after a few minutes, taking off the tire, “You hungry?”_

_“Mm…a little.” She’d avoided dinner at the mansion, she…didn’t really enjoy it anymore._

_“I gotta little extra cash so let’s head to the diner after before I go to work.”_

_He got off work to go to work…when did he even sleep? She nodded dumbly. Suddenly he waved his hand, “C’mon, lemme show you this fast. I’m starving.”_

_…Was it inappropriate? Perhaps Hachiko was right…and it wasn’t like she was doing anything aside from hiding. Right?_

_After he finished, he peeled off his overalls and replaced them in his duffel bag. He apparently only had white, black, and gray t-shirts in his wardrobe, maybe a few pairs of jeans, and maybe a couple shoes. His hoodie had a huge hole in the pocket but he didn’t seem to care…_

_Dana scowled as he lit up a cigarette, the fifth she’d seen him with today. By some miracle considering how much taller he was than she right now, she snatched it from his lips. “You’ll stunt your growth.”_

_“Think I did pretty well in that area” he said dryly, trying to get it back._

_In truth, she was pretty certain Yamada stood far over generally everyone. He was one of the few men she’d known to be that tall. Others…she wasn’t that apt to mention. With a groan she handed back the cigarette, hugging herself against the November wind. Well, whatever._

_Yamada took a couple more puffs before snuffing it out in the trashcan outside of the diner, looking cross. “…It has been increasingly tough to not smell like a f—king ashtray lately.”_

_Dana frowned as they walked into the diner he’d bring her to when he had ‘a few extra gold pieces’ and, unlike anywhere she’d ever been, seated themselves. That also was true, he…he never smelled overwhelmingly smoky like her family driver or even her father who smoked expensive cigars. “What? Do you shower like five times a day?”_

_“Once” he smirked, picking up his menu, “Nice long showers. Naked. Usually with a naked chick.”_

_“You’re a pervert.”_

_Snickering, he looked through his menu almost absently. Dana could only scowl. “I thought you only ever got burgers.”_

_“Eh, might want a tuna melt today.”_

_Tuna melt? She stared, horrified, but he didn’t even look up before remarking drolly, “The tuna does not melt, kid.”_

_“I-I know that!” she blurted, flushing._

_“Uh huh. What do you want?”_

_Frowning, she opened the menu and realized she’d not really ever been asked what she wanted. It was always essentially preordained for her…staring at the options, puzzled by them, she mumbled, “A…a hot dog is like sausage?”_

_“Mm, somewhat. I’d suggest a chili dog if you want to go that way. It’s kind of messy though” he remarked, putting his menu back in the tray._

_‘Chili’? Replacing her menu as well, she nervously twiddled her thumbs when a waitress came over, holding a pad of paper. “What can I get cha’?”_

_“I’ll take a tuna melt with some chips and a Coke” Yamada responded._

_Eh…? The woman scribbled this down before looking to her. She was appalled because she was nervous ordering. She’d never ordered a day in her life! “U-Um, t-the chili dog? W-With fries…and…and Coke.”_

_“You want onions on that?”_

_More questions?! Wait, wait, she didn’t like onions. Calm down, baka. “N-No, thank you.”_

_“Alright, coming right up.”_

_The waitress sauntered away and Yamada raised a brow at her. “You okay there? Looks like you’re about to pass out.”_

_“I’m not used to ordering. My mother keeps me on a strict diet” she mumbled, tapping the tabletop._

_“Apparently not too strict if you’re sitting here eating burgers with me. Not to mention you’re out all the damn time.”_

_She rolled her eyes around, taking off her gloves and putting them in the pocket of her coat. “I mean, it’s not actual concern she does it out of. Merely appearances. And she’s more concerned about her appearances than mine so as long as I’m available when she tells me to be available and out of her hair like she needs me to be a majority of the time it’s fine.”_

_His brows furrowed, stretching his arm across the cushion of the booth. “Sounds…wonderful.”_

_“If that’s how you want to describe it, certainly” she muttered._

_The waitress returned with their drinks and Yamada made a face while he popped the top on his Coke bottle. “Seems weird when rich kids talk about sucky parents. Us… ‘underprivileged’ kids like to think you have the perfect life so we can hate and despise you.”_

_Dana actually had to smile. “There’s something to be said though for complaining from a ten bedroom house versus working three jobs to help keep a roof over your head.”_

_He frowned, taking a long sip of his drink before murmuring, “…I wouldn’t be someone to tell anyone their troubles are worthless whether they’re in a mansion or a cardboard box.”_

_Maybe that was that…fourth moment. Alas, before she could find a remark, the food was brought out. She was appalled by the…messiness of the hot dog. Yamada suggested if she was going to be nitpicky she should just cut it up. Meh, she felt like a toddler…_

_“Oh! This is good too” she munched, nipping the chili off her thumb._

_Yamada just nodded, eating his ‘tuna melt’ which was apparently a sandwich. She pouted, “Can I have a bite?”_

_“Spoiled much?”_

_“I’ll give you some of my hot dog!”_

_“That I’m paying for.”_

_She sulked, “I’ll pay for it.”_

_“No way” Yamada rolled his eyes, “I don’t let any girl, kid or sidekick, buy food if I ask them to go.”_

_Dana snorted, “Aren’t we a gentleman? Is that how you get them into bed?”_

_“Honestly, you’re like one of three women that will ever eat with me. The rest are worried about their weight or some s—t.”_

_She groaned at that but was intrigued when he handed a quarter of the sandwich to her in trade for her hot dog. Chewing it daintily, she nodded. “…American food seems yummy. Have you ever been?”_

_“Mm, no. I thought it’d be fun to one day so I could see some of the Bowie concerts and meander around New York and L.A. but that’s a ways off if ever. Plane tickets are ridiculous.”_

_Her eyes brightened. “I want to see a Bowie concert!”_

_Yamada ate a stack of chips, crunching, “Heard he’ll be in Tokyo next month, actually.”_

_“…You’re kidding.”_

_“Nope. Osaka and Tokyo.”_

_No. No way. It was such a rare stop for artists not from Japan, this was impossible. His blue eyes closed some as he drank his soda. “Absolutely not, princess.”_

_“Come ON. Who knows if he’ll ever be back! Not to mention so many things happen to artists, why, we don’t know if this is our last opportunity! Please?” she pleaded._

_Wiping his lips with a napkin, Yamada sucked his cheek. “Tokyo is at least a good forty minutes from here. It’ll be after your curfew.”_

_“I’ll sneak out” she said plainly._

_He gave her a look. “Are you secretly a delinquent?”_

_“This is important-t-t” she whined, “I’ll even buy your ticket!”_

_“N--”_

_Dana smacked his hand and he looked alarmed. Glaring, she pointed rather rudely, “You yourself just said you wouldn’t let me pay for my food since you asked me here. It’s the same principle.”_

_“Yeesh…” he grumbled, shaking the injured limb, “Fine. I guess we can take my bike…”_

_“…A motorcycle? In December? We’ll die of pneumonia before we get there!”_

_“Better wrap up tight then, princess. I’m not cutting early from work and the buses to Tokyo stop early” he replied simply, reaching into his pocket._

_Giving a petulantly moue, she reluctantly agreed. For anything else she’d deny it vehemently, she was against motorcycles entirely. Alas, for this, she would make an exception._

_So excited with this turn of events, she followed Yamada from the diner happily. It was already about 7:30…she could still make it! Grabbing his arm, she broke into a sprint. “C’mon!”_

_“What? I need to go get ready for work, kid!” he scowled, trying to tug away._

_“Just come with me for a sec then you can go!”_

_“Ugh…”_

_Heading into the somewhat more affluent area of town, she quickly scurried into the fabric shop with fifteen minutes left. The owners looked at her with annoyance but she knew exactly what she wanted. Getting about two yards of leather material, the proper thread, and some zippers, she smiled happily as Yamada gazed around. “I’m going to make a skirt.”_

_“Oi.”_

_“I can’t go to a rock concert just wearing my normal things” she sulked, holding the bag close to her, “It’ll be tasteful.”_

_“Sure” Yamada remarked rather carelessly, yawning._

_Jerk. Oh well, he already said he would go so that was good with her. Tomorrow after school she’d go and get the tickets too. The night was going well…then._

_Her eyes widened when they passed a group of yankii sitting in an alley near the shop. There were some at her school, naturally certain groups of the yakuza wealthy and wanting their children to attend the best private schools. Dana had never quite gotten it, with the slicked back hair and the way they crouched like that. Glaring at Yamada who also smoothed his hair back and was smoking a cigarette similarly to the way they were, she shook her head. Their generation was doomed._

_“Oi, oi, what’s this?”_

_Dana froze when the guys rose and started following them. What? Why were they out of the ordinary? One with the most awful black pompadour managed to stalk around to get in front of them, his Miba uniform hanging loosely off his shoulders and his hands slung lazily in his pockets, a cigarette hanging limply in his lips. She was almost ashamed to go to the same anything as him right about now._

_“What’s wrong with your eyes, huh? They offend me, ne?” he said with so much gruff bravado it could only be described as fake._

_“Okay?” Yamada responded indifferently. He looked entirely unaffected by this…like…it were common._

_“Ehh, he speaks our language but it’s clear to see he’s a yanki, right?” said another, rounding to Yamada’s left side._

_…Oh no. Dana squeezed the handle of her bag a little tighter as Yamada still appeared calm. How?! These hooligans were idiots, who knew what they were capable of?! She swallowed hard though when she heard the others hoot and heckle ‘shiro!’, ‘gaijin!’, ‘kimpatsu!’. Who cared?! Yamada had been minding his own business!_

_She lifted her chin as he gently grasped her shoulder, ignoring them and walking between them. Good. He…he had a reasonable head on him._

_“Oh, look! He won’t deign to speak to us! Forgive us lowly ones!”_

_“Oi, oi, maybe it’s him that needs to learn some respect!”_

_No! Dana squeaked as Yamada actually shoved her away, almost losing her balance and tripping. Managing to catch herself, she wheeled around to watch one guy come full speed at Yamada to punch him in the face. NOW Yamada looked annoyed, dodging and grabbing the guy by the back of his jacket to knee him HARD in the chest._

_Dana gawked as he easily knocked down three more, punching one down HARD and throwing another into his friend. Why was she getting the idea he knew what he was doing…?_

_For all the bluster and bravado, the four he’d dismantled fled, panicked. The ringleader appeared alarmed but didn’t back down, glaring. “D-Don’t get ahead of yourself, **hafu**!” _

_Yamada sighed, looking at the blood on his knuckles before shaking his head. “Just go away.”_

_Dana let out a breath of relief when another fled, leaving only two, the stupid pompadour and his apparent second in command. Of course, that meant nothing. “Y-You’re not wanted here, hafu!”_

_“I was literally just walking up the street.”_

_“And stealing our women!”_

_This shocked both of them. “What?” they said in near unison._

_…It was a ‘setup’. The ‘second in command’, she saw out of the corner of her eye, launched at Yamada…with a knife? The panic of the moment was overwhelming and she felt the reasonable or self-preserving would have escaped. Oh, her?_

_She wasn’t fast, not at all, but she leaped onto the guy’s back just as he…_

_Dana screamed, shocked when he did manage to run the blade down Yamada’s side. He didn’t STAB him but…he cut him with a knife! Yamada hissed and looked startled toward her. Oh yea, she just jumped on a gangster’s back._

_Thought was an afterthought, just white and bleak nothingness as she was knocked hard to the ground. All she could do was squeeze her eyes shut tight…_

_“Oi! Are you okay?!”_

_She finally breathed._

_Opening her eyes fearfully, Dana trembled to find Yamada kneeling over her. Apathy or sarcasm, that was his two main expressions but he could add concern, huh…? “Am I dead…?”_

_“No…stupid” he groaned._

_He stood, helping her to her feet. Somehow they apparently were both alive, despite her dizzy feeling and a biting pain on the back of her legs. Yamada peeked around her before groaning again, louder and more exasperated. “What were you thinking?”_

_“He was going to stab you!”_

_“Yea, well…”_

_What even happened? She looked around and was puzzled to find the final two idiots lying on the ground. People were starting to gather, whispering in horrified gasps. Yamada quickly grasped her wrist and pulled her away from…everything she’d known._

_That was the halfway point._

_They crossed the line, a line she’d been forbidden from crossing. Her mouth fell open, finding rundown buildings covered in graffiti with bars in broken out windows. She trembled, alarmed to find more of those yankii types sitting on the door steps of these dilapidated places. They appeared more dangerous, one even carrying that bewilderingly violent weapon of a bat with nails in it. Alas, as they passed, they actually nodded at Yamada and one called to him asking if he could bum a smoke. “I’ll get you on my way back, I gotta take care of her. We got ganged up on by Subami yanks.”_

_Dana frowned as the group actually laughed and told him to go on then. “What’s funny about that?”_

_“Well, princess, as you might imagine a yankii from Subami isn’t going to be of the same degree as a yankii from Wasaba.”_

_…Yes, that was true. One was a bunch of rich bored kids with nothing better to do and thought it was cool. Of course, take the rich out and wasn’t it the same concept…? Of course, in comparison, the ones in Wasaba seemed far more agreeable._

_While she fearfully watched the blacked out cavities of places that appeared abandoned, her mind slowly became bewildered as they became more bright, more kept, less…_

_…Poor?_

_It wasn’t Subami, no, but little shops started popping up. One place had happy music playing out the front door and inside everyone seemed to be speaking jovially. In her head it’d been something impossible to associate with the area her father described as ‘a godless slum’. It…it wasn’t what she’d thought was possible._

_In the midst of this development, Yamada took a turn into a brown brick building. Going up a set of slightly worn steps, he led her into a lobby and up another five flights of steps. By the time they got to one door in particular her legs were burning and in blinding pain. Her mother was going to kill her._

_Yamada fished a set of keys from his pocket, jangling as he pushed it into the door knob. Holding her wrist, her eyes widened as they entered…an apartment._

_“Sorry, we don’t really do the whole slipper thing around here.”_

_She looked up, surprised, as he kicked off his worn shoes at the entry. “A-Ah, that’s alright.”_

_Taking off her loafers and setting them beside his, she whispered shyly ‘o-ojama shimasu’. Yamada snorted, “We definitely don’t do that around here.”_

_Dana sulked as he wandered into some room. Kneeling on the ground in what seemed to be the living area was agony but she found her curiosity was more pressing. It was a small room, certainly, but there was something…cozy about it. There was a table with two chairs and a small tube television sitting on the floor. They had a tiny couch and a coffee table with an ash tray full of cigarette butts. While she was annoyed he smoked that much here she did recognize that there was a different style intermingled with the ones she recognized as Yamada’s…_

_“Oi, turn over.”_

_She stiffened, looking up as he reentered the room with a clear bottle of alcohol and a first aid kit along with a clay container. Staring at the supplies for a moment, it suddenly hit her…_

_“NO!” she blushed brightly._

_“Look kid, I’m not going to ogle or touch your ass. Just turn over so I can disinfect your legs.”_

_Completely and utterly against it, she only relented because he seemed…genuinely worried? “O-Okay.”_

_He kneeled as she turned over on her stomach and she clenched her eyes shut as he rather gently ran the cloth of alcohol over her chaffed thighs. This was so embarrassing…and her mother would murder her. How dare she scar the body they needed to sell?_

_“Yeesh, you’d think this long ass skirt would have shielded you from some damage” Yamada randomly grumbled, now working on her lower legs, “What good is it?”_

_Dana flustered as he started to rub ointment next, grumbling, “W-Why did they even bother us? I don’t understand why they were such baka!”_

_…Yamada was quiet, taking out the bandages to complete his care. Finally, he muttered, “That’s why you ought not hang around me, kid. Not everyone’s so tolerant of me. I’m a ‘hafu’. None of this stuff on me is ‘fake’. I didn’t bleach my hair, it’s this color. My eyes are this color. This is me.”_

_“Who cares about that crap?” she grumbled, somehow his talk escaping her as a valid reason to attack them._

_He just sighed, sitting up on his haunches. “There…I guess you’ll be fixed up enough to go home.”_

_True…this way she could lie and say it occurred at school. Turning over and sitting up, she stroked her hair back and started to tell him ‘thanks’…only to find blood dribbling down his side._

_“Oh my GOD, YOU WERE STABBED!” she exclaimed loudly, grabbing his shirt._

_Yamada looked alarmed, his eyes widening exponentially. “Woah, woah, stop that!”_

_Annoyed he was more concerned about a graze on her legs than the stab wound in his side, she wrestled his shirt off of him. “Kid--”_

_“Let me see!” she commanded, almost straddling him to keep him from pushing her away._

_“Stop it!”_

_Dana jolted, startled when the door opened. Looking up, frozen, she was…breath taken. A fairly tall woman stood in the doorway, perfectly thin with long black hair and stony gray eyes. The other cigarette brand was nestled between her lips as she stared at them through somewhat heavy lids. Who…?_

_“…Seriously, Yama, how many times do I have to tell you not to do it in the living room? Baka.”_

_What?! Dana was prepared to demand what she was implying before…the situation dawned on her. Slowly looking back to Yamada, she recognized the fact that…she was sitting in his lap, holding his shirt. He just blinked languidly at her as she squealed, burying her face in my hands. “I-It’s not how it seems!”_

_“Seriously, mother.”_

_…Eh? Dana lifted her face, slowly looking back to the woman as she walked in, unbothered, and set her purse down on the table. His…his mother?_

_She didn’t know what she’d been expecting but it wasn’t a Japanese woman, she realized. She was the pure epitome of what she’d heard dubbed the ‘traditional onna’, save for…smoking. It…it didn’t seem likely that she birthed the blond, blue eyed Yamada._

_He dethroned her, setting her to the side with a huff. O-Oh, right. Smacking his hands away, she grabbed the alcohol to clean the wound as well, prepared to suggest he go to the hospital immediately. Alas, she discovered that the knife apparently just grazed him as well…lucky!_

_The woman frowned, going through the fridge. Dana hadn’t really understood how her son could be lying here with a wound, albeit not serious, and she didn’t even come to look. “Did you get in another fight, Yama?”_

_“I don’t ‘get into’ fights; they come to me” he reiterated, seething as Dana washed it._

_This was common? His mother just sighed. “I told you you should just dye your hair black, Yama.”_

_Eh? Why not get them to stop beating him up for things that weren’t their concern!? Yamada rolled his eyes while Dana silently bandaged up his side. “Maybe, mother. For now, I have to dress for work, throw one of my only stupid shirts and only stupid coats away because they’re sliced and covered with blood, then walk her home.”_

_She squeaked, waving her hands, “N-No way, I can make it back on my own.”_

_“Ah ha ha, yea, right. Give me a second to dress for work.”_

_Dana bit her lip as he stood, walking to a door with a Led Zeppelin poster on it. Why did she go to that fabric place? This would have never happened if she hadn’t…_

_…Though, apparently, it could happen regardless._

_“…So wait, you’re NOT sleeping with Yama?”_

_Almost gasping, Dana quickly turned to the woman who was apparently about to prepare miso. “N-no!”_

_She raised a brow as if this were…impossible. “Yama doesn’t bring girls here that he’s NOT shagging. I’d watch my back if I were you then, he’s a whore.”_

_Dana almost couldn’t fathom what was just said to her because it came out of a parent’s mouth. Almost gaping, she balled her fists in her lap as Yamada returned, holding a blue jacket, his hair smoothed back. “She’s a kid, mother, don’t taint her pure mind.”_

_Glaring darkly at him, Dana was about to remark that he was still only three years older than her but his mother snorted. “What’s the difference between her and that other girl you’ve been bringing around? They’re wearing the same uniform except apparently she doesn’t tuck it so her vagina is showing.”_

_HIS MOTHER. Yamada snorted, pulling the coat on and buttoning it up. It…looked rather becoming on him. Maybe 5.5…but…wait. She was right! Dana leered at him, “Hachiko and I ARE basically the same age, why am **I** the kid?” _

_He got himself a glass of water from the tap, drinking it for a moment before sighing for air. Licking his lips, he finally remarked: “Boobs, I guess.”_

_And like that she was unimpressed again. “Oh, is that what you think…”_

_“What?”_

_Dana simply rolled her eyes and stood, bowing, “Thank you for having me. I’ll be leaving now.”_

_Yamada grabbed a very handsome military style coat…why didn’t he just wear that?! He pulled it on and grabbed a bag off the table, yawning, “Yes, I best be moving, mother. Going over to Haki’s tonight?”_

_“If Haki wants to come here, he can be my guest” the woman grunted, sitting at a stool they had near the counter, “I just worked a double shift and have to be up in another five hours, I don’t have time for that.”_

_…Her too? Yamada shrugged, grabbing his keys, “Suit yourself, just don’t want you getting too cranky. You get all crazy when you don’t get any.”_

_HIS MOTHER. “Meh.”_

_All she could be was astounded by this relationship. Walking down the steps with him, still trying to digest all this, she found her legs didn’t hurt at all. “What sort of ointment did you use?”_

_“Mm, I cooked something up because my mom burns her hands a lot. Herbs and junk.”_

_What? “…I don’t see herbalist on you.”_

_“I told you my plan was to be a doctor, didn’t I?”_

_Her eyes widened, staring at his back as he stuffed his hands in his pocket after placing what seemed to be an officer’s cap on his head. “…Oh yea, that’s right.”_

_She just hadn’t imagined he’d have put any work into it, he made it sound like such a fleeting interest. Kneading her hands, she murmured, “You called her ‘mother’ while we were there but you just called her mom.”_

_“Mm. Don’t mind us, we’re abnormal.”_

_Seriously…though who was she to say what was normal? She’d never spoken to her mother informally a day in her life. It…it had been struck out of her long ago. Hesitant, she clenched the handle of her bag tightly, “I…I guess you work so much to help support her, huh?”_

_“Myself.”_

_“Don’t give me that” she scowled, “You JUST told me that you made ointment for her hands. Stop trying to play the indifferent son.”_

_Yamada sighed gravely. “Look, she took a lot of abuse just to raise me and I recognize that. She got disowned and she was only sixteen when she had me. And how do you find someone to live and support you when you have not only a child but a half-foreign child? Your reputation is tainted. She’s a pain sometimes but…I guess I do work somewhat for her too.”_

_Literally what did it matter? ‘Half-foreign’, as if he were ‘half-demon’ or ‘half-monster’. Everyone was so jaded. “You’re going to have to show me where you live, kid, I haven’t been to whatever mansion you live at before.”_

_“A-Alright.”_

_She strode beside him, only stopping when he stopped to give the promised cigarettes to the Wasaba yanki. One of the girls, a brunette with beautiful brown eyes, her hair pushed forward kind of interestingly, gave her something of a confused look. She was wearing a long blue uniform skirt and a leather jacket as she smoked a black cigarette. Dana had never seen a black cigarette before. Of course, before today she’d never seen women smoking._

_“What’s with you and rich chicks lately, Yama-chan? The Wasaba chicks not good enough for you anymore?”_

_“Pussy is pussy just like cock is cock, Mariko.”_

_So VULGAR. But the girl in question actually grinned, taking a hard puff. “I guess some brilliant broad said something along those lines, didn’t she?”_

_“She did.”_

_Dana leered at him, “Not to mention I’m not sleeping with you. I’d a kid with no boobs, remember?”_

_“Yep, this is my sidekick” Yamada agreed, infuriatingly, at ease. “Jumped on a yank punk’s back to keep me from getting completely stabbed. She’s kind of like Uran, I guess.”_

_Uran? They laughed but of course, being sheltered from all ‘meaningless trivia’, she had no idea what that meant. Mariko came beside Yamada as they were about to depart and whispered something into his ear. Dana was almost appalled when he gave her a rather sultry kiss and remarked that he’d come by when he got off. What about Hachiko!?_

_Oh, right, that’s how ‘relationships’ were. Annoyed and not knowing why, she pursed her lips and walked ahead of him as they crossed the line back into Subami. Whatever, he could do what he wanted. His own mother called him a whore._

_“Oi, why are you all huffy?” Yamada demanded after about ten minutes of silence._

_“I don’t know what you mean” she sniffed._

_Yamada snorted, “I know when a girl’s pissed, kid. What? The Astro Boy remark?”_

_Eh? Astro Boy?? “…So Uran is a character from Astro Boy” she crossed her arms, frowning thoughtfully._

_“Um, are you serious right now?”_

_Tossing her nose up, she huffed, “I’m not allowed to watch anime or fictional fantasies like that.”_

_Yamada gave her this rather dreadful look as if he was pitying and in disbelief. What!? Not everyone watched cartoons. “What did you even do as a more kid? Morning cartoons were the only reason to get up in the morning.”_

_She grimaced. “I…I read and took lessons.”_

_“Do you at least read manga?”_

_Dana had to shake her head and he rolled his eyes, “Wow.”_

_“Don’t say ‘wow’! It’s not an important part of being alive to watch anime or manga!” she sulked._

_Yamada nodded, “It’s not.”_

_But of course to have been alive the amount of time she had and not once to have skimmed a page of manga or watch more than a half second of an anime was…_

_Complicated._

_Feeling a little lost, she sighed as they came to the mouth of the neighborhood, full of mansions like Yamada had suggested. “I can make it the rest of the way.”_

_He looked at the first house, three stories and completely brick with a gate in front. With a frown, he glanced back at her. She swallowed, his blue eyes so bright in the dark night. What was he even thinking?_

_“…Look, don’t ever do it again but…thank you for jumping in. Save for Mariko I don’t expect many of my girl friends to have even stuck around long enough to have my back like that. I guess I owe you one.”_

_Dana pouted, “…Not really. You still got stabbed.”_

_“Could’ve been worse.”_

_He turned to walk away and she swallowed, glancing to see if anyone was around. They’d talk about her being escorted home by some ‘strange boy’ and even more about yelling to him. All…appearances. “Yam—Yagami!”_

_Glancing back at her, she scowled, “D-Dying your hair would make you look even more suspicious! You’re better off as a blond!”_

_Yamada, for…whatever reason, smiled, “I’ll keep that in mind, Dana.”_

_Eh?! When did she say they were on a first name basis?! Heart beating rapidly all the same, she slowly headed up the hill to set the bag somewhere for her to sneak in later. It was the latest she’d come home yet and she would have been worried were her parents not already away in Kyoto._

_That was only the beginning._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

Hideyoshi Rosa smiled as her papa gained Chika’s ultra adorable giggles, the just two year old giving some kisses as he caught her in their little chasing game. “Aww, you’re such a sweetie, princess.” 

“Grandpapa play!” Chika declared, holding his shoulders. 

“I am at your command” he assured. 

Rosa snickered, standing from the couch and patting his back, “Actually, she will be in command after thirty minutes. It’s nap time, my sweetie.” 

Chika pouted petulantly, looking back to him with her big red eyes hopefully. “Grandpapa stay?” 

“Of course, princess” Koji smiled warmly, “You get some rest and we’ll have more fun when you get up.” 

“Okay!” 

Rosa took his latest granddaughter from him, reporting she’d be back in a few moments. Yawning, he slammed back on the sofa, staring around. A nap didn’t sound too bad. This ‘finding every way possible to avoid his family stalking at home’ gig was getting draining. 

Koji glared toward his son-in-law, the ‘king of tsunderes’, Hideyoshi Chihaya. While he’d been up and playing with Chika when Koji and Popuri arrived, the second Chika’s attention turned to him and Popuri offered to make them lunch for the intrusion, he went straight to that damn computer. “Is that mouse attached to your hand, punk?” 

“What? I can’t hear you, _father_.” 

Chihaya’s back was to him. Koji picked a coaster up off their coffee table and chucked it at Chihaya’s head with successful contact. “Ow!! Damn it!” 

Finally the blond turned to leer at him as Koji casually glanced at his nails, drawling. “You usually ignore my precious grandbaby to play games, huh?” 

“Of course not! Usually when you don’t _randomly_ show up Chika is ALL about me but I must be bottom man on her totem pole!” 

Koji raised a brow at this analogy, having to recall what a ‘totem pole’ was. Being in the Americas had actually changed their language up quite a bit and even he, usually very fluent in Americanisms, got confused sometimes. Alas, he shrugged. “So she’s just being a good hostess to uncommon guests. At least she’s not _on the computer_ the whole time.” 

“Really? Do you want me to get _off_ the computer so we can have a nice heart to heart chat?” Chihaya questioned dryly. 

“Jesus Christ, _no,_ never mind. Do you.” 

Chihaya snickered, turning back to the computer but remarking, “So Rosa mentioned that you’re running away from your relatives despite the fact they’re _always_ around anyway.” 

Koji stretched his arms across the couch, dropping his head back. Yes…after Popuri and he had had a fantastic night at the hotel between increasingly tantric sex, room service, and champagne, they returned home only to find the cycle had restarted. Sunday, Shin and Lyla. Monday, dinner night. Tuesday, Tony and Karen. Wednesday, Shaun and Ann. Thursday, Nelly. Friday, Jill and Cliff. And oh yes, mom and dad were over Saturday. 

_What_ was going on? What were they doing? He demanded it from each of his siblings only to get some stupid answer that didn’t make sense in the realms of their relationships. Realizing completely they really were keeping something from him, he went to their spouses instead. That was when it got really weird in his book, all of them admitted the exact same thing. Their husband or wife said ‘it was important that they stay over’ but no reason why. Um, ‘kay. 

Frustrated, he grunted, “It’s going to be something stupid, I know it, their ‘reasons’.” 

“Now papa, does the family usually do extreme things like this for ‘stupid’ reasons?” 

Rosa returned, coming down their long flight of steps in their Massachusetts home. He rubbed his brow, shaking his head. “…No. But I know I’m not going to like it.” 

His youngest daughter smiled, sitting beside him and patting his leg. “Well, regardless, it’s good to see you. It’s so hard for us to come over to see you and Chika-chi loves your company.” 

“Yea, it shouldn’t take my family being insane to get me here though” he sighed deeply, kissing her forehead. “And we’ll be out of your hair soon, promise. I’m about at my end on this so I’m going to have to get mean soon to figure this s—t out.” 

“Don’t worry, I’m sure that’ll just be your everyday voice” Chihaya droned. 

Rosa smirked widely as Koji chucked another coaster at Chihaya with dead accurate aim. “Good luck, papa.” 

He smiled before groaning deeply when his phone rang. Staring at it to see who was ‘worried’ today, he found it was his dear mother. Almost deciding not to answer it, he figured at the very least maybe something was the matter. He doubted it but…well, he wasn’t the type to risk that. 

“Hello…?” 

“Koji! Koji, where are you?” she demanded in a panic. 

Nope. Rubbing his face, he groaned out, “I’m at Rosa’s house, mom, what is the issue?” 

“You didn’t tell anyone! We were worried!” 

“Last _I_ checked, mom, we have been operating on our own for decades now. I guess I should have told _someone_ but you guys are clinging the hell out of me!” 

Waiting for a response or at the very least a _good_ reason for this behavior, his mother simply fell silent. Finally, she muttered, “Koji, the…the Kamaishi that have been released from prison, they’re…they’re not good people. And…and for reasons beyond me they might…they might be after you the most, alright?” 

… _What_? Koji gaped. “So wait, you guys are _guarding_ me because these people will come after me?” 

Rosa looked up, alarmed, and even Chihaya looked over his shoulder questioningly. His mother was quiet again. “Mom, tell me what the hell is going on. Do I need to worry about Kae and Keiji’s safety right now?! I have _children_ there, mother, they might be at risk too!” 

“No, no, they’ll be fine, sweetie” she insisted gently, “Just…we are being too clingy to you and we’ll stop. Just…keep checking in with us, okay? Hopefully this all blows over soon.” 

“Mother, you literally just explained _nothing_ to me. What could I have possibly done to make the Kamaishi come after _me_ when the last time I saw them was when I was four or five!?” 

Quiet, Dana finally murmured, “You…you didn’t do a thing, baby, nothing at all. I love you, okay?” 

“…I love you too” he mumbled, now completely confused and also on another level of concern. 

“Call me when you get home, okay? Have fun with Chika and Rosa and give them our love.” 

She clicked off and he felt nauseous. Great, so he was being chased by what was considered a mob family now. Had he done something? Like he couldn’t even remember why his stepfather went to jail and now apparently he had something to do with their downfall? At _four years old?_ What even? 

…It was only the beginning. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

End Notes: 

I don’t own Astro Boy XD It isn’t the best parallel either since apparently Uran got Astro Boy in trouble a lot but it was the best I can make since I don’t know much about 60s-70s anime/manga XP 

You can’t imagine how awesome it was to make Elli’s mom a yanki. Which isn’t really a spoiler but just in case I forget to mention it, Mariko is Elli’s mother. It was mentioned in ‘Answers’ that she and Yamada were old ‘friends’. 

Since I’m mentioning stuff from other stories, in Lessons in Life when Kairi was giddy about ‘Space Oddity’, Dana did remark that she loved that song. Space Oddity is by David Bowie…and David Bowie did go to Tokyo around this period on the Isolar II tour or something. 

By the way, this is circa time period when Chika was two. Weird since she’s married with kids in Otome/ENDGAME right now but I jump around like that. If the rest of this tale seems very odd and poignant not to be mentioned, this is like the ‘lost’ period in Yume and other stories. 

Oh yea, when Dana was like ‘seriously?’ when Yamada was telling her about why he wanted to be a doctor, basically the guy’s name is the Japanese name for the Buddhist deity Vaisravana. Yagami is also ‘light gods’ so it’s like an overabundance of deities in one name. 


	3. Genesis

**Chapter 3:** Genesis 

**Author’s Note:** So it doesn’t seem like I’m bs’ing on Tumblr, here’s about a fourth of what I’ve written. Koji’s parts are sparse because it’s not relevant just yet. Enjoy and hopefully it’ll be a completed story NEXT month. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_Yagami Yamada hugged himself in the cold, annoyed. Annoyed…well, annoyed but excited. He supposed he tried to play it down but this was probably one of the only opportunities he’d ever get to see David Bowie._

_He must’ve been her play thing or something. He saw no reason why she was even bothering to hang around him. Honestly he didn’t understand any of those rich chicks wanting to hang out with the likes of him. Maybe Hachiko and Chitose, there was ‘adventure’ in sleeping with a ‘gaijin’. But what did Dana get out of it? They weren’t shagging._

_Yamada leaned against his bike where Dana told him to meet her. It was just as well they didn’t meet in that fancy pants neighborhood. That place ate at him for some reason. She…_

_She had everything._

_“Ah! It’s not that cold out! I’m so happy!”_

_Yamada leered as her voice interrupted his thoughts, about to disagree whole-heartedly. Unfortunately it was the difference between their water bill and buying a coat to replace his ruined one this last month. And unfortunately that was no contest. He couldn’t wear his guard coat except AT work so his options were to wear his mechanic overalls everywhere or just bear the cold._

_He raised a brow as she practically pranced up to him. She was wearing a long coat but he could still see her bare legs. She was wearing black flat leather boots…not like normal at all. He didn’t really know she wore anything except school uniforms. Well…she had nice legs for a kid._

_His brows furrowing, half because of his own thoughts and half because she was carrying a bag, Dana looked dually as excited as him. Probably was about to burst because she was sneaking out to go to a concert or something. However, this ‘carrying stuff’ was only going to get in the way. She just smiled and set the bag down, reaching into it. “I knew you’d be insane and not get a coat.”_

_“Meh.” Coats were for people with money._

_“So I made you one!”_

_…She what? Yamada could only stare as she pulled out a coat that appeared to be made of that leather she bought the night they got attacked. “It’s got some flaws but leather is so hard to manipulate…”_

_She MADE him a coat? Almost appalled as she handed it to him, happily declaring he try it on, he mindlessly slid his arm into the sleeves. Oh…okay._

_“Ugh, I think one of the sleeves is longer than the other. I knew I should’ve taken measurements” she pouted._

_It was subtle, that flaw, perhaps like the difference of two centimeters. He zipped it up and…hell, the zipper worked. “Well, this…is unexpected. Thanks. What made you even bother?”_

_“Well, you deigned to come with me and I take every opportunity I can to make clothes. Is it warm?”_

_Warmer than anything he owned. She had actually sewn some sort of downy material on the inside too. “That’s…cool.”_

_Folding the bag up and sticking it in a trashcan, Dana looked suspiciously at his bike. “And we won’t die on that thing?”_

_“We won’t” he sulked, taking her hand to pull her onto the back before slipping in front of her, “Just make sure to hold on.”_

_“O-Okay.”_

_She wrapped her arms around his waist and he grumbled to himself, figuring he was indebted to her now. A coat and tickets to a concert._

_…Yea. That’s why he hated them._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

Yagami Yamada sat in the gigantic suite that was his bedroom. An amazingly large California king sized bed with a canopy, a breakfast nook, a massive on-suite with a gargantuan tub they hardly used, and three huge walk in closets. Staring into the _one_ he got to use, he smiled wistfully, seeing the sleeve of an old worn relic that should have shed away years ago. No…things had been so much simpler then. 

“Yama?” 

He glanced to the bathroom, his wife walking out naked and patting her dark brown hair dry. They ought to have been shriveling away but that was not the body of a woman in her nineties nor the body of even a thirty year old woman that had given birth to six children. Even after all these years he was certain Dana was out of his league. 

Sighing miserably, Yamada rubbed the back of his neck. He’d been so sore and fatigued since all this nonsense with Kamaishi Domo. In some ‘political’ side of himself he understood they couldn’t keep him any longer. The father side was prepared to go kill him this second. 

His wife sat beside him after wrapping another towel around her, leaning over to peer in his face. “Yama, you have to relax. Everything will work out, I told you.” 

“Will it, Dana?” he questioned solemnly, “What do we do if it just blows up in our face?” 

“I can’t let that happen.” 

“ _You_ wouldn’t but nothing’s keeping it from unraveling at all” he scowled softly, “It’s purely unethical what we did.” 

Dana looked nonplussed. “Ethics wouldn’t save our children.” 

“Wouldn’t they?” 

Closing her eyes, the woman sighed as she stood and went into one of her three closets. “…It would have been different. Different if I’d just stayed.” 

Yamada stared after her, resting his chin in his hands. Different. Yes, entirely. They most likely wouldn’t be sitting in this huge home. They probably would have had, at most, three children. One of them wouldn’t be a world renowned fashion designer and one of them most certainly wouldn’t be a neurosurgeon. 

…But then, maybe it would have been just fine that way. It had been simpler then. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

“Oh my God, it was so good!” 

“Yea. No Moonage Daydream or Space Oddity though.” 

Kobayashi Dana scowled as she held his arm at his request, not wanting to get separated in the large crowd in Tokyo. “You’re such a downer.” 

“There are certain songs you want to hear at a concert, kid, and I would have killed to hear those in concert. All the same though, it was good. Thanks.” 

She frowned as they found their way to the motorcycle they’d arrived on. While she expected to freeze to death, Yamada’s wide frame took a majority of the wind resistance. She’d wondered if he was cold but he assured he was fine. He helped her back on the bike, sighing, “I owe you a lot now though and that’s a pain.” 

Dana leered, “You don’t owe me anything. You drove us here with your own gas and you even bought me a t-shirt! Not to mention all the food you get me. We’re even.” 

“Pfft. Speaking of food though, I’m starving.” 

“It’s after midnight” she groaned. 

He snorted. “There’s _always_ ramen.” 

…Ramen. ‘Devil food’ as her mother put it since it was ‘poor’ and suggested to be fattening. Yamada was pretty insistent though. Did he really think he owed her…? 

They found a place that was rather crowded, probably full of also hungry concert goers. He told her to stay with the bike…she supposed Tokyo yanki looked at her curiously as she sat cross legged on the back of Yamada’s ‘Harley’. No, no, nothing out of the ordinary, just…sitting on a bike. 

“Those legs are a little too long for a kid.” 

Jumping, she was startled when Yamada reappeared, expertly holding two bowls and two Cokes. “I beg your pardon?” 

He handed her a bowl before straddling the empty side. “They’re checking out your legs.” 

Dana flustered, staring at the limbs. _Legs_? Legs were sexy too?! People. Using the chop sticks to eat the soup, she felt…uncouth. This wasn’t traditionally how she ate food, on…the back of bike. Though, looking around at all the others here that were their age also hanging out, for once in her life she didn’t feel left out. She looked to Yamada curiously. “Do you do this a lot?” 

“Hell no.” 

“Oh, right, you’re the world’s oldest seventeen year old” she drawled, sipping her broth. 

Yamada rolled his eyes, “I go to parties around Subami but do I just go and hang around with a bunch of total strangers? No. I’ll go to places where I at least _know_ people.” 

Oh, that made sense. “I’ve never been to a party.” 

“You’re too young for parties, especially the parties I go to.” 

Idiot. “One second I have hot legs and the next I can’t go to your stupid parties” Dana huffed, “You’re just a hypocrite.” 

The blond snickered, tilting the disposable bowl up to his mouth. “Nice legs are one reason you _can’t_ go. I thought you figured out men were sleaze balls?” 

“Oh, true.” 

He took the bowl after she finished and she quickly drank the rest of her Coke. Well, as fun as this was, she also had to sneak back in before anyone really noticed. Yamada returned and raised a brow at her questioningly. “You ready?” 

“Yes. I have to sneak back in now…” 

Yamada groaned, straddling the bike and turning it on. “I hope this was worth it, princess. They might trap you in the tower now.” 

She scoffed, hugging his waist after putting on the helmet. “If I didn’t take these moments when they come I wouldn’t have anything to show for it.” 

“…Yea.” 

Dana gazed at the cityscape as they traveled the highway. Looking at the back of Yamada’s head, she said just loud enough to hopefully be heard over the howl of the motorcycle’s engine. “I know I’m just a ‘kid’ but I do really hope you enjoyed yourself a little, Ya-Yagami!” 

“Will you stop that and just call me ‘Yamada’? Damn.” 

Her heart skipped. ‘Yamada’?! That was his supposed first name! Why was he being so forward?! Pouting, her face hot, she mumbled, “That must be your American blood talking.” 

He must’ve heard her because he snorted but didn’t respond. No, she…was sure it wasn’t that. When he got to her neighborhood, he stopped a few blocks away and helped her off. “…Look, kid, I guess I _ought_ to ask if I can call you ‘Dana’ when you’re not ‘kid’ or ‘princess’--” 

“I was joking!” she protested before pausing. Wait. “…I-I guess. I’ll…I’ll accept it since you’re ‘Yamada’ now, _Yagami_.” 

Surprisingly he smiled some again. “Sounds promising then. You better go sneak back inside before your bodyguards come looking for you.” 

Nodding, she whispered her ‘thanks’. He waved a hand as he sat on his bike but not starting it. “Go.” 

Quietly going up the street, holding the shirt he got her as a souvenir, Dana’s heart was beaming with this moment. She got to see her favorite singer! After having to hide albums, lo, even her interest, she actually snuck out of her home to go to a concert and got back after midnight. And…and with a boy, no less. This was her one moment of rebellion… 

…With Yamada. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_“Dude, you went to the Bowie concert?”_

_Yagami Yamada took a hard draw off of a joint, stretched out across Hamasaki Shin’s couch. Despite having dropped Dana off around two, when he crossed the gang on the street they insisted he come to some stupid party they were having. He thought Mariko would be paying attention to him but naturally his ‘cousin’ always won out in that deal. “Yea. It was decent.”_

_“For someone always tight with cash I’m surprised you’d treat yourself to something” Shin remarked, taking the ‘cigarette’ back to inhale._

_“You know I wouldn’t” Yamada droned, picking up a beer and glaring at it, “What is this s—t anyway, Shin? You drink better s—t out of a gutter.”_

_Shin snorted, “Cousin brought it back from America. ‘Pabst Blue Ribbon’.”_

_“Sheesh” Yamada recoiled, drinking it regardless._

_“So if you didn’t buy the ticket, what’d you do? Sneak in?”_

_Rolling his eyes around, Yamada shook his head, “That girl I was with a month back bought me a ticket. She likes Bowie too.”_

_Shin looked a little unimpressed. “Rich chicks again, huh? You know how they are, they’re just ‘intrigued’ with the ‘poor’ to be, supposed, ‘rebels’.”_

_Yamada frowned, staring at the jacket she made him which he hadn’t taken off just yet. “…I dunno.”_

_“You ‘dunno’?”_

_“She’s a little different than most of the other rich chicks I shag—I MEAN, we’re not SHAGGING. She’s just a kid.”_

_His friend gave him a look. Yamada glared back, “Seriously, it’s not like that.”_

_“So she’s hanging around you not for sex and is getting you concert tickets and coats. If she’s not being a rebel she’s just pitying your ass” Shin remarked._

_Yamada had thought about that too. Poor guy, having to work three jobs just to keep his lights on for his mom. It was like the biggest sob story._

“If I didn’t take these moments when they come I wouldn’t have anything to show for it.” 

_…He was a cynic. He didn’t take fancy words and get moved by them as they were just that: words. They could mean anything and be clouded by false intentions._

_When she said that though he knew exactly what she meant, even being from different sides of the tracks. For him, it was being on this side that made it feel like he was missing out on chunks of life. He could be in school making a better life for himself but life said he’d have to make do with what he got. Who knew the case with Dana, being she had to take insular moments like going to a concert to practice her dreams. And had he had the money to go to concerts as he wanted? It’d be no big deal. For her, it was like some sort of lifetime event._

_…Maybe she was using him but maybe he was her only option. How…troubling._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

“Koji, dude, just…relax. I don’t know why mom wanted to freak you out.” 

Yagami Koji paced his living room, not sure whether to collect his entire family and put them in a safe house or just go tackle whoever the hell this Kamaishi bastard was. Why specifically _him_? And really, why did he not remember _anything_ about him? Seriously, this was a guy they spent a portion of their life with, why did he not remember _anything_? He remembered he was _there_ , he remembered it was _awful_ , why couldn’t he remember _him_? 

His twin scowled and stood, grabbing his shoulder. “Koji, listen, man: nothing’s going to happen to you or your kids. Just let us handle it and you…well, you just stay out of it.” 

“ _Excuse me_?” Koji said incredulously, pinning him with a look of disbelief, “‘Stay out’ of how I am apparently potentially the target of a pretty much _mob family_? I’ll fight them, sure, but _why_? Why _me_?” 

Nelly pursed his lips. “Look, don’t think about it too deeply. They’re nuts. That’s why mama escaped, remember?” 

“ _No_. That’s what I’m trying to tell you, Nelly, I can’t remember a _thing_! I know we were Kamaishi, I know they were scum, but the section between when we became Yagami and lived with dad and that period is a blur.” 

With a sigh, Nelly shrugged awkwardly, “I…I don’t really remember it well either. We were only four, five years old, Koji.” 

He remembered things from when he was five! And some of it was really, really starting to bother him because it were as if major pieces of the puzzle were missing. One particular event was when he came here and met his wife. He was sent here for the ‘fresh air’ but now that he was thinking about it more, did that even make sense? The grandfather that owned the farm Nelly now took care of was his mother’s mother’s removed father who was married to the matriarch of the maiden family. While yes, that meant he wasn’t pure evil it also was weird she’d send him here. And…was he ever _that_ sick? He did remember _being_ sick but…why? 

Suddenly his brother hugged his shoulders, grunting. “It’s not important anymore, Koji. And believe me when I say whatever happens I’ll be here to protect you, okay?” 

…Okay? Koji patted his back awkwardly, pulling away. “…Nelly, what _aren’t_ you telling me?” 

“What do you mean?” 

… _Bull_. Why was _everyone_ like this? He could handle the damn truth! Stop protecting _him_! 

What was it? 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_Dana frowned as she sat with her friends, the group rather quiet. Chitose, Harumi, and Hachiko were eating the fancy meal they served at their school, exchanging looks amongst themselves. That meant Dana was the one out of the loop. More so, it may have been about her. Ugh._

_“So, what did you all do over the weekend?” Dana asked to break the silence. Or at least start the scolding._

_“Oh, nothing. Well, not as exciting as you” Hachiko sighed airily._

_There we go. “What do you mean?”_

_“You went with Yamada to a concert? To TOKYO?”_

_Groaning internally, Dana sat back. “I should have asked you, maybe, but it was a once in a lifetime opportunity.”_

_Hachiko glared. “It’s not that you didn’t ask me, idiot, it’s that he even WENT WITH YOU.”_

_What? “Yamada is for SEX. We screw then I go home. That is it.”_

_Oh… “…Well, I’m sure he’d go if you asked him.”_

_“Ha, are you nuts?” Hachiko scoffed, “What if my dad or one of his affiliates saw me with a blond commoner? I’d be disowned!”_

_…Oh really? Dana felt her eyes narrow. “…Then exactly what are you irritated with me for? I have the balls to hang out with him outside of a bedroom?”_

_Harumi and Chitose looked horrified as Hachiko glared darkly. “I just think it’s hilarious that you spend so much time telling everyone not to ‘fool around’ since we’re betrothed but you ride Yamada’s dick all the way to Tokyo for a ‘concert’.”_

_“Are you crazy? I’m not having sex with Yamada” Dana raised a brow, “I spend time with him, that’s all.”_

_“Haha, okay.”_

_Oh, so that was it. “Hachiko, I have not had sex with Yamada.”_

_All three stared at her hard. Hachiko sneered, “You mean to tell me, as he’s told me from his own mouth, that he just takes you out to eat, let’s you hang around him, drives all the way to Tokyo for some dumb American’s concert, and he talks about you but you’re not having sex?”_

_Jeez, Yamada. Fighting a blush, she stared back, unwavering. “No, we have never had sex. And I don’t want to. Yamada’s my friend.”_

_“Your ‘friend’. You have to be kidding” muttered Hachiko._

_“Jeez, though. He’s done all that” Harumi pouted, “You ought’a, like, repay him then!”_

_Dana rolled her eyes, continuing to eat her lunch. Eating a bit of rice, Dana grumbled, “We don’t have that sort of relationship. That aside, he thinks I’m a ‘kid’.”_

_Chitose looked thoughtful. “I guess that’s true. You don’t have any experience.”_

_Ew. Hachiko suddenly seemed convinced. “Yea, totally. Now it makes sense. He’s just hanging out with you because you’re a kid to him.”_

_Offended but silent for the moment, Dana felt…annoyed. Why though? Did she want Yamada to treat her like Hachiko? A quickie and that’s it? She…didn’t want that at all. That wasn’t even a relationship; that was just an arrangement._

_So what irritated her about him seeing her as a kid?_

“Hot f—k, it’s hot.” 

Yagami Yamada sulked as he stood in the steaming shop, frustrated. Literally all his customers were just coming in to fix the air conditioning in their vehicle. His damn home didn’t even have air conditioning and they were worried about their cars. Annoying as usual. 

Well…tomorrow would be a much needed break. He hadn’t had a vacation pretty much ever. Lifting his muscle shirt to wipe the sweat from his brow, Yamada jumped when Dana skipped into the building. “Hi!” 

His ‘sidekick’. From winter to spring she just showed up at her own convenience just to bug him, it seemed. Well, not _really_ but she had to have _something_ else to do. All he could say for her coming was she was pretty damn good at changing tires now. Great? 

“You know, I do remember summer vacation and I know for damn sure I wouldn’t spend it hanging around a greasy old shed.” No…actually, he did. He just worked through his summer holidays when he was in school. Man, life sucked. 

Today she was wearing a tweed skirt and a black sweater like it wasn’t _99 degrees._ “Are you trying to _die_?” 

“I’m _modest_ ” Dana huffed, taking her seat on the bench where she normally would, “My mother wouldn’t let me wear a crop or tube top anyway.” 

“Bull. You’re going to have a swell time tomorrow then.” 

Dana’s dark brows furrowed, puzzled. “What happens tomorrow?” 

Yamada grumbled as he grabbed a wrench, “Hachiko goes on some annual trip to the beach or something? She’s got a bus that she and a bunch of other strangers are traveling in. It’s free and I need to relax so that’s the only reason I’m going. She’s been hella annoying lately.” 

“Oh.” 

‘Oh’ what? Dana swung her legs, absently gazing off, “I’m never invited.” 

What? He scowled, starting to do the complimentary oil change on this beast he’d been fighting the last three hours. “Why? Are you a nag?” 

She leered. “No, I’m not a nag on the trip because I’ve _never_ been invited.” 

Taking off the filter, Yamada raised a brow. Weirdly enough, he was sort of under the impression she _would_ be there. He knew Hachiko and her sidekick Chitose from…rendezvouses but the rest of this rich bitch clique were going to be complete strangers. Dana at least meant he _knew_ someone there. 

He dropped onto the creeper to slide under the car, disgruntled, “There’s no way in _hell_ I’d go on this thing knowing only two people. You’re coming as my damn guest.” 

“How are you going to invite someone on a _free_ trip that you’re not paying for?” Dana questioned dryly. 

“What are they going to say? ‘Oh yea, that chick we hang out with? She can’t come’.” 

“You’d be surprised.” 

What? Ugh, women. Rolling his eyes as he took the drain plug off to leak out all the old oil, he sat up and glared. “…Why don’t you just take the train then? Just call it one of your red letter days and make yourself a bathing suit or somethin’.” 

Her brown eyes suddenly lit up. Yea, figured that would get her. If not the ‘take every moment you can’ then the ‘making clothes’ part. “That would be so much fun! Not the taking a train alone part but the bathing suit!” 

“I’ll ride back with you. I can’t afford round trip.” 

She looked surprisingly hopeful. “Really?” 

“Yea, sure” he shrugged, “I budgeted for a disaster should I be trapped down there anyway.” 

Dana gasped, jumping to her feet, “Tomorrow! I have to go work on my suit now!” 

He glowered as she scruffed up his hair, gushing that he was the best. Swatting and shooing her, he sighed as she skipped off to her task. Figured. What was the big idea not to invite her anyway? And never? Was Hachiko even Dana’s friend? The broad had been weird about Dana anyway, taking any slight mention he made about her into some big fight. It was a seriously sad day for him when his annoying sidekick was not only better company but more _fun_ than one of his partners in the sack. Super sad. 

…What was the deal? 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

“Ya-ma-da-a-a…don’t you think it’s _boring_?” 

Yagami Yamada opened one blue eye to stare drolly at Hachiko. They were on some fancy pants bus and she was currently sitting beside him, bothering the hell out of him. He was having a fine time _sleeping_ , usually how he’d spend his rare days off. But nope, none of that. She was trying to get into his pants and he now was enlightened enough to realize he didn’t appreciate that. Then, chicks were always trying to get into his pants and it was _rarely_ the reverse so whatever. 

Shifting his stare across the vicinity at the other big shots she brought, he found them glaring darkly at him. Most of the guys sat on the whole opposite side unless they were with their girlfriend. Yamada had already heard the whisper about what Hachiko saw in a ‘damn gaijin’. Sorry for genetics. Or existing, apparently. 

“Aren’t we almost there?” he sighed finally, rubbing his forehead, “Lemme sleep a little bit more.” 

Hachiko scowled, “That is literally _all_ you do. Are you really seventeen?” 

Yes. He was seventeen with _three jobs_. Now that it was summer he’d probably pick up a fourth as a pool boy or something. He didn’t have luxuries such as _sleeping_. Annoyed, he changed the subject. “Why, precisely, didn’t you invite Dana?” 

Oh, the taboo of mentioning one of her friends that she introduced him to in the first place. Hachiko indeed appeared irritated. “Her parents are strict, they wouldn’t let her come to the beach with a bunch of boys.” 

True…but wait. “I thought _your_ parents were strict?” 

“Well, that’s different!” 

…How? Yamada said simply, “Well, she’s coming. Simple as that.” 

“…What?” 

“She swung by yesterday at the shop and I was under the impression she was coming. I don’t go on complete stranger trips like this where I only really know one person, y’know?” he yawned, “So I told her to take the train here.” 

“W-Why would you _do that_?!” she almost screamed. 

Yamada’s brows furrowed, “Look, I doubt she’ll be a nag--” 

“A na—that is the least of my—ooh! Yamada!” she seethed, getting up and walking back to her other girl gang. 

_What_ ? What was the problem? Literally the only issue Dana would have is being a wet blanket! For a second he wondered if maybe they were carrying something and she definitely wouldn’t like _that_ but c’mon. The guys that dubbed him a disgrace to the Japanese race shot him a look. Yamada heard them whisper ‘Dana hangs out with him _too_? I thought she was better than that’. 

…Meh. 

Confusingly irritated by that, Yamada was starting to regret this decision immensely when they finally came to a full stop. He could have just gotten the gang to pool together some money and take a cheap bus out here. It would have been a thousand times more enjoyable already. Maybe next day off…then he could bring Dana since apparently the s—t was about to hit the fan because he invited her. 

When he stepped out into the fresh air, he instantly felt better. The sea breeze was soothing and the sunshine against his skin was miraculous. Eh, screw those issues. 

“Ah! You guys are here!” 

What? Yamada looked to Kobayashi Dana. She was holding a satchel and had on a bright yellow sundress, the straps just ties. Probably the most revealing he’d seen her…and…weird. What was happening to her chest? 

Dana looked ecstatic though and he had a feeling that was about to be extinguished. Hachiko’s arms were crossed and Chitose looked sullen. Only Harumi appeared to think nothing of it, smiling. “Hi, Dana! You got here early.” 

“Nn, the train was running way ahead of schedule but I haven’t been here very long.” 

“Well, that’s just _swell_ ” Hachiko smiled, clearly a false expression, before grabbing his arm, “Well, let’s get to the water then!” 

Chitose was almost sniffing clouds her nose was turned up so high. _What_? Was Dana too ‘lowly’ to be at the beach with them? Did he get a pass because Hachiko clearly wanted to screw at some point? Yeesh. 

The dynamic duo paired up to whisper some more and Yamada was already stressed again. Grunting, he took off his shirt and reached into his pocket to grab a cigarette. Might as well, this was going to be a pain. Suddenly, one of the disdained guys came up to him. He gave Yamada a suspicious look before drawling, “You know why they didn’t want to invite Dana, right?” 

“Nope. Why?” 

“She’s the hottest girl in school. They don’t want the competition for attention and Dana gets a lot of that.” 

_What_ ? The _kid_?! Yamada actually laughed. “What, she has gigantic tits? Killer hips? An actual ass? She’s a little twerp.” 

The guy rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Oh…so you’ve never actually _seen_ her body? That’s refreshing.” 

Annoyed again, Yamada was going to tell him to piss off but glanced to Dana to tell her everyone thought she was hot while he lit up. The cigarette dropped from his gaping mouth. 

Dana was humming as she was rubbing her skin with lotion. All…the overdeveloped portions of it. 

She wore damn sweaters all year round, was _that_ why?! They had to be a C-cup! And she was all damn curvy!? The f—k was this?! 

Whoever punk ass was smiled smugly. “Well, you did give us a rare treat, _gaijin_. I guess you aren’t totally useless.” 

A ‘rare treat’?! Stop ogling her! Rushing to her to try to get her to put the dress _back_ on, Dana looked to him with this exuberant smile. “Yamada! Can you put lotion on my back?” 

“Are you _nuts_? Get one of your girlfriends to do it!” 

“Harumi had to go to the bathroom and Hachiko and Chitose are acting like I suspected they would” she blinked, “C’mon, it’s just my back.” 

_Damn it, Hachiko_ . Dana had put out her own blanket that she sat on, shifting her long brown hair over her shoulder. Swallowing, he slowly sat behind her and rubbed the sunblock together in his hands before…rubbing it across her back. Stop it, Yamada, she was still just a kid. 

“Arigato!” she rasped, braiding her hair. She shot his stomach a sideways glance. “…Why would you get such a poser tattoo?” 

“I beg your pardon?” he leered. 

She was right though. If he weren’t drunk _and_ high he would have said no way in hell. If he were drunk, he’d say the same, if he were high, he’d say the same, but both? ‘Hell yea a tattoo saying ‘REBEL’ is a badass idea!’. When he woke up the next day and saw it in the mirror he almost cried. Well, great, he had it forever. Forever a ‘rebel’ like that remotely was cool. 

Dana frowned thoughtfully before running her finger over the ‘R’. “…Tattoos are interesting though.” 

_Stop it, she’s your kid sidekick_ . Yamada’s eyes widened as she slid behind him, rubbing lotion on his shoulders as well. “ _What are you doing_?” 

“You’re already tanned! You need to protect your skin!” 

What the hell _ever_. His eyes widened in horror when her breasts pressed against his back. Damn, they were soft and… 

_STOP IT._ “What do you think of my bathing suit? I didn’t get to work as much as I wanted to on it but I was going for Ursula Andress.” 

He narrowed his gaze at her as she was wearing that white skimpy bikini with the wrapped top around her confusingly nice boobs. “…Why didn’t you go for ‘modest’?” 

“Oh, pooh” she pouted, crossing her arms, “I wanted a sexy bikini at least once in my life!” 

Fine. Dana hugged her knees, smiling. “So this is the beach, huh? We usually just sit in the hotel room while father does his business. My mother worries the sun is too oppressive and sees it as too promiscuous.” 

“Your life sucks” Yamada admitted. Even in his oppressive lifestyle he’d been to the damn _beach_. 

She glowered at him as he sighed, “So what’s the deal with Hachiko? You said you were ‘expecting’ her to be a bitch.” 

Tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear, Dana looked toward Hachiko whom was indeed glaring in their direction. “A boy she liked, Kinta, had a crush on me or something after we had swimming our first year. But it was only superficial anyway, he just liked me because he thought I was cute. I barely even know him or spoke to him.” 

Yamada squinted, staring at her for a moment. He guessed since her mother treated her like porcelain her skin was basically flawless. A brown-eyed brunette wasn’t exactly breaking the mold but, well…she was cute. 

_Cute like his kid sidekick_ , that’s it. Rolling his eyes around, he drawled, “Well, that’s stupid. She’s being a real idiot lately. Anyway, both of us don’t get these moments very often so let’s not waste time on other s—t.” 

Nodding, he sighed as she skipped beside him toward the water. Petty. Petty like children _would_ be. He hadn’t been allowed those sorts of luxuries to work through his issues. He had to be _not_ petty or die. That aside, who was Hachiko scared Dana would ‘tempt’? Him? His kid sidekick had a nice bod, sure, but get real. Not to mention he didn’t belong to her, s—t. 

Dana cautiously wandered into the water, getting her…ankles wet. Yamada snorted and dry lifted her off the ground. She squealed, “Yamada!” 

“C’mon, princess. I’ll ease you in” he droned, walking out until he was hip deep. 

“I-I’ll drown!” 

“You don’t know how to _swim_?” 

“I-I do!” 

He just raised a brow and set her down, smirking at how she seemed shocked she could stand. “Now we just wait for the waves.” 

“Waves?!” 

Smirking, he gave her a quick tutorial, as usual, on how to float on the waves. “That’s _impossible_.” 

“Just try it, damn.” 

Dana squealed and screamed for literally the whole first wave only to emerge invigorated and prepared. Well, she did seem good at getting over her fears, at least. 

“ _Yamada!”_

Groaning, he glanced back on the beach where Hachiko was huffy and giving him this unpleasant look. Yep, definitely coming back with fun people. Yamada glanced to Dana who wasn’t paying Hachiko a lick of attention, seeming to be scouting her next wave. Somehow he had to pat her head. “I’ll try to be back soon. Don’t drown.” 

Pumping her fists, she nodded resolutely. “I’ve got this!” 

He smiled some, wandering back toward the shore toward Hachiko. She glowered at him, shaking her head with a sigh. “You shouldn’t get her _too_ excited. I called her parents and they’re livid!” 

“…You did _what_?” 

“I called her parents” she repeated as if it were perfectly understandable, “They didn’t know she was here at all! Sneaking around and doing things, she’s getting way out of hand.” 

Yamada stared at her before his eyes narrowed deeply in disgust. “So I guess I ought to call your parents and tell them you invited a harem of boys on this trip and use your allowance to rent love hotels to ride my dick in, right?” 

Hachiko blanched, “Y-You _wouldn’t_. They’d never let me go out _again_!” 

“They’ll never let Dana go out again, bitch!” 

“Who cares?” she demanded icily, “She only ever goes out to see _you_ anyway and you yourself said she was annoying!” 

Not _literally_! _Ugh_! Holding his hands up, he laughed humorlessly, “I think we’re done talking about this. With friends like you enemies aren’t looking so bad.” 

“Where are you _going_?! Get back here!!” she screamed as he headed back in Dana’s direction. 

Worst idea ever. And even worse, his heart started to feel a little heavy when he got closer to Dana who was clearly enjoying herself while this unnecessary mayhem went on. No, there…there were other red letter days to come. This one they’d have to abandon though. 

“Hey, uh, kid--” 

“I want to surf” she rasped, watching some surfers in the distance. “I thought they only surfed in California and Hawaii!” 

“Let’s save that for next time, okay? We have to run a little reconnaissance.” 

Dana looked puzzled as he grasped her wrist, leading her toward her things. “Reconnaissance? What do you mean?” 

“Hachiko called your parents and told them you were here.” 

She froze in his touch and quickly jerked away. Yamada gave her a soft look as she appeared _petrified_. “Don’t look like that. We’ll get it fixed.” 

“How?” she said faintly. 

“We’re going to get back on the train, I’m going to take all your wet clothing with me, and you’re going to buy some books and pretend Hachiko’s a _lying asshole_.” 

Dana looked _horrified_. “Yamada, you were looking forward to this vacation yesterday, I can’t ask you to do that!” 

“This was a dead issue the second I got on the bus” he huffed, “I was an idiot. I thought I could hang out with some new people and turns out, once again, I’m just the idiot gaijin that’s only good for a quick shag. And then Hachiko goes pulling this petty s—t with you? Forget it. I’ll come back next time I’m off with my _actual_ friends and then you can surf.” 

“…Okay.” 

He pulled her to the shower to rinse off the sand, her long dark hair curling a bit as she hugged herself. Bleh. He’d feel better when she was the kid and not somehow sultry looking. Satisfied, she went to a stall and pulled on her incognito clothes…a tweed skirt and a black sweater top. 

…No, that didn’t really make him feel any better either. That wasn’t the stuff she wanted to wear at all. 

How it was only 12 in the afternoon and he was already exhausted, he had no idea, but once they got on the train he fell right to sleep. Stupid. Stupid of him to think that he could ‘socialize’ with these people. Even the one he knew _first_ was trifling. Fine, maybe it wasn’t _good_ to mislead one’s parents but like Dana had any choice. She wasn’t some glass doll, she was a person and she deserved to _do things_. And for Hachiko to snitch because she was jealous? No, that fell apart nice and easy and he knew when to get the hell out of dodge. 

He opened his eyes to look at Dana briefly. Obviously she was disappointed. And scared senseless. Suddenly feeling weakened, Yamada absently pat her head again. “I swear it’ll be fine, kid. And don’t give up so much on the good things in your life. They come with hurdles. Just dust it off and we’ll try again later, okay? This isn’t the end.” 

“…Isn’t it?” 

The light flickered brightly against her face as they traveled back from Shimoda. The moments of dimness somehow swallowed him. She was a rich kid, how dare she be this depressed? Or, how dare they have these stipulations that would depress anyone? And who was he to talk anyway? 

…He guessed not a two-faced jerk. “Nope. When do we get to put our foot down and start down our own path if we let everyone decide when it’s over?” 

“I hope so” she murmured. 

Yamada squirmed a bit as she fell asleep against his shoulder, idly looking out the window. Jeez, when did he start feeling responsible for her anyway? Dozing off for a while, he felt clarity when they arrived. Dana, dazed, allowed him to pull her to Wasaba where he had her take a proper shower…in his s—t bathroom. Dana admitted today was the first time she’d _showered_. Meh. 

Once she was dried off and looked exactly how she normally did, he was…relieved? Or something. But he dragged her to the library in Subami, telling her to pick out something ‘relevant’ to what her parents might like. She got something like ‘homemaking’ or something infuriating. He found a nondescript book about different skirts and sleeves and slipped it into her pile. She smiled for the first time in hours. 

…Before they left, he warily wandered to the reference aisle and found a book for college entry exams. As of right now, it was possible for him to skip high school all together. He’d just have to pass the exam at some insanely high average. It hadn’t seemed worth it and why would he spend the little free time he had studying? 

…Of course, what did he just tell her about letting anyone tell them when it was over? Who’d given up in his life? 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

God, he’d saved her _life_. 

Kobayashi Dana glared hard as she sat in her summer course about manners. Hachiko was some seats behind her and Dana could feel the daggers directed at her back. As if Hachiko had been the one stabbed in the back. 

She’d just known the second Yamada told her that Hachiko had told her parents it was over. Fine, she could go and walk around as she wanted. As long as she was in bed by this time or before her parents got back from whatever they were doing, she had that much freedom. But for her to go somewhere unattended? Or to go somewhere where she’d be scantily clad and out in the unyielding sun? They’d lock her away until that forsaken day. 

Yamada assured her that they’d make their way around it but she didn’t know _how_. Hachiko had already revealed her whereabouts! He took her to the library after getting her to her normal appearance and sent her back home. She told him woefully that she enjoyed him teaching her things without regards to her gender or age and that he tolerated her presence. The jerk simply snorted and told her he’d see her tomorrow. 

And she walked into her home, met immediately with suspicion and question. Her stony mother sniffed her hard for at least ten minutes, scraping her hand over her skin for a trace of sand. That’s what the two showers were for. 

He’d also had her read and skim one of the books she took. Her curt father indeed sarcastically demanded what she’d learned in her ‘studying’ so she repeated some of the information she grazed along with knowledge she already had. 

They both fell silent. Dana was about to have a heart attack but managed to act confused, requesting what the problem was. Her mother said sharply, ‘I suppose certain children act without tact. Iseki-san should hear about the rumors her daughter spreads while acting as a harlot’. 

Harlot. While Hachiko was a traitor for turning her in, the act of what she was doing didn’t speak of ‘harlotry’. Just a young person acting as a young person. There were so many people their age there yet it was only a problem because they did it? They, the children of the immodestly wealthy? What…what sense did it all make? 

Chitose ignored her completely but Harumi whispered to her that Hachiko had been punished severely when she got home. That wasn’t what Dana wanted at all. It wasn’t as if she _hadn’t_ been at the beach, it was just if…if Hachiko could be there, why couldn’t she? Why couldn’t _they_ be there? 

At lunch where she prepared to sit by herself, knowing she was now most definitely shunned, Hachiko and Chitose came up to her with livid looks. ‘ _You’ll slip up, bitch. You can have that stupid gaijin trash.’_

Dana had wanted to smack her across the face. How dare she? _‘He wasn’t ‘stupid gaijin trash’ when you were sleeping with him, was he? He’s more of a friend than you’ll ever be and I won’t let you say anything about Yamada’._

Hachiko huffily said they’d _both_ pay and Dana wasn’t sure what Hachiko could do to him. His mother knew perfectly well he was sleeping around so what would she care? She’d just have to be mindful that she wasn’t being tailed and accused of carousing inappropriately with Yamada. Today, she had to go thank him. 

After school, she rushed to the garage to tell Yamada his plan had worked. He’d probably snort and say ‘I knew it would, stupid’ or something equally grumpy or gloating. Heart pulsing, she rounded the corner into the open doors expecting to see him sitting by the fan trying to cool off in this oppressive heat. 

Instead of Yamada there was a black haired older man. 

Dana came to a screeching halt, shocked. The man looked at her with a stern expression. “May I help you?” 

“U-Um, no. Erm, the-the young man that works here, I owed him some money for fare and was going to pay him back. Yagami-san, I believe?” she questioned casually. 

“Oh” he frowned, his expression now thoughtful, “Unfortunately, Yagami-san was fired today. I can try to get in contact with him.” 

_Hachiko_ . “No, that’s alright. I’ll try to square it away some other way. Thank you” she bowed…before sprinting off. 

Damn her!! How dare she take what Yamada needed to _live_ away?! Fine, maybe she wouldn’t be able to leave her house again had they found out but he wouldn’t _have one_ without money!! 

It would be her third time here but she felt awkward walking into Wasaba without him. People indeed were staring at her weirdly and she was almost frightened enough to leave. Almost. 

Finding his apartment building, she wandered up the five flights and walked to his door. He was probably furious with her. She was the one that started hanging around him to begin with. Hachiko hadn’t liked that and the beach trip was just the kindling her ire needed. Now he had no reason to want to have anything to do with her at all. It…it made her chest hurt. 

She knocked anyway. 

It was silent for a long few moments and she imagined Yamada wasn’t even here. He probably was out trying to get _another_ job because he was a survivor like that. Almost reassured, she yelped when the door finally opened. 

Yamada looked groggy…and _drunk_. He was shakily on his feet, glowering at her. “Oh, you.” 

God, so he WAS mad! “Y-Yamada, I’m so sorry—I didn’t think she’d do something so awful!” 

Silent, the man just lumbered back into his apartment but left the door open. She entered and took off her shoes. Yamada was sitting on the floor, slumped back against the old couch they had and clumsily pouring himself a glass of something from a more than half empty bottle. When she sat beside him, he glowered. “So you heard.” 

“Yes…” 

“F—king liar. F-F—king spineless asswipe” Yamada spat, slurring, “H-He knows I-I’ve never even worked on a ‘Iseki Yuu’s’ f—king—f—king muffler. S—t.” 

Of course. If anyone listened to Hachiko’s manipulations it was her father. ‘Whatever you like, princess’, even if it meant someone’s livelihood. “I’ll speak to the owner, Yamada. He has to know you’re his best worker and you wouldn’t do anything negligent!” 

“Forget it. Look how expendable I was to that guy, huh? Rich bitch off the street comes and tells ‘em I wrecked his vehicle. I ‘aven’t seen ‘im a day in my life and the bastard doesn’t even got an invoice but, oh, h-he’s one of the owners of tha’ property so-so what he says goes.” 

Dana gaped as Yamada smiled darkly, “Tha’z what I hate, Dana. Tha’z what I hate about rich people. Four years I worked for him without ‘uh mistake, without ‘uh incident or absence or _nothin’_ but let one rich bitch walk in there and say I did somethin’ and I’m done. That easy. Poof, the world bends at their fingertips. And why? Because…because they got money…and I don’t…because they invested in you…and-and they’ll take it away…” 

Swallowing that, she whispered, “Do you hate me?” 

“This isn’t about you.” 

“I’m rich. Or, at least my family’s rich. They do those things all the time. I-I don’t think they’re right either. And…and I want you to know I think it’s wrong too and-and I hope you don’t hate me because I want it to change. I will change it.” 

He’d dropped his head against the cushion of the chair, staring at her absently. His eyes were the clearest blue and she loved them. Flustering, her heart racing again at her ridiculous thoughts, he murmured: “I hate that you have the power to change it that way, Dana. But I can’t hate you.” 

She squeaked when he fell unceremoniously into her lap, falling drunkenly asleep. Baka. Staring down at him, she shyly played with his hair. He was right. He had done nothing wrong and his boss knew it. But because with one flex of power he could lose everything he had to cut off a perfectly capable limb. Yamada had every right to resent that. 

Looking at the makeshift coffee table near the ashtray, she noticed the book he took out yesterday. It was for entrance exams into college so…maybe he was realizing he didn’t have to accept the path laid before him? 

Dana bit her lip, looking out of the small window. Perhaps… 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_“S—t, dude, she made you lose your damn job?!”_

_Yagami Yamada was lying on the couch in Hamasaki Shin’s apartment. What an awful ass day._

_He’d stayed up late for no really good reason looking at the book. His mother questioned what he was doing and he told her he was considering taking a college entry test. While most mothers would have beamed and supported him, she merely laughed and questioned, one, where was he getting the money to go to college? Two, when would he have the time? In the four hours of the day he wasn’t working? Closing the book, he set it aside and shrugged. Yea, she was right._

_So he went to work the next day to be told by a manager that trusted him to come in, rain or snow, ill or broken, that he had to be let go. Yamada was astounded and thought just maybe he’d done something wrong. He was told that he ‘messed up a muffler job’ for an Iseki Yuu. He tried to remember even working on anything for an Iseki Yuu. He hadn’t…but Iseki? That was Hachiko’s surname. That bitch._

_And he left. Grabbed his tools he’d left there and wandered back home after getting a bottle of whisky. Mother said his dad seemed to enjoy whisky the few months he was here. At least he knew one thing about the guy._

_It wouldn’t really be an issue getting another job. Not at all, in fact. If he’d gone around instead of drinking he probably could have replaced it that day. No, he was…upset. He tried not to get upset about things because it was useless to but he couldn’t help it. Iseki Yuu didn’t even use the shop. He’d not come there a day in his life and his manager that knew Yamada was a good worker allowed the man to manipulate him. And Iseki Yuu? Well, he could manipulate the man. He could have put the whole place out of business by asking for the rest of the building’s loan or saying they were bought out. Just like that. Because he had money. The manager didn’t do anything Yamada wouldn’t have, he could have either let the whole place tank and lose his livelihood or let go of one guy._

_How crushing was that? To be that expendable? Just because that guy had power. Money was power._

_Dana, the ‘catalyst’ of all this, came over and was concerned about him. He was mad at her at first but then she wasn’t the one that called to frame herself with her parents like a conniving brat and told her daddy to get him fired. He must’ve collapsed in exhaustion and woe at some point talking to her. When he woke up she’d made him some food and said she’d make it all better. Whatever._

_Now he was at Hamasaki Shin’s place having a beer. His sometimes good friend glared at him incredulously. “What else do you have to take to realize these rich chicks aren’t worth it, man? A job you’ve had for almost half a decade and ‘poof’? ‘Well, her daddy wants you gone so you’ve got to go’. Bulls—t, man!”_

_Yamada didn’t disagree. Yea, there was no point fraternizing with these people. Their mere existence was on separate levels and he knew that. Why did he hang out with them if he knew? Did he expect it to be any different? “You’re right.”_

_“That’s it, right? Cold turkey, cutting ‘em lose. Even your sidekick?”_

_…Oh. “Well…”_

_Shin rolled his eyes, “What is it about THAT one that makes you think she’s any different, man? She took you to a concert? She’s nice to you? That s—t can all change and you know it.”_

_Even he recognized if he said something like ‘she’s different’ it’d be weird. She’s different. Like she wasn’t about to flex power to ‘fix it’ so he’d be in her debt forever. Same old f—king cycle every time._

_Of course, after he walked her home to her gigantic mansion-filled neighborhood it struck him that she wandered right into the slums that was Wasaba like it was nothing. Like, maybe she had been reluctant but it didn’t stop her. She came right to him by herself. Maybe it was broad daylight but he’d have never been able to get any of the other girls to do that. She came of her own volition to make sure he was okay._

_“…I dunno.”_

_“Whatever, man. Maybe this is for the best anyway, you can come do better work--”_

_“Yamada?”_

_He looked up when, thankfully interrupting that potential fight, Mariko and Mina came on either side of him, hugging his arms and pouting. “We heard you lost your job. Are you okay?”_

_“Meh. I’ll make it. I always do.”_

_Mariko nibbled at his ear, purring, “You sound frustrated. Can we make it better?”_

_Mina’s fingers played with the zipper of his jeans and he raised a brow. ‘We’. Well…maybe today hadn’t been a total bust._

_As with most circumstances like this, he woke up on a mattress on Shin’s floor with Mina and Mariko wrapped around him, naked. It was like eleven o’clock the next morning. Sitting up, Yamada glared around. Most everyone was stretched out in a similar fashion except Shin who probably shacked up in his bedroom if he hadn’t already gone out to take care of ‘business’. Ugh. This was a waste of time. He could have spent at least the last four hours looking for another job. He had to get his act together…_

_…Funny he was preaching about not being defeated though. He felt pretty damn beaten right now._

_Pulling on his pants and shirt, he wandered back to his apartment to shower. At least he needed to look like he hadn’t just had a threesome._

_“You! Where have you been?!”_

_His eyes widened when he rounded the corner and Kobayashi Dana was standing there. She looked cross, her arms folded in annoyance. He felt like he’d been caught cheating or something. Clearing his throat, Yamada grunted, “Why are you here this early anyway?”_

_“I told you I’d fix it for you! I found you a replacement job!”_

_Great. Giving her a droll look, he pulled his keys from his pocket to open the door. “You really shouldn’t have, especially since I don’t take handouts.”_

_“Don’t be crazy” she scowled, following him in, “It’s perfect. At least humor me.”_

_Humor her. “Dana--”_

_“Please…? Just-just to make me feel a little better. It’s my fault. I…I shouldn’t have expected to get away with anything and did it anyway. Now you’re suffering for it.”_

_Groaning at her sad expression, dropping his head back, he grumbled, “FINE.”_

_Her brown eyes brightened and he muttered he wanted to be ‘presentable’ first so just wait there. He could only imagine the job she found. Probably something overly regal or in some stuffy office where he’d lose his mind. Was he crazy about being a mechanic? Of course not, but he needed to do things with his hands, not crunch numbers all day._

_Putting on his one good dress shirt with his one not battered pair of jeans, he shuffled out. Dana excitedly pulled him along. More Subami nonsense. More ‘I can lose my career on a whim’._

_Alas, while Yamada felt he had been most everywhere in Subami, he had no idea where Dana was leading him. It felt like they were going close to the water. He heard there were some small farming islands out there but never thought much about it._

_Finally they came to what seemed to be a small…clinic. It appeared somewhat busy with a mixture of affluent looking people and just…normal folk. A clinic? Was she nuts?_

_They walked in and Dana smiled. “Dr. Souma!”_

_A black haired man was standing in the lobby, apparently directing nurses. He was young and he guessed fairly attractive, gaining attention from a lot of young women in the area. Looking toward them, he smiled, “Ah, Dana-san. That took a little longer than I expected.”_

_“I apologize. Apparently someone was… **depressed** last night and didn’t get back until later this morning” she droned._

_Yamada gave her a mock-smile and ‘Dr. Souma’ chuckled, handing a file to the nurse, “Well, we all need our relaxations.”_

_Really? The man waved them toward a small office in the back, shutting the door, “So, Yagami-san, Dana-san was telling me you were the one that made the ointment for her legs.”_

_Wait, what? He glanced at her slowly. Um… “W-Well, yea. I, uh, studied medicines and herbs. My mother cooks and waitresses at night so she burns her hands a lot.”_

_“I was impressed how well the wounds healed. The scarring was almost nonexistent too” Dr. Souma complimented, “She also told me you were interested in medical.”_

_…What was this? “Um, at…at one time. I think it’s unrealistic considering my life. I’m, frankly, dirt poor and didn’t make it to high school.”_

_The man stroked his chin thoughtfully. “…Yes, unrealistic.”_

_“Dr. Souma!” Dana exclaimed._

_Hell, Yamada appreciated the honesty. He didn’t want to hear that ‘you can do it!’ bull jive. However, Dr. Souma chuckled, “I dropped out of high school. As in, I was attending and decided I’d rather not…for no reason.”_

_Oi? He leaned back and shrugged, “My father, Dr. Brady, never questioned it. Said I’d find what to do with my life and that the path I took was just the harder one. I made my obstacles myself, Yagami-san, where as your obstacles were made for you. No matter the case, do we just stand behind them or do we try to get over them?”_

_…Maybe? It was easy for a rich guy to say. Dana rested her hands on her knees, whispering, “This clinic is the house Dr. Souma was raised in.”_

_…Oh. Looking around quietly, he found it was…bigger than anything he’d ever had but it was surprisingly modest. Dr. Souma chuckled, “I added a majority of this. My dad, Dr. Hardy, he wasn’t ever around much so I just shared a room with my little brother, Chihiro. He’s a doctor too but he works off in a hospital. I decided it’d be thriftier to open it here.”_

_Jeez. Yamada pursed his lips, “I…I guess that’s true.”_

_“Of course, it’s all a matter of motivation. What’s your motivation, Yamada, if you were to become a doctor?”_

_Uh…was he supposed to be honest? The man looked at him pretty poignantly. Well, he’d been sincere most of this conversation. “Money.”_

_“Yamada” Dana hissed._

_What! Dr. Souma actually grinned, “Yea, that’s a majority of people that come into medical’s motivation. It’s no secret.”_

_Oh? “But it’s not like it’s a picnic to do medical. It’s years and years of work and by the time most see what the effort is they decide it’s not worth it. If they get past that point there’s only two motivations: the money or the career. It’s what separates you from being a mediocre everyday doctor to being a great doctor. If your only motivation is yourself you probably can figure out which category you go into.”_

_…Oh. Yamada swallowed. “I…I don’t know.”_

_“Well, naturally! You’re a young guy, it’s hard to know! So that’s why I wanted to offer you a position.”_

_WHAT? “I-I haven’t done one thing medically inclined, sir.”_

_“Oh, we’ll start you with basic jobs. Chores, maintenance, keeping the clinic in good repair. Once I see your work ethic I may start monitoring you doing basic vitals and whatnot. It’s a small start.”_

_…Sure. “Um, I…I don’t really know. I…I need to support my mother and I pay our rent.”_

_Dr. Souma took out a notebook, “My old maintenance guy recently moved to Odaiba so I would like to hire someone on immediately. He made 2500 every two weeks…”_

_What the F—K kind of maintenance was he doing to make 5000 gold pieces a month?! The doctor handed him a handwritten pamphlet and Yamada skimmed it. It…wasn’t anything he’d never done before. Cutting the grass, cleaning, making sure the electrical was in good repair as well as the plumbing…the laundry would be new for a career._

_But…if he made that kind of money, hell, he could quit his other jobs. It took three to bring in 3000 a month. Five thousand, he…he definitely could study. It said here this was an 8 to 5 with two days off. Hell, as long as his mother didn’t catch wind he could save and take the test and maybe even put some aside for school._

_His mind darkly reminded him of his expendability._

_“I’d…like to take this opportunity, Dr. Souma, but--”_

_“Wait” Dr. Souma gushed, “Dana told me about your last job.”_

_Did she now? He shot her a look and she looked cross. “Listen to what he has to say, jerk!”_

_“Yes.”_

_The doctor rubbed his hands together, “This is my family’s land. We paid it off long ago and this clinic belongs to me. Yes, my father has some stake in it. However, he doesn’t make many decisions at all to do with this place and he travels all the time. Not to mention he is the last guy to be manipulated. He lost his eye in the war and he’s a pretty scary looking man.”_

_And he was a doctor?? Dana pouted, “I think Dr. Hardy is sweet.”_

_“He is.”_

_“…So what you’re claiming is no one else makes decisions except you?”_

_“No claims about it” Souma replied, “There’s no way I’d let someone come in here and fire my employees for me. What sort of position would that leave me in?”_

_Yamada’s eyes widened and Dr. Souma sighed, “Seriously, if you have an employee you’ve had for years and is someone you rely upon, how do you expect your business to recover easily? He probably can find someone—but it’ll take time. If you build a good team you don’t tear it apart. He’ll feel the loss. If I fired any of my nurses because some goof with cash threatened me I’d feel the loss. It’s not smart business.”_

_…Oh. “So what do you think? I have some other people lined up but Dana’s grandpa is a patient of mine and she sneaks to me for treatment every now and again. Since she asked I’ll definitely give you preference.”_

_…Well, that wasn’t a complete flex of power. Dana’s grandfather was probably some rich guy but it wasn’t like this job was made just for him or something crazy. He’d be insane not to take it. “I…I’ll take it, sir. Thank you.”_

_“No, thank you. Please, call me Souma. I look forward to working with you, Yagami-san.”_

_…Was this really a new path? Or…or something else?_

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

“Whether it’s changing tires or pruning hedges, you’re my sidekick, huh?” 

Kobayashi Dana was sitting in a chair with a glass of water in hand while he clipped off the dead foliage as well as shaped the bushes in front of the Bryant Clinic. 

‘Bryant’. English. Souma admitted that his father, Hardy Bryant, was an American military doctor whom had met his wife while stationed here. So…a ‘hafu’ too. At least Souma took most of his attributes from the Japanese side… 

It’d been about a month since he started and he had to say it was pretty decent. No absurd hours, no arguing over his wage, nothing really that difficult. Souma even let him check an older woman’s vitals the other day and that was…way different. He took her blood pressure and learned how to count it out. He took her temperature and Souma directed him to ask if she was having any discomfort. Just her feet, the little old lady reported. Yamada took the notes and checked her heart beat before leaving to do laundry. So…different. 

Dana looked up absently, looking at him plainly, “Do I have anything else to do?” 

“You tell me.” 

“I don’t” she grumbled, “Hachiko completely ignores me now and Harumi will only talk to me if she’s not around. And don’t get me started on Chitose.” 

Annoying. He didn’t want to even hear that tramp’s name. Of course, if not for her ridiculousness, he’d not have a far better job right now. Nowadays he went home and studied for about four hours before his mother got back then went out to party. It was unusual but the things he was learning weren’t anything he didn’t recall. And even if it was new he wasn’t really thrown by it. He…probably would have excelled in high school. 

“That aside, I won’t be bothering you too much longer” Dana reported, “I have to go be fitted for my kimono for my birthday party.” 

Birthday? “What, no invite?” he questioned dryly. 

“Well…I’d like to. I’d just have to explain _a lot_.” 

Yamada snickered. That was probably an understatement. ‘Oh yea, this is the guy Hachiko was sleeping with that I went to hang out in a garage with for no good reason’. Well, now there was more to it than that but nothing that made it less unsavory for apparently very conservative parents. Oh well. “Eh, just bring me some cake.” 

“Cake?” Dana echoed, “We don’t have cake.” 

The hell? “Whaddya mean you don’t have cake? That’s the main event at a birthday” he scowled. 

“Not when our parents were coming up though. Or at least mine” she shrugged. 

Right, his mom was only 34. The tradition had only been around since the fifties but still! He thought the rich were all about western stuff! Wiping his brow, he sighed, “Well, whatever, I guess.” 

She sulked at him and he figured he ought to get her something. What does someone get a rich kid though? “Yamada?” 

Looking up, he found her sitting on the edge and kicking her feet. “Can we go to that diner today? I really want a burger. I have money.” 

Yamada snorted haughtily, “ _I_ have money too, kid. I do bewilderingly have a _lunch_ at this place so I’ll take it in a few minutes and we’ll go grab something to eat.” 

Save for Mariko, he’d never met someone just happy to eat. Of course, as of late she appeared really pale and…thinning. Putting away his tools properly, he asked casually when was the last time she ate. 

“Oh…this morning” she drawled, squirming. 

“What did you have?” 

“Uh, a half cup of dates and a glass of water.” 

Yamada knew about frugal breakfasts. Generally he had a piece of bread or if his mom had made rice he’d make egg rice. But half a cup of dates and a glass of water? “Are you dieting for some ungodly reason?” 

Wincing, Dana rubbed her arm, “M-My mom said I was ‘too round’ and that a proper woman shouldn’t be quite that voluptuous.” 

He stared at her for a moment before grunting, “Then we’re getting the biggest ass burger they have with _extra_ fries.” 

This was crazy. Dana had a se—perfectly _nice_ body and either her mom was nuts, from the school of ‘twiggy is best’, or jealous, which would be disgusting. She pouted but didn’t reject the offer. Going to tell Souma he was taking his lunch before Dana passed out from starvation, he found the man looking at x-rays. “Ah, Yagami-san, come here and look at this.” 

Wandering closer, the man showed him an apparent fracture. “I’m going to have to operate in a few weeks. I want you to be there to observe, if you don’t mind.” 

Eh? “O-Of course. That’d probably be interesting.” And a good chance to see if he could even stomach medical. If he couldn’t handle a fracture he definitely couldn’t handle the other stuff. 

“It’ll be at night so it might come with a little over time too.” 

Hell, even better. “I look forward to it. Um, for now, is it alright if Dana and I go grab something to eat? Apparently her mother has her on a diet.” 

Souma raised a brow, “For…what? Dana is a perfectly healthy sized young girl.” 

No kidding. “I guess because she’s…a trifle more shapely than girls her age, sir?” 

The doctor rolled his eyes and filed away his x-ray images. “Of course. Please, take her to get something to eat. When you get back, I’ll have quite a few patients here so I might have you do the preliminary vitals.” 

Oh jeez. “Y-Yes, sir.” 

Bowing, Yamada walked back to where Dana was waiting. He was panicking trying to remember the systolic and diastolic measurements. What…a weird job. Sure he’d had challenging moments at the shop but to have challenging moments here was… 

…Invigorating? 

Dana clasped her hands together, delighted, when they sat down and she stared at the menu. “Oh, a tuna melt would be yummy too!” 

Yamada glanced over the menu absently before just deciding on his usual. When the waitress came, he ordered a Coke. Dana smiled awkwardly, “A-A water, please.” 

While water was the healthiest option in the world, he knew perfectly well she wasn’t drinking it out of preference. He mock-smiled, tilting his head as his eyes narrowed at her, “Bring her an extra Coke too since she has no reason to be _nine kilograms_.” 

She leered at her and the waitress just nodded, walking off. “I-I like water.” 

“I like water too but not because I wanna look like a f—king stick.” 

Slamming her fist lightly against the table, the girl glowered, “You don’t even understand! My mother _constantly_ talks about my shape and my so-called ‘friends’ denied my existence if I happened to have to show it off!” 

He considered it seriously for a long few moments, silent as he idly stared at her. Their drinks came back and the waitress said she’d return momentarily to get their orders while he still…decided. Finally, he conceded. “Don’t think you’re not a kid.” 

“What?” 

“Just because of what I’ll say. Don’t think it changes anything.” 

Dana looked puzzled and he absently drawled, “You…are making them jealous.” 

“What?” 

“I mean, Hachiko’s not bad looking nor does she have a body she should hate and the same goes for Chitose. It’s their bodies, they should be happy with them _anyway._ However…your body is…good. Your mother may think it attracts undue attention or something but literally nothing is wrong with your body. If you weren’t my punk sidekick, I’d probably hit on you.” 

Dana looked _flabbergasted_. “You would _not_!” 

“Would so” he said monotonously, cracking the top on his drink, “Hit on you _and_ try to sleep with you.” 

She chucked a spoon at him as he grinned lazily. He’d go on but it was already heading in awkward direction so best just casually change the subject. “That aside, princess, what do you want for your birthday?” 

Dana still looked flustered but luckily her attention adjusted quickly. “For my birthday?” 

“Don’t tell me you don’t do presents either.” 

“O-Oh, well, we do get presents b-but…” 

But she’d probably say something like ‘I’d feel bad if you got me something, you pauper’. That was just as offensive in his book, he _was_ offering. As long as she wasn’t asking for a yacht. “Stop beating around the bush and tell me.” 

“I-I really like turquoise but my mother stays it’s too showy and not subdued enough.” 

Turquoise? Yamada was confused. “Takoizu…? Is that the blue stone?” 

“Nn. It’s a blue…rock, I guess.” 

She wanted a blue rock?? Was she mocking him? “O…kay.” 

“I was watching an episode of Sonny and Cher with one of my father’s constituent’s family. Cher had the prettiest turquoise jewelry!” 

Sonny…and Cher. “Who are they?” 

“I think they’re American singers? The mother was saying something like they were married but divorced but still friends.” 

“Doesn’t sound like my sort of music anyway” he droned. 

Dana opened her Coke and sipped it, shaking her head. “It…was rather sixties-like but kind of catchy?” 

Yamada personally didn’t know much about sixties music. Sure, he was alive but it wasn’t like his mother was playing it in the house or he was actively going to look for it. Hell, he wouldn’t have known about Zeppelin or Bowie if Shin’s cousin hadn’t brought some records with him. He…wondered about his father’s homeland from time to time but…whatever. 

“…You always tell me about your mother, Dana, but what about your old man?” 

“Father?” Dana echoed before frowning thoughtfully, “…Well, he’s…old-fashioned. The money comes through my mother’s family so he’s actually more like a figurehead than the ‘man of the house’.” 

Strange…he hadn’t heard of many matriarchal families. “But wouldn’t that mean you’d be the next in line? I mean, since you’re the oldest girl?” 

“I’m the youngest. I have two older sisters and a brother.” 

…What? Yamada leered, “I didn’t know you have _siblings_. I thought you were an only child.” 

“Oh, we don’t particularly…communicate. I guess I don’t really see them as siblings but more so other people that live in the house. It’s a shame, really, I’m sure they’re interesting underneath their stony exteriors” she mused. 

She talked about them like they weren’t even her _siblings_. Almost speechless, he shook his head. “Well, that’s…too bad. Then what happens to you and the other sister?” 

Dana appeared surprised for a moment before clearing her throat. “Um…” 

“What?” 

“We’re engaged to prominent affluent members of society. I, uh, I’m engaged to marry Kamaishi Domo. They’re…they’re business moguls.” 

Right. Engaged. Yamada wasn’t sure how he felt about _that_ but he did recall Hachiko saying she was ‘engaged’ too, just messing around. “What if you didn’t _want_ to be engaged to this guy? Do you even like him?” 

“No, not at all,” she muttered, “He’s…painfully arrogant and smug. Maybe even a little sadistic if I had to say.” 

Sadistic? “Has he…harmed you somehow?” 

“Oh, no. Not really, just…he’s always got something to say” she laughed nervously. 

Uh huh. “I think if you’re the youngest they’d let you just marry anyone as long as they have cash.” 

She groaned, “No, no, daughters are bargaining chips. If you want to have a connection to another family you get your daughter married to one of their sons. Same with my brother, he can turn down as many potential brides as he wants until there’s one that is of the most standing.” 

The hell. “Sounds pathetically impersonal.” 

Dana shot him a look, “Don’t you just sleep with any girl that might catch your interest?” 

“That’s one thing, sleeping around _can_ be impersonal. Choosing my _spouse_ because she’s got a rich family is another. And then having my spouse _chosen_ for me is a whole other level.” 

She rolled her eyes and shrugged. “…I guess I never assumed I’d ever want to chase after anyone. That’s what non-arranged marriages are, right? Going after someone long enough until they like you?” 

Yamada honestly wasn’t sure. He’d never tried and his mother was not the prime example for stable relationships. However, he had literally no interest in starting a relationship or marriage. Marriage meant he had to support someone _else_ and possibly _kids_ and that was crazy. Yea, he was doing better now but throw a wife into the mix and babies he’d be back to square one. 

Dana blinked at him as if she were expecting him to have anything to say. Well…he guessed she was kind of cute. 

…Like a _kid._ Yea. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

Yagami Atsuko was staring weirdly at her. Kobayashi Dana smiled shyly as she stood at the woman’s door, bowing. “H-Hello, Yagami-san.” 

“…Hello.” 

“Uh, is-is Yamada--” 

The dark haired woman gestured back toward the door designating Yamada’s room. “Yea, go on in. I think he’s back there.” 

‘Go on in’. His mother left without much else and Dana got the creeping suspicion the woman didn’t like her. Why? She was the only female that Yamada brought around that he _wasn’t_ shagging! 

_Ahhhh._

Dana jumped, startled by the _very_ strange almost…yodel that echoed from Yamada’s room. With a sigh she wandered to his bedroom and knocked. No answer. _We come from the land of the ice and snow, from the midnight sand where the hot wind blows._

Oh, his ‘Zeppelin’. Figuring he couldn’t hear her over the record, she opened the door as instructed by his mom. 

“Woah there, princess, you mighta’ seen something you’ve never seen before.” 

“ _Shut up_.” 

Yagami Yamada, the King of Whores, was indeed half-naked with just a pair of jeans. He was wandering around his room, his hair wet. Dana glared and blushed as she slyly glanced at his chest. It didn’t make _sense_ , he didn’t _do_ anything for those sorts of muscles from what she could tell. And that tattoo, it was…ridiculous. Or very… 

He raised a brow at her as she rolled her eyes to avoid getting caught. _Fine_ , he was super attractive. But a whore was a whore. “Your mom told me I can come in here.” 

“Yea, she wants us to f—k.” 

“… _What_?” 

Dana was completely _flabbergasted_ while Yamada seemed disturbingly nonplussed. Apparently his meandering around the room was to locate a shirt. “You don’t make sense to her in my history. If a girl comes over here, especially a rich girl, they’re only here for one thing. You just coming over? That s—t bugs her, she doesn’t get it. At least if there’s sex, she’d understand.” 

“Um, what happened to friends?” Dana demanded, unable to help her sarcasm. 

Yamada snorted, “My mother doesn’t believe in ‘friendships’ between a man and a woman. Normally I don’t either but I guess there’s always exceptions.” 

He apparently decided on, surprise, a _white t-shirt_. “Yamada, for _kami’s sake_ , let’s get you _clothes_.” 

“No way. The fashion now is _ridiculous_ , like I’d ever wear a damn track suit or bright ass button up shirt.” 

“Why, Yagami-san, you sound rather distinguishing about fashion, of all things” Dana remarked dryly. 

Rolling his blue eyes this time, he muttered, “…I guess a _few_ shirts would be nice. And some new button down ones for my slow days at work. Let’s just do it fast though. It’ll be tough enough sneaking new reference books past ‘Suspicious of Everything’-san.” 

Nothing confused her more than Yamada’s mother. Today’s information just added to the insanity that she was trying to dig through. Apparently Yamada was _secretly_ studying for his college entrance exams because his mother would ‘disapprove’. What mother would disapprove of such a thing? 

Yamada explained it as she’d see the time he spent studying as a waste of time. Why, he could be out working _another job_ so they could live better or something. She’d seen Yamada study, he was…good at it. Not to mention a few days back he had shadowed Dr. Souma doing a procedure on a fracture and he couldn’t stop talking about it. He was genuinely _excited_ and it was--…okay, _yes_ , it was super adorable and she wanted him to have that in his life at the very least, not working jobs he couldn’t care less about just to get a paycheck. But that was the sort of life his mother wanted for him? 

She groused he was in _dire_ need of new shoes as well as they headed out the door and he sulked. “What the hell is my mom going to say with me showing up with all this new stuff?” 

“You paid your portion of the bills, right? Just say you got a bonus. Surely she _at least_ doesn’t want you in rags.” 

Yamada didn’t remark to that. No, Dana wasn’t sure what Yagami-san wanted. Apparently she wanted her son to struggle through two jobs and not have any sort of relationship that wasn’t shallow. Why…? 

Gleeful when they entered the mall on the outskirts of Subami, she rushed into Comme des Garçons. Her mother found the style ‘crude’ and ‘distasteful’. She loved different. 

After a few minutes she assumed Yamada had wandered off in disinterest but once she came out of her excitement she found him just walking around behind her. He was paying the designs very absent attention. Wait, she was supposed to be helping _him_ get clothes and sneak it in without raising suspicions. “S-Sorry. I-I just like looking at designers.” 

“No, no, it’s…different” he remarked, staring…hard at a display with one particular romper where the model had it needlessly open with not a sign of an undergarment. 

“Whore” she huffed, grabbing his arm and dragging him from the store. 

Yamada snickered, “Hey, I support all your fashion endeavors. If you wanna go around, boobs free, I’m all for it.” 

“ _Whore_. That is not _porn_ , it’s _fashion_.” 

She glared as he seemed thoughtful for a moment. “If you buy any _remnant_ of porn while I’m with you, I will kill you.” 

“Fine, _killjoy_.” 

Groaning, she found herself going into at least a few other places before they entered a department store. Here Yamada seemed more comfortable or less like a child following their mother because they had to. Naturally he got _white_ shirts but a few black, a few gray, a few blue. He did the same with the button up shirts but to her surprise he threw in a red. She’d never seen him wear red so, hey, he could be daring. 

“Mm, Converses are probably going to be my sneaker of choice here…” he mused before looking annoyed, “Ugh, I hate buying shoes though. It’s hard to find a size 30.” 

“I— _what_?” 

_30?_ 30 _centimeters?_ “T-That’s— _huge.”_

“I get that reaction a lot.” 

“ _Whore_.” 

His foot was like seven and a half centimeters longer than hers. Trying to test her theory, he swatted at her. “Oi, oi, stoppit. I get enough s—t about my feet. That’s why I don’t have a lot of shoes.” 

Dana gave him a look of disbelief and he snickered. “Okay, that’s not true _at all_ but it is a pain in the ass. Usually I have to go to f—king Shibuya for shoes.” 

Well, luckily today the shop gods smiled upon him. He found his Converses in the right size and a pair of work shoes. She wished she could shop for things… 

…No, she could only make them in secret. “Yamada, can I make you a suit?” 

“What? Why? When will I ever need a suit?” 

“I dunno!” she pouted, “Just I’ve never made one before and I want to make one. Please?” 

Yamada shot her a look before grumbling, “Whatever. As long as it’s not a stupid color.” 

Smiling happily, she took him by the fabric shop. She’d started bringing him so often he’d actually walk in with her now. Going over to the stiffer cloths, she pressed a tone of black to his hand. Well, it wasn’t like black looked bad on anyone… 

Getting the remaining portion of that roll, she went and picked out buttons and the lining. “Dana, this is getting crazy expensive.” 

Yamada seemed incredulous by the costs of making things but she knew. And it was worth it. “Most hobbies are.” 

“Yeesh.” 

Finally done, their last stop of the day was at the library. Yamada took the books he’d completed out of a paper bag and returned them, going to the reference aisle for his next set. Dana checked out a book for ‘making suits’. 

She tugged his sleeve when they left, walking down the steps of the large building, “Yamada, I need to measure you.” 

“What? Can’t just eyeball me?” 

“I’m not _that_ good. Remember the leather coat sleeves were wrong?” 

Yamada scoffed, “You mean just barely and to a point only you’d notice?” 

“Two centimeters is _a lot_ , you” she scowled. 

He waved a hand before sighing, “Fine. Let’s stop for Chinese first.” 

…Chinese? “Souma actually introduced me to it. He told me it’s not actually _Chinese_ but was inspired by Chinese food. I think you’ll like it.” 

Ugh, he was always trying to feed her now. After their burger she decided not to eat a lot for the next three meals and by the time she was hanging out with him she had a very minor fainting spell. He actually _yelled_ at her about it too! She…she had to though, she didn’t want to be judged. 

He ordered ‘mapo-dofu’ and bought them two Ramune in commemoration of the ‘Summer’s end’ as he put it. She’d never had Ramune. 

After hiding all of his new things, Yamada made their plates. She was _attempting_ to avoid it but naturally he was pretty adamant. Bleh. Biting a bit of tofu just to satisfy him… 

“Oh my God, that’s so delicious” she groaned. 

“Right?” 

Dana felt…guilt? Well, maybe not as much as she ought to but she eyed her serving before looking to him woefully. “It’s…tofu. Tofu’s not bad for you, right?” 

Yamada snorted. Yea, it was _tofu_ , idiot. Sure, there was some pork too but…God, she was hungry! 

Rubbing her belly contently after they finished eating, she clapped, “Now let me measure you.” 

“Ugh, I’m ready for a nap though” Yamada droned. 

She got out a tape measure and had him stand. Just as she expected, he was a giant. His legs were basically 87 centimeters, his arms were 44. Jeez, she may need more material. 

“Your birthday’s in a week, right?” 

Dana looked up at him as she measured his torso. He wasn’t looking anywhere in particular, most certainly not her. Writing down his torso size, she nodded slowly. “Next Saturday.” 

“Mm.” 

After that he didn’t say much more but walked her back to her neighborhood as usual. Waving to him as he started the trek back, she wondered…was that like a date? Shopping, eating together, doing random things? If they were anything more than Super Whore and his kid sidekick, would…would that be what it was like? 

…Oh well. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_“You have such lovely daughters, Kobayashi-san. Gems, really.”_

_She was starving._

_Dana was dazed on her feet as she stood in the party, her hair pulled back into a strict bun. She was wearing a furisode in a rather dulled green and blue. Young women were supposed to wear vibrant colors but mother felt that was unbecoming, especially for someone that was engaged. Right._

_Kobayashi Kimi smiled falsely, glancing at Dana and her older sisters, Junko and Noriko. She was the one with the odd name. Someone told her mother to not have one western named child was a faux pas and the woman listened. Figured. “Yes, we were met with great fortune with these three.”_

_Yes, that’s it: fortune. “It’s too bad young Kobayashi-san’s fiancé couldn’t make it. Kamaishi Domo’s a well sought after suitor. It’s quite the catch.”_

_“Oh, very much so. But business ventures are much more productive and important than silly matters like birthdays so I can’t blame him much” her mother assured._

_Yes, she had the rest of her life to look forward to being a trifle behind business affairs. Dana could only swallow when one of the middle-aged men scoffed that there was no reason for her to continue school much longer, she ought to be learning to be a wife. Her mother agreed. Of course._

_…She got up last night after everyone had gone to bed to finish the pants for Yamada’s suit and she’d been having the time of her life. Hearing this path now set before her though, she realized even more she had to take those moments whenever they came. She…had a year left._

_“Kobayashi-san?”_

_Dana looked up when one of their servants approached her. “One of your young lady friends that was unable to attend is on the telephone, miss, and she would like to congratulate you.”_

_Eh? Who? Harumi? Dana felt confused before looking to her mother. “If-If I may be excused, ma’am.”_

_“Please.”_

_Walking ‘properly’ to the sitting room with the telephone, she finally sat down weakly. While Harumi still deigned to talk to her, the girl was on her island for the last few weeks of summer. Who was this? “Hello?”_

_“Oi, kid.”_

_Eh?! “Y-Yamada?” she whispered, swiftly looking around. Was he insane?! “I-I thought it was a girl!”_

_“Oh yea, got one of my friend’s sisters to call instead to avoid suspicion. When is your party over?”_

_“E-Eh? W-Well, um, it won’t be over until eleven or so.” Oh, it was only nine._

_“Can you meet at the gate in an hour?”_

_MEET? Gaping, startled by this crazy suggestion, she rasped, “I-I can.”_

_“Good. See you in a little while.”_

_He clicked off without more and she felt her heart race. Was he insane? What if someone saw him and demanded why she was talking to him then forbid her from seeing him ever again?! What if her brother came looking for her?! God, she should have said ‘no’ and she’d see him tomorrow!_

_Returning to the party, she listened to idle talk about mergers and deals and business accounts. Her stomach cringed with hunger. Right._

_This wasn’t her birthday party._

_Dana kept looking back and forth at the giant clock in the foyer. 9:15. 9:24. 9:36._

_At 9:51, she stood and excused herself, saying she was going to go out and get some fresh air. Her mother hardly heard her and her father hadn’t said a word to her all evening. Her sisters were speaking coldly with their fiancés and it looked like her brother was picking up a young socialite for the night. No one cared._

_Walking up the street, weary, she kept looking over her shoulder regardless. Even if they didn’t care, they’d care enough if she were doing something they thought she had no business doing. No one though._

_She walked out of the gate, seeing the glimmer of Yamada’s motorcycle through the bars. He was leaning against the leather seat, idly tapping the corner. When he looked up, his piercing blue eyes closed some. “…Hey.”_

_“H-Hey. I-I can’t be out too long” she whispered._

_“I know” he assured, leaning down to the storage he had on the side, “And your real birthday’s not until Wednesday, right? I was gonna wait until then but I figured you were probably having a sucky time at it anyway and needed a pick me up. Wearing a damn kimono for your birthday.”_

_Leering, she crossed her arms and pouted, “I thought I look pretty good!”_

_“Well, sure. But I doubt this is anything you’d wear if you had the choice.”_

_…No. Dana glared, pretty miserable now especially, as he lit up a cigarette. Did he come all this way to bring her down? “You--”_

_She squeaked when he held out a little gift wrapped in blue paper. “Hope you like this. I dunno s—t about that stuff.”_

_…Oh NO. He didn’t actually…? Biting her lip, she unwrapped it and indeed found a jewelry box. “Yama--”_

_“Shut up and open it.”_

_Oh… fretting, she opened the lid and gasped softly. It was a turquoise bracelet with the prettiest burnt silver engravings. The way she’d seen some turquoise jewelry, the blue rock was usually huge and clunky but these were the perfect size. Oh, but…_

_…He got it for her. Looking to him shyly, she rasped, “May…may I accept this?”_

_“I’d be pretty pissed if you didn’t” Yamada remarked dryly, exhaling. “…You like it?”_

_“I-I love it.”_

_“Good.”_

_Her eyes widened when he suddenly held out a small…cake. A…‘cupcake’ with a candle, using the same lighter to light it. “Happy Birthday, Dana. It’s a stupid superstition but they say if you make a wish when you blow out a candle it’ll come true if you don’t voice it aloud.”_

_Eh…? Why? Taking the cupcake into her hands, she stared at the small flame flickering in the light breeze. First. “I know I’ve already missed it but when is your birthday?”_

_“Oi.”_

_“Just tell me” she scowled._

_Rolling his eyes around, he grumbled, “November 25 th. Don’t get me s—t.”_

_He was ridiculous. She’d find out what he liked too and get him something fun! But…what did she wish for? It sounded preposterous and like something she wouldn’t pay any attention to but…_

_Looking up at him from the cupcake as he blinked at her slowly, she swallowed. Her fashion endeavors. Freedom. The ability to express herself. All those things came to mind if she wanted to wish for something. The…strangest thing was she wanted him too._

_…It…was a stupid superstition so what would it hurt?_

_None of it could come true for the likes of her anyway._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

God, what was wrong with her? 

Kobayashi Dana came back to the party on top of the world. She’d hidden his gift outside of her door after eating the cupcake which was _delicious_. To hell with expectations, she was _hungry_. 

When she went to bed that night, hiding her new bracelet with her fashion projects, her mind was wandering all over the place. Weird places like ‘what’s Yamada doing?’, ‘is Yamada asleep?’, ‘is he off shagging a girl or doing something bad?’, ‘what’s Yamada’s favorite color?’. _Weird places_. 

Getting up the next day, she flipped her calendar to November and wrote ‘YY’s Birthday’ in English and even put a little heart. Once she’d done it, she stared at the little symbol in confusion. What? 

She left the house as she usually did, her parents already gone about their business in spite of being up later than usual last night. Stopping by the store, she noticed the bentos. Maybe Yamada would like a bento on Monday. He usually worked through his lunches even though Dr. Souma didn’t like him to. But, he didn’t like store bought bentos so maybe she could make him one. 

…What? Dana glared, shaking her head rapidly and starting to march out before stopping by a magazine rack. Her eyes grazed over it, normally a task she’d do to check out the latest fashion styles. Alas, this time it was trapped to some shoujo magazine. ‘Do your signs match?’. Signs? Wasn’t it blood types? 

…She picked up the magazine and flipped through. What sign was she? …A Virgo? So…what was Yamada? Sagittarius…oh? A great match? 

Squealing, she replaced it on the shelf and rushed out. What was _wrong_ with her? Yamada. Yamada was not only the _Master_ of Whores, he had tons of qualities she didn’t admire! He _smoked_ , he slept around far too liberally, he drank, and he admitted just the other day he was ‘rolling up’ with his friends the night before work — he was a _bad boy_. A bad boy with a God-awful tattoo! 

…On a rather…nice body which he probably got through his work ethic. Maybe he said it was about money but anyone could fake it and get a paycheck at the end of the day. No, he genuinely put his whole self forward in what he did and… 

… _What was wrong with her_? 

Maybe today _wasn’t_ the day she ought to go follow him around. Clearly her head wasn’t on right or something. She decided to just go home and work on the suit. That’d get everything cleared up. 

However, as she got closer to the Kobayashi Estate, she felt something was even more wrong there. There were tons of limousines and security swarming outside. When one of them saw her, they stopped and _searched_ her as if she weren’t entering her own house. Choking on the lump in her throat, Dana knew what was happening immediately. Filled with dread, she was given clearance to enter and found her fiancé, Kamaishi Domo, sitting at their table. 

Her heart instantly started to race when the man’s family looked up at her. The Kamaishi family were suggested to be on the skirts of the law at times and they certainly looked like it. Domo wasn’t…bad looking at twenty years old, straight black hair and dark gray eyes. He looked up and smiled. He had the most twisted of smiles. 

“I wasn’t aware your daughter went out and roamed” Madam Kamaishi remarked briskly. 

‘Roam’. Her mother sniffed, “I wasn’t aware myself, Kamaishi-dono.” 

What?! Dana felt absolutely _betrayed_ but in an utter surprise, her father raised a hand, “Our daughter is allowed to go to the library and make little stops along the way. I see no reason she would be trapped here when she will be expected to deal with the world as a Kamaishi wife.” 

While Dana was…touched he’d at least stand up for her, it didn’t sound like something the Kamaishi family would accept. However, the patriarch of the family nodded shortly. “Indeed, I find women that were entirely locked inside their whole lives to knit docile and meek. Pathetic beings, really.” 

…Bleh. Her mother and Domo’s mother fell completely silent. Of course, that’s how _they_ were raised and they didn’t seem docile, meek, or pathetic. Sexism on both sides though. Domo drolly remarked, glancing at his nails. “A caged bird isn’t going to mind being caged more, however.” 

Dana bit her lip, taking a seat beside him. Right. Her father frowned, “I suppose that has merit. Perhaps we ought to keep her inside?” 

“Oh no” Domo said airily, “Let her be free.” 

…Because a free bird was going to be much more fun to cage. Her parents didn’t question it but she knew. She realized the type of man she was going to have to marry and it made her sick. His father replied, “I apologize for us being unable to attend the ceremony yesterday. There were pressing affairs. However, that isn’t why we’re here today. We’ve heard…suggestions about our soon to be daughter.” 

God, help her. Her mother shot her a look, “Such as?” 

“Well, I play golf with Iseki Yuu and he told me your daughter is associating with some half-breed boy.” 

… “Oh, goodness! I’m sure that rumor came from his dreadful daughter!” her mother declared in dismay, “Why, last month she called us from the beach to tell us that Dana had come without permission, something she herself was guilty of. But then, not two hours later did Dana come back with not a speck of sand or salt on her and from the library! I called and told Hachiko’s mother of this deception and I’m sure they’re just bitter about _that_.” 

The man seemed thoughtful enough. “It is most certainly true that Iseki does turn a blind eye to his daughter’s behavior. I heard she’s slept with many a young man, not to mention a gaijin.” 

“Shame, bad enough to be promiscuous but to lower one’s self to sleep with a half-breed. It’s unthinkable. Perhaps even a crime.” 

… “The crime, I’d say, is that any true Japanese man or woman would allow such a thing to happen. Why, anyone with such muddled blood is a stain on a respectable society!” her mother spat. 

Her father sipped a cup of tea, shaking his head after he drank. “To have such a confused cultural background, I’d almost pity them if their mere existence weren’t a pity itself.” 

…How…how dare they? The conversation went on for a solid six minutes about ‘poor work ethic’ and a ‘liberal lifestyle that begat disorder’. ‘A drain on our economy’, ‘cruel twisted monsters’, and a ‘sickening lack of identity’. How…how dare they? Those things described the people at this table more than it described Yamada! They spoke about him like he wasn’t even _human_! 

Say something, Dana. Have a spine for once in your life, say ‘it wasn’t true’. Yes, they’d lock you up and say you knew too much but at least you’d have your dignity. Don’t…don’t let them speak this way about him. 

When she tried to speak, her words got caught on her tongue. Shaking, she stared at all the faces in the room and felt the consequences. She choked. 

Domo, silently drinking tea, finally remarked: “Well now, if someone wants to experience a _hafu,_ I say let them. There’s only a lesson to be learned, right?” 

…Bastard. 

When they finally left, she asked to be excused to her room. Her mother agreed but told her with a side eye to be careful with her actions and most definitely the garbage she kept. Dana felt ill. 

She went into her room, sliding the door shut behind her…and cried. What a pathetic friend you are, allowing them to speak that way about him! And because you were _afraid_. Yamada had heard those things his whole life and he didn’t even bother to speak up for himself anymore but that didn’t make it right! 

She could have said _anything_ but she didn’t…she knew he worked harder than anyone for his mother who had been shunned by people like her parents and fiance’s parents. Yes, he may have had a liberal lifestyle when it came to women and drinking but he still got up every day and completed his responsibilities! He got her the prettiest jewelry she’d ever own for her birthday when he didn’t have to and asked for nothing in return! How could they say those things about him when they didn’t know?! They could be speaking about anyone when they said those things, multiracial or _not,_ but no, no, those like Yamada specifically were the ‘scourge’ of society! And…and she didn’t say a thing. 

What was wrong with her? 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

“150 over 90 is a little high, Tanaka-san.” 

Yagami Yamada was a little reluctant to diagnose people but Souma insisted he be assertive or people would always question him. They were already questioning him, the blond, blue-eyed Japanese-named guy. The older generation _hated_ him and the middle-aged ones were wary as hell. However, Dr. Souma rebuked at least a good two dozen of them into relenting to his at least checking their vitals. While Yamada figured they’d hate him forever, eleven out of twelve recanted and said he was a very gentle and calming person. The one other guy would probably die before he thought anything good about him. 

Mrs. Tanaka looked worried, “I-It’s been like that the last few times, hasn’t it?” 

Yamada smiled, “Yes, but I’m sure Dr. Souma will be able to come up with the right treatment for you so don’t be concerned. One way or another we’ll try to fix this.” 

“A-Alright, thank you.” 

Writing down her stats and circling her almost hypertensive levels, Yamada slipped the clipboard into the slot on the door and exited. Two more and then he needed to go cut the grass. 

He paused and looked around slowly. Peeking out into the lobby, he frowned before glancing out each window he passed going to the next patient. 

…This was weird. 

Kumon-san had a back ache. Normal blood pressure. No fever. Had gained two kilograms. No recent injury. Ganburo-san was coming back for a follow up after having her appendix removed, which had been hella fascinating to watch. She was feeling well. Normal blood pressure. Very slight fever. Lost three kilograms. No recent injuries. 

Going outside, he took off his nice shirt and pulled the mower out of the shed. It took about forty minutes and he looked over his shoulder about the whole time. What the hell? 

Washing up fast, he put his shirt back on and greeted his last patient for the evening, Kyoko-san. She was eighty and brought him cookies, telling him often he reminded her of her grandson. She was a spunky lady, she was always good. 

Yamada tossed a cookie into his mouth as he stared out of the window toward the main path. What even was this? 

“I haven’t seen Miss Kobayashi lately.” 

He jumped, startled, when Dr. Souma Bryant appeared behind him, having just finished his check up with Kyoko-san. The man was scribbling something or the other. “Uh, I…I haven’t noticed?” 

Souma gave him a look. “Baloney, Yagami. You’ve been looking for her for the last week.” 

_Fine_ . He hadn’t seen her since he gave her that bracelet on her birthday. Sunday he didn’t think much of it since she’d have to come to Wasaba to find him and that wasn’t an easy task. He could have been sleeping off a bender or even doing laundry at the mat for all she knew. 

Monday through Friday today though? She knew exactly where to find him, usually _always_ came to find him, and would have done so _a lot_. Seriously, was she unhappy with the present or something he did? Did he get her in trouble or something? No one saw them, not unless they had some magical binoculars or something. What was the deal? More so, why did he care? He didn’t need his sidekick hanging around every damn day every week. 

…Maybe. 

“So are you two an item?” 

“Dr. Souma, please” Yamada groaned, rolling his eyes around. 

“What?” Souma sulked, “She’s always around you and it seems obvious to me you’d both be a little interested.” 

What was ‘obvious’?! She was a kid! “Anyway--” 

“Don’t you change the subject” Souma countered dryly, “You call her a kid all you want, Yamada, but Dana is good for you. And regardless of what you may deny, she matters to you else you wouldn’t be trying to find her.” 

Whatever! It was just weird, not because he missed her or anything! Jeez, people always made things more than they were. Souma smiled, probably because he looked disgruntled. “Or, Yamada, it’s okay to worry about your friends.” 

…Right. Fine. 

…Whatever the case, he wandered over to her neighborhood after he got off work. He hadn’t called or anything and he’d make her life crazy difficult if he just knocked on the front door and asked if she was around. Some friendship, her family couldn’t even know he existed. 

But…whose fault was that exactly? 

Yamada looked up and something felt like it missed in his chest. Dana was wandering down the road toward him carrying her books. Ah, maybe…she was going to come? But…she knew he’d have gotten off from work now. Shaking his head, he whispered loudly. “Oi, Dana!” 

Her brown eyes widened as she looked up. She looked quite panicked. “Y-Yamada?” 

Wait…did…did the bracelet thing seem weird? Was it strange to give jewelry to girls you weren’t shacking up with? He rubbed his neck, honestly feeling a bit panicked. “Uh, hey, just…haven’t seen you in a while.” 

“O-Oh, well, I’ve-I’ve been busy.” 

“O-Oh.” 

Silence fell for an uncomfortable moment and he squirmed. “I-Is everything okay? I-I guess I-I may have been a little off giving you that bracelet?” 

Dana gasped, looking at him frantically and shaking her head, “No, no! I-I love my bracelet!” 

He was confused. Taking her hand, he slipped into the forested area surrounding the neighborhood and stopped when they were deep enough in that someone would have to be looking for them to find them. “Okay, give it up: what’s your problem?” 

“No-Nothing!” 

Raising a brow at her, he found she was quivering. What even? “Dana…?” 

Her eyes filled with tears and he thought he was panicked before. “O-Oi, Dana??” 

“S-Sunday, m-my fiancé-e’s family, th-they came b-because Hachiko’s father said I-I was hanging out with you.” 

Okay, yes, now was the time to kill Hachiko. Seriously, what was wrong with her? About to ask if she’d been locked away, Dana choked, “B-But because of the beach incident, my mother recanted what Iseki-san said. T-Then they started talking about mixed race people and saying all these bad things l-like how they’re muddled blood and-and--” 

She started detailing everything they said and he was still puzzled why she was upset. Literally everything they said were things he’d never _not_ heard from outsiders. As he said, Dr. Souma had to convince people to give him a chance to _take their temperature._ Being half-American didn’t mean he couldn’t read numbers, thanks. Yamada waited patiently for the reason she was upset and crying. She stammered, “A-And I didn’t say anything so-so that’s why I haven’t come to see you.” 

… Yamada waited for more but she was sniveling, staring up at him with bright red eyes. He actually glanced around to see if there was someone else coming to _finish_ this story. 

What?? “Dana, are you serious?” he demanded incredulously, “I am not going to be upset with you for not revealing yourself and getting yourself locked away because you associate with me. I don’t need you to protect my ‘hafu’ life, I’m used to it.” 

“But that doesn’t make it _right_!!” 

Groaning loudly, he clumsily pulled her to his chest and hugged her shoulder. Jeez. “Dana, I appreciate that you’re concerned about what they say about me and people like me but that’s all they are: words. You know me, you know those things aren’t true, and that’s all that matters. People like that, that decide who I am based on ridiculous misconceptions, those people don’t matter to me. I don’t have anything to prove to them.” 

“But as the person that _knows_ those things aren’t true…” she wept. 

“As the person that knows those things aren’t true from your perspective, it’s up to you what you do with that information. Honestly, if you could share your opinion and not be locked away like a princess in a tower then whatever. But that doesn’t sound like your life so I’d much rather you keep bugging me now and then than defend things to people that don’t matter at all to me so I don’t see you ever again.” 

She fell silent and he had to wonder if he’d made any sense. When his own mother wouldn’t speak up for him with not one risk of consequence, he didn’t really see any reason for his kid sidekick to get her life snatched away doing so. He yelped when she hugged him hard around the waist. What--? 

“I-I’ve wanted to see and show you the bracelet but I’ve-I’ve been so ashamed.” 

“Jeez. C’mon, let’s go get a milkshake or something to make you feel better.” And him, he thought he’d done something stupid. 

“O-Okay.” 

What a weird girl. Awkward and anxious for some reason, he mumbled, “S-So my friend Shin and I, we…were planning to go to beach the last day of vacation and, um, since that one with Hachiko was a bust, I was thinking you might wanna go.” 

“I’d…I’d like to go but how can I tell my parents I’m going away for a whole day?” she murmured. 

“Oh, uh, right…um, it’s…it’ll be next Saturday so if you find a way, just lemme know then.” 

…Something…felt a little off. But not with her. What was his problem? 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

Maybe that was the miracle that began the mayhem.   
  
Kobayashi Dana had almost entirely dismissed the possibility of going with Yamada to the beach. It was impossible. Alas, her parents informed them at a family dinner that they would be leaving for the rest of the week until the following Wednesday.   
  
But that didn’t mean she was allowed to her own devices, the servants and maids would still be around. However, she’d…like to go to the beach with Yamada. So, in a game of fifty-fifty, she called Harumi who she knew probably still had ties to Hachiko and asked if she could possibly say she was with her for the day. In a double play at deception, to cover herself, Dana told her she wanted to go see a Noh play and that her parents may disagree with the subject matter. ‘You’re so boring, Dana. Sure, I’ll cover for you going to the theater. Sheesh.’   
  
Dana felt she should almost be offended that Harumi didn’t suspect anything else or that her reasoning wasn’t too strange but whatever. She rushed off to the Bryant Clinic and told Yamada she could come. True to the blond, he didn’t remark much. ‘Good’.   
  
Hiding everything that may be incriminating beneath her floor, Dana packed her bathing suit, towels, sunscreen, and the coverall dress she’d made. With a smile she also packed the bracelet. The beach was a weird place to wear a bracelet but she’d have scarce opportunity to wear it at all so why not?   
  
“Miss Kobayashi?”   
  
She jumped a bit, one of their servants outside her door. “You have a phone call from one of your friends, miss.”   
  
Heart jolting, Dana knew it was Yamada since he told her today he’d call her with the exact coordinates for tomorrow. “Y-Yes, thank you!”   
  
Going to the same room, she sat down and bit her lip, “H-Hello?”   
  
“Hey. I’ll make it quick. Meet at where we saw Mariko when I first brought you to Wasaba at eight. Cool?”   
  
“A-Alright. S-Should I bring anything?”   
  
“Nah, we’re pretty good.”   
  
Nodding as if he could see, she murmured, “Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow.”   
  
“Cool. G’night.”   
  
“Good night.”   
  
Lately he seemed a little stiffer around her. He usually treated her rather casually, something she’d not been used to at first but now that that was what she was used to it felt weird for him to be so formal. Perhaps she’d made him uncomfortable with the whole avoiding him for not being able to defend him. He wasn’t used to that sort of thing…all the same, she was excited but trying not to be. Anything could still go wrong. 

She left around 7:30 the next day, telling the servants she’d be meeting Harumi by the station. They offered to drive her so she accepted on the premise of it’d get her closer to Wasaba and seem less questionable. 

After she was a hundred percent sure they’d left, she slipped into a bathroom and quickly changed into the dress, having already worn the bathing suit under her clothes. Sneaking out with a wrap over her head and sunglasses, Dana broke into a quick sprint toward Wasaba. So far so good. 

“Oi, princess, we’re not going on our yacht.” 

Dana glowered as she got closer to where Yamada was standing…along with a lot of people. Right, it…it wasn’t just them. “I had to not be noticeable.” 

“You’re super noticeable” he reported dryly. Suddenly he waved a hand, “Ay, ay, listen. This is Dana, my guest. Just because she’s a rich kid doesn’t mean you bum cash off her either, ya’ trash.” 

What! A couple of the guys laughed, one saying only a disgrace would bum off a kid anyway. Really? The girls there eyed her suspiciously and while Dana expected that one Yamada mentioned more than the rest, Mariko, would be snarky, she…was all over some other guy. Dana patted Yamada’s shoulder so he could lean over and whisper to him. “I thought you slept with her but it looks like that guy’s her boyfriend.” 

“Ha, Soseki? That guy’s her squeeze of choice when he’s around. He’s one of the only guys that made it out of Wasaba into college. Journalism or something weird.” 

Wow. Mariko looked happy though so…it must have been more than a simple ‘squeeze of choice’ sort of relationship. She seemed genuinely content in his presence. Dana looked to Yamada who was elbowing someone, laughing. Maybe…maybe. 

She yelped when loud honking came. Looking around for the cause, horrified it might be someone from her home, Dana was more shocked to find one of those strange hippy vans she’d see in American videos appear. Everyone in the crowd cheered as a fellow around Yamada’s age parked and jumped off. “It’s a beauty, isn’t it!? Was cheap to rent too!” 

Yamada’s brows furrowed. “Shin, I could have _sworn_ we agreed on something…I dunno, _bigger_?” 

“This is as big as we can get!” Shin protested. 

“ _Fine_ , but since I paid for half I’m getting a seat to myself. The rest of you losers find a way.” 

This didn’t seem like a problem for anyone else as they excitably climbed on. Dana followed meekly at the end and by the time she even got inside she saw exactly what Yamada was talking about. Everyone was already about three to a seat. Oops… 

“Oi, oi, come on, kid.” 

She squeaked as Yamada pulled her down on the first seat with him. Eh? She thought he wanted a seat to himself? “Obviously I wasn’t going to ask you to sit with a total stranger.” 

O-Oh. Yamada rearranged them so she could have the window seat. ‘Shin’ climbed into the driver’s seat and played with the radio. Satisfied with something he found, he shifted the gear and headed up the road. This…could still be a disaster. Trying to avoid eye contact with most people on the main road in fear it’d be one of her siblings, Dana crouched low in the seat. Just…don’t notice her. 

Yamada had turned his body to face his legs outward in the seat toward the aisle so she thought he was talking to ‘Shin’. Instead, maybe about ten minutes in, she heard his slightly audible breaths. He was _asleep_. She leered at his back. “You cannot be asleep, Yamada.” 

No response. Shin suddenly laughed. “Yamada’s a tired guy.” 

“I-I could understand _before_ but his work’s at least a little stabilized now.” 

Shin snickered as Dana had to catch Yamada from falling face forward. “Oh, he’s got legit work hours now but that just gives him a legit schedule to fit his shenanigans into.” 

“You talking s—t about me, punk?” Yamada grumbled, having been jarred awake. 

“About how you get off work and go party until two? Hell yea!” 

Dana gaped, “ _How_ do you get up five hours later and go to work?” 

Yamada snorted and turned back into the seat. “I don’t party _every_ night and five hours? S—t, I used to get two, three tops. Five hours is miraculous.” 

She glared as he nodded off not three minutes after that remark. “Apparently not miraculous enough.” 

Shin laughed again, “Yamada’s always been like that though. He goes a mile a second when he’s awake then the second he finally sits down he’s busted.” 

A workaholic indeed. After a minute, Shin said rather casually, “So, Yamada talks about you a lot.” 

Eh? “He…does? Doesn’t sound like Yamada.” 

Shin chuckled, “Oh, true, there’s a difference between the average person’s ‘talk about you a lot’ and Yamada’s but let’s just say he talks about you the most. If I didn’t know him any better I’d say he has a thing for you.” 

Dana almost scoffed. “I’m a ‘kid’ to Yamada. That aside, from what I can tell, he prefers _tall_ women.” 

All the girls here were a little taller than the average Japanese girl and each of them seeming quite familiar with the jerk. Shin grinned lazily, “Well, we all have our preferences but that doesn’t mean we stick to them if the right one comes along.” 

‘The right one’? “…I don’t think I could be that even if he wanted me to” she murmured. 

“‘He’?” 

Alarmed, she quickly stammered, “I-I mean, I-I--” 

She was frantic that Yamada heard but watching his mouth fall open as he slept she was pretty sure a hippo shoving the bus over wouldn’t raise him. 

"I'll admit, your stations in life are different. Yamada's from the poor as dirt side of town and, well, you're from Subami."   
  
Dana could hear the slight derision in his voice, like her wealth was cause for disdain. In a lot of ways it was. However, she shrugged awkwardly, "I actually rather like the neighborhood Yamada's in. Everyone is very interesting, unlike mine."   
  
Shin didn't remark. Perhaps because 'interesting' made it sound like she was observing some sort of separate species. No, she liked the little shops before Yamada's apartment where they played music and stood outside, chatting amongst themselves. It was...friendly.   
  
Yamada's eyes opened about an hour into the trip and he gazed around absently. Someone behind him joked that they were on their way back from the beach and he missed out. "Don't make a s--t bit of difference to me. That nap was perfect."   
  
Some of the girls also teased Yamada for his 'sleeping habit'. He just snorted before someone passed him a...cigarette? Dana's eyes narrowed quizzically as Yamada inhaled it in hard without exhaling. Was he trying to die? And why'd it smell weirder than usual?   
  
...Wait a minute. "Is that _weed_?"   
  
Yamada took another puff, nodding absently. Dana glared daggers at him, "Not only are you a lush cigarette sex whore, you smoke weed _in public_."   
  
With a smirk, he passed it behind him. "You're being a nag, kid."   
  
Ugh. Having some regrets coming now, Yamada stretched his arm behind her over the seat and yawned. "Hey, Shin will tell you I smoke the least out of my friends."   
  
"Considering the back of the bus looks like it's on fire, I'm not certain that means as much as you think."   
  
Shin laughed, amused, "Yea, don't believe his bulls--t. Yamada's a pothead like the rest of us."   
  
Yamada made a face, grumbling that he didn't want to be known as a pothead. Whatever. She'd learned about the side effects of marijuana and waited for Yamada to start 'tripping' or whatever the word was. Alas, by the time they were parking he was still acting and speaking like Yamada. His friends were another story, starting to bellow about hunger and laughing about pretty much nothing. Yamada just kind of rolled his eyes at them...   
  
Pushing the break to finally bring the bus to a stop in the parking lot, Shin winked, "It doesn't work for Yamada unless it's laced, if that's what you're wondering."   
  
Dana's eyes widened. Yamada leered, standing, "Don't give the kid needless extra information, dickwad."   
  
"Hey, she's probably wondering why everyone else is all loosened up while you have a stick up your ass."   
  
Laced. So he did do harder drugs. Annoyed with that 'needless extra information', Dana almost wanted to declare she was taking a train home. She could kiss her life goodbye if they got busted with drugs. However, Yamada grunted, "'Ey, everyone hide your s--t good. No one's got time to be caught."   
  
Oh, naturally there was a procedure. While everyone 'secured' their stash, Yamada and Shin climbed off the bus to have a cigarette. She awkwardly followed after grabbing her bag and Yamada sighed, inhaling, “Already a hundred times better than the other trip and we just got here.” 

Shin snorted, “I could have told you that.” 

Dana slowly started to remember that before Hachiko ratted on her to her parents that she was enjoying swimming. Feeling her mood brighten immensely, she grabbed Yamada’s arm. “C’mon! Let’s go to the water!” 

“Oi.” 

He let her drag him despite his disgruntlement, Shin following absently and the others starting to trickle out. While she expected them to stick together, a few of them wandered to the nearby restaurants and some went to the stores. Wouldn’t they get lost high? 

Whatever. She was here to enjoy ‘the moment’. Once they were standing in the sand and she’d set up her towel, she stripped off the dress and happily darted for the beach. 

…It took him for her to have these moments. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

“Oh, _now_ it’s starting to make sense.” 

Yagami Yamada glared daggers at Hamasaki Shin as the black haired fellow watched Dana sprint toward the water. She must’ve decided to make herself _another_ bikini, this one black and doing some sort of…wrap thing with two strings attaching behind her neck in the halter style. It made her boobs look miraculous. 

Shin whistled after exhaling smoke from his cigarette, “I mean, damn. I guess I’d hang out with her too.” 

“Shut your mouth” Yamada snarled, setting his cigarette down long enough to shed his shirt, “I had no idea Dana looked anything like that until our last attempt at coming to the beach.” 

Smiling almost wickedly, Shin crushed the end of his with his fingers. “So I guess if that doesn’t matter to you I can go check out her situation?” 

“If you want me to kill you.” 

“Oh ho, sounds like you’re getting possessive there, blondie” Shin snorted, holding up his hands, “I get you. She’s all yours.” 

Yamada gave him a look and grumbled, walking to where Dana was already wave surfing. It wasn’t… _like that_. Except in all honesty he didn’t know what it was like. It’d be one thing if Dana was like his friends where he just goofed off and did bull with. He did to a certain degree but it wasn’t the same, not by a long run. And then she wasn’t like the girls he just hooked up with seeing as that just wasn’t why he’d bothered maintaining this relationship with her. No, it…it was some level he wasn’t used to with her and it’d made him feel awkward lately. 

"Yamada! Will you teach me to surf now?"   
  
He snorted, stuffing is hands into his pockets. "What, you think because I'm blonde I know how to surf, kid?"   
  
Dana pouted though did mumble that she supposed she had. He snickered some and waved a hand. "C'mon, I can show you how to boogie board."   
  
"Boogie board?" she echoed, following him from the water.   
  
He nodded some and wandered toward a beachfront shop. Getting a cheap nondescript black one, Dana looked confused. "What can we do on that?"   
  
"You'll see."   
  
It was a distant memory in a far back time where his mother had, for whatever reason, deigned to go on a vacation when he was a small child. She brought their lunch and he actually had found the boogie board he'd used, discarded by some other child that probably wasn't worrying if they'd get to eat anything that night. Yamada had to take a clumsy few turns before he finally got the hang of it again, to Dana's glee. Yea, just a kid...who'd not even been given an opportunity to come to the beach before now.   
  
He stood shin deep in the water, watching her excitedly catch waves and ride them in. It was different. Until a couple months ago, this trip would have been nearly impossible, something he'd have had to dream about or really ride someone else's wealth. Coming into a tiny bit of money though gave him these small opportunities and he was ready to do things that he'd always been told weren't possible. In a little bit he'd break it to his mother his plan to go to college. She'd be vehement, demand why he'd waste the money or why he'd so selfishly do so when he could be paying to make their lives better?   
  
Dr. Souma let him do a simple repair the other day. He got to sew up someone's wound. The patient, a nervous waitress who had fallen at work, had actually giggled and said he had such neat nice stitches and his hands didn't shake at all. He guessed being a mechanic definitely didn't hurt. Except keeping a steady hand pouring oil into a tiny hole and closing together flesh were two different ends of the spectrum. Thing was? It was invigorating.   
  
Invigorating. Not once in the five years he'd worked did he think 'invigorating'. Or anything, really, except 'I'm doing this for the paycheck'. Never could he dream that a task could actually be personally satisfying when it came to a job. He could do that. He could...fix people. His mother would balk, tell him he'd be thirty by the time he could become a doctor. So? He'd wasted all this time not having a focus and he found one he genuinely enjoyed that, frankly, would make it so she wouldn't have to work another double shift again? She ought to be thrilled.   
  
Yamada was confused though because in his poorness he had so much more freedom than Dana.   
  
She'd been engaged since she was twelve years old apparently? Or they'd been trying to engage her that long. How do you choose your child's spouse? Furthermore, how do you choose them when they were just a child? Maybe back in the old royal days but now? For what purpose?   
  
When Dana came to sit at Souma's, she was constantly scribbling dresses and clothes designs and while he wasn't really keen on that stuff, it looked really good from what he could tell. And that was the thing that invigorated her: designing. Except one, she'd never work a day of her life, not even doing that as a hobby because it was 'lowly'. Two, she was forced to wear these bewilderingly drab articles of clothing and it just didn't make sense.   
  
How does someone from one of the wealthiest families in their country have less freedom than he did? They decided everything for her and unless she ran away and dogged it she had no choice. Wealth could mean freedom and most often did. Except, apparently, for the Kobayashi brand of wealth, it meant prison.   
  
He smiled as she giggled happily, riding in a gigantic wave. In all honesty, the prison of poorness made him so bitter. No one ever told him he couldn't do something except his mother who'd just hound him for 'wasting money', otherwise she wasn't going to disown him for it. But having cases like with the mechanic who fired him because the rich guy said so made him contemplate his lot in life and how he was dead last in the running. He was stuck in the prison of struggle. Or...so he thought. While it was mostly by grace and Dana's connections, he...he was finding the light for his path. It looked promising.   
  
She could still smile like that but...was there a light for her path? 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

It was a mystery. 

Yagami Koji looked out of the large window in his office, leaning his shoulder against the wall. It didn’t make sense. He didn’t like it, not one damn bit. 

He could not function the way Nelly and his family wanted him to. They wanted him to relax and not worry about this suggested Kamaishi threat. After what happened to his daughters? After having Kaede almost die at the hands of some crazed lunatic? After his daughter got raped at a party? After his son nearly got stabbed by a similar criminal and his son-in-law did? No, he could not ‘relax’ and let the nonsense work its way out. He needed answers now before it became an issue. 

And there were none. 

Some paranoid coworker once told him that the government could wipe away someone’s information if they so deemed it, that, if a group wanted to, you’d forget that one of their esteemed ever did anything wrong from lack of mention. He scoffed, especially in this information rich world. He could find out what day it was a hundred years ago in two seconds with a smartphone. A rich Japanese guy getting into trouble that landed him in jail this long? There were probably research papers about it. 

Not one damn thing. 

Koji went to a _library_ to see if he could even find old newspaper clippings. _Paper_. Nothing. Not one f—king thing on a mogul’s crime. Really not one f—king thing. It was uncanny! A celebrity couldn’t sneeze without someone dictating it in some fashion, how the hell does something like this even happen? 

It was genuinely nauseating. Not only could he not find one single smudge of evidence, he couldn’t even remember. His memory was as void as this bastard’s history. Why? Why did he not _remember_? 

“Kochi?” 

Glancing over his shoulder, he smiled some as Popuri slipped behind him and hugged his waist. “What’s the matter, love?” 

Resting his hands over where hers met at his stomach, Koji shook his head. “Not a scratch, Po. Not one damn sentence. No, I found a sentence: he was charged. With what? Why? What he did? What the extent was? Nothing. Can you imagine, Popuri? _Nothing_?” 

His wife rested her ear against his back and he felt a little better. Not about the fact that a ghost had it out for him but that at least she was here to make this feel less…eerie. He’d even asked people alive during that period if they knew anything and they rightfully remarked ‘it was so long ago’. He tried to comfort himself in that. It was _years_ ago and he was only _five_ at the time. His youngest children were in their thirties so maybe he was justified not remembering. 

…No. No, something was seriously wrong in this huge world of knowing and in his head. This was fishy as hell and he was going to find out why. Popuri rounded back in front of him and grasped his hands, leaning up to give him the sweetest kiss. “Let me take my hubby out for a nice hot meal and I’ll snuggle you when we get back.” 

Koji smiled and nodded. “As long as the snuggling includes your thighs snuggling my face…” 

“You’re such a perv” she said dryly with a sigh, “But the perv I married.” 

It really shouldn’t matter. He had his whole life right here and if for some reason there was this chasm of a dark memory he’d forgotten then so be it. It hadn’t broken him not remembering it, after all. Everything was wonderful in his life aside from those dark parts which they still found the light to come out of. 

…This though? This brief reflection back to a dark point in his family’s life he had not even a vague recollection of? It left him with the coldest feeling and his skin crawled. It wasn’t like the darkness. No, something felt so…filthy and cloying. Something he couldn’t even picture in his mind made him feel ill. 

What the hell was happening? 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_Dana smiled shyly as some of Yamada's friends gave her some watermelon from whatever game they'd been playing. She'd never seen it…smashed in quite that way._

_Thanking him, she ate a bit of the sweet pink fruit. Yamada had given her his hoodie to wear as she'd neglected to think it may get cold. It smelled fresh for as much of a cigarette machine as he was..._

_While Yamada had stayed away from the drugs, he certainly didn't reject the drinking after Shin got everyone beer and liquor. She'd taken a sip before deciding they must not have any taste buds left and politely declining. Yamada though, he was a bit more animated after finishing the whiskey between him and three other men. Shin was playing some music by Pyg on a ‘cassette’. She hadn’t seen one before and Yamada said irritably he was going to get one to be ‘hip’ too._

_Shin jabbed Yamada and the two started play fighting while some peculiar bit of noise played. She blinked when English rock came on and everyone was dancing around or chatting. This…was fun. Or what it was supposed to be, she supposed. Standing to go over to Yamada shyly, the man mouthing the lyrics boisterously with Shin. **Close your eyes, girl. Look inside, girl. Let the sound take you away.** _

_She smirked some as Yamada and Shin ‘air guitared’ to the solo, shaking her head. She…couldn’t have this normally. She couldn’t have…normal antics._

_Dana blushed when Yamada waved her over, singing Moonage Daydream and yelling that she should know this one. **Keep your 'lectric eye on me babe. Put your ray gun to my head. Press your space face close to mine, love. Freak out in a moonage daydream, oh yeah** . She giggled and did sing a little, remembering at the concert how she felt she was one in so many but felt so on top of the world, singing at the top of her lungs. _

_These…red letter moments with him. They wouldn’t last forever._

“Thank you, Yamada.” 

He yawned, looking cross for a moment and muttering why Shin was playing such downer music as they sat on the blanket, staring out at the night sky. A local business had just finished a nightly fireworks show and it was a perfect end to the day. Dana…couldn’t ask for a better day. 

The blond glanced at her, leaning back on his palms. His hair was smoothed back with a few flyaways and he appeared tired. It’d been a long day… “For what?” 

“F-For inviting me.” 

“Eh. That Hachiko s—t was for the birds. You deserve to have fun.” 

Dana frowned at that. “I wonder about that sometimes. I don’t know what I deserve sometimes.” 

“More than what you’ve been given, that’s for sure” he snorted, stretching, “How a rich girl could be given so little is beyond me. F—k, if I were rich, my kids would get to _experience_ s—t, at least. What’s the use of having money if I have to live within these restraints that even those living paycheck to paycheck have?” 

With a sulk, she shrugged, “…I dunno what my children will have. I don’t want them.” 

“Me either.” 

She snorted, “You probably don’t want them because it’d cut into your boozin’ trippy time.” 

Yamada gave her a look before staring into the distance. “I’d want the best for my kids. No offense to my mom, she worked her ass off for me when it would have been hella easier for her to just get rid of me but…I’d want more opportunities for them.” 

Dana was surprised. Oh…right. “That, and it’d cut into my boozin’ trippy time.” 

She shoved his shoulder and smirked, hugging her knees. “You’re right though. I’d…I’d want better for my children. As it stands now, they’re only going to be tormented by Domo.” 

“Then don’t marry ‘Domo’. He sounds like garbage.” 

“Don’t make it sound so easy” she rolled her eyes, playing with her toes, “I’m expected to marry Domo and I’ll be disowned otherwise.” 

Yamada groaned, lying down on his back. “Dana, it is literally _your life._ Do you understand we don’t live forever and you should be able to have the basics you want? Like not marrying a sadistic rich nutbag?” 

“…Maybe for now” she murmured. 

“For now? So you’re going to have everything you want for this single moment then you’re going to give it up when they say.” 

Starting to glare at him, she found his blue eyes the only thing glowing in the darkness. Her face flushed and she looked away. Right, just…for this moment. “Yamada?” 

“Mm?” 

“What…do you think of me?” 

His golden brow drooped. She really just fully realized his eyebrows were even sandy brown. He…really was half-American. Her parents…would have a fit if she were to ever even _think_ about having a relationship with a ‘gaijin’. But…despite the ‘boozin’ and the cigarettes and the other stupid things he did, she…she did…feel something differently about him. 

“What precisely are you asking me?” he questioned. 

…Just for now. “Can…you be there for the moment?” 

Yamada stared at her and she…would have thought he’d flinch or _something_ when she trembled, leaning close to his face. He didn’t even move when she pressed her lips against his timidly. Her first kiss… _and he didn’t even react, the jerk_! “You whore, you can at least squint!” 

He snorted indelicately and sat up. Of course, it was _Yamada_. He had harems of girls he got a hundred times more from. Disgusted with herself for liking such a human being, Dana’s eyes widened when he leaned in and kissed her this time. 

While she would have expected it to be mouthy, sexual, it was the softest caress she could imagine. Yamada pulled away, his nose still touching hers and his long lashes fluttering against her skin. “…You’re still a kid.” 

“Baka!” 

She shoved him over, probably a little hurt, but he just laughed and pulled her with him. She squealed when he wrapped his arm around her waist and rested his free hand behind his head. “…Just for fun, right? I don’t mind being your plaything for a little while.” 

What?! Flushing, her heart racing as she almost balled up in horrified shyness, she rasped, “Wh-Why though? I won’t be any fun a-and I probably most certainly won’t have sex with you!” 

“‘Probably’ most certainly, ay?” 

“ _Whore_.” 

He chuckled huskily, “Gotta live for the moment, Dana. And, believe it or not, I can be monogamous, it just usually doesn’t suit me. Especially when the girl doesn’t wanna be either.” 

Hesitant to get him to agree to such terms when she was _engaged,_ Dana murmured, “I-I know that’d be difficult.” 

“Especially if I can’t get into your pants.” 

“What happened to me being a ‘kid’ again?” 

Yamada sighed and sat up when Shin called him. “…I guess the ‘not kid’ you grew on me a little more than I wanted you to.” 

Eh?! He stood and reached out to take her hand. “Let me get you home, princess.” 

She sulked, blushing and awkward as she held it. His hand was so much larger in comparison, maybe she _was_ a kid. “If I’m a ‘princess’, what does that make you?” 

“The deviant thief that sneaks into the princess’ bedroom at night, I guess.” 

Dana almost glared at him but found herself snickering, “You have a very vivid and, I’ll tell you now, _fictional_ imagination.” 

“Man. Well, whatever. Titles don’t matter for fun, right? Let’s not think about this s—t too hard. Nothing’s forever.” 

Right. Just for the moment. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

**End Notes:**

Comme des Garçons is a Japanese designer. 

Yamada was playing Led Zeppelin’s The Immigrant Song when Dana came into his room. Or, if you remember that commercial for Destiny, that song. AHHHHH. 

So I’m trying to come up with a _reasonable_ way Dr. Hardy lived during WWII _and_ was completely functioning and okay by Lay With Me which is at least 2029 or something but still somewhat pre-serum. So…if he were born in 1923, he’d only be like…106. So we’ll go with he’s a robot. But yea, Souma’s an OC but his bro is ol’ fancy socks from Tale of Two Towns who I don’t _believe_ has been mentioned in the series. So many characters. 

I genuinely cannot recall if I said Dana was an only child but that actually probably won’t matter with the outcome. 

Cassettes! Cassettes are these square things with tape that start to unravel after a while for no good damn reason and that’s how we used to listen to music. Hard times. 

At the beach, they listen to Magic Carpet Ride by Steppenwolf and Moonage Daydream by David Bowie. 

What the what is with Yamada? He’s so sweet and mellowed out in the whole series and he’s cray here. The twins got it from someone! So yea, I am actively working on this one but it’s this in-depth monster I wasn’t expecting and when I can only dedicate like two hours a day to it after the mental drain of a fulltime job it’s slow moving. However, I’ll probably just do my old-fashioned chapter release since the ‘marathon write and release it in one swoop’ deal ain’t working. Toodles for now, boodles. 


	4. Decades

**Chapter 4:** Decades 

**Author’s Note:** Huh…it’s been a grand while. And I promise you this thing is getting written and I also promise you it’s well over 200 pages but it is _only_ the ‘History’ part. Dana and Yamada really do have a rich background, lemme tell you. 

It was very difficult to get the ‘present’ to coexist with the past here and that’s kind of a both confusing and interesting meld. It’s very difficult to work around not telling in the present because the past hasn’t caught up yet. Sounds confounding but you’ll see. 

Some things to note…so to explain the generational gap with someone coming up in this era…I legit forgot things were hella cheaper back in the 70s. I was giving Yamada _today’s_ figures in how much he’d have to make and such. Then I remember my dad told me he used to get an apartment for $380 when they first moved to the city in the 70s and people thought he was CRAZY for paying ‘that much’. We can barely rent out Chuck E Cheese for $380 now, what the hell. So, in that note, I will go back and edit the larger figures I was using to coincide with the times. Generally speaking, I always took Harvest Moon prices to mean move the decimal from the back to two places over to coincide with actual prices (for example, cake in HM64 was 300g which would be about $3.00). In my story, I just use one decimal place. 

**_SMUTTY MCSMUT SMUT SCENES ARE BACK!_**

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

It wasn’t that different. 

Sure, school started so she didn’t really get to hang around Yamada all day like she did during the summer but she still went to visit him at work and he’d try to take his lunches late so they could go grab a bite to eat. He’d still go with her to the fabric stores and sometimes they’d stop by the record store to see what looked good. They’d go to his house and listen to it and that was fun. Sometimes they’d study together or he’d make her dinner. Yamada was a good cook, surprisingly. She enjoyed making lunch for him too. 

…The real difference was the movies. 

Yamada would borrow a car from one of his buddies and they’d go to the drive-in movies. She thought it was awesome. He’d get them popcorn and they’d sit and watch whatever was playing. They went to see Ultraman last week. 

…The movies. 

Yamada usually had them sit in the front seat but one particular night he had them sit in the back seat of the car. She’d been confused…and more confused when he started kissing her. Weren’t they at movies to _watch_ them? 

_“Yamada, what are you doing?”_

_“Dana, I’m really…really trying.”_

His lips moved to her neck and it tickled but felt sort of nice. Trying what though? 

…Oh. “ _I-I can’t though_.” 

“ _I…I know.”_

Honestly, she was impressed by his ability to keep to his word. She really hadn’t _asked_ him to be strictly loyal or just with her. It wouldn’t make sense, she had a man she was already engaged to and this would lead to nothing. This was really them just playing at boyfriend and girlfriend for the experience, nothing more. But he was faithful from what she’d heard passing by Shin one day recently. He told her Yamada didn’t even go to parties to sleep around anymore and it was weird. Weird… 

She’d blushed, her heart racing as he leaned her back against the seat and kissed her. This wasn’t the sweet kisses he gave her which perplexed her coming from such a sulky man. No, it was passionate, his tongue slipping between her lips and darting against hers. Her breath caught as he slipped his hand up her shirt, around her breast. 

She felt him. Somehow within his jeans she felt he was turned on. And frankly, she was a little too. While she’d _not_ been aroused very often in her life she’d felt it at least enough to know she wasn’t displeased with the direction they were going. He groaned a little when her hands found their way under his shirt too and rubbed across the tight flesh of his back. 

Luckily? _Luckily, he_ came to his senses after that because she wasn’t certain she would have been able to. Probably before it got too involved but probably more ‘touchy feely’ than it ought to have been. No, after Yamada pushed away he quietly climbed back into the front seat and absently watched the movie. 

…The expectation was she be a virgin on her wedding night. The expectation was less stringent in some cases, Hachiko citing that her fiancée would rather her be experienced via their private conversations. Her? She’d been told by Domo he’d rather feel her squirm. Somehow she felt that’d occur whether she were a virgin or not. 

No. It was what she’d been taught her whole life: to protect her ‘womanhood’. Nothing was to happen there unless it was with her husband. She just had a moment of weakness was all. Of course, any time Yamada looked at her was almost a moment of weakness. Such an absolutely handsome boy. His mother was gorgeous so his father must’ve been quite the catch too. 

_“Wanna see him_ ?” 

That threw her off completely. She’d voiced her idea to Yamada in a different way, that his father must’ve been good looking. Yamada had been smoking a cigarette at the time and blinked at her almost lethargically before he said this, what she’d thought was, impossible thing. 

“ _You…you mean he’s here?”_

_“Nope. Mom has a picture of him.”_

He wandered over to an old box they had in the corner of a worn shelf and opened it. Removing the lid, he took out what appeared to be a newspaper clipping. When he came back over and sat beside her, he handed it off to her. She looked at it and was a trifle surprised. While on the bottom ‘James Johnston’ was scribbled in katakana, the paper itself said differently. 

“ _Jonathan James?”_

Yamada took a pull off the cigarette before answering. _“Apparently when he was shacking up with my mother he used the name ‘James Johnston’. I guess it was his way of being incognito that he was sneaking around.”_

Oh. Dana read it over and found that he was an American politician that had come over to speak to their prime minister at the time, Nobusuke Kishi. And, as she expected, he was very handsome. So…he was having an affair. That must’ve meant he was married. Maybe Yamada even had siblings. 

“ _Yea. I think he has a daughter and son.”_

Eh? “ _Mom said that’s what he said. He had a three year old son and five year old daughter. I guess while they were shagging they discussed how he had a wife back home.”_

…Strange? _“Yea. They were both in the wrong.”_

When Dana considered it, what she and Yamada were doing was ‘wrong’. She was going to be married probably next year and here she was making out with some other boy. Yes, it was to say in what short time she had left that she’d been with someone she liked but… 

...It was getting _somewhat_ complicated especially since she was so attracted to him and he clearly was very much interested too. Really, he was being responsible and she appreciated that from the King of Irresponsible and Whoredom. But where did the charade part of this end? 

That…wasn’t the same. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

“Thank you for assembling today.”   
  
Yagami Shin sat, alert, at the long square table in the conference room. It was military business so he was in his formal uniform as he sat with his other colleagues. It was a unique situation for not only was it the military men from around the world, there were a number of the top doctors from each nation. Yagami Yamada was sitting with the doctors. Never would he have imagined he’d one day be sitting in a professional capacity with his father. However, he knew the reason for this call to meet and only hoped his father could help them. 

The Special Adviser to the Minister of Defense stood at the head, a deep frown on his face. “It’s come to our immediate attention and disturbance that a new sort of biological weapon has emerged in criminal and terrorist activities.”   
  
A button was clicked and a diagram of the bullet that was giving Shin’s department hell appeared. “As of right now, the bullet is being called ‘Forte’. It was designed to make it so if the impact of the bullet does not lead to death, what it leaves behind certainly will. Generally those that live past the bullet’s impact proceed to have the bullet basically dissolve the flesh, release a toxin that affects brain capacities, and causes a fever which eventually sends the patient into shock.”   
  
Going to the next slide, the man walked in front of the doctors, an imploring expression on his face. “We need the world’s top doctors to find a way to reverse these bullet’s effects. We’ve lost hundreds of police, soldiers—children. It’s starting to be used in gangs and it is going to become an epidemic.”   
  
“Did it ever occur to you to control the production of these lethal bullets?” asked a particularly sarcastic German doctor. 

An Army general scoffed, “Is that your answer? ‘Stop’ the bullets from being made? We never had anything to do with them being made.”   
  
“Unlikely.”   
  
Shin closed his eyes to roll them as ethical arguments broke out about who did what. At this point, if the military had had their hands in the making of this disaster, now they were trying to be the Frankenstein to destroy the monster. It didn’t _matter_ though because innocent people were being killed and it needed to be rectified. If a treatment was found, it’d make the bullet’s terminal traits moot. He opened his eyes to glance to his father… 

Yagami Yamada appeared distracted, twirling his pencil and scribbling very shortly like he was drawing stars. Groaning to himself, he figured he couldn’t blame his dad. What was on their plate already far trumped some bullet. 

Shin kept a very close eye on the case of the Kamaishi. When he heard that the son of a bitch was given the serum, he was _livid_. What sense did it make? He ought to have been on death row for what he did but not only do they give him fifty years in prison, they make him essentially immortal so those fifty years were quite doable. Glaring to himself, he grunted. He read about the one who gave the ‘morality’ of denying the option to ‘inmates’ case. He’d worked for the Kamaishi family back in the ‘80s and it didn’t take a genius to know this was a part of a grander plot. 

He wanted to say he had the power to have the man watched but it was like watching night become day within a matter of seconds in the police department. Corrupt as hell, half of them were already knee deep in Kamaishi dealings and the web of insanity. They were going to help that monster torture his family and he was powerless to stop it. 

What made it even more difficult was they couldn’t tell Koji. Explaining to someone with no memory of the trauma that they were surrounding him for his own safety but not why, what the danger was, or why _he_ was most at danger was complicated at best. Koji especially wasn’t going to accept blanket explanations that ‘it was for his own good’. Too much had happened to him _outside_ of this, he was wary and he ought to be. Shin…often wondered if that were the best way, what his parents chose. There were so many things that…that got buried… 

Naturally, as most politics and medicine went, nothing was accomplished whatsoever when the conference was dismissed. The doctors were arguing amongst themselves and the generals were screaming too. Shin followed his father who separated from his colleagues and walked toward the exit. 

“I was kind of hoping you’d be able to offer that genius insight from the get go, dad.”   
  
The man stopped and smiled back at him, his brows furrowed. “Sorry, son, was a little distracted.”   
  
“I understand” Shin assured, falling into step beside him, “You at least _heard_ what the bullet was doing, right?”   
  
“Biological weapons aren’t anything new” his father replied, pulling out his phone, “Somehow mankind uses biological science for death. Sad, really.”   
  
Shin made a face. “Dad, while I would _adore_ the universe’s ethics changing--” 

“I know, I know. I’ll review the symptoms when I get a chance and look at the example blood platelets they gave under a microscope. I can’t promise but I’ll do my best.”   
  
“That’s really all you can do” Shin murmured, stopping when they came to the parking lot. 

… “Dad…perhaps you and mom _also_ need to be careful. It’s not as if Koji would be their sole target.”   
  
His patriarch appeared solemn as he replaced his phone in his pocket, having apparently checked his messages. “…Dunno what you mean, son.”   
  
Damn it. “Dad, is he already threatening you?”   
  
The man looked away before pursing his lips, “It’s nothing to be concerned about right now but irritating he’s already gotten my number. I’ve checked with your mother, he’s leaving her alone—for now.”   
  
Shin gritted his teeth. Damn it. “Dad, there is a _restraining order._ He is not to be in contact or anywhere near you guys.”   
  
“Oh son…” he sighed sadly.   
  
“Dad, I _know_ you still perceive the world still working the way it did back then but things _have_ changed and you can’t just rely on yourself to stop this. You have to go through the proper fields” Shin insisted, “Send me the messages and I’ll file a police report. At the very least, to protect yourself.”   
  
“Sure” the man murmured, handing Shin his phone. 

Opening the phone, Shin frowned at the top message. ‘How’s your wife?’, ‘how’s your son?’, ‘heard about you in jail all the time, you’re doing great’. What the…? “Why does it sound like he’s holding a civil conversation with you?”   
  
“Because he wants to convey himself as civil while he decides how to strike but also let us know he’s got us in his path” Yamada muttered, “But, it’s as you say, his targets are me, your mother, and Koji.”   
  
Shin swallowed, sulking, “And yet mother is just casually sewing dresses in her shop right now?”   
  
His father smiled, patting him on the back, “She’s something, isn’t she? Doesn’t crumble under pressure, your mom.”   
  
This was not the time to pretend everything was terrific. When this whole thing happened, they _finally_ outed the Kamaishi for what they were. It was in government files, the whole affair, because Japan was appalled by the level of violence allowed to happen in their peaceful nation. No public records existed for the event except small excerpts that gave basic information. It’d be impossible to do now but back then they wiped the family off the map. They were _angry_ about that. And now they’d had fifty years to simmer in their rage and they were coming for vengeance. His mother was _sewing clothes._

“I don’t understand her” Shin mumbled, handing the phone back after copying the messages. She was _married_ to this guy for six years, she had to have _seen_ what went down there. 

“Oh, I understand your mom” Yamada assured, “Because I will _also_ be heading back to work.”   
  
“What?!”   
  
Oh, so great, both of his parents were crazy. Shin gaped incredulously as his dad headed to his mid-size SUV, “Son, that man threatened my everything back then and if he wants to start up again, let him. And you know what your mother went through and I know she feels the same way. The only one we’re concerned about is Koji and that’s who we need to focus our thoughts on.”   
  
But… “Don’t fret, Shin. You know everything will be okay” his father said gently, his deep voice so calm and peaceful Shin was rattled. 

…Did he?   
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

“The hell are you doing?” 

Yagami Yamada was sitting in the middle of his floor, cross legged with his eyes closed as he took deep breaths. His mother apparently thought he’d gone nuts and allowed Hamasaki Shin in to probably demand he regain his senses. Nope. 

“I am meditating.” 

“You? Meditating?” 

Groaning, Yamada leered as Shin sat across from him, giving him a look. “Look, I’m trying it for _inner peace_.” 

Shin raised a brow before rolling his eyes around. “Oh, what you _actually_ mean is you’re meditating to ease your horny ass not getting any.” 

“Now we’re on the same page.” 

“Dude, you’re too into this. Just go shag with Mariko and call it a day” Shin scowled. 

It didn’t really make sense. He had literally no reason to say to Dana he’d be monogamous, she was _engaged_. They could play at boyfriend and girlfriend and he could get laid in the free time. It could be that easy…but he’d come to a rather disturbing conclusion. 

“I want her.” 

Shin looked confused by the sentiment and frankly so was he. This was new for him too because generally it didn’t ever matter but this time? This time it was different. Rubbing his forehead, he winced. “I want _her_. I don’t want Mariko or any of the other normal friends with benefits, I want to have sex with _Dana_.” 

“It makes sense, you’re calling her your girlfriend and she’s pretty smoking hot” Shin replied, picking at his torn jeans. 

Yamada rolled his neck, “But _one woman_? I know I can’t be satisfied with just someone else, my curiosities in _her.”_

“And of course you can’t sleep with her because she has to protect her virginity.” 

Yea, for her garbage fiancé that she didn’t even want to marry. Shin snickered, taking a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and pushing it between his lips. “You do recall that there are ways to get laid without you pricking her, yea?” 

Shin offered him one and he took it absently, grabbing a lighter off of the table. “…I guess. But that would still require me to ask her for those acts. And frankly those turn me on a lot and I _know_ I’ll want to screw her.” 

Her breasts were like silk. No, her _skin_ was like silk and she smelled so damn good. It was easy to miss when he was just deeming her a kid. Now that she was allowing him to feel her up and kiss her, those extras were becoming quite poignant. And the night they were in the car at the movies when he was between her legs and she was actually grinding against his crotch? He’d been so stunned he dragged himself away. 

“F—k, I want her!” 

Shin rolled his eyes again while he stood to pace, getting anxious and frustrated again. It’d been a month and a half since they were dating. A month and a half without sex. Maybe he just needed to work out his frustrations on someone else, that’s it. Mariko was bitching about him being ‘loyal’ and that he’d never done that before so why start now? Yea, why! Maybe it just wasn’t for him! 

A knock at the door interrupted his thoughts and he groaned. While it’d be _nice_ if it were Mariko, he knew who it generally was at this time on a Saturday. Going to open the door, he smiled awkwardly at Dana. “Uh, hi.” 

“Hi-hi” she greeted, wearing that ‘houndstooth’ or whatever skirt with a black sweater vest over a white shirt. She looked so…pure. What was wrong with him? 

Smiling devilishly, Shin rose, “Hi, Dana…” 

“Hello, Shin-san.” 

“I’ll just mosey on out of the way. You two have fun.” 

Yamada shot him a look to kill while Dana appeared quite puzzled. “Fun with what?” 

Shin winked, “Come by later, Yamada, we’re going to have a get together tonight. You should come too, Dana.” 

“Yea, I’m going to bring her to one of _your_ parties” Yamada snorted sarcastically. 

His jerk friend just laughed, leaving after shuffling his worn shoes on at the entry. Dana frowned, “Why couldn’t I come?” 

He made a face. “Dana, our parties aren’t…good.” 

“Oh, because I’m a goody two-shoes in your head I can’t go to your stupid parties?” she leered. 

Yamada just blinked languidly at her because that was precisely it. She didn’t seem pleased. “Stupid!” 

He simply sighed as she recovered, reaching into her gargantuan bag and pulling out an album. “I got that Ramones album you mentioned.” 

“Man, that’s super rare” Yamada remarked, rather impressed as she handed it to him to look over. “Shin’s all hoarding with his music, like I’m going to break his damn records.” 

“Well, if you don’t mind me listening to them with you we can just build a collection…” 

Sounded rather…pleasant. That was also something he wasn’t used to. Feeling awkward, he nodded, “Yea, that sounds like a good idea. Uh, you wanna listen?” 

She nodded emphatically and he started to go to his room to grab his record player _quickly_ but naturally his innocent girlfriend was on his heels, even closing the door behind her. “Your mom is sleeping, right?” 

“Oh, uh, she went to visit one of her friends.” And by visit he meant she was about to shack up and he had the apartment to himself for at least the next four, five hours. 

Dana happily sat on his only slightly raised mattress and he quietly started to shift the record out of the box, setting it on the player and setting the needle on the outside. Well, at least the Ramones weren’t making out music. 

He sat a reasonable distance away from her for it not to be weird but of course she rested her leg on his while she read a magazine. Grabbing some manga to distract himself, he found instead he was staring at her long smooth leg against his. Somehow he started stroking her upper thigh and gulping silently when she didn’t even flinch. 

“Yamada, can we get a burger later? I have some money” she asked, looking at her fashion book. 

“Y-Yea, sure” he mumbled, squirming a bit. 

Dana smiled, setting her book aside and sitting up. “I thought us dating would be a lot different, you know? But it’s just like before, really.” 

Finding himself a bit perplexed, he realized it…pretty much was the same? They listened to music, they went out to eat, she dragged him to places she fancied. It was pretty much the exact same except the fact that he wanted to bang her. “Yea…pretty much.” 

“‘Pretty much’?” she echoed. 

Yamada rolled his eyes around, throwing his book aside. “Look, just…don’t be upset if I sleep around at the party later, okay? I’m not saying I can’t control myself, I think I’ve done pretty well since we started but I’m pretty damn horny.” 

His girlfriend didn’t seem upset, perhaps…no, she just fell quiet. “I’m not allowed to be possessive of you. I’m _engaged_.” 

He considered that before glancing away. “…Well, I mean, if some other guy was hitting on you I wouldn’t be too pleased, I imagine. Thing is I can’t really be that way because, yea, you’re engaged and I’m probably going to be sleeping around.” 

Blinking, Dana curled into his chest. “…I _want_ to be available for you, really, j-just…” 

“Really, Dana, I understand. Just…not really. It’s not like you’re going to stretch or anything down there so it’s not like your fiancé would even know.” 

She looked at him, confused, “…You don’t?” 

“Dana, really” Yamada rolled his eyes, “Not that I _want_ to think of them in that way, think of our moms. Do their vags stay all stretched out because they pushed us out of the hatches? Do they have a huge gaping hole down there forever?” 

“I…never considered that.” 

To be honest, as much as he slept around, he hadn’t really either. The perceptions of other guys and really most of the gossipy women he knew made him think that if a woman had sex she was going to stretch. Dr. Souma had given him a look when he was starting to prep one patient to give birth. “ _Yamada…if that were true…there’d be a black hole down there for all time.”_

Yea, that…made a lot of sense, actually. Dana appeared pensive but shook her head, “…I dunno. What about the hymen?” 

“You probably broke it already doing menial things.” 

Dana leered, “And how do I know you’re not just trying to get into my pants?” 

“Dana, I’ve never had to lie to get into any chick’s pants, I’m not going to start now” he rolled his eyes. “I’m just informing you that it’s a lot of medical misconceptions that some super misguided person came up with.” 

Naturally she was hesitant and naturally? Nothing happened. They just kind of kissed and listened to music and he went to Shin’s party as frustrated as ever. Mariko came on to him, Mina came on to him…it was simple, really. He had options. But…none of them were the option he wanted. Smoking a joint to loosen himself up, Yamada groaned as he sat on Shin’s couch. Maybe he needed to give the gig up… 

He scowled when Shin did a quick line of coke, shaking his head. “What are you doing, man? You know that s—t has to be frying your brain.” 

Shin inhaled hard and flinched a little. “I don’t do it _often_ , tight ass. I need a little relaxation sometimes.” 

Yamada instantly knew what that meant and immediately knew who was at the door when he heard the knock. All he could do was give Shin a piercing look as the fellow winced, ambling to his feet to go answer. Hisakawa Tomiichi. 

He was typical. Black hair, black eyes, moderately sized. He was dressed like them but he didn’t think like them. No, maybe he did. Maybe his goal was to get out of this hellhole like him. Maybe he wanted a big house surrounded with nice cars and a pool. Maybe he thought he wasn’t meant for this life. He probably was right. 

Tomiichi’s eyes were briefly soulless before gazing at him with an empty smile. The bastard sold cocaine and meant to build his empire on the lives of others. That boy that tried to stab him in Subami played at it. This was the real yakuza game. And Shin was in cahoots with him. 

“Hey, man, what’s up?” Shin questioned, rubbing his arm. 

“Nothing, just checking on things.” 

“Right, right…” Shin nodded slowly, reaching into his pocket and taking out a wad of cash. 

That’s what a mogul would do. He’d track down the ones that could be his minions and sell his product so he could give them pieces while he took the bulk. Shin was an idiot. Pissed to see this even in progress, Yamada stood and started for the door. 

“Where you going, Yagami?” 

He stopped and cast a sideways glare at the bastard. Tomiichi thought Yamada would be the perfect henchmen. He had the ‘gaijin’ appeal, after all, and in fact may have been the best one to get in shipments considering his ‘American’ appeal, that he’d be able to pass as them right down to some of his name. They all usually laughed that Yamada had a middle name. Daniel. His mother said that his ‘father’ told her that his wife hated that name. Sure, give it to the love child. 

Tomiichi tried for years. He in fact tried to get violent a little over half a year ago, trying to coerce Yamada into his league. The only reason Yamada was alive right now was he pummeled them one by one into the ground. Wasaba yakuza rules said you can’t touch someone that beat you fair and square. Their dumbass rules. They weren’t recognized by any of the main yakuza clans but that was the dream. Otherwise Yamada imagined that since he had beat them fair and square that meant he’d have to die for marring their honor or something. 

So the slimy bastard tolerated him after that feat. Somewhat, since the son of a bitch attempted to assault his mother. 

Yamada had a strange relationship with his mother. She really wasn’t that old in the scheme of things so sometimes she felt more like his older sister than the one that bore him. Yes, he acknowledged that she got disowned by her parents, gave up probably a much more successful future, and had lived paycheck to paycheck until he could earn to raise him. This was also the same woman that damned him to that same future and often times let her drunk ass boyfriends get into fights with him. No, they weren’t always in agreement…but there was no place or universe or century where he would tolerate them trying to hurt his damn mother. 

Alas, in some twist, he didn’t even have to step in on that one. His mom, dressed in her waitress gear from her second job at the diner on the edge of Subami, had been smoking one of her cigarettes when one of the gang members tried to grab her. Yamada had heard the scheme from Shin and went quickly to ‘protect’ her. He came in time to see her beating the living _s—t_ out of them with her shoe. No, he had to say, they picked the wrong person for vengeance. Now she got a pass too but Tomiichi was still seething. And Yamada was still prepared to murder him for even _thinking_ to get back at him through his mother. 

At present, he avoided it because the only person whose life was still on the line via this interaction was Shin’s. Yamada had gotten Shin at least five or six jobs, trying to get him to work lawfully for his money. Shin would complain and bemoan that it wasn’t making him money _fast_ enough or it was ‘chump’ work. Next thing Yamada knew Shin had quit the job and started selling drugs again. Fine, was Yamada making _cocaine_ money? No, not even _remotely_ but he was making money to support himself and his mother _and_ not risking his entire _life_ doing so. 

…Idiot. “I’m going to leave before I do something stupid.” 

“Sounds like you’re already there” Tomiichi said snidely, “I think I heard somewhere you’re planning on going to college to be…what? A doctor?” 

…Damn it, Shin. Annoyed and maybe even subconsciously embarrassed when some of their nearby acquaintances laughed maniacally about a doctor coming out of Wasaba, he marched right out. Yea, stupid him for having impossible goals. The only one that believed in him was Dana who was rich beyond belief and believed everything was possible with hard work. 

…And also incapable of having goals because they’d already been plotted out for her. Ugh. 

“Oi, Yamada!” 

He didn’t want to hear it. He had _only_ told Shin of their group and here he was spreading it to bitches he hated. Trust wasn’t to be found anywhere, apparently. Starting to walk faster when he heard Shin’s footsteps behind him coming down the steps, he shrank away when Shin grabbed his shoulder. “ _What_?” 

“Don’t be like that” Shin scowled, “Look, he was just asking what it was you planned to do if you weren’t going the ‘Wasaba’ way which is drug dealing or being a thief. I just told him you were planning to go to school.” 

“And the doctor part?” 

Shin groaned, arching his shoulders back, “Yamada, you have to realize it’s a little unrealistic. Soseki is like the minority, he got out to become a journalist. How many others can we say the same about in our age group? We can’t do it.” 

“So I guess I ought to deal and snort cocaine like you do?” 

He looked cross. “…I will still make more money than you even doing your fancy assistant at a clinic job.” 

“It’s not a contest, _Shin_ ” Yamada snorted, “I want to make money in ways that won’t lead to my ultimate demise if I lose one piece from a deal I made. Not to mention it’s a f—king _waste._ You get a couple hours of some insane high and then you’re depressed as s—t again? Give me a break.” 

“What’s the point to smoking or weed?” Shin countered hotly. 

“Nothing. Literally there’s no point to any of it. It’s saying we have so little in our lives to strive for we’ll find it in cheap thrills. Am I going to give up smoking or a joint now or then with a good strain? No. But you’re taking a step in a direction I don’t want a part of, Shin, especially with _Tomiichi_ involved. Or do you forget he set out to have my mother raped?” 

Shin awkwardly squirmed on that one. Yea, the bastard was going to sexually assault his mother. And that was supposed to convince him to do business with him. Yamada was the crazy one for wanting something else from his life. Shaking his head, Yamada sighed and reached into his pocket for one more useless vice. “Look, I’m sorry, okay? I just…don’t want you to get hurt and I think even you can find a better way than this. Maybe I am insane for wanting to try to go to college but…why can’t I try?” 

“…I get it, Yamada, believe it or not. Just I think we have different goals in life. And I think you’re taking the hard way. The pretty much impossible way.” 

Yamada stared at him as Shin sighed, heading back up the steps. “I’ll see you later, okay? I guess I better see to Hisakawa.” 

“Yea, you do that.” 

When Yamada got back to his apartment, frustrated and somehow disheartened, he planned to smoke a couple more cigarettes and get more wasted drunk. He was already feeling a little trippy but, well, might as well drown in his inevitable failure and the path of life for a Wasaba native: alcoholism and eventual crippling addiction.   
  
His mother still wasn't back from whoever's place as he shifted through the fridge for whatever booze she had somehow purchased. Maybe they didn't have food but they sure had booze. Yamada raised a brow when the phone rang. Weird, so few people they knew had phones it was almost nonsense to have it. Wandering to answer, he sat beside the device and pressed the receiver to his ear, the cord tangled up from lack of use. "Hello?"   
  
"A-Ah, Yamada?"   
  
Eh? Honestly surprised, he glanced around, "Uh, kid?"   
  
"H-Hi" she whispered, "I-I just wanted to call you before I went to bed to tell you 'thank you'."   
  
"For...?"   
  
"W-Well, I know it must be incredibly frustrating for you to give that up and-and you've even been kind of stopping it from getting steamy when you don't have to..."   
  
Yamada's brows creased. Thanks for not having sex? ...No. "Dana, if some bastard forces you to do something you don't want to, just tell me: I'll kill him."   
  
Dana scoffed quietly, "Really, Yamada, I'm complimenting on you being a gentleman and then you're going to threaten to kill someone."   
  
He snickered, rubbing his face, "Can I ask you something?"   
  
"Eh? Of course."   
  
"...Am I being ridiculous with this college plan?" he mumbled. She wasn't the one he should ask though. He should ask the ones that had gotten trapped here with all the dreams in the world and not a gold piece in their pocket.   
  
Dana was quiet for a second though. Maybe she was considering how to tell him he could do it or that yea, he's an idiot. He'd probably appreciate the latter to an extent.   
  
However... "I've watched you, Yamada, and how you treat the patients, how you study, how you look when you're trying to understand. You can't see it the way I do and maybe you don't have the financial backing or the support from your mother but no one can see your vision the way you do. Do you think it's ridiculous?"   
  
In the distance he heard what may have been a gunshot but he could only hope was fireworks and not someone dying. Biting his lip, Yamada closed his eyes. "...It's not that I don't have a vision, Dana. Do I have the clarity to reach it when better people than me have lost their way?"   
  
"I...can't tell you that. All I can say is I've observed you. You have the strength and what you need to reach your goal. Just know if you dismiss it as impossible that you had the tools."   
  
...The 'tools', just not the material. He couldn't build without the proper supplies. Sighing gravely, he shrugged, "I'll think about it."   
  
"Well, I do believe in you! Dr. Yagami Yamada. How neat would that be?" she gushed.   
  
He smiled some, resting his head back against the wall. "Yea...that would be pretty neat."   
  
"So, uh, did...did you...you know, have...'fun' tonight?"   
  
Far from it, actually. But he knew what she was worriedly eluding to and while it would have been nice he knew deep down it would have been unsatisfying as hell. "Nah, just thought it would have been nice to get into your skirt but..."   
  
"Oh, you're such a pervert" she huffed, "What's so good about my 'skirt' in particular? Aren't they all the same?"   
  
Yamada usually considered that the case. As Mariko commonly remarked, one sex part is the same as the other and they all ride good with the right knowledge. Yawning into the back of his hand, he considered it. "Guess it's not quite the same if it's not my girlfriend. We did kind of decide on one another, right?"   
  
"W-Well, when you put it that way..."   
  
"I'm not pressuring you" he assured, rubbing his eyes, "I'll crumble and get my kicks somewhere, Dana, but for now I'm going to go sleep and jerk thinking about you."   
  
"King of pervs."   
  
He grinned and stretched his neck, "That aside, thanks. I got...lectured tonight about having an infeasible dream and I guess if I just defeat myself I didn't even try."   
  
"...You're different, Yamada."   
  
"What?"   
  
"I-I like Shin, sure, and some of your other friends but you're different. You...you think differently than they do."   
  
His eyes closed some. No way. "...Maybe I don't."   
  
"But you do" she countered before pausing, "Or maybe I just don't talk to Shin enough. But you're the only one I've heard take a dream and turn it into a plan. The others...there's a plan but no hope. Or a dream but no vision. You have both and...maybe you gave up a few times but you haven't taken the easy way out."   
  
His eyes widened when she squeaked, "Oh, I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow, okay? Oyasumi."   
  
"Oyasumi..."   
  
Hanging up the phone, Yamada slowly rose to his feet. Was that true? No way. He took the easy way out, he was ready to work three jobs forever to make ends meet.   
  
...Three jobs versus the one Shin did selling coke to addicts, an easy sell since they'd steal from their own mother to feed their addiction. A job where ultimately he was helping people defeat themselves and get caught in the trap. Maybe they would have found their fix anyway but they didn’t start off that way, they didn’t think drugs were the only way. What a dealer did was find the right opening and exploit it. Yamada…he guessed that wasn’t his vision at all. He took pride in helping people. Getting them hooked on cocaine? Yea, not helping. 

…Huh. So Dana did have better insight being the rich one. At least she knew that if he wanted to get anywhere in life it couldn’t be done by dragging down others. 

No…it could. Maybe…maybe they both just knew he wouldn’t do that. 

Mm. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_F—k._

_Yamada moaned into Dana’s mouth, her lips teasingly nipping at his. In general he didn’t often have girls get on top of him and have their way. Not because he wouldn’t let them or anything like that, no, they just were of the opinion he ought to be doing the work and in control. He certainly didn’t usually mind if they did, just…_

_He broke the lip lock only for her to kiss his neck. She could give him all the hickeys in the world but him? Nope, couldn’t leave a mark on her. That he wasn’t exactly used to either, girls didn’t give him hickeys. Of course, again, he was supposed to be ‘in charge’._

_Mmph, she was wearing the silky underwear. How did she get to wear silk underwear when even a t-shirt was ‘immodest’ to her mother? He groaned as she rubbed against his hard cock with at least his pants open, the friction of material more than frustrating but at least kind of pleasant. He could feel where it was supposed to go…_

_With a snarl, he pushed her back against the couch, grasping under her thighs and grinding his dick hard against her folds. He had to say, this whole not having sex thing definitely had to make him more creative. But f—k, she was wet. This was a battle of control._

_“Y-Yamada” she rasped, her fingers splayed across his bare back, “S-Stop.”_

_Ugh. Resting her on the floor, he slumped against the couch beside her and rubbed his forehead. Yea, he was starting to crack. He respected her boundaries but this was getting a little beyond his control level. Dana readjusted her skirt, her face flushed. “M-Maybe we ought to stop doing that.”_

_“Why?”_

_“Because, baka, it’s not like you’re the only one that wants it!” she huffed, hugging her knees, “Or maybe girls aren’t supposed to get excited like that.”_

_“Dana, I’ve had sex with enough girls to know that anyone who says that is either a complete idiot, incompetent, or maybe even pitiable” he droned._

_She bit her lip and looked at him almost absently. Maybe it was his bit of incompetence but every passing day she became more and more gorgeous in his sight. He was almost at the level of ‘why the hell is she even playing at being with me?’. Her big dark doe eyes were this somewhat sultry shape, they just cut him to the core, especially with how her brown hair fell over one eye right now. Ugh, why?_

_“Would…would you touch it, Yamada?”_

_All he could do was stare at her for a moment. His mind went in multiple directions but nothing corresponded with their history. So… “Touch… what?”_

_Dana flustered and hugged herself, “F-Forget it.”_

_“I mean…your…?”_

_“Y-Yes. O-Of course, I-I’ll try to do something for you too…”_

_What? Slowly glancing toward the front door, he cleared his throat. “Let’s…discuss this more in my room.”_

_“Yamada” she pouted, “We almost made it to at least third base in there.”_

_It was almost the best day of his life too. “Yea, but how would you feel about my mother interrupting or walking in on this session?”_

_She groaned loudly, slowly rising to her feet, “Y-Yes, you’re right. I only considered it since she’s hardly here.”_

_Yea, that much was true. Eventually third base would have been a thing out here too with as much as his mother was around. Following her into his room, he closed the door as she turned to him with her arms crossed. “I keep my clothes on.”_

_“No way.”_

_“What!”_

_Yamada gave her a look, “If I’m about to rub you off, Dana, I wanna see it.”_

_“But you don’t have to, Yamada-a-a! It looks funny!”_

_“Shirt on, skirt and panties off” he said dryly, “No deal otherwise.”_

_She leered, “Maybe you should be a businessman and not a doctor.”_

_He snorted and walked closer, unbuttoning the long tweed skirt and letting it fall to the ground. F—k, they were black silk with lace too. “How the hell do you have sexy underwear?”_

_“My mother generally finds the shopping for undergarments too lewd and disgusting for her to do. She’ll just send me with the servants and I’ll send them away” she shrugged._

_They were those high hem things, the ones that would come almost to her bra but the material made that pretty hot. Dana backed away, glowering, “I still think you’d do fine without seeing.”_

_“C’mon, Dana, we’re like a makeout session from me eating you out. I’ll definitely see you then.”_

_“Eating me…? What does that even MEAN?”_

_He grinned saucily, walking toward her as she continued to back away, “No, you pervert! I-I don’t think I like the sounds of it!”_

_She squealed as he playfully pushed her over, kissing her teasingly. Pouting and calling him a baka, she tickled his sides and rubbed his back. Fine, it was a little…cuter than he was used to but he didn’t really mind playing around. She grappled his hips suddenly and spun him over under her. That though? She did things to him with that, holy s—t._

_His eyes widened when she kissed down his chest, her body stretched so her ass was up. If this wasn’t going in the direction his imagination was going he’d need a week to recover from the disappointment…_

_No, his heart actually started racing when she tugged the band to his boxers down. F—k. She stared, startled, when his manhood stood pretty much straight up. “Oh my God, it’s so--”_

_Dana suddenly paused and gave him a sulky look while he smiled smugly. “Shut up. I don’t…I don’t know what I’m doing and I’m sure you’ll be irritated with me.”_

_“Dana, do you understand that erection? You can basically breathe on my dick right now and I’m pretty sure I’d come.”_

_“You’re so bad” she swatted at his chest, “I…I just lick it, right?”_

_Best day ever. Nodding, he suggested…places where the licking felt particularly nice. Dana blushed and leaned over. Man, he was so desperate. Her tongue shyly flicked around the head and he swore he could die happy. She sank her mouth around it next and…hell, he wouldn’t have thought a thing if she’d told him she’d never done this before, it was just right._

_“Ah…”_

_Yamada’s eyes rolled back as she sucked him off. While she didn’t take in his whole length, at this point in his celibacy he would have accepted just about anything. This was perfect._

_He shuddered when he came, moaning out deeply. Well, it wasn’t the sort of orgasm he wanted entirely but it was definitely an improvement from beating himself off. Dana sat up and looked like she was gagging. Yamada scowled and reached to find a napkin for her to spit in. “Seriously, Dana, don’t swallow that s—t.”_

_She accepted the kerchief he found and scowled after spitting it out, “That is genuinely awful. How do people do it?”_

_Yamada shrugged. Wasn’t anything he ever had to do but he wasn’t going to ask Dana to struggle through it for some kink. She went to rinse her mouth and came back, sitting on the bed and staring at him as he stared back. “So…was it okay? I know I’m not perfect--”_

_“Dana, I’m not going to critique your blowjob skills” he smirked, sitting up and running his fingers through her hair, “In fact I will praise you because for a beginner it was pretty damn good…”_

_Nipping at her jaw, he growled huskily, “Now it’s my turn.”_

_“Y-Yamada, I’m-I’m sure some of your…partners like it passionate or rough, but--”_

_He leaned her back, kissing her before purring, “I’m always gentle.”_

_Sliding her underwear down, he somewhat respected her wish for him not to see. She whimpered as he grazed his fingers over her sex, pressing his finger against her fold. Mm, it’d be so good if they could go all the way. To think it’d only go this far was a little…disappointing._

_“A-Ah” she choked as he played with her clit, her body arching with his touch._

_“Mm, f—k, Dana…”_

_It was going to be a long night. Even with her giving him head he was going to be right back to square one with this. He should have treated her first. Bracing her back against his chest, he used his free hand to hold up her leg and the other to slip into her folds, pumping his fingers._

_“A-Ah! Y-Yamada, w-wait--”_

_F—k, he loved that, getting harder as she kept telling him to ‘stop’ or ‘wait’ but was actually pushing his fingers deeper into her sex. His buddies said they hated that ‘contrary’ stuff but Yamada understood Dana’s sincere requests to cease. Plus, she was the one holding his hand there…_

_“You know what would be better there, right?” he whispered into her ear._

_She swallowed, opening her eyes, “M-Maybe…maybe ju-just the tip?”_

_“Wait, seriously?”_

_His mind was almost twisted with that possibility. He’d thought that much would be impossible! Just…he groaned woefully. “No.”_

_“No…?”_

_“I definitely would want more than the tip. I can’t be trusted to control myself” he grumbled irritably. So close._

_She actually smirked and turned her head to kiss his cheek, “You’re so pervy considerate, Yamada. I don’t know how to take it sometimes.”_

_“I wouldn’t consider it ‘considerate’ I can’t shag you, princess.”_

_“Well, we’ll just cut it down to pervy.”_

_He chuckled before he sat her up. She looked peaked and confused. “O-Oh, we’re done?”_

_“Oh no. Didn’t I tell you I was going to eat your pussy?”_

_“W-Wait” she squealed loudly as he lied on his back under her, grasping her legs. “Yo-You didn’t explain what that means!!”_

_“Shh. Just close your eyes.”_

_“N-No!!”_

_He dragged her closer and while she was very obstinate, he eased her thighs open and held her legs apart. She sobbed as he flicked his tongue at her clit, moving slowly to nip her folds._

_F—k, this girl. She was practically grinding into his face while he squeezed her ass, his name rolling off her tongue so fast. Ugh, this was so weird, he’d never been so turned on in his life._

_“Unn, Yama!” she cried._

_Yama, huh? He opened his eyes to stare up at her, wishing he’d negotiated her shirt too as she clenched her breasts. He couldn’t…handle this…_

_Dana was screaming by the time she came, her body writhing as she shivered with pleasure. He was hard as a brick again as she fell back to lean against his knees, her body heaving. “Y-Yamada…”_

_Yea, maybe they shouldn’t do this anymore. His mind was screaming at him to penetrate and ride her until she came a hundred times. Sitting up and resting her in his lap so she could collapse against his chest, still trying to catch her breath, he just…weakly kissed the top of her head and awkwardly patted her back. He knew what he was getting into with this. This? This was just a slippery slope._

_“T-That was really nice” she murmured once she caught her breath._

_“Yea.”_

_He stared, actually stunned senseless when she leaned back on her elbow and rubbed his shaft against her wet folds. F—K. He closed his eyes as she said in an almost petulant tone: “I wish we could go all the way…”_

_“Mmph…”_

_It felt particularly amazing as she just…prodded the tip at the opening but he scowled, pulling it away. “Stop that. Didn’t I say I’d want more if you played like that?”_

_“But…you’re not satisfied…”_

_Yamada sighed at that and stretched out on the bed, pulling her to lie on top of him. “I’m probably not going to be satisfied within the constraints we have but it was good. Further than I thought we’d ever get. Don’t worry, I’m at least…appeased.”_

_“I know you’re not…” she murmured, giving him a kiss, “…Can we get a sandwich later?”_

_He smirked, “Yea.”_

_Watching her as she fell asleep, he grabbed the brass alarm clock and set it for an hour. It’d be eight by then so they could get dinner and he could get back to her castle before midnight. Staring at her resting face for a moment, he kissed her forehead and stared at the sheets ridden with holes that he dragged over them._

_…F—k._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

“So let’s have a serious conversation.”   
  
Yagami Koji raised a brow as he sat in a private bar with his brothers, a quiet empty place where he thought he could… _persuade_ them to give more information on this situation. Maybe the other three didn’t know anything but Koji knew damn well Shin had access to the data he needed. 

However, it was Yagami Shin that made this strange remark as he returned to their table with a few glasses of beer. Koji nodded a ‘thanks’ as it was slid to him across the worn table, picking it up and taking a sip. Nelly looked puzzled as he continued drinking his liquor. “Oh…okay. Something wrong?”   
  
Shin took a seat at the round table, weaving his fingers together as he seemed to be in deep thought. Sounded serious. Maybe _he’d_ volunteer information. 

“Do you guys ever feel…closer to one parent than the other?”   
  
Or not. A tad frustrated but admittedly perplexed by the eldest’s random question, Koji questioned: “What do you mean?” 

“You know, mom or dad, who do you think you relate to better?”   
  
…Oh. Tony, the second youngest, yawned, “…I can’t say I’ve made any preference for one parent or the other. I feel like they were both pretty busy when we were coming up so I guess I have the same level of affection for them.”   
  
Shaun, the baby, nodded some, “…I guess I won’t say ‘woest me, my parents were never around and I had a terrible life!’ because, well, _duh_ , Yagami? But honestly? I love our parents but I don’t think I know them that well.”   
  
Koji was honestly a little surprised. Shaun was literally the only one of them born to their parents where both were together. “I…I suppose mom and dad did work a whole lot so I guess we ended up taking care of you mostly.”   
  
Shaun sighed, “Yea…frankly, most of my childhood memories are of you guys, not really mom or dad. So if I wanted to be real honest, I’d have to say neither.” 

Nelly frowned at this before shooting a look at Shin. “Well, you asked this so what do you feel?”   
  
Silently, Shin took a few swallows of beer. Really, there was no reason to ask. Koji, Shin, and Nelly were the only ones where there would have a clear divide of whom their comfortable parent was. Shin wiped his lips before confirming: “Obviously, dad. And I think that’s been bothering me a little lately.”   
  
Ah. Koji crossed his arms, leaning back, “…I think we’re a tight knit family, Shin. Obviously Nelly and I are going to be closer to mom but I…” 

He trailed off as he was about to say ‘I’m cool with dad’. But…what precisely did that mean? ‘I’m cool with dad’, what did that mean? That was the one that bore him, fed him, put him through college, raised him working slaughter doctor shifts—he should be _more_ than cool with his dad. The man had never given him reason not to be close to him. And he did love his father, really, just… 

… “I don’t know dad” Koji admitted quietly. 

“What?” Shin echoed, “What do you mean? What’s there not to know?”   
  
“What is there _to_ know?” Koji sulked, “Let’s see…dad pulled himself through school while raising you, managed to knock our mother up twice while she was married to someone else, was able to buy the mansion by the time mom left her husband, and then he started to practice at the hospital. Like, where is the in-between or the premise?”   
  
Nelly blinked, “Dad’s from Wasaba.”   
  
_That_ should have been a novel and a half alone. Wasaba wasn’t as bad _now_ with some revitalization but his dad lived there in the seventies. It was the height of drugs and crime in that area. When their dad _did_ admit this, he was curious as hell. All he could envision was his quiet collected father studying while guns were shooting outside of his door. Hell, his mother came from one of the richest families in the _country._ How did she meet this guy? 

“Dad tells us bits and pieces about his youth” Shin defended, “He told us about some of his friends—I met them, they exist.”   
  
“But what about _dad_? And further, who was the one to _really_ tell us about dad’s friends?”   
  
Shin did falter a bit on that because it was never Yagami Yamada that brought up ‘Tep’ or ‘Jum’ or ‘Roller’ or ‘ _Shin’_ , it was their mother. Nelly groaned, “I think we’re overthinking this. Dad probably had a super tough childhood and he might struggle to share that with us. I can’t fault him on that.”   
  
Perhaps. The fact still remained that he knew as much about his dad as the man offered and really that was very little. He knew things about his father like him being a badass doctor and he was the most whipped man alive when it came to Madam Yagada but those…those weren’t him. Just their quiet introvert provider. He’d seen him get mad about four, five, times in the entirety of his life but otherwise his dad was this…jolly kind person but Koji wanted…more. What were his fears? What upset him? What broke that warm façade? Who _was_ Yagami Yamada? 

“I dunno. Now that we’re like, talking about it, you’re right. What do we really know about dad?” Tony frowned. 

Shin absently tapped his temple, drawling, “I…I guess I feel that way about mom.”   
  
“I guess the reason I don’t feel that way about mom is…well, I don’t think there _is_ much to know. She was a Kobayashi that was engaged to an asshole, met dad, they ended up having all of us, and that’s it. She wanted to found a fashion line, she did it. She wanted to marry dad, she did…she’s just so straightforward” Koji replied. 

“Yes, that’s true…” Shin murmured, “…It’s not that much of a difference, really. We’re only speaking a spans of five years where she wasn’t completely available as my mother. We’re _well_ over making up all that time. I just…wish we could understand them more.”   
  
…Yea. Sometimes he wondered if after all this time, a time their parents weren’t expecting to be alive, they’d forgotten a lot of what happened. Like this craziness where he couldn’t remember what happened with his crazy step-father. Koji glowered at them. “Speaking of _understanding_ , is anyone willing to give me a little heads up on the Kamaishi now or am I still supposed to be in the dark?”   
  
Everyone fell silent and he swore he was going to kill something. Bastards. Talking about wanting to understand their mysterious parents and shutting down when he needed to know something about _himself_. He was the _only one_ that didn’t remember. Even Jill, Tony, and Shaun knew and they were the _babies_. Jill and Tony weren’t even a year old and Shaun wasn’t even _born_ so how did _they_ know? 

…F—k. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_Kobayashi Dana happily finished the last piece of Yamada’s pants for the suit she’d been sewing over the last at least six months. She could have done it faster but she had to hide these things…and when she had a small scare that her supplies would be found he told her to bring them to his place._

_She looked up and smiled some as Yamada stood in his small kitchen, looking at one of the last textbooks he’d have to read before passing the high school exam. He was drinking a cup of tea and making them a small snack since he’d just gotten off work. He’d finally secured himself a cassette player with the nifty feature of having a radio attached. They weren’t really speaking a whole lot but the music with the light rain outside made it so tranquil that…it didn’t really matter._

_Dana sang lightly to herself to the song that would come on from time to time on the radio but she really liked it._ “Looking out on the morning rain, I used to feel so uninspired. And when I knew I had to face another day, Lord, it made me feel so tired. Before the day I met you, life was so unkind, but you're the key to my peace of mind…'Cause you make me feel, you make me feel,   
you make me feel like a natural woman.” 

_Yamada looked up at her absently from behind his cup, flipping a page. “Do you understand that?”_

_“Are you insulting my English?” she stuck out her tongue._

_“Nope. Even if that was our native language there’s no guarantee we understand its meaning.”_

_She pondered over it for a few moments while Yamada hummed to the song regardless of his question. Staring at him, she concluded even her own mother, so judgmental and biased, would think Yamada’s handsome. Of course it took a while for her to notice but her play boyfriend was…well, perfect was subjective, but in some way he was pretty darn close._

_Last week, she had wandered into Wasaba as she was apt to do lately and in what had to be a rare occurrence, Yamada was sitting with his group of friends on the corner smoking cigarettes and laughing. He was surrounded by girls and they were all dressed…well, cool, she supposed? Or whatever the style was. She showed up in her collared dress with loafers and knee high socks. She looked like a schoolgirl and she almost ran away._

_Shin was the first to notice her and elbowed Yamada. She’d just die, she thought, if he ignored her out of shock. She…she wasn’t the type of girl Yamada went for. The ones around him, the free ones, the ones he could have sex with if they wanted, the ones that wore what they wanted and did what they wanted, those…were Yamada’s type of girls._

_“Oi, kid! What are you doing?! C’mere!”_

_No, he’d call out to her despite only being able to come here because she told her parents she was going to go study in the park, wearing what her mother chose for her and not being able to completely ‘satisfy’ Yamada because she needed to be ‘intact’. She’d smiled awkwardly and went over. He’d actually taken a long draw off the cigarette and put it out, knowing she hated him smoking directly around her. Dusting off his pants, he let her sit on his knee so she wouldn’t get dust on her dress and wrapped one arm around her. He didn’t…have to do that._

_Shin grinned when one of their friends said something to him, snickering. She figured it was something about her being ‘prissy’. The girls were shooting her hot looks and one of them actually voiced the remark. Yamada had been on the defensive for her._

_“Hey, hey, she doesn’t have the same freedom to sit on her ass like we do. Our parents don’t give a damn what we do at the end of the day. Hers will lock her up for looking a tiny bit off so I won’t hear any s—t talk about her when she walks into f—king Wasaba to see me and more than half of you s—ts won’t go a mile south of here.”_

_Dana originally didn’t know what that meant but it certainly shut them up. Shin explained it to her when Yamada walked off with some of the others to get some drinks, leaving his coat for her to sit on. “South Wasaba…you don’t go there. That makes this s—thole look like the top of the line.”_

_“What happens in South Wasaba?”_

_Shin rubbed his chin as one of the guys shook his head, dismayed. “Heard of meth?”_

_“That’s a drug, right?”_

_“That’s a f—ked up drug. You take that s—t, you’re screwed. Knew a guy from South Wasaba on that stuff, he came out without teeth and all messed up. Eventually mixed coke and meth and died.”_

_Dana’s eyes widened as Shin sighed, “It’s…the meth capital of Wasaba, if you will, and it…shows. They get kind of jacked up down there and it’s even more violent than up here. You don’t go to South Wasaba.”_

_“Yet somebody’s stupid ass still goes to South Wasaba.”_

_Yamada had returned and put his coat back on, returning her to his lap. Shin gave him a look, smoking his cigarette and accepting a beer from him. “You’ll remember Hisakawa lives in South Wasaba?”_

_“And that’s supposed to change my opinion?” Yamada grunted._

_Shin rolled his eyes around and Dana learned from one of the other guys about this ‘Hisakawa’. How on Earth could Shin know someone like that? Yamada told her when they went to his apartment for a moment to pick something up before he walked her home that the only way to make it here was through drug dealing, being a thief, or working yourself into the grave. “But…that’s so awful.”_

_“Isn’t it the same for you though?”_

_Dana gazed out of the window presently. Wasn’t it though? What did women in her society have the choice to do? Get married and bear children into a classist society and send them out to the same cycle they lived where no decision was made and they even had their spouse chosen for them? So no, how could she judge that? They…were all trapped._

_Except…she looked up as Yamada set a plate before her on their makeshift coffee table which was just an old wooden crate and sat beside her, still holding his book. In some interesting way she felt less trapped with him. He understood her constraints despite them being nothing he’s ever had to deal with. No, he just understood the concept of constraints and even though he could live outside of her draconian requirements he still tolerated her. And…and for what? She couldn’t be with him in the end._

_Yet he was the one that let her sewing supplies clutter a corner of his room because, according to him, she had no reason to give up on something she loved. Even though he worked a long day doing increasingly complicated things at the clinic he’d take her call and talk on the phone with her. He’d…well, man, he’d stop when things got heated. He’d stop when even she wanted more because he knew what could happen, even if he had evidence that it wasn’t even a real concern. He…_

_He respected her in a way she’d never had. When it was just them like this, it…it felt…natural._

_Dana smiled when he scarfed down his food hungrily before she could have even reacted and asked to rest his head in her lap. “Of course.”_

_He yawned and lied on his side, still reading and studying so avidly. While that Yamada that would sit on the corner and laugh and smoke with his friends was a part of who he was, only she got to see this too. The others probably could have, actually, but they’d have decried it as a waste of time or ‘stupid’. Yamada turned on his back, completely absorbed as he read something about physics, of all things. He would have excelled at school because he loved this attainment of knowledge. Could they not see that was a part of him too?_

_She couldn’t help giggle when he finally dozed off after she finished eating, his head slung back over her legs and his lips lightly agape before turning onto his side. Sleepiest seventeen-year-old alive. Almost eighteen…_

_His birthday was soon and Shin had told her he was throwing him a party at his place so she had to come. She’d never been to a house party before! She’d secretly gone out and even bought some ‘hipper’ clothes for the affair too. She couldn’t wait…_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

‘I’ve watched your magnificent life. It’s just something’. 

Yagami Yamada’s eyes narrowed some as he drove into his long drive way around 7 pm. He would have stayed at the hospital longer but when he got that message, it…got him too distracted. He couldn’t be a distracted surgeon. 

When he entered their home, he checked surveillance for the last seven hours to see if anyone had broken in. They hadn’t believed in gates and he didn’t necessarily believe in them now but… 

No one. A small blessing, if any. Yamada stared into the empty corridor, blinking and recalling how his children used to run up to him when he came home. They were all grandparents now, funny enough. He…he had never expected to live this long. 

Going into the kitchen, he grabbed his water bottle from the fridge before changing into his workout clothes. He…had to get it together, apparently.   
  
_Girl, you can tell everybody. Yea, you can tell everybody. Go ahead and tell everybody: I’m the man, I’m the man, I’m the man. Yes I am, yes I am, yes I am. I’m the man, I’m the man._

Yamada swallowed, pacing his breathing as he ran on the treadmill after switching on his phone through his Bluetooth speakers. When he was young, he thought if he was lucky enough to reach this age he’d be sitting in a pachinko hall, smoking a pipe with a blanket over his legs. His…stupid youth. 

_I believe every lie that I’ve ever told, paid for every heart that I ever stole, I played my cards and I didn’t fold but it ain’t that hard when you got soul. This is my world…_

After ten minutes of running, he switched to pushups. No, to think, here he was with a thirty year old’s body. He was in his fifties when he got the serum but they told him then his body was that of a thirty year olds. That made him laugh sometimes considering his previous lifestyle…but he guessed Shin didn’t let him live that life long enough to ruin him. 

__Somewhere I heard that life is a test. I been though the worst but still I give my best. God made my mold different from the rest. Then he broke that mold so I know I'm blessed. This is my world.  
  
Grunting, he did a set of fifty curls before bench pressing…150. He’d lost a little capability, he thought miserably. He told some of his old friends that he was lifting two hundred pounds about three months ago and they said his bones ought to have dissolved.   
  
_Stand up now and face the sun. Won't hide my tail or turn and run. It's time to do what must be done: be a king when kingdom comes._

Yamada’s eyes narrowed as he sprinted around the track. The track they had in the basement. Never…never back then could he even _fathom…_

_Girl, you can tell everybody. Yeah, you can tell everybody. Go ahead and tell everybody:  
I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man. Girl, you can tell everybody. Yeah, you can tell everybody. Go ahead and tell everybody: I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man. Yes I am, yes I am, yes I am. I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man. _

Still had to watch for his back though, he thought gravely as he swung a barbell. That was the problem being a doctor: it was hard to go to another doctor and be told something. Alas, even he knew that his back needed to be protected. The last thing he wanted to be was laid up for something like that. He couldn’t stand being bedridden for anything. 

_I got all the answers to your questions; I'll be the teacher, you could be the lesson.  
I'll be the preacher, you be the confession. I'll be the quick relief to all your stressing. This is my world. It's a thin line between love and hate. Is you really real or is you really fake? I'm a soldier standing on my feet. No surrender and I won't retreat. This is my world. _

God, he was so tired. He thought…he hadn’t thought… 

_Stand up now and face the sun. Won't hide my tail or turn and run. It's time to do what must be done: be a king when kingdom comes._

Clenching his eyes shut as he jump roped, Yamada huffed. He might’ve stopped long ago. Might? Would have. This fight…this life… 

_Girl, you can tell everybody. Yeah, you can tell everybody. Go ahead and tell everybody:  
I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man. Girl, you can tell everybody. Yeah, you can tell everybody. Go ahead and tell everybody: I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man. Yes I am, yes I am, yes I am. I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man. _

_I'm the man. Go ahead and tell everybody what I'm saying, y'all. I'm the man. Go ahead and tell everybody…what I'm saying y'all._

…What kept him going? 

_Girl, you can tell everybody. Yeah, you can tell everybody. Go ahead and tell everybody:  
I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man. Girl, you can tell everybody. Yeah, you can tell everybody. Go ahead and tell everybody: I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man. Yes I am, yes I am, yes I am. I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man. _

“Is that what you tell yourself?”   
  
Yamada absently glanced to the doorway as he managed his third pull up, feeling it in his abdomen and places he particularly didn’t like to feel things except full after a meal. Yagami Dana was leaning there, wearing a purple full fronted dress with no back. One of his favorites…she’d probably been wearing heels too. Staring at her as he went for his fourth, he replied between breaths, “No…I needed something to motivate me because the first thing I wanted to do when I got here was lie on the couch with a ham sandwich.”   
  
She smiled, crossing her arms, “I think you deserve to, you’ve been up since five this morning.”   
  
“Eh” he grunted, going for his fifth shakily, “D-Didn’t notice.”   
  
Her dark eyes watched him as he struggled for a sixth, thinking maybe he ought not make it feel like his heart was going to explode. Finally, she turned to go back up the steps, “Well, stop that and come to bed with me so you can work on me too.”   
  
“Bed?” he muttered, “For you at 8:15? That’s--” 

Dropping from the bar onto his feet, he instantly followed her, “Okay.”   
  
She snickered and took his hand after he grabbed his phone. No, he knew what kept him going at the end of the day. He…he hadn’t been responsible for this ‘magnificent life’. He…he only would have torn it apart. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

He’d nail Shin in the balls for this. 

Yamada buttoned his nice black dress shirt up over a black t-shirt, staring begrudgingly at the rather strange necklace Mariko got him before taking off to see Soseki for the week. He was planning to wear the leather jacket Dana made him… 

Dana. Dana was why he was going to punch Shin in the balls. 

While internally he was thinking he’d spend the day with her for his birthday and have the night to get into shenanigans, she excitedly told him Shin had invited her to his birthday party. Dana. At one of those s—t parties. He was well over a thousand percent against it. 

But she looked _so_ excited and he wanted to tell her the truth: she’d hate it. He really wasn’t that fond of them _now_ because he was with her and he wasn’t trying to get laid. Sure there was music and stuff but the other parts? He didn’t…want her a part of that 

“Oh no, are we matching?” 

He wanted to snort that he doubted it, turning to see these ‘hip’ clothes she said she’d gotten for the event…and almost fell over. 

At this point, her and jeans seemed like this impossible concept but she was wearing a pair of dark jean hip huggers…and _worse,_ she was wearing a long sleeve black _crop top_. He could see her stomach and it made her boobs look amazing! 

She was currently pulling her hair back into a ponytail, some band of cloth already around her head. No. “Dana, I am not letting you go to this party, especially dressed like that!” 

“What?!” she gawked, “What’s wrong with it? Are you my parents now?!” 

Yamada sulked, “Dana, you look _amazing_. So amazing that I can only picture how those assholes are going to act!” 

“Oh, that” she said with a horrifying lack of concern, “I mean, if I’m not with you the whole night I’ll be sitting in one place, probably.” 

“Dana, some men have this thing called ‘initiative’ where they will gladly walk over and try to make the moves on you” he huffed. “I’m going to be honest: I don’t want you to go. I don’t want you to see the s—t we get into or what sort of people my friends are in a different setting. I really don’t want you to see _me_ in this setting.” 

Dana pursed her lips. “Yamada, really, I’ve planned for all this. I know you might get crazy. And I’m even ready to take care of you, that’s why I told Harumi to cover for me!” 

And she was staying the f—king night. This was going into all directions of bad, damn it. Rolling his eyes, he huffed. “Fine, Dana. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.” 

“Okay!” 

He internally groaned and didn’t flinch away when she held his hand going out of the apartment. Maybe it would help some guys get the idea she wasn’t for them to f—k around with if they saw her with him. 

Leave it to a Wasaba party for all the guests to show up before the actual birthday boy. Yamada blinked languidly when everyone cheered, holding up bottles of beer, when he entered. Okay, whatever, let’s act like this party was for him. 

“Aww s—t, Yamada, you’re going to have the guys jealous as hell tonight with your hot girlfriend” Shin grinned, holding a bottle of rum. 

“Shut up, Shin. I’m still gonna punch you in the balls for inviting her to our s—t pit parties.” 

Dana hit his side, “It’s your _birthday_. You don’t want your girlfriend at your birthday, is that what you’re saying?” 

He grumbled. It was going to be a nice quiet dinner at maybe some place fancier than usual and they may have gone to see a shrine or museum or something. Things he could do with _her_ because if he said he wanted to go to a f—king museum with Shin or Mariko or any of the others he’d have been laughed at or they’d say he was joking. Nope, he was bringing his cultured girlfriend to drug booze delight. 

“Don’t worry, Dana, you’ll learn your boy here is always cranky without a little liquor in his system” Shin smirked, pouring a cup of rum and handing it to him. 

Yamada begrudgingly took a drink, figuring he shouldn’t drink too much because he had to look out for Dana. She gave him a look but didn’t say anything. Yep, this was already bad. 

He sighed when Shin got pulled away to do something, taking Dana’s hand to sit her on the one free area on the couch. He got stopped a few times to get congratulated on making it to eighteen. Honestly, he hadn’t thought about it but in some cases that was quite the achievement. 

“Yamada, really, if you want to go do some things with your friends, you should” Dana blinked, folding her legs on the couch, “I’ll be fine.” 

Opening his mouth to tell her that was a genuinely bad idea, one of the guys they called ‘The Photographer’ came up to them, beaming about his Polaroid OneStep camera or something. He had an old model last month and took a picture of Yamada with Mariko that she kept. He was normally against his picture being taken but Dana was excited. “Wow, I’ve never seen one before!” 

“You wanna picture?” 

Well, Dana wanted one so okay. She sat across his legs and hugged his neck while he hugged her hips. The guy gave them two copies and said in this weird tone ‘you two look too good together’. The hell? 

Dana was happy with them but Yamada was a little irritated by that comment. What did that even mean? ‘Too good’? Was that a bad thing now or something? 

“You two are these unnatural figures that are currently shacking up with one another in a way. It’s like when two gorgeous celebrities find each other and it’s confusing” Shin snorted, standing in his kitchen and doling out drinks when Yamada approached him for his opinion. 

“I haven’t heard ‘gorgeous’ before. I hear ‘hafu piece of s—t’.” 

Shin gave him the blandest expression as he handed him another cup of something. “You say stupid s—t like that again, blondie, and I might cut you short tonight. Clearly the booze you’ve had made you dumb fast.” 

Fine, some girls said he was good-looking but who the hell would believe that when a majority of his life he was gawked at in horror? Whatever. Taking the cup in one quick gulp, Yamada raised a brow when he found Dana up and dancing with some of the guys she was comfortable with. Well, if it were Tep, Jum, and Roller he didn’t mind, those dudes were too dopey for underhanded stuff. Sauntering up behind her, Yamada slid his arm around her waist and pulled her back against him. She looked back with a smile. “Hey, what’s going on?” 

“Nothing, really…you having fun?” Honestly, it was too early for the mayhem but he had to say it was going a little better than expected right now. 

“Yea! Will you dance with me though?” she pouted at him cutely. 

“Oi, whose birthday is this?” 

While normally he needed at least five more cups of liquor in his system to begin to even _think_ about dancing, he did humor Dana on it since this was her first party. Roxanne and Blame It On the Boogie required him to be a bit too spirited but whatever… 

“Ay, Dana! C’mere!” Shin called from the kitchen. 

Ugh, he swore if Shin had a cake or something where this crowd sang a birthday song to him he’d end the bastard’s life tonight. Dana rushed off to him though and Yamada groaned as he sat on the couch, rubbing his brow. Alas, if _Dana_ brought the cake out to him and he did that he’d feel pretty s—ty about it… 

Kari and Mina, two out of three of his favorite former friend’s with benefits, came over and sat on either side of him. Uh oh. “Yama-a-a, we miss you.” 

“Yea” Kari pouted, her dark eyes sultry with makeup, “Is that little girl really treating you good…?” 

Yamada pursed his lips tightly when she slid her hand into his pants and started stroking him and Mina started sucking his neck. Yea…no. Gently nudging them away, he muttered, “Look, Dana and I are just messing around right now anyway. Until that ends, which will probably be soon when her parents wed her off, I guess I’ll be…back.” 

While he assumed they’d be offended, Mina teased. “That’s our Yamada, always taking on the special cases.” 

He snorted at that and surprisingly they all just sat around and talked. That was something he was almost certain he’d never done but…well, it was pleasant? It definitely was keeping him from getting wasted. 

However, he noticed it was forty minutes later and no sign of Dana. Yamada, alarmed, excused himself and rushed toward the kitchen. All these maddening things suddenly struck him like someone forcing themselves on her. Damn it, Yamada, she wasn’t _used_ to this. 

When he busted into the kitchen, he…wasn’t expecting what he saw. 

Dana, Shin, and two other guys were sitting at the pull out table. The first thing he noted was the joint and liquor but the other was the stack of money in the middle. He was going to murder Shin before this night was over. “What the hell’s going on?” 

“F—k, I thought I was going to swindle Dana out of a thousand pieces in poker at least and she’s wiping the floor with us” Shin sulked. 

“I think they’re just being nice to me” Dana sighed, looking at the cards being dealt, “I’ve never played before.” 

Good, they deserved it, the tricky bastards. “And the joint?” 

Dana’s nose wrinkled…but not for the reason he’d want it to. “I keep trying it but nothing happens. I thought I’d feel something, at least.” 

Why the hell was she taking pot in the first place?! Grinning, Shin blinked at her coyly. “Try it again, maybe it’ll work this time.” 

Yamada could only watch in horror as with some horrific expertise she inhaled hard and didn’t try to push it back out. The guys cheered and Dana didn’t even _cough._ No. No, no, no. “Dana, we’re leaving.” 

“What? We just got here. Come sit with me!” 

Staring at her wearily, he slowly dragged a chair to sit beside her and accepted the drink some guy gave him. He kept watching her as she _gambled_ , would occasionally accept a puff from a _joint_ , and apparently Shin had made something tolerable for her to _drink_. This… 

…This wasn’t _right._ Why was she sitting here with this _rabble_ and doing the stupid s—t they did? Why did she put up with trash like him for? What was she trying to pull? Getting aggravated, it all went to hell when there was a knock at the door. 

“Damn, guess you won, Dana. Probably will take me a while to deal with this…” Shin mumbled. 

Was he kidding? Was he f—king kidding? At a party purported to be his birthday party? Dana took her stack of cash, at least a thousand and divvied it into four stacks. “Here you guys go, I don’t really need a whole lot of cash or it’d be suspicious.” 

“Dating a saint, Yagami” said one of the guys, pleased with this turnout. 

“Yea.” 

He glared when she tried to give her share to him after the other three left. “I don’t want your money, Dana.” 

“But it’s 250 pieces. The exact amount you need to take your high school exam which you’re saving for” she said knowingly, “I couldn’t get 250 from my parents so I just got fifty from them after hearing Shin tell me he was going to show me how to play poker when he invited me.” 

…Wait a damn minute. He gawked, “…You already _knew_ how to play poker.” 

“The drivers used to let me play with them. Happy Birthday” she smiled, kissing his lips sweetly. 

Not able to help a laugh, Yamada pulled her into his lap. “You know, we were supposed to go to a museum and have a nice dinner today and here you are carousing with the garbage instead.” 

“Garbage?? What are you talking about?” 

“You’re…you’re so much better than this, Dana. You…deserve so much better than this.” 

Dana glared darkly at him. “You’ve never treated me like that, Yamada. You’ve never placed me on a pedestal in a year so why would you do it now?” 

“What the hell ever” he scoffed, “I always treat you like you’re on a pedestal. I buy you hamburgers and take you to the _best_ movies--” 

She laughed this time, hugging his neck and kissing his cheek. “So you place me on a pedestal by treating me like I’m a normal person? I hadn’t considered it that way.” 

Yamada left it at that since she was content. He wanted to say that was as high as his pedestal could reach, taking her to crap movies and greasy old diners and apparently taking her to parties where she gambled and smoked pot. This…was his highest attainment and for her, this…this wasn’t enough. And he wasn’t taking her damn money either!   
  
Trying to give it back, she kept smacking his hands. “Pay me back if you _fail_. Pay me forward if you pass it and become a doctor.” 

Oh really…? He smiled some and stood with a sigh. “You sound like the better businessman, kid. C’mon, let’s go see what other crap we can get into.” 

Really though…? Yamada glared as Dana followed him, not tipping or stumbling even slightly. “Dana, you smoked almost half a joint and I don’t know what you’re drinking but it’s liquor and you don’t seem the least bit affected.” 

“It is odd, isn’t it?” she gasped, sitting on the now empty couch beside him, “Maybe I’m not doing something right.” 

Dana had swallowed the smoke and was drinking, from the smells of it, vodka with juice. She was doing it ‘right’, she was just not getting drunk nor high! Some people. Shaking his head, Yamada raised a brow at a bottle on the table. It looked particularly American. He wanted to ask Shin but, well, he didn’t want to get in the middle of that s—t so he’d just take a swig… 

“Huh…that’s pretty smooth.” 

Leaning over, Dana’s eyes creased as she read the bottle “E-verclear?” 

“Eh, probably some weak American jazz Shin’s cousin sent” Yamada droned, pouring himself a full cup. 

…Yep, pretty tame for his birthday. But that was okay. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

“U-Um, Yamada--” 

While Dana had featured Yamada intoxicated, she apparently hadn’t seen anything until this moment. He hadn’t drank _much_ , she thought, until he started to practically spill the drink he was so uncoordinated. Then he looked at her with those wolfish eyes and she knew that meant trouble. 

She swallowed as he pushed her over on the couch, kissing her neck…which felt nice but was an absolute taboo he had no trouble keeping sober. Nudging him away, she smiled awkwardly and held his shoulders, “U-Um, Yamada--” 

“F—k, Dana, y-y-you-you canneven understan’ ‘ow much I fuggin’-fuggin’ want you” he slurred, lifting her shirt. 

While very much horrified to be flashed in public, it was practically the whole room that just lewdly started to make out and _a lot_ more that she and Yamada would do behind closed doors. She trembled when he kissed between her breasts, fingering her nipple underneath her bra. “Y-Yamada, stop.” 

She meant it sincerely and she always respected that Yamada stopped on a dime…but not today. 

Her pulse started to race as he tried to take off her jeans, growing alarmed. What if he forced her? He was impaired, he didn’t seem to know what he was doing from their past history—beating on his back, she proclaimed. “Yamada, I mean it: _stop_!” 

He lifted his face and gazed at her with this confusingly sad expression. What? Was he about to _guilt_ her? “Yurr…yurr right, I’m…I’mnah thuh…thuh right person.” 

What was his bag? Dana glowered at him as he sat up and seemed miserable. “Yamada--” 

Before she could question where this sudden inferiority complex came from, there was a light chuckle. “You always go for the pretty ones, Yagami?” 

Yamada’s demeanor shifted so quickly she was disturbed. From melancholy to downright angry. His blue eyes even appeared darker as he stared at the owner of the voice coldly. “Dun’ talk tuh me, ya’ piece of s—t.” 

“Yamada!” she gawked, startled by his rudeness. 

Whoever he was reminded her ever so slightly of her fiancée, somewhat attractive with no really mentionable features. His black hair was smoothed back in one of those odd styles she saw some of her classmates don. Whoever he was just blinked at her, “Oh, don’t mind him, he’s a little cranky with me. My name’s Hisakawa Tomiichi.” 

“Ah, D-Dana.” She realized telling a stranger her last name was a bad idea. Not to mention, she knew a little about this person… 

Shin came over quickly, looking between them. “U-Uh, so--” 

“Piece of s—t. Don’t talk to her” Yamada spat. 

Dana scowled at him, confused, “Yamada, don’t decide who can talk to me.” 

Hisakawa smiled…it was a little wicked though. “You have a very poor mentality, Yamada. Here I am trying to tell you ‘happy birthday’ and you’re being quite contrary.” 

“Thanks. Go to hell.” 

What was his issue?! Shin quickly waved a hand, “H-Hey, let’s just cool it. I’ll go get some drinks for everyone.” 

He escaped and Dana felt ultimately that wasn’t the best idea. Tomiichi sat down on the other side of the makeshift coffee table and silently observed them. Yamada was drunk but Dana noticed he was _attempting_ to ignore whoever this fellow was. What…what was going on? 

“…I guess this is your father’s blood, hmm?” Tomiichi said in a bizarrely condescending tone. “The Japanese woman must speak to your taint. Not that I can blame your father for your mom. I think it’s too bad she fought back.” 

Dana yelped when, with incredible speed, Yamada almost shot across the table and tackled Tomiichi to the floor. What--?! Jumping to her feet, her pulse racing in her ears, she squealed, "Y-Yamada, stop that!" 

While Yamada was coarse sometimes, she'd never seen him in such a feral rage, punching Tomiichi ceaselessly in the face. God, he could kill him!! Tomiichi made a poor effort to fight back but Yamada had too much of an advantage. She fearfully came behind him, yelling, "Yamada, s-stop it!! You're not supposed to hurt people!" 

It fell on the deafest of ears...Shin finally sprinted back over and grabbed Yamada's shoulder, throwing him back. "Man, calm the hell down!!" 

"Y-You fuggin' traitor" Yamada spat, his hands covered in blood, "I-I'da ne-never talked to this bastard a day in my life after what he did if he did it to you! And you-you motherf--ker, y-you still work for him!" 

Shin's eyes widened and his nostrils flared. "...Maybe you better go, Yamada." 

"Don't have to tell me twice" he grunted, walking toward the door, "C'mon, Dana." 

Kneeling by the trembling Tomiichi, Shin shook his head. "Dana, just stay here. He's...he's not a good person when he gets like this." 

What...? Dana gaped a little, looking to Yamada who wasn't paying attention and was getting into a heated conversation with some of the others present. "...Yamada wouldn't have gotten upset like that for no reason, Shin." 

"It's old news at best, Dana. I'm just telling you when Yamada's this level wasted he's not good to be around. It's not safe." 

Recalling that Yamada indeed had been very forceful before this fight, she shivered. He'd...he'd be upset if she stayed here though. And...and he was clearly upset by something. She swallowed and slowly walked toward the door. 

"Dana!" Shin called. 

"I-It'll be fine, Shin." 

She felt that she made a mistake. Or, like the poker she'd been playing earlier, a gamble. He lit up a cigarette once they made it out of the apartment, taking long strides back to his place. She raced to keep up but started to wonder if she ought to just...go home. Shin knew more about this Yamada than she did. Even when he was slightly drunk that once he was never this volatile, the man now kicking over random things on the street. She... 

She was frightened. 

Dana prayed his mother was home once they arrived behind his door but by this point she ought to know better. Yamada practically lived on his own. She choked when he slammed the door shut and stomped to the bathroom, the sound of running water following. Sinking down onto the beat up old chair, Dana awkwardly picked at her jeans. This...this was supposed to have been fun. He'd...he'd made her birthday so special. 

Yamada returned, his shirt off and the blood clean from his tanned skin. He looked peaked. "Let's go to bed." 

"I-I'll sleep on the couch." 

She squeaked when he grabbed her arm, pulling her toward his bedroom. This wasn't Yamada. He...he listened to her like no one else did. This Yamada acted just like everyone else she knew and didn't respect her wishes. 

Shin told her though. He told her to stay because this wasn't Yamada's good side and she went anyway. Trembling when he pretty much pushed her on the bed and crawled over her, she shut her eyes tight as he pulled her pants off and her shirt. Somehow, at that time, she told herself this was her fault. 

"Y-You comfortable?" he questioned. 

Hardly! About to demand incredulously how she could possibly be comfortable with him forcing himself on her, Yamada slurred, "J-Jeans aren't...aren't nice to sleep in." 

"Y--...wait, what?" 

Sleep? Dana was speechless when he kind of just slumped over on his side and dozed right off. Was... 

...Was he serious? 

For at least two hours she stayed awake to verify this wasn't some elaborate trap. It certainly couldn't have been him aggressively concerned about her comfort, taking her to his bed and undressing her...so she could sleep better. Dana stared when his mouth fell agape and he was drooling along with light snores. She cautiously flicked him and he stirred briefly but went right back under. 

Letting out a hard sigh of relief, she grabbed the sheets and blanket and dragged it over them. It...it still wasn't good. He was out of line and she knew it. She shouldn't have come and put herself in danger of some sort of assault. She didn't understand drunk Yamada and she was trying to force the Yamada she knew into that person. 

...Which, strangely enough, came true. He...he had the opportunity right there to continue what he'd done and maybe he would have under other circumstances. Maybe if that guy hadn't interrupted...but... 

It...it wasn't the gamble she should have taken but she came out ahead this once. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

Yagami Shin remembered it rather well. It was the 90s. 

It was this fantastic time to have been born. He got to live through the eighties and reach his adolescence in the 90s. When he felt nostalgic, he thought back to how he got to be present and conscious for things like Nirvana, Super Famicom, and plaid worn not to be some silly form of ‘lumbersexual’. His children got to research it, he got to live it. 

He remembered it kindly. All of his siblings did, really, and he often felt this wistful sort of longing if he thought about it too hard. Certainly seeing the advancements of the world was incredible and he was well aware trying to play those old games now that he was seeing a lot through rose-colored glasses but…it felt good. 

One of the main things he remembered though? Koji. 

Shin uncomfortably sat in the room over from his brother as the man was grouchily listening to his ‘nostalgia’ music, which was always the grippingly awkward Korn. Koji and he could bond with the grunge but the nu metal, Shin often felt…shocked. Especially Korn though, the things they were comfortable talking about, holy God. 

It made perfect sense to Shin why the second oldest was starting to get angry. How many times could they just skirt over him asking what was going on? Being at his house all the time, changing the subject when Kamaishi came up, Nelly advising him to vacation _out of the country…_ if the situation was reversed, why, Shin was sure he’d be agitated too. 

Koji had closed his eyes and was sitting away from the family on dinner night. Shin wouldn’t fail to give the man credit for calmly trying to approach the topic and advising that he was getting a little upset that they were keeping things from him _again._ He was cool as ice and Shin could say for a fact he had really calmed down in his ‘old age’. Until they didn’t say anything. 

_“You know what, you motherf—kers—I don’t know what the f—k problem every f—king body has with telling me what the f—k is going on but I am up to HERE with this s—t!! None of you talk to me unless you come off your f—king high horse with something important to say!!”_

Nelly _tried_ to protest but Koji was nothing if not true to his word, not listening to a sound his siblings had to say. Everyone else—his wife, nieces and nephews, and his children got a pass but them? He meant it. After Nelly’s fifth attempt, he simply shrugged and said ‘mama will talk sense into him’. 

But precisely _how long_ would that work? Yes, for as ornery as Koji could be, mom was kind of the one that kept him in ‘line’ aside from Popuri. However, she knew too…she knew why he couldn’t remember anything and why, out of all of them, Kamaishi might target him specifically. When would he get fed up with her too? 

Shin absently watched Koji as he took a long drink of beer. Koji notoriously had ‘issues’. Of course he and Nelly were insane with their partying and drinking and womanizing. Shin couldn’t count the number of times he’d caught the two either smoking a bong or joint or in some…precarious position with a girl from school. It couldn’t be described as ‘good’ and he was disturbingly _still_ impressed neither had ever turned up with an STD, DUI, or any acronym that they deserved to have after all that nonsense. Yea, he’d had to bail them out for public drunkenness from time to time but that they’d never done anything _in_ that public drunkenness? Impressive, really. 

Koji though… 

Like tonight, except much worse, Koji was prone to mood swings. He was somewhere between suicidal reckless or brutally angry. The one night Shin would not ever be able to forget was a sixteen-year-old Koji beating a boy so horrifically at one of his and Nelly’s house parties that the guy never even looked the same again. Shin had wondered in the aftermath why he didn’t _legitimately_ press charges against Koji. 

One of his friends who was present told him that the ‘sicko’ told Koji, in front of quite a few witnesses, that he was going to ‘f—k your sister’s brains out’. Jill was eleven or twelve at the time. 

Shin remembered being astonished when he was told that. Yes, it was disturbing and disgusting and he probably would have beat the bastard up too. Not only that…it…it…just… 

Jill bit her lip, also attempting to go speak to Koji but she wasn’t on his good list today. Generally, as their only sister, she always was but…apparently Tony, Shaun, and Jill made Koji _especially_ irritated as they were babies or born _after the fact_ but knew what was going on. 

“Sorry we’re late. Things at the shop were busy.”   
  
He looked up as their matriarch entered, dad right behind her as usual. No one even really got a chance to greet them before Nelly proclaimed she go ‘talk to Koji’. 

Gazing toward their gentle father, he found the man also watching his wife go into the room where Koji was. The great Yagada swatted at Koji’s shoulder and appeared to give him a good ‘talking to’ after taking his earphones. As always, Koji, begrudgingly, listened to her before shaking his head. 

Alas, he stood, came into the room, and mildly regarded them. Dana entered with a sigh and glowered as Koji went to apparently complain to Popuri. “…I just…want him to _be calm._ This will blow over soon enough.”   
  
Shin doubted that very seriously though every other sibling nodded in agreement. Yamada didn’t say or gesture anything, probably as skeptical as he was that something this serious was going to ‘blow over’ without Koji needing one inkling of information. Not to mention, what was he going to think after this? They could go through a whole catastrophe and not give him _one clue_? How was he supposed to feel about that? That was the other thing Koji always told him in the nineties, that he was the black sheep of the family. Shin always told him then that was ridiculous but something like this comes up and it seemed suspiciously true. 

…It wasn’t going to blow over. It wasn’t. The truth of the matter, that fight where Koji probably was one punch away from killing that pervert, all those times he got so uncontrollably angry for no good reason, the times he got so cripplingly upset?   
  
…Koji…Koji knew what was going on too. And it couldn’t be kept from unraveling now. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

His brain literally hurt. 

Yagami Yamada was used to drinking bottles and bottles of liquor one right after the other. He was barely even fazed anymore. But whatever, and he meant _whatever_ , he consumed last night must’ve been pure poison. His brain _literally hurt._ His brain should not be an organ he was able to centralize numbing pain to, damn it. 

Drearily staring around his room which he had absolutely _no_ idea how he got to last night, he glanced to his side and found Dana lying on her back. She looked absolutely exhausted and…she was…pretty much half naked. 

He jolted up in alarm. Holy s—t. What if they did it _drunk_? Damn it, Yamada, you were the one that was supposed to have your head on straight to protect her! Weakly shaking her shoulder to awaken her, Dana’s dark eyes fluttered opened and moved to stare at him tiredly. “…Good morning.” 

“Dana, do you remember what happened last night?” 

Her eyes closed again before her brow rose, “You got wasted drunk, weren’t listening to me when I said ‘stop’--” 

What the _s—t_? He’d _never_ forced himself on anyone. Instantly growing ill, he started to sputter that he had to have been out of his absolute mind last night. Dana stared at him evenly, “—Then ‘Hisakawa Tomiichi’ came over, you started cursing at him and eventually you beat his face in and Shin told us to leave. Then we came here, you undressed and _terrified_ me only to fall over and go to sleep.” 

…What? Yamada rubbed his face roughly. He was never a black out drunk type where massive pieces of the event were missing. This was like a whole f—king block of time was removed entirely and he _hated it._ “Dana, if-if I was making you uncomfortable and fearful you shouldn’t have come home with me. I-I mean, I-I would _never_ hurt you and you know if-if some dick drunk version of me didn’t listen to your ‘no’ you ought to have left on the spot.” 

“I should have” she agreed quietly, “…I don’t know. I guess I trusted you. And, in the end, you didn’t disappoint me. But it wasn’t a gamble I ought to have taken.” 

“You’re damn right!” 

Aggravated completely with himself more than her, he jumped to his feet and glared. “Dana, this-this is _wrong_. I don’t want you seeing the part of me where I’ll beat the s—t out of a guy with no explanation. I don’t know what happened to devolve me into someone that would _assault_ you but you shouldn’t _accept that_. This-this is _wrong_ for you!” 

Dana scowled, sitting up and curling his hole ridden sheet around her, “You kept saying that when you were drunk too, that you’re not the ‘right’ person. If this is for kicks, of course not but why are you suddenly so ashamed and trying to push me away?!” 

He was going to say something. It was going to sound loathing and pathetic but he was going to tell her why going to parties and sneaking around with a gaijin piece of trash that lived in one of the worst neighborhoods in _Japan_ wasn’t right _._ Not Hondo, not Honshu _, Japan._ The whole f—king _island_. This wasn’t even ‘playing around’ anymore either, she was _staying_ with him now and going to parties and doing _drugs_ —she was on a slippery slope into this hellpit with him and that wasn’t _right_. She deserved and had _better_ than this. 

A bullet shattering his window and grazing his side though? That ought to do the trick. 

Dana screeched and he quickly grabbed her, almost throwing her toward the floor and rolling her under his bed. What the f—k?! If there was one saving grace to his life it was his apartment had _never_ been shot at! But no…he knew what this was from what Dana told him. Rotten piece of s—t. 

Kissing the back of her head, Yamada hissed, “Stay right here until I come back, okay?” 

“W-What?! Y-Yama--” she sobbed. 

He grabbed a white shirt off the ground and told her he’d be right back, darting out of his apartment and basically glided down the five flights of steps. People on the street were looking around outside and somewhat confounding the situation as Yamada rapidly read their faces. One guy in particular though? He was darting down the street toward South Wasaba. Bingo. 

Sprinting hard, his feet striking against the uneven streets, Yamada tackled the bastard _hard_ and he yelped. All he could do was seethe as he gripped the _pawn’s_ shirt and snarled darkly: “Take me to Hisakawa.” 

The kid took him without complaint because that was the meaning of the interaction. No, they couldn’t simply send a message after Yamada beat the s—t out of their leader. They had to impart fear that should they wish it they could shoot Yamada in his home. That wasn’t the end goal. This time. 

The shooter yelped when they reached the s—thole that was Hisakawa’s apartment. Except, out of all South Wasaba, this was probably the best apartment available. That was just like saying this was the best terminal disease out of terminal diseases; the end result was the same. 

The guy squeaked when Yamada almost threw him through the apartment door which apparently housed Hisakawa. The bastard was sitting on a couch, two strung out women on either side of him. Despite the situation, Yamada took joy in the fact that the son of a bitch looked quite injured. 

“Well, Yagami, you seem to have recovered from last night.” 

“Hisakawa, you listen the f—k to me, you piece of s—t: if you _ever_ shoot at my apartment again, I will kill you. Maybe I was outta line for that s—t last night--” 

Hisakawa waved a hand. "I'll admit that I may have been trying to rile you up last night, Yagami, so while the beating wasn't desired, I didn't shoot at you for that." 

Whatever. "You could have easily shot my girlfriend and killed her, you asshole--" 

"Oh, well, I wasn't aware if she were there or not. She's fine, I assume." 

Yamada's eyes narrowed. "If you mean terrified, sure." 

Hisakawa shrugged, "If you're gonna run around this neighborhood you should expect things can happen." 

Unfortunately one thing they could agree on...Yamada started to demand what the idea was then. Hisakawa stippled his fingers and smiled. "I have a proposition for you." 

Was he f--king serious? "After shooting at me and trying to rape my mom, there's some twisted place in your mind that thinks I'd work for you?" 

"No, no," Hisakawa shook his head, "You have grander endeavors, supposedly. This is more a...bargain." 

"Cut the s--t." 

"Shin is shaving money from me." 

...What? 

All Yamada could do was stare. Shaving money? As in, he was in an affiliation associated with the yakuza and he thought to steal money? "C-C'mon, Hisakawa, gimme a break. Shin isn't that stupid." 

Hisakawa raised a brow and Yamada internally groaned. Yea, who was he kidding? 

"...What...what do you want?" he asked quietly. 

The bastard smiled, knowing Yamada was now malleable. It wouldn't be the first time he protected Shin's life, damn him. Did he not give Shin all the opportunities to make money the right way? Yea, he guessed he was shaving money considering the percentage Hisakawa and their pseudo-yakuza got for all his work. Except you don't steal from the damn yakuza and everyone in this entire universe knew that except, apparently, Shin.   
  
"Yagami, I think selling's not for you. I think you'd do well at it but I know your heart wouldn't be in it."   
  
...He could sense a nice 'but' there. "I want you to come with Shin under the guise of selling. Just as a transaction thing so you can see that I'm not bulls--ting you when I have you pay his difference. You pay his difference, I don't kill him, I don't shoot at your house, and as a bonus, should your girl have any problems here in Wasaba my men will make sure she's safe."   
  
Yamada's nostrils flared. "You leave her out of it."   
  
"Really, Yamada" Hisakawa said in a rather disapproving tone, "Some drunk stoned asshole comes and tries to rough up your girl and my men happen to be around, they'll fix it. If they're not, she's on her own. Simple."   
  
...Ugh. "How...how much is Shin cutting?"   
  
"It ranges. Some weeks it's about a thousand, next week it's about three."   
  
What?! "Hisakawa, you know Shin's my friend but you also know I sure as f--k can't just drop three thousand a week to keep you from blowing his head off. I'm not doing either of us any good being homeless."   
  
"Then I guess you better convince him to stop cutting then" Hisakawa said dryly, "I mean, I was just giving you this chance, Yagami. I can very well teach Shin a lesson about why stealing is bad."   
  
And s--t had been so comfortable. Jaw taut, Yamada nodded shortly. "...You'll get your money. No shooting at my damn apartment and you sure as hell keep as little to do with Dana as possible."   
  
"Fair enough."   
  
If there was a saving grace it was Hisakawa dealt in physical contracts. He had Yamada sign a piece of paper and allowed him to read over it to know it was legit. Yamada even got a copy in case anyone tried to alter the original agreement. "You would've been a better lawyer, Hisakawa."   
  
The fellow seemed thoughtful. "...Probably could've. Just we're not all studious like some people."   
  
Yamada's eyes narrowed as his cronies snickered. Yea, he guessed not. And he guessed he was the idiot that got trapped in this s--t no matter what he did or how hard he tried not to. Damn it, Shin.   
  
Going back up the road miserably, growing so tired just thinking about getting a second job when the one he had had been more than enough, Yamada lit up a stale cigarette he'd left in his pocket. It was no use. He'd thought. He'd really thought. 

He was excited and nauseous to take that test but he knew he could blow it away. And if he blew it away, he could get grants so he wouldn’t have to pay too much tuition. It’d be a hassle but he’d go to night school, work during the day, and party on the weekend. He’d gotten _excited_ about life. 

Now? Now he had to go get a second job to keep his stupid friend from dying. That’d cut into any possibility he had of going to school. He’d be working just to make ends meet again because his stupid ass friend couldn’t work like a _good person_. No, no one was expected to work like a normal person in this fucking town. Drugs. He _still_ got caught up in the drug fight. 

Walking up his steps, he closed his eyes miserably. This…this was why. This was why he couldn’t have anything. His life wasn’t meant for that. This was why… 

Yamada wandered into his apartment before going to his bedroom, finding Dana curled up in a ball in the corner and shivering. 

…This was why she didn’t belong here. 

“Y-Yamada?” she choked. 

All he could do was stare down at her for a moment. For some fleeting second he’d thought maybe, just maybe, if he made enough of himself, maybe…maybe they could have something. What a fool. “Let me get you home, Dana.” 

She didn’t fight him and why should she? She put on her Subami clothes and left behind the brief glimpse into this gutter life. He put on his coat to hide the blood that was dribbling down his side. Just like before when he got stabbed for things beyond his control. If only he’d known that would be his entire life. 

They got to that gate blocking the rabble from the affluent, the paupers from the king, in utter silence. Yamada stared at the barrier and swallowed. It wasn’t just physical. 

“Dana…we probably shouldn’t see each other anymore.” 

She quietly gazed at him but didn’t rebut it this time. No, getting shot at was probably the best eye opener in the world. People just shot at the place where he slept at night for no good reason. She’d never know what that felt like. 

Yamada reached into his pocket to get out the wad of money she gave him, knowing that if he kept it it’d apparently just go into Hisakawa’s pocket like ninety percent of his friend’s money did. Alas, she still wouldn’t take it back, closing his hand around it. “No. I want you to be a doctor, Yamada.” 

“Dana, stop being crazy. It was a f—king dream and it’s time to be real.” 

Dana softly kissed his knuckles. “…A dream is intangible. A goal is physical. And so are your obstacles.” 

His eyes widened as she gazed at him sadly, “…Take…take care of yourself, Yamada. Please be safe.” 

“…Okay.” 

She gave him one last kiss and he felt ill. Walking away, he felt like all the moments went with her. The studying, the rainy afternoons listening to the radio, watching her sew, the hamburgers…the…the getting to live something of a normal life with one person. It was only supposed to be fun. 

…Was that it? 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

**End Notes:**

Ultraman is a character of some space alien robot dude. It’s 4 am so I will alter this when I’m less disoriented. 

(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman is by Aretha Franklin. Roxanne is by The Police. Blame It On the Boogie, stick with me as my favorite responses from my friend and cousin when we play Just Dance is ‘who the hell is Mick Jackson?’, is by _Mick Jackson_ and then it was done by The Jacksons. It’s just a fun little jam. Yamada was listening to Aloe Blacc’s ‘The Man’ when he was working out. Apparently Yamada and Dana are very musically well-rounded. 

Shin and crew would have been ‘coming up’ in the eighties and nineties. I was actually very much planning on going _into_ the scene Shin described with Koji. However, I have to admit I am very much struggling with accepting the passage of time and even slightly thinking about my childhood nowadays makes me genuinely depressed for good but not presently right reasons. I am a 90s kid so hopefully when I _do_ write that scene when _Koji_ thinks about it, I won’t get all miserable. It was good times, folks. 

This story, as I mentioned, will get _very_ dark. It’s actually gotten somewhat darker as I delved into what makes Yamada tick too. I was struggling to juxtapose it correctly but I wanted to show that while Yamada and Koji are typically supposed to be foils, youthful Yamada and Koji have a whole ton in common, including that terrible temper. It’s all building to the madness that I’m sure you all are starting (or already are) sensing is about to come. And I’m sorry I’m ending it on a cliffhanger which OBVIOUSLY isn’t a cliffhanger or even a slight concern but hopefully I’ll get to update again soon. 

Toodles for now! 


	5. Loose Pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NOTE 10/1/16: So I was randomly doing some notation checks as, seemingly AFTER I release things, I note spelling and punctuation errors and realized...Julia and Mark were *SPOILER FOR YUME* divorced by this point. Julia has been removed.

**Chapter 5:** Loose Pieces 

**Author’s Note:** So I’m going to shock everyone this week with an update for this AND sometime within the next several days, an update to ENDGAME. Believe it or not, I have a lot of pages for Chapter 11, I just set it on the backburner because something within _this_ becomes sort of a plot for the twin’s future. Damn my interconnecting and attempting to avoid spoilers at the same time. 

That being said, this chapter actually gives some extra information about ‘Answers’, Nelly and Elli’s finished story. It’s _beginning_ to get in to the darker aspects but it’s going nicely toward the downward spiral I so love. To be honest, I can have like…four chapters of this released but I have to add the Koji parts and I’m hoping by next chapter it’ll start getting more meshed. Soon the future will start overcoming the past and yea, I’m getting ahead of myself. 

**THE SMUT IS BOUNTIFUL. Tread softly.** If you follow me on FF.net you know I’m editing and putting the series back up slowly…I honest to God can’t say if this one can do that… 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_“You’ve given up.”_

_Yamada was cleaning the windows in the Bryant Clinic, dazedly trying to get all the fog off of the glass. He’d been finding all the menial labor he could to avoid Dr. Souma coming to get him to do anything medically related. There was no use._

_Except the man was giving him a hard look, his arms crossed over his coat. Souma told him his history, how he dropped out and hitchhiked across the country until he found his calling. Souma may have had a closer background to him than…her…but he had a foundation. Yamada had a chasm. Some people had tried to throw him a rope but some people cut that rope to pieces._

_“Yamada, c’mon, let’s talk” Souma said, grabbing his shoulder._

_Why? What for? Yamada was prepared to tell him he had other things to do to maintain this already well-maintained place. No, Souma took him to his office and had him sit. “You’ve been acting very strangely, Yamada. You’re exhausted, you’re smoking like a chimney, and you’ve just been in a cloud.”_

_Yamada started working at a gas station from six to twelve over the last few weeks. The money was laughable at best but the next time Shin shorted Hisakawa, he’d be ready. It had already happened once and Shin was surprised. “Dude, have you finally taken it up too?!”_

_“Something like that.”_

_F—king idiot. He was so excited that Yamada finally was going the ‘easy route’ which meant him working two jobs to keep the bastard from getting his head cut off. That confused Shin, of course, questioning why he was even working still since he’d be making ‘so much money’ dealing. By this point, Yamada almost believed him. He was already one foot into the nonsense. Might as well give up._

_Souma Bryant scowled, leaning forward. “Tell me, Yamada: what’s going on?”_

_“You a priest now, doc?” Yamada said dryly._

_“I can be” Souma said solemnly._

_…Whatever. “I have a friend who’s in trouble. He’s doing something he shouldn’t be doing and I have to cover for him. This…this was enough before I was covering for him. Enough for me to go to school too. But not now. Now I’m back to making ends meet and being a doctor was a stupid dream I had for a few months.”_

_Leaning back, the doctor crossed his arms. “…Is this friend that Shin fellow that seems to get into a lot of trouble?”_

_Yamada simply grimaced. She…she probably told him. “Yamada, I’m going to sound like a real old man asking this but why would you be worried about someone like that? Someone that gets you in trouble and can crush a tangible goal because you have to protect him from his mistakes?”_

_Why, what a great question. Yamada closed his eyes and sighed gravely. “…I told you I had to drop out of school to help my mom support us. I…I got a job at that mechanic and then I had a second job working at Shin’s dad’s bar.”_

_“…When you were twelve.”_

_“Eleven. Had to make ends meet, doctor.”_

_Souma lightly shook his head, “Go on.”_

_“Well, I was the dishwasher. Shin’s dad taught him the ropes since he was supposed to inherit the business. But that didn’t mean the guy didn’t give me more than what I deserved to, washing plates. He basically paid what you pay me. He said because I always kept Shin out of trouble. Even back then I was protecting him from bullies…”_

_Yamada remembered the beginning of the end. It had been horrifying and probably the one time his mother showed a hint of caring for him, recalling how she ran down to the bar when she got word. “Shin’s dad let drug deals happen there. It was ‘better’ business, he said. One night though, things went bad and two of the guys started shooting. Yamasaki-san tried to stop them and took three to the chest. By the time the ambulance showed up an hour later his body was cold.”_

_“An hour?” Souma gawked._

_“I’m from Wasaba.”_

_Souma made a face and rubbed his brow. “So…his dad was killed.”_

_Right, how did that make Yamada responsible for his son? “He didn’t die right away. Shin…Shin actually ran after the bastards that did it while I stayed by Yamasaki-san’s side. He…he told me to keep Shin safe. Asked me to. Shin…Shin was a weak kid back then and he knew it. He knew Shin had no motivations or goals but, simply, to survive.”_

_“A respectable goal” Souma murmured._

_“Yes…” Yamada conceded lightly, entwining his fingers, “But just surviving means you give up some part of yourself to simply pass life by. And you use whatever means and those means…those means aren’t always the best.”_

_Souma nodded, “I agree. And I suppose he felt you had more than that.”_

_“…Possibly. I thought Shin would keep the place in his family’s name so they could at least have the property to do some sort of operation but his mom sold it. They were actually rich by Wasaba standards for a while there. It was close enough on the outskirts to become swallowed by Subami. Some sort of multi-level cigar lounge now. Now it’s worth a lot and they used all that money on bull. Now Shin is working in the same business that killed his dad and thinks that’s the best way. That…stealing is the best way.”_

_He didn’t really owe anything to Shin in that manner. They argued like cats and dogs and frankly had different moral values. Was Yamada a saint? Not even close. But did he think some things were fundamentally wrong and wasteful? Yes. Shin…didn’t have that filter. Not for the right things. And he wanted to drag him down with him._

_Alas, all he could remember was Yamasaki’s shivering hand in his and telling Yamada that he had something different inside of him. He had, ironically, a mental foundation for great things. He…asked him to make sure his son found a foundation. Yea, thus far? Not going so well. Yamada’s mental foundation was crumbling into the chasm._

_Souma suddenly sighed heavily, rubbing his brow. “…You know I like you, Yamada.”_

_Great. He was going to lose his job. “Yes, sir.”_

_“I don’t want you to lose an opportunity becoming a father for someone your age, that is aware of the dangers in his life” Souma said sharply, “His own father was shot doing the same thing he’s doing. You can’t say he’s ignorant, Yamada. All you can say is he’s blind.”_

_…Yes. “Takano-san is going to be moving and getting married in two weeks, as you know. She takes care of the emergency appointment calls and medical records from 5 to 8. I can only offer what I was paying her: three thousand a week. No more, no less. You still get weekends and you don’t have to work two jobs.”_

_Ugh. “Souma, I can’t keep taking handouts--”_

_“You take what you want, Yamada” Souma interrupted brusquely, “A handout would be me paying your friend’s way for you. You’re working and using your hard earned coins toward a goal you feel you have to. I’m giving you an opportunity to do that here or keep doing whatever it is you’re doing. It’s up to you.”_

_Yamada watched as Souma started to walk out of the room, probably frustrated. He guessed he’d be frustrated too. “Doctor, I’ll…I’ll do it. The…the two weeks give me time to properly resign too.”_

_“Good. Now, one more question.”_

_He knew what this was too. “Sir?”_

_“What precisely happened with Kobayashi-san? I felt you had a little bit more confidence when she was around.”_

_“…Dana and I have two different stations in life, doctor. She’s going to move away from me and I…I have no reason to keep messing around, bringing her further into my hell. She’s…she’s better than me.”_

_Souma didn’t say anything to that. No, he always respected that the doctor didn’t sugarcoat anything. The truth was the truth. “Get on your coat and go check Kyoko-san’s vitals. She’s been quite upset her favorite nurse is just ‘washing windows’.”_

_Nurse. Yamada smiled vaguely, “Okay.”_

_…People kept throwing him a rope. And, despite knowing it was a useless battle, he…he kept catching on. But why not? What…she said was true:_

_He created his own obstacles. Those people cutting his rope? Those were the people standing on the bottom with him. And he stood beside them._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

Never. Never could he say he legitimately hated his family. Not at really any point. Maybe his broody adolescence but even looking back now he recognized he had issues. They all had issues but something was seriously wrong with him. Even then, he couldn’t say ‘I hate their guts’ truly. His parents had given him everything and his siblings meant the world to him. 

So, needless to say, when Yagami Koji really had the brief thought ‘I hate my family’, he really had to reflect on that. For the reason he thought this thought was he had to turn to a person not of his family. No, there was no ‘need’, really, but more of a ‘principle’. It was the principle of the matter that for over two months he was left in the shadows about everything. His stepfather, why he couldn’t remember his stepfather, or why his whole entirely family was _following him_. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. And now they were starting to hound him not to leave his house and he was going to kill someone, that was the simple of it. So, left trapped in his house by the secretive assholes that were his parents, he was forced to realize he had one resource for information. He could get it, he really could, but the fact was he despised him. Despised. They had a level of rivalry that no sports team or superhero could ever surmise. But when Koji digested that he was his only option, well, he kind of hated his family. 

Hideyoshi Mark was smoking a cigar as they sat inside a club that Koji chose so Popuri could dance and have a good time. By and large, she was starting to get stressed out by this nonsense too and that’s when this got to be unacceptable. Fine, torture _him_ with secrets but don’t let it hurt his Po. He’d go to his enemy before he let anything hurt her. 

His…what, in-law? However the hell they were related now that Koji’s daughter married Mark’s son with, _somehow_ , his blessing, looked around with contempt. “About the speed I’d expect you to have, Yagami. No class whatsoever.”  
  
Koji exhaled from his black cigarette, tapping the ashes in a tray, before retorting sarcastically, “Unlike you Wensington High boys, we Subami kids know how to have a good time without a stick up our ass while sipping tea and nibbling croquettes.”  
  
Mark gave him a dark look. Frankly, Koji couldn’t care less. He had friends from Wensington growing up. Alas, it mattered to everyone else in some regard. It all used to be Subami before the old money needed to differentiate themselves so they started to call their parts ‘Wensington’. That was another difference: Mark’s family was ‘old money’, like his mother. However, his mother left her old money family and went into new money standing with his dad. It didn’t even really matter but to those with riches it made up the world. 

“I assure you, we had a good time but it wasn’t in…rank places like this.” 

“Blah, blah, blah” Koji said irritably, “I didn’t ask you to come here and tell me about where I hang out, bastard, I need you to tell me what you know.”  
  
Taking a sip of his bourbon, Mark fell silent, the dim of music and flashing lights making him seem overdramatic. Koji glared, about to tell him to ‘quit it’ when the blond finally remarked, “The Kamaishi are drug lords.” 

“No s—t, Sherlock” Koji leered, “How else did you make money in the seventies and eighties?”  
  
Mark held up his hands, “Fair enough, fair enough. Just not sure how much I needed to play connect the dots with.”  
  
“Well, that’s also fair” Koji relented sullenly. Hell, they might as well start from scratch, he knew diddly squat. 

“…I think I remember it being said they were in ‘pharmaceuticals’ but, yea, drug lords” Koji replied, “So is that why Kamaishi Domo is in prison?”  
  
Leaning back in the chair, Mark’s brow furrowed, “…That’s why you caught my attention, Yagami. With my extensive network, I should be able to find what the man ate for breakfast February 12th of 1980. A date I want you to recall for later, mind. However, I have to say, much like you, this is like a black hole in the timeline. It’s as if these people existed, stopped, and then now they exist again. I don’t like anomalies like that.”  
  
F—k. Neither did he. About to demand why Mark called him out here if he had nothing, he frowned. Wait, February 12th? “So…is the information you do have attached to that date?”  
  
“Faintly. I just think it’s interesting.” 

“The hell, Hideyoshi? I’m not playing fun facts here” Koji grunted. 

Nevertheless, the man slid a piece of paper across the table to him, a copy of an old newspaper clipping. Puffing on his cigarette, he scanned the article. “…69 dead in one of Hondo’s most heinous crimes to date. Drugs thought to be involved. Mass shooting…” 

“See the eye witness?”  
  
What? Koji read it over carefully before pausing, staring at the name. “…Oh. That could be anyone, they have the wrong kanji.”  
  
“Um, excuse me? Your father has two last names as his name, that is him” Mark said sarcastically. 

Koji gave him a disparaging look before having to frown, “…I find it very hard to believe _my_ dad was involved in a drug shooting, Hideyoshi. It’s like a Care Bear at an orgy, dude.”  
  
“Well, recall yourself at nineteen, Yagami. Would you be still be having raves and house parties now?” 

… “Are you really suggesting my dad was involved in drugs and somehow is involved with Kamaishi Domo’s drug ring?”  
  
“Nope. Does ‘Shin’ ring a bell?”  
  
“My brother?” 

“ _No_.”  
  
…Oh. Koji stippled his fingers after setting his cigarette down, confused. “…I’ll give you this: it fits together somehow but as of right now they’re just a bunch of different colored puzzle pieces.”  
  
“Indeed” Mark agreed, “The things of note are that this man was your mother’s husband at one time. He was powerful and, in his fall, your mother married your father—now, this is going to be a very poignant and sensitive question but I need it for a point. Are--” 

“ _Yes._ All six of us are my father’s children.”  
  
Mark looked surprised. Koji wasn’t sure if he could even muster anger anymore. “You’d be surprised how much I still get asked that to this day.”  
  
“No offense but it is a little questionable how your mother became pregnant two more times in the midst of being married to an isolated drug boss” Mark added. 

…Yea. “I guess my parents were resourceful.”  
  
“That level resourceful, _they_ should have been the crime lords. Anyway, my point is, this is a very strong family and I find it unlikely that your father and Kamaishi’s fall aren’t somehow interconnected. Bear in mind, this family is powerful. They can bend wills and corrupt an entire system, no problem. So, again, _no offense_ , your father being a new money, up from Wasaba, doctor impregnating a yakuza’s wife, especially an old money yakuza family? Something’s very off for them to have actually imprisoned him. Or to have enough people safely decide to imprison him.” 

Koji digested that. “…So, to reiterate, whatever reason Kamaishi Domo is in jail, it’s not likely just the drugs. But, benefit of the doubt, it was the mid-80s. Maybe Japan said enough is enough.”  
  
Mark laughed shortly, “You Subami High boys didn’t have drug dealers in your midst in the 90s, Yagami?”  
  
S—t. It was true. While the 70s and 80s was the mecca of drug use, the 90s was the straggler. Tapping his cheek, Koji pursed his lips. “…I’ll bite, Hideyoshi. They are connected.”  
  
“Even I’m curious as to how” Mark sighed gravely, “…Far be it from me to share your opinion but I’m also a little disgruntled that this is just a missing chapter in Japan’s history. How much more are they able to delete with the wave of a hand, huh?”  
  
Yea. Koji smiled when Popuri walked over, drinking one of her fruity drinks. “Ko-chan, come dance with me.”  
  
Mark frowned, glancing at them. “I’ll keep working on it, Yagami. One final tidbit I have is there’s a resurgence. More drug activity has been occurring since Kamaishi’s release.”  
  
SERIOUSLY? Koji almost gawked. “…How do you get out of prison after _all this time_ and go _right_ back to what you were doing which probably helped land you in prison for _all this time_?”  
  
“I’d like to think the more successful of us know when crime doesn’t pay.”  
  
Koji snorted. Right, ‘when’ was necessary right there because, for some, it most certainly _did_ pay. So perhaps that was it. The guy was probably still running things from prison and now Koji’s family is concerned what they would do. 

…But _why couldn’t he remember?_ Any of it? And why _just him_? They were all in danger…right? 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

She was born last. Maybe even inconveniently. Things were always planned in the Kobayashi home but a third daughter? That was an inconvenience. They had two daughters, they needed two sons. No, they got a third female. Inconvenient. 

So her life was full of tutors and ayahs. Her siblings were off in their own world of fancies and socialites. She realized at a young age that she was mostly left to herself. She accepted that, to an extent. People had proven rather unreliable in her life. Her parents, her siblings, Hachiko. They weren’t dependable so she was better off. 

Dana peeked into the Bryant Clinic, biting her lip as she looked around. The sun was just starting to set and she had been aimlessly wandering. She went to the fabric shop, she went by the diner, the garage…and now here she was. 

Walking through, hugging herself, a part of her told herself to go home and study. There was nothing else to do. She couldn’t sew anymore. She couldn’t really go out and see friends. Perhaps Harumi though she was preoccupied with some boy she met. She’d been okay with that. 

“Ayy…you were hungry, werent’cha?” 

Her heart skipped and she quickly hid behind a corner to regain her composure. No, no, why was she here? Why’d she come here when she was okay…? 

Swallowing, Dana peered around the corner and was a little surprised by what he was doing. The surly Yagami Yamada was walking back and forth up the hallway, holding a baby. It was so tiny in his arms…and he had that sweet smile she only saw in passing glimpses when they were alone. Together. 

Currently he was feeding the baby a bottle and even from there Dana could see the way it was looking up at Yamada. “You’re such a good girl. You got some ol’ weirdo holding you and you haven’t cried a bit. Guess ‘cause I’m giving you milk, huh? Can’t be too bad.” 

...The Kamaishi Family, they were surprisingly lax about the idea of children. They had plenty of children to carry on the name, after all. When she found that out recently, she found herself relieved. A child with Kamaishi Domo would have been horrendous… 

…Yamada probably would be a good papa. 

Dana squeaked when she ended up backing into something and making a noise. Of course Yamada looked up and his crystal blue eyes widened. “E-Eh? Dana?” 

Great. Just great. “U-Um, hi!” 

“Are…are you not feeling well?” 

That would be the logical reason she’d be in a clinic, wouldn’t it? No, this was purely illogical and irrational and she shouldn’t have been here. “U-Um, well…” 

The door nearby opened and a middle-aged woman exited with Doctor Souma. She looked delighted, “Oh, thank you, Yagami-san, for holding Ayako! She’s usually a good baby but I wasn’t sure how she’d feel about a stranger.” 

Yamada smiled, nodding, “Absolutely no issue, Sagawa-san. She was great. And she ate a good half of her bottle so she may not be hungry later.” 

“Oh, good” Sagawa-san cooed, taking her daughter, “Thank you both!” 

Souma smiled, “Make sure to take care of your back, Sagawa-san. All that sewing standing up--” 

She laughed heartily, “Don’t you worry about that! I will definitely be sitting for a little while now!” 

The doctor groaned. “A little while…oh! Kobayashi-san, is everything okay?” 

“A-Ah, yes” Dana blurted. Oh no, it came back to why she was here… 

Souma’s eyes brightened. Oh no. “Oh, well, let me take Sagawa-san to her car.” 

Also known as ‘let me give you two some privacy’. Yamada also made a face but didn’t say anything as the doctor rushed away with his patient. Dana rubbed her arm and smiled awkwardly, “S-So, how have you been?” 

“Good…you?” 

“A-All right. Have-have you taken your test yet?” 

The blond made _another_ face and rolled his eyes around. What! “Yamada, why haven’t you taken your test yet?!” 

“It’s a long story, Dana. I just really haven’t had much free time to go sign up. I have been studying and I do still have your cash for it, I just…I dunno.” 

He was _hiding_. “Let’s go sign up now! I know the government building doesn’t close until six!” 

“Dana…” 

While that wasn’t even her intention, she managed to coax him into going to the office to sign up for his high school exam. He could pass and she knew it! Yamada kept muttering that it wasn’t a good idea and ‘he should wait’ but…but why? Why give up his opportunities, his skills? He… 

He had a chance. 

When they arrived, the clerk behind the counter stared at them drolly, especially Yamada. He questioned their reason for being there and Yamada murmured he’d like to take the exam so he could enter college. Whoever he was didn’t look very pleased for some reason but took out a paper. “Full official name?” 

“Yagami Daniel Yamada.” 

…What? Dana stared at him, confused, and the clerk’s brows furrowed. “Daniel? Spell it in katakana.” 

What was Daniel even there for? Why did Yamada have two or three names? The man filled out the rest of the information before informing Yamada of the fees. He indeed pulled the same wad of bills she gave him out of his pocket. “The test is in three weeks on Saturday at 9 am. Bring several pencils and scratch paper. Ganbatte kudasai.” 

Yamada bowed and took the copy of his information, appearing somewhat ill. “…I’m really going to try this.” 

“You’ll be fine” Dana insisted once more. “…Can I ask you something?” 

“Sure.” 

“‘Daniel’? You have two names?” 

He groaned, rubbing his temple, “In America, they give their children a middle name for some reason. My mom thought it’d be an interesting way of passing the tradition on to me somehow. It’s pretty useless.” 

Yea, why? But… “I kind of like it. Daniel.” 

“I think it’s pretty weird” Yamada snorted, reaching into his pocket presumably for a cigarette. 

Dana leered as he indeed stuck one of the white sticks in his mouth and lit up. “As weird as you smoking grass for no reason?” 

He smirked at her, taking a draw, “I know you don’t like it but I’ve cut back, I swear. This is my second one of the day.” 

Ugh, cut it all out. Glancing away to prevent herself from becoming ‘the nagging girlfriend’, she stared at the shops. It was December and the Christmas holiday was starting to get more and more popular. Her family celebrated it for appearances by going to their constituent’s parties but at home it wasn’t even…well, real. She heard it was a romantic holiday, Harumi gushing that her and her boyfriend were going to go to a hotel for dinner and sex. That…was romantic, she supposed. 

…And water under the bridge. Yamada exhaled a billow of smoke, also looking in the directions of the shops. He probably thought it was a waste of money and effort, her ever frugal…ex. She had an _ex_. An ex she was currently still skulking around like she hadn’t mutually agreed to end it! 

Just as she was about to excuse and go to rebuke herself, Yamada murmured, “Mom rather liked Christmas. It was cool when I was younger but when I got old enough for her to spend it with her boyfriends, it just kind of went to s—t. I’d like to spend it with someone again.” 

Ah, her weak heart again, it was racing. Folding her hands before her, she mumbled, “I-I haven’t ever celebrated before. I heard it was just about sex.” 

Yamada snickered, “Not always.” 

It’d been three weeks since they broke up. It was unacceptable for them to just start hanging out again and especially during a romantic holiday. There was a mutual agreement. “Well…just let me know, I guess. I mean, you’re probably scared senseless after that stupid shooting to come back to Wasaba but I’m probably going to get a cake and a small tree to decorate. Nothing fancy.” 

…She realized at a young age that she was probably better off to herself. People weren’t dependable and she could keep to herself better than deal with others. 

Since she met Yamada, she wondered was that really true. 

Dana loved everything about their time together, from low lit diners to cheesy movies. Spending a day pursuing individual interests in the library in silence or just sitting and listening to the radio on a rainy day. Before the party dissolved, even that was entertaining between the two of them. This…this was a person she felt attracted to the bond. She went looking for him even though she thought it’d be best to end it, when the stakes suddenly seemed too high. 

But had they been high enough to lose him so soon? 

It was…it was still just for fun. At the end of the day she was expected to be someone else’s wife, someone she rather despised, really. Didn’t that mean she should enjoy the time with the one person that made her think she wasn’t always meant to be alone? 

“I-I’ll come. I-I want to enjoy Christmas with you.” 

“Neat.” 

And he walked her home despite her being the one that dragged him off course. Or really, back on course, but at least away from the path he always went. He stared into her neighborhood absently before saying softly: “See ya’.” 

“B-Bye. Thank you for walking me home. A-And I’ll see you in a few days for Christmas!” 

“Nn.” 

So broody. What was he seeing when he looked into this community? Greed? Excess? Waste? Why did these people live so above their needs when he had to drop out of school to survive? What…what did he think when someone bred from such a place wanted to hang around him? Be his ‘sidekick’? Did he think she was just…playing around? 

He…he thought he was lesser than her when all he’d done in the year they’d known each other was more than one person in this society had ever done to make her feel happy. With all the avarice and wealth and riches, him simply being there when she’d accepted her own solitude was enough. 

She thought she was used to being alone. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_“I’m leaving, Yama.”_

_Yagami Yamada wearily sat on the corner with Mariko. She looked a little green but he wondered if that had something to do with what that bastard Soseki told her._

_Mariko was curled up in his coat, having caught up with him on his way back from work wearing just a shirt and some shorts. All he wanted to do was go home and go to bed before getting up to study. But she looked like she needed someone to talk to, near tears and not at all the girl he was used to. Mariko and he had been friends since they were eleven. They didn’t hang around much anymore unless they messed around though. She wanted Soseki._

_Her brown eyes were sad as she sat beside him on the cold cement, staring out into the dark streets. The thing about Mariko was, while she’d dealt drugs like Shin, mostly marijuana, she’d gotten over that and started working like he did. But that’s not what she wanted. She wanted to be Soseki’s wife._

_It wasn’t progressive or whatever but it was what she desired. Problem was? That wasn’t what Soseki wanted._

_And that probably would have been fine. Upsetting, discouraging, disappointing, sure. But he went a step further and told her when she asked recently: ‘You’re stuck in Wasaba and you’ve never wanted anything else. I don’t think we fit together’._

_That was, essentially, saying that he was better than her for getting out of Wasaba. Yea, Soseki was pretty damn impressive going through high school and getting into college but that was the privilege of having parents that could afford such. Mariko’s poor mom, Ellen, why, she woke up every day to go over to Subami from 4 am to 6 pm to bake and cook at a fancy restaurant. Just to make ends meet. ‘You’re stuck in Wasaba. And, while we don’t ‘fit’, I will shag with you in my free time since you’re willing and available’. What a prick._

_So what was this ‘I’m leaving’ s—t? “To go where, Mari?”_

_“Dunno. Maybe I’ll hitchhike across the country. Maybe I’ll go swim to another island. Who cares?”_

_“I care” Yamada remarked, “Don’t go throwing away your life for that son of a bitch. Pompous jackass.”_

_Mariko was quiet for a moment before smiling wistfully. “I’m surrounded with people with purpose. The love of my life? He’s going to write and tell people about the world and what’s in it. My good ol’ f—k buddy? He’s gonna be a doctor.”_

_Yamada snorted, starting to light a cigarette. “Still a pipe dream, Mariko.”_

_“A pipe dream? You’re smart as s—t, Yamada, you don’t belong with the s—t people here either. You’re better than us.”_

_The f—k. “Don’t even say bulls—t like that, Mariko. We’re from the same place, I’ve gone to the same school as you, I’ve worked the same as you--”_

_“And you can do better” she said, pinning him with a hard look, “You will do so much better than Shin, than Tep, Jum, Roller. You will find some pretty ass wife that doesn’t sleep with you just because they’re high and horny and you will have the best life. And that’s what Soseki meant. And he’s right.”_

_“Mariko…”_

_“Not a bit of potential! Not one single bit, Yamada. What is there for me to do? What is my purpose? What’s the point when our only purpose in Wasaba is to die young dealing for the f—kers that make money off our blood? What is there for me?”_

_Yamada was a little…speechless. Not because any of it were true, just…he didn’t know what to say when someone sounded this defeated. Mariko cared for people. She could…she could be a nurse or something. Maybe Souma would let her be a nurse. “Mari--”_

_“I’m going to escape the stupid way, Yamada, because that’s what I am: stupid. You escape the smart way, okay? You get out of here on your own two feet because you’re the smartest guy I know, got it? You’re not Hamasaki Shin, you don’t take shortcuts. You take the long hard path because you know it works. I’m…I’m gonna do something and it can’t be here.”_

_He quietly accepted her kiss, wondering if he were ever going to see her again. That was the thing about Mariko, once she was resolved, not even a loaded gun to her head would change her mind. “…Don’t listen to what he has to say, Mariko. You are important and you are capable of finding your meaning in life. If you have to find it outside of here, you know I’ll support you.”_

_Shin seemed like an afterthought, all he could pray was the jerk hadn’t shaved much this week, as he pulled out the allotment he usually gave Hisakawa and placed it in her hands. She was reluctant. “Yamada, you work hard for coins--”_

_“And I’m not letting you go empty handed” he scowled, “Just…be careful. The world is an ugly place and I want you to be safe and happy.”_

_“We’ll see…”_

_She went back to her apartment and he followed just to see her off properly. She came out with a bag and sighed, having written a note to her mother that apparently left her misty-eyed. Yamada couldn’t help notice she was a little…pale. “Are you sure you’re not sick, Mari? We can go to a doctor before you go.”_

_“Already been” she shrugged._

_To a s—t Wasaba doctor who hadn’t even seen the inside of a medical school. Alas, they walked quietly up the streets and to the bus station. She was going to Kyoto, a cheap trip since no one was on the bus as was and they were trying to sell tickets._

_He walked her to the door, a little ill that so much was going down right now. She was leaving and here he was working himself to the bone to keep Shin alive. He was exhausted trying to reach his supposed potential. Just…_

_“Yama.”_

_Looking up, Mariko was on the threshold and smiled at him. “She’s from the rich bitch clique and I dunno why she’d withhold sex from you knowing you’re a good lay but you looked more at peace when she was around. She was good for you.”_

_Really? “…I’m not good enough for her. By you leaving, aren’t you saying you don’t think you’re good enough for Soseki?”_

_“No” she answered at ease, “I’m leaving because Soseki was my goal at life and that’s a lot to ask of someone, isn’t it? In the end he was an objective and what have I done for me?”_

_Yamada’s eyes widened as she shook her head. “…She saw the potential in you, something even we made fun of you for, and…and that’s different. That’s entirely different.”_

_The bus driver gave her a look and she smiled, “Gotta go. Still got the picture from that stupid party of Jum’s of us. I’ll show people what a bad boy you used to be when you’re a ritzy doctor.”_

_Yamada smiled wistfully. “Yea.”_

_He watched her until the bus was out of sight. A weird part of himself asked if that had been Dana would he even be slightly this calm. Mariko had been his friend for the last seven years and he just let her…go. He knew he’d never been in love with her or even…romantic like or something. No, he just…let his friend go to find her way._

_Walking back to his apartment, not sure how he was going to break this to the others casually, he wondered. What did she mean? The only difference between her and Soseki and him and Dana was he was the poor one saying he wasn’t good enough. Dana never said that. He…he sort of understood what she meant saying Soseki was her goal. A person had their own goals and ambitions, to set someone as your goal was denying the person in question’s will. Soseki didn’t have to be such a f—king ass about it but it was a valid point._

_Wasn’t Dana trying to change him? A doctor, why, he could be a rich motherf—ker if he made it through. Then he’d be worthy enough to marry._

_Except…she’d not made one hint that was her end goal. She had a fiancé. Her motivating him…was just reminding him that he could do great things. He…wasn’t her goal. She wanted him to find his. And…maybe in Soseki’s backward way that was motivation to Mariko. Bastard would be sick when he found out she was gone then._

_Dana…Dana would be gone one day too. He’d felt legitimately sick after their breakup, even when Souma gave him that nice after-hour job. It just…felt like she could still be there. Maybe not kissing or trying to not shag with each other but as his friend like before. They were going to spend Christmas Eve together NOT having sex so it was possible._

_…Okay._

Dana was wary walking back into Wasaba after the month they’d been separated. It was still the same as it’d always been, just she’d never even featured a gunshot before. It was unnerving to say the least. 

Yet here she was again. 

Going up the streets, a little relieved to see the faces of people she knew via Yamada, she held the bag tight to her chest. She’d went to the library and read about American Christmases. Presents. In the end she hadn’t gotten Yamada anything near as special as her bracelet for his birthday, just money she’d gambled for. Sure he got to take his test soon because of it but… 

She went up the familiar flight of steps and despite the act of violence that occurred here it felt so comfortable. She…she missed this. She missed… 

“Oi, why do you have a ton of s—t?” 

Dana leered at Yagami Yamada, a cigarette hanging out of his mouth as usual. ‘The holiday spirit was thick in this one’, she thought sarcastically. Alas, he had thrown her a bit, wearing a white fisherman sweater instead of his standard white t-shirts with one of his not ripped pair of jeans. Such a handsome boy… 

Flustering briefly, she huffed as she entered and took off her loafers. “Christmas tradition says I get presents.” 

“Oi.” 

Oh…perhaps he was concerned and hadn’t gotten her anything. Not that he had to. “I mean, I wanted to give you some presents. It’s not a big deal if you didn’t get me anything.” 

He didn’t say anything to that, just taking a drag. “I made stew for dinner. I think it’s pretty tasty.” 

Ah, her cooking…ex. “I can’t wait.” 

“For now, let’s decorate the tree.” 

Eh? Dana eyes widened at the tree that reached Yamada’s knee and was sitting on a wooden base. It appeared to have a strand of lights around it. Yamada had what appeared to be a hat box of…bulbs? He sat in front of it and patted the floor beside him. O-Oh. Sitting beside him, she watched as he hooked the colorful circles to the tree. How bewildering. 

As weird as it was though, she couldn’t help smile as they quietly decorated and listened to the radio. It…it felt good to be here again. A fire would have made this perfect and cozy… Yamada nodded. “I agree. I got a kotatsu from Souma though. Said his mom sends him two every year.” 

“Ah! I’ve never gotten to sit under one before!” 

“It’s been a while for me” Yamada admitted before leaning back and observing their work. “Good.” 

He wrapped a small red piece of cloth around the bottom and gave her some sort of cardboard star, telling her to put it on top. It looked darling. “You can set your presents under it if you want while I make our plates.” 

“O-Oh, okay.” 

Dana was a little perplexed with this task, rearranging the four boxes at least five times in some way to make it look neater. “Oi, kid, we’re going to be unwrapping them, right? Come eat.” 

Oh, right. Crawling over, she gasped, delighted, as he had the kotatsu over a table. Two steaming bowls of stew were sitting on the table with some small side dishes and… “It’s a light wine. Shouldn’t get _you_ drunk.” 

“Are you calling me an alcoholic?” Dana sulked. 

“I’m saying Shin said he gave you Stoli and orange juice and you weren’t even tipsy” he snorted, walking toward his room. “Go on and start without me, I’ll be right back.” 

Stoli?? About to question him more on this, she squealed. The kotatsu was so warm! Dana pressed her hands together and said happily ‘itedakimasu’. Now to see Yamada’s skills… 

Of course, delicious. Sipping it, pleased with the flavor, she smiled as Yamada returned and sat at the other corner near her. “It’s delicious.” 

“Thanks. I paid a good amount for the ingredients and I didn’t think that s—t mattered but I definitely can tell. When do you need to be back?” 

“Eh, well, my parents are out of the house so I told the others I’d be traveling with Harumi…” 

Yamada raised a brow, “What if they contact Harumi’s parents?” 

“Harumi actually has pretty bohemian parents. They kind of like that sense of rebellion for some reason and will cover. Harumi’s the only one I really know that’s ‘engaged’ but she’s not expected to marry them.” 

“Huh…” 

Dana looked to Yamada as he fell quiet. While she knew he still ‘partied’, he did seem far more tired looking than usual so maybe he ought to cut that out. “So what have you been up to?” 

“Hmm? Oh, just working” he responded, taking a drink of wine. 

That’s all? “…Well, I…work at Souma’s an extra four hours now for some extra cash. No biggy.” 

What?! “You work a twelve hour day?” she gawked, “Why?” 

The blond didn’t respond right away before sighing gravely, “I…need to take care of someone for a little bit. I’m still studying and I still ought to be able to take night and weekend courses when the Spring semester starts…should I pass anyway.” 

“That’s not an issue. But you’ll be exhausted” she glowered. 

He shrugged. Why? What did he need extra cash for? “You can tell me, Yamada. You know I can keep a secret!” 

“You won’t understand.” 

“Try me!” 

Yamada was silent for some minutes and she wondered if he was even going to bother. Alas, finally, he muttered, “Shin deals drugs. Cocaine. I’ve tried to get him several legal jobs but he just quits and returns to slinging coke. When you sell coke under a drug lord or yakuza, you’re required to give them a percentage of the sales. Shin has to give seventy percent of the income.” 

He sells drugs?! And… “…Seventy percent? He…he only gets thirty percent?” 

“Well…twenty. Ten percent goes to overhead or something. Even illicit businesses have their finances sorted.” 

Why? He was bringing home literally _nothing_ and it was wrong! Rubbing his forehead, Yamada shook his head, “…The dealers? They know better because they know their life is on the line but Shin thinks he’s sly but he’s really a f—king moron. He’s been shaving from Hisakawa. And…and the day he shot into my room, he reportedly was ‘trying to get my attention’ to inform me of the matter.” 

“…Gee, what happened to knocking on the door instead of shooting into the fifth floor?” Dana retorted sarcastically. What if Yamada just flinched the wrong way suddenly and it went through his chest?! 

Yamada just snorted. “We’re not dealing with intelligence here, Dana. Not that sort of intelligence, anyway, because he’s sure good at stacking money.” 

She was irritated. Why was Shin in this business to begin with? Surely he saw Yamada was making his way fine working legitimately. And wait. “What…what does this have to do with you?” 

“Shin can be _killed_ for this, Dana. I’m sure Hisakawa was just being ‘merciful’ because Shin does give him a fairly decent turnaround apparently and doesn’t _want_ him to die. But examples have to be made and he’s…he’s getting me to pay the difference.” 

Dana was almost speechless. Almost. “Yagami Yamada, you work properly almost every single day for your way and you mean to tell me you’re working extra for someone that is choosing a path where he doesn’t see even a fifty percent return by dealing drugs?” 

He bowed his head some before murmuring: “He’s my friend, Dana. And…it’s a story for another day but I feel responsible for him.” 

…Oh. Pursing her lips, she rapidly shook her head, “But…but a friend shouldn’t be putting this sort of pressure on you! You have to live your life, not live parts of his for him too! He’s not your child!” 

“He doesn’t know. He just thinks I’m dealing on the side.” 

When? When he got off after a twelve hour day to study until probably midnight and drag himself to bed? “I’m fine, Dana, really. It’s not the first time I’ve bailed him out of a situation like this and it probably won’t be the last. I’d do similar for anyone I consider a close friend, including you. The real blessing is you introduced me to a job where he’s willing to go the extra mile for me and is completely real about it. Souma was ready to bite me head off about it too.” 

Blushing some, she balled her fists in her lap under the kotatsu. “W-Well, you’re-you’re a good worker and I knew that. But…but I’d never ask anything like that of you.” 

“Well, you’re just responsible for a kid. Some of us don’t have that sort of home training” Yamada smirked, standing and taking their bowls, “Let me get the cake.” 

Just…why? Shin seemed like a nice enough guy. Maybe a little mischievous but…drug dealing? He was making money regardless off someone else’s unfortunate addiction? Didn’t he think that was wrong? 

Yamada returned with the cutest cake, white and shaped like a castle with strawberries and a furigana decoration saying ‘Merry Christmas’. He cut her a somewhat larger slice than his because, she supposed, all the smoking he’d done ruined his taste buds. He made a face when she mentioned it. “…I can’t afford to have cavities.” 

…Oh. “O-Oh, well--” 

“And cigs have made sweet things taste weird.” 

She smirked and shoved him as he snickered. He did that, she realized. He probably didn’t mean the follow-up remark he always made that verified what she said but always the former. He…he was probably just trying to make her feel less guilty when she didn’t understand. 

Setting the remainder of the cake in the refrigerator for his mother, Yamada wandered toward the tree. Oh yea, the presents! Excited to have him open hers, Dana yelped when she found five new presents sitting under there with hers in red matte paper. FIVE? “Y-Yamada, w-what’s going on?” 

“Come open your presents” he said simply, grabbing his cigarettes and taking one from the pack. 

But _five_?! “I know I was getting at you being all anal about the positioning of the gifts but…I would like you to work in descending order, if you don’t mind.” 

Five? Dana kneeled in front of him and nervously took the top one per his request. She’d only brought him four things and two of them…unwrapping it, she found a leather bound book inside with some colored pencils. Hmm? She opened the book and was startled to find a book of already drawn croquis, their bodies lighter than their heads to draw clothing on them. “Since I see you scribble the dresses I thought maybe you weren’t confident in the whole body thing.” 

What…? He’d noticed? “I-I’m not. T-Thank you.” 

Confused he was that perceptive, she set it aside and opened the next one. She felt her heart skip as she pulled out a black dress from… “ _Christian Dior_ , Yamada?” 

“Don’t get too happy. I went with some buddies to Shibuya last weekend and found that in this old vintage shop. The s—t’s already 25 years old but…I thought you might like it.” 

While modest enough even her mother shouldn’t find complaint, her mother would be against it somehow. It was that almost uniform style at the top and flared out at the bottom. It was magnificent. “I-I’m--” 

“Wait, open the other ones.” 

What _else_? Finding herself feeling more and more inadequate, she weakly grabbed the next box. In it were…a _red_ pair of pumps. “After I got it I realized you always have to wear monotone colors so…so I thought maybe since it was black it wouldn’t look so crazy if you had red heels? And…and when you were trying to measure your foot against mine, it…it looked like seven or so inches shorter than mine, so I kind of eyeballed it. Definitely make sure they fit.” 

… She grabbed the next box and inside was red lipstick. To match the shoes, presumably. And, finally, in the last box, was a bracelet just like her turquoise one he got for her birthday but coral. “Did I do okay? I dunno about that stuff, I was kind of just guessing and getting help from shop people and they just wanna make sales anyway, I think, but…I imagined it was good. I know you wanna dress up in fancy stuff like that since you like fashion but you can’t so I wanted to do that for you.” 

“…Yamada, I…I know we’re not together anymore…” 

She took his cigarette from him and set it in the ashtray he’d been using. His eyes widened in the brief flash she saw of them as she hugged and knocked him back. She even kissed him and he seemed confused. He wouldn’t understand as she whispered, resting her ear on his shoulder as she lied on top of him: “Thank you for listening to me.” 

Or noticing anything about her, really. If her parents were tasked with having to truly pick out something she loved they wouldn’t be able to to save their lives. Just little over a year together and Yamada could pinpoint so much. 

He absently rubbed her back, muttering she ought not be _that_ excited about clothes. “No kid likes getting clothes.” 

Dana giggled and sat up on her elbow, kissing him again. She…she missed that as well. 

“Dana…” Yamada murmured, turning his head after a minute. 

Oh…oh, right. “S-Sorry. I-I’m so grateful. Thank you so much for my presents, Yamada. U-Um, can-can I ask you out on a date after you clear your test so I can wear it?” 

He smiled some. “Sure.” 

Sitting up, Dana excitedly tried on the heels which fit perfectly. Yamada whistled lowly as she strutted around in them, taking his last draw. “Those are sexy. I’m not much of a leg guy but damn.” 

“You’re just a perv” she said simply before frowning, “…I’m…I’m not sure you’ll appreciate my presents at all.” 

Yamada raised a brow but absently grabbed one of the boxes, unwrapping the paper. “Oh, hey, you finished it.” 

The suit…looked nice. She’d even made him a vest to go under the jacket. She couldn’t help notice some of the stitches seemed crooked but to the untrained eye, it…it might not be so bad? “Still dunno where I’m wearing it but I guess I have a Dana original or something.” 

She snickered. “You’re silly.” 

The next one she _just_ finished and felt a bit more confident about. It was a black blazer she’d made after finding some beautiful buttons. She thought… “I-I thought you could wear that to your exam.” 

“Oh, I hadn’t thought about that” he murmured, standing to take off his sweater. 

Of course his nondescript shirt was on under that but he slipped the coat on. She was delighted it fit well. “I think it’ll look great with your button up shirt.” 

“Yea. Thank you.” 

Yamada carefully folded it back up and sighed, grabbing another present. She wondered what he was thinking…and what he would think of this next one because she was super torn on whether he’d think it was offensive. Indeed his face seemed quite puzzled as he stared at the package. “…What is this?” 

“W-Well, it’s a comforter set with sheets. I-I thought maybe you’d like some new ones.” 

“No s—t! Really?” 

While she would have expected that remark with some measured amount of derision and disgust since it almost seemed that she was judging his sheet situation, Yamada literally said it with the most excited tone she could fathom out of him. He, in fact, immediately went to his room and apparently started to make his bed. And it was weird she was excited about clothes. 

Yamada looked…thrilled once his task was done, his basically just mattress adorned with a blue checkered comforter and matching sheets. “This is awesome. I can’t wait to go to bed on not gnarled up sheets!” 

Dana bit her lip as she observed this…phenomenon. He was so weird and adorable sometimes. “W-Well, you have one more present but it won’t be as…exciting.” 

“Oh yea.” 

They returned to the main room and he sat back down to open his final gift. It was the one she truly wanted to give on his birthday but thought it was a little boring… his eyes grew at the leather bag with his initials monogrammed in the corner. “For you to carry your books when you go to school.” 

“…Dana, do you really think it’s possible? Don’t lie to me, I prefer realism. Do you honest to God think I can do it?” 

It seemed challenging but she didn’t doubt it for a second. “Yes.” 

Staring at her, he bowed his head, “…No one else thinks I can, Dana. Well…Mariko, but…” 

“And she’s right. We’re right. Your ‘friends’, for whatever reason, might not think so and even you don’t but you _can_ do this, Yamada” she insisted, grasping his hands, “I’m…unfortunately not the type to bother otherwise.” 

He chuckled slightly, “Well…that makes me feel a little better, actually, that you are wasting time on me.” 

“That’s not what I mean” she groaned. Though it did sound something like that. “People end up doing what they want anyway so why bother trying to change their mind? You…you just needed someone to have your back on it.” 

“…Yea.” 

Leaning back on his palms, Yamada stared at the ceiling before making a face. “Man, now I’m torn whether I wanna sleep on my new sheets or under the kotatsu.” 

Dana laughed, crawling toward the kotatsu, “Well, if it’s all the same to you, I’ve never slept under a kotatsu so I might just give that a try.” 

While she amusedly thought Yamada _would_ choose his new sheets, he shut off the lights, grabbed some pillows for them, and rested beside her. She stared at him as he appeared to immediately fall asleep, his face peaceful in the twilight. 

“Dana?” 

“Hmm…?” 

“Thank you…for spending time with me.” 

She watched as he truly fell asleep, his breathing audible as he seemed rather at peace while her chest hurt. She felt so sad. 

Curling against him, Dana went to sleep before she spent any time reflecting on her pain. She wouldn’t ever like the answer because this… 

…This felt like home. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_S—t, he was nervous._

_Yagami Yamada stared at himself in the mirror in the bathroom, having combed his generally messy bangs back and wearing the black coat Dana gave him over his white shirt with some khakis. Souma gave him a black tie too. He guessed he looked okay._

_Today. Today was the day. Either he just wasted Dana’s money or he was really starting on a long uncertain path. Both were crippling._

_Taking a hard breath, he stepped out to grab the leather jacket Dana also made him. Well…she definitely had his back with coats. He told Shin he had taken today off to go take his test and the guy was just bewildered. “You’re dealing, still working at that clinic, and you’re still going to bother going to try to go to school? What more do you want, man?”_

_That was actually a pretty practical question. He was living comfortably with the clinic job, even having to cut some of his check to Hisakawa for that dumbass Shin. This could be a perfectly good way to keep himself alive._

_Souma had given him a look when he suggested this. “Yamada, your potential calls for more than being my under-the-table nurse. I could get fined to pieces even letting you do half the stuff I let you do but that’s because I trust you. And I trust you’re going to do even better than me so stop shortcutting.”_

_…Not that he’d had one but Souma seriously felt like a father sometimes. He was hard as hell on him but not to break him. No, he just wanted Yamada to think past these boundaries he and everyone around him made._

_When he walked into the living room, his mother was sitting at the table, drinking a cup of coffee and looking at the paper. She looked up at him and looked bewildered. “What are you all dressed up for?”_

_“Interview. Should be good money if I get it.”_

_The woman raised a brow, “Well…good luck then.”_

_“Thanks.”_

_Ugh, he was not feeling confident at all, who was he kidding? He’d probably get to the door and just stare. He’d tried to stay up and cram a bunch of extra junk in his head last night but figured if he didn’t know it at this point there was no point trying. What…what if he failed?_

_The phone suddenly rang and that was confusing too. Who was even calling this early? Figuring it was one of his mother’s suitors, he went to answer. “Hello?”_

_“Yama.”_

_What? Holding the base by the back in his hands, he questioned: “Dana? How are you calling me? Shouldn’t you be in school?”_

_“I snuck out for a sec to call you. I’m on a payphone” she whispered._

_Why was she whispering then? Brows furrowing, Yamada couldn’t help smile some. “Uh, that’s cool.”_

_“Are you nervous?”_

_“Absurdly so.”_

_“Don’t be” she insisted softly, “I know you can do it. And you’re probably going to be in the exam with some snobby smart kids that are trying to skip the rest of high school and go to college but don’t be discouraged. You’re as smart as them if not smarter.”_

_“Mm hmm…”_

_Dana huffed, “Don’t patronize me, Yamada. I’m giving you a pep talk.”_

_While he wanted to say more, of course a more detailed conversation would disclose the true nature of his attire to his mother. “I understand, Dana, and I thank you. You want me to do this for me but…it feels better if I do it not to let you down.”_

_“Eh? Don’t be silly! You won’t let me down regardless of the outcome and this is for you, Yama. I-I just want the best for you, okay? And you’ve got this.”_

_…Sure. “Okay.”_

_“I should go before the cops find me. Ganbatte.”_

_“Thank you. Uh, Dana--…”_

_“Hmm?”_

_“…Nothing. Get going before I get you in trouble. Thank you for calling me.”_

_“Breathe! Good bye.”_

_“Bye.”_

_Hanging up, Yamada swallowed before nodding resolutely and grabbing his bag. “See you later, mom.”_

_“Bye” the woman yawned._

_He couldn’t even tell his own mother where he was really going because she’d tell him he was wasting his time. A majority of people save for two girls and a guy that had already made it were telling him he was wasting his time._

_Getting to the examination school, he pushed the door open and, indeed, just as Dana said, the room was packed with snooty sixteen-year-olds. There were a few twenty year olds and older but they just appeared nervous and nauseous. Yea, that was his crowd right there._

_One kid in particular that reminded him of Hisakawa declared before the nerved masses that he was going to score the highest and be number one on this exam. Who cared about that? As long as they passed who the s—t cared about rankings?_

_However, the apparent genius gave him a look without an ounce of provocation and smiled pompously. “Well…some of us should only hope to rank at all.”_

_Oh, right, he was an ignorant hafu._

_Yamada quietly took out his pencils and settled far in the back away from the group. He didn’t want any more attention but whoever jerkass was kept bringing it to him. ‘Guessed you were too incompetent for school, huh?’. ‘Maybe Americans would let you dress pretty for them, huh? That’s good money’._

_Some of the others laughed and it pissed him off to a light degree just because he heard it all the damn time from perfect strangers as today. No, that it riled him at all was this bastard wasn’t any older than him or any better than him. ‘You’ve got this’._

_Whoever was poised for some more snarky remarks but Yamada used all his ‘American’ rudeness to point boldly in his direction. The guy looked appalled and Yamada smiled. “You better reach the top before I do then, bitch.”_

_Everyone was stunned and he was glad the proctor came in. He’d have to swallow his bravado if he landed in the lower echelons of this test but whatever._

_…He had this._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

“Stop being so nervous.” 

Kobayashi Dana sat outside the examination building, blowing into her hands in the January weather, quite cold. Yagami Yamada had paced back and forth at least three miles in the last twenty minutes. A month later, today, they would finally announce the results and he was beyond antsy. 

Eyes narrowing at him, she grabbed his hand as he passed by her for the thousandth time and pulled him to sit beside her on the bench. Others were wandering about too but none of them were wearing tread marks into the ground. “Relax and come talk to me about where we’re going on our date.” 

“Dana-a-a” he actually _whined_ , burying his face between his knees, “I can’t handle _failure_. That’s why I don’t do things I can _fail_ at.” 

He was so unbearably cute sometimes, she couldn’t stand it. Rubbing his back, she glanced around. She’d noticed one fellow in particular kept sending looks in Yamada’s direction and snorting. What was that about? Why did everyone make enemies of him? 

Yamada sat up, his face red and his eyes bleary. “I can’t do it. I’m leaving.” 

“Will you stop being so pessimistic?” she demanded, grasping his hand, “I think I want to go for a dinner cruise. Doesn’t that sound fun?” 

The bland expression he gave her was just…so Yamada. At least he was feeling a little back to normal then. Her eyes widened when, finally, a man dressed in a black trench coat came out holding a piece of paper. People were crowding, in quite the panic as he calmly pinned the results to the board. Yamada was pale and she pulled him to go see. She just…prayed he was being overdramatic. She…she’d hurt so much to see him discouraged again. 

Giving him a gentle push to go up the stairs to view his results, Dana noticed that whoever the leery guy was had gone to another copy of the results and looked…horrified. Had he failed? ‘What the hell is this?’, she heard him mutter. Oh gosh, was it…harder than she understood? 

Yamada came back after some minutes, holding an envelope as the man that pinned the results had started calling the examinees name and, of course, Yamada’s name was almost dead last. Dana clenched her hands together hopefully as he had the mellowest expression. She’d do whatever it took to motivate him again if he _had_ failed but she knew… 

The cockiest smile crossed his face. “I dunno about this ‘dinner cruise’ but I’ll take you for a burger, yea?” 

She squealed, skipping up the step to hug his arm. “I knew it!!” 

He rested his arm around her waist as he walked back down with her, some people giving them incredulous looks. What?! Was PDA still that much of an issue?! However, Yamada gave a dark smile to the one guy. “Hey, guess my muddled hafu blood isn’t so bad, ay?” 

What? The guy was _seething_ though and Dana questioned Yamada as they walked toward their traditional diner. He didn’t answer but handed her the envelope when they sat down, taking off his coat. She carefully opened it and gawked. “…You ranked 2 out of 150?!” 

“S—t, that makes me mad too. I was so close to number one. Glad a girl got it though.” 

“Yama, if you rank in the top five they give you a scholarship! You can probably go to Tokyo or Kyoto!” 

Yamada scoffed, opening the menu, “I scored well, girly, but that doesn’t suddenly make me a rich man. I could live in a cardboard box on the side of the road in Tokyo or Kyoto. Nope, I will go to Hondo and I will be happy…after I pass _that_ examination, damn it.” 

Dana pouted but realized, once again, she was thinking far too limitlessly. It was true, while Subami was super expensive to live in, Tokyo was on a separate level all together. Plus he’d be too far from work and home… “Well, I’m so proud of you. You were so busy wigging out you were making me nervous but I knew you did it.” 

He blinked languidly at her, leaning against his elbow. Those eyes. They almost deserved a law against them, they were so pretty to look at. “So…how much exactly is this dinner cruise?” 

“Oh Yamada, I was kidding” Dana sighed, breaking her gaze to pretend to look at the menu. 

“No way” he glowered, “I’m taking you on a date to wear your outfit on like I told you I would. As…as long as it’s not thousands and thousands of coins.” 

Oh no. “Well, there’s also this gorgeous tower restaurant in a high rise about thirty minutes from here. That way it’ll be warm too. Maybe the dinner cruise can be when it’s warmer for my birthday or something.” 

While she expected him to get offended, Yamada just cringed. “Jeez, you’re right, I forgot we’d be freezing our asses off. Mmkay, fancy dinner in fancy pants high rise, dinner cruise for your sixteenth birthday…God, you’re such a kid.” 

She stuck out her tongue but shyly realized… “You’ll…you’ll still be willing to hang around with me that far?” 

Yamada raised a brow before seeming to recognize… “As long as you’ll have me, I’ll hang around, Dana.” 

Smiling, she nodded, “Okay.” 

Dana looked down and felt sick again. ‘As long as you’ll have me’ meant it would end one day. And…it would. Her…her engagement would turn to marriage very soon and… 

…No, Dana, don’t…don’t get wistful now. Enjoy these moments while you can. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_“Woah, where are you going?”_

_Hamasaki Shin was staring at him like he were some mystical creature, sitting on the back of his motorcycle wearing the red button down shirt he bought with the black tie and black blazer Dana made him. The material seemed a little different but he wore the vest from his suit too. He’d slicked his hair back and he guessed he looked snazzy. Souma had given him a long black trench coat too since he was going to be a big whig college student. Souma was pretty much his dad._

_Staring at the gloves on his hands that he bought himself with some extra money he had because Shin was a responsible human being for once in SOME form, Yamada sighed. “Taking Dana out on a date.”_

_“Wasn’t that a done deal though?”_

_Yamada shrugged some, “I told her I’d take her on a date after Christmas should I pass my test. I passed my test so we’re going on date.”_

_He was a little…surprised by the outcome of ranking so high? He had at least five schools requesting him to take their entrance exams for the Spring. Requesting? As in they were ASKING him to come to their school? Who did that?_

_For some stupid amount of days, he actually considered going to Tokyo or Kyoto. He could work and live in some s—thole, that’s what he was doing now anyway. His mother could downgrade to a one bedroom and be making enough. He could send some money back to her for food. It’d be great._

_Realistically though, looking in the paper for the average price of an apartment in the capital, he’d be back to working two jobs to accomplish…everything. Not to mention he’d be way too far away to keep an eye on Shin. And…well…_

_Shin gave him a look. When he told the gang he’d passed the test and ranked number 2, well, they congratulated him wholeheartedly. In a way he understood their previous pessimism because people that did say they were gonna get out? Well, they sure as hell didn’t. Anyone would be skeptical once they saw two dozen people before fail. But that he did, they were pretty ecstatic. ‘An old Wasaba boy ranked high on those fancy pant’s exam! Ha, I wish we saw their faces!’_

_Shin though, he’d been quiet and when everyone dispersed to get booze to ‘celebrate’ he pulled Yamada aside. “Man, Hisakawa has a certain amount he wants produced and getting into this whole school business sounds like it’ll be dangerous.”_

_The irony was nearly enough to murder Yamada, he was almost certain he stopped breathing for a minute. Shin had said something more after that but his brain had to recirculate the oxygen after having hearing something so homicidally stupid._

_“…Shin.” He could talk again._

_“What, dude? Look, I get it: you wanna do great things and impress Dana, fine. But you gotta be reasonable about this! You’re sinking your money into people talking more bulls—t in school when that time could be used making money. And you’re really wasting time with your job too! I dunno what you’re doing.”_

_Impress Dana. Maybe a little. But this was a lot of stress to impress someone who could never be with him. No… “You know at that test some punkass started talking all this s—t about me? Told me I was an ignorant hafu and I wouldn’t amount to anything. He said he was going to be first.”_

_Yamada had heard the guy’s name. Kata or something. He ranked about twelve. Out of 150 that was fantastic, in Yamada’s opinion, but after trying to humiliate him in front of the class and proclaiming his number one status? That was pretty sucky. That being said, that perfect stranger telling him in not so many words he’d be a failure and probably not rank at all? That it was a waste of his time?_

_“I don’t want to hear that from a friend.”_

_Shin briefly looked surprised but…uncertain. “A friend ought to tell you when they’re not sure if you’re on the right path.”_

_“You’re right” Yamada agreed, “And I’ve told you well over a thousand times I think you’re on the wrong path and how many times have you listened? I guess we’ll just have to see who’s right.”_

_Rolling his eyes, Shin shrugged then. “…Yea, guess that’s true.”_

_Shin couldn’t imagine the possibility that Yamada would enjoy school, having dropped out WAY early when the opportunity presented itself. He couldn’t fathom that yea, Yamada didn’t mind having more of his time eaten away by a long-term goal. And he knew what the punk was going to say now._

_“Don’t you think it’s a little…suspicious she’d start hanging out with you with all this ‘potential’ building?”_

_“Dana was hanging out with me when I was working in a greasy ass garage and I could take her to eat a burger every once in a while” Yamada scoffed harshly. It…was weird to him. Yea, her friends were kind of s—t and all but surely she could have made some more or not hung around him…_

_“Fair enough” Shin conceded, crossing his arms, “And she wanders into Wasaba of all places just to see YOU.”_

_Really. “So where is she?”_

_Yamada was itching for a cigarette but managed to fight the temptation since Dana would hate the smell. “She took over my room to get dressed. Had all sorts of s—t I’ve never seen to do her hair. Dunno why she’s bothering, it’ll get messed up under the helmet.”_

_“I can be cute for a second, right?”_

_Looking up, his eyes widened as Dana finally appeared. Hot damn._

_As he imagined, she was hot from the curly teased hair to the ruby red lipstick and ruby red shoes. Tep, Jum, and Roller were all dopy and Shin just kind of stared. Yea…he could dream for a few, he guessed. Dana smiled at the trio when she got closer, “Hi, guys!”_

_“Hey…” they said in mesmerized unison._

_“Waa, I wish that one guy with the Polaroid was here! We could take a picture to commemorate your success.”_

_Yamada smirked, “You mean your fancy designer outfit?”_

_She huffed but Jum actually ran off to go find ‘the photographer’. Man, they had reservations and he was a stickler for being on time. Shin stuffed his hands into the pocket of his jersey coat, blinking languidly at them. “Well, I’d love to see you two off…”_

_But there were coke deals to make on a Saturday. He was probably wondering why Yamada was ‘wasting’ time with Dana if he could be making solid drug money today. Call him stupid but he’d rather spend time with her than sell to strung-out craziness._

_However, Jum and the Photographer appeared. Yamada insisted she take some pictures alone before she begged to take one with him. Sighing, he stood and hugged her waist, smiling some. The Photographer once again remarked that they were such a ‘pretty’ couple. Yea, sure. “C’mon, kid, we need to get to the restaurant.”_

_“Okay. Bye, guys!”_

_Helping her climb on the back, Yamada waved over his shoulder and put the motorcycle in gear._

_...He did look back in time to see Shin giving this strange expression he’d never seen before. It seemed almost pained. What?_

“This was nice…but I think I like Nona’s burgers more.” 

Yagami Yamada gave Kobayashi Dana a wide smirk. The restaurant owner had thought they were a ‘most handsome couple’ and after Yamada paid their absurd bill, he requested they stay in the lounge and have some wine and dessert on the house. Didn’t think rich people did stuff like that. 

“I dunno, that steak was almost heaven.” 

“You should have let me pay my share” Dana pouted, playing with her hair. She must’ve used some magic for it to stay fixed all the way here. 

Yamada rolled his eyes, taking a sip of the red wine. It was kind of strong but, well, booze was booze. “I don’t think my mandate has changed since we started spending time together, Dana.” 

She just sighed, curled into his side. “I’d like to treat you too, you know?” 

“Treating me takes a little more than food.” 

Her turn to smirk, she gave him a kiss. Why…did she keep doing that? Did she forget they were having fun as friends? And why didn’t he stop her more? 

Suddenly she squeaked, grabbing a napkin, “Oh no, I forgot I was wearing lipstick and now you look like a clown!” 

Yamada snickered, hugging her waist as she wiped at his lips. “…I still want you, y’know? It really blows.” 

Making a face, Dana curled into his chest and was quiet. He looked out of the window at the sky, high rises lit like stars in the darkest of nights. It was pretty amazing but who was he kidding? He’d have to work almost slave labor to make up for this night. It was fun and the food was better than anything he’d ever eaten but… 

“…I guess I need to get you back. I do need to study for the Hondo exam too.” 

Dana smiled, “You’re confident this time, right?” 

“Mm, more or less…” 

Yea, while this one would probably be more difficult, looking over the college entrance exam material, he had literally been ‘iffy’ about one subject but with a little extra review it was cleared up. He was…excited. 

And he took her home to his apartment in the slums where she changed from glam princess to conservative princess before driving her home to her castle. Dana looked back through the gate before hugging his waist, “I had a good time tonight. Don’t…don’t be a stranger?” 

“You know where to find me” he yawned, petting her hair for a moment before pulling away. This…this still wasn’t his place. He still had no chance. 

“Okay.” 

Watching her disappear into the night, he cranked up his Harley he got via a customer who rather liked him and thought he ought to have a bit of ‘American heritage’. Yamada had been stunned by the very idea, that this guy was just rich enough to give him a _motorcycle._ He’d told him simply that when you had money, you had opportunity. And throwing a motorcycle here and there at the only ‘kid’ that could fix his beloved Celica? 

…Yamada glanced back into the mansion filled hill before his eyes narrowed. Yea. Opportunity. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

Yagami Yamada wandered into his home in Subami a little after midnight. He hadn’t meant to get that caught up at work but there were some very high risk surgeries taking place at his hospital. Doctor Matsushima, after all these years, was still quite a slave driver since he _knew_ Yamada could do it. It was flattering but, unfortunately, Yamada had other important matters to see to for the time being. At least the overtime, being he was retired and all, helped his case. 

Frowning, he looked into their giant living room and found it empty. She hadn’t _mentioned_ anything or any travel but… 

Wandering up the steps next, Yamada had to calm himself because he was starting to panic. He did see her car outside but that didn’t mean anything. Everything could be wrong. 

Alas, he couldn’t help smile when he entered their bedroom. Often he wondered what her adoring fans would think if they knew she went to sleep in a t-shirt and her panties and not some glorious nightwear. His darling wife was stretched out on her side, her lips lightly agape, a bowl of her absolute favorite snack of cheese puffs in front of her. Glancing at the floating apparatus, he wasn’t surprised to find the main menu for Project Runway repeats, her favorite series to jeer, complain, or gush over, depending on the talent. Yamada never got over how just…down to Earth she was about some things. 

He poured the bowl of snacks back into the nearby bag, knowing she’d be upset if they went stale, and folded it before replacing it in their mini-bar in the room. Going back to her side, he got her covered up and kissed her temple. “Good night.”  
  
She must’ve had to get up early today. Somehow she was the master of night owls while he was the early bird. If she was asleep at or before 12 he knew she’d had a long day. He had too but…he had to go work out a little. 

Running their track, listening to every motivational song he could find, Yamada pondered if they were overreacting. Yes, Domo was sending him these passive aggressive texts but by today’s standard that was just everyday life without despicable criminals. It violated the no contact restraining order, his dear, optimistic, justice-filled son would say, like that mattered. Alas, as…far as violations went, this was pretty mild. That’s what he couldn’t trust. Nothing about this monster had ever been mild and he had to be ready. 

Yamada groaned in agony with his fifth pull-up. He…was so old for this. Too old, really. If it weren’t for that serum, they wouldn’t even care, they’d be dead or on the precipice of death. He’d actually pondered if he wanted to be a part of the experiment initially and he was actually prepared to say ‘no’ when Dana turned up and said she had it. He…wasn’t going to do that to her. Not purposefully. 

He dragged himself back up the steps, a lot more painful than the first trip. Dana hadn’t stirred one bit. He quietly slipped into the shower and let the warm water drag over his quickly aching muscles. No…Domo would have taken it. He’d have _hoped_ Yamada hadn’t so he could see him dead or dying. No, he didn’t regret it that much from that perspective. He…still was a vindictive person. 

Exhausted, he climbed onto his side of the massive bed and checked his phone. Nothing tonight. Maybe he was out of cleverly guised threats. Despite it being almost two in the morning, he struggled to sleep anywhere past nine so he set his alarm clock and went to sleep. Tomorrow…would be a long day. 

God, the paranoia. When he woke up seven hours later and Dana was still fast asleep, he wondered if she’d been poisoned. The cheese puffs, he thought gravely. Leaning over her, he checked her pulse and breathing carefully. He snickered a little. Strong as an ox. His wife was just the Queen of Sleeping. 

Lying in bed, something relaxing he rarely partook in, he started reading on his tablet about newly discovered medical procedures and advancements. That was another amazing thing about being alive: he got to see how they surmounted so many illnesses and ailments. They were expected to cure the common cold in the upcoming decade. 

“Mm…?”  
  
He glanced to his side, his wife _finally_ stirring and staring at him sleepily with those dark eyes. She rubbed her face for a moment, flopping around onto her back for a moment before inching into his side, resting her cheek against his chest. “Wha’ are you doing here?”  
  
“Pardon?”  
  
“You dun’ lie in bed ‘thiz late…” she mumbled groggily. 

He smiled, stroking her hair with his free hand. “No, but I figured I’d keep you company today. You must’ve been tired, you were sleeping like a rock.” 

“Mm, Spring Fashion Week” she grumbled, “I’m taking a break today, I swear. So much damn work.”  
  
“You didn’t tell me your theme this year” he murmured. 

Dana sighed drearily, “‘Not Black’.”  
  
Yamada chuckled, swiping to the next page with his thumb, “That’s your theme _every_ year, Dana. You might want to shock people and do ‘All Black’ in the Fall.”  
  
“Oi, who’s the fashion designer here?” she yawned, finally moving to sit up on her haunches, “…I think I’m going to Milan to do some shopping. Via Montenapoleone.” 

Jesus take the wheel. Dana kissed his cheek before climbing over him out of bed, going to her armoire. “What are you going to do today?”  
  
“I told you, I want to spend the day with you…”  
  
“And I told you I was going shopping. _Shopping_.”  
  
“I…love shopping.”  
  
“You’re literally saying that through gritted teeth right now, Yama.”  
  
God, he _hated shopping_. Never had he wanted to spend eight to nine odd hours just picking out _clothes._ Dana even on several occasions spent that much time on _shoes_. He tried to sneak and get his clothes from bargain department stores when they married again but she would not have it. His shoes cost more money than he could even comprehend and he had shirts from these… _con artists_. He understood Dana’s craft costing some money, she pretty much handstitched yards and yards of expensive fabric into _art_. Why were button down shirts ten _thousand_ gold pieces? 

…But this wasn’t about _him_. It was about making sure his wife was safe and assessing what was going on around her. She wouldn’t notice the same things like he did because, for all purposes, she was carefree. He…was the worrisome one. 

Setting his tablet down, he miserably dragged himself out of bed and said with more gusto than he had, “I want to spend time with my wife and if she wants to shop, I will loyally follow.”  
  
Dana gave him a suspicious look. “If you say so.”  
  
He groaned as she went to take a shower, going through his closet. He chose a white button down shirt and khakis. His jeans were in the laundry… 

Checking his phone when he went downstairs, he felt his eyes narrow. ‘Do you know how it feels to be free, Yamada?’ sat on his screen from five this morning. The messages were starting to evolve. 

“For God’s sake, Yama, don’t I get you _exciting_ clothing and your go to _every_ time is khakis and a white shirt?”  
  
He groaned for probably the dozenth time since he got up this morning, glancing over his shoulder to see what she chose today. Ah, the leather dress with the inverted cloth siding and pantyhose. Well, she wore black sometimes. “Darling, the world of men’s clothing can’t be as interesting as the marvelous universe of women’s clothing.” 

She smirked at him, adjusting her purse on her shoulder, “You always have an excuse and a half, I swear.”  
  
“Well…” 

Of course, he wandered to the door to wear his nice broken in work loafers and that seemed to irritate his fashionista spouse even more. He was _comfortable_. She’d walk a mile in stilettos and be okay because…because. She was that sort of person, she could handle pain better than he could. 

Yamada frowned at that thought as he drove them to the airport. No, she was more used to it. She ought not have to ‘handle’ pain. At least, not all of it. She was playing with her phone, twirling her long brown hair around her fingers, “You know, _I_ don’t need protection. If anything, you should be sticking by Koji.”  
  
“Dana, Koji has done extremely well for himself but he is not _Yagada_. And most of the time he stays at home and does his work anyway. You ride your _bike_ to the store sometimes. I am ten times more afraid for you.”  
  
Dana shot him a look, “He can’t meet with Domo, Yamada. It’s too much of a risk.”  
  
…Possibly. “Well, last I saw him, he was not in a very delightful mood so I figure we ought to give him a break sometimes.”  
  
“Yes, he did get that broodiness from a certain someone” she droned, sending a text to someone. 

He sulked, under the impression his son’s fiery personality came from his mother. The broodiness _could_ have been him but he’d always tried to be somewhat positive for his children. Yea, there were pessimistic lapses in the road but the support was there. No…he figured his son’s darker side came from something more latent than his father’s former self. Or also latent. 

Dana drank a cup of tea as he gazed out of the window. The plane was pretty empty, being that it was a Thursday. He smiled and thanked one of the stewardess when she brought him a cup of coffee, on enough of a recognition basis to know that was his beverage of choice. 

The planes even moved fast now, making what was once a twelve hour flight into fifteen minutes. They even had to start giving coffee to go, there was no time to enjoy it if you didn’t drink it while everyone was boarding. Tipping the stewardess all the same for what may have been a dying job, Yamada groaned when they stepped off the plane in Italy. It was still early there at 3 in the morning but that gave Dana the chance to check on her shops there. After that? It begins. 

“Isn’t this gorgeous, Yamada?”  
  
Yagami Yamada tried to act…appropriately. Alas, he found himself rudely stretched across a chair and half-asleep after the third hour in Fendi. Or…whichever store this was. He lost track. He opened his eyes to tell his wife his opinion of what had caught her attention…and, well, it definitely caught his attention too. 

It was like a long sleeved, long…trench coat. If a trench coat opened wide enough to show off a wide amount of bosom and the bottom revealed a healthy amount of leg. She was looking at herself in the mirror with a pair of fancy heels on…like he’d even notice the shoes. “And…where precisely are you wearing that?”  
  
“Seriously?” she glowered at him. 

“I’m just wondering. I don’t know how often you’d make it out in that if I happened to see you first, if you know what I mean” he said casually, staring at his nails. 

Dana snickered, walking over to sit in front of him, “In your _dreams_ , pretty boy.”  
  
He smirked as she kissed his temple, skipping off to purchase this ensemble. Naturally he’d never tell Dana what to wear and, even more naturally, they didn’t really have that sort of…fun often. It was still wonderful, of course, it just wasn’t high on their priorities. Or he guessed ‘hers’, he wouldn’t mind if it climbed the ladder a bit but, as was, he wasn’t going to lose his mind. 

When she returned, having decided to wear the outfit out of the store, Dana smiled. Often the gesture should have warmed him but in this instance it sent a chill down his spine. He knew. 

“Dana, please.”  
  
Yamada was very much disgruntled as a salesman fit a charcoal button down shirt on him along with some dark khakis. He did not _want_. 

“Oh.”  
  
He sulked as Dana returned to his side, having been browsing in the men’s shoes. Ninety thousand piece shoes. Dana spoke some lines of Italian to the fellow and he nodded, probably pleased with this massive commission he was about to get before rushing off. His wife walked up to him, running her hands down his torso over the fabric. “…I still like dark colors on you. Well, if I can’t get you into any color. This is sexy.” 

Oh? Yamada raised a brow down at her as she adjusted the pants on his hips. “…Well, it fits nicely. Your shirts do too though.” 

She snickered, “I haven’t made a shirt I was satisfied with on you since 1978.”  
  
“What?” Yamada scowled, “All your shirts fit me perfectly.”  
  
He swallowed, a little caught off guard when she reached _under_ his shirts and ran her hand down his chest with a sigh. “You’ve always been my greatest supporter…”  
  
“Of course.”  
  
Yamada smiled some when she kissed the corner of his lips. She was such a perfectionist though. Particularly when it came to him and their children. He groaned when she brought over Ferragamo shoes. Great. 

Dana was naturally pleased with herself as they sat in the limo she always got. He guessed the shoes were comfortable enough. She did get him a half size up and they were roomy so that was a plus. An almost hundred thousand gold pieces plus. 

He blinked languidly at her as she played with his hair. Usually if she were being _this_ touchy-feely… 

After she told Vincenzo to pull over and take a break, it…sort of went the direction he fathomed it could. He was a little…displeased he couldn’t pleasure _her_ but, naturally, she didn’t want to mess up her new dress just yet. She basically undressed him too to avoid the same with his new ensemble. 

He cleared his throat when they got out of the car, Dana citing wanting to have a lunch, or, their first meal of the day. Yamada suggested they go to the park and eat. She was reluctant at first but…they used to do things like that. 

“Mm, this is nice” Dana murmured, her head rested against his inner thigh as she ate some fruit they got from a restaurant. 

Yamada leaned back on his palms on the blanket they’d secured, staring into the sky. Italy. In his youth, Italy wasn’t even a goal of his. Really, nowhere was a goal of his. Did…he know what it felt like to be free? Free of financial difficulties, free to pursue whatever he wanted as it suited him because they were comfortable and established, free of the obstacles he had in adolescence? Yes… 

…It just…came at such a cost though. It was a different sort of expense to be able to fly off to Italy at their own whim. Surely others came in with old money and little if any burden behind it. The absolute struggle it was to get here for him though? It…it wasn’t free. And no…he’d never be free of that. 

“I know you’re just here to make sure I don’t get stalked or whatever, Yama, but it was nice being with you today” Dana murmured, rubbing his hand.  
  
He smiled, nodding, “I like it too.”  
  
“Yea right” she snickered, “You were about to have a heart attack during the shopping.”  
  
“Eh…I guess the shoes are kind of growing on me” he admitted, staring down at them. They were snazzy and roomy. 

Dana laughed, patting his knee, “It’s definitely a good day if I can find something that you like. You’re so complicated in being not complicated.”  
  
Yamada smirked at that and leaned over to kiss her temple. About to murmur an affection, out of the corner of his eye he found someone…staring at them. He sat up straighter and looked at the person sort of lurk and gaze at them. Who…?  
  
…It could be a paparazzi. That wasn’t even close to beyond his wife though they mostly left her alone for entertainers and musicians. However, he didn’t like it. “Hey, let’s go home and watch Project Runway.”  
  
“Ugh, that damn Zach Posen” Dana said, disgruntled, “He wouldn’t know talent if it bit him in the ass. Oy vey.”  
  
He grinned despite his anxiety over this mystery person, helping her up and folding the blanket. “You still watch it though.”  
  
“To be dismayed and disgruntled by people’s lack of vision!”  
  
Yamada glanced to the side and picked up their bag, taking Dana’s hand and walking them toward the limo. “Well, that’s a good a reason as any.”  
  
“What do you see?”  
  
Mm. “…Dunno. Just some errant Wasaba paranoia, I suppose.”  
  
“I think out of everyone, you’ll be the safest, Yamada” Dana said, rolling her eyes. 

What? How _even_? Domo hated him the _most_. More than his ex-wife that basically ‘cheated’ on him and ended up getting him arrested. Yamada didn’t _fear_ for himself but he certainly knew he was target number one in his clan. 

Sitting down on the plane, preparing to put his phone in safe mode, Yamada gazed at the picture of him and Dana in the park from Domo reading ‘how does it feel to be free?’. 

Yamada’s jaw grew taut as he was possessed to chuck the device down the row. _Everything_ could go wrong.  
  


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_F—k._

_Kari was riding him, Mina was doing something or the other. He was a little high, a little drunk, a lot horny and so was his company. Generally made for a mighty good threesome. Tonight? Not so much. His…heart or something wasn’t in it._

_Despite being hardly satisfied, he didn’t believe in allowing that to affect his other partners and went the extra mile for their sakes. Both girls fell asleep contently and he sat up, staring around the one dark room in Shin’s apartment. Some other guys were shacking up with some other girls in the corners and it seemed rather…impersonal, now that he was considering it. Ugh._

_Walking out after putting on a pair of pants and holding his shirt, figuring he’d probably just stay the night since he was drowsy, Yamada wandered out to find something to drink. He blinked when he came out to find Shin and Dana on the couch, kissing._

_Some sort of implosion occurred in his senses that almost tripped the logic switch to postal. What the s—t?!_

_He marched over before he could even start thinking of what he wanted to do first and snatched Shin up by the back of his shirt. His FRIEND yelped and Yamada was seriously prepared to punch his face in. Oh, sure, sell drugs after all the jobs he helped him solidify and steal from the damn yakuza so he’d have to work harder to pay for something not slightly related to him. Yea, that’s cool. Kiss a girl he wasn’t even capable of having an intimate relationship with because she was engaged? He’d kill him._

_“Yamada!” Dana proclaimed, grabbing his arm. “Put him down! We were just goofing off!”_

_‘Goofing off’ never would equate to KISSING in his mind. Shin waved his hands, nodding, “Yea, man, we were just joking around! She came looking for you and we were talking since you were preoccupied!”_

_“And he was teasing that I’d only ever kiss two guys in my lifetime at this rate so we joked we’d go for lucky three! It was nothing” Dana insisted._

_…S—t. Dropping Shin unceremoniously, Yamada gave him a hot look and grabbed Dana’s wrist. She didn’t shrug away as he led her out of the apartment quietly. She had to get out of here._

_“Yamada, you’re being ridiculous.”_

_He snorted loudly. Dana did take her hand back, skipping to walk in front of him, walking backward. “So you think you’re allowed to be jealous and run how I do things? When you’re shagging two girls at the same time?”_

_UGH. Yamada stopped, balling his fists by his side in frustration. He’d thought. He’d really, really thought._

_Yes, he got jealous. Last week, when he was studying for his entrance exams, she brought a guy she stated she’d ‘known for years’ and wouldn’t say anything about Yamada to her parents. Yamada didn’t say anything about it but the guy didn’t seem BAD. Just him and Dana kept chatting and laughing and giggling about something, curled up across from him. Yamada wanted to sling a damn book at the guy. Maybe the Bible or the full collection of Shakespeare._

_It went both ways though. Dana came by his apartment one day and he so happened to be getting head from Aimi, a girl from North Wasaba who would deign to come West from time to time. She was one pissed off little spitfire and he seriously felt like he was caught cheating. Aimi teased that he had a girlfriend._

_Not really? And that’s where this wasn’t working. The friend period in their relationship was over. It was either ‘we’re making out’ or ‘stop staring at him or her’. So. “Dana, we just cannot see each other anymore. I like having sex and you don’t like seeing me having sex. You might wanna randomly kiss on Shin and I might STILL go crack him a new one. But nothing has changed: you’re still engaged and we still can’t be together or have sex. Now we’re just jealous of one another.”_

_She looked irritated. “…J-Just stop being a whore!”_

_“Until when? Your wedding?” he retorted sarcastically._

_“J-Just forget it!”_

_Yamada walked her home and she huffed, not saying a word to him when they parted ways. Okay, fine, he was wrong for being jealous. She was wrong for being jealous too. They weren’t…anything. Perhaps it was confusing because just last week they were accidentally making out but they agreed that was a ‘no’ then too!_

_…Stay focused, Yamada. The test was this upcoming Saturday and girl issues were not something that required attention just yet._

_There was just something about this girl though. She always found her way right back to his mind._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

She had to realize there was no future for them. 

Yamada was right, why were they being jealous? Would it change anything in the end to be jealous? Of course not. The other thing he said about them not being able to see each other? Also true…but painful. 

She just… 

Dana sat in her bedroom, staring out at the rain. Yamada was taking his test today. She knew he’d pass and soon be going to college. She was so happy for him. He’d have a wonderful life going forward now. Once he became a doctor he’d probably get married or travel or see all the spectacular things he wanted. Knowing Yamada though, he’d probably just stay right here in Japan though he had the power to see the world. Such a frugal humble guy. 

Smiling sadly, she felt her heart clench. She just… 

“Kobayashi-san?” 

“Yes?” 

“Your fiancé is here for a visit.” 

Great. She was already miserable. Straightening out the wrinkles in her tweed skirt, she walked out and up the long hallways toward the main hall. Domo was standing in front of a family painting, his arms crossed behind his back. Dana held hers before her and stopped a ways away as she’d been taught. 

“Such a beautiful painting” he murmured to himself more than anything. 

“It was painted by one of the Kobayashi ancestors.” 

Domo glanced over his shoulder at her briefly before turning back. “Talent is a wonderful thing, I find. Skill is commendable.” 

Oh? Dana would have felt a kernel of hope but she knew better. Domo never disappointed either when he continued: “Commendable, wonderful, but all in all worthless.” 

“Yes.” 

He finally turned to her, tilting his head a bit. “Our wedding will be in a year. You’re enjoying the last freedoms before becoming a Kamaishi madam?” 

Dana swallowed some, blinking slowly, “Yes, I believe so.” 

“Well, that doesn’t sound very convincing. I would imagine anyone to be my wife ought to go and have quite a lot of fun before our matrimony. I’m not a very fun man.” 

Trying not to glare, she nodded, “You are busy with business. I wouldn’t expect you to be one that has time for much entertainment.” 

“To the contrary, dear, I find entertainment in lots of things” Domo said simply, “Probably not things that would make my wife happy but I’m sure it won’t matter.” 

No, no, of course not. “Yes.” 

“Are you keeping your legs closed?” 

Dana stared at him for a long moment, the question so poignant it suffocated words for some seconds. “I beg pardon?” 

“Oh Dana, I know girls your age in this era. Loose, unbothered… _willful_. Maybe that’d be entertaining as well for a time but I just can’t imagine putting up with used goods for decades. I’d just feel…filthy.” 

…This. _This_ was why she had to save herself, _this_ human being. It was nothing she hadn’t heard from her parents and, with all the irony, her brother from time to time. He who slept with several women a week told her she would be ‘used goods’ if she had sex. Domo was certainly not a virgin so how dare they? Unable to help her eyes narrowing, she smiled. It felt…dark. “I assure you, at this very moment, I am pure.” 

“I’ll be able to tell regardless. Just keep that in mind” Domo said, so matter-of-fact she wanted to hit him. 

“Yes.” 

“Well, I just wanted to stop by and speak with you for a moment. Such extra effort…but I suppose I’ll have to look toward that as a husband.” 

‘Look toward’. “I apologize for the inconvenience.” 

“Mm. Good day.” 

She couldn’t say anything, trembling with rage and bitterness. Her ayahs came and told her it was ‘nice’ to have her fiancé take the trouble to come visit her. Trouble. She supposed it was troublesome for the man they were forcing her to marry to come communicate with her. Oh, wait, belittle her. Talk down to her and make her feel like the slightest imperfection would make her filth. 

Fine then. 

Full of fury and wrath, she threw on her raincoat and told their servants she was going to go to the library. They offered to drive her, disapproving of her walking in the rain. “I won’t melt.” 

They probably only backed off because they could tell she was outraged. She often got praised by the tutors and household workers for being the calmest and kindest of the four children. Her sisters or brothers coming off pissed would have meant nothing; she wasn’t like this. 

But she ran all the way to Wasaba, no hesitation or fear. No one was out on the streets except for commuters as she made this walk, no one wondering why she’d come here. Her shoes squeaked with rainwater as she stomped up all five flight of stairs. Outside his door, she started taking off her coat before knocking. 

It wasn’t immediate and for an upsetting moment she thought he was still at his test. No, he finally opened the door, appearing drowsy. Yagami Yamada stared, rubbing his eyes, “Oi, what are you doing here? It’s raining cats and dogs out there.” 

She offered no words, stepping in and kicking off her shoes in a cruder fashion than she’d ever allow herself. Yamada was assumedly puzzled when she grabbed his hand and pulled him back to his bedroom. “Dana, what’s going on? What’s wrong?” 

Her anger had nothing to do with him. He shouldn’t be the one caught up in her problems. Just… 

Yamada did yelp as she pushed him onto his bed, sitting on his lap as she unbuttoned her shirt. “Oi, oi, the hell’s going on??” 

She grabbed the end of the sweater Yamada was wearing and pulled it over his head after she was down to her bra. He groaned a little as she kissed him hard against his lips. Was her mouth dirty too? Since she was unclean for even thinking about men. 

“Dana, wait.” 

Yamada was trying to make sense of this but of course it wouldn’t. He probably thought this was like every other time where they’d have to rip each other away, stop when the desire wasn’t there to do so. She kissed down his chest, wrapping her mouth around him after getting his jeans off. He rasped, reaching to grasp her head. “D-Dana, sto-stop foolin’ around.” 

She wasn’t. Pulling away, she sat up and took off her bra. 

It wouldn’t mean much anywhere else since Yamada had seen her in far more intimate places, in her opinion. Alas, she could tell his mind was a little blown because not once had she taken her bra off. “I-I--…Dana, I don’t know what’s going on.” 

Did it matter? He was hard, he apparently liked it even if he were confused. She observed his concerns were falling further by the wayside the more she took off. Those blue eyes grew so animalistic and wolfish when he got turned on. When she took her underwear off, it went the direction she was hoping even in her dominant anger: he took over. She didn’t know what she was doing no matter how pissed she was. 

“Ah!” she choked as he kissed her jaw, his fingers playing with her clit. 

His body was pulsing with lust and passion. The more she felt how much he wanted it, the more her anger diminished and she found herself nervous. Surprisingly though, the nervous shifted into something else. 

She wanted him. 

This was the point where Yamada was used to her drawing the line, where she’d say no more. He even started slowing down, his kisses becoming lighter. No. 

Yamada would be thrown if she asked, perhaps. He’d start to question and she just wanted it. She grabbed his dick and tried to pull it inside. 

“Whoa, whoa!” 

Leave it to him to panic. Yamada actually jerked away and stared at her in disbelief. “W-What are you doing? I thought we couldn’t do that!” 

Annoyed she’d even gotten him into protecting her ‘sanctity’, she grabbed his arm and pulled him back on top of her. “J-Just put it in!” 

He surprisingly didn’t say anything or even try to talk her out of it. She inhaled sharply, shocked as he didn’t push inside entirely. Why? Yamada softly kissed her, rubbing her back. Why? Why was he trying to calm her down? 

“A-Ah!” 

While getting frustrated with his sudden trek into tenderness, after she just told herself to ‘relax’, he started easing himself in more. Oh, she…she had been tense. Yamada started to kiss her hotly again, his hips pumping against her. His face was flushed, his long bangs curled messily around different tendrils. He really was pretty… 

Almost shyly, she wrapped her legs around his torso. He sat them up, holding her thighs as he continued to grind into her. Hugging his neck, she moaned, her eyes rolling back as each thrust brought her closer to her peak. Yamada’s soft grunts and breaths made her wonder how close he was too. 

“S-S—t, Dana, I don-don’t have to work this hard usually” he whispered in her ear. 

Eh? Was she supposed to be doing something?! Yamada snorted, probably feeling her panic, “I-I’m used to ‘easy come, easy go’, princess. I don’t…don’t mind putting in a little work for you.” 

Oh no, she was defective, she thought frantically. “I-It feels so good.” 

The wetter she got, the more horrifying the experience. It was so messy! Yamada actually laughed some and told her ‘the wetter it gets, the better’. Such a damn perv. 

Ah, there it was, she thought, as her heart beat hard and her body clenched up. If this had been her first orgasm she could only imagine how horrifying it’d be but instead it felt amazing. Yamada groaned, quickly jerking out and coming on her stomach. What?! 

“S-Sorry, girly. Might be a messier situation if I just come inside” he panted, almost stumbling to his basket of laundry and grabbing a towel. 

Still trembling as he cleaned up his ‘mess’, Dana felt something start to claw at her chest. Yamada collapsed on his side and seemed to be falling asleep. He looked content…she felt… 

Sitting on the end of the bed, she stared out of the window. He’d replaced the shot out window pane and all she saw was gray. The only sound she heard was the rain falling in the silent room and Yamada’s breathing. She felt… 

…Impure. 

What had she done? Domo said he’d know and that only meant he’d make her life a living hell. He’d smear her and her family’s name before the masses for her lasciviousness. He’d belittle her for the rest of her life if he so decided to ‘keep’ her. Her life would be _hell_ now! 

Tears rolled down her face and she fought sobbing. Why? She was…she was upset, she couldn’t stand him regardless, she practically _hated_ him, yet her entire life circulated around his expectations, their expectations, her own preconceived expectations. And she felt like _dirt._

“Hey.” 

She quivered, looking over her shoulder. Yamada must’ve woken up and was staring at her from where he was lying before sitting up. He wouldn’t understand. No one around him would because they weren’t forced to conform. She had expectations. 

Dana choked and covered her mouth as she finally succumbed to weeping. Her life was ruined. From one moment of anger, her life was completely and absolutely ruined. 

Her eyes widened when Yamada actually embraced her from behind, tenderly stroking her hair. He kissed the back of her head and murmured after some minutes: “Absolutely no one has the right to judge you for what you do with your life, Dana. No amount of sex has any bearing on who you are. And don’t let anyone tell you you’re any lesser for it either. You are not a bad person for being a woman that takes what she wants. And whatever bulls—t your fiancé fed you is just that: bulls—t. He won’t know a damn thing is any different and I’d crack him over the head if he treated you badly because he’s a f—king idiot.” 

…She wanted to believe that. She really did. She wished for the life of her she didn’t even need him to tell her that, that she already knew and accepted it. Deep in her stomach though? She just…she just felt that cloying guilt. He was right but something internally said they were both wrong. It sounded like her parents. 

She closed her eyes, his arms warm in the somewhat cool room. Her sweet Yamada, the jerkiest boy ever and he was so much more emotionally giving than anyone she knew. Her heart hurt again. “We…we still probably can’t do it again.” 

“Mm, I figured. Did you enjoy it, at least?” 

Prepared to pout that that was one of his pervy questions, Dana realized he seemed serious. She…she supposed she ought to be able to say she enjoyed her first time. Blushing, Dana twiddled her fingers and nodded. For as wrong as it was, it was…it was so good. 

Yamada kissed her, nodding, “Good. Let’s go take a shower, huh?” 

“T-Together?” 

“Hot water is a luxury around here, kid, and I’d be a gentleman and let you wash first but it’d take me three hours to even get warmed up again. Whatever you want though.” 

Her nose wrinkled. “Well, I most certainly don’t want you getting pneumonia.” 

He naturally was more pleased with this choice and she was admittedly amused watching him get all soapy. And really, he was done so fast and out of there she might as well say she’d taken the shower by herself. Wrapping the towel around herself and her hair, she stared into the foggy old mirror. She…she looked the same. And…and now, she…she felt the same. Just… 

Going to retrieve her clothes, Dana bit her lip to find Yamada stretched out under the kotatsu, drinking tea. “You’re an old man.” 

“I feel no shame about it either” he yawned. 

Unable to help giggle, she replaced the clothes she’d worn prior and returned to the kitchen. Yamada had apparently finished his tea, curled up on his side again as if he were going to sleep. She noticed another steaming cup on the table. “Is that for me?” 

He didn’t open his eyes but nodded. Sitting beside him, she drank and looked at the rainy sky. It didn’t seem…as bad now. 

She stretched out beside him under the kotatsu, staring at the ceiling. “Yama?” 

“Mm?” 

“How’d your test go?” 

The blond opened his eyes and blinked some. “…Dunno. Harder than the last one so probably won’t be breaking any records this time. Wanna go and watch me have a nervous breakdown again?” 

She snickered and nodded, “You got it.” 

She couldn’t help pink when he slipped closer behind her, his face buried in the back of her neck. Spooning, she’d heard it described. “I-I better head home, Yamada.” 

“Mm, I’ll walk you. Stay a little longer…” 

Feeling his chest rise and fall as he slept so peacefully, Dana couldn’t help rest her eyes. The peace and warmth was unthinkable and perfect. 

…She supposed if she were going to commit such an unforgiveable sin with anyone, it’d be him. No separate person had ever made her feel anywhere close to how he did. That… 

That was the confusingly honest truth. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

Holy crap. 

Yagami Yamada was walking with Hamasaki Shin after their stupid weekly meeting with Hisakawa. Shin must’ve gotten himself some takoyaki and a Coke with a little bit of his sales this week because Yamada handed chump change over to Hisakawa. Maybe he’d take Dana to dinner or something. 

That girl never failed to amaze him. He’d been a little distracted during the test thinking about how their last conversation had gone and that maybe he wouldn’t see her anymore. Nope, showed up at his apartment, pushed him into his room, and instigated sex. He’d never been on such a whirlwind of confusion. 

She got upset because she had all these idiots in her life that told her she was going to be a broken flower covered in mud because she had sex. These same people were probably a majority male and threw their dicks into the first available hole if it so pleased them but that ‘hole’? That ‘hole’ was the problem, not them. None of them were the problem but, well, gotta make someone feel bad, right? 

There were so many things in their lives beyond their control. He couldn’t control what family he was born into, what he looked like even with alteration, the weather—and yet, they have control over that aspect of their lives and they still created obstructions. Dana was…well, she was rather perfect, as far as he was concerned. Nothing less. 

But damn, did he want her again. 

Mina and Kari were usually already turned all the way on by the time they came seeking him so it was usually a quick few thrusts and they were done. Dana came to him pretty much from step one and he enjoyed working to get his rocks off, he supposed. And…maybe it had something to do with his partner too. 

Thing was, they’d already sworn it off. It was like he’d tasted the forbidden fruit or something. He sure as hell wanted more. There was so much more they could _do_. 

Shin gave him a look as he sighed wistfully. “Are you still pining over Dana?” 

“It was f—king good.” 

“Hmm. Well, if her tongue action was as good in that kiss as it is anywhere else, I could see why.” 

Yamada punched Shin in the back of the head, earning him a satisfying ‘ow’. “Don’t you talk about her like that, ya’ putz.” 

Shin rubbed the back of his head, making a face. “The way you get about her, you might as well make her your wife, jackass.” 

He could only scoff, “What am I going to offer her? My mattress on my mother’s apartment’s floor? _I’m_ sickened by the thought.” 

“She shacked up with you on that same mattress, didn’t she?” Shin countered, “Maybe _your_ expectations are too high, man.” 

…Yea, he’d come to that conclusion too. This was the girl who didn’t think a thing about coming into the slums for him and preferred hamburgers over filet mignon. He had been trying to play it cool but he’d been humiliated to ask her to shower with him because they had a good maybe thirteen minutes of warm water. She probably just wrote it off to him trying to make more moves on her and in the end she was more worried about him getting sick than the fact they had a quota on hot water. 

Sighing miserably, he took out his pack of cigarettes and slipped one into his mouth, lighting up. Shin waved a hand when he offered him one, “Can’t stand that brand.” 

“They are kind of crap” Yamada made a face, the convenience store having been out of his normal preference. “…I mean, this is the first one I’ve smoked in two days. Maybe I should just quit. It’ll save me some cash.” 

Shin shot him a sideway glance. “…Call me curious. How much _do_ you make with Hisakawa?” 

“Eh, two hundred gold” he reported dryly. That’s how much he had to pay today for Shin’s ‘shaving’. 

The dumbass looked appalled. “So you only sold…what?” 

“Eh…roughly 665 and some coins.” His math seemed right… 

“Dude!” Shin snapped, “That’s barely a gram!” 

Nope, that was approximately no coke. Yamada took a drag, saying sarcastically: “You’ve got the market saturated.” 

“What?” Shin echoed, bewildered. 

Man. Shaking his head, Yamada sighed, “Hisakawa and I have this down, punk. _You_ just keep selling and paying _correctly_.” 

Shin looked confused, as in ‘what was he even suggesting?’. Yamada had considered that maybe Shin _wasn’t_ shaving at some point. However, now that he was standing in with him more on the conversation he heard Shin make these passing excuses such as ‘I’m good for it next week, swear’ or ‘something came up and I had to give the dude a little extra for free or he’d go elsewhere so I didn’t get as much’. Yamada just wanted to smack him. 

Now his turn to give Shin an incredulous look when the guy waved at two girls they used to be…friendly with, Yamada shook his head. “I’m going to go study.” 

“Man, you have gotten so _boring_! They probably want to f—k!” 

Yea, yea. “Well, f—k them both good then.” 

Shin widely smirked, his eyes closing some, “Thanks for the inspirational threesome talk?” 

Yamada shrugged, joking as he walked in the other direction, “What am I here for? 

“I’ll call and tell you how it goes then” Shin snickered, “You enjoy your…studying.” 

He would, actually. Going back to his apartment, he settled down with a biology and chemistry book. If he cleared Hondo, he could, at most, take three classes. One was available from 8:15 to 9:45 and the other from 10 to 11:30. It’d be one long ass day but, well, that was what he was doing working three jobs so whatever. Saturday he was plotting to take one morning class for Physics. He was also glad these particular classes offered a lab twice a week in conjunction to the class schedule because that’d be impossible otherwise. 

…It was exciting. 

Reading for about an hour, pretty absorbed, he jumped when the phone rang. At this time there was really only one person that called… 

“Hi-hi, Yamada.” 

“Hey” he greeted, sitting by the phone. 

“Yama, I wanna go somewhere…like Nakasu! Have you ever been?” 

He bit his lip, a little amused. “Princess, that’s a seven hour train ride from here. I don’t think it’s gonna happen.” 

“Why’s all the fun stuff so far away?” she probably pouted. 

“Not as if we can go anywhere tonight, it’s already 11.” 

Dana whispered, “My parents are gone. We can go somewhere!” 

Yea right. “So say I took you to a club or something. What’s the chances we see your brother there?” 

“…Pretty high.” 

“Take you out to eat on a street cart?” 

“…Servants might be out…” 

He frowned when she immediately sounded miserable. Why was he supporting her boundaries anyway? So what if someone saw her? …With a hafu piece of s—t. 

“All right, babe, let’s go for a ride” he sighed, standing. 

“Eh? Where?” 

“You’ll see. Be outside in twenty minutes.” 

Hiding his books between his mattresses, Yamada headed back out into the night. If she got caught, it was a done deal…but he was starting to sense a bit more of her rebellious side shining through. 

Stopping his motorcycle outside the gate, he blinked when she almost immediately appeared, wearing all black. Such a kid. Jumping on the back, she gasped, “Go, go, go!” 

He snickered, accelerating away, “This isn’t a heist.” 

“May as well be” she huffed, holding his waist. 

Man, he didn’t even get to touch her boobs when they were having sex, he thought sadly as he felt them against his back. He was off his game or something. “You hungry?” 

“Starving!” 

They had her on that damn diet again. The one time he saw her this week since the events of Saturday she fainted clean away. He was so f—king pissed. Human beings needed enough food to _function_ , assholes. At least this time she wasn’t simply abiding…it was _forced_ which wasn’t any better but she was most certainly not against him feeding her. 

He took her to a yakisoba cart which delighted her for whatever reason. She was the least complicated person in the world and he just kind of liked that, smiling as she ate her noodles heartily. “So what’d you do today?” 

“Nothing” she replied, dabbing her lips, “My stupid fiancé came over.” 

Ugh. “And how’d that go?” 

She sighed gravely, “I just wish he were a guy like you, Yama, then I’d have never come looking for you.” 

“Thanks, I guess.” 

Dana giggled and took a sip of soda. “How was your day?” 

“Eh…got some books and checked to see if they posted grades. Not until next Saturday, apparently.” 

“Yea, it takes a while to grade those huge tests” Dana frowned. 

Meh, hopefully somebody came up with some smarter way then, this s—t was for the birds. “Well, I wouldn’t worry about it too much anyway. You passed.” 

“Thank you, my psychic.” 

She scoffed and set her empty bowl down. “That was so yummy. I don’t think I’ve had yakisoba before.” 

Holy jeez. As usual she tried to open her purse and pay but he gave the guy the bills instead. She sulked petulantly. “I _have_ money.” 

“Me too. Shin was a responsible human being for once tonight so I have plenty of extra to feed you street food like a queen.” 

She pushed his arm lightly, “Maybe he’ll stop all together so you won’t have to work the second job!” 

“That’s way, way too much hope” Yamada groaned. 

“Bleh…can I at least buy you an ice cream cone?” 

His eyes closed some. “Dana, it’s thirty degrees.” 

“Hot chocolate then!” 

She found a cart that mysteriously sold the beverage and they went and sat in the empty park nearby. Dana seemed content as she curled into his side. “I’m glad you’re always so open to see me. I hope I wasn’t interrupting anything.” 

Yamada simply shrugged, taking a sip and making a face as he wasn’t used to eating chocolate, let alone _drinking_ it. In most cases, he’d probably take it to someone in Wasaba to finish but…since she bought it for him, he’d try. “Yamada?” 

“Hmm?” 

“Have you ever wanted to see the world? You know, everywhere? Not just Japan…” 

He considered it for a few moments, gazing into the city sky visible from where they sat in the dense park. Analyzing his thoughts, he had to conclude: “…No, not really.” 

Dana frowned, “Really?” 

“America, I guess, is about the extent of where I thought I might wanna visit. All the other places? Not so much. I…I guess I never really had the opportunity to think of what other places are like, y’know?” 

“Well, that’s true. You…you’ve had to be pragmatic. And I guess the truth of the matter is I do as well” she murmured, looking up as she took a drink, “Domo won’t bring me on his travels. I’ll be stuck in the house all day. I’ll be lucky to see Japan.” 

Ugh. “…Funny. You have all these grand desires and dreams with the means to do it but no freedom. I have all the freedom to do everything but neither the desire nor means. Maybe not funny, but kind of ironic, I guess.” 

She fell silent and he wondered if he’d said too much. It was most certainly depressing. However, she pushed her face into his side and rubbed his knee. “…Promise you’ll go somewhere once for us when you become a doctor?” 

“…Absolutely.” 

They kind of kissed and touched until some other couple came into the area. She actually sighed in disappointment. “…You ever think about the…the whole sex thing, Yamada?” 

“Um, _yes_?” 

Dana made a face at him as they walked back up the sidewalk near the street cars where he’d parked his motorcycle. Did he EVER think about the sex? He never _didn’t_ think about the sex right now, damn it. She grumbled, stuffing her hands in the pockets of her coat. “I-I do too.” 

“Wanna go do it?” 

She punched his hip as he grinned. “It wouldn’t be me if I didn’t try, kid.” 

She sighed gravely, shaking her head, “I…I can’t help but think Domo will know somehow. I-I mean, he brings it up _every time_ now so I almost feel he’s watching us.” 

Yamada found that rather unlikely considering anyone that looked remotely shady in Wasaba was bound to get questioned and raise a ruckus. He hadn’t seen a lot of that lately. That aside… 

“If he _thinks_ you’re doing it, why hasn’t he made any hard claims or forced your parents to lock you up? He’s being an idiot.” 

Dana frowned thoughtfully. “…It’s true, I wonder why he keeps mentioning it. It could be a genuine concern but it’d be just as easy to tell my parents not to let me out of the house. They’d certainly listen to him.” 

…That sort of made him nervous. “Well, don’t dig too deep, okay?” 

She nodded, putting the helmet on as she slid behind him on his bike. It was funny how paranoid he felt now too, stopping even further back from the gate. Dana though? She gave him a kiss anyway. Rebellious indeed. 

When he got back to Wasaba, stopping to smoke a cigarette with Jum and Roller on the street, Yamada opened his books again. He stared at the words for a long moment and something about them just…drew him. The nature of learning, it…it had gotten stronger. 

His dreams had stopped. When he was working at twelve years old, the foolish dream of a child wanting to be like his deity ancestor from a war gone past was meaningless. To say being a doctor was his dream even now didn’t represent him whatsoever. Yea, he was into it now but only because Dana introduced him to a person that let him pursue it as a possible interest. A dream was different. 

But, when he was up until about three am, having not even noticed, Yamada knew it was more than just another occupation or job now. No, he took his jobs seriously but this? This was something else entirely. He genuinely…cared about this. 

…Dream? Maybe not. More like…a drive. He… 

…He was going forward now. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_“I want you to be free-e-e-e! Don’t worry about me! And just like the movies we play out our last scene!”_

Popuri blinked languidly at her husband and, unfortunately, ex-boyfriend as they sat in Mark’s gigantic limo going down the narrow streets of Hondo. At some point in the night Koji and Mark decided to have a drinking competition to see who held their liquor better. Technically Koji was _more_ sober because Mark was curled up on his side and singing loudly while Koji was out of the window, belting some tune they both enjoyed from their youth. Wait…who was more sober?  
  
It had been fun though. And it was good to see her Ko-chan relaxed. He’d been so stressed and frustrated lately. Smiling broadly, the man in question came to sit beside her. “Popuri, I-I wanna h-have sex when we get home. Can we?”  
  
“Once you sober up, princess” she smirked at him. 

“Oi-i-i” Koji grumbled, tumbling over and resting his head in her lap, “I’mma no…no princess. Maybeh a lady.”  
  
She laughed, kissing the side of his face. He was so silly. Sitting up, his eyes aglow, Koji had that…inspired look. “Let’s go for _ice cream_.”  
  
“It’s 3 am, Koji.” 

Koji pouted and opened his mouth…before pausing. Popuri watched his gaze, confused, before glancing behind her. 

She wasn’t sure what had her husband’s attention. There was someone in the car beside them that was looking back with a smile. He…looked pretty typical. It was hard to call his age but he was probably older than them? He was in a Rolls Royce… 

Looking back to Koji, about to question if he knew that fellow, he…seemed frozen. “Koji…are you okay?”  
  
“…Yea” he finally responded, rapidly shook his head, “Huh, that’s…that’s weird.”  
  
Mark dazedly sat up straight, just in time to see the person completely before the light changed and their car drove away. He frowned, “Ay…that was Kamaishi Domo.”  
  
What?! Popuri looked to Koji and he seemed confused. “It…it was?”  
  
“Mm hmm. I saw him in the one file I found…”  
  
Glancing at Koji, she watched a bead of sweat roll down his face as he held his head. “W-Wow. I…I really don’t remember, huh? U-Uh, c-can we stop a second? I-I don’t feel so hot suddenly.”  
  
Popuri directed the limo driver to pull over. Staggering out, Koji threw up…which was unusual. Mark beamed that he won but Popuri was unconvinced and surprised. She hadn’t seen many liquors make Koji throw up since they got married. 

He climbed back into the car and thankfully accepted the bottle of water she offered. “Are you okay, Kocchi?”  
  
“Hmm? Oh, yea” he nodded, cracking the top, “Bleh, guess it didn’t sit right with me or something this time.”  
  
“So that was kind of weird, wasn’t it? Seeing Kamaishi Domo just randomly on the road at three in the morning.” 

Koji stared at her blankly. “What?”  
  
“What?”  
  
“When did that happen? We saw Domo? Where?”  
  
Popuri stared at him for a long moment to deliberate if her husband was being serious or joking. He…looked entirely sincere. “…Koji, we literally _just_ saw him a minute ago.”  
  
“Are you sure?” Koji said dubiously, “How would you even know it was him?”  
  
“ _Koji._ Mark _just_ said he saw his picture in a file” Popuri gawked. 

“…Oh. Maybe I got some bad liquor.”  
  
That….made him immediately forget things that just happened? That didn’t sound right at all. And the way he froze up, he…recognized him without recognizing him? 

Mark seemed to have sobered up enough to be observing Koji before ‘hmm’ing’. He must’ve thought of something else because that wasn’t normal. 

…What _was_ going on?  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

**End Notes:**

Spend a second thinking about pomp-ass that was ridiculing Yamada when he was taking the test. Maybe from a particular game in this long series where he was kind of a haughty type. 

Koji and Mark are singing Alien Ant Farm’s ‘Movies’.  
  
I don’t own any of the various stores or brands mentioned in this chapter, of course. 


	6. Clown

**Chapter 6:** Clown   
**  
Author’s Note ** : No actual clowns will be mentioned in said chapter. I had my week vacay and I was hellbent on finishing it but, well, Pokemon Go and sleeping. I _did_ finish the “history” portion and I am about to drop three pretty hefty chapters. I can’t get it to tie together the way I want but I may go back to edit at the end with some feedback or at least self-distance. 

**WARNING FROM HERE FORWARD: IF YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE BY CERTAIN THEMES, I WOULD TREAD CAUTIOUSLY. FROM HERE ON, THINGS ARE GETTING LESS VAGUE.**

OTHER WARNING: SEX, DRUGS, AND ROCK N’ ROLL. Enjoy. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

If Koji saw this, it’d be catastrophic. 

Yagami Popuri huddled tightly at the restaurant, having pleaded to be placed in the middle but the waitress insisted the registrar asked for this table specifically by the window. Why? Was he _insane_? Koji would _murder him_. This was so questionable just because of their history! 

Nonetheless, Hideyoshi Mark texted her last night that he had some new information that he could only share with her. Why? Koji was the one that really needed this data, she was just his support! 

Ugh, she scowled lightly as Mark came in a few minutes late, wearing a suit and sunglasses. “Hello, Popuri.”   
  
“Mark, Koji will _kill you_.”   
  
“Dear, do you think it’s right to have a husband that doesn’t trust his loving wife?”   
  
“No, he’s literally just looking for a reason to kill you and this is it.”   
  
Mark groaned, waving a hand, “Look, Popuri, I’ll just come out and say I did this extra bit of legwork for you. I know you love your husband for _some_ reason and when I noticed, I knew you needed to know.”   
  
What? Mark ordered a cup of tea and a bowl of soup before pointing out of the window. “You see that clinic right there?”   
  
Popuri turned to look and saw what looked like a therapy office. She nodded slowly as Mark leaned forward, whispering, “In 1985, a ‘doctor’ operating under the name of Darryl Bingsby ran the place. He was a soldier in ‘Nam and never seemed to make it back to the states afterward.”   
  
Okay… “He specialized in victims of PTSD, especially those from World War II, Vietnam, and Korea. To be perfectly honest…no one knows what it is he did. All that was recorded was he was able to… ‘vanquish’ memories.”   
  
Eh? “Vanquish…? What are you saying?” Popuri scowled, turning her iced tea to drink. 

“I’ve had the privilege to see it twice, Popuri. The first time was one of my workers, he was a soldier in Korea and he saw something horrendous that haunted his nightmares. Genocide, perhaps. Maiming. Something terrible.”   
  
He nodded as the server brought his tea, lifting it to sip gingerly. “He was a diligent worker. Good man, really. Problem was, whenever, and I mean _whenever_ , there was merely a mention or anything in the news similar to the crime, he’d freeze, have to throw up or have a seizure, then he’d come back and not remember anything whatsoever. He was a patient of this man. That was the first one I saw. The second? I’m pretty sure your husband.”   
  
Popuri was alarmed. “…I-I suppose.”   
  
“Popuri, we _literally_ just saw Domo. Literally. Koji forgot it at the snap of a finger. It was like the slate just wiped clean” he waved his hand, “I think, just like my worker, he was a patient of this doctor.”   
  
…Wait. “His mother and father remarried in…1986, I believe. Maybe ’87. That means Domo was out of the picture and probably in prison by then. So if Koji had this done in 1985 like you’re saying, he was _four years old_. What trauma was so bad he’d have had this done?” 

“Correction, Popuri: he most likely _didn’t_ have this done. His parents probably would have had chosen for him.”   
  
This was mindboggling. “Yamada has worked with the brain his _whole life_. I’m hard pressed to believe he thought this was acceptable, whatever this hack did!”   
  
“That much I can’t say. All I can say is one, Koji was four years old. Two, it has to have something to do with Domo. Like Koji has found, he has little memories of Domo and seeing him in person caused him to shut down” Mark explained. 

Rubbing her temples, Popuri droned, “Mark, we’re all the same age. What is _so_ traumatizing for a four year old?”   
  
“The only trauma I can remember _now_ from when I was four?” Mark sighed gravely, eating his soup contents, “…For Christmas, I got Megatron.”   
  
“What?”   
  
“The Megatron action figure. He turned into a gun and everyone wanted him or Soundwave—Soundwave turned into a cassette player. Mom and dad finally found him for me and my stupid brother broke him in half because he was jealous.”   
  
Popuri stared at him. “…Why is Megatron turning into a gun? Aren’t they robots to begin with? And what the hell is a cassette player supposed to do?”   
  
“Popuri, please, this is my childhood. And beside the point. While I’ll _still_ yell at my brother about it to this day, that was my deepest trauma I can remember. Whatever happened to Koji was deep enough to make his parents want to bury it. And, unfortunately, that’s not going to end well for him.”   
  
“What do you mean?” Popuri gasped. 

“Every person that was founded to be under this ‘treatment’ had a mental breakdown. Of the three hundred or so he treated, somewhere around fifty ended in needing to be committed, thirty or so have gone missing, and, well, the ultimate end.”   
  
Swallowing this, Popuri folded her hands. “…My Koji is a strong person. I think he’s always been. Whatever it is must be…unimaginable.”   
  
Her husband did buckle a bit under horrific things but that was perfectly human. At the end of it, he was standing up straight, a little battered but always stronger. That…that was what she imagined the human condition was supposed to be. Things happened, for better or worse, and as long as they went on living they got past or through their trials. 

But…Koji may have had one he couldn’t do that with? “If…If I even try to get him to trigger the memories, something will happen to him, right?” she murmured. 

“Mm.”   
  
Staring in the direction of the clinic where this may have begun, something occurred to Popuri. 

His siblings. All of them knew. That’s…that’s why they were being evasive. Domo was out of prison now, that’s why Nelly wanted Koji to leave the country: to avoid what happened. They…they were protecting him. 

…From what? 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

It was driving her _insane_. 

Kobayashi Dana tapped her pen in class as she was beyond distracted. The teacher was droning about history but she was pretty confident in the subject. She tried to sketch an outfit she’d been thinking about in the croquis book Yamada gave her but then, _he_ gave it to her thus her mind wandered. 

It was a Saturday. Yamada had asked that she come with him to view his results for his Hondo exam and that’s what she did. She went over to his apartment as usual but it was raining…like it’d been raining the day they… 

She’d shook it off because she remembered the intimacy, his touches, his firm body…she’d said ‘never again’ and she meant _never again_. Squaring her shoulders, Dana recalled being let in by his mother who was on her way to work, the woman saying absently that he was still in bed. Dana squirmed and blurted out some excuse when she questioned why he wasn’t _working_? He slept in every Saturday or something. ‘W-Well, I think his work became more lax!’, ‘Then he can get _another_ job’. Why couldn’t he sleep _sometimes_?! 

So Dana went to his room to wake him up, having to agree that one in the afternoon was a bit late to still be asleep though. When she opened the door, her mind went into complete and utter disarray. 

Yamada was stretched out on his stomach slash side, hugging his pillow and very much asleep. His blond hair was utterly tousled but in an entirely too attractive way. However, was that the problem? Oh no, just that he was naked as the day he was born! 

She tried _not_ to stare, his backside on the cusp of being exposed and being covered by the checkered blue sheets she got him. Just…well, she was failing miserably. He was so pretty and…Godawful _sexy._

As she was about to scurry out and wait in his living room, he just had to stir. Yamada made a soft sigh and opened his crystal blue eyes. While he was looking directly at her, he still seemed to be in a daze. Oh yes, in enough of a daze to sit up entirely and show off his entire body. He blinked languidly and scratched the side of his face… 

While some of the men that worked in the house had facial hair, they had it trimmed and it seemed…thin. Yamada’s didn’t grow very fast but it was sort of coarse and a light brown. He had a little bit of a wisp of it right now…he let her watch him shave once and it was fascinating. His face was smooth as silk after too… 

Ugh! At that moment, she told herself to _go_ because she was about to ogle herself into another romp. Alas, when that… _whore_ saw her, he stared for a moment before saying, to his credit, entirely jokingly: “ _See something you like? It’s all yours.”_

And to say she wasn’t on top of him within a matter of seconds was an understatement. Even _he_ was alarmed and shocked for, oh, half a minute. She had to give him credit for that because even that seemed long for him. 

Presently squeezing her temple, Dana groaned to herself. To be this…sexually interested was so, what she presumed, against her persona she didn’t know what to think. What she had to accept was, that at this moment, if she saw Yagami Yamada she’d probably shag him into next Wednesday. 

_Why_ ? It was merely an aligning of parts! It was sweaty and sticky and wet and gross! There should be absolutely nothing even slightly appealing about it! 

Miserable when they were dismissed, Dana pulled on her coat to wander out of the school. Yamada had, from his own mouth, ‘the best day of his life’ since not only did he ‘get laid’, he was once again able to rank number two on the Hondo entry exam. It was beyond adorable to see him beaming with confidence. She’d be concerned about arrogance in anyone else she knew but he was so pragmatic and matter-of-fact that him reaching the acceptance that he could do it? That…that was excellent. 

Now she was starting to think she really couldn’t see him again. 

There was…something between them though. It was magnetic. And even if it weren’t about sex, it was about spending time together. And even when they weren’t, when they were both busy, they…they always reconnected at ease when they met again. It…it made her chest hurt. 

Whatever, there was another connecting issue to be concerned about. She had to avoid that boy for as long as this…spell lasted. Flustering, Dana rubbed her forehead and thought maybe she’d go home and have…her time. She just…wasn’t quite as good at it as _some_ people. 

“Ugh, that bitch, Hachiko!” 

Dana yelped when Harumi came beside her, looking irritated. It was…odd to Dana, but Harumi had started to hang around her a lot more lately. Maybe it was because Dana finally met her boyfriend. 

His name was Zander Thompson, or, ‘Zann’. So yes, Dana recognized right off he’d most likely be a foreigner. She’d even asked Harumi where he was from originally and she answered simply ‘he’s always lived here’. Dana immediately thought of Yamada. Another case of someone coming over, having a quick fling, and going about their merry way. 

One afternoon recently, Zann came to have lunch with her and Harumi. Dana would be remiss to say she wasn’t stunned when he appeared, tanned with long hair in a texture she’d never featured. He had the most mysterious dark eyes and was wearing a shell necklace with a few feathers. Harumi was wearing one too. Dana thought it was really cute. 

And…that’s where her mind stayed? She complimented them on the matching jewelry. He thanked her and told her to her further surprise that _he_ made it. Surely there were Mikimoto pearls but she didn’t hear often about male jewelry designers. Yamada had been baffled that she wanted a ‘blue rock’ for her birthday. Zann had laughed, “ _It’s art, you know? I think making pretty things is neat. And I love making stuff out of junk no one thinks about too, like scrap soda cans.”_

Dana was intrigued by the mere idea and he replied when his school had a show that she should come and see his wares. He apparently sold it on Saturdays on a street market too. How _cool_! She wanted to sell her clothes on a street corner! Just…if one person recognized her she’d be locked up for shaming the family. 

_“Oh jeez, that’s bogue. If you want, I can sell them off the corner of mine and give you the sales.”_

The idea was tantalizing but…she told him she’d think about it. Aside from wanting to snog with Yamada, the thought of selling her wares was overtaking too. Another empty dream… 

_“You’re weird, Dana.”_

After Zann left, Harumi and her started to walk back toward Subami. Dana had scowled. What was she weird for _now_? “ _Every other girlfriend from school I introduced him too, they were giving him the silent treatment the whole time! Then after they’d say ‘why would you date such an ugly person?!’. I think Zann is gorgeous. His eyes are to die for.”_

Ah. Harumi went on to say that, like Dr. Souma, Zann’s father came over to Japan during the war and met his mother. And, much like Dr. Souma, their parents fell in love. It wasn’t because of assault or an affair or anything sordid. One single person fell in love with another single person and they got married. Where apparently everyone was being extra judgmental? Unlike Souma and Yamada, Zann’s father was African American. Never mind Zann had been in Japan since the day he was born, that it was his culture just like theirs, and that he even joked his English was a little touch and go. No, to them, he was a hafu. Just like Souma…just like Yama… 

And she never thought herself to be that judgmental, after all. No, she probably wasn’t but before Yamada she probably would have just ignored them. Not for being lowly but for being out of her scope of people to associate with. Frankly a lot of Japanese people would have fallen into the category. Now, alas, after having been there when Yamada got _stabbed_ for his interracial lineage, it…it gave her a new perspective. She wished for the life of her it didn’t take having to see someone she now genuinely cared for getting injured to feel defensive but…but she was glad she had reached that point. That point where she was talking to Zann, the jeweler with an interesting culture, rather than Zann, the supposedly ‘ugly hafu’. 

As of now, Harumi was nearly in tears as they walked out of the school. “S-She called h-him ‘dirty hafu’ a-and a doujin. She said I-I’m trash for sleeping with him and if I had an o-ounce of sense I’d leave him.” 

Dana shook her head, “Rumi, did we not go with Hachiko to meet a ‘hafu’ she was sleeping with? And don’t let her say that. Zann is more than a ‘hafu’, he’s a decent human being that doesn’t deserve to be addressed by some stupid slur.” 

She sighed gravely, nodding some, “I…I know. J-Just, you know, I _like_ Zann and-and I’m just not that strong. I know people are going to be cruel to him for the rest of his life and I…” 

“Well, just think how it’ll be for him if no girl will stand beside him. He’ll be alone. He’s done nothing to deserve that either.” 

Harumi bit her lip, “…You’re right. Gosh, Dana, you know so much about stuff like this!” 

Somewhat. Harumi balled her fists as if she were empowering herself. “Okay! Next time, I’ll punch her in the face!” 

“Oi, oi, don’t go getting into trouble for her” Dana glowered. 

One of her only companions suddenly laughed, “That was so weird, Dana, you sounded like a gokudo. Did you pick that up from your fiancé?” 

Dana flustered, not realizing she’d used an inflection of Yamada’s. “U-Uh, s-sort of.” 

Harumi paused, looking around for a moment as if to see anyone were listening, before grabbing her arm. “Hey, wanna go somewhere…dirty?” 

“…No?” 

“I don’t mean dirty-dirty. You know… _adult_?” 

… _What_? Dana gawked, “What…what do you mean?” 

“Oh Dana, don’t be so pure. They sell the kinky stuff, like that new vibrator everyone is talking about! I want one.” 

…What was being said to her right now? Dana was speechless as she was dragged down an alley and into some dark street despite it being daylight outside. Going down a flight of steps, she was now in a sex shop. 

Everything about this screamed ‘mayday’. If someone just happened to see her coming out of this place, forget getting locked up, more like dropped into the middle of the sea. She was more than prepared to tell Harumi she’d wait outside…until something caught her attention. It…looked _sort of_ like…portions…of Yamada. Awkwardly picking up the package, for a long few seconds it crossed her mind…she even wandered into the next aisle over holding it. What the hell was wrong with her? She couldn’t hide sewing needles in her room, how was she going to hide a rubber penis? Shaking her head, she looked up from the apparatus. 

An aisle over, she found one Yagami Yamada, visible over the rack, staring at her, holding a magazine open. Oh. 

They stared at each other in utter silence for probably three minutes straight, wide-eyed. Here she was, holding a simulated penis, and him, perusing porn. She…imagined this shouldn’t be as awkward as it was since they’d had sex at least twice but…this certainly was awkward. 

“Oh wow, Dana, you’re buying something?” 

Dana yelped when Harumi appeared, holding a box. She hid it behind her back like Harumi _wouldn’t_ have seen it. “N-No.” 

“Oh Dana, girls have their needs too” Harumi chastised, holding her shoulders and leading her away. Apparently she hadn’t noticed Yamada… 

“W-Well, I can’t. It’s way too big and my parents would notice.” 

Harumi mused and, though Dana was entirely against the idea especially with Yamada in this very building, led her to some sort of ‘bullet’ vibrator that she could ‘put in her purse’. How horrifying. She felt pressured to buy it somehow…and a little excited about it too. Ugh…Yamada. 

She wandered back out after walking with Harumi home though the girl was reportedly going to tell Zann she bought her ‘toy’ and that he ought to come over. In her parent’s own house. She couldn’t keep _sewing needles_ at her parent’s house. 

Going to Wasaba, much like the last time when she and Yamada ended up sleeping together, his mother let her in on her way out. She was grumbling about Yamada ‘having too much time on his hands’. Jeez, he wasn’t a machine. 

Dana went to his bedroom as usual, her eyes narrowing to find him looking probably at the same porn he’d been looking at back at the store. He didn’t look up, just casually flipping pages. She’d bite. “Hi.” 

“Hey.” 

“Oi, you gotta problem?” Jeez, when’d she say ‘oi’? 

Yamada finally looked at her drolly, his eyes half closed. “Nope, not one.” 

“Could’ve fooled me.” 

“I mean, you’d just rather have a _plastic penis_ than me but I’m cool. I know where I fall on your list.” 

Dana crossed her arms, leveling a similar expression at him. “…It was _rubber_.” 

“Oh, whoop-de-doo.” 

“And it reminded me of _yours_!” 

Yamada snorted derisively, gesturing with one hand to his crotch, “It’s right here in the flesh for you, no need for replicas.” 

She rolled her eyes and sat on the bed with him. He was such a grouch but she could tell that it wasn’t that she was looking at ‘replicas’ that necessarily bothered him. Just the fact that she still felt the need to protect what pieces were left of her ‘sanctity’ for someone she rather despised. She needed alternatives when, as he said, he was very much available. She…she wanted to be available too. 

Rubbing his shoulder, noting he hadn’t even taken his work clothes off, she leaned in and gave him a kiss. “I got a bullet…you wanna watch me use it?” 

He raised a brow and she would have expected him to scoff at this secondhand involvement. “…You know, I don’t think I have gotten to watch a girl use a toy firsthand. Will you let me play with it too?” 

“Yea, sure” she smirked. 

“Well, call me intrigued now. I can add it to my list of sexcapades.” 

Dana groaned, shaking her head. The Horn Doctor himself…and, admittedly, it was a little exciting to have him there to watch. To her surprise, he seemed more perplexed like he was learning something rather than turned on. “The movements are crazy looking.” 

“Thanks, _whore_.” 

She giggled when he kissed her, purring that was ‘Doctor Whore’ to her. She…she wanted _him_ so much but somehow they were able to manage with the…tools given. 

“Yama?” 

He was looking at a textbook rather than porn this time, lying on his side while she fixed her hair. “Hmm…?” 

“I met Harumi’s boyfriend and…and he sells his wares on the street. He told me I should give him some of my work and he’d sell it for me. Is…is that even worth it?” 

“Why not?” he murmured, flipping a page, “At least you’ll have something for a little while to practice what you really want to do.” 

…Right. Live for the moment. “I-I can sell scarfs and socks and bags. It’ll be fun! Oh, and I’ll sew my brand onto them too. I want a fancy name like Versace or Armani. Have you heard of them? They’re new.” 

Yamada sent a smirk at her like she ought to know better. Blah. “Well, those are their names, actually. My name’s so bland though, both of them. Kobayashi, Dana…maybe I’ll cross them into a hybrid name! …Kobada.” 

She made a face. It…wasn’t very attractive. It sounded almost like the name of something mechanical. And then that ‘ko’ meant small…meant that her dream was small. And it was at its smallest point with her just making accessories. Seemed…fitting. 

“Yagada.” 

Dana looked at Yamada, confused. “…That’s…that’s nonsense.” 

“Yup. Just a thought” he yawned. 

But…that’d be her name with _his_ surname. The blond cut his eyes at her as she grasped his wrist, playing with his fingers. “What?” 

“…Nothing. U-Um, I-I can use your last name? It does sound kind of catchy.” 

“You’ll be the best thing to happen to our last name in a long while, kid.” 

She stuck out her tongue but was excited. “I’m going to design a logo to sew into the clothes!” 

Getting a piece of notebook paper Yamada had, she started to scribble designs. Her nose wrinkled at the kanji. It was a pretty name and she liked the symbols, they just…didn’t really jump out at her. 

Dana blinked as Yamada rested his chin on her shoulder, taking a break from whatever science he was reading. “…Nah, use English.” 

“English?? But won’t it be hard for any possible buyers to read?” 

“Maybe?” he raised a brow, “But what is ‘Versace’ or ‘Armani’? I think they’ll look at the stuff then look at the name.” 

That was true…she wrote ‘Yagada’ and Yamada advised for her to capitalize it. YAGADA. “Oh! I like it!” 

He kissed her temple tenderly. “Good. You wanna go get a burger and some fabric?” 

…She…wanted him. Biting her lip, her eyes burning and her chest aching for possibly the umpteenth time, Dana nodded and forced a smile. Yamada looked confused. “What’s wrong? We don’t have to.” 

“I-I know. Yo-You’re just so sweet to me.” 

“Hardly” he scoffed, sitting up completely and stretching, “Doing things you like and enjoy doesn’t make me a saint. You deserve to live your life.” 

…She’d like to. There…there were so many things she desired. Like how after she and Yamada took the burgers back to his apartment after she picked out her fabrics and buttons. He went right back to his books and she started sewing as they listened to music. Earth, Wind, and Fire and Aerosmith today. Dana blushed as he fell asleep with his head rested in her lap again, having turned the radio on when _Night in the Ruts_ was over. ‘Lovely Day’ played as she embroidered ‘Yagada’ into a little tag to sew on her coin purse. It…it was. 

And she hurt on the inside. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

Souma Bryant sighed gravely, looking over some medical records while Yamada did the scheduling. He’d had to stay after hours today and was exhausted. Today he had to deliver a baby, the first in a while. While Yamada had been against it, after he got the mother’s permission, he had his tutee sit in on it. At the very least so Yamada could think about his promiscuous habits and the potential aftermath. Unfortunately, Yamada was fascinated rather than scared away. Well…not unfortunately. If Yamada could handle childbirth without freaking out he could handle the other things he’d come against. 

It was odd but he was rather proud of Yamada. He was a hardworking youth and Souma had been able to recognize a potential in him he’d not seen in any other. The poor kid though, he had years and years of self-defeat. He didn’t think he could do this, listed the reasons why not, had ‘friends’ that held him back from his true height. Now though? He was currently enrolled in college and despite coming in to work a lot more drowsy, there was a clear fire inside of him now. He studied during his breaks and sometimes Souma would catch him looking at his models of systems, naming the parts under his breath. Yamada could do it. 

However, when Souma beamed about him, there still seemed to be some underlying reluctance in the young man. Something was still holding him back and when Souma finally got it out of him, the answer surprised him: ‘my mother’. 

His…mother? It’d been voiced a few times but Souma was hard-pressed to believe a mother would be against her son becoming a doctor. His mother had been proud when he came back with that bit of enlightenment. He then proceeded to work his way through college until he could get into his internship and residency. Yamada scored high enough to get grants he’d pretty much never have to pay back. He was merely working to pay for his _life_ , the school was free. What was there to be against? He couldn’t even imagine what such a being was like. 

There was a knock at the front door. Usually some people would come in for emergencies if they saw the lights were on. Souma guessed he had one more in him. “I’ll be right back, Yamada.” 

The blond nodded as he headed into the main lobby. Undoing the lock, he opened the door and prepared to greet one of his regulars. Instead he paused in confusion. 

…Whomever she was was wearing a long gray rain coat, an umbrella in her hand. It’d been lightly drizzling all day. She had the longest black hair, pulled back into a ponytail and her eyes were like the deep night. What…? 

Unsure what to say at first, not used to being at a loss of words, the woman finally spoke for him. “…I’ll deal more with you later. Where’s my son?” 

Son?? Was she old enough to have a son? “U-Um, no…no children are here right now…” 

She smiled…somewhat. “Cute, you think I don’t have a child old enough to be here right now? Good, we will talk later. For now, where is Yamada?” 

… _Yamada_? This was his mother?! Maybe his sister at most! “U-Uh, h-he’s this way.” 

Taking her down the hallway, Souma shakily opened the door. Well…Yamada was a handsome lad, he just…didn’t expect his mother to be that pretty. 

“Hey, Souma, did you want to see S…oh s—t, what are _you_ doing here?” 

Souma was stunned as Yamada’s easygoing tone immediately shifted to a weirdly defensive voice. His mother gave him a hard look. “Well, I had to _smack_ it out of Shin to tell me where you’re working now and he told me it was this clinic. An ear pinch here, he told me the hours, an ear pinch there he told me why you didn’t take on a second job. School? Really?” 

What?? Yamada stood, appearing annoyed, “So you _beat_ it out of my friends--” 

“Oh please, if I slipped Shin a hundred pieces I would have gotten it out him just as easily. I just wasn’t feeling generous. Now answer my question: you have not mentioned school _once_ growing up and now, suddenly, you want to go to school? What even _for_?” 

The blond looked like he’d rather eat burning coals than tell her. Souma was a little baffled when Yamada relented in this weirdly shamed tone: “…Medical. Doctor.” 

“A _doctor_. Why not go to the moon too, why don’t ya’?” she leered, “I taught you to be more _practical_ than that, Yamada. A job to support yourself is more than enough than wasting time and effort on a pipe dream.” 

A pipe dream! Souma felt defensive as Yamada didn’t say anything. “Excuse me, ma’am, but it is certainly _more_ than a pipe dream. Yamada took two exams and ranked number two out of hundreds on both of them.” 

“Exams! With _what_ money? Money we can use to fill our fridge and he’s using it to take tests?” 

“I can’t believe what I’m hearing!” Souma declared, sincerely aghast, “Your son is going to school for _free_ due to his accomplishments!” 

The woman gave him a look, “ _Time_ is not free, ‘doctor’. For all the time he spends in classes and taking tests and _whatever_ else he needs to do, he can be working _somewhere else_.” 

_Disbelief_ . “You mean to tell me, rather than your son receive a _free_ education in a career where he won’t have to work _two jobs_ ever again, you’d rather him work _two jobs_ for the rest of his life?” 

“You are speaking of a ‘career’ that will take him twenty years to complete. Undergrad, grad school, the internship, a residency—the amount of time he will _waste--_ ” 

“When did learning become a waste of time?! He’s working here _right now_ making enough to support you and himself! What _more_ money?!” Souma demanded, “Let the boy _learn_!” 

Yamada suddenly held up his hands, “It’s okay, Souma…there’s no convincing her.” 

It was _not_ okay! What a dismal point of view! Learning was a ‘waste of time’ because time was much more valuable as ‘money’! Two jobs for the rest of his life, maybe three?! What sense did that make?! No wonder Yamada’s self-esteem dropped when he mentioned her! Her son was capable of _great_ things, why could she not see that? 

Suddenly she crossed her arms, pinning him with a look. “…You seem awfully invested in your underlings, doctor.” 

“I am very much invested in Yamada’s future. He’s a bright young man and…and I won’t stand for even his mother to undermine his abilities. He can do this.” 

She seemed far from convinced…before smiling. What? “Convince me then, doctor. Take me out for a drink and plead your case and Yamada can stay in school.” 

“Thank you for letting me work here, sir” Yamada suddenly bowed before quickly grabbing her arm, “Let’s go.” 

“W-Wait!” Souma blurted, confused by Yamada’s instantaneous response, “I-I don’t mind us sitting down and discussing it over a drink.” 

Yamada looked dismayed. “Doctor…this woman is a _man-eater_. I will not let her destroy you. You’ve been too kind to me to allow that to happen.” 

The woman slapped his arm, glaring, “You stay out of adult’s business, Yamada. I would be…intrigued to hear your doctor’s reasons.” 

“She’s going to try to screw you, doctor! Run!” 

Souma watched in wide-eyed amazement as the woman managed to reach up and slap Yamada’s ears. “I…I don’t know about _that_ but I would more than welcome a drink. When will you be free?” 

“Right now” she replied, shoving Yamada and taking his arm, “You’re paying, right?” 

“Absolutely. You’ll listen in return?” 

She sighed, “I suppose…” 

Now it was Yamada’s turn to look mortified. Souma grabbed his coat and smiled back at his protégé. “Don’t worry, Yamada, you just finish up your work and lock up, okay?” 

“…Okay.” 

…To be honest, he wasn’t sure what Yamada had at risk. His home, perhaps, but if his mother wasn’t convinced by his reasoning, Souma would more than gladly allow Yamada to live at the clinic. There was one unused room with a bathroom so he could just live there if he had to. No, dropping out wasn’t an option. And…well…his mother was pretty if not a little boneheaded. He’d…he’d get it straightened out. 

Hopefully. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

“Tadaima.”   
  
Popuri entered her mini-castle in Mineral around nine. She’d had a lot to finish up at work following her meeting with Mark. It was also difficult because she had a whole lot on her mind. What…what was her husband not remembering?   
  
She frowned when she found Koji weirdly stretched out on his side on the couch, drinking a beer. He usually would have went to his man cave for that…his dark eyes looked to her, half-closed, as he took a long swig of beer. “Okaerinasai.”   
  
Oh God, _he knew_. Somehow he found out. Maybe someone told him. Maybe someone saw them. Had he stabbed Mark? Was he about to question why she was meeting up with her ex? Come up with something, Popuri! 

…Or, maybe, try the truth. She’d…she’d been trying to keep that consistent. Sitting in front of him, she rubbed his hand. “I had lunch with Mark today. He had more information about your stepfather.”   
  
Koji’s brows creased. “…Then why’d the bastard not reach out to _me_? I mean, I don’t want you getting too mixed up in this crazy s—t.”   
  
Hesitant, not sure what was a trigger and what wasn’t if this were even true, she cleared her throat, “He…he told me about a doctor. A doctor that was practicing in 1985. He…apparently was known for clearing out memories. Mark knew a man that had the same memory issue you had the night we went out, that…that a memory just shut you down for a second and then you couldn’t remember it even happening. He believes it’s possible you had that treatment.”   
  
Her husband sat up to stare at her weirdly. “…Someone wiped my memories of Domo? I _remember_ Domo, Popuri, I remember him being a bad person. Just…just not ‘why’ or ‘how’…and I…I did basically forget him, that’s true. But! But…1985? I was four effin’ years old, why? What happened to a four year old that needs it to be erased?”   
  
“Mark and I spoke about that, that the most traumatizing thing he could even think about was some weird action figure…so it does strike me as odd.”   
  
“Oh, the Megatron gun? Yea, that would have been rough. I felt sad to even hear about it…” Koji said absently, looking off. 

“The one thing you two find to commiserate on is a weird toy from the eighties?”   
  
Koji stroked his chin, scowling, “…Well, it’s clear my family’s not gonna tell me a damn thing about it. But…c’mon, my mom and dad know better than that. They know I can get over things. What could it have possibly been they decided was so bad?”   
  
“I…I don’t know.”   
  
He hugged her side and kissed her temple, closing his eyes. “…Don’t you worry, okay? I’m sure whatever it is is like every other thing that gets kept from me. It’ll blow over and I’ll come out better for it. I mean…I can’t even imagine what it is.” 

Yea…that’s…that’s what scared her. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

Hot damn. 

Yagami Yamada was stretched out in his bed, having been pretty absorbed in metabolic processes. Shin had come by one day and read about a fourth of a sentence before saying he was crazy as s—t. It was _interesting_. 

Well, it had been interesting…or was still interesting. Except, his company facing the end of the bed’s skirt was starting to slide up. 

Kobayashi Dana was looking through a magazine, still working on designing things for her sort of fashion debut. She’d apparently spent the week making labels reading Yagada rather than make any actual articles. He supposed that was important for building a brand but he was under the impression this was for fun… 

She had such a nice ass. So round and…what, bountiful? Some of his other idiot friends called it ‘fat’ and ‘disgusting’ when they saw a shapelier bottom but either they were blind or…no, really, just blind. It wasn’t a must, of course, he loved all women’s shapes but it was certainly a plus. Not to mention she kept getting those lacy edged underwear… 

Reaching out, he stroked her upper thigh, trying to stay focused on his studies. They still couldn’t have sex so he was just s—t out of luck. F—k though, her skin was so soft and smooth… 

“Yamada” Dana said in the flattest voice when he gently squeezed a…cheek. She didn’t even look back at him. 

Pouting, he drawled, “What…? I thought you might be cold.” 

Dana did smirk at him for that bulls—t. “Yea, you’re a regular saint.” 

He swallowed, gripping a little tighter when she wiggled playfully, the action even causing the skirt to go up more to reveal her black underwear. Unfortunately… _unfortunately,_ that wasn’t her saying ‘no, stop that’, that was basically her consent. 

Licking his lips, Yamada ran his thumb down her covered folds. F—k, she was getting turned on. She whimpered as he slipped his fingers under the cloth, stroking her with his pointer and middle finger. Yea, this not having sex? Not working. 

“N-No, Yamada, wait…” she whined as he pretty much tossed his book on the floor, grasping her waist and pulling her to sit up. 

“Dana, I want to f—k you. Can I f—k you?” he growled, kissing her hard. 

It probably could have stopped with him, he ought to have had self-control since she was the one that wanted to keep them from having sex. The problem was they both _really wanted_ to shag each other. “Nn, nn, Yama!” 

He…was going to attempt to just get her off. Pulling her to sit on his face and advising her to hold his barred headboard he found for cheap at a thrift shop on his now raised bed, he darted his tongue at her clit and grasped her ass. Damn, he groaned internally, his cock hard. He…wanted just to get her off. 

“Ah, ah!” 

Yamada moaned, his eyes rolling back as he pummeled his hips between Dana’s legs. She was _so wet_. Straddling his waist, she was practically screaming his name as she ran her hands down his back. No, this…this was so damn hard. He was so attracted to her he was going to lose his mind. 

Dana’s head fell back as she choked out a moan. She was such a work out to please, he just… _enjoyed_ that. Jerking out before he shot his load, Yamada trembled and fell on his side. Nope…this no sex thing? Not working. 

“Dana…we have to come to some agreement or something. It’s too simple to say ‘no sex’ because we apparently don’t want there to be _no sex._ ” 

Dana’s pale skin was flushed, her chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath. Yes, this had to be discussed, he was ready for round two already. “Y-Yamada, i-if it were…were up to me, I’d…I’d only choose to have sex with you right now. There’d be no…no discussion.” 

But asshole fiancé, of course. All that bastard was doing was tormenting her. He wouldn’t know if a girl had sex if he saw her come out of a love hotel with another guy. Mind games. 

Sitting up, Yamada rubbed his face before glancing at his ‘night stand’, more miscellaneous box than anything fancy. He had exactly eight one piece coins on it from buying a pack of cigs the other day. 

…Okay. “Okay, Dana. Here’s what we’re going to do.” 

She sat up, her pretty brown curls falling in her face. Mm, damn, he was ready to cash in already. “We’ll both get four coins each. Whenever we want to have… _penetrative_ sex, we have to cash one in. When they’re all gone, we can’t do it anymore.” 

“What?” she scowled, “What if you use yours up first?” 

“I’m a frugal man, kid” he assured, handing her four of the coins. 

Dana stared at them suspiciously for a moment before her brows rose. “Well, when you put it that way, I feel like I have to hold on to them for a rainy day, not spend them willy nilly.” 

“That’s the idea” he nodded. 

She nodded as well before her eyes narrowed. “Wait, _penetrative_ sex?” 

“Well, obviously I don’t _have_ to shaft you. We had fun with the toy thing, right?” 

She groaned, “Yea, but we’ll probably want _more_ …” 

True. Yamada yawned, fishing his book off of the ground. “We’ll do it whichever way you want, kid. I just thought it’d be a little hard to quit cold turkey.” 

“A little…” she sighed. 

Before she could say anything else, there was a knock at the door. His eyes narrowed. Oh yea, tonight. “I’ll be back in about thirty, kid, you work on your line.” 

Dana frowned as he stood to go do a quick wash up. “…Where are you going?” 

“…Out.” 

She looked at him piercingly, “I got that, _smartass_.” 

He smirked at her, snatching his hoodie off the ground. “I’ll be back, Dana, I promise. Don’t worry.” 

The girl pouted, grumbling she wasn’t _worried_ …but she knew. And yea, he hated it too. 

Opening the door for Shin, Yamada yawned, “One sec, I need to wash up.” 

“Wash up?” Shin echoed, standing in the entry, “Dude, we need to get going.” 

Yea, yea. Yamada slightly took his time washing, just to spite the nervous Shin. Oh, he was nervous about being late but not the fact that he was stealing. Yamada stared at the stack of money he had to give away woefully, shaking his head. He could get a new textbook and… _pay his damn rent a month early_ …and… 

“Oi, oi! C’mon!” Shin pressed. 

“Shut your mouth” Yamada grunted, annoyed with him for the umpteenth time as he walked to his bedroom and peeked in, “Kid, I’m going to bring us some dinner, okay? What will help your creative flow?” 

Dana looked up from her sketchbook, currently curled up in his bed. Her eyes brightened, “The mapo-tofu?” 

“Sounds good.” 

“Thank you, Yamachin-n-n.” 

Yamachin, his ass. He made a face at her as she winked. He was literally leaving a girl in his bedroom _not_ to return to have more sex with and, was in fact, going to bring her something to eat. Was his life spiraling out of control? 

Even Shin looked weirded out as they finally left. “…Dana’s here? Isn’t she going to leave?” 

“Nah, she’s working on her ‘line’ or whatever. She can’t do it at home and she’s going to stay the night.” 

“What?? ‘Stay the night’?” Shin echoed, stunned, “You don’t let girls stay the night.” 

“This is the tenth time she’s done so.” Which was actually surprising to him since that was nine times since she almost got shot in his bedroom where she was currently hanging out in. 

Shin lit a cigarette once they were out on the street. Hmm, that was a good idea. After he took a shower, he’d probably be going to bed and Dana wouldn’t care for him smelling like an ashtray. Lighting up as well, he took a draw and pulled his leather coat on over his sweatshirt. 

“Line?” 

Yamada looked to Shin who finally spoke as they headed into South Wasaba, the change always notable though all of Wasaba was a s—hole. It became even more desolate, more…decrepit. The people were far and in-between, nightwalkers and drug dealers the most prominent figures. There were standards even in a bad neighborhood and Yamada was sad to say he was from the middle class of Wasaba compared to South Wasaba… 

Oh. “Fashion line. She likes designing stuff.” 

Shin gave him a languid look. “So you’re plotting to be a doctor and she wants to be a fashion designer. Did you two just choose the hardest s—t you can possibly accomplish?” 

…Certainly he’d run into being defensive of people criticizing him. And sure, he took it personally sometimes but not _all_ the time. What he wasn’t really used to was being defensive of someone else’s abilities. “Dana’s good at it. She made this coat, y’know? And that vest and stuff I was wearing that night, she made all that. She could do it if people stopped trying to hold her back.” 

“It’s _clothes_ though. Who cares?” 

“Not you” Yamada snorted. Or him, really, but this jacket kept him warm so he appreciated it. He didn’t have to be some sort of fashion-type to appreciate having clothing. 

“You’re getting weird, you know that?” Shin remarked, blowing a puff of smoke in the air, “You’re too busy to come and hang at the parties anymore. When you do have free time you’re just hanging around with Dana and then she’s all you talkabout.” 

What! “That is not true.” 

“It is so! You’re changing, man.” 

Yamada’s nose wrinkled at that. Not really? He was just busy. “I’ll show you. Next time you have one of your s—tpit parties, I’ll be there.” 

“Tonight” Shin said dryly as they came to the wrecked old apartment, “I told you yesterday, remember?” 

…Nope. “…I’ll be there.” 

Shin snorted, leading the way up the steps, “You’re going to have dinner with your wife and fall asleep like you’re forty years old.” 

Yamada was going to protest…but honest to God, that sounded amazing. He liked food and sleep. Forcing bravado despite his ambivalence on his presence at this event, he scoffed, “I said I’d be there, didn’t I?” 

“Yea, yea” Shin drawled, knocking on Tomiichi’s door. 

Shaking his head when some flunky slid that view door or whatever open and asked ‘what’s the password?’, Yamada slumped in behind Shin. Place smelled like pot and vomit, he thought in disgust. Nothing about the smell of weed would he describe as pleasant and the two odor’s offspring was like a mutant funk of destruction. They needed to make this quick. 

Tomichii was cutting lines of cocaine with his two strung out groupies beside him. He looked up when they entered, giving that passive smile that made Yamada want to break his teeth. “Oh, is it that time already?” 

Yea? Had he been outside in the last 48 hours? Yamada really had to wonder sometimes. Tomichii held out a straw, “Please, help yourself.” 

Um. Shin took it like the stupid pawn he was and leaned over to sniff it off the coffee table like it was perfectly normal to offer coke like a grandma would offer candy. When Shin offered him the straw, sniffing, he just wished looks could kill. “No.” 

“C’mon, dude” Shin said anxiously. 

“Get the f—k out of here. _No_.” He drew the line at inhaling powder up his damn nose. 

Tomichii held up a hand, “He doesn’t have to, Shin…just leaves more for us.” 

“A-Ah, yes” Shin blurted. 

Ugh. Let’s get this s—t over with. Tomichii took out a book and flipped the pages. Honestly, if it were for anything _aside_ from cocaine and debauchery, Yamada would admit to being impressed by Tomiichi’s accounting abilities. An accountant, a lawyer. All this s—t he had skills for and he wanted to be the leader of a drug dealing gang. 

“Four pounds of cocaine. How much did you sell?” 

Shin reached into his pocket. “All of it.” 

“Oh really? 6875 pieces worth after your cut. Very good.” 

“Well, some guys haggled me and I didn’t get all of it.” 

Every week? Who the f—k haggled for cocaine? This wasn’t like old women haggling at the market for half-priced fruit. Tomichii probably was thinking the precise same thing because they had nearly the same expression. “I see. So how much do you have?” 

“Just three-eighty…but I swear, I’m good for next week! It’ll all be here plus then-some.” 

_3075 pieces_ ? Yamada felt his jaw drop in horror. That was the _rest of his paycheck_. He was trembling with rage while Hisakawa looked unimpressed. “Shin, I’d rather you _keep_ the drugs than give them to s—ts that won’t pay for quality. You better have the full amount next week. We’re up for review by the higher ups.” 

What? Shin blanched, nodding rapidly, “N-No problem, Hisakawa. Every piece will be here next week to the coin.” 

“Good. You can go collect your next batch.” 

Shin went to the room where he collected the ‘product’. This was when Yamada and Hisakawa would conduct business. Seething, trying not to scream in frustration as he took out the wad of cash, Yamada painfully counted out 3075 pieces. He had 1200 left …a respectable amount if he didn’t want to consider he was giving away all his earnings for _nothing_. _Hisakawa_ actually shook his head. “Precisely how long will you stand for this?” 

Yea, how long, Yamada? The amounts were getting more and more out of hand. Hisakawa cut his eyes toward the room Shin was, “He thinks he’s getting away with this, Yagami, that’s why he’s cutting more and more and you’re paying more and more. You need to stop babying that bastard and maybe he’ll learn a lesson.” 

It made him ill but he could almost agree. Alas. “Do you mean ‘teach him a lesson’ or _teach him a lesson_?” 

Hisakawa chuckled, “Well now, I don’t make promises. Your funeral, just thought I’d suggest it. But you may want to keep on his heels this week. The Kamaji Clan will be here to make sure our operations are running correctly. If Shin brings that bulls—t ‘haggle’ story, we all die.” 

UGH. “You’re all f—king nuts. This is our _lives_ we’re talking about and you s—ts treat it like it’s a f—king game.” 

Getting out a cigarette, Hisakawa lit up and took a hard draw. He exhaled from his noise. “I like you, Yagami.” 

Feeling was very much not mutual. “I think you _will_ get out. In fact, I know you will. Week after week, you show up with the right amount of cash to cover your irresponsible friend’s ass and you get that s—t going to work every day _and_ going to school. You asked me before dealing with you if I thought that was a way to do it, I would’ve said ‘that’s the chump way’ but you live on the good side of town and everything. I think you’ll do good.” 

…What? Well. “I…thanks, I guess? Even though you’re still a sh—tty human being, Hisakawa, I…admire your practices. You could be doing well too with all your accounting skills and s—t. Maybe studying’s not for _everyone_ but you’re good at the important stuff.” 

Making a smoke circle, Hisakawa gazed absently into the darkened room. “You ever felt trapped? That you dug a hole and now you’re stuck in it?” 

Yamada’s eyes widened. Eh? Hisakawa chuckled darkly, “Yea. I’m in that hole. I’ll probably die in it too.” 

…Oh. 

Shin returned with a duffel bag full of drugs. Yamada…was kind of struggling to recover from Hisakawa’s remark. “Shin, I am _a thousand_ percent serious: do not bring any of that ‘I got haggled’ baloney when our higher ups are here next week, got it? If we’re not selling it at or above the rates they want, they’re gonna blow us away. Got it?” 

“Y-Yea.” 

…Yamada didn’t want anything to do with that. “Oi, Hisakawa, I probably won’t be here next week.” 

Shin shot a horrified look at him like he was crazy. Yea, he was the crazy one. However, Hisakawa nodded absently. “That’s fine. Or I hope that’ll be fine.” 

…Yea. They walked out and Shin was ready to _explode_. “You can’t just decide when you will and won’t come! Didn’t you hear him? The higher ups of the Kamaiji clan will be there!” 

“I’m off the books. And Hisakawa himself said it was okay, didn’t he?” Yamada murmured. 

“Yea, but--” 

…Kamaji. That sounded super fake. And they would kill Shin for any indiscretion. Yamada sucked his cheek before grabbing the front of his shirt. Shin yelped as Yamada shoved him hard into the wall. “Yama--” 

“Look, you f—k, if you do any deals next week, you do them _clean_ and you bring every flat _coin_ to this place even if you _overpay,_ you got it?” 

Shin’s eyes widened but he nodded. Huffing, Yamada dropped him and rubbed his throbbing brow. A hole. 

That’s precisely what he was thinking when he got sucked into this mess, that he was on the bottom of a chasm and people kept trying to throw him a line that promptly got cut by those there with him. In perhaps a pretentious way he imagined those people put themselves there because they wanted to and abandoned any possible way out. What he would have never imagined was someone throwing themselves into a hole and realizing they weren’t getting thrown a rope but buried there. 

Hisakawa might have thought this bull was a good idea at fifteen, got inducted at sixteen, worked the deals at seventeen, and realized maybe there were _other_ possibilities by eighteen. But by that point his life was entwined with the darkest of societies. It wasn’t like quitting smoking or something. Yea, you’d miss it from time to time and maybe it’d seem easier to start up again but you kind of didn’t like that burn in your lungs all the time and smelling like crap. No matter what hold ups they had, it could be out of your life. Quitting the yakuza though? He’d have to literally leave the _country._ There was no point in Japan where they wouldn’t be trying to find him. 

That…was slightly nauseating to think about. What if one day Shin did have a realization? Didn’t he understand the deeper he got the harder it would be to get out? It sounded like at least remotely Hisakawa reached that point. Did he sympathize with Hisakawa, the same guy that tried to have his mother raped? F—k no. But did he have to admit feeling some tug of empathy for the situation he described? …Yea. 

They walked back to West Wasaba in silence, mostly on Shin’s behalf. Yamada didn’t really have any issues but he could sense his companion did for something he was probably absurdly misunderstanding. When they came to his apartment first, Shin gave him a bit of a side-eye. “Are you still coming?” 

“Dunno, I’m still invited?” 

Shin gave him an irritable expression, “Yamada, I don’t know why you got into this if you’re just going to half-ass it. You still work like a slave for somebody else and then you’ve started this crazy school s—t. You _have_ to see that the math adds up better if you were just selling for Hisakawa!” 

God, he was sorry he even was sarcastic enough to warrant that response. Yes, the math ‘added’ up. It added up _so much_ that he would risk his damn neck stealing from a f—king _gang._ Yamada actually _had_ done the math and, at most, the bastard made a whopping five hundred more pieces than him. Whoop de doo, he could go buy groceries, cigarettes, _and_ booze. Sure, that’s _great_ but the extra cash for booze failed to add up to his _life._

“Look, Shin, Hisakawa and I have a _special_ agreement. I am working for him in a…smaller capacity. I don’t need to take anything seriously because at present our contract is pretty solid. Just worry about _your_ concerns” Yamada grunted, “Now am I invited to your damn party or not?” 

Clearly exasperated, Shin waved a hand, “Yea, yea, you’ve been crazy as hell the whole time I’ve known you so I guess you’re still invited.” 

Pfft. “And if Dana feels like it…?” 

“Bring your _wife_ too.” 

Oh yea, he had to go buy them dinner. “All right, we’ll be by.” 

Running to the store in Subami, he got them some noodles along with the mabo-tofu and some Cokes. While he felt like a good nap, this food smelled really good. He ran up the steps of his apartment and slipped his key into the door. Absently, he called: “I’m back.” 

That was weird too. He got a little creeped when the girl actually skipped out of his bedroom, holding his shirts? “Yamachin, I was taking a break from sewing and decided to fold your clothes.” 

Oi. “Thanks…” 

Dana returned to his room to set the shirts down, coming back out to sit under the kotatsu. “I’m so excited, Yamada! I can’t wait to go get fabric!” 

“Tonight?” he questioned, setting some plates on the table as he set out the food, “I told Shin we’d come to his party.” 

“We can still go to his party but maybe we can get to the store before it closes and then go?” 

Yamada groaned, glancing at the clock. It was already 8 so they’d have to rush this meal. His, he guessed according to Shin, ‘wife’ pouted, “No, we can go tomorrow, that’s fine. I want to enjoy food.” 

He smirked at her, “Let’s eat a little now, go get your fabric, come back and go to Shin’s party, and we’ll eat the rest as a midnight snack.” 

“Okay!” 

After he’d had enough to fill slightly, Yamada set it in the fridge. Dana darted into the room and came out wearing...a tube top? And that skirt she wore from the concert. “Oi.” 

“It’s so cute, right?” she gushed, the article in question decorated with this crazy blue and yellow designs. 

Boobs. Just boobs. He kept his mouth shut though it was rolling around his tongue like a wheel. She luckily put on a coat after putting on her bracelet he got her and they went back into Subami to get her stuff. Normally he’d go in with her but today he stood outside, smoking a cigarette. Looking across the street to a restaurant, he pretended not to see what looked like Dr. Souma and his mother. Yep, did not see that. 

Maybe thirty minutes later, Dana emerged, carrying a huge amount of stuff. “Jeez, woman, I thought you were starting off small.” 

“Mm, maybe.” 

What? He took three of the five bags and they headed back to his apartment one last time. He changed into his Bowie shirt from the concert before they once again ventured into the night down the street to Shin's apartment. When they entered, pretty much all the regulars were already there. Kari, Mina, Jum, Roller, Tep...   
  
It took longer than it respectably ought to for some of them to notice Mariko's absence. In fact, it was mentioned in this bizarrely casual 'has anyone seen Mariko lately?' way like it hadn't been two months. Yamada idly told them she skipped town and then everyone was all panicked. It was the first time in a while since he'd heard from anyone aside from Dana on his house phone in the form of Soseki. Someone had informed him and he called in confusion. Yamada told Soseki bluntly that she left because he made her feel worthless. Now she was out there winging it, doing God knows what and God knows where. Soseki tried to explain to him what he meant but Yamada wasn't the one that loved him so frankly he didn't care. Last he heard the guy was depressed but a writer probably ought to know how to convey their words.   
  
"Hi, Dana" the dopey Tep, Jum, and Roller greeted.   
  
"Y'know, I've known you s--ts for years and you've not greeted me once since she started hanging around" Yamada remarked dryly.   
  
They laughed and joked he wasn't a pretty girl. Yea, he supposed so. Speaking of girls, Mina and Kari came over to give Dana their traditional ‘look’. He guessed his little...whatever with Dana was going on longer than they thought was possible. Alas, Kari begrudgingly complimented Dana's top. Like...did people like wild colors? Was he in some sort of monotone minority here?   
  
Confusingly, Dana requested to speak with them about the tube top or something. What? The girls seemed confused too but they resigned to the couch to talk about clothes. He guessed out of the girls he knew those two would wear the most varied clothing...Tep stroked his chin. "I think my sister would like that top, actually. Where do you think Dana got it? Oh...I bet it's somewhere fancy."   
  
No... "Well, I saw that cloth in my room earlier so I'm pretty sure she made that."   
  
"Wha-a--a?" Tep leered, "No way. No one makes their own clothes anymore."   
  
"Sure did. She made this coat for me too" Yamada nodded, having not taken the leather jacket off just yet.   
  
"Wow, no s--t?" Roller's eyes widened, "That's nice! I've always wanted a brown leather coat. You think it'd be expensive for her to make?"   
  
... "Uh, I...I can ask."   
  
"Ask her about the top too!" Tep chimed in.   
  
Yamada was a little shocked when Jum also wanted a coat but a reddish brown, not brown brown. "Like...I mean, I've...I've been with her to these cloth store places, guys, this s--t is not cheap."   
  
They just told him to get them a quote. A quote? Very much baffled, he wandered back over to the girl who was somehow still sitting with Kari and Mina. He came in time to hear them gushing. "That would be cute. Especially with a tall pair of boots? I'd like it!"   
  
"It'd have to have the right accessories though" Kari frowned thoughtfully, "Like a hat or really clunky jewelry. Ooh, I want one!"   
  
"I'll work out a prototype and bring it by then to see what you both think then. I thought it sounded interesting but wasn't sure. You two always seem to dress kind of fun though so I wanted to see what you thought before I tried" Dana explained.   
  
This little mogul fiend. Yamada smirked as Kari and Mina said they couldn't wait. Dana jumped up to greet him again. "Let's go get a drink!"   
  
As they stood in line, he drawled, “So I have three potential orders for you, hustler. They want a quote.” 

“I’m not _hustling_ ” Dana insisted with a sigh, “But you have to sell your brand, y’know?” 

Nope, not one bit but she certainly worked it and ended up working him too. “Well, if I can give a minor monetary suggestion, I’d say quote them low enough that you can still make a profit.” 

“I’d probably make it free for Tep, Roller, and Jum though.” 

“Um, excuse you, only _I_ get free clothing around here.” 

She shoved him with a laugh, finding themselves before the table of alcohol. Dana suddenly pointed at one bottle in particular. “I don’t want you to _ever_ drink that again.” 

“What? I remember I had like a cup of it--” Yamada scowled. 

A guy named Mick that he knew in passing suddenly snickered, waiting to grab some snacks. “That’s wake up dead poison there, brother. That’s basically _moonshine_.” 

Yamada gawked, “I’ve had moonshine and I don’t even _remember_?” 

Dana gave him a look but he was kind of disappointed. That was like the forbidden drink and here his stupid ass had had it and he couldn’t even remember. Of course, according to what he was like from Dana, it probably wouldn’t have been anything he was proud of…so he grabbed a bottle of Bacardi and concocted a drink for him and Dana. He went to go chat with ol’ Ole for a bit when she excused herself to go talk to the dopes. When…precisely had he become comfortable bringing her around these s—ts? 

“She’s stuck around longer than a lot of the rich chicks here for a thrill” Ole remarked, drinking a beer and looking to where Dana was comfortably conversing with people. 

“Yea, it’s been a year since we met already. Two next winter.” 

Ole blinked at him, “Will there be a next winter, you think?” 

…Oh. Maybe not. “Well, it…was fun while it lasted. She’s been so much more different than most of the girls I’ve been around, y’know? Gets me into some crazy bulls—t but she’s always really confident in me for no good reason.” 

“Nah, man” Ole chastised, “Any girl can keep you where you already are, where you’ve always been. It’s different when she’s taking you to another level.” 

Yea, and here he was bringing _her_ down to the level he’d always been while she sent him to start toward f—king medical school. He felt sick again. 

He did a shot with Ole before going to see what she was talking about before maybe convincing her to leave…and _once again,_ she was smoking pot. “Damn it, Dana” he grunted, snatching the blunt from her. 

“Dude, she has taken _five hits_ and _nothing_! That’s nuts” Tep gasped, “She’s like you!” 

No, this blunt was different. Yamada inhaled just to verify and made a face. It had _something_ else in it. Dana must’ve taken five hits under the impression it would be like last time. “We probably ought to go.” 

“No way! Let’s dance!” Dana insisted. 

Ugh. Handing the joint back to Jum, Yamada knew he’d be at least slightly loopy off of it in a few minutes. Dana tugged him to get another drink and this time _she_ made some kind of absolute monster for both of them. He was reluctant out of his mind because at least one of them needed to be coherent but she was very insistent he try it. Oh boy. 

Shin joked that once Yamada was drunk he was a regular ‘twinkle toes’. Yamada told him to go piss himself as response usually. However, as he was ever so slightly lucid and dancing with Dana to Rod Stewart, he probably was feeling himself more than usual. As he expected, Dana was not immune to everything and was squealing, feeling him up because Rod Stewart told her to. 

It _probably_ would’ve been okay if some overly excited dancer didn’t pass him another joint. Apparently no regular just weed cigarettes were going around here because he was definitely getting hit pretty hard. As soon as Van Halen played on whatever mixtape was going he was almost aggressively making out with Dana. _Please, don't ever let me be, I only wanna be by your side. Please, don't ever let me be, I only wanna be by your side. Girl, you really got me now,  
you got me, so, I don't know what I'm doin', yeah. Oh yeah, you really got me now, got me, so, I can't sleep at night. _

F—k, her legs were wrapped around his waist while they were still standing. Holding her up, he groaned as their lips clashed hard. Her tongue was flicking roughly in his mouth as he struggled and lost reason. Reaching up her skirt and grasping her ass, Yamada managed to find an empty couch. While it’d probably be a better story if they were the only ones getting frisky, they were not in the minority… 

She kept grabbing his dick and somewhere in the back of his head he was thinking about coins. Oh! “W-Wait, we-we have to-to use coins for this.” 

Dana pretty much ripped his shirt off, biting his lower lip. “I’ll use every f—king coin, I don’t care.” 

It just felt like all limbs as he hugged her close to his body, her legs wrapped around his hips while he slipped inside of her. She was moaning, rasping his name and breathy little ‘yeses’ with each thrust. It was all the craziest blur he could ever recall having. He probably…no, _definitely_ came and so did Dana… _twice_ but the last thing he recalled was dragging his coat on top of them before curling her in his arms as they went to sleep right there. 

…Oops. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_Fuck._

_Yagami Yamada squinted, hearing some eerie Pink Floyd-type music in the background when he awoke. Now…where was he waking up? Lifting his head, he found he was on Hamasaki Shin’s couch, half-naked, with Dana in his embrace. Okay, so he felt a wee bit sticky…_

_Damn it! They must’ve done something, Dana’s undergarments were on the floor. Sitting up, annoyed with himself for getting that incoherent, Yamada looked down at Dana. She was fast asleep and looked like she didn’t have a care in the world. Well…if there was one comfort it was that she could have some stress-free moments. Kissing her temple gingerly, he covered her with his coat._

_Yamada stepped over the multiple bodies lying on the floor, snoring and in multiple stages of undress. The ones that always scared him, even when he partied harder than he did now, were the ones that were still up despite it being five a.m. according to Shin’s clock. His eyes narrowed as one guy helped another tie off his arm to shoot up. Yea, no._

_Going to get a drink of water as he headed into the kitchen, Yamada stopped in the entry._

_Jum was also one of those frightening people in his book. He was an operating drug addict, as in, yea, he’d get messed up tonight on all sorts of drugs and be at work at his dad’s pachinko shop the next day. From the little studying Yamada had done this was not even supposed to be possible but the guy wasn’t even stealing from his dad on insane binges. Yamada would know because his dad would have strung his son up in front of the store if a token was out of place. It was disturbing. And more disturbing was watching Shin deal some packs to him._

_“C’mon, man, don’t you think that’s a little steep?” Jum complained._

_Shin gave him a look, “Don’t I have good s—t, Jum? Have I ever gave you any half-assed s—t? The price hasn’t changed since the beginning.”_

_Jum sighed, exasperated, “Fine, fine.”_

_Yamada stared as Jum handed Shin 700 coins for maybe three grams. 300. That was the market value that Hisakawa recommended. ‘The price hadn’t changed since the beginning’…meant that Shin had been upcharging AND undercutting Hisakawa._

_It was all Yamada could do not to go sack that thieving piece of s—t in the eye. First to be dealing that s—t to friends they’d always had and then to be charging him more to line his f—king pockets. All in all, he was making MORE money that way and was still making it necessary for Yamada to save his dumb ass. The f—k!_

_Turning back out of the kitchen, Yamada went over to Dana and gently shook her awake. Her dark eyes stared up at him drearily, confused. “Y-Yama…? Where…where are we?”_

_“Mm, don’t worry about that, princess” he murmured, helping her up and grabbing her undergarments off the floor._

_Yamada got her into her jacket and hugged her close to his side as they left. He’d need a monumental amount of time to cool off after that. The sun was already rising outside so it didn’t feel as dangerous but there were plenty of hookers and lingering dealers to make him feel a little cautious with his half-asleep girlfriend._

_Nonetheless, they made it back to the apartment with no issue. He decided just to carry her up as she was clearly still a little impaired, having slurred ‘where are we going?’ in the midst of their journey. Man, it wasn’t that bad a night until then although him and Dana drunk stoned shacked up. It just…couldn’t get worse._

_When he opened the door, he found Dr. Souma sitting on the couch on the other side._

_…So Yamada tried to imagine all this faith and confidence the good doctor had in him as a person. This man spent an exorbitant amount of time and effort in trying to make him the person he could be. Now he was trying to imagine seeing this person all this effort and toil went into come into the house at five in the morning with a wrinkled shirt and holding a girl’s panties. Oh, and the girl who was now pretty much unconscious in his arms, her head slung back and her mouth agape with audible snoring escaping it? That was one of his dearest client’s under-aged granddaughters wearing a loosening tube top and leather skirt whom was blackout drunk. Yea, he had to say his life was legitimately spiraling out of control now._

_Souma indeed stared at them like they were some sort of horror show. “U-Uh, D-Doctor. Hi.”_

_“What is going on?” he demanded in lieu of greeting, “Is Dana okay?”_

_“Um, she’s…just tired. We had a long night, haha…”_

_Souma gave them a hard look, “Is she DRUNK, Yamada?”_

_“…Um…probably…not anymore?”_

_“Kids will be kids, Souma.”_

_Yamada looked up, not certain he’d ever been thankful to have his mother’s interjection as the woman appeared in a robe from the bedroom…_

_…Wait a damn minute here._

_Souma’s expression changed from irritation to horror when the tides shifted. “Wait a second, what are you doing here at five in the morning, doctor?”_

_His, for all purposes, manager laughed awkwardly, holding up his hands. “It’s…it’s not **exactly** what it looks like.”_

_Yamada’s mother came and sat beside him, petting his hand, “Doctor, you should assure him you made a very… **convincing** case for him being able to go to medical school. I think all that anatomy studying made for some very useful techniques.” _

_Yep, this night fell through rock bottom to Hell. Souma was bright red and smiled weakly, “…Let’s…just call this night even and never mention it again, okay?”_

_“Y-Yes, sir.”_

_“But, please, make sure Dana gets some water. She’s probably going to be dehydrated.”_

_Yamada nodded in agreement and quickly escaped to his room to lie Dana in bed. Undressing her and putting her in one of his shirts, he figured he ought to get her up to wash up after their romp…_

_Wait. He stared down at her for a moment before realizing he…didn’t pull out._

_Damn! What the hell was wrong with him tonight?! Drunk sex, stupid friends, not even jerking out—ugh, he had to go to sleep._

_Yamada washed up, quickly going through the living room to the bathroom, before grabbing a glass of water for Dana. Crawling into bed with her, he rested his arm over her waist and stared at the back of her head. This…this wouldn’t do._

_No part of him desired to see his friends take advantage of other friend’s addictions and money. No part of him wanted to get so messed up and drunk that he could barely remember sleeping with his pseudo-girlfriend and shoot an entire load into her—and who knows how many times, at that. Then, they must’ve had sex on the couch, just out in the open, after smoking weed and drinking cheap liquor. This…this wasn’t what he wanted to bring her into. It…it was starting to be what he wanted no part in either._

_Closing his eyes, Yamada felt her snuggle into his chest and briefly reopened them. He…_

_…He wanted better for them._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_Fuck you. Piece of shit._

“You know, your father and my music wasn’t generally this mean and angry.”   
  
“Your music was afraid to be mean and angry.”   
  
_Anger inside. Builds within my body. Why you hit me? What have I done? You tried to hit me._   
  
Yagami Koji had an incredibly warm spot for his mother. Really, he’d just about die for her. Thing was…why? 

It…really struck him today. To be perfectly fair, his mother was almost as much of an enigma to him as his father. Hell, the more he recounted, it seemed like his dad was at least more prone to listen to him, at least. They talked about stuff like being angry or why he should be more forgiving of himself. No, it wasn’t about Yagami Yamada but at least his dad…talked about it. 

_Try and hit me again if you like. Throw your hate at me with all your might. Hit me 'cause I'm strange; hit me. Tell me I'm a pussy and you're harder than me. What's with you boy? Think hard. A tattooed body to hide who you are. Scared to be honest, be yourself. A cowardly man._

His mother, mind, she was the type that wanted to see him reach his best. She wanted him to be safe and well-fed and healthy. That was a mother ten times over for him. Just she…was quite often the one that didn’t like to talk about things. He remembered once when he got into a fight and she smacked him good, swatting his knuckles. She’d say ‘your hand hurts, doesn’t it? Imagine how it feels when that same hand full of bones hits someone’. It was perfectly sensible but he hadn’t been given the opportunity to tell her they said they’d come by his house while he wasn’t there to take turns boning her. He didn’t give a flying fuck how much a ruler against his knuckles hurt, he was going to punch in a bastard’s face when they said shit like that. 

_I don't run around, trying to be what's not within me. Look into my eyes: I am free; you’re just a wannabe._

He asked. He asked, damn it. He didn’t say anything about them doing some sci-fi brain wipe in the freakin’ eighties but he did suggest maybe something was wrong with his head that he didn’t remember. He voiced it like it was something wrong with him that he didn’t remember Domo when everyone else did. 

His stupid siblings just fell quiet. Assholes. Fucking assholes. The reason he had to reanalyze his relationship with his mother was because his dad? He seemed prepared to say _something_ at least. His mother literally shut him the hell down. The poor man just fell quiet before looking at his phone and excusing himself silently back to the hospital. Koji got so pissed he went back to his little room away from everyone and started blasting Korn’s first album. It wasn’t one of his favorites but nothing was his favorite right now.   
  
Like he generally allowed, his mama would come in and tell him to calm down, that there was no reason for him to be angry at all. Really? He shouldn’t be angry he didn’t remember not one damn thing about his stepfather and it was now a logical theory that his parents washed his memories? No. Usually he let her coax him to calm and bury all his rage but today? No thanks. 

She glowered at him lightly as he drearily listened to the aggravated stories of one of his favorite bands. They got anger. They got that stuff made people angry. They got that but literally _no one else did_. Maybe his dad but he was forever the pawn in this circus. Then again, who the hell was Koji to talk? Apparently they were sitting right together on the chess board that was the Yagami family. 

Yagami Dana sat down in front of him, pinning him with a hard look. “Koji…I am asking you as your mother just to let this blow over. None of it will even matter soon. We’ve spent over fifty years not even remembering this man. He is _not_ important and no one you should even fret about not having memories of. Can’t you believe me?”   
  
…He could. He could believe her. In reality, he hadn’t thought one damn thing about this man. With everything that happened in his life, why would he? Just to think that…that he had situational amnesia? He couldn’t stand it. Yes, no, he was not going to break down not remembering this guy but now it felt important. It may have been important enough for either his family to have gotten rid of in some magical witchcraft mental spell or for him to have suppressed. That…that was important. 

“…Whatever, mother. If you think me knowing things is such a problem, I’ll just be your puppet for a little while longer.”   
  
“Koji.”   
  
Shutting his eyes to shut the conversation down, he just rocked in his chair and listened until Helmet in the Bush. Usually he cut it off by that point, he didn’t want to listen to a seventeen minute track of pure angsty screaming. He frowned, his finger poised to change the tracklist via his phone. Steiner, his oldest son-in-law, said it was the first song by Korn he’d ever heard and that it kind of deeply affected him. Koji had admitted he hadn’t really listened to it much…well, since he was killing time ignoring his asshole family. 

__Mother, please forgive me. I just had to get out all my pain and suffering. Now that I am done: remember I will always love you. I'm your…son.  
  
Koji grimaced a little at that considering Steiner’s history. He listened, closing his eyes, wondering what he’d thought when he heard this. 

_Little child, looking so pretty. Come out and play, I'll be your daddy. Innocent child, looking so sweet. A rape in my eyes and on your flesh I'll eat._

_You've raped! I feel dirty. It hurt! As a child. Tied down! That's a good boy. And fucked! Your own child I scream! No one hears me. It hurt! I'm not a liar. My God! Saw you watching Mommy, why?! Your own child._

_Little child, looking so pretty. Come out and play, I'll be your daddy. Innocent child, looking so sweet. A rape in my eyes and on your flesh I'll eat._

_You've raped! I feel dirty. It hurt! As a child. Tied down! That's a good boy. And fucked! Your own child. I scream! No one hears me. It hurt! I'm not a liar. My God! Saw you watching Mommy, why?! Your own child._

_It's all right…_

Koji stared into the dark night out of the bay window. Darkness…why…darkness? 

_You've raped. I feel dirty. It hurt as a child. Tied down. That's a good boy. And fucked your own child. I raped. No one hears me. It hurt as a child. Tied down. No one hears me. And fuck your own child. . I raped. No one hears me. It hurt as a child. Tied down. No one hears me. And fuck your own child. . I raped. No one hears me. It hurt as a child. Tied down. No one hears me. Mommy, why? Your own child…_

Why…so much…darkness? Koji blearily stared around, confused. It was…so dark. Where…where was everyone? Where…where was the light? 

_I didn't touch you there. Mama said she didn't care. I didn't touch you there. That's why mommy stopped and stared._

_Little child, looking so sweet. I’ll rape your mind and on your flesh I’ll eat._

_You've raped! I feel dirty. It hurt! As a child. Tied down! That's a good boy. And fucked! Your own child. I scream! No one hears me. It hurt! I'm not a liar. My God! Saw you watching Mommy, why?! Your own child._

_You've raped! I feel dirty. It hurt! Not a liar. Tied down! That's a good boy. And fucked! Daddy, your own child! I scream! No one hears me. It hurt! I'm not a liar. My God! Saw you watching Mommy, why?! Your own child._

_It hurt! I'm not a liar! My God! Saw you watching Mommy, why?! Your own child!_

_I scream! No one hears me! It hurt! I'm not a liar! My God! Saw you watching Mommy, why?!_

He…didn’t…understand this darkness. 

He didn’t understand… 

  
**End Notes:**

Will probably miss quite a few but I’ll give it a go.   
  
Darryl? A certain crazy scientist Darryl? 

My oldest bro was actually around 10 in 1985 and he was excited to see the old ‘80s cartoon for Transformers on Netflix. I had seen like…Beast Wars and knew about the movies series and I can name characters but I never bothered with the cartoon. I had to laugh though when Megatron turned into a gigantic gun and one of them turned into, of all things, a cassette player. My bro said only the cool kids had those action figures and it was just so weird… 

Harumi is mentioning the infamous Hitachi apparatus. 

Zann is indeed based off of Zann from Hero of Leaf Valley. He got edited over here to avoid the friendly savage stereotype. I think they made him white? I don’t know, but he’s melanin-gorgeous here and not riddled with Tarzan-linguistics. Let’s not do that. Of course, maybe, just maybe, he’s related to some of our ‘southern islanders’. 

I was a bit shocked to learn Versace and Armani are actually _that_ young. 

Rod Stewart telling Dana to feel Yamada up refers to ‘Do Ya Think I’m Sexy?’. 

Don’t own Van Halen’s cover of The Kinks “You Really Got Me” or the above. 

Koji’s listening to ‘Clown’ by Korn in the first sequence of the last section. The last song on the album is ‘Daddy’ which the first lyric appears in the first chapter of Yuki. 


	7. Humility

**Chapter 7** : Humility   
  
**WARNING FROM HERE FORWARD: IF YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE BY CERTAIN THEMES, I WOULD TREAD CAUTIOUSLY. FROM HERE ON, THINGS ARE GETTING LESS VAGUE.**

OTHER WARNINGS: LISTEN, THIS STORY MAKES ‘THIS LOVE’ LOOK LIKE A BARNEY THE DINOSAUR EPISODE. **_SEX AND DRUGS FOREVER_**. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

Ugh, Koji.   
  
Nelly leered into the room Koji was sitting, listening to Korn. Made perfect sense if they were still fifteen but damn, c’mon. He’d pretty much dismissed their mother too. When mom stopped working, this wasn’t going in the direction it should. 

Popuri scowled as she entered the room with tea. “What a sad, awful song. Why is he listening to this?”   
  
“It’s Koji, who knows?” Nelly rolled his eyes. 

To be perfectly honest, he tuned it out to think of other things and he wasn’t sure he’d actually ever heard this one in Koji’s repertoire. It wasn’t important. He thought. 

_It hurt! I'm not a liar! My God! Saw you watching Mommy, why?! Your own child!_

Ugh, this was insane. About to tell his brother to shut off the melodrama and come sit with them like he ought to, Nelly turned to the room and paused. 

_I scream! No one hears me! It hurt! I'm not a liar! My God! Saw you watching… Mommy, why?!  
  
_ Koji had fallen face forward out of the chair, huddled up and screaming and sobbing. They all just stood there, dumbfounded. What…was his game? Only Popuri rushed to her husband in horror. “Kochi?! Kochi, what’s the matter?!”   
  
He started…shaking and Popuri shrieked that someone call an ambulance. It just…it just couldn’t be. 

…Why? 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

“You did _what_?” 

Kobayashi Dana was trying not to fall over with her horrific headache. Today. Today was the day she swore this body would not see another drop of alcohol as long as it existed. When she woke up, Yamada was already up with a light broth and water. She threw up _all of it_. How does someone throw up water and broth?! 

If it were just that though, whatever. Her body wanted a fight, it’d get a fight. No, Yamada informed her that when they were both drunk and apparently high that he ejaculated inside of her. 

The sex education they received made her look like a fool in front of Yamada because she’d shrugged, said she was too young to be pregnant. Her somewhat boyfriend stared at her and slowly drawled: “ _Dana…my mom had me at sixteen. The second your body hit puberty you became susceptible to pregnancy.”_

But surely her body recognized she wasn’t even completely done _growing_ to properly have a baby. Yamada just gave her a mortified expression. Bah! The body was smart! 

Either way, she went out to get fabric for Tep, Jum, and Roller’s orders. She’d quoted Tep a hundred pieces for the shirt for his sister and three hundred for Jum and Roller’s coat. They’d actually been delighted with the prices. Well, there was a sale on brown leather so she’d still break even. 

Yamada was still insistent she take something in case she were pregnant. She didn’t know about that stuff so she called Harumi to see if she were available. It was a risk but perhaps she could pretend she was asking for someone else. 

However, when she met the girl at one of the upper-class bistros, she apparently could already recognize a hangover right off. She seemed…amazed. “So you went to a party, got drunk _and_ high? Wow, Dana, I would have _never ever_ thought you had it in you.” 

Dana made a face, drinking oolong tea. She wouldn’t be surprised if she lost this too. “Never again.” 

“Who’d you even go with?” 

…Well, whatever. Her parents thought Hachiko was a liar anyway so if Harumi did tell her it wouldn’t be too big a deal. “You remember the guy Hachiko introduced us to, Yamada?” 

“Yea, I think I saw him somewhere recently. Why?” 

Dana rubbed her forehead, groaning, “I…I went with him.” 

“Oh yea, you guys are friends, right? ,,,Uh, just friends? I think I see some hickeys there.” 

Hickeys?! Dana squeaked and quickly zipped her coat up more. How on Earth would she hide _those?!_ She would have to cover them with powder, ugh. Harumi’s eyes widened, “No _way_. You’re hot and heavy with him? _You_?” 

Sulking, she grumbled, “I am _trusting_ you with this information, Harumi. And yes, Yamada and I are regular…sluts in the sack and I hate it!” 

Harumi laughed, “Well, you can’t hate it that much! That’s so great, Dana, you are human.” 

Bleh. “It’s…it’s just temporary. We can’t be together forever.” 

“Domo’s a sack of crap though, Dana” Harumi’s nose wrinkled, “I swear, any time he’s at my dad’s dinner parties he’s the most pretentious human being alive and he’s just miserable. I don’t know much about Yamada but he’s got to be beating that somehow.” 

It was her stupid fault last night. Yamada didn’t make her smoke and really none of his friends did either. She just thought she was ‘cool’ for being, she assumed, not affected. Then the liquor she insisted he drink which was apparently some heinous amount of booze that shouldn’t have been concocted? The night went to s—t because she wasn’t being mindful. 

Except her Yamachin, he rubbed her back when she threw up and made her more broth and water. He probably had things to do but he lied in bed with her for hours. He went to do his laundry after she left but warily walked her here, concerned. Her gruff sweetie that made her heart hurt. 

“Oh, Dana, don’t cry. I wasn’t being mean, I promise.” 

But it was _true_. Yamada _was_ better and even if they didn’t end up together forever without a fiancé in the picture, at the very least she’d want the option. She wanted to be able to say ‘I choose him’ now. If…if she’d not met him, she wouldn’t have cared. She wouldn’t have known any different… 

“I-I’m okay. So we…we had unprotected sex last night. W-What should I do?” 

Harumi made a face. “Does it matter? Your body’s smart enough to know not to get pregnant.” 

Absolutely! She knew Yamada was worrying over nothing. Dana nodded, “I thought so but Yamada was worried about it.” 

“Well, boys obviously wouldn’t understand” Harumi sighed. “Zann still wears a condom though. He’s so squeamish.” 

“Doesn’t it feel weird?” Dana questioned. Yamada said he was going to buy some but it didn’t sound very fulfilling. Not that they could have sex many more times now, he dropped a coin in for last night. Seven more… 

“Really weird. Not comfortable at all. I hope I can convince him not to soon.” 

Dana nodded some and they chatted about it more. While she didn’t really have anyone she spoke to except Yamada, speaking candidly with her for once about her relationship as well was nice, even if she did rat to Hachiko. Harumi looked offended when she mentioned it. “I wouldn’t tell that racist cunt her grandfather died if I knew first.” 

Ouch. Well, if that was a true declaration, she could believe it. Dana smiled when Zann came to get her. The boy was excited to hear she was working on things and she’d have it done in a week or two. 

Watching the two openly walk out holding hands, Dana wandered to the fabric store after. She spent time picking the fabric out and even a few miscellaneous things. She’d like to make Yamada a grey button up shirt. Dark colors suited him. 

And she ventured back to their secret place in the mysterious neighborhood of Wasaba, a place she was told never to venture, where she lived in plain sight the way she wanted to. 

…Funny how that worked. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

‘The world used to be a better place when we were coming up, Yamada. They saw things for what they really were. At the end of the day, aren’t you some half-blood piece of shit from the slums?’ 

Yagami Yamada stared at the text for a long moment, sitting in the sanctuary that was his own private office in the hospital. He personally wanted to sling it across the room. Tonight wasn’t going well. 

Dana had them all go over to ‘protect’ Koji some more. To his horror, his son seemed to be…on to something. He talked tactfully around the fact that it was just _his_ memories that were affected and that seemed kind of problematic. Koji was nothing if not practical in the conversation. Yamada…Yamada had felt this was as good a time as any. 

“ _No. Nothing is wrong with you. Stop thinking that, Yamada! You know he’s fine!”_

Of course he was. Everything was just so peachy. She proceeded to talk at Koji but really to him to stop being ridiculous. This…was the perfect opportunity. She didn’t see it because she thought everything would go back to normal after a while. How? What? Koji was just going to let this boil over? Maybe he would but it didn’t work that way. He’d dig. He’d keep digging and eventually something would come to light. This was the _perfect_ opportunity. 

Whatever. It was really Domo’s text that summoned him back to the hospital. Yamada was yet to respond to any of them but this one kind of…grinded his gears to say some retort. _Really_ grinded his gears. However, he wouldn’t deign give this monster a response. That’s what he wanted the most. 

…He should have gone to the gym. That was better than sitting in the dark. One made him feel better than the other but it was something to do. He…he didn’t know what to do now but bide his time. It was coming. In one way or another, disaster was coming. 

Standing, about to walk out, his phone suddenly rang. He looked down and found it was Dana. He…never really got angry with Dana anymore. Perhaps that was half the problem. Clicking ‘send’, he answered softly: “Hello?”   
  
“Yamada, Koji had a seizure. We’ve brought him to your hospital.”   
  
What? Yamada’s eyes widened, startled, “But…is he okay? No, never mind, I’ll come.”   
  
Clicking off without delay, he made his way to where he knew they’d take Koji, heavy hearted. This…this was the beginning. 

What do they do now? 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

“Yamada!” 

Yagami Yamada looked over his shoulder when Souma Bryant rushed into the room where he was sterilizing instruments. So…his life took _another_ weird turn. 

_“Yamada, I need to speak to you.”_

_He’d been mopping the floors that day when the dark-haired man approached him with marked reluctance. Yamada’s initial thought was his ass was about to be fired. Yea, it’d been about a week and a half since that whole Dana slash sleeping with his mother debacle but…well, that was pretty mind-blowing. He ultimately wouldn’t be surprised if the doctor couldn’t stop thinking about how irresponsible he was in his little free time._

_Alas, Souma nervously tapped his fingers together. “S-So, um…your mother and I have been seeing one another a little more than I presumed.”_

_Yea, a little bit too much ‘seeing’. “Yes, sir…”_

_“I mean, mind, she’s a strong-willed woman and very stubborn. A little too pragmatic but I did manage to get her to relent to at least being neutral about your school path.”_

_Surprisingly. He was pretty sure that was ONLY the shagging though and, disturbingly, if she could happily read the paper while he openly studied in front of her instead of not working a second job, Souma’s bang job must’ve been impressive._

_“So, uh…what are you trying to say, doc?”_

_“Well, since she is your mother and I’ve taken you in as my sort of protégé, I’d feel remiss to not ask if you’d be okay with us…dating.”_

_Yamada had died a little. “Doctor, my mom? She does not ‘date’. She hooks up. I don’t think she knows what dating is. I wouldn’t be here otherwise.”_

_Souma followed him as he towel dried the tile floors. “She’s been quite candid about that, Yamada, and she’s very insistent she’ll only see me.”_

_Yea, he’d heard that one before. She told Kinta that on the phone when Reiji was over after telling him they were an item while waiting to call Ren. His mother’s player game was flawless and he’d been alive for every second to see it. He realized recently that’s probably literally where he got all his bad relationship habits. Or lack thereof. People were literally just for a quick snog or shack up, not forever or even a month. For as screwed up as his rendezvous with Dana was, it was his healthiest example yet._

_“Doctor” Yamada groaned, his mind reminding him of **all** the wrong his mother did, “I genuinely and sincerely respect you. You have been the most positive male figure in my entire life and **I** would be remiss to tell you getting involved with her is a good idea. I’d be very upset if she did badly by you because you’ve done so much for me. Please reconsider.” _

Of course, Doctor Souma was all moved he basically admitted he was probably the closest thing to a father he’d ever had and said he’d take his words into account. Yamada knew when he saw him that next week at their apartment it was no use though. A wonderful doctor at the end of the day was still a human with needs and frankly Yamada had never seen the man with any plans of any sort to do anything outside of his career. If his mother could remain _quasi_ respectful until she dumped him like a ton of bricks, he’d…probably be okay with it. 

As of right now, his ‘dad’ had the biggest smile on his face. “I have a mandatory overtime opportunity for you, Yamada.” 

Mandatory? “Uh, I’d be more than willing to oblige more money, Souma, but it’s a little rough with school.” 

“Oh no, nothing like that” he shook his head, sitting in a nearby chair, “It’s a party.” 

Mandatory overtime partying? “I…see.” 

“This is your first step, Yamada. This is the time I need to get you out there and introduced to the ones that will help you open doors. You’re just starting school but if you can start garnering experience early it’ll put you one step ahead of the game.” 

… _Oh_. “Doc, I can’t go to those fancy pants parties. I’m a poor kid from Wasaba and it’ll show like hell. They’ll sit me with some fancy dinner and I’ll be confused what fork to use, I’m that dumb.” 

“It’s not a sit down dinner, Yamada, it’s more like an hors d’ouerves and wine affair. Schmoozing.” 

Damn, he hated schmoozing. Shin did that s—t, that thieving sack of crap. “Doctor--” 

“C’mon, Yamada, please? It’s at seven pm on a Saturday, you’ll have all day to sleep after class and the next day entirely off. I know it’s a lot to ask of you but I think it’s very important. And my dad will be there and he’s really interested in meeting you.” 

Hold on, the one-eyed guy from World War II was going to be there?! Yamada’s eyes widened and Souma groaned. “And whatever it is you’re imagining, double it by a thousand.” 

What? Souma looked wistful, “It’d be nice if mama made him at least wear pants.” 

WHAT? Yamada was waiting for him to laugh and say he was messing around but the man just gazed off in a daze, shaking his head. This was a trauma. “U-Um…well, I…I guess the least I can do is meet your dad. I’m not crazy about this ‘schmoozing’ with people but if you request.” 

“Great!” Souma gushed, returning to his usual vigor, “I’ll see if I can get you a suit.” 

… “Nah, I’m good. I have something.” 

“Oh, good! I’ll swing by to get you around 6:30.” 

Great, and now his ‘dad’ was picking him up too. Nodding simply, Yamada continued his task. Man, Dana usually came to his place on Saturday to work on her clothes. Her pattern crazy ‘romper’ or whatever was a smash hit with Kari and Mina. And Dana gave it to them free if they would only tell people who might ask who made it and they were going for 220 pieces in whatever color or pattern they wanted. _And_ she offered them a hundred piece finder’s fee. So, as of right now, she had ten orders and counting. Mina and Kari were even making a game of who could advertise more. Both were kind of known in Wasaba as pot dealers and were decent at it for…various reasons. Alas, Yamada had to admit he’d never seen them happier. They were genuinely enjoying this role and Dana suggested they model or become marketers. 

The girls laughed and said they couldn't have jobs like that. Dana asked 'why not?'. Kari and Mina didn't seem to have a response but Yamada knew why: Wasaba didn't give the ideal for potential. Kari would make a gorgeous model and Mina could sell circles around Shin if she actually wanted to sell cocaine. Clothes seemed like the safer bet. 

Kind of a drag though. Once she was done with all that, they...they did stuff together. Not much sexy stuff now since they implemented the coin system but fun things again. Oh, and this Sunday they were having some sort of festival he thought she'd like. Maybe. He’d asked when she called tonight.   
  
When he got off, Yamada pulled on the blazer Dana gave him and put the bag she gave him on his shoulder. Riding his bike to class, he sighed some when he arrived on Hondo campus and parked. Here goes. 

  
As usual, people stared at him suspiciously as he went into the science building. No one knew what to make of him and he often got the question ‘where’d you go to school?’ and ‘are you an exchange student?’. No, just a guy from the slums of Japan that got a pass. He could tell his chemistry teacher didn’t care for him much and his biology teacher tolerated him. All that mattered was both of them had to begrudgingly admit he was a ‘hell of a student’. It’d not been long but his grades were immaculate. 

  
Long _damn_ day. When he finally got home, it was already close to midnight. He really just wanted to take a shower and crawl into bed. However… 

Yamada yawned when his phone rang at the same time it did every night. Sitting beside the device, he pressed the receiver to his ear. “Hello, kid.” 

“Hi, Yamachin! How was school?” 

  
“Exhausting…but learned some good things” he murmured, rubbing his face, “How about you?” 

  
“Eh, nothing pressing, really” Dana sighed.   
  
He was surprised Dana was so passé about school, for some reason. Of course he knew not everyone was crazy about school and whatever but she seemed to genuinely like learning. No…she was ‘passé’ because pretty much next year school wouldn’t even matter. She’d be some asshole’s wife. 

  
Yamada’s eyes narrowed. Seriously, what was she _allowed_ to look forward to? Being someone’s wife at sixteen and having nothing else to do? It was…beginning to aggravate him more and more. 

...Nothing to be done. “Well, that’s fine. So Souma wants me to go with him somewhere Saturday night so I don’t think we’ll be able to hang out.” 

  
“Oh, that’s fine! I couldn’t come Saturday either though I really wanted to.” 

  
Oh, good. “Okay…uh, Sunday though, I…I thought we could go to a festival I heard someone mention at school. If you’re free then anyway.” 

  
“That sounds fun! It’s a date.” 

  
Mm. “Okay…” he murmured, his eyes closing, “Sorry, I don’t really have much of interest to say tonight. I’m pretty exhausted.” 

  
“You should be! Don’t get burned out, okay?” Dana murmured, “You don’t have to push yourself that hard.” 

  
Haa, right. He had to work harder to keep everything in balance. Work, school, life…her. He grimaced and curled on his side, prepared to just go to sleep right there. “I’ll take it easy…but for right now, I’ll see you Sunday?” 

  
“Nn! I’ll call you Friday and we can talk about the details. Get some rest, Yama.” 

  
“Mmkay…” 

  
Hanging the phone up, he dragged himself to his room and undressed. Twisting the key on his old brass alarm clock to six am, Yamada curled under his nice covers and dozed. He was pretty exhausted and it was about to be a long ass week, even on his days off. Alas, could he _really_ turn Souma down after everything? 

  
…And…well…he…could cut Dana out. Just… 

  
He didn’t want to?   
  


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

It was a tiny bit different when he took Dana to dinner. Yea, he dressed up fancy but he left on his Harley. That occurred from time to time, he might dress up for work. Today, Yagami Yamada came down from his apartment wearing a suit to get in Souma Bryant’s BMW. Not a Toyota, not even an American car, a _European car_. People were indeed staring at him weirdly and he just kind of wanted to run back into his apartment. 

  
“Souma, really—I would have come to meet you” Yamada complained, getting into the front seat. Souma lived next door to the clinic so he’d really never _noticed_ what he drove. He must’ve kept it in his garage too. 

  
“Why?” Souma frowned, “I don’t mind coming to get you.” 

  
Yea, he was missing the point because these were superfluous concerns at best. Yamada’s ‘slum rank’ went down or something stupid. Well, fine. “Yea. Thank you.” 

  
“I’ll probably have to work the room a bit before I start introducing you, Yamada. Is there anything you don’t really want me to tell them about you?” 

  
“Are you using the old ‘please help this poor kid from Wasaba make it in life’ story?” 

  
Souma made a face, the roads starting to transition from Wasaba to Subami at ease. “It’s going to be questioned why you had to take the entry test rather than have gone through high school and taking the college test. Those tests are a wonderful example of your skill though, Yamada, you ranked impressively high and I need to mention it.” 

  
Okay. “Doctor, I’ve lived long enough to feel little shame in my story. Make sure to mention the hafu thing too. If you can manage to get one person to stick around after hearing about me, I’ll be surprised.” 

He didn’t say anything to that because if anyone knew that Yamada faced discrimination, it was Souma. Yea, he had had to convince people to let him help them at the clinic. He _still_ had to convince newcomers. Yamada could have gone to the best high school, ranked number one, and be going to Tokyo University and all they’d see was a blond blue-eyed supposed Japanese man. No, he figured once Souma told them his story they’d just think he was where he ought to be: the slums of Japan, struggling. 

  
Yamada took a deep breath when they pulled in front of this gigantic building. He’d _worked_ parties like these as a server or valet. This would be the first time attending as a guest and he knew he’d be annoyed. Stepping out when they stopped to allow some poor teenager to pull their car into an assigned spot, Yamada felt ill. This was not his thing. 

“Alrighty, Yamada, you stick around close so when I get some pickings I can bring them to meet you” Souma replied as they went up the steps, stroking a strand of hair off the shoulder of his black suit. 

  
He’d rather just follow the man. However, Yamada nodded absently and grimaced when they walked into this sea of dark hair and expensive suits. Kami help him. 

  
Yamada watched as Souma indeed got collected off by his peers before finding the best wall to hold up. Eyes were already following him and he felt annoyed with himself. 

The servers were pretty indiscriminate, however, giving him a glass of white wine and a plate of raw shrimp? Yamada stared at it for a moment before dipping it in whatever the red sauce was and eating a bite. Huh…that was weirdly good. 

  
Taking a second serving when it came around, Yamada gazed at everyone. It was packed and he was certain he saw a few television celebrities. So this _was_ a big deal. Yeesh.   
  
One voluptuous woman came up in his direction, appearing like those villainous ladies he might see in a manga. She even had that peculiar double chin with a hairy mole. She openly eyed him up and down like he was an out of place piece of meat before snorting. “And who made _that_ suit?” 

  
Yamada took a brief moment to consider his answer. “Oh, she’s an up and coming designer. This is one of her first designs, an original. Yagada.” 

  
Whoever bitch was looked disgusted. “Oh, so a _no one_.” 

  
“…Nope. You’ll hear of her, I’m sure.”   
  
“Unlikely” she sniffed, walking away.   
  
Unfortunately, she was right. Dana might gain some small fans selling in that fair and around Wasaba but…ugh. Disgruntled, he started to head to the food table and get whatever some of this crap was. If he was going to be insulted and have to listen to his secret girlfriend be insulted, he might as well do it eating. 

  
He came to a stop, startled, when Kobayashi Dana came pretty much out of nowhere. 

  
She was wearing a black kimono, her dark hair pulled back into this severe bun. Her hands were folded demurely in front of her as she walked behind what…probably was her mother? She and Dana looked exactly alike except it looked like the woman hadn’t smiled a day of her life. There were two other women there, a little older than Dana. Her sisters…her brother and father looked alike, just dark haired guys, but…that was her family.   
  
Yamada stiffened and swallowed when Dana and his eyes briefly met. S—t. He…they…   
  
She bowed her head and he looked away. Right, they couldn’t even know each other.   
  
His aggravation was nearly through the roof and he’d never wanted a cigarette more in his life. Pushing toward the door, he huffed and fished them out of his pocket. He could’ve gotten away with it if he wasn’t f—king _blond_. Or probably not, they’d probably say ‘what the hell is with your eyes?’. Gray was about the lightest passable color allowed and here he was with bright ass blue. He couldn’t even walk up to her in the guise of a classmate, they’d probably take her out of school if she went with muddled blood pieces of s—t like him.   
  
He had _nothing_ to do with that. NOTHING. His mother shacked up with a blond haired, blue eyed guy. Sorry he was the outcome! He shouldn’t have been born, he guessed. Now all he existed for was to be gawked upon or judged. Almost gritting his teeth as he lit up his cigarette, Yamada snarled. Damn them! Who the f—k cared?! 

  
“Hey, can I get a light?” 

  
Yamada turned his head to glare at whoever thought to ask him for _anything_ in his current mood…and, yea, he almost gawked.   
  
…There was no way he should have been staring like he was having lived the life he had. There was no way he should be stunned and confused by this being with blue eyes and blond hair though it was a little ruddier. He was wearing an expensive ass suit and holding a Camel cigarette. _What was happening_? 

  
“U-Uh, sure. Here” Yamada blurted, handing him the lighter.   
  
“Thanks.” 

  
Yamada tried to look away but it was almost like trying to look away from an accident. He’d seen some jerks bleach their hair to make it blond so he observed his roots. No, they were definitely sandy brown. He watched how the light of the flame flickered in his eyes to see if perhaps those were contacts. Not…from what he could tell. What _was_ this? 

  
“Thanks, man” he said again, handing the lighter back and taking a draw.   
  
“N-No problem.” Explain yourself. 

  
He was probably Yamada’s age and if he were older, not by much. He had on one of those expensive watches guys in Wasaba would try to sell knock-offs for. Rolexes? It looked legit, whatever the case. A rich hafu?? 

  
“You go to Hondo?” 

  
What the s—t?! “I-I do.” 

  
“I thought so” the stranger nodded, “I’ve seen you on campus a few times if I’m there late. You must take the night classes.” 

“U-Uh, yea.” And how _precisely_ did he miss _him_? Probably because he was wasted exhausted after work but jeez!   
  
Finally, the mystery blond introduced himself. “I’m Izumi Craig.” 

  
…He had an _American_ name. An American name with a Japanese surname. “O-Oh, nice to meet you. I’m Yagami Yamada.” 

  
Craig looked puzzled. “…Oh. Which is your first name?”   
  
He was aware of the idiosyncrasies of his name. “Oh, uh, Yamada. My surname is Yagami.” 

  
“Huh” Craig’s brows quirked, “I kind of like that. Almost like you can’t go wrong calling your name by either.”   
  
Well, technically… “It’s…a bit of a pain sometimes but it’s…unique.”   
  
The dirty blond nodded before gesturing toward an empty seat. “Unless you’re busy.” 

  
F—k, he wanted more information on this, screw that party. “No, I’m free.”   
  
So they sat on the metal chair in silence for a while. He wondered if Craig had seem him at Hondo and been floored too. Who was this blond man? How did he come to exist? What’s his story?   
  
“So what are you studying at Hondo?” Craig asked instead.   
  
Uh. “Oh, pre-med. A lot of science and math. Um, you?”   
  
“Political science. A lot of history and nonsense” Craig exhaled.   
  
Political science? Yamada felt his brows furrow, trying to figure out what that would lead to. “So…you want to be a politician.”   
  
“Sometimes” Craig said thoughtfully, “Sometimes I want to be a community leader. My parents press me more toward politics so that’s probably where I’ll end up leaning but I figured if I defect I’ll have the degree either way.”   
  
“O-Oh, that’s smart. Uh, are your parents politicians?”   
  
“Dad is. He’s the mayor of Shizuoka.”   
  
They let a white guy be the mayor of Shizuoka?! Yamada found himself staring as the implication tripped over in his mind. Wait a minute… “…I am about to be incredibly rude to someone I just met but I must ask.”   
  
“Shoot.”   
  
“Your _mother_ is the foreigner?”   
  
Craig laughed, blowing a puff of smoke, “Crazy, right? You don’t hear about many Japanese dudes catching American women’s fancy. They were both models though and met at some fashion show or something? It’s pretty nuts.”   
  
Seriously. “So what about you?”   
  
Oops. “Um…my…dad was a politician too but, um, that’s just between us. He probably isn’t aware I exist.”   
  
Normally that’s when the scorn would begin but Craig shook his head sympathetically. “I hear about that all the time with politicians. Go visit other countries and shack up and leave like it never happened.” 

  
“Yea…” Yamada agreed, tapping off the ashes, “It’d be nice to meet him but I’m sure he’s a jackass and would treat me like trash.”   
  
“Yea, it’s difficult to call. So where are you from?”   
  
Yamada cut his eyes at him, figuring he’d gotten enough information to finish this off. “Wasaba.”   
  
“Oh, neat. What part? My girl is from North Wasaba.”   
  
_WHAT?_ Yamada stared at him, “…West. What…girl?”   
  
All these rich ass girls he could be dating and he was going to Wasaba? The f—k was he trying to even prove, huh? Yamada started to feel even a little _protective_ of whoever this mystery woman was, probably being taken advantage of by a rich boy. Craig seemed nonplussed. “Isazaki Kira. She’s so great.”   
  
…Isazaki _Kira_? Kira was the type of girl that made him look like a motherf—king _slacker_ right now. She worked endlessly and had moved out of her family’s apartment by sixteen to remove herself as a burden. She fraternized like once or twice a year so they hardly knew her but if she did come to some event she had one drink and left by 9:30. Why the hell was she messing around with a rich hafu?! “…Why?”   
  
“Oh, you know her? She’s so down to earth, man. I get all caught up in these flights of fancy and nonsense and think about doing crazy stuff and she just brings me back to reality. She’s great.”   
  
…What? “So…you like her for…bringing _down_ your dreams?”   
  
Craig put his cigarette butt into one of the designated containers, taking out another one, “It’s hard to explain, right? She’s not telling me I _can’t_ do them, just not the way I have planned. She’s got the practicality I lack. She’s like a part of my reason. And she’s so cute.”   
  
She was cute…but all Yamada remembered was that pensive scowl. Yamada handed the lighter back to him, actually curious. “Does…she smile when she’s with you?”   
  
“Rarely. She tells me about her life sometimes, I…I think she finds it hard to find reasons to smile so I really try.”   
  
…Huh. “Well, that’s…different. Would your parents _accept_ a Wasaba girl?”   
  
“My parents would only _not_ accept a drug dealer. Everything else is swell” Craig replied. “And I’m totally going to marry her! As soon as I’m done with school, I’m going to ask her to marry me and I’ll buy us a nice house in Subami and we’ll have a ton of kids!” 

  
Yamada smirked, setting his cigarette down, “Is that one of those dreams she will have to put in check?”   
  
Craig snickered, “We’ll have to see, I guess. Ever seen a Mustang?”   
  
“Worked on plenty of them.”   
  
“Wanna drive one? I’m a little bored with this whole affair, that’s why I drove myself.”   
  
_WHAT?_ “Um…I…I probably should stick around.”   
  
“Nah, just for a second” Craig replied, standing and pulling keys out of his pocket. 

  
What the hell was happening? Yamada followed awkwardly, wondering if this was some elaborate murder plot. That’d be a helluva story, the hafu that goes around murdering other hafus. He should pen that one.   
  
Yamada’s eyes widened at the blue Mustang Boss 302. Well, he never worked on one of these. “U-Uh, are you sure, man? These are…these are awesome cars.”   
  
“You drive the Harley, right? That’s why I even noticed you, no one has a Harley around here.”   
  
Oh. Okay. Climbing in on the…left side, which was also alarming, Yamada put the key in the ignition and listened to it roar to life. Mechanical magnificence. And it drove like a dream. Must be nice…. “I guess you have a whole garage of these.”   
  
“Eh, three. Two I only have because they said they’re not going to make them anymore.”   
  


Yamada shot a look at him in the dark. “That Harley was given to me by some American dude that liked that I could fix his Toyota Celica.”   
  
“No s—t! Was his name Maurice Samuels?”   
  
Yamada was alarmed. “U-Uh, yea.”   
  
“That’s my uncle’s best friend! He’s been looking for you for months!”   
  
The hell?? “Oh…tell him I’m sorry, I…got fired.”   
  
“Oh yea, he had this huge thing with the owner or whatever of the garage when he heard. Was really pissed, man. I can’t wait to tell him I ran into you.”   
  
Man. “Tell him I can come work on his s—t on the side, if he wants.”   
  
“He’d love that. That thing is his baby.”   
  
Yamada was legitimately having fun. This was almost enough to make him drop everything and drive across the country. But it wasn’t his. He couldn’t even pay the import fees on a good day. He muttered: “Must be nice.”   
  
“Hmm?”   
  
“Nothing. Just thinking it must be nice to have a nice car and a nice house and stuff. Just bitching to myself.”   
  
Craig seemed perplexed. “Didn’t you say you were doing pre-med? Aren’t you going to be a doctor?”   
  
“That’s the idea…” Yamada muttered, “If it works anyway.”   
  
“Why shouldn’t it? You’re already _in_ school. Are you on a scholarship?”   
  
“Yea…?”   
  
“So even if you have to quit for a year you can come back and resume where you left off. The only thing that’s going to keep you from succeeding is yourself. And the other people that want to get in your way but you just run over them, yea?”   
  
Yamada chuckled at that, “What if those people are friends and family?”   
  
“Doesn’t matter” Craig assured, “They’re either going to have to run with you or get their asses trampled. When you have things you want to attain, either they need to be there for you or cheering on the sidelines at most. If they’re throwing caltrops at your feet then get them out of the way.”   
  
…Yamada opened his mouth to remark on the task but Craig laughed, saying before he had to: “Easier said than done though, right? Especially if they have been there all along. But you’re not leaving them behind. They don’t want to move forward with you and that’s as much their decision as yours.”   
  
“…That’s true.”   
  
Driving back to the party, figuring Souma might be looking for him, Yamada thanked Craig for letting him drive. “Sure thing, man. Let me know if you need anything, I’m not hard to find at Hondo.”   
  
Yamada was perplexed. “Thanks. Is there a…particular reason you’re being nice to me, if I can ask?”   
  
“Hey, us hafu pieces of s—t have to stick together, right? The muddled blood makes us stupid, y’know?”   
  
He couldn’t help gape a little. What? Why would they call a rich kid that?? Craig smiled wistfully, “When did money make people less awful people?”   
  
…Oh. “See ya’ around, man.”   
  
“See ya’…”   
  
Yamada rubbed his arm as he went back up the steps and back into the party. Somehow his entire perspective had changed. Hell, he had to recognize even _he_ had his prejudices. He would never have thought but…   
  
This place would treat kids from their own kind that way too? What sense did that even make? Sure, _maybe_ a kid from a poor situation because they _may_ not have the same upbringing but the son of a politician? _Why_? Yamada couldn’t believe it. This wasn’t a crowd he should have _anything_ to do with then.   
  
Shaking his head, he went to the table to get something to eat. He’d just kindly reject Souma’s efforts and…well, he’d do it somehow. Connections were nice and all but…   
  
“You look quite handsome tonight, sir. I have to say a suit looks good on you.”   
  
Yamada almost jumped but glanced to his side where Dana had mystically appeared, also holding a plate. She wasn’t looking directly at him but he figured he’d be the only person she’d be talking to right now. He glanced back to see if anyone was looking. They were mostly blocked by other people. 

  
Sidestepping a little when the line moved, he drawled, “Well, you’re always cute but I’d rip that bun to a mess if we were alone.” 

She smiled. “Rude.”   
  
…Well, there was one rich person he could stand more than others.   
  
“Yamada!”   
  
Oh jeez. Glancing back to see Souma beckoning for him, he just sort of absently reached down and gave her hand a quick squeeze in front of his thigh to obscure it more. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”   
  
“Okay.” 

  
Walking toward Souma, he saw it all over the man’s face. He was dismayed and there were only two people presently with him. Yea, Yamada knew. That guy was probably just humoring Souma at most too. And…as Yamada got closer, he could tell the other man was Dr. Hardy Bryant. His eye…was _insane_. And _almost_ as insane as the fact he was wearing a doctor’s coat over a striped pair of shorts that showed off hairy legs with sandals.   
  
Yamada smiled despite himself and shook the man’s hand, “I’m glad I finally got to meet you, sir. Dr. Souma has spoken about you.”   
  
“Most likely disparaging, I imagine” Hardy said deeply.   
  
“Dad, you could have worn _striped pants.”  
  
_ “Don’t you sass me, boy.”   
  
Yamada bit his lip, amused, as Souma leered at his father deeply. “Anyway, Yamada, this is my dad’s constituent, Dr. Matsushima. He’s actually one of the few neurosurgeons in the region. Dr. Matsushima, this is my young protégé, Yagami Yamada.”   
  
This man looked at him like he expected he would, not even offering Yamada a hand so he bowed. “A pleasure to meet you, sir.”   
  
“Are you interested in neurosurgery?”   
  
Eh? Yamada frowned, actually having to be thoughtful. He had been looking at the various fields and neurology did seem fascinating if not scary. “I was actually researching that field, sir. I was torn between neurology and cardiology.” 

  
“Cardiology!” the man scoffed.   
  
Souma groaned, “Admirable either way, I assure you.”   
  
“I’ll say” Dr. Hardy glared at his partner, “This world needs as many people as possible willing to work on the heart as possible.”   
  
“Do that second then. Neurology first.”   
  
Yamada was admittedly intrigued as they all started arguing over it. He didn’t really have any leanings _yet_ but… “So would a double major be unusual or impossible?”   
  
They all looked up, startled. Souma cleared his throat, “Not…impossible. Just…improbable. That’s a _lot_ of schooling, as you can imagine.”   
  
“But certainly there’s some gain in having someone medically certified in both fields, right?”   
  
Oops, he must’ve asked something stupid as Matsushima looked infuriated. “You make it sound like some walk in the park--”   
  
Dr. Hardy laughed heartily, “It’d be quite the feat!”   
  


“I’ve worked three jobs since I was eleven-years-old. I dropped out of school then too and haven’t seen a textbook until maybe six months back. I _still_ managed to rank second in an exam with people attempting to test out of school early when I have never even seen the inside of a high school. In an exam of three hundred graduates, I ranked second once again. At present, I have a 4.0 GPA and once I take heavily weighted classes I _will_ have a 5.0. So while I am currently working a full-time job and a half and going to school, I am _quite_ aware it’ll be no walk in the park. I’m not looking for a walk in the park. I’ve worked hard for everything I have so the hell should I stop expecting hard work now?”   
  
Souma appeared stunned while Hardy rubbed his chin, glancing to the silenced Matsushima. It sounded slightly arrogant no matter what way he put it but…hell, Izumi was right. He had a damn _scholarship_. Someone was paying for his full ride through school, every dime of it, and he’d be a f—king fool to duck out because people kept telling him it was hard. Hell yea, it was hard. Hard as waking up at four a.m., working until noon, turning around and working until eight, then going to be night guard until 12 only to repeat the cycle three to five days a week.   
  
No more excuses. This society would hate him if he was the emperor’s son, apparently, but that sure wasn’t his business. He could only vouch for himself and if his enemies wanted to throw obstacles along with his supposed friends and family then let them. He’d hurl himself over them if he had to.   
  
Matsushima looked annoyed but muttered: “If…you would like to, once you get a full year of college under your belt, you can assist at the hospital part-time. There won’t be any pay though!”   
  
“There’ll be pay” Hardy assured.   
  
“Bryant--!”   
  
“Until then, keep helping my son out” Hardy smiled, patting his arm, “Good luck, my boy.”   
  
“Thank you, sir” Yamada whispered.   
  
“Don’t thank me yet! You’re in for hell!” Hardy laughed.   
  
So it sounded. He was always in for hell though. Except now, apparently he had another job lined up. And after he got dropped off and reviewed neurology and the fact that he could be responsible for pretty much the main organ of the body?   
  
…The more this progressed, the more he thought his life was going in this forward motion he didn’t think he was capable of understanding. He _could_ do this and that’s what scared him the most. He…he could have almost everything he wanted.   
  
Going to bed, he noticed Dana’s sewing supplies in the corner before he turned off the light. Well…almost everything. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_Unfortunately, on that first day in April, Dana had to come to a realization._

_  
It was far enough away that Dana wasn’t too concerned people would recognize her and it was the sort of event that no one she knew would probably go. There were so many people there from so many different countries and places. Everyone was intriguing and showing so many different parts of their cultures. She loved it.   
  
Yamada followed absently behind her, his hands in his pockets. She was just straight up and down excited. While she expected Yamada to be bored, he also seemed intrigued. There were Irish dancers, Scotsman showing off feats of strength, and Italian artists. It was so exciting. She even got to try some foods like satay and tandoori. Yamada obviously was a big fan of that…   
  
In the evening, she smiled as she sat beside him near a riverbed. He was leaning back on his palms, watching fire dancers from a local island. Toucan, she believed. “This has been so fun, Yamada, thank you.”   
  
“It has been pretty neat” Yamada admitted, “I…guess I never thought to be interested in other people.”   
  
Blushing as she hugged the scarf he got her around her shoulders, Dana murmured, “I…I’m glad you thought of it. I-I know you’d probably be resting today.”   
  
He chuckled, closing his eyes, “It did cross my mind. I’m so tired, Dana.”   
  
“Then let’s go home and you can go to bed” Dana insisted, trying to stand.   
  
Instead he caught her hand and pulled her closer. “Nah. Let’s not rush it.”   
  
She had pouted, making him rest his head in her lap if that were the case. He never minded that anyway, it seemed. Watching him doze off, Dana had started to think ‘maybe’. Just…maybe. And she always hated herself for that. She hated that she had accepted her fate and on one spontaneous day she met this human being. It was just a passive relationship at first but slowly and surely she just became more and more entrapped by him. And it was so easy, nothing complicated, that made it possible. He took her for burgers and they shared the same taste in music. He protected her from hypocrisy and treated her like her feelings mattered. He paid more attention to her than anyone had and…   
  
Quiet tears rolled down her face and she quickly rubbed them away. She loved him. She didn’t know what loving a person was really but if it made her feel like this it had to be something abnormal like that.   
  
But that was her business. He knew this was just a game and she’d known as well. She was the stupid one that took it in a direction that had no resolution. She’d known her feelings were growing and she had done nothing to stop this. She’d hurt herself. _

_What a fool.  
  
_ …Two weeks.   
  
Kobayashi Dana leaned back in the chair of the classroom, looking out the window. She’d tried for the last two weeks not to go see him. She in fact finished all her orders so she could work on the small hideable things at home.   
  
It worked as Yamada would have to come around her house to find her. He couldn’t call, he couldn’t come visit her, he couldn’t come to her school. All along it had been up to her to cut this off, he…he had nothing holding him here.   
  
Despite that, every day she left school she almost went by the clinic. Around midnight she’d still go to the room with the phone and not call him. Sometimes she’d even peek around the gates to see if he’d be there. She…she was still looking for him to be there. She still _wanted_ him to be there.   
  
This Sunday would mark three weeks, she told herself as she scribbled down the homework for the weekend. Saturday she’d stay strong and Sunday she’d probably cry all day but, well, progress. He was probably doing better without her as well. He had so much school and work, why…she’d just been a nuisance. Dana tried to swallow that. It burned.   
  
Walking out of the school, Dana sighed deeply. Harumi had run off at the first bell to go be with Zann. At the rate she was going she’d probably run off and elope with him, the lucky jerks. Her parents would probably send her money and a ‘we’re happy for you, honey!’ card. Dana’s family would send the army to bring her back in a cage.   
  


“Dana?”   
  
She yelped, startled, and looked to the owner of the voice. What the? “Dr. Souma?”   
  
The dark-haired man was standing by the gate, appearing confused. “…Okay, this is weird.”   
  


Her…being at school? “What…do you mean?”   
  
He directed her toward his car, saying lowly, “Yamada was acting strange yesterday and told me he was going to try to see you. I assumed you two did something crazy and skipped off because I can’t get an answer at his house and his mother hasn’t seen him. But…you’re here. Have you seen him?” 

  
Yamada was missing?! “N-No, not-not in weeks.”   
  
Souma rubbed his forehead, grimacing, “It’s unlike him so that’s why I’m concerned. He’s been really distracted lately.”   
  
Dana’s heart throbbed and on the back of her tongue she was prepared to reply it wasn’t her concern. She had to put him out of her life to make her future easier. That’s what she was trying to do but… 

…But no one had heard from him? What…what if a deal with Shin went wrong and…? _Yamada_. “U-Um, Doctor, why don’t you head back to the clinic and I’ll go check on some things? I’ll call you when I find him.”   
  
“I…I hate to put that on you, Dana, but I am holding off some appointments” Souma murmured.   
  
“It’s fine” she insisted, heading toward Wasaba, “I’ll contact you soon!”   
  
Running a majority of the way, Dana balled her fists. So help her, if _anything_ happened to Yamada because of Shin she’d raise his ghost and strangle him. Yamada had _no business_ having to deal with that and he consistently put himself in danger for a friend! Selflessness had its limits! 

When she got into Wasaba, Kari and Mina were out in the normal hangout spot, smoking. “Hey, Dana.”   
  
“H-Hey. H-Have you guys…guys seen Yamada? His…his boss is looking for him and says he can’t find him” Dana gasped, out of breath.   
  
Kari and Mina exchanged a look before shaking their heads. “Not recently. Apparently he and Shin had a big argument so he hasn’t come to the parties lately.” 

  
Argument? “W-What about?”   
  
“Oh, Shin and Yamada always argue but both of them are such babies about making up, I tell ya’. I’d actually check with Shin and see if he’s seen him first” Kari replied.   
  
“Okay, thanks!”   
  
They both bid her farewell and she rushed to Shin’s apartment next. It looked a little different in the daylight, actually. More…clean, or something. Knocking on the door, hoping this _was_ Shin’s apartment, it took some moments but he finally answered. “…Dana? What’s going on?”   
  
“H-Hi, Shin. U-Um, I was wondering, have you seen Yamada?”   
  
Shin’s eyes narrowed, signaling to her they had _not_ made up. _“_ No, I have _not_ seen that blond bastard lately and I don’t wanna.”   
  
“What could you two possibly be fighting about?” she demanded.   
  
“Just…stuff he shouldn’t be concerning himself about, is all. He’s gotten to be such a goody two-shoes lately, it’s really getting on my nerves. But why are you looking for him?”   
  
Dana explained the situation and Shin stroked his chin. “…I dunno. I don’t think Yamada has anywhere else he _would_ go besides his apartment and work. And you.” 

Her heart ached at that and she kneaded her brow, “Right…right. I’ll…I’ll keep looking.”   
  
“Here” Shin replied, suddenly going to a drawer, “Yamada lets me hold a spare to his place in case he loses it. Go on in and see if you find anything. Come back and tell me if he’s not just preoccupied with his stupid studying in there.”   
  
Dana scoffed. Yamada loved studying but he wouldn’t miss _work_ for it. Thanking him for the key, she raced to his apartment. Why was she doing all this? Yamada was an adult and he should be the one accountable for all this. She _had_ to put him out of her life. Had to. Putting the key into the lock, she pursed her lips. No, this…this ended after this. She’d cut it off clean and nothing would keep her here.   
  
Opening the door, her heart stopped.   
  
“ _Yamada_!!”   
  


Yamada was stretched out on the floor, face down, still wearing his jacket. She could tell from the way he was outstretched that he’d fainted or collapsed. He didn’t even flinch due to her scream either. Stumbling recklessly to his side, Dana turned him over. He was pale and for a crippling moment she thought he was dead. “Yamada, please, answer me!”   
  
He was so cold. Resting her ear over his heart, she trembled when she heard the weak beat. It _was_ beating though. “O-Oh, Yama…”   
  
Her giant ass love of her life, she thought, disgruntled, as she half-dragged, half-wrestled, and half-pushed him to his bedroom. Crouching once she got him to the end, knowing this was _terrible_ for her back, Dana regardless boosted him up and made a wild thrusting push to put him on the bed. She was horrified with the contorted way he landed but even more horrified he hadn’t stirred whatsoever. 

Getting him out of his clothes, she quickly found him some warm pajamas and got him tucked in. She collected a warm cloth next and pressed it to his forehead. Please, Yamada…   
  
Unsure what else to do, Dana crawled into bed with him and hugged him tight. His body still felt like a block of ice and she didn’t understand why. Rubbing his flesh for _some_ form of circulation, Dana felt ill. She…she would live in misery if something happened to him, what was going on?   
  
After at least two hours, nonetheless, she almost sobbed with relief when he warmed up and started stirring. About fifteen minutes later, his eyes opened and he stared at her. “…Dana…?”   
  
He sounded completely scratchy and distorted but she was too happy to care. “Oh, Yama, I was so worried about you!!”   
  


“The f—k…?” he suddenly squirmed. 

Dana was flabbergasted as he actually pulled away from her, looking annoyed. The _nerve_! “You have some guts, coming here and saying you’re worried about me when you’ve ignored my existence for three f—king weeks.”   
  
…Oops. “Oh…that.”   
  
“Yea, _that_. And like an idiot I go to your place and _think_ about knocking on your window then wussed out when I couldn’t figure out what window was yours and got so pissed I drove around until four this mo— _f—k!! It’s already five f—king o’clock_!!”   
  
She stared as he tumbled out of bed like he _hadn’t_ just been in a cold coma and rushed to find clothes. “Souma is going to be _pissed_! I’ve already been acting all stupid and distracted--”   
  
“Souma came by my school today to see if I had seen you. He’s very worried, not ‘pissed’” Dana rebutted softly.   
  
Yamada gritted his teeth, going into the living room. So…he…was going to come find her last night.   
  
Dana walked out into the living room area and found Yamada kneeling before the phone, looking upset. “I’m so sorry, doctor. I-I don’t know what happened. I-I must’ve collapsed from exhaustion or something. I promise I will be there to make up every bit of work I missed tomorrow— _no_. I-I said I could do this and I _will_. I’m not…I’m not exhausted, I promise.”   
  
Yes, he was! “Yes, sir. Thank you so much and I’m-I’m sorry I worried you. Have a good evening.”   
  
The blond glared lightly at her when he hung up, just silent. Rubbing her arm, she looked away. “I thought at the festival that I really wanted to be with you. I always think that when I’m with you now and it hurts so bad. So I was selfish and thought to myself I’d end it now, that…that in the end, I’m the string holding this together when you can’t even call or visit my house. I’m the one hurting myself and wasting your time when you’re the reasonable one that knows nothing can come of this. And you’re working so hard and I’m just being a nuisance to you. I’m sorry.”   
  
“…Oh.”   
  
She expected him to say ‘you’re right’ and end it properly. If he said ‘no more’, it’d definitely be over this time. No more coming back, that was it. 

Instead, he scratched the back of his head and even blushed a little. “…I…I don’t really have an answer for that. If…If I’m hurting you--”   
  
“No, no, you’re…you’re not…”   
  
Dana swallowed when he crawled over and rested his ear against her stomach, hugging her waist. “Shin is so f—king twisted and I need these large gaps of time to calm my rage with him. The others…they’re fine but they’re…they’re not…calm. Or…or _my_ calm. And I _know_ you’ll have to end this, I know we _should_ end this for both of us, but…but if I can make the selfish request that…that you not end it just yet, I’d…I’d like to. You’re my calm and…and you’re not a nuisance, okay? I need something else to think about sometimes and I don’t like it when it’s you and I can’t even speak to you.”   
  
It…was a confusing entreaty but in her weakness she went with it because she loved him. That’s why the Domo affair was probably preferable because for not one second in her life would she feel an ounce of weakness or empathy for that human being. She smiled softly as Yamada told her about his classes excitedly and, even more adorably but not in the exact words, that he had made a new friend. Craig Izumi…she’d heard of him.   
  
He seemed reluctant but she had to go. Domo would be by for dinner soon and she hadn’t prepared. “Okay. I better get ready for class anyway.”   
  
“Yagami Yamada! You were _collapsed_ , cold as _ice_ , on this floor when I found you. I thought you were _dead_ for a minute!”   
  
“Mm, I don’t remember that” he said rather drearily, grabbing his bag.   
  
Of course you don’t!! Baka! She melted when he gave her a sweet kiss on the lips. “I promise I’ll take it easy if I don’t feel well but honestly I guess I needed a twelve hour nap. I feel pretty good.”   
  
Bleh. “Okay…”   
  
Yamada smiled and he walked her a majority of the way but she cut him off this time. Domo might see and…and she wasn’t sure whom she feared for more at this point. She was property. He nodded and backed away when she came up with some excuse. “Okay…call me tonight if you get a chance?”   
  
“I will” she murmured. 

  
“Okay…uh…”   
  
He paused, gazing upward for a moment before clearing his throat. “Later.”   
  
“Later.”   
  
She watched him walk away before going up the street to her house. Her mother was bellowing about preparations and yelled at her that she needed to be prepared immediately. Dana lifelessly went to her bedroom to put on the kimono his family had gifted with the assistance of flustered servants. Putting her hair up, Dana inhaled sharply as she stared in her mirror to still her tears. Everyone wanted so much of her.   
  
He…wanted the most.   
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_“Yamada! I have the perfect promotion for you!”  
  
Promotion? Yamada didn’t even know what that meant. He looked at Souma, confused, as he filed some medical records. “Sir…?”   
  
“There’s a phlebotomist and lab technician course running Saturday and Sunday for the next month. You pass them, which I know you can, you can stop doing this 5 to 8 gig and just work your normal hours but making two thousand gold more. How does that sound?”   
  
Yamada’s eyes widened as Souma looked hopeful, “It’d be a huge help if I can do my lab results here instead of exporting them. And naturally I can draw blood but when people just need bloodwork done, well, if you can do it for me while I utilize my nurses for other things…”   
  
“I…it sounds good, Souma. But, um, how much are these classes? And remember, I have one Saturday class.”   
  
“Don’t worry about costs--” _

_“Souma.”  
  
“Really, Yamada, I’m going to file it as a business expense because I am in all sincerity losing my shirt on lab costs and handling fees” Souma droned, “And the first class is 11 to 4 and then 4 to 9. What do you think?”   
  
Yamada honestly felt briefly reluctant. It…was hard seeing Dana enough as it is. That was ten hours of his free time gone for a month.   
  
Then, what the hell was wrong with him? Without that three hours of work keeping Shin’s dumb ass safe, he could take her out after he got off before going to class. “Sounds awesome, sir, thanks. I’ll do it.”   
  
“Excellent!” Souma gushed, slapping his shoulder, “You’re always such a flexible kid, Yamada, you’re going to do great at life.”   
  
Haha, right. The man skipped off to apparently get him enrolled while he continued to read over reports. Some of the remarks seemed strange right now but the more he did outside research he understood them just a little better. It was…invigorating. _

_“Hey, Yagami!”  
  
Yamada waved at Izumi Craig as he made a dash for his classroom, actually running a little late. “Hey! I’ll catch up with you later, Izumi!”   
  
Going up the steps, Yamada let out a sigh of relief when he got there just a minute before class started, able to settle into the same seat he usually had. It was funny because people started to move away from him when they saw his scores on the exam every week. He heard it whispered so he wouldn’t ‘cheat’ off them. Yamada almost wanted to smile when his grades were BETTER without them which seemed to enrage the pompous jackasses. He had an issue about elbow room anyway. _

_“Good evening, Yamachin.”  
  
“Good evening, Dana.”   
  
He was stretched out on the floor in his living room, wishing he had a phone in his room. If he could talk to her in bed, life would be heaven. He yawned into the back of his hand, “How was your day, kid?”   
  
_

_“Oh, nothing special.”  
  
Yamada noticed that was generally her response. “Give me something. Did someone trip over a chair? Do kids get stuffed into cabinets? Tacks in shoes? Something had to have happened.”   
  
“Methinks you read too much shojo manga” she snickered, “Oh! Candy Candy finished two months ago and I still can’t find the last copy!”   
  
He supposed he had to blame himself for that one. Jum told him about some series he was reading…Mobile Suit Gundam and though Yamada had literally no time to read manga anymore, hell, he might just happen to have a free minute. Dana had been uppity about it as she usually was about that stuff so while he was browsing, he pushed a shojo manga into her hands to calm her ire. He expected her to scoff and wander off. Instead, next thing he knew, she’d bought all the volumes. Currently she was the proud owner of about, oh, seven different series and he was getting a little concerned. _

_Nah, he wasn’t. She ought to have silly fun things in her life too. Yawning into his hand, he rumbled, “Don’t worry your gorgeous head about it. I’ll find it for you. I’m the manga finding master.”  
  
Dana laughed, “I’m in your debt, my liege. Oh! And I want Bride of Deimos too.”   
  
“That one’s so freaky though” Yamada’s nose wrinkled, “And it looks like one of those ones the writers will quit without even resolving.”   
  
“Oh no! I’d be so sad if that happened!”   
  
Yamada sighed and looked up, wondering if he ought to get a snack before he hit the hay. Wait, wait. “So guess who got a promotion of sorts?”   
  
“Really?! What are you doing now?”   
  
“Mm, lab work and drawing blood. Fun stuff. Hopefully I can administer some vaccinations too. But I’m going to be in class for a month after this weekend on Saturday and Sunday which will suck since I can’t see you much but once I’m done I get off at 5 again but will be making the same money.”   
  
“Ah, that’s so great! Congratulations!”   
  
He smiled when she started to grumble that that meant she couldn’t work on her Yagada projects though. “Glad you’re only upset not to have your workroom, lady.”   
  
“Oh, pooh. I can find ways to see you anyway!”   
  
_

_Unable to help a laugh, Yamada stood and dragged the phone as far into the kitchen as it would go. “Dana, come by this weekend and I’ll give you a key. You can come and work as long as you want.”  
  
“Without you there?? Isn’t that weird?”   
  
“It’d be weird if my mother lived here even ten percent of the time but she doesn’t. Someone ought to use the damn place” he scoffed, finding some leftover rice in the refrigerator. _

_Dana was quiet and he fathomed she was against it. Alas, finally, she murmured, “If you don’t mind.”  
  
“I never mind my own suggestions, Dana.”   
  
She snickered, “You’re a dork. Thank you. I better go though.”   
  
“Okay…good night.”   
  
“Good night.”   
  
Setting the receiver down, he felt a little…heavy, like he hadn’t gotten something off of his chest. It’d felt like that a lot lately after each conversation they had finished. Probably since that whole comatose debacle.   
  
The first week he assumed she was doing tests or something. They didn’t see each other EVERY week. It was weird she didn’t call but no big deal.   
  
Second week, he felt a little confused. Was she mad? Had he done something? Was it like that time when she got upset she didn’t speak up for him or something? What was the deal?   
  
Nearing the end of the third week, he was feeling weak and upset and all this crazy stuff he wouldn’t normally feel. He’d gone to a party the second week at Shin’s house only to see the ass upcharging the s—t out of Jum again when he had Yamada pay almost f—king three thousand pieces for him. He ended up taking the bastard outside to yell at him about it without telling him what he was doing for him so it sounded like he was just being a busybody. Thus, he and Shin got into a fist fight and resolved absolutely nothing. And it wasn’t like Shin was his best confidant, the guy was getting ruthless with telling him how stupid he was, but he LISTENED. But f—k him right now.   
  
_

_That aside, he…wasn’t Dana. Not even slightly.  
  
So Yamada went to her house that Thursday after class, thinking maybe he could knock on her window to ask what was going on. Something hit him though: he didn’t even REALLY know which house was hers. He had a good idea but he wasn’t positive. So he couldn’t call her, he didn’t really know where she lived and even if he did he ran the risk of knocking on the wrong paper screen and getting busted or her in trouble. All because… _

_Yea, he was so irritated with his circumstances in life that made him this unworthy human being he rode around on his Harley for about four hours._ _When he got home, that...pretty much was the last thing he remembered beside being exhausted. When he woke up with Dana curled around him, he was irritated but...not exactly with her. He took it out on her inappropriately but he supposed he was hurt. He was that expendable and he was that easy to be...used. He couldn't even call her damn house.  
  
_

_But then...she gave him that painful explanation and he realized maybe things weren't as great as he thought they were. It was difficult but he...asked if he were hurting her somehow. He had really hoped not and she said no but...  
  
_

_After eating some rice with a fried egg, Yamada crawled into bed and thought maybe he should back off. This did almost seem serious in some veins, especially with him giving her keys to his apartment. They'd known from the beginning it couldn't be serious...but..._

_  
If he became a neurosurgeon, he would be making enough money to have...standing. Apparently the hafu thing would hold him down even if he had a trillion gold pieces to his name but it was the money part that Dana's family was concerned with. He'd have to research what the Kamaishi were worth but...in good time, if he could make a good plea, then just perhaps he could gain their allowance. _

_  
Yamada snorted loudly and closed his eyes. Yea right. They'd probably laugh in his face because all he was offering was the prospect of success. Her bastard fiancé was already there. Still though. _

_This was the sort of relationship where he couldn't bring her flowers because her family would know that her fiancé didn't bring them. It was the sort of relationship where he had to worry if they went to a nice place and people would recognize her. This...was not the prime example for a relationship.  
  
_

_Just...why couldn't he stop thinking about her then?_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXx 

  
"Yagami!" 

  
Man, he didn't miss this s--t. Yagami Yamada looked up, smeared in oil and a little disgruntled. He hadn't lost the skill which was satisfying but the fact that changing oil was this damn messy affair when he now operated on being as cleanly as possible was killing him.   
  


It was his last Saturday of phlebotomy and the tech classes so basically he took the exam, nailed it through the ceiling, and got out early. Izumi Craig had informed him in the morning at Hondo that the guy that gave him the Harley was in need of a tune-up and was willing to give Yamada two thousand pieces. S--t, where else was he going to make that money in little over an hour? 

Maurice lived...somewhat opposite of Dana. When Craig was bringing him over, he informed him of how Subami was divided. It was kind of like Wasaba except in terms of wealth, not how nefarious and awful one section was compared to another. North and West Subami was 'new' money or, people that had risen to fame. South and East? That was old money, the ones born into centuries of wealth. Yamada felt a little ill and had had to ask. "Ever...heard of the Kobayashi?" 

"Yea, that's an example of old as _dirt_ money. You need to have a dynasty to even get an audience with them." 

Well, s--t. "Uh, their daughter...Dana. You know her fiancé?" 

Izumi made a face. It wasn't like a 'do I know him?' or even just a 'that guy' face. No, it was one of genuine abhorrence and Yamada didn't like that. "That sack of bulls--t family. If I could bust them, I would, but they have the politicians tied up so tight it's sickening. I can't believe anyone would lower themselves like that." 

"But...the fiancé?" 

"The fiancé is evil. I've gone to some affairs with him present, he is sickening. And Kobayashi's sick ass parents engaged a basically kid to that bastard! Breaks my f--king heart. I wish I had more money, I'd try to get her out of it." 

Yamada couldn't help send a bit of a glare. "Oh, you like her or something?" 

"No way! I love my Kira. What I don't like is seeing a person get forced into a marriage with someone like that." 

"...Yea." 

Presently, Yamada thanked Izumi as the guy handed him an ice cold beer. It was warming up in mid-May and he had worked up a sweat. "What else are you doing tonight, man?" 

"Oh, probably...nothing. Sleeping" Yamada shrugged. 

Izumi gave him a look. Funny he'd only known the guy two months and he was already aware Yamada was the most boring person alive. "Look, Yamada, I know you're trying to be the god of surgery--" 

He laughed, taking a swig, "Shut up, I am not trying to be the 'god of surgery'. I'm an overachiever, thank you very much." 

"Well, whatever fancy spin you want to put on it, whatever the case, you need to get out and do some stuff, bro. I'm having a party tonight at my place, you ought to come." 

Yamada rolled his eyes around, leaning against the bumper of the car. "A fancy party?" 

"Uh, nah? I'm talking kegs and liquor and rock music, not shrimp cocktail and piano." 

Grinning, Yamada stood up straight, "Dunno, man, that shrimp cocktail was pretty good at that damn party." 

"No promises on shrimp but plenty of pizza and burgers. American affair, y'know? It's Memorial Day weekend. Couldn't tell you what that holiday is about but my mom’s always got fireworks and food." 

Yamada smirked widely, elbowing him, "Is that what 'us' Americans do? Celebrate s--t we don't have any knowledge of the meaning of?" 

"Man, we celebrate Christmas here with cake, chicken, and f--king." 

Laughing again, Yamada wiped his hands off to grab a cigarette. "Hell, you're right, no one cares. It's actually kind of sad. Memorial Day to me signals we should be remembering something." 

"Hmm, maybe I'll take American History and find out" Craig nodded. "So c'mon, make a showing, at least. Bring some of your friends too...but please, no drugs. I cannot be cracked down on doing that s--t." 

Then he really didn't want him bringing his friends. "I'll think about it. Write down your address and we'll try to roll on through." 

_  
_ Whatever the case, he needed a nap. Maurice came out, started his car, and was pleased as usual. Hell yea. Three thousand gold pieces later and he was riding home to his apartment. That was a lot of groceries. He didn’t understand though, an oil change cost like a hundred pieces tops and he tried to make him pay that. Nope, three thousand for the kid he already gave a damn motorcycle to. It just made Yamada wonder if people could have _too much_ money. 

Getting a hundred gold pieces worth of yakisoba and teriyaki, Yamada yawned widely when he went up the steps of his apartment. He got a ton of food _assuming_ , but… 

Yea. He opened the door and Kobayashi Dana was indeed sitting at the makeshift coffee table with her ‘team’, Kari and Mina. Kari looked stressed, her head in her hands as she gazed down at a book. So that was a weird one…apparently Dana told Harumi’s boyfriend, Zann, about Kari who really was like the beautiful princess of West Wasaba. She was their redeeming factor. Sure, all the girls were attractive but Kari was like the patron goddess or something. 

Zann said they had this one fashion club at his school that competed in major functions. They needed models and they weren’t required to be students at the school. Dana somehow convinced Kari to come with her to meet these people and, lo and behold, she was currently modeling for a fashion club. She was horrified being around ‘high school’ kids and having at most a sixth grade education so now she was trying to educate herself.   
  
Although he was _wasted_ tired one Saturday, she came over and pleaded for him to tutor her. He agreed to about an hour and she compensated him with booze. And…yea, they…drank the booze after he studied with her and _may_ have gotten a little touchy-feely. It was weird because he couldn’t say he was too into it. No, just kind of felt…iffy in a way. Of course, before he could _stop_ the whole affair, Dana walked in, and, well…she once again didn’t speak to him for a week. Oops. Of course, she showed up the following Saturday all smiles and informed him she would be taking over Kari’s tutoring. ‘Kay. 

“Good evening, ladies” he greeted, setting the food near them. 

“Hi, Yamada!” Mina and Kari greeted cheerfully. 

  
Dana blinked languidly at him, “Hey.”   
  
Yep, she was becoming more and more unimpressed with him, like she _was_ his wife! Smirking, he kissed the top of her head and went to the kitchen to grab some plates. “How’s everything going?”   
  
“Well, Dana and I are trying to decide what we ought to try to market next with shifting trends. This whole legging thing seems like such a fad” Mina droned.   
  
“You think so?” Dana frowned thoughtfully, looking at the miscellaneous sketches they had, “I mean, they seem practical, in the very least. You can wear a lot of things that aren’t considered dresses over it like sweatshirts.”   
  
“Maybe…”   
  
Uh huh. Yamada sat in the free space and started to dish out food. Normally he’d ask if they were hungry but not once in the past month had that been answered ‘no’. Kari looked miserable, “I’m so stupid, guys. I won’t even be able to fill out a stupid model application at this rate.”   
  
The greatest thing about her showing up to these events were people were starting to scout her. Kari was always going on about being from the poor side of the tracks making them disgusted by her but, uh, a pretty person was a pretty person? Dana shook her head. “You’re doing great, Kari. I think you’re just being too hard on yourself.”   
  
“It’s just so difficult…”   
  
Mina sighed, cracking open a soda, “It is. I was thinking about taking the college entrance but it looks crazy.”   
  
“It wasn’t so bad” Yamada remarked, rubbing his hands together.   
  
He grinned when she chucked a chopstick at him, “Shut up, you closet genius _jerk_. Scoring second outta over a hundred. Punk.”   
  
“Well, you _can._ You just need seventy percent to pass.”   
  
She sighed again as Dana looked at them, perplexed. “I…don’t want to be offensive but I have been wondering why it doesn’t seem like _any_ of you went to school. And I don’t know if I’ve _seen_ a high school…”   
  
Kari slurped a noddle, nodding, “We don’t have one.”   
  
“What??”   
  
Yamada chewed his teriyaki, swallowing, before shaking his head, “Remember, Dana, high school costs _money_. Nine point five times out of ten, no parent here is going to have the money to send their kid to school and probably need their kid _working_. Thus, there’s no reason for our government to build one here. Anyone that I know from this area that _did_ go, like all…two of them? They went to North Wasaba High. That’s the only section that has a school.”   
  
Dana looked incredulous, “Then who goes there?”   
  
“North Wasaba people” Mina laughed, “ _No one_ makes it out of South Wasaba. Like Yamada said, we have perhaps two people we’ve known that made it to high school. And East Wasaba...”   
  
Yamada actually wasn’t sure what to make of East Wasaba. “East Wasaba is like all the Wasabas in one Wasaba. You have the middle-income, you have _us,_ and then you have the meth heads. So I guess East and North Wasaba feed the high school.”   
  


“I see…”   
  
“For the best anyway, our school would just end up looking like a yanki gang collection” Kari snorted. 

  
“Damn straight” Yamada snickered, “Shin would be dealing coke between classes, the roof would be loaded for smoke breaks, and we’d have all skipped anyway.”   
  
Mina and Kari laughed in agreement but Dana looked perturbed. “You mean you wouldn’t have gone if you had the option?”   
  
“Eh…dunno” Mina shrugged, “Seems like a hassle. Or I guess _seemed_ , now that I might have a goal in life you helped me find it looks like it mighta’ been a swell help.”   
  


Disgruntled, Kari shook her head, “Oh, it’s _definitely_ lookin’ like it would have been a swell help. We’re dumb as bricks…except for _Yamada_.”   
  
Yamada made a face. “I actually can say for a fact I probably would have gone and liked it. Just, y’know, my manager had to screw my mom into letting me go to college that someone else is paying for so heavens forbid I paid for it.”   
  
“Atsuko’s my hero” Kari grinned, ruffling his hair, “Nailed some super American and had you and now she’s landed herself a doctor. She’s a regular Wasaba hero.”   
  
Bleh. He finished his last bite and shook his head, “And on _that_ note, I am going to go to sleep. Oh yea, one of my college friends invited me to a party later tonight and said I oughta bring some friends so if you guys are up for it later…”   
  
“Ooh, a _college_ party. Haven’t gotten to do that before” Mina cooed.   
  
“I wanna go!” Kari gasped.   
  
Dana was scribbling on her paper again absently. She’d been pretty moody lately, he was noticing. Well…not moody, just kind of not happy. He swallowed. Maybe…because he asked for her to stay. 

However, she murmured, “Craig Izumi, right?”   
  
_Oh_ . “O-Oh, right, yea, sorry…” If Craig had even _one_ friend from the inner circle of Subami they’d recognize Dana and probably out her. He wasn’t thinking.   
  
“Rich bitch shenanigans, I take it?” Mina snorted, “If Dana can’t come, then why would _we_ be welcome?”   
  
“Oh no, nothing like _that_ , guys” Dana insisted quickly. 

  
Yamada waved a hand, “Don’t worry about it, I might not go either…”   
  
“But you should! Craig’s a nice person and you should get to spend more time with people in your school too.”   
  
Right. Excusing himself to his bedroom, he set his alarm clock for ten p.m. and figured he’d see how he felt when he woke up. It…kind of blew, he had hoped he could take Dana. 

But it was him. She probably could be there but…not with him around. Just like…she couldn’t be happy with him around either. 

…Oh. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

  
“I can’t believe I let you talk me into this.”   
  
Yamada shot a glare in Hamasaki Shin’s direction as the guy looked irritable. When Yamada woke up, horrifically Dana and the girls had been replaced by Shin, Jum, Roller, and Tep. That was not the crew he liked waking up to, especially in his house. Apparently though the girls had somehow informed them of his party and…yea, these were the people he _didn’t_ want to invite.   
  
Shin had come with a whole new level of bulls—t, reminding him they had to go see Hisakawa tonight. Like he’d forget that madness. Tep, Jum, and Roller though, they really wanted to go to a house party in ‘rich bitch-land’ so he advised them to get ready and see if one of them could borrow their parent’s car. They excitedly ran off, just leaving him and Shin.   
  
“ _So you’re just falling into their group, huh? We’re not good enough for you.”  
  
“You make it sound like you’re my damn wife, Shin” Yamada leered, shedding his shirt to grab a quick shower, “‘Oh no, Yamada, you’re not paying enough attention to me now and now you want to be around different people!’. Idiot.”   
  
“You do whatever the f—k you want, Yamada, just don’t forget the business” Shin snorted, smoking a cigarette.   
  
The business. The business he was losing hand over fist in. Slipping into the shower just to rinse, he came out with a scowl. “No one’s forgotten your damn stupid ass business, Shin. Just guess who might have the ability to multitask?”   
  
Shin gave him a bland expression, “…It’ll suck balls as a party and you know it.”   
  
“I don’t know jack s—t. You oughta come, see how the other side lives for a change. The challenge for you is going to be you bring coke, I’ll cut you.”   
  
“So partying with snooty rich strangers and I also can’t sell coke on a Saturday night. Huh, that sounds great” Shin retorted sarcastically.   
  
Yamada pulled on a pair of jeans and his nice black shirt. “Will you just CONSIDER it? I’m sick of arguing with you and it’d be nice if we had some place away from all the f—king cocaine to NOT spend time together.”   
  
Shin did smirk at that, shaking his head. “I’ll think about it.”   
  
_ Somehow Yamada did talk this up enough to get Shin to come but even he had his doubts. They’d probably stay an hour if Shin wasn’t bitching in the first four or five minutes. Tep, Jum, and Roller were almost gawking as they walked onto the huge estate. Apparently this was pretty much _just_ Craig’s house right now. His parents were always traveling or at the mayor’s estate. Some people, man.   
  
Also, Yamada was definitely sensing a trend. His eyes closed some as one brunette guy wandered past them along with some other blonds. He guessed Craig had a ‘theme’. Tep snorted loudly, remarking on it. “What is this going to be, the hafu convention?”   
  
Before Yamada could tell him to piss off, three rather attractive ‘hafu’ girls walked past them and smiled in their direction. Oh, of course _that_ mesmerized them. “I…I mean, not that I’m _complaining_ …”   
  
“Uh huh.”   
  
“Yamada! You made it!”   
  
Izumi Craig appeared, holding a beer in his hand. Yamada could only blink languidly at him, “Yea…I wish I’d known bringing my pureblooded friends would disrupt your trend here.”   
  
“Don’t be an ass, bro” Craig chastised lightly, “Most of these are relatives and my relative’s friends. If you actually make it to the backyard, you’ll see we’re quite a mixed group.”   
  
“Oh, we’ll see. So yea, these are my friends, Shin, Tep, Jum, and Roller. Guys, this is the great hafu-leader, Izumi Craig.”   
  
Craig snickered, “Nice to meet you all. Please, there’s a ton of food and booze in the back so help yourself.”   
  
“Thanks!” the three doofuses said, excitably rushing off to stuff their faces.   
  
Yamada sighed as Craig looked perplexed, taking a sip of his beer. “Jum, you say…is that his real name? My dad mentioned that there was a character that goes by the name of Jum wanted for tax embezzlement.”   
  
Uh oh. “No, no, that must be some…other…Jum.” 

  
Craig smirked, smacking his back, “Relax, Yagami. I’m not cracking on anyone. Get yourself a drink and enjoy yourselves. I’ll be right back, I need to go get some cigs. Want some?”   
  
He was just going to _leave_ his house with a ton of people here? “Uh, Camels. Here…”   
  
He did hand Craig a hundred pieces for his too but he looked disgruntled. “Man--” 

  
“Just use it. We’re about to eat you out of house and home” Yamada snorted.   
  
With a laugh, Craig told them to go nuts then. Time to see some upper class pizza. Shin grabbed his arm and hissed. “ _Dude, he knows about Jum_ _and his family. We need to warn him and leave!”  
  
_ Why was he surrounded by criminals? Yamada was going to say they _could…_ until a pretty damn gorgeous girl walked into the party, a bombshell from head to toe in a pair of shorts and a tank top. Of course, she wasn’t as gorgeous as Dana so it passed him but Shin’s eyes stayed glued to her until she was out of sight. “…But…then, he said _Jum_ , not…Shin…”   
  
How easy the tides turn. Yamada shook his head and walked in with an increasingly eager Shin. And holy s—t. 

The place was _massive_. It was like an apartment building but actually _nice_. They had a _pool_. A _pool_. Girls and guys were swimming around in either their underwear or swimwear, playing with an overgrown ball. Some guys were gathered around what appeared to be a ping pong table. Shin’s eyes narrowed as Yamada gazed, heading over to the table with liquor. “See? Nothing like our parties.”   
  
“Well, he’s got Absolut…” Yamada droned, pouring himself a cup.   
  
Shin poured himself a cup of Stoli and juice, “So I don’t get _spoiled_ on Absolut. So what, this is what you want, man? A gigantic ass house to have all these house parties in?”   
  
“Not really? I…I guess I have been thinking about having a house and getting out of Wasaba, at least.”   
  
“Of course” Shin rolled his eyes, “This is preferable.”   
  
Wasn’t it? Perhaps extravagant but Yamada shared a bathroom with his mom which wasn’t _bad_ but it was like a fight to see who got to the shower first. Until Shin left home, he had to share his room with his sisters and brother. Was that preferable? Not having at least a room to call your own? Not having turmoil over living space?   
  
“You’re just obsessed with impressing Dana or something, Yamada. The guy I knew wouldn’t be so caught up in material junk.”   
  
Um, says the one stealing from his friends? Yamada cut his eyes at him, having to wonder. “Call me curious, Shin, but what _is_ your goal? You deal so you want money, obviously. What do you want to _do_ with this money?”   
  
“I dunno—stuff.”   
  
“Stuff? You just make money and don’t have any plans for what you want to do with it?”   
  
“You don’t _have_ to spend money, Yamada” Shin said gravely, dusting off his pants.   
  
No…but…why risk his life dealing cocaine if money wasn’t a big deal to him? It’d be like him saying ‘hey, I’m going to medical school to be a baker’. Yea, let him waste these massive amounts of time studying one thing when his end goal was something entirely different. Ugh, Shin’s dad was right: his conception of survival was sketchy at best or at least very, very inconceivable.   
  
“I’m serious though, this _all_ started with Dana and Dana’s bringing _this lifestyle’s_ ideals to you. She’s a swell chick but you gotta be a little realistic, man, it’s not _practical._ What’s wrong with a Wasaba girl anyway? You know Kari would totally be down for you if you _want_ something serious” Shin remarked.   
  
Yamada almost didn’t deign to respond. Yea, Kari was gorgeous and another longtime friend with benefits like Mariko had been. However, she…she was really just kind of a lustful attraction. And yea, Dana turned him on, up, and sideways, but…there was more stimulation there than just _sex_. He preferred…that. 

Of course, he was still thinking as if he had a _chance_. He didn’t. He knew he didn’t.   
  
Prepared to tell Shin he’d worry about that stuff _after_ he got through pre-med, another drop dead sexy girl with long, curly, dirty brown hair walked to the table of drinks. It was…impolite to stare but she did basically just have on a bra and shorts. Craig…really knew some beautiful people.   
  
She looked up and smiled at them, “Well, aren’t you two cute? Hi. My name’s Veronica.”   
  
It sounded like Japanese wasn’t necessarily her mother tongue. Yamada _would_ like to practice his English so it could be even more useful to have Craig available. For now, he just smiled and nodded, “I’m Yamada and this is my friend, Shin.”   
  
Veronica picked up a cherry, blinking at them, “It’s nice to meet you. How do you know Craig?”   
  
“Oh, we go to school together.”   
  
“Oh, nice! Are you going to school too?” she questioned Shin.   
  
Yamada could’ve choked on his own spit at that question. Shin even looked slightly flabbergasted. “U-Uh, no, I-I pursue…other interests. Uh, sales.”   
  
Yeesh. “Well, that sounds fun too” she purred, eating the candied fruit, “I’d love to hear more about you two’s…passions. Would you keep me company?”   
  
Uh. Yamada and apparently Shin as well could only stare as she pulled out the cherry stem from her mouth in a perfect pretzel, a ‘skill’ trick he’d read about but had actually never seen in real life. Wow. And, had this been pre-Dana, he might’ve beat Shin on the spot, but Shin shoved him, “He’s got a girlfriend he’s madly in love with! Me though, I am…entirely uninhibited.”   
  
“Glad to hear it” she winked, taking his arm, “Let’s go talk about it some more over here.”   
  
Yamada smirked, shaking his head. Shin was such a flip flopper. He went to catch up with Jum, Tep, and Roller but found the two had actually struck up a conversation with another group. He felt…weird jumping in. Huh, who knew his friends were this…capable?   
  
Prepared to go drink by himself until Craig returned, Yamada looked up when he heard his name called. What? His brows creased as Kari and Mina appeared, waving, along with…? 

_What the hell_ ? He was sincerely speechless as Dana appeared, donning a blonde wig with hair similar to ‘Veronicas’, a black biker cap with high waisted leather… _super shorts_ and a white muscle shirt with apparently _no bra_. Naturally almost _every guy_ in a five feet vicinity was staring at her now. “Hi-i-i, I’m _Lana_.”   
  
“You’d never think it was Dana, right?” whispered Kari triumphantly. 

  
He didn’t know what the f—k he was thinking right now. She was hot as _hell_ but in a ‘let’s be alone in my bedroom’ way, not ‘let’s show dudes that admired ass my spectacular ass’. ‘Lana’ smirked. “Yamada’s the _jealous_ type, guys.”   
  
“Wha-a-a? No way” Mina made a face, “D- _Lana’s_ got a body to die for, Yama, no girl needs to hide _that_ because you think some boy’s gonna sweep her off her feet from under you.”   
  
“T-That’s--…true” he conceded begrudgingly. 

“Oh man, this looks _great_. We’re going to mingle and drink, Lana. Are you going to strut or hang with Yamada?” Kari questioned, observing the activities.   
  


‘Lana’ laughed, “No way am I strutting! I’m going to talk to Yamada for a bit, I’ll catch up with you guys in a while.”   
  
The two excitedly went off and Yamada fumbled with what to even…say. Dana pouted and tried to tug the hem of the pants down over her…cheeks. “These are just _scandalous_. Like, do they even _look_ good?”   
  
“They look _f—king fantastic_ and that’s why we’re going over here” he droned, grabbing her hand to take her where there were some empty seats in a darker spot. 

  
Dana snickered as he sat across a lawn chair, sitting right in his lap. “You’re such a whore.”   
  
“I’d call it ‘inspired by external stimuli’.”   
  
She smirked widely and took his drink from him, taking a small sip. “You know, I swore I’d never drink again after that last debacle.”   
  
“Everything needs moderation” Yamada assured, rubbing her thigh. Like how he needed to moderate how much he wanted to screw at this very second. 

  
Dana played with the wig, sighing, “Maybe I’ll get a small drink then. I dunno if blonde suits me.”   
  
To be honest, he wasn’t…really a fan. He wasn’t sure if it was his own blond oppression or what, he just truly preferred her as a brunette. Not that she wasn’t perfect or anything regardless, just unless she wanted to it wasn’t really…necessary. “I just wish The Photographer was here, I’d definitely want some pictures of _this._ ”   
  
She smiled some, lying on top of him against his chest. Mmph, those breasts. He really thought _he’d_ be the one mindful of his coin usage but damn, she made him want to throw them away left and right. 

Dana played with his hair, gazing at him lazily. What? “Yamada, I was thinking…”   
  
“Hmm?”   
  
“You know, Kari is actually a really nice girl. I wasn’t really sure about her because of you two’s…history but, I mean, she’s really thoughtful and fun. I think she’d be a great catch.”   
  
…What the s—t? Yamada wasn’t sure if he was _offended_ but it _felt_ like offended? Or maybe it was something he just wasn’t able to identify but it made him _angry_. “And why, precisely, are you trying to hook me up with someone?”   
  
“I’m-I’m just saying, y’know? Like, when we…when we have to end this, I-I think she’d be good for you.”   
  
Oh, _right_ , it was about time for him to seek replacements. Sitting up quickly, he threw his legs over the side of the chair, feeling his jaw grow taut. Dana sat on her haunches, her touch nervous as she rubbed his shoulders. “I…I was just saying, Yamada. I wasn’t trying to upset you, it’s…it’s just I think you’re a wonderful person and…and I just thought I’d suggest it. I’m sorry.”   
  
It was hella different hearing it from her than Shin. He could toss it off to Shin’s bull when he said he ought to stick with his kind. When she ‘recommended’, it just meant he needed to stop being so damned attached to this temporary… _thing_ they had. It just… _pissed him off_ though. 

Dana kissed the back of his neck tenderly, hugging his shoulders. “Don’t be mad with me, please…”   
  
“…I’m not mad with you, Dana” he murmured faintly. Just mad he wasn’t like Craig Izumi living in his family’s mansion with millions of dollars to his name so at the very least he could _possibly_ approach a family like Dana’s. But…for what exactly?   
  
Her smile returned when he cupped her cheeks, leaning in to kiss her. Yes, what exactly? When did his mind cross into being comfortable with a permanent fixture in his life? At this dumb age? He wasn’t even twenty yet and, in his head, this was the person he could fathom being with. Out of the millions of people in the universe, _her_. This one. This one he couldn’t even be out in public with or even call her house because he wasn’t good enough. Or, even better, she was betrothed. This was the person he fathomed in some fictional alternate universe where he was rich and not a ‘mud blood’ he would want to ask to be with him. 

Yamada moaned into her mouth as her fingers nimbly pulled down his zipper, her hand wrapping around him. He…he didn’t know _how_ , he’d never had one single example except Shin’s dad who cheated on his wife at the bar all the time with hookers and other wives, but he…he felt he’d be a good husband. He’d…he’d take care of her. And he knew Dana and that she wasn’t the type of wife that would _want_ that but…he’d support her. Whatever she wanted, he’d be there for her a thousand percent or more.   
  
“Ah” Dana rasped as he grasped her ass in both hands, nipping at her throat. He…was being so stupid though. They _both_ knew going into this what it meant; it was the one night stand equivalent of a relationship. It’d go absolutely nowhere…   
  


“Mmph, Yamada, I want to use a coin” Dana said hotly, her tongue slipping between his lips. 

  
That left six. Six left. Six…more times to be together. He almost wanted to turn her down, tell her to wait and make this last longer but he weakly complied.   
  
…Why’d he feel ill now that he realized that he…truly was going to lose her? No amount of frugality was going to make this last and he had to come to terms with that. She had. She was planning for his next girlfriend. He… 

…He didn’t want a ‘next’.   
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

  
_“Dana…”  
  
What? She winced as she forced her eyes open, sleepily gazing around the bedroom. It…didn’t seem familiar. _

_Oh, right. She and Yamada had left to have sex then returned to the festivities. He’d insisted upon condoms and she complied but, as Harumi said, they felt terrible and she felt mostly unsatisfied. Yamada also admitted he preferred just to pull out but even that was risky. She didn’t get him, she had no desire to be pregnant so it wasn’t that big a deal._

_She hid when Izumi Craig caught up with him, the two laughing and talking about something. She could have sworn Shin came too though. Where was he? Now that she was seeing Yamada have an exchange with someone, she couldn’t recall ever seeing Yamada and Shin having a casual exchange. Not in a very long time._

_Dana groaned when she saw Kari making out with some guy in the corner, her shirt already gone. When Yamada went to bed, the girl had pouted and said it was unfair Dana couldn’t go places because she was rich. Everything she’d understood said the opposite, that she ought to have tons of freedoms. Mina was pragmatic and said that was just how things were sometimes. Kari said it didn’t HAVE to be and suggested they disguise her. Dana had thought it was silly but they went to a store, assembled the outfit she was horrified by, and even bought her the most obscuring wig._

_Kari laughed charmingly when it was all compiled, reporting she was the real model material. Dana thought she was mocking her but Kari informed her that she was ‘super pretty’. “Like, I mean, you’re just gorgeous, Dana. You and Yamada are like this match made in Heaven, man.”  
  
Right. Heaven also said they couldn’t be together. Or was that Hell? “Do you think Yamada’s attractive, Kari?”   
  
“Dana, everyone thinks Yamada’s sexy, they’re lying otherwise.”   
  
_

_But… “And his studies? Do you think those are a waste of time?”  
  
Kari seemed perplexed. “No? I mean, you asked me before I became a model, maybe I’d say it’s crazy but if anyone can pull it off, it’s Yama! I think us Wasaba folk just get caught up in the way things always are when we try to say someone can’t do something. That’s why you’re the best thing that’s happened to him, y’know?” _

_Just…she couldn’t remain the ‘best thing that’s happened to him’. Her wedding was in August, a week after her birthday. It was all over in three months and there couldn’t be a single thing left between them. The pictures, the jewelry, the clothes he gave her. She’d have to return it to avoid question. Every bit of their relationship, vanquished…_

_Dana wasn’t sure what happened on Yamada’s end but she knew what happened on hers. She drank like she promised she wouldn’t again. In whatever drunken state, she could only recall stalking over to an equally inebriated Yamada, grabbing his belt loop, and demanding he ‘f—k her right’ this time. She could only be grateful he returned them to the same room to do their business.  
  
Now, at apparently five in the morning, Yamada was waking her up with the sourest expression. It was fine, she’d already had Harumi cover for her but she had a feeling. “Dana, we didn’t use a condom AGAIN.”   
  
“It’s not a big deal, Yama…”   
  
“What do I need to explain to make it a big deal, Dana? It’s a big deal!”   
  
She was too sleepy for this…Yamada stood up and picked his pants off the floor, grumbling, “C’mon, let’s go back to Wasaba.”   
  
Now? He seemed too aggravated for her to argue with so she also got dressed, tiredly stumbling behind him. Her sweet Yama hugged her waist going down the steps though and held her hand as they were heading outside. He paused and groaned. “S—t, I have to find everyone.”   
  
He settled her on a chair beside another couple that was knocked out. It almost looked like a massacre, people sleeping anywhere they could, including the ground. Shockingly some were still awake, including Craig.   
  
“Dude, what the hell? Why aren’t you knocked out?” Yamada demanded.   
  
Craig yawned into the back of his hand, “Kira works her late shift on Saturdays so I stay up to get her call that she got home safe. Usually I pick her up but she worries about me coming to get her and having to drive back.”   
  
_

_…How sweet. Even Yamada seemed surprised. “That’s…nice of you.”  
  
“Haha, nothing like that. That’s my girl, I wouldn’t feel right not knowing.”   
  
Yamada had informed her of Craig’s relationship with a Wasaba native. He didn’t notice it but he seemed slightly resentful. Yes, being as Craig was a man, while she’d heard of many an overbearing mother, he was able to have a relationship with anyone. It upset her too. _

_Tep, Jum, and Roller were easy enough to find, asleep on a couch in one of the living rooms. Dana awkwardly went around to find Mina and Kari, quietly opening doors to the many bedrooms. She found Kari with TWO guys and Mina with a boy and girl…yea, Dana had her sexual limits and that’d probably be one of them._

_The two groggily followed her after she stirred them and found Yamada staring up into the expansive ceilings. It was a beautiful home and she wondered what he was thinking… “Yamachin, did you find Shin?”  
  
“Hmm? Oh, I never got to the…other level. Lemme go look.”   
  
He meant the third floor. Three floors. Dana settled Kari and Mina with the other three before rushing to go assist Yamada. It was emptier up here so she was wondering if Shin had just left on his own… _

_Alas, they finally found him in the last bedroom at the end of the hall. By himself? When Yamada woke him, he looked briefly confused himself…before his face shifted to amazement. “Dude, she LEFT. Like, she just left! We had sex like five times and she told me ‘it’s been fun’ and was gone! Poof! Isn’t that amazing? She didn’t even want anything from me!”  
  
Yamada just stared at him emptily before remarking, “Yea. Amazing.”   
  
Dana gazed up at him while he stood in the hallway to wait for Shin to dress. He looked lost, like something wasn’t adding up. She knew that was what Yamada was into when they first met, just open end relationships or, preferably, no strings at all. Shin was still impressed by that but apparently Yamada thought more of what Craig had right now… _

_“Uh…Dana?”  
  
She jumped, startled, when Shin emerged, now staring at her in wide-eyed amazement. Oh yea, she was still wearing a wig and this short-short outfit. Smiling awkwardly, she crossed her arms to somewhat hide her exposed breasts. “Haha, yea. This is my alter-ego, Lana.”   
  
Yamada leered as Shin apparently tried to come up with something NOT awkward. She couldn’t help smile when the blond just held her waist, grunting, “She’s f—king spectacular and that’s where we’re going to leave it at, pal.”   
  
“I wasn’t going to say anything BAD!” Shin protested, following them as they went down the steps. _

_“Uh huh.”  
  
Dana closed her eyes as she hugged Yamada’s torso, the sun starting to rise in the distance as the two argued. This wouldn’t last forever and she’d come to accept that. _

_At least she got to live it once.  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX _

“Yamada!”   
  
Man, he was not feeling so good about that one, Yagami Yamada thought as he scratched his forehead. It was the final exam and while he knew he hadn’t _failed_ it, he had this feeling he didn’t ace it. A 97 or something, probably. But hell, he’d made it. His first semester was over.   
  
They got a brief intermission before summer courses began. Unfortunately, once again, it’d cut into his week day visits with Dana but he decided to take a course that met daily from 5:30 to 8:45. Not too bad, anyway, they could still sneak out and stuff. She’d been pretty busy lately anyway and he’d been disappointed that she’d be out of town for at least a week of his small vacation. He really wasn’t sure what he’d even do with his time…work, yea, but jeez, getting off at 5 with free time and no Dana…?   
  
Yamada slowed down after hearing Izumi Craig call for him, the guy apparently at the library late, cramming. “Hey man, how’s it going?”   
  
Craig grinned, “Awesome now! What are you doing next week?”   
  
Oh jeez, another party? He didn’t think he could do that again, Shin and the gang hadn’t stopped asking him from last time if Craig was having another one. Craig was like the party god now in their sight. Yamada enjoyed it, sure, but something ate at him there. Maybe…just seeing someone with at least a similar genetic background doing so much better.   
  
But Craig was a nice guy so that’s what made him feel like garbage. The guy was like male Dana, he’d actually come to his house now from time to time to play cards or something. Apparently he also liked American rock and told him about all these concerts he’d gone to. Yamada felt at least a little good that he’d seen Bowie… 

“Nothing, probably working.”   
  
Craig’s excitement kind of went down. What? “Oh yea…man, I guess it would be kind of short notice.”   
  
“What?” Yamada raised a brow. 

“Well, it doesn’t hurt to ask!” he brightened again, “I’m going to America for a week and I want you to come with me.”   
  
… _WHAT?_ Yamada was astounded as Craig waved his hands, “I’m going to see AC/DC in Pittsburgh and you’re like the only guy I know that likes them too! I want you to come see them with me.”   
  
Hold on a damn second. Yamada had to hold his hands up to get a moment to understand what was being said to him. “…America. As in, the United States.”   
  
“Yea!”   
  
‘Oh, hey man, let me fly you _fifteen hours_ to go see a concert!’. He thought DANA had been crazy! “C-Craig, I…I dunno, man--” 

  
“C’mon, Yamada, it’ll be _great_. We can see AC/DC, I can take you to see the Statue of Liberty and the White House—all these American things! Imagine!”   
  
Yamada _never ever_ thought he’d even _make it_ to America and now suddenly he was just getting _offered_. “Where will I stay? Isn’t it expensive?”   
  
“No way. We’re going on my dad’s jet and we’re staying in my mom’s old family home in Pennsylvania. I’ll rent a car and we can bust around the coast!”   
  
Overwhelmed, Yamada rubbed his arm. America. “U-Uh, I-I…it sounds _great,_ man--” 

“I know, I know” Craig said, patting his back, “Think about it and lemme know in a couple days. We fly out Sunday.”   
  
That was _literally_ a couple of days. Yamada just nodded dumbly and they waved as they parted ways. America, his MIA father’s homeland? What…what if he ran into the guy? Not that he’d recognize Yamada or even vice versa… 

What was he thinking? Souma wouldn’t even let him off. Calling the guy to ask and make himself feel better, he told him about the opportunity expecting an explicit ‘no’. “Yamada, that’s incredible! You ought to go, you can use your vacation time!”   
  
What the s—t was ‘vacation time’? “Uh, the accrued hours you got from working that allow for you to take time off and get paid?”   
  
As in…he didn’t come to work…but he _still got paid_? What the hell sense did that make?! “Yamada, you get four hours per check worth of vacation or sick time. You have _well_ over a week. Go on and take it.”   
  
What was this? Yamada actually had to sit in silence for a long moment to digest that he was going to be paid for not coming to work because he came to work. He really had moved up in the world. 

Okay, so…that hadn’t worked. Dana! Dana would tell him not to go! Waiting for her call, he bashfully beat around the bush and told her about it. “ _Yamachin, that’s so EXCITING!_ You’re going, right?!”   
  
Ugh. “I…guess.”   
  
“Oh, Yamachin, I know you’re nervous but it’ll be so fantastic. You’ll get to see another _world_!” 

…Okay. “…I’ll miss you” he grumbled, embarrassed to even admit it.   
  
Ugh, Dana. “You’re so cute!! I’ll miss you too, Yamachin. Ah! Can you bring me a ‘I heart NY’ shirt?!” 

Yamada smirked, shaking his head, “You’re one in a million, kid. I’ll buy you some souvenirs _if_ I go.”   
  
Dana was supportive like he ought to remember she always was, his…backbone or something. She kept him going when he gave up, spineless. He whispered because his mouth went dry when she was preparing to go. Damn it.   
  
“What was that, Yamachin? I didn’t hear you.”   
  
“Mm, nothing. If I _do_ go Sunday, can I meet up with you for a burger tomorrow if you’re free?”   
  
“It’s a date. I’ll see you tomorrow. G’night, Yama.”   
  
“G’night, Dana.”   
  
Okay, so that made him ill. One last _possible_ out. Yamada grabbed his cigs and walked toward South Wasaba. To go alone was crazy but, well, whatever. He was frustrated enough he might be itching for a fight.   
  


Nope, must’ve been a slow night. He was asked if he wanted to have a good time by some hookers and if he wanted a dimebag to which he politely rejected. Luckily no one was pushy.   
  
Going up the steps of Hisakawa’s apartment, technically a little over a week early, Yamada did the secret knock and gave the password. Shin could die, that was a solid reason not to go. 

He was let in and pat down because apparently it was strange for him just to stop by. Yea, this was not his favorite place to be, that was for sure. Hisakawa even had to emerge from his bedroom, appearing confused. “Is something the matter, Yagami?”   
  
“Sort of” Yamada remarked, lighting a cigarette, “I’m supposed to go out of the country for a week but, of course, I can’t be assured you won’t turn Shin into a corpse if I’m not here to make payment.”   
  


Hisakawa thoughtfully scratched his cheek, also grabbing a cigarette. “Well…s—t happens, right? Just give Shin a down payment and we’ll square it away when you get back.”   
  
Why the hell was EVERYONE being so damn flexible?! Damn, he guessed he was going to half his motherland! Yamada groaned, “Okay…how much?”   
  
Like an accountant, Hisakawa got out his book and was even running figures. Jeez. Yamada settled across from him and at one point wondered when he’d break out his old abacus. Finally, exhaling a puff of smoke, Hisakawa replied: “By average of how much he’s been cutting, 2,500 ought to be enough.” 

  
Groaning, Yamada nodded. Luckily he had more than that saved in his ‘Shin bank’, thanks to Maurice’s generous payment. He had been able to add basically an entire paycheck to the savings after living off of that for two weeks at ease. At heart he was a simple man.   
  
“Write me up a contract, Hisakawa” Yamada drawled, “I’ve got it, just not on me.”   
  
Hisakawa took out a slip of carbon paper which was pure insanity to Yamada that he had. Well…it made things easier. Yamada folded the paper and put it in his pocket. “Well, thanks for doing business, Hisakawa. Want anything from America?”   
  
While he was entirely kidding, Hisakawa’s eyes actually brightened. “They have this candy, Kit Kats. My late mom used to have a friend of hers send them over for me and they’re so good.”   
  
His mom was dead? Yamada couldn’t help his brows furrowing, “…Do you not _have_ parents, Hisakawa?”   
  
“Mom and dad died from cancer from the bombs when I was 11” he shrugged absently.   
  
…Oh s—t. “Oh, I…I didn’t know that. Sorry.”   
  
“Mm” Hisakawa said softly…before handing him five hundred gold pieces, “Bring me a box of Kit Kats.”   
  
“Sure.”   
  
Yamada wandered out, wondering. Damn. He…he guessed Hisakawa _didn’t_ have much foundation. He kind of wanted to know who took care of him after he lost both of his parents to cancer. Funny how the more he found out about that guy the more things fell into place. Still was a piece of s—t for trying to have his mom raped though.   
  
He’d have to call Craig tomorrow, he was probably out with Kira by now. Man, what would he _pack_? Did he even HAVE a suitcase? What for? He’d never gone anywhere longer than a day. Maybe Shin had one… 

Oh, he should have gone to _Shin_ for nonsupport. Of course, then he’d have been convinced to go even if Souma said ‘no way’, Dana told him it was a bad idea, and Hisakawa said he’d shoot Shin on the spot. “You’re going to AMERICA? For _what_?”   
  
“Your cousin goes all the time!”   
  
Shin glared, pouring himself a cup of whiskey, “So? He’s making _deals_ for people, not just going over there to go party. Are you nuts? What if Craig just ditches you there?”   
  
What could he possibly do that would make Craig ditch him in another country? “I am…a million billion percent sure that will not happen, Shin.”   
  
“Oh yea? What about Hisakawa? You’re just going to go off and party with your new friends and forget your duties?”   
  
Yamada slammed down on his couch, feeling a migraine. Why was he getting so many headaches with this guy now? “I _just_ got back from speaking with Hisakawa about it. We’ve agreed on how much I’ll pay and he said we were cool to square away when I see him next.”   
  
Shin sat on the other end, his brows furrowed. “How are you two so cooperative when you hate his guts?”   
  
Your stupid ass. “Is it important? We’re able to communicate our issues and come to agreements without too much side talk. I’m going to give the cash to you tomorrow and you’ll have to give it to him for me. We’re good. He even wrote me up a contract.”   
  
Shin shook his head but didn’t say anything. Yamada felt…strange but he probably needed to go get prepared. “So…any chance you have a suitcase?”   
  
The guy finally snickered, “I’m more of a long stick and handkerchief guy, myself.” 

  
Yamada chuckled, “Yea, that sounds about right. Hisakawa wants Kit Kats from America. You want anything?”   
  
“Kit Kat?” Shin echoed, bewildered, “What’s that?”   
  
“Candy” Yamada raised a brow, “Apparently his mom’s friend used to send it to him. You know that his parents are dead?”   
  
“It’s not _that_ uncommon to have dead parents, Yamada. You’re the weird one with your mom and dad still being alive.”   
  
Ah haha, yea, and how his dad didn’t know he existed. But when he thought about it, Shin wasn’t wrong. Kari’s dad had died in a shootout similar to Hamasaki’s, Mariko’s dad had been shot in a robbery, and Mina’s parents died in an accident. Tep and Roller had lost their mothers to drug overdoses so, out of the people he grew up with, he and Jum were really the only two that did ‘have’ both parents. He guessed he ought to hug his mom or something… 

Yamada lit up another cigarette, absently staring out of the window, “…Dunno. He’s still a bastard but I couldn’t help feel sorry for him, especially since his parents died from something like the bombs.”   
  
“You get over that stuff” Shin muttered, closing his eyes.   
  
“…Do you?”   
  
He took a long sip of bourbon and looked up at the ceiling. “Dad went out the punk way. Running a business, answering to the man at the end of the day, then he still got shot down like a dog. He didn’t play the game right. He didn’t.”   
  
Yamada looked at Shin’s face, finding he was pale and getting…thin. “…I think your dad did things the right way to an extent, Shin. And when I sat by him when he was dying he asked me to make sure you don’t go on a bulls—t path. I almost think I’m failing him with our little ‘competition’ to see who’s right.” 

“Not until we figure out who’s really on the ‘bulls—t path’.”   
  
Yea. Yamada stood and sighed, “Well, lay off the cocaine a little bit, will ya’? You’ll scare chicks if you’re thinner than them.”   
  
Shin smirked, flipping him off and stretching his legs out. “That is pretty solid advice.”   
  
“I’ll see you tomorrow.”   
  
“Mm.”   
  
Oh, Jum’s dad traveled, he’d probably have a suitcase. Oh man, he was going to _America_. They’d probably treat him like crap and he’d be so confused and stupid about everything. Why was he even doing this?   
  
…Because he had the opportunity, unlike other people. People that had it robbed of them…and robbed themselves. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

**_‘And it came to pass that rock n’ roll was born. And across the land, every rockin’ band was blowin’ up a storm.’_**

_This had been NUTS._

_When he called Izumi Craig Saturday, Yamada almost just wanted to reject it because he wanted to reject it. Alas, he’d be lying to himself to say he wasn’t curious. Craig was ecstatic and said he’d be there around 5 in the morning to pick him up to go to the airport._

_Okay. That left him time to do something a little special for Dana. He dressed up a bit when he went to get her and informed her they were doing something different. He’d laughed when she pouted about not getting a burger so he swore that was going to be their late night treat._

_She was delighted with his surprise, a trip to a beautiful garden about an hour away. While kami knows if someone she knew might see them, they walked around holding hands. He'd taken her to this vintage shop too so she could get a floral spring flouncy dress. While he'd never get it, when she accessorized it with buckled shoes and a matching hair wrap thing, she just looked so happy so he was okay with that._

_  
"You're so romantic, Yamachin." _

_Yamada smirked as he leaned back on his palms, having surprised her with some bentos he made so they could have a picnic lunch. "I dunno about that..."_

_"You are!" she insisted, nibbling on the egg roll, "I don't think I ever thought anyone would take me on a picnic."_

_  
"Yea, well, let's keep me being Romantic-san between us." _

_Dana smiled, "So are you excited?"_

_"Horrified, you mean" he groaned, "I realized I've never been on a plane and my first trip is f--king fifteen hours."_

_"And it'll be worth it!" Dana gushed._

_He...wished she could come with him to soothe his nerves. They went to various shrines and temples before he got her back home to have her burger, dress herself the way her mother wanted her to, and take her to her neighborhood. Dana gave him a kiss and told him to enjoy himself, that he deserved it. Maybe? Holding her waist for a moment, he found something was rolling to the tip of his tongue but wouldn't...jump. "Thanks."_

_So he went to bed, figuring he'd need to be somewhat coherent when Craig showed up at 5 am. When the man knocked on his door, he told his mother he'd be back in a week and took a long, hard breath. He was leaving Japan.  
  
_

_Craig had been disgruntled when Yamada opened the door. "Man, do you just happen to have a passport?"  
  
_

_Welp, he wasn't leaving Japan. "Nope."_

_"Ugh, I totally forgot. Well, don't mind that, we'll get some strings pulled and get you processed while we're in the states."_

_'Pull some strings' so he could basically illegally enter another country. That was power, damn. Yamada swallowed when they sat in an airplane nicer than his domicile and Craig gave him some gum so his ears wouldn't pop. Yep, not liking this._

_"Haha, you ride a motorcycle and you're getting motion sick?"_

_He wanted to kill Craig when about twenty minutes into the ride, sailing in the air, he felt like he was going to hurl while that bastard went to sleep. Yamada woke him to question if this fancy pants jet of his had a bathroom in case he needed to throw up. "Man, I'd be dead if I had to hold it for fifteen hours. It's that door in the back. Also, if you look in that drawer, there's some Dramamine."  
  
_

_Dramamine? Oh, the nausea medicine. Yamada took it, skeptical it would work, but admittedly it did make him feel better. He looked out of the window but...that was frightening for other reasons. He heard these things could crash without warning...he'd closed his eyes and gone to sleep. If he was going to die in a ball of flames he didn't want to be conscious to see it._

_So...they left Sunday and landed in JFK Airport...Sunday. Yamada was very much confused, that was for sure. Craig had yawned and took him to some office. He was speaking to someone in English and next thing Yamada knew he was getting his picture taken. Oh, the passport._

_And America._

_When they walked out of the airport, he was almost shocked into a coma. It was so...busy, it was 4 am. People were bumping into him and he wanted to know what the hell their problem was. Craig laughed and said 'think Tokyo'. Oh, okay, now he got it._

_It was crazy._

_Craig said they'd have to drive down to Pennsylvania but they could wait until Tuesday for that. Sure? So they went to a hotel where Yamada apparently had a room all to himself that was bigger than the entirety of his apartment. And the bed he'd had was life, he was prepared just to sleep forever._

_Nope, none of that. From about noon the next day to 3 am, Yamada and Craig ran around New York City. They stood in the Statue of Liberty, went to a giant ass art museum, Time Square, and ate some good ass food. Yamada was stunned by it all but he did snag Dana's 'I Heart NY' shirt...and one for himself. They went to some club...'Studio 54' and he was literally about two feet from David Bowie himself when he came in. He wanted to tell Dana SO MUCH._

_Come Tuesday, Craig rented a Mustang and they left the mecca that was New York. While very much nervous to have to drive with the absolute OPPOSITE of what he knew to be driving rules, it was beyond exciting and he and Craig raced down the highway, listening to a Deep Purple cassette they got from a gas station. These open roads were awesome._

_Pennsylvania...wasn't quite as happening as New York initially until they got to 'Philly'. So many skyscrapers! Craig insisted they stopped and had some of his favorite Italian food this side of the planet. While Yamada had been a little iffy about the new food, be damned if he'd had one bad thing yet._

_Pittsburgh, he got to see where Craig's mother was born. Apparently her parents had moved back to their home state of Colorado but she had wanted to keep the house. It wasn't anywhere near as big as the house in Subami so he wasn't certain why she'd want to keep it. Sentiment, he supposed, and, when they settled in, he had to admit it was very cozy and homely. Bigger wasn't always better._

_Craig took this time to call Kira, calculating out the time to make sure he wasn't calling her at some ungodly hour. The call didn't last long but he offered Yamada the phone to call someone, if he liked. There was only one person he would call but that was impossible. Craig had questioned 'why?' and he told him the circumstances without mentioning the girl...and in some crazy move, Craig said he'd go get his cousin that lived nearby. Uh, what?_

_The young girl giggled and was struggling a bit as they coached her how to ask for Dana. She read from the script rather robotically before holding the phone out so they could hear Dana's butler's response. As whoever was going to get Dana, Craig and his cousin departed after the task was done..._

_"Hello?"_

_"Oi."_

_"Oh my gosh, Yama?"_

_"Yep" he murmured, sitting on the couch. This was crazy, she was all the way across the world and here he was talking to her._

_"Hi!" she gasped, "Did you--"_

_Yamada stood to pace, a little anxious. "No, no, Craig's cousin posed as one of your female friends...how are you?"_

_"I'm doing well, just...doing some prepping. And nothing as great as you! How are you? Are you having fun?"_

_He was having so much damn fun it ought to be illegal. Yamada stared in wide-eyed amazement as Angus Young duckwalked back and forth on stage with Brian Johnson singing out 'Let There Be Rock'. Bon Scott was unfortunately gone which would have made this excellent. Alas, this...was amazing._

_  
“Yea…I…I wish you were here.”   
  
**‘One night in the club called The Shakin’ Hand there was a 42 decibel rocking band. And the music was good and the music was loud. And the singer turned and he said to the crowd: ‘Let there be rock-k-k’!’** _

_This was too much, it was such an overwhelming sensation. Had this been Zeppelin, he was a hundred percent sure he’d be balled up on the floor, crying in disbelief, right now. Never in a thousand years._

_“Good show, right?” Craig gushed, the two of them shoulder to shoulder as they shuffled out with the crowd once it was over.  
  
“It was incredible” Yamada rasped, “Thank you so much.”   
  
Craig slapped his back haughtily, “No problem! I wish we could see Zeppelin but they’re going to be in Denmark in August and I dunno if I can pull that and school.”   
  
“Craig, this is more than enough. I’m nearly speechless, really.”   
  
“Haha, don’t cry on me, man.”   
  
_

_Yamada elbowed him but laughed, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “Wanna go get something to eat?”  
  
“Always!”   
  
Jeez, what was with this needing to be 21 to drink? They didn’t care in New York, Yamada thought crossly when they went to a 24-hour diner and asked for a beer. Craig grinned, having had to stick to Coke when they were denied their request. “It varies by state. New York’s age limit is 18. Here it’s 21.”   
  
Well, that was confusing. He’d have to try to buy his mom and Shin some Jack Daniels where it was legal then, when they got back to the airport. Tomorrow they planned to go down to D.C. and Yamada was a wee bit nervous. What if he saw him?   
  
And he must’ve been insane, he thought in amazement as he stood before the long water way in front of…a tall…pencil? Craig, wearing a pair of shorts and a tee shirt as it was actually kind of toasty, adjusted his sunglasses. “That’s the Washington Monument. We can stand in it.”   
  
So they stood in that. They stood by this GIGANTIC statue of one of their leaders, Lincoln or something. They walked to the White House where the President of the country apparently lived… Yamada looked around, his hands behind his back. “…This is pretty neat.”   
  
“I think so” Craig agreed, “Politics here are so complicated though.”   
  
He didn’t know much about politics. He knew their Prime Minister was Masayoshi Ohira but any more than that? Nope. Craig yawned into the back of his hand, blinking languidly, “We probably shouldn’t stick around though. This area is really bad at night so we probably should just head on back up to New York.”   
  
While Yamada found himself intrigued by what the United States’ ‘bad’ was, he wasn’t going to argue. Funny he worried about running into his father though. It was so…packed. _

_They stopped on the Jersey Shore. They went by Hersheypark too where he got a nicely sized box of Kit Kat’s for Hisakawa. He wondered if Dana would have liked something but, well, maybe he’d just buy one off of asshole._

_“Kira’s so pragmatic” Craig complained. “I mean, I want to get her something fancy like Neiman Marcus or Saks Fifth Avenue but she’d return it!”  
  
His girl wouldn’t. Too bad they walked into one store, he saw a 2800 piece raincoat, and promptly walked out. Sorry, not for something designed to keep him from getting wet at most. He got her a pair of turquoise earrings. Dana wasn’t concerned about the price tag, just that it was fashionable. _

_“It’s been fun” Yamada murmured, looking out of the window as they waited to be boarded.  
  
“I think so. You’ll definitely have to come back some time, man, there’s a lot out there to see.”   
  
Yamada looked to Craig as he started talking about how he couldn’t wait to see Kira and tell her about the swell time they had. Yea, him too. He’d…he’d have loved to share this experience with Dana. Not to say Craig wasn’t an awesome pal right now, just… _

_…He couldn’t say what it was. It felt like…this distance? This…_

_This was what it was going to feel like in the next couple of months._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Dana stood motionless on the pedestal as the tailors adjusted the plain shiromuku. It was gorgeous, really, something she may have wanted to wear…except…_

_She wanted a western gown._

_It felt like a slap in the face to her culture and their country but her mind wandered on designs. There was a lot of mobility in a gown and a kimono…a kimono was tradition. Tradition didn’t change and…_

_She’d have worn a kimono for the ceremony but she would have liked to wear a western gown for the festivities after. Just a little bit of…of both…_

_Swallowing hard, she held her chin up as they complained she was a little bigger than their last fitting. Her mother scoffed that she would become even stricter on her diet. She could be as strict as she wanted, a certain someone Dana knew wouldn’t let her get so hungry she passed out like her mother desired._

_Staring at herself in the mirror, Dana faintly wondered what he would think if he saw this._

_“You need to begin curtailing your extracurricular activities with friends now.”  
  
Dana sat quietly in their car as they were driven back to the mansion, her mother sitting a whole seat over. “You are going to be a wife soon and no husband will want to hear their wife is off dallying with their high school friends.”   
  
“…If I am to be a proper wife, wouldn’t it be preferred I get it out of my system?”   
  
“You ought to have the self-control to do so on your own” the woman said gravely, “You are no longer a child, Dana, and you need to begin acting like an adult.”   
  
Didn’t adults get to choose whom they wanted to marry? Pursing her lips tightly to keep her bitterness from escaping, she whispered sharply, “Yes.”   
  
“That being said, going out with Harumi and her family on Saturdays will need to cease. It is not proper to stay with a family so frequently.”   
  
“Yes” Dana whispered.   
  
“And you ought not look like I’ve taken away your play time. For God’s sake, to give a Kamaishi elite such a spoiled brat for a wife. I’m mortified and embarrassed.”   
  
Dana felt ill. “Y-Yes.”   
  
“If it will satisfy you into acting appropriately, I will allow one more Saturday to spend with your friend. After, I expect you to act as a Kobayashi lady.”   
  
One more night. “Thank you, ma’am.”   
  
…One more night. _

Or two. 

Kobayashi Dana had requested going Friday and returning Sunday evening when her parents decided to go out of town with her older sister’s fiance’s family. Noriko’s fiancé didn’t need to marry her at sixteen. He said he’d be ready to settle down at 22 and that was fine and dandy. Not Domo. Sixteen.   
  
Dana walked into Wasaba around 8 after her parents were long gone, feeling sick still. Yamada had gotten back from America a week ago and she hadn’t called him once. He hadn’t tried to call either but…she couldn’t fault him that, it was difficult to pull.   
  
The last couple of days. 

  
“Dana.”   
  
She yelped, startled, when Yagami Yamada appeared on the line between Hondo and the Wasaba neighborhood on his motorcycle. He took off his helmet and glared a little as he turned off his bike. Oh, he was mad again. 

“C’mere. I thought you hated me or something.”   
  
Dana scoffed, blushing as he hugged her to his chest. It…it was always so warm there and she couldn’t fathom this ending. Her soul couldn’t accept that…that this was coming to a close. 

“I-I’m sorry. I’ve been trapped around my mother all week” she rasped, embracing his neck, “Welcome back. I missed you.”   
  
He held her waist gently, gazing at her so deeply. She’d never get to stare into his eyes again or see his face? Never again? Dana swallowed hard as he pressed his hand to her forehead, his brows furrowing. “You okay? You look pale. Is your mom starving you again?”   
  
“Ha-a-a, yea” she sighed gravely.   
  
“Doing my girl like that” he grumbled, kissing the top of her head, “C’mon, let’s go get some Chinese and I can tell you about my homeland.”   
  
Dana couldn’t help laugh at that, climbing on the back of the motorcycle and hugging his waist tight. “So you claim the United States now?”   
  
“Oh no, I’m Japanese through and through. Just I have more stories to tell from a week than I do from a year of my life.”   
  
She giggled, relaxing her cheek against his back as he wheeled his motorcycle back around to get the Chinese. “I can’t wait to hear more about it.”   
  


He gave her the helmet, both as protection and hiding herself. She would hate for this to be interrupted. She…she needed this little time left. Yamada got a few dishes as she sat out on the bike, hugging herself. But…was this enough?   
  
“Man, we had Chinese in the states and there was so much salt my blood pressure rose enough I think I saw God” Yamada droned, returning to sit with her while their food was prepared. 

Dana laughed, raising a brow, “That sounds _awful_.”   
  
“Oh God, no, it was delicious. I’ve never enjoyed a near death experience so much.”   
  
Laughing more, she shoved him. “You’re so silly! What else did you eat?”   
  
Yamada groaned, “We had this absolutely _greasy_ sandwich. It was called a… ‘Philly cheesesteak’. It was like beef and cheese on a sub bun with onions and green peppers.”   
  
Her nose wrinkled, “That sounds disgusting too.”   
  
“I would _die_ for those things.”   
  
She was done with him. “You mean to tell me you had all these horrifically unhealthy things and you loved them?”   
  
“Dana, if it doesn’t hurt, why would I love it?” Yamada sighed airily.   
  
Smirking at him, she shook her head. “What else?”   
  
“Spaghetti? Like, out of Italy but Italian born people’s spaghetti? F—king perfect. And the pork ribs, oh my God, it was so horribly messy but delicious. And this thing, ‘cheesecake’? I don’t know who’s stupid ass said ‘let’s make cheese into a cake’ but they’re a brilliant jackass.”   
  
“Yamada, did you literally just _eat_ in America?”   
  
He tapped his cheek rather thoughtfully, “I have to say, they really love their food there. I think that might be an issue one day. I probably did gain five pounds over there.”   
  
Where? She’d felt like a bloated balloon lately even though her mother was forcing her on a diet. Yamada probably could stand to put on a little weight anyway, he was so slender… Dana pinked as he leaned in and kissed her tenderly. He was pretty regardless. 

When they got the food, Yamada drove them back to his apartment where she gorged happily on mapo doufu. Well, he had a point, why shouldn’t food be enjoyed? Yamada slurped his noodles, making a face, “Can you believe there was pretty much _no_ Japanese restaurants? I mean, not one?”   
  
Dana sipped the Coke he had gotten from the fridge. “Well…I imagine we’re not very popular still even if the war ended over twenty years ago.”   
  


“Craig told me there were more in ‘Los Angeles’ which was on the whole other side of the nation. We only went to four states out of fifty. Fifty! Oh, and I wanted to call you—I was at a club with _Bowie_.”   
  
“ _What?_ Bowie _who_?”   
  
“Who else?” Yamada demanded, drinking a beer, “ _David_. I was standing right next to him.”   
  
Dana was amazed. “Did you get a picture?!”   
  
“No way, I didn’t want to be _that_ person.”   
  
“Why not?!”   
  
She didn’t want to tell him this was it. He’d start acting strangely, she was sure, and he was so sweetly happy and everything. She…she wouldn’t break it to him just yet. Patting his stomach after he’d eaten his fill, Yamada’s eyes briefly widened before he crawled over to a suitcase on the floor. “Oi, before I forget.”   
  
Oh no, he got her things. Crawling back over with miscellaneous items in his hands, Yamada gave her a shirt, a keychain, some post cards, and a jewelry box. More…more jewelry she would have to give back at the end of the day. Or Sunday. “Yama, you shouldn’t have…”   
  
“Had to share my journey somehow. I thought a lot about how it would have been perfect if you were there too” he remarked, standing to stretch.   
  
She bit her lip, her heart starting to burn as he wandered into the kitchen with their dirty dishes. She would have liked that too. Dana smiled at the iconic ‘I heart NY’ shirt and pondered over the weird column keychain. What was it? She…reluctantly opened the jewelry box and found the prettiest turquoise earrings. He always just…knew.   
  
Dana squeaked when he hugged her shoulders from behind, kissing her jaw, “So…remember how I was a good boy and didn’t pick up one single girl my _whole-e-e-e_ time in New York and this week?”   
  
Oh boy. Dana smirked, “How am I supposed to know if that’s true or not? I heard American girls are pretty.”   
  
“Girls are pretty everywhere” Yamada said sagely, “But, I kept it in my pants because I have this sort of pretty girl back here I might like sometimes.”   
  
Snickering, Dana nodded, “Well, I guess…we’ll be down to four coins.”   
  
As if it mattered. They may as well give up on the coin system because they hadn’t even managed to use all of them as was. He just groaned, “Well…I guess I’ll cash one in then.”   
  
“Okay” she smiled softly, accepting his hand as he led her to his room.   
  
This could’ve been her life. Zann said her scarves and coin purses were growing more popular. And people loved the satchels too, he reported, having handed her about a thousand pieces in earning. Yes, a thousand pieces wouldn’t sustain necessarily but she could help support until it grew. That wasn’t even including what she was doing with Mina and Kari, that was, after expenses, at least another four thousand pieces. Yagada could be her portion of the livelihood and Yamada…Yamada could continue going to school and working. Things would…would be so lovely.   
  
But that…that wasn’t anything she was allowed to think about. This had always been a game meant to end and the sooner she accepted that the better.   
  


An existence where a brand, dead before it could flourish, named Yagada made sense was never meant to be. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

**_Company: always on the run. Destiny is the rising sun. Oh, I was born 6-gun in my hand. Behind a gun, I’ll make my final stand._**

_What…? “That’s why they call me ‘bad company’ and I can’t deny. Bad company ‘til the day I die!”  
  
Yamada drearily opened his eyes, confused. He was lying in bed, naked, his sheets up to his chin like someone had pulled them there. His radio was playing quietly and he wasn’t initially sure what was going on…until he saw Dana dancing around, wearing the shirt he got her and just a pair of her black underwear, and folding his shirts while she sang along.   
  
He watched her in quiet…admiration, he supposed. She really was this sort of incredible…being to him and he wondered what he was going to do when there was a without her. _

_“Bad-d-d-d company ‘til the day I--” she sang, turning in his direction while folding one of his many white shirts._

_She squealed, shocked, “Oh no, did I wake you? I’m sorry, I was trying to be quiet--”_

_“Nah…what are you doing anyway?” To wake up to clean up his room was odd.  
  
“Oh, I just couldn’t sleep…” she murmured, going to turn the radio off, “I…I can’t stop thinking about how I’ll have to go home, haha…”   
  
… “…Then don’t go home. Just stay here.”   
  
Dana paused and looked up at him quizzically. “What are you saying?”   
  
“Just stay here with me. You don’t have any reason to go back. I’ll…I’ll do all I can to support you. You’re good here.”   
  
While it was the most sincere thing he’d been able to cohesively pull together to tell Dana, she just smiled at him. Probably thought ‘what is this peasant telling me?’. In his head he was trying to frantically think of a recantation but she beat him to it. “I wish, Yamachin. If only things were that easy.” _

_…Right. Setting his clothes down, she crawled back into bed with him and hugged his waist. There was a long spell of silence so he figured she’d gone to sleep. However, she murmured after a while: “I’m going to get married a week after my birthday.”  
  
…Oh. _

_Yamada stared up at his ceiling, his brain trying to process this information. He struggled. He…really struggled and unlike every internal fight he had to overcome, he lost to this one. Say something._

_“Oh. I…I guess we’ll have to cancel our dinner cruise date, huh?”  
  
She chuckled sadly, “Yea…I was really looking forward to it.” _

_But…Yamada pursed his lips, about to declare he was entirely serious. They could move to North Wasaba which was somewhere between Subami and the pits of Wasaba. No one would really come in from Subami though because it had the Wasaba name. She could work on her line and they’d…be fine. It wouldn’t be the mansion but…_

_Yea…who was he kidding?  
  
_ This had been literally the worst two weeks of his life. 

Saturday while she was with Mina and Kari, he went with Shin for the meeting with Hisakawa. He threw in eighty pieces for the two Kit Kats he and Dana ate out of the giant box. Kind of rich for his taste but wasn’t too bad. Dana loved it. Maybe he should’ve bought some more… 

Shin had been quiet around him since he got back and though he accepted the Jack Daniels, he hadn’t asked a thing about the trip. Yamada wanted to…tell him about it but, well, okay. A whole week later it was no different. What was his problem?   
  
What was his problem? When they got there, Hisakawa was giving Shin a hard look. Surprisingly Shin paid completely and Yamada was grateful for that. When it was Yamada’s turn, Hisakawa stared at him gravely. “1,000.”   
  
“I beg your pardon? From what I just heard Shin paid entirely.”   
  
Hisakawa shot a look into the direction Shin went to get his stash before pulling something from underneath his couch cushion…the envelope he sent Shin with.   
  
Yamada got slightly paranoid and wanted to remind Hisakawa to be as upfront as he had been with their payments. Thus, he went and got a copy of the contract and made it into the envelope he put the money in. 

“I’m impressed by your methods, Yagami, really. Pretty ingenuous to make our contract into the envelope so it’s right there. Might have to use that one myself” Hisakawa drawled, throwing it to him, “Look on the right side, please.”   
  
What? Yamada’s brows furrowed as he turned the envelope in his hands. What the hell was the problem? 

The side was cut and resealed. 

…Yamada’s mind went over the implications. Maybe…Hisakawa cut it that way? But why when he could just easily open the fold? It was taped pretty badly compared to his handiwork too. So… Hisakawa shook his head. “A thousand was missing when I opened it.”   
  
... _What_? 

He could only gape as Hisakawa rubbed his face. “I…didn’t know what to say. If I thought he wouldn’t steal from _anyone,_ it was you. The terrible irony is that’s the money to keep his ass alive. And he _still_ shorted me. I told him I’d have his pinky toe cut off if he was short this week.”   
  
…What the f—k? That-that scum-sucking _son of a bitch_!! So if Yamada had been legitimately a part of this business, Shin would let _his_ ass be killed by stealing?! And all this MONEY he was feeding to keep that f—ker alive?! 

“Relax, Yagami, you look like you’re going to explode” Hisakawa said calmly, tapping his cheek, “…Look, you got my Kit Kats?”   
  
What the hell of it? Yamada gave him a dull look and Hisakawa reached out for the box. Taking them, he shrugged absently, “I’ll cook the books a little and we’ll start fresh next week.”   
  
What? Yamada wasn’t sure he was hearing right. “…A thousand is a lot of cooking.”   
  
Hisakawa shrugged, opening the lid on the already open box. “Whatever. It probably doesn’t even matter at this point.”   
  
_Ugh_ . “Look, prick ass, I’ll hate you until the day you die and there’s no changing that but the last thing I want is you and your stupid ass gang of junkies here getting killed because you swept some missing payments under the rug. I’ll get you the damn money but I’m going to have to stagger it. I need to take care of me too.”   
  
The funniest thing right now was Hisakawa looked healthier. Like, he was a spindly pale looking bastard when this whole thing started but now he was looking like he was less strung out. At least comparatively to Shin who was starting to look like a legitimate drug user. Hisakawa was rubbing the side of his face, absently looking into space. Was he really just wanting out of this? He finally looked at Yamada, his eyes half-closed.   
  
“Yagami, we’re _not_ friends and I doubt we ever will be but that bastard I know you’ve been hanging around with since you were ten-years-old would steal from you at the simulated risk of your own life. He’d make you look like you’re the one shirking responsibility when you’ve been responsibly showing up here every Saturday when you hate this s—t. He is not your friend either, Yagami. He just can’t be.”   
  
…Shit. 

Yamada honestly had to digest that. Because, honestly? It was the truth. 

Shin appeared and Yamada wasn’t sure what to do. He handed the envelope back to Hisakawa and murmured: “…I’ll square away with you regardless, Hisakawa.”   
  
“…Okay.”   
  
Yamada had felt drained when he walked out, Shin behind him. They were down on the street by the time he grabbed the front of Shin’s shirt and punched him in the jaw.   
  
“What the f—k, you ass?!” Shin screamed, shoving him roughly to swing back. 

It was an all-out fist fight and Yamada wasn’t even satisfied once he had Shin pinned to the ground. Some of the passersby stopped and watched them, hooting at them to ‘fight harder’. This Godawful place… 

And it was like every other fight they had. Once they were tired out, they angrily walked paces away from each other. Shin spat out blood, glaring at him angrily. “What’s your problem, huh? F—king piece of s—t!”   
  
“I’m the f—king piece of s—t?!” Yamada bellowed, holding his injured arm, “You motherf—king trash, you stole money out of that envelope?! You don’t give one damn s—t that I could have been shot right now, do you?! All this s—t I’ve gone through for you and you’d _steal from me_?!” 

  
Oh, _that_ changed things. Shin looked appalled, stopping and waving his hands. “W-Woah, woah, what the hell are you claiming?! I would never do that!”   
  
“Oh, yea, okay” Yamada scoffed sarcastically, “I guess Hisakawa decided to cut the edge of the envelope and take out a thousand _exactly.”  
  
_ “He must _have_ ” Shin insisted, following behind him, “Dude, listen, I’d be pissed _too_ if someone did that to me, I hear you! But I didn’t! I’d be guilty for the rest of my life if they killed you because I stole s—t!”   
  
Yamada paused to leer at him. It sounded all well and good and Shin _appeared_ sincere. “Yamada, I _promise_ you I didn’t. Promise. Hisakawa’s playing us against each other. C’mon, man, we’ve been here since we were kids, I wouldn’t let you go out like that for some petty amount of money.”   
  
…It broke Yamada’s heart. It broke it for in that moment, he couldn’t believe his friend of almost nine years. There were too many holes in both stories but a hole in the story of someone he’d known for nearly a decade ought to be smaller in scope to him than someone that tried to rape his own mother. Why? Yamada absently nodded when Shin kept pleading he was innocent. Sure. Yamada didn’t know what innocence was. 

When they got back to their side of town, Shin had completely shifted from aloof and passive to overly friendly and talkative. Yamada took the former role and insisted they’d talk again later, he had to go clean up. “Okay! I’ll see you later!” 

Ugh. When he got home, Dana flipped her lid. “Yama?! Oh my God, baby, what happened?!”   
  
Baby. He hadn’t heard that one before. She’d quickly rushed to get some things to clean the blood off his face and treat his minor wounds. His little spitfire looked enraged. “Who did this to you?! Who were you fighting?!” 

“…I dunno” he rasped. 

Dana kissed his forehead, whining about her poor ‘Yamachin’. He felt ill and he…he was glad she was there because he wasn’t sure what he would have done without her. Thus, when Dana told him on Sunday this was the last time they’d be able to spend time together, he honestly almost went ballistic. Why? What for? They had an entire month and a half before she married whoever that bastard was. Dana weakly told him what her mother said and he wanted to smack the bitch. Oh, so planning her daughter’s entire life wasn’t bad enough but her acting like a human being wanting to spend her last moments of freedom the way she wants was ‘immature’. F—k these people! 

_“…Just…if you have free time after school, come by the clinic and say ‘hey’?”  
  
_ Dana didn’t commit but she gave him a long kiss. Damn it. Just… _damn it_. 

So now, here Yagami Yamada stood, having found himself in a splintered distrustful relationship with his long-time friend and two weeks removed from someone he was… _something_ with, in front of a ravine. No, not because he was going to kill himself. Not yet because this? This had been the worst two weeks of his life now.   
  
Tep was there. So were Jum and Roller. And Shin. And…Craig. 

Izumi Craig had been a little quiet lately and Yamada had been a bit distracted to ask him what was wrong. Of course when _Yamada_ got quiet, Craig asked. He wasn’t used to…people caring. 

Yamada told the blond that his relationship with his girl was over and he was a little confused about another relationship. Craig told him to come on over and bring his friends, like last time. Yamada hadn’t felt like it but, well, he thought maybe a night out will help him. He told his friends, once again, no drugs. They agreed. And they’d been excited when they arrived and Craig took them to a strip club. Um? Did Kira _like_ that? Craig fell silent. Oh… 

Craig insisted they take this _beautiful_ car. It was _magnificent_ and Yamada was perked up ever so slightly seeing it. It was one of Craig’s cars he got because it wasn’t being made anymore or something **.** A **1970 Chevrolet Chevelle SS 454 LS6, Craig informed. Beautiful.  
  
And it was an okay night. They went and had some drinks on Craig at a titty bar. Then Yamada felt bad and bought his drinks, telling Craig that he’d already paid for him to go to America. Craig just smiled sadly. What…?   
  
So why now were they all standing before a ravine? Well, simply because on their way back a police officer stopped them. Craig assured that he usually got stopped because the police didn’t really like this car, they felt it wasn’t suitable for the streets. He’d just tell them after they searched the car it was a classic and he didn’t drive it often, as usual.   
  
Shin had gone pale and blurted, “ _But-I have a pack.”_ **

**Everyone froze.**

**A pack. A pack of cocaine. Craig’s face turned white as a sheet and his eyes widened to saucers. Yamada almost suffocated. Why? _Why_? **

**So, thinking fast as he was driving, he gunned it up the road.**

**Oh, a high speed chase! Terrific! And they were in a _bright red car_! This was perfect! Craig screamed that there was nothing they could do. If Shin threw the s—t out now, they’d find it. And even if they didn’t, why the hell did they _speed away_? Yamada _panicked._ He went down through some trees, the car surprisingly going over thicket it ought not be able to. Yamada _promised_ they’d get out of this and…and yea, next thing he knew, this magnificently beautiful car? Well, Yamada didn’t see this massive water source that they narrowly died in.   
  
They were all screaming, climbing out of the convertible as it started to sink. Making it to solid land, all five of them just watched as it…sank. Yamada wasn’t a praying man…but for that instance he prayed he got struck by lightning and died. **

**Silent, Craig watched as his rare car slipped away into the abyss. Because Yamada invited someone whom he’d told _not to carry drugs_ yet he was _carrying drugs_. God, he’d never wanted to cry this much in his life. This was…what? _Humiliation._ Here he’d had this decent human being try to be his friend and because he was an _idiot_ he almost either wrecked his entire life or did wreck his possessions. **

**Stammering, Yamada turned to Craig, “C-Craig, I-I am s-so sorry. I-I can’t—I don’t even know what to sa-say.”  
  
Craig said _nothing_. Literally it would have been ‘politicians son caught with cocaine’ or ‘haha, let’s throw my car into a river!’. Because Yamada _had to invite Shin._ The same Shin he was questioning if he _stole from him_ in the guise of a yakuza transaction. **

**Finally, Craig exhaled sharply, turning to walk way. “We better scatter so it seems less suspicious.”  
  
“O-Okay. Craig--”   
  
“Not…not right now, Yamada.”   
  
Yamada stopped following him as Craig walked back through the bushes without another word. Fucking _damn it_!! **

**Wheeling on his group of bastard _friends_ , Yamada wanted to tear each and every one of them a new one. “How many of you are carrying right now?”   
  
They recoiled and looked down, shamefaced. These fucking idiots. “How many?!”   
  
**

**“J-Just a joint, Yamada, honest!” Roller insisted.  
  
“M-Me too” Tep said sadly.   
  
Jum flustered and rubbed his arm, “M-Me too…”   
  
And fucking Shin had a whole damn _pack of cocaine_. Every. Single. One. Shin made a face while he tried not to explode. “Yamada, look, it’s just cok--” **

**“Just—you fucking-- _fuck_! Drugs are _illegal_!! If we got _busted,_ our asses are going to _jail_!! I would’ve _lost my scholarship_ and Craig is a fucking politician’s _son_!! I told your stupid asses not to bring drugs and you _blatantly_ ignored me!! You stupid— _idiots_!!”   
  
He was _attempting_ to pull it back together but he could feel everything from his ears ringing to his jaw about to tick out of his face. Tep quickly blurted, “We-We’re really sorry, Yamada. Please, calm down. It’ll be okay!”   
  
“Yea” Shin muttered, “He’ll probably buy another one, he’s rich.”   
  
This son of a bitch. “It doesn’t _matter_. That doesn’t _matter_ ” Yamada breathed, trembling, “He shouldn’t _have to_. He shouldn’t _have to_ because it was _already his_.”   
  
**

**They didn’t say a thing to that. Yea, fine, maybe Craig was rich. Maybe he did live in a mansion bigger than their apartments and houses combined but if Yamada threw a match at it and it went up in smoke, was he just supposed to say ‘oh, you can buy another one, you have money’? _No_. No, because it was _his house and he shouldn’t have to replace it_ because some _idiot_ that thought because he had money it should be fine. **

**And yes, he cried a tear because his friendships were in shambles, the person he cared for and wished for was going to be married next month, and here he’d wrecked it with someone he was growing close to. He was so _ashamed_. They could have acted like decent human beings. It wasn’t that _hard_. If someone asked you not to do something, _don’t do it_. **

**He shoved them away when they tried to calm him down but he’d had enough. He’d just…he’d just had enough.**

**…It was never meant to be good.**

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Yagami Popuri paced outside of the room where Koji was in the hospital, her heart racing. What…what was going on? They kept saying he was having very erratic brain patterns or something. Why? What…what had happened to him?**

**Keiji and Kaede were on their way, also alarmed. She…she hadn’t called to tell Rosa. Being in America and panicking would be quite awful, she imagined. Koji…Koji should be okay.**

**Biting her lip, she turned to the rest of the family shakily. “W-What’s going on, you think?”  
  
Since they arrived, they’d been grouped up and chatting amongst themselves. Popuri hadn’t really…noticed. However, when she got close, she noted…the conversation stopped. All of them, people she thought of as siblings and pseudo-parents, paused to look at her. Popuri stared back for a moment before swallowing. What…? **

**“Dana?”  
  
Yagami Yamada appeared, looking concerned. “What’s going on? Have we heard anything?” **

**“No…not yet” Nelly mumbled, staring at his feet.**

**Unlike the rest of them, Yamada had the power to just walk into the room. He disappeared for at least twenty minutes and Popuri found herself feeling…out of place. When she sat down a fair distance away, they’d continue speaking but if she got up to get closer, they’d…they’d just be quiet.**

**…She…she’d always felt like she belonged in their family. They…they always made newcomers feel the same way.**

**Why…for the first time, did she feel like she didn’t belong here?**

**Settling in the chair to cease interrupting their conversation, she kneaded her hands and looked up at the room. Maybe…maybe Koji was right. Maybe…they were hiding something.**

**Finally, after three hours, the door opened and the doctors that had been treating him emerged. “He’s awake. You can go see him now.”  
  
Popuri choked, rushing into the room ahead of the others in a panic. Koji was sitting up in bed while Yamada looked over his charts. He looked to her with his deep eyes and smiled. “Hey, baby.”   
  
“Oh, Kochi!” she sobbed, hugging him, “Are you okay?”   
  
He wrapped his arms around her waist, “Yea…? I…I don’t really…remember coming here, babe. What happened?”   
  
…What? “Y-You were just sitting in the other room, listening to music, and suddenly you started screaming and…” **

**Koji looked puzzled. Yamada was silently staring at the images of Koji’s brain before pursing his lips. “Mm.”  
  
“What’s wrong? Something kooky in there?” **

**“…Not really. A little erratic, perhaps, but you did have a seizure” he mused.**

**Koji scowled, “A seizure?”  
  
Everyone entered the room silently as Koji regarded them somewhat. Yamada turned to them and cleared his throat. “I’d say you’re good to go home, Koji. However, I want you to keep track if anything feels wrong. You’ve never been prone to seizures, at the very least.”   
  
“Yea, that’s true” Koji’s brows tweaked, standing, “…I don’t remember anything. I mean, I…do remember listening to music.”   
  
“I’m sure it doesn’t matter, Koji” Nelly grumbled, shuffling his feet, “Maybe you’re just stressed out about all this which is _why_ we’re telling you to calm down.”   
  
Koji glowered, “I’m not going to ‘calm down’ because you all tell me to.”   
  
Popuri grimaced, feeling another argument about to start. Alas… “You two stop” Yamada said surprisingly, “Koji, I know you’re going to be worked up to a million by tomorrow as usual but, for your health, please stay calm and relax at least for tonight, okay? Like the others said, you have some very abnormal readings and I don’t want you…fretting yourself into another one.”   
  
“Fine, fine…I’d prefer _not_ to be followed to go through with that mandate.”   
  
His mother and Nelly opened their mouths most likely to protest but, again, Yamada gave them a look. “ _Done_. Dana, we’re going to go home and so are the _rest of you_. Let your brother get some rest, please. Those are not only father orders but _doctor’s_ orders.” **

**Dana gave him a sulky expression, as did most of the kids… Popuri just silently stood as Koji held her hand. “Well, at least some good came out of this, yeesh.”  
  
Did it? Koji groaned loudly when Yamada advised he shouldn’t drive for a while, much to his chagrin. Popuri carefully eyed back to Dana, Nelly, Shin, Jill, Tony, and Shaun. They…they were still whispering amongst themselves. Popuri bit her lip and hugged her husband’s arm tightly. **

**…This…this didn’t feel good.**

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**_So it literally crossed Yagami Yamada’s mind to hang himself.  
  
Not that he ever thought of suicide as a joke but he’d never genuinely considered it up until this moment. On his lunch break at work that following Monday, he went to the bookstore to get a car book. He’d…he’d have to pull some strings but he’d have to replace that car for Craig. He’d never feel right again if he didn’t. _ **

**_And that’s when he found out._**

**_He…couldn’t even function after that, working in this utter fog of disbelief and woe. This couldn’t be happening. Why did the universe hate him so?  
  
And then, like the universe decided to be lenient to his suffering, he looked up when he heard footsteps in the clinic after hours and Kobayashi Dana appeared. _ **

**_“Yamachin? What’s wrong? You look awful!” she’d gasped, wearing her normal houndstooth skirt and black sweater._**

**_Yamada dropped everything, stripping off his lab coat, and hugged her tightly. “Dana…Dana, my God, I’m falling apart. Help.”  
  
She rubbed his back soothingly and took him to sit in a room where he lied his head in her lap. The pressure in his skull was going to violently kill him and he’d accept that. Well…maybe not at this exact second, he thought. He was certain he felt his blood pressure coming down… _ **

**_“What’s wrong?” Dana asked after a long couple of moments of blissful silence.  
  
Ugh. He told her that the fight had been with Shin. But…in his eyes, that wasn’t even the worst part. Dana looked incredulous. “What possibly could be?”   
  
“Dana, the car!” he choked, “T-The car, I want to replace it to make things right with Craig, it’s the only way I can make it right!”   
  
Dana frowned, “Okay…so what’s wrong?”   
  
Yamada bit his lip, trying not to cry because… “Dana…this car… _ ** **_this_** **_car is not just RARE. It’s like…”  
  
She looked surprised as he gripped his skull, sobbing, “Dana, they made TWENTY of these cars. Not thousands, not even hundreds, _ ** **_twenty_** **_. TWENTY. Dana, I WRECKED one of TWENTY cars.”  
  
Her eyes widened as he started to rock in agony. She…tried. “Sweetie, it…it can’t be that bad though. I mean…twenty isn’t a lot…”   
  
“Dana!” Yamada cried, “It’s like saying I only destroyed ONE of the Seven Wonders of the World! You don’t get a replacement wonder of the world, there’s SEVEN of them. Like there were TWENTY of these cars made and my stupid ass knocked it down to nineteen!”   
  
_ **

**_He crumbled into a ball as Dana pouted, rubbing his shoulders, “Yamachin, I don’t like seeing you like this. I’ll see if I can work it and find someone willing to sell one in the United States, okay?”  
  
NO. “Dana…you’re the business minded one. Think this through. If I have one of now nineteen cars, how much is that bastard worth?”   
  
“…Oh.”   
  
Yea, estimated, right now? About, oh, 320,000. And probably climbing as they spoke. Over an entire years salary for him. He crashed about, oh, 320 diamonds. And here his dumb ass had been trying to call and make things right with Craig. He didn’t answer. If he did pick up he hung up when he heard Yamada’s voice and he avoided him at school like the plague. This. This was why. Twenty. TWENTY. Oh, ha, there goes his blood pressure again. Dana held his hand, “Baby, I’m so certain Craig will speak to you again. Just give him time.”   
  
WHAT? “Dana, if I were in the PRECISE same place, I would have murdered me on the spot. MURDERED. This isn’t even about MONEY now, this is about ‘I had one of twenty of something in the universe’. Irreplaceable!”   
  
“Yamada, they make more of these things so if you’re feeling guilty down the line, get him another one. And Craig does have every right to be upset, especially since he could have had his whole future destroyed. And you too! I hope you let Shin know it was an awful thing he did!”   
  
Bowing his head, Yamada whispered, “I-I don’t know what to do now, Dana. I can’t keep people important to me close and then I have people I thought were irreplaceable trying to ruin my life. Everything’s in shambles…”   
  
She kissed him tenderly and he…he felt so much better. His calm… _ **

**_Unfortunately though, he knew she hadn’t come to see him. He absently squeezed her hand after he was relaxed enough to function normally again. “So what brings you by?”  
  
“What do you mean?” she frowned. _ **

**_He shrugged, “I know you didn’t come to see me. You saw me and got sidetracked but I wasn’t your mission. Are you not feeling well?”  
  
Dana looked surprised before smiling, “…I wasn’t but I feel better seeing and speaking to you. I guess I needed someone to talk to me too.”   
  
“You mean whine like a little kid” he grumbled, looking to her, “How have you been? Is…is everything going smoothly?”   
  
She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, shrugging, “…It really can’t be ‘smooth’. Just…going. I’ll have to live through it.”   
  
_ **

**_Yamada made a face and kissed her temple. “…I’m sorry I wasn’t born rich to save you.”  
  
“Don’t be silly” she murmured, resting her cheek against his side. _ **

**_Silly. Right. He wanted to walk her home as usual but she refused, shaking her head vividly. “No, too many guards are around right now for the Kamaishi family. I…I’m trapped.”  
  
He didn’t want to hear that at all. Swallowing, he pursed his lips and nodded as she gave him another kiss. Now, Yamada. NOW. “Dana, wait.” _ **

**_She stopped and looked back at him as he stood in the yard of the clinic, his hands dopily in his pockets while he kicked at the ground. He opened his mouth a few times before finding the words weren’t…there. The thought was, the feeling, just…speech was missing. Finally, he clenched his eyes shut. “Please drop by again.”  
  
“Haha, you’re so silly, Yamachin. I’ll see you again.”   
  
_ ** **Yea, f—king hilarious, Yamachin.**

**Yamada miserably walked up the steps of his apartment, carrying a bag of enough liquor to mess him up. He didn’t do that much anymore but he needed it tonight. Yea, he ought to be studying physics but, well, that s—t was easy anyway.**

**Slipping his key into his door, he sighed miserably. Nothing…nothing was going right anymore.**

**When he entered, Yamada stared as Izumi Craig was stretched out on the floor on his side, eating a bag of chips Yamada had bought earlier. His eyes were half-closed, munching. “…You really need a television or something.”  
  
_What_ ? Yamada was just gaping as Craig continued eating, “I hope you don’t mind me eating your chips.”   
  
“ _Dude, you can eat everything you want.”_ **

**Craig lifted a hand, sitting up, “I’ll stick with the chips, thanks…and whatever booze factory you’re about to run, I’ll take a drink.”  
  
Yamada nodded rapidly, quickly taking off his shoes and grabbing two glasses out of his cabinet. They…weren’t great glasses but he hadn’t really considered replacing their glassware yet. Returning to the living room, Yamada poured two cups of whisky shakily. What…what was going on? **

**Craig nodded when he offered the glass, taking a sip. Yamada…had to say it. “Craig, I-I am…I can’t even fathom what I can say to make it right. I’m…I’ve been crippled by-by _everything_.”   
  
“Yamada, I’m going to pretty damn frank with you: nothing can make _wrecking my car_ right and the fact that my entire… _life_ was about to fly out of the damn window in some shape or fashion. Wasn’t gravy, man.”   
  
…Yes. Yamada bowed his head but jumped when Craig pat him heartily on the back. “But hey, you’ve got nerves of steel, man. You’re fast thinking on your feet and as long as no one goes looking in that random ass ravine, we’re good. No one has even tracked me down and _that’s_ gravy.”   
  
_What_ ? “Craig, that car--” **

**“No, no, please…do not bring that up” Craig said flatly.**

**Yea. Craig leaned back on his palms, staring at the ceiling. “…So, Yamada, I wanted you to know that part of the reason I’ve been so off lately is I was offered a grant to go to the University of California in the U.S.”  
  
…OH. “O-Oh, well, s—t man, that’s amazing. Congratulations. You’re going, right?”   
  
Craig looked down, his chin pressed to his chest. “I have to ask myself if it’s something I can do…I mean, go to another country to study for the next three to four years. I know I can but is it worth it? Nothing’s wrong with Hondo.”   
  
“No…” Yamada drawled, drinking a bit, “But weighing your opportunities…is this a better option for your future?”   
  
He smiled some, hugging his knees, “Yea. One of the top ten schools in the U.S. for Political Science…having a scope on politics abroad also gives me an edge too.”   
  
“Then you should go. Anything worth maintaining here in Japan would be willing to wait for you. You can’t give up an opportunity to gain more knowledge.”   
  
Craig nodded, sighing deeply, “I think the same way, man, but Kira basically has already said if I go, we’re breaking up. I want to marry her though. I want us to be together.”   
  
“Well, you can’t really blame her. America is thousands of miles away and, like it or not, you might meet someone else. Or that’s probably her concern” Yamada murmured. **

**“It is because it’s my concern too” Craig whispered, setting his glass down to fold his hands, “…I can’t promise that. Neither of us can, but…”  
  
It sounded like bulls—t considering his own situation but for Craig it was logical. “If it’s meant to be, it will be, Craig. If you two can exist and move on without a hitch then something was lacking. Something should linger if it was a solid bond.”   
  
…Maybe that wasn’t bulls—t. **

**“Man, you’re so right” Craig gushed, “That makes me feel better. I just hope it isn’t one-sided but you’re right, if I get over there and start picking up chicks left and right without a care in the world she didn’t leave a feeling in me of preservation. We’ll cut it off now and see where the future leaves us.”  
  
“Kind of overwhelming, isn’t it?” Yamada smiled sadly. **

**“God, yes…”  
  
…While he knew Craig was probably pissed to the moon and back, that he was able to come over here and speak to Yamada just spoke volumes to him what kind of person he was. So…one more decent rich person he met that had to make an exit from his life. **

**Craig held out his glass to him when Yamada offered more, “Yamada…I mean, I just met your mom…I dunno, twenty minutes ago and I’ve…never met a human being such as that.”**

**Jesus. “Did she try to sleep with you?”  
  
He laughed, amused, “No, no! Not like _that_ man, crap. You always come up with the wildest things to say.”   
  
“Haha, yea…” He was _almost_ certain Shin had slept with his mother on one occasion at her bidding. **

**“But no, what I mean to say is she’s kind of…I dunno, like…well…”  
  
If it wasn’t that she was trying to jump his bone, Yamada gathered it was her other problem: her attitude. “She doesn’t seem like a mother. Smokes, drinks, probably just let you in here and left you here. She’s more like my flatmate.”   
  
Craig grimaced, rubbing his skull, “Well, I didn’t want to put it like that but…yea.”   
  
Yamada shrugged, “She’s my mom. She did manage to birth and raise me to this point so for everything I might fault her for, she didn’t have to do this much so I’m thankful for that.”   
  
“Such a humble guy” Craig droned, sitting up straight, “I’m beating around the bush regardless because it’s nothing really to do with your mom but that I’m going to come off like a real stick in the mud, like a dad.” **

**Oh… “I have a good feeling what you’re going to tell me anyway because my pseudo-dad has already told me.”  
  
“Positive reinforcement isn’t a bad thing. Shin? Bad news.” **

**Yamada groaned, rolling his neck, as Craig scowled. “Tep? Jum? Roller? They actually came by my place to apologize, said they were carrying joints and that you had explicitly asked them not to but ‘Shin’ said ‘who the f—k cares? He won’t know’. And you know what? I really wouldn’t have cared about a joint, we could’ve talked them into thinking those were hand rolled cigarettes. Would I preferred them _not_ to have them? Yea, but they were at least seemingly sincerely apologetic and I can appreciate that.”   
  
Oh. Taking a deep breath, Yamada bowed his head. “…It’s…it’s too difficult to just cut him loose, Craig. I should be the one that’s getting him straight--” **

**“Why?” Craig demanded, “You’re not his _father_.”   
  
“His father asked me on his deathbed to! He begged me to keep his son out of trouble and I’ve been doing a pretty s—t job at it but I just won’t give up on him!”   
  
Craig frowned thoughtfully, swirling his glass, “…I’d never tell you to turn your back on a friend, Yamada. I’ve known plenty of people I care about go through a tough time and I never said to them personally ‘change or you’re no longer in my life’. Most of them got past it, worked their way through, but Yamada…they wanted to. They _wanted_ to. Has Shin ever _wanted_ to?”   
  
“He…he doesn’t know any better” Yamada rasped. **

**Crossing his legs, Craig tapped his temple as if he were trying to phrase something. It wasn’t anything anyone else had never said so Yamada was ready for more ‘he’s dragging you down’ rhetoric.**

**“…Let’s say you had twins, Yamada. You know, hypothetically. Twin sons. Same age, same birthday, same life. Shin and yourself, you’ve…you’ve had similar lives, correct?”  
  
…Pretty much. “Yea?”   
  
“And let’s say you were an alcoholic. Couldn’t drop the bottle if they paid you to. What happens to your sons?” Craig questioned. **

**“I…I dunno? I guess they’d be traumatized by their alcoholic father and not want to drink. That’s what makes sense.”  
  
“To you.”   
  
Yamada’s eyes widened as Craig gave him a hard look. “Kira’s brother is an alcoholic because her dad was alcoholic. He watched his father and he saw what he needed to take from him: the negative. You would see the father and take the negative too but in a way that keeps you from repeating it. Neither of you are ‘wrong’, Yamada, and I get you. You don’t want Shin to repeat the sins of his father. Fact of the matter is you can’t be his father and you can’t be solely responsible for keeping him on the moral high ground. But you know that. You know how many times you’ve tried. Where has it gotten you?”   
  
…Utterly nowhere. **

**Yamada dropped his head, staring into the bottom of his glass. Utterly _nowhere_. “…We’re young though. I mean, haven’t even hit twenty yet. There’s room to grow.”   
  
Craig’s brows rose, “That’s very much true. Time can cure a lot of problems.”   
  
But…even that made Yamada question…would Shin make it that long? Would he make it in this defiant mode? No respect for even the corrupt authority he ran with? He didn’t even respect his own late father owning his own business, about as free as a worker could get in running their affairs and making money legally. He…he didn’t respect Yamada at all. **

**  
“What is respect?” Yamada murmured. **

**  
“Dunno myself” Craig admitted, “I’m thinking it doesn’t include landing everyone around you in jail with a dandy ‘f—k you’ though.”   
  
He couldn’t help smirk. “Guess not.”   
  
… “Can I tell you something, Craig?”   
  
“Sure thing.”   
  
“The…the girl I said I had to break up with? Um, you probably know her. We’ve actually talked about her before” Yamada mumbled.   
  
“Eh?” Craig echoed, “We have?”   
  
Nodding, Yamada twiddled his fingers, “Her…she’s Kobayashi Dana.”   
  
Craig stared at him for a long quiet uncomfortable amount of minutes. Yamada smiled awkwardly, “No…no good?”   
  
“You are the craziest person I have _ever_ met, Yagami” Craig said incredulously, “I thought the _Shin_ thing was bad and you bring me a stick of dynamite with Kobayashi Dana?!”   
  
“She’s _not_ a stick of dynamite.”   
  
“She’s not but her _fiance’s family_ sure as hell is!”   
  
He glowered, pouring himself another cup, “…I’m not afraid of her stupid fiancé. I’ve never met the bastard but the way she talks about him, I’ll punch him into the ground if I have to.”   
  
“What the f—are you nuts or something? Loony? Do you know who that bastard’s family _is_? If Shin’s dealing cocaine then you _have_ to know.”   
  
…What? Yamada looked up, bewildered. “…What…whaddya mean?”   
  
Craig sighed deeply, “Jeez, so you _don’t_ know. The Kamaishi fronts themselves as a corporation. A pharmaceutical company that does actually sell drugs to major distributors. It’s decent money in that but the real money? It’s in their yakuza ties where they get smalltimers like your buddy to deal illegal drugs. I’ve heard they have a different name in doing so. What was it…”   
  
**

**Yamada looked at him, his throat going dry. “… _Kamaji.”  
  
_ “That’s it” Craig snapped his fingers, “So you know you’re messing around in murky waters, man, they can have you _killed_.”   
  
What the shit?! “I don—I don’t _care_ what happens to my ass, Craig! Dana is marrying into a f—king _yakuza_ family, is that what you’re telling me?! Do you think she knows?!”   
  
“I’d be surprised if she didn’t.”   
  
Standing, having to pace, Yamada slapped his leg in panic. A _yakuza_? Not only do they choose her husband and force her to marry at the tender age of sixteen, it was to a _yakuza_? Why?! Why was she even going _along_ with this?! What did she owe them?! **

**“…Yamada, I get from just watching you right now that you care about her. And believe me, you are a million leagues better than that putz but this is…this isn’t simple matters. Dana is from an old family and an old family has very extreme laws. There’s really no getting her out of this.”  
  
“I’ll get her out” Yamada hissed. She…she didn’t deserve this.   
  
Craig appeared blank for a while before standing, patting Yamada on the shoulder. “I’m going to Berkeley, Yagami. I hear the Americans have a holiday for everything so whenever I can, I’ll be back. I’m really not leaving right now either, not until August but if you need some strings pulled, I’ll see what I can do. Just…nothing too out there like killing people.”   
  
**

**“Thanks, man, and…and I know it won’t mean much but you’re kind of a topnotch guy, Craig. I’m…pretty sure if I were in your shoes in this whole predicament I would be killing people.”  
  
**

**He snickered, shrugging some, “All I will say of my car is its probably irreplaceable. So was my life and future but your quick wits saved that. Good people are in small supply. Even your dope trio, they have gumption. I think they’ll be okay. But there’ll be other cars for me to _not_ let you drive, ya’ nutcase. Not worth the friendship.”   
  
Yamada…literally crashed this guy that he just met four months ago car. A car that they only produced _twenty_ of. He came back because it ‘wasn’t worth the friendship’ to hold it against Yamada. **

**Shin stole money from him. He probably said ‘fuck that’ then too, took out a thousand pieces knowing that, in a legitimate drug selling relationship, Yamada could be _killed_. Said ‘fuck it’ too when Yamada explicitly asked him not to bring drugs. **

**…There…really were two sorts of people in the world.**

**XXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**End Notes:**

**To be honest, I had always meant for Craig and Yamada to be more buddies from about…Yuki forward but when I got back to Steps it’s like they’re just work acquaintances. For that edit, I suppose.**

**AC/DC performed “Let There Be Rock”…and let me tell you, this was the point where I was like, this period piece stuff is for the birds. I pulled up the band’s play list for this tour year and everything and it was great. _Except_ when I previously wrote it, the whole band was intact. For the year to be right, the lead singer Bon Scott would have to be dead. I was like ‘wtf, man’. It’s been a rough journey. **

**So another weirdness, apparently the drinking age used to vary by state in the United States? Like, who could keep up with that? That’s nuts.  
  
Dana is singing “Bad Company” by…Bad Company. Because our generation is the uncreative ones. Still a rocking jam though. **

**1970 Chevrolet Chevelle SS 454 LS6. I cannot verify all the information given about their only being twenty made, I found it in an article…however, today, this car’s _replica_ can go for between $88-150k. Not even the _real_ one. If a real one is found, possibly as many as 75 in existence but, again, they have been replicated, it’s between $88-275k. Oops. **


	8. Dawn

**Chapter 8:** Dawn 

**Disclaimer:** General warnings. Potential triggers and sexual content, I’m sure. Proceed with caution.   
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_“Mom, can I look through that old s—t from your grandparents?”  
  
Yagami Yamada had to face his first school challenge: a paper. A paper on the sort of science he was interested in. Medical, of course, but he needed some references. He guessed the catalyst for this path, ol’ Grandpa Bishamon, would be the way to go. _

_Yagami Atsuko was putting on makeup, a rarity but something she’d started doing since seeing Dr. Souma. As Yamada expected, she had plenty of guys on the side and that pissed him off but he had to give her credit, she seemed to genuinely like the doctor. Enough so that those guys were dwindling down to a meager two at least. She pressed two dresses to the front of her, one red and one blue, blinking. “I’m going to one of those ‘fundraiser’ s—ts with Souma. Which color?”  
  
“Blue. Can I look through the stuff?”   
  
“Have I ever stopped you before, ya’ little punk?” Atsuko snorted, tossing the red aside, “Take the s—t, I don’t have a need for it.”   
  
“Thanks.”   
  
She went to the bathroom while he went into the tiny storage to pull it down. “What happened to your beautiful princess? She finally realize what she was banging around with?”   
  
Yamada was prepared to ignore the remark but it hit him somewhere in his chest. “…Yea, guess she did.”   
  
“Aww” she cooed. He was unsure if it was mocking or not as she came out, putting on earrings. “Thinks she’s too good for my little bastard? F—k a rich kid.”   
  
…Perhaps. She gave him a look as she grabbed an old brush, “Oi, is that why you’ve been such a little bitch lately? Go get laid.”   
  
Yamada rolled his eyes and thanked kami or whoever when there was a knock at the door. His mother skipped over to answer, greeting Souma who was wearing his casual suit. “Hey, ready to go? Hey, Yamada.”   
  
“Hey, Dr. Souma…you kids be safe.”   
  
Souma frowned as Yamada pulled out the box, covered in a thin layer of dust. “…It is a Saturday, Yamada. Are you really staying in?”   
  
Great, even his manager slash pseudo-dad was concerned about his social life. “Eh, I have homework to work on. I’ll probably go out later.”   
  
To give his hard earned money away for an unthankful bastard. Souma nodded some before his mother took his arm, “Oh, don’t worry about him. He’s just got the blues about being dumped.”   
  
Dumped. Sounded about right. Thankfully she took him away before he questioned. Dr. Souma was his and Dana’s biggest supporter, after all. Too bad. _

_Yamada figured that Dana accepted this bulls—t because she wanted to. Yes, perhaps she felt forced and perhaps she even felt she owed it to her parents but…she could escape. She was a damn genius with that clothes stuff. Kari was even telling him she was still selling through Harumi’s boyfriend. She could be doing well on her own._

_…And, truth of the matter was she wouldn’t have to be on her own. Maybe they’d grow past each other but…for as long as she needed him, he’d be there. He’d told her that. She…she must have thought it wasn’t worth the trouble._

_Yamada frowned when he heard something rolling around the bottom of the box. He remembered he’d always investigate what it was looking in the box, discover the source and then promptly forget. He started to complete the cycle, taking out the miscellaneous pictures and whatnot._

_Oh. His grandmother’s ring._

_He’d heard that it was supposed to be for him, which seemed unlikely. There had to have been other males in the line that got married, after all, so he found it more likely his mother took it. He turned the small band of gold in his hands, a small diamond but a legit one all the same settled in the seat. It wasn’t the most impressive thing, he realized, but…it was simple._

_…He…he guessed he would have liked to use it one day._

_Yamada swallowed, breaking the chain this time and putting it in his pocket. For…for a rainy day, he supposed. There’d be other girls after Dana, others that he may feel as safe and calm with as he did her. Someone that understood that part of him others deemed ridiculous. Someone that…even when they didn’t understand him tried to._

_Yea. Maybe._

And it was that night that changed his mind. 

When Shin came by so they could make their bi-weekly trip to see Hisakawa, Yamada would have never suspected the visit would change pretty much everything. Shin didn’t say anything the entire trip, having returned to aloof and cold mode with him. Yamada wasn’t sure he cared much anymore. 

When they went up the steps of the same old apartment and knocked, giving the password, surprisingly Hisakawa was off the couch and dressed. Weird considering he’d usually just lie there lazily as they paid him. He looked a little tense as he buttoned his sleeves. “…I’ve been summoned.”   
  
“Summoned?” Shin questioned.   
  
“By the leader. I have to go see him.”   
  
Oh s—t. Shin looked instantly nervous and Hisakawa pursed his lips. “I’ll collect payment later. Tonight I have to schmooze.”   
  
“O-Okay!” Shin blurted, turning to leave. 

Yamada rolled his eyes, wondering why the idiot got nervous about doing wrong but continued to do wrong _amidst_ wrong. Prepared to leave himself, Hisakawa cleared his throat. “Not…not unless you two don’t mind going with me.”   
  
Um. “Why would we do that…?” Yamada questioned, raising a brow. 

“Just so he can meet you. I mean, Yamada, you don’t have to go but I’m sure Shin would benefit from getting to know some of the higher-ups.”   
  
Shin looked pale, “I-I…guess that’s true.”   
  
Ugh. “…If Shin goes, I’ll go” he muttered, annoyed. 

Yamada wanted to get home because he was struggling with this whole ‘writing’ thing. He’d probably have to take it to be proofread by someone at the library because he was sure he was rambling but, well, had to go meet some mob leaders. He took a small grain of pleasure that Shin looked happy he was coming. Maybe because he wasn’t completely worthless to him. Or expendable. Or whatever awful spin he could think of because Shin didn’t care what happened to him. 

While he was entirely against letting whoever it was that always was with Hisakawa as his doorman drive, he didn’t have much choice, sitting in the back seat with Shin as they made their way up to outer North Wasaba. While North Wasaba was the best part of Wasaba, when going on the outskirts it got a little iffy before entering into Subami. It was like a clash of wealth and poverty that didn’t combine very well. Oh. Shin’s father’s restaurant. 

Shin numbly stared at the building which now looked like a penthouse, painted white with multiple floors and clear windows. It even had some lights waving around from the top. Looked like an upscale club. Shin’s father died here. 

Yamada followed them in, scowling as the bouncers at the front patted him down. Yea, he wished he was carrying heat, not faltering as the guard gave him a disgusted expression. Bastards. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea. 

“Hisakawa, welcome.” 

They were greeted by a young looking guy, whoever he was. With dark black hair and black eyes, he had to have only been about 21, 22. He was sitting on a couch, guards all around him. Oh. The ‘leader’.   
  
“Hello, Kamaji-dono” Hisakawa greeted, bowing lowly. 

Shin almost bent in half he bowed so deeply. Yamada gave a half-assed version, not sure why they were bowing to scum. The bastard wasn’t even that much older than them, damn it. 

“Thank you for having us, sir. These are two of my guys: Hamasaki Shin and Yagami Yamada.”   
  
‘Kamaji-dono’ blinked languidly at him, an expression Yamada was used to from pretty much everyone he’d met since the day he was coherent enough to discern dismay. “I’ve heard about Hamasaki Shin but…not this one.”   
  
This one. “Yagami’s more like a contractor or investor than a seller, Kamaji-dono. He feeds us business.”   
  
“Oh, so he’s a buyer” Domo drawled. 

What? Yamada was almost ready to demand how he got that out of what Hisakawa said…but then, he was more of an ‘investor’ than a ‘seller’? ‘Feeds us business’. Sure, that did sound like a good way to say he was a buyer of drugs. Better not refute it though, his role was entirely more complicated than that. 

A young waitress suddenly rushed up, holding a tray of drinks which she shakily set on the table. Yamada wasn’t paying her much attention…until ‘Kamaji-dono’ grabbed her by her hair. 

The young woman choked a stilted cry as he pulled her roughly down to his level, his expression never changing. “Is there a particular reason it took you so long to bring back our beverages?”   
  
“N-No, sir. I-I apologize, we-we just wished to get you a cold drink from the cellar--” she whispered. 

“Did I want a cold drink from the cellar?” he demanded icily, tugging harder, “Isn’t it funny how the bitches here _never_ seem to be able to follow directions?”   
  
His lackeys echoed agreement. Hisakawa just watched like a stone, Shin as well. The girl yelped in horror as he slammed her cheek hard down onto the table before jerking her neck back hard, grabbing one of the drinks. “Here, choke this cold drink down for me and try again.”   
  
No way in Hell. He was about to pour it into her mouth but Yamada snatched the glass from his hand. 

He heard even the level blooded Hisakawa inhale sharply and the room fall silent. Yamada didn’t care. “I think that’s _enough_. If you don’t want a f—king cold drink maybe you just need to let it warm up a little. The only bitch I see is the one being a punkass about a cold f—king drink.”   
  
“ _Yamada”_ Shin breathed lifelessly. 

Sure enough, all of the son of a bitch’s guards moved to point guns at him. Fine, _shoot him_. At least he wouldn’t go out the bitch that watched him try to choke a woman. Glaring sharply into ‘Kamaji’s’ face, unyielding, the bastard stared back before chuckling. He held up a hand, the one he was using to assault the girl, and gestured for his men to stand down. His leader seemed appalled. “But sir--” 

“No, no. I like the strong-spirited ones” he smiled, “There’s no fun in breaking you weaklings.”   
  
Breaking? Yamada’s nostrils flared, taking the liquor down in a swallow, “You ought to let them shoot me if you even begin to think I’ll let someone like you ‘break’ me.”   
  
“A challenge? I like that. Please, sit.”   
  
Hisakawa and Shin weakly sat as Yamada sat directly across from him. The waitress quickly scurried off to probably rectify her ‘mistake’. ‘Kamaji’ tapped his cheek in what may have been described as a ‘thoughtful’ manner. “You’re a…half-breed, I take it? Probably some German or American involved themselves with one of our increasingly nonsensical women.”   
  
Yamada snorted loudly. “We would have had to start a lot earlier in the day if you wanted to come up with some ‘hafu’ offense I’ve never heard. Whaddya have, hmm? ‘Mud blood’? My mom’s the ‘slut of Babylon, couldn’t keep her legs closed for a white man’? My brain’s so small all I’m good for is ‘looking pretty’ or being someone’s stud? I am the _sole_ disgrace of a culture with a bunch of nationalistic _bullshit_? Sorry my dick is _probably_ bigger than yours. Just kind of worked out that way.”   
  
“Fair enough” Kamaji replied, taking one of the other drinks from the tray while his men appeared ready to shoot him on principle alone. “Can’t fault me for trying the easy route first. It’s best to find the strongest parts to get to the weak.”   
  
“Find my weakness then.”   
  
He blinked when with some rather impressively short gesture, ‘Kamaji’ was able to direct one of his men to put a gun to the back of Shin’s head. Naturally the guy almost s—t himself and choked, “ _Yamada, stop_.”   
  
‘Kamaji’ suddenly laughed, “Jesus, you smiled there for a second. You’re really a twisted bastard, I got the impression this was a friend of yours.”   
  
What? “I did not” Yamada scowled. Not…to his perception though. 

“Oh, you did” the bastard chuckled, “So I blow your so-called ‘friend’ away, do you smile then?”   
  
Yamada’s eyes narrowed as the gun was cocked and he realized this wasn’t a ‘game’. Fuck. “Shin is one of your top sellers. He consistently sells through his product and gives you his money upfront. You don’t shoot off a toe to spite the toenail.”   
  
“Oh, you have me there too” Kamaji sighed gravely, waving off the guard, “Hisakawa brings me his numbers and they’re always good. A little _too_ good, I’d say.”   
  
Eh? Shin was almost transparent now with that remark and having been threatened with a gunshot to the head, “I-I’m only doing this for the group, sir. I-I can only do my best.”   
  
“Mm hmm…” Kamaji said with mocking indifference, “Just, you know, things happen. You might spend a coin here or there for something silly. A good takoyaki or a cheap beer. A nice blanket. Yet, none of these differences ever show up in _your_ account. Many of Hisakawa’s other salesmen, they account for these things but yours is always _right to the dollar_. It’s rather incredible.”   
  
…Oh s—t. 

The f—ker was right, even stores had a discrepancy every now and again. What the hell did Shin look like coming with completely balanced out numbers?! Hisakawa cleared his throat, “Shin’s family had inherited a bit of money from his father’s death. He can take care of small matters with that money and put your money where it belongs. ‘Small things’, even a ‘good takoyaki’, can easily turn into big things and I don’t believe it’s something to be rewarded.”   
  
“Oh ho, believe me, Hisakawa, I’ve had _many_ examples of those. Every clan has. Why, interesting story: my father had one of the owners of this place shot because he was stealing from us. He was supposed to give us a proper cut of the business and, well, he wasn’t always very straightforward with his transactions. You pretend a shootout happens and you easily take care of your flaws.”   
  
Yamada stared at him before looking to Shin. This bastard’s family had his father _killed_. It wasn’t even an _accident_ now, it was planned! Hamasaki-san was practically _assassinated_! Shin just looked kind of…blank. Maybe he was digesting it but, after a moment, he shrugged. The son of a bitch _shrugged_.   
  
“I sense some tension there, Yagami. Is there something the matter that you wish to share?” Kamaji said airily.   
  
“…That man you’re speaking of is his— _was_ his father” Yamada hissed.   
  
“Oh, small world. Hamasaki…yes, that’s it. That was him. Father was rather fond of him when he wasn’t stealing” Kamaji mused before smiling darkly at Shin, “Now what? Revenge? Destroy my gang in a fiery rage for killing your daddy?”   
  
Kamaji’s guards snickered like any of this was a joke. That was his _fucking father_. Shin shook his head, “…He shouldn’t have been stealing from your family, Kamaji-dono. I apologize for his indiscretions.”   
  
Kill him. Legitimately shoot him in the head right now, Yamada was about to go postal. Kamaji smiled at him. This was just amusing the shit out of him. “Have a bit of a temper, don’t you, Yagami? What about him not caring that his father was a thief that deserved his death upsets you? Your own daddy issues?”   
  
_Everything_ . Everything about it ‘upset’ him. Shin was a damn thief too and here he was pretending he wasn’t and decrying his damn father who was worried he would go down the same fucking path and—he was his _father_! “I haven’t met my father a day in my life, Kamaji, and if you told me that same story with that same circumstance I’d light you and this tacky ass club on fire.”   
  
“Punish me for the acts of my father?” Kamaji teased, “That’s not very godly.”   
  
“We’re in a fucking club built from cocaine and _death_ , motherfucker, God went out the window before you could lay a brick” Yamada snapped. 

That’s it, he had to go. The last thing he wanted was to be seen in a newspaper headline saying he died because he tried to punch in the ‘pharmaceutical’ son’s face and got mowed down by his whipped cronies. Sickened beyond belief, he stood and pulled out a small wad of cash, throwing down enough for what he suspected the drink cost. 

Kamaji’s dark eyes stared at the money piercingly. “…You think I want your money, hafu?”   
  
“My money a different color than yours, motherfucker?” 

“You think I need your thirty crumpled bills?”   
  
“Nah, just don’t want you showing up at my doorstep to gun me down with this ‘thief’ bullshit. I pay my dues” Yamada remarked shortly. 

“Do you think I need a reason to show up at your door?” Kamaji uttered. 

Yamada tipped his head, stuffing his hands into his pockets. He thought about it. He did. But it was just…there and he was in a traumatically bad mood now. “Have you ever walked into Wasaba?”   
  
“What?”   
  
“Have you ever even walked into Wasaba?”   
  
He stared before his brows creased, “Why…the hell would I walk into that s—tpit?”   
  
Yamada shrugged his shoulders, starting for the door, “Dunno. You’re saying you’d come and kill me but you won’t even walk into your own goldmine. Was just wondering.”   
  
He was asking for death and he knew it, he just…wasn’t really in the mood for life right now. Maybe he wouldn’t have minded having it end right there. One of the guards leaned over, hissing loudly, “You do not deserve this s—t blood’s disrespect, Domo. At least let us teach him a lesson.”   
  
Yamada froze. 

…Domo? 

Slowly looking over his shoulder, Yamada felt his stomach drop like a ton of bricks. This… 

This…was Dana’s fiancé? _This thing_ was who she was going to _marry_? This _murdering abusive bastard_? This was what Dana would spend her life with? 

_No_ . 

Prepared to fight himself out of there before they thought to kill him now, ‘Domo’ shook his head. “Did I ask for you to deal with my toys? I think we’ll meet again, Yagami. And when we do, I think we’ll settle this. Every man has his weakness.”   
  
Yea. He was supposedly going to marry her. Over Yamada’s dead body. Balling his fists so tight his fingernails drew blood from his palm, Yamada darted off into the night. There…there was no way. 

There was no way he’d let this happen. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_Tap, tap, tap._

_Kobayashi Dana slowly opened her eyes, squinting into the dark night. When had she gone to bed? She was so tired lately, she wasn’t sure when she had even gone to sleep…_

_Sitting up, Dana rubbed her brow and looked at her silver clock. Two a.m…. okay. Perhaps it was rain or something._

_Tap, tap, tap._

_Very…methodical rain. Dana grabbed her robe, wandering around her room until she could find where the sound was the loudest. Near the door. She glanced back at the door to the house before cautiously sliding it open._

_Yamada._

_Her heart raced, shocked to find him sitting on the small porch with his knees curled to his chest. What…? “Y-Yamada” she rasped, “W-What are you doing here?”  
  
“I need to speak with you.”   
  
“I-I can’t--” _

_“Please?” he whispered, not looking at her directly._

_Dana was terrified. Guards were walking around at all times now since brides had a tendency to ‘run off’ this close to the wedding. She wondered why. “Yamada, there are guards--”  
  
“They’re having a smoke break in the garden—never mind. I’ll just tell you here. I met your fiancé. I met Kamaishi Domo.”   
  
WHAT? Dana gawked, “W-What? Where?”   
  
“At some sort of…meeting with drug dealers at a club in North Wasaba—Dana, he’s a yakuza leader. I watched him almost nearly beat a girl up tonight for bringing him a cold drink. He’s from a family of murderers—his father was responsible for killing Shin’s dad. Dana, you can’t marry this person.”   
  
She felt his struggle not to exclaim, to cry out to her the madness she’d already been made aware of. Yes, she’d be the wife of a yakuza leader, something so maddeningly against her being it was suffocating. Her parents said that part of his life wasn’t her business so she needn’t worry. _

_Needn’t worry? The human being was bad enough, verbally and physically abusive. She had seen him beat someone up over something trivial, for stepping on the edge of his shoe when pouring tea. Her parents just allowed one of their servants to be beaten for nothing. It was always women. And she was to be his property. So not only an awful person, an awful person that dealt in drugs and murder. Her husband._

_“I…I don’t want to, Yama. I don’t. But what else am I supposed to do? Where can I go otherwise? I--”  
  
“Dana, will you take me seriously?” Yamada said, facing and staring her firmly in the face, “Yes, I get it: I’m the poorest person you can even imagine at times but I-I am driven. I’ll make it and I-I’ll get us a big fancy house like this. I’ll make sure you have the nice things—that you have a Yagada store to sell to your heart’s desire. It won’t be easy but I’m asking you…please, don’t…don’t marry him. Be with me and…and I promise things will be okay.”   
  
She gazed at him in all his sincerity and trembled. “…What about you, Yamada?”   
  
“What about me? You’ve been here with me all along. You’re the only reason I’m in school right now and working successfully. You’re the only reason I’m not still slaving away at three nowhere jobs and making something of myself. You’ve helped me start my way, Dana, let me do the same” he pleaded. _

_Her family would never stop chasing him. As soon as they found out who she was married to they’d shame him, they’d fight to take every single opportunity away from the person she decided to be with. Yamada would go through hell because of her and he couldn’t completely understand that the way she did. He’d met her fiancé, he knew that he was volatile already. His family was responsible for one of Yamada’s friend’s father’s death. They were capable of so much and who knew how they’d take their ‘property’ being stolen? She…_

_She wouldn’t let them do that to him. Not him. Not her Yamachin. Choking on tears because the simple fact was she would run off with him a million times over if she could, Dana shook her head. “W-We can’t. I’m sorry.”  
  
Yamada ought to be mad. For all she was saying, she might as well be telling him ‘that guy? That one that almost beat a woman in front of you and probably said awful things to you? The one that deals drugs and whose father killed Shin’s dad? I’d rather marry him than you’. It was so far from the truth she almost died even thinking he’d think that. He should be livid. _

_Alas, he appeared calm and not even slightly angry. “You’re afraid and I don’t blame you. No matter your hang up, I’m ready for whatever they want to throw at me and whatever you want to throw at me. I…”  
  
Dana trembled as he blushed before shaking his head, looking up and into her eyes. “I’ve…I’ve made my case and I’ll wait for you. I’ll wait. There’s no reason for me to keep coming and pleading because you know my heart. I’ve made it clear and…and I’ll wait. I love you, Dana.”   
  
Leaning in, he kissed her so sweetly before disappearing into the shadows. She gazed after him, her entire body, her blood, racing. Dana could barely breathe, rasping ‘I love you too’. She never thought he’d say that and she…she should have said it too. She should have told him. _

_Because she loved him, that’s…that’s why he’d continue to wait until he realized she couldn’t. She just…couldn’t…_

“I swear, such an immature child!”   
  
Dana stared at her now mostly empty room from her bed, having felt ill for the last week. Sunday she didn’t even leave her room. Monday, she started packing her ‘childish’ clothing. Her mother said throw them away but Dana took them to Kari and Mina. They would probably find it drab because Dana most certainly did. However, when she met up with them, having to be driven to meet them at a little restaurant instead of Wasaba, the girls said they’d keep it for her. They…they must’ve thought she’d still escape. She asked them softly to especially take care of the turquoise. 

Tuesday, Dana was met with a legitimate surprise. Harumi and Zann came by her house and, just like she called, the couple had decided to elope. “You can’t come, Dana?” Harumi had pouted, “I want you to be there.”   
  
“I’d…I’d love to, Harumi, but…I’m kind of stuck here” Dana smiled weakly. 

Harumi hugged her tightly, saying she’d send a post card once they found out where they wanted to settle. It was all so dreadfully cliché and romantic. Dana would trade places in a heartbeat. 

By Wednesday, her friends gone, the love of her short life gone, and everything in her room replaced with nothingness right down to the manga she’d been collecting with Yamada, she became bedridden again. Nothing would stay down and she spent at least half the day sobbing with woe. 

This…this wasn’t what she wanted. 

Thursday was like Wednesday and her mother made an appearance to chastise her for being sick and heartbroken. How could this be a family of matriarchs when Dana was still being controlled? She…she wasn’t in charge with anyone at the head, not of her own _life_. She looked at her mother weakly as their ‘family doctor’, not Dr. Souma, entered with that bland expression as if everything is a bore. Great. 

“I would be very rude to give Kamaishi-dono a woman so weak of spirit and frankly probably unable to handle the responsibilities of a household. I brought the doctor to make sure you aren’t sick.”   
  
She wished she was. She had suspected she was and that was the true nature of her visit to the Bryant Clinic the other day, to see if she had a sour stomach or the likes since everything she ate was met with nausea. Alas, instead she…she saw Yamada… 

_‘I’ll wait. I love you, Dana.’_

No. No, no, no. Her mother glared as she started to sob again. “For goodness’ sake! Run your tests and be careful around her womanly parts. Something needs to be good about her.”   
  
Dana still was shaking with weeping but her eyes narrowed at her mother as she huffily left. That’s what you think, bitch. If she were ever to be a mother she’d never treat her children this way. Never. But…not with Domo. No, she’d ask them to sterilize her before she had them with that monster. 

The uncomfortable assessment lasted about thirty minutes and the doctor kept…looking at her. He ran his stethoscope over her stomach, pause, then stare at her. He examined her ‘womanly parts’ far too thoroughly and she wanted to kick him. What was so interesting? Pervert. 

He finally stood and looked at her piercingly. What? “Have you put on weight?”   
  
“What? Just…just a little bit, nothing severe.”   
  
“Mm.”   
  
Walking out without much more, Dana wanted to sleep. This was the worst week of her life and it was going to easily become a horrible existence. She just…didn’t want to. 

“She’s _what_?!”   
  
Dana jolted, stunned, at her mother’s bellow. What? Who was what? Looking up when her door was violently thrown open, Dana choked when her mother burst in and struck her _hard_ across the face. “You promiscuous _slut_!! Are you trying to _ruin me_?!”   
  
“W-What are you talking about?!” she exclaimed, holding her throbbing cheek. 

All she could do was cower as her mother practically punched her in the head, screaming unintelligible things at her. Dana pleaded for her to stop, confused. What? What did that jerk tell her?! Was he able to tell she was ‘used goods’? Story of her life. 

Her mother stopped, exhausted yet quivering with rage. Dana held her battered head and wished someone would explain. Yes, she had sex. What of it? He wouldn’t know any different so why raise all this ruckus? 

“Well,” the doctor interjected indifferently, having watched without even slight interference, “It appears that you’re about two months pregnant, Kobayashi-san.”   
  
… 

…What? 

She could only stare at him as her mother screamed her head off, “I should have _locked you away_! No— _dignity whatsoever_ to keep your legs closed for your _husband_!! And probably with some-some _nobody_ at that!! Not only do we have to dispose of your _bastard_ , I’m giving _Kamaishi Domo_ secondhand goods!! You slut!”   
  
…Pregnant? It…it wasn’t possible, she…she thought…it wasn’t possible. How? Yamada…Yamada was right? It… 

“There’s nothing to be done for it just yet, Kobayashi-san. We have methods with minimal scarring but I won’t be able to get an appointment until Saturday” the doctor reported. 

“Ugh! Isn’t there some _poison_ for her to drink to kill the bastard?”   
  
“Well, I’ve heard alcohol in large amounts can kill the fetus but it’s a serious risk to the…drinker, if you will.”   
  
Her mother was about to explode. “It’s more than the skank deserves. Make that appointment immediately. Ugh, perhaps I can cite the floozy being sick and push the wedding back a week. What is the world _coming to_?!”   
  
“Very good, ma’am.”   
  
The doctor left and her mother gave her a look with so much malevolence behind it Dana shrank back. “I don’t expect much of my children, Dana. Simply that they follow an order to things. Do you think I wouldn’t have liked to have gone off and have some wild bohemian romance? Do you think your father would begin to be my first choice? Of all these affluent men? _Hardly_. But my mother told me to marry him and I kept my virginity _sacred_ until our wedding night. That was the _one thing_ expected of me. To think I have a child so blatantly— _defiant_ of my order she would get herself _pregnant_ with someone other than her fiancé’s child. I must’ve…failed somewhere as a mother.”   
  
“P-Please…what…what are you…what are you going to do to my child?”   
  
“You _have_ no child. I will hear nothing more of whatever that— _thing_ inyour stomach is. He’ll be properly stabbed out, the poor bastard, and then we’ll pretend you’ve never even seen a man’s penis and you will _never shame me again_.”   
  
Dana watched silently as her mother yelled into the hallway, bellowing that her room be surrounded with even more security than before. Her door was slid shut and she was left there to sit in the gravity of this knowledge. Pregnant. 

…Pregnant. With Yamada’s baby. 

Shaking, she slowly rested her hands on the ‘pudge’, having thought nothing of it. It…it wasn’t big at all, no, but…that…was their baby. Her…and Yamada’s… 

He was right. What was she thinking? He told her. He told her that it was possible and pleaded that they practice safe sex. He _tried_ to explain but she just threw him off, told him it would be _her_ choice when she wanted to be pregnant. 

And now, here she was with her surprise baby that she hadn’t been able to mentally ward off. The day after tomorrow they’d take it from her and she’d recover in time to marry an absolute monster. They’d take her baby then they’d make her marry someone she didn’t love but loathed. That…that was the order of things. To kill the child of the person she adored and wed who they chose. 

…That’s not what she wanted. 

She refused food when it was brought to her, uncertain whether her mother would attempt her ‘poison’ early to rid herself of the ‘unwanted guest’. She even went to sleep. Until 2 am. 

Dana peered out the window, the back of at least two guards remaining there despite it being their designated smoke break. They must’ve decided to take turns tonight. She watched as it started to rain, another obstacle. No matter. 

She found a knife she’d been using to cut metal for her designs. She’d left it behind for various reasons, none of them valid anymore. Pursing her lips tight, bitter it had to come to this, she stabbed the knife…into the floor. 

It took all her strength and effort to cut a large enough hole into the tatami. She ended up having to kick the rest of it in when the knife dulled. She stared down at the space underneath, thinking of the likelihood that hole in the foundation was big enough for her to slip through. She had to try. 

Dana didn’t want to breathe in fear her mother would hear her, crawling in the mud beneath their home. She found herself stopping and rubbing her stomach, apologizing for having to slither along. Hopefully it was strong. It would need to be. 

The test. She saw ‘the light’ of the hole and knew there was no way for her to slide through. She stared at it, figuring she could slip through vertically…if she pressed her breasts and breathed in tight. Would that hurt it? Shaking, Dana gritted her teeth. They were going to _kill it_ _on purpose._

Sucking in hard, Dana clawed and slipped through the mud. If it had been even a centimeter smaller she wouldn’t have made it. She scraped her foot pulling it out but…she crouched low, swiftly looking around for guards and found none. Every bone in her body said ‘run’ but she crept, keeping the noise of her escape to the minimum. All she could hear was the blood gushing in her ears. She took to the woods and, as soon as she was past the gate, she bolted. 

…Oh, baby…this…this wasn’t what she wanted either. Not… 

Not like this. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

What the hell?   
  
Yagami Yamada started, alarmed, when the phone rang. Looking around, squinting sharply in confusion, he rubbed his head. The hell? 

He guessed he’d been working on homework or something as he’d apparently fallen asleep on the table. He…hadn’t been sleeping well lately. Grimacing in disgust at his drool stain all over his last Physics essay, he shook his head. What an ass week. 

He didn’t know what precisely he expected. Maybe he thought that Kobayashi Dana would realize that her life could be ‘so easy’ by being hella hard. His mother would probably take up her mother’s mantle and torture her so that’d force them to move out. He’d have to pay all of their rent, utilities, and groceries _and_ keep that bastard alive. It wasn’t…practical. And he knew that but he still hoped because…love, he guessed. He didn’t care for it much in his pragmatic mind because it made nonsense feasible. 

Fast forward to Tuesday and Hisakawa came over. Yamada was surprised the guy would even speak to him again after that debacle. At the end of the day that was still his boss Yamada got into a pissing match with. Alas, in some sort of plot twist, Hisakawa said if they weren’t one trigger happy guard away from dying it was pretty satisfying. “ _Guy’s a pompous ass.”_

_“Hisakawa, man, just get out of this. Let Shin take over and run it into the ground. Run off to Guam or something.”  
  
_ He’d laughed and said that was a hell of an idea. Yea, where was he getting this Guam money? Apparently he wasn’t receiving as much as Yamada had fathomed which definitely explained the apartment in the s—tiest part of their neighborhood. It was a decent exchange for a rapist bastard. Wished he could say the same of Shin. 

_“You would’ve just let me die, huh?! Being a smartass!”  
  
_ Oh, that…damn…irony. _“Shin…that bastard’s family…killed your dad. Killed him over probably…nothing. Maybe he lost a dollar putting it in a pachinko machine, we…have no literal proof. And these are the sort of people YOU want to associate with, the ones that just…backstab for no DAMN reason.”  
  
“Look, nothing is going to bring my dad back and frankly he seems to matter more to you than to me. He was a s—t father, Yamada. He had affairs, he beat my mom, and he was worth more in death than life to our family. You think my mom batted an eye when he died? That’s why she remarried so f—king quick, he was trash to her too. I dunno what he asked you to do for me in death but he was just asking you to do what he couldn’t do in life!”   
  
_ To be perfectly honest, Yamada was genuinely surprised Shin had ever thought that deeply. No, Hamasaki was no saint. He knew what he was doing in that bar and yea, he was really to blame for his own death. Alas, on his death bed? That man cared about his son making his same mistakes and Shin was making the _exact_ same mistakes _. “Shin, please, you can have a better life. A life where you don’t have to toy with people like that, people that’ll shoot you because you’re missing a copper coin, man. What did you have to do with our exchange for him to have someone point a gun at the back of your head and cock it? Nothing. He should’ve pointed it at me but life is a joke to him. Yours, mine, they’re meaningless. And no matter how much of a piece of garbage your dad was, he didn’t want that for you. He didn’t want your life to be made into a joke; he wanted you to survive.”  
  
_ Shin was starting to shake now. Probably needed a fix. Everything was a joke now. 

So that was Wednesday. Thursday, today, he dragged his way lifelessly through work contemplating the meaninglessness of it all. Got to school, did fairly decent on his final exam and came home to stare carelessly at his final paper about quantum physics. If he could get a low D writing ‘f—k quantum physics’, he’d do it. His life just…felt strange right now. He was driven, he really was. Biochemistry was next and some of his non-science classes so he…was on the right road. 

By himself. 

Dana just kept pushing him. She had made sure even when he got sidetracked or an obstacle thrown in front of him that he kept going. Others had helped like Souma and Craig and increasingly Kari and Mina but…he guessed, like Shin told him, part of the reason he’d walked this road was her. Now, walking it alone he just…kept stopping. 

Who the hell was calling at almost three in the morning?   
  
Sucking his cheek as he slouched over to pick up, well into its fourteenth ring without the caller hanging up, Yamada was prepared to tell whoever her mother’s extra sugar daddy was to ‘f—k off’. Even his sedentary mother who wanted him to do nothing with his life was progressing. What…was he working for again?   
  
“Hello…?”   
  
Yamada raised a brow when he heard silence and rain. What? He tried again. “Hello?”   
  
“…Yama.”   
  
He jolted. What? “Dana?”   
  
His heart immediately began to race. Wait, was she…? No, no, don’t…don’t get your hopes up just yet. You said you were willing to wait and maybe she just needed someone to talk to. Be patient. “H-Hey, it’s…it’s super late but I’m glad to hear your voice. How are you doing?”   
  
She fell quiet again. Where was she? It sounded like she was in a box with the overwhelming rush of rain. “Dana?”   
  
“…I wasn’t going to call you. You told me and warned me. You tried to keep me safe but I didn’t listen. I shouldn’t have called you.”   
  
What? “Dana, what are you talking about? You can always call me, no matter what. Where are you?”   
  
“I…I called because I wonder about your father. I know you think he’d be an awful person but I wonder if maybe he might have liked to know you exist, that he has a wonderful son” she murmured lifelessly. 

What the hell was going on? “Dana…you’re really freaking me out here. Are you at your house? I’ll come see you.”   
  
“I’m pregnant.”   
  
… 

…Oh. 

Yamada felt his blood run cold and he stopped breathing for perhaps a couple of seconds. P… 

_Pregnant_ ? He gawked for words, speechless. Yea, he’d tried to drive it into her head that, yes, she could very well get pregnant despite her entreaty that she could use mind control as protection. On the other side, he most certainly didn’t put up much of a fight in keeping himself from having sex with her without protection. Not…one bit. Oh s—t. “Dana--” 

“They’ll come after you, Yamada. My family, Domo’s family…they’ll all come after you and try to take everything you’re trying to build away. And, if I may be so arrogant, the portions I helped you build? I took pride in that, that…you’re taking what little I was able to do for you and moving toward success. That’s why I couldn’t. That’s why I couldn’t go to you. If they tore that down, I couldn’t forgive myself.” 

“That’s not--”   
  
“I promise I’ll take care of our baby. I…I have some money. I’ll skip town and…and we’ll be safe. They were going to kill the baby and that…that was too much. Take my life from me, let me protect yours, but…they won’t harm anything of yours. I-I wouldn’t let that happen. Couldn’t.”   
  
He almost threw up. “Dana—Dana, you listen to me: that is _our_ child, okay? I am just as much a part of putting it in you so you-you _aren’t_ going to skip town. I am responsible for _our_ child as much as you feel you are and I will destroy your and that awful family before I lose either of you. I have had _every_ obstacle put in my way, Dana, and I have not been knocked down yet. You and-and our kid, you have given me even more of a reason to keep going. I _mean it_ , I love you and I want you to be here with me.”   
  
“…I can’t. I can’t ask that of you.”   
  
“Dana, I mean every fucking word: I will drop _everything_ and spend every dime I have to find you if you leave. I will willingly lose _everything_ : my scholarship, my friends, my job—I am not losing you for my own ambitions! Where are you? Please.” 

The silence was deafening and he only heard his own ears ringing when the line went dead. 

No. _No_. 

Yamada tripped to his feet, grabbing the keys to his motorcycle and sprinting out the door. _No, no, no_. He never had asked anyone to protect him a day of his life. His mother never protected him and his friend of a decade would let him get killed over money. He fought every battle for himself and he damn sure wasn’t going to have her start by sacrificing herself and _their baby_. 

He gritted his teeth and thought of the ‘practical’ places she’d be. Stations. 

He went to Hondo Station. Deserted. He went to Subami Station. Deserted. He went to the train station. Nothing. He even passed through the airport, no one. He went from station to station to station and each abandoned one he came to made him feel sicker and sicker. 

She…she already understood about his father. A man that was vacant from his life for reasons that may have been beyond his control. Yes, more likely he was a philandering bastard like the type his mother liked but Dana understood. She knew he wouldn’t want his son or daughter wondering why they had no father in their life. Why would she do this? 

Shaking, hit by a cold chill as he was soaked through to the bone, Yamada drove to the coast past the Bryant Clinic. He heard there was a station down there but never bothered to go. It was for something that sounded kind of flighty. A ferry or something. 

When Yamada came to the station, he had a feeling he’d have to think harder. Maybe she was in hiding at Harumi’s but…that seemed like the first place her parents would look. Any of her classmates would be too obvious. Did…did she hitch a ride? Would she do something that dangerous? He swallowed hard and clenched his head. “Dana…”   
  
He wanted a cigarette so badly but they were just a soggy mess now in his pocket. Going to sit under the awning to think where to look next, he stopped cold. 

Somehow he’d missed the little figure, her head bowed so deeply while covered in mud and soaking wet. Her long brown hair veiled her face. Yamada let out the longest breath of relief. “Dana.”   
  
“…You weren’t supposed to find me” she said barely above a whisper. 

“I think I was” he murmured, kneeling in front of her. 

She looked so sad, her face gripped with melancholy. “You weren’t. I only didn’t find a way out of here faster becau-because you said you’d come looking for me. I told myself to stay until morning and leave be-because you said that and I knew you wouldn’t--” 

“Well, if it makes you feel better, you almost had me. My last thought would be a ferry station” he smiled despite himself. 

“M-My grandfather was disowned by the Kobayashi family. I was going there, across the sea. It’s a nice place, Mineral Town. The baby and I could have made some cash there before having to run again” she whispered. 

Yamada scowled, gripping her hands, “That’s no life for you or our child. Maybe Mineral Town is nice but you belong right here with me.”   
  
Dana simply fell silent. He was too relieved. Pulling her up gently, Yamada hugged her side and placed her in front of him on the motorcycle. It made it more clumsy and cumbersome but he wasn’t certain she’d hold on right now. 

It was close to six in the morning by the time they returned to Wasaba. He ignored the brutal fight they passed between some kids with nothing better to do at 5:49 am in the rain. No…this wasn’t any sort of life for his child or Dana either. 

He actually carried her up the steps because she seemed unwilling. A part of him wanted to ask if he was forcing her to do something she didn’t want to. The only problem was she’d told him why she didn’t want to and it was all about him. He couldn’t do that. 

Yamada had her stand for a moment in the entry of his apartment before rushing to his room to get the boxes Kari and Mina brought by. They were adamant Dana would come to him so he needed to keep her clothes. They were wrong. All the same, he fished out some dry clothes and undergarments for her before snagging his. Setting them in the bathroom, he returned to get her. She hadn’t moved. 

How had she gotten out? She was caked in mud. Yamada pulled her shirt over her head and the ruined houndstooth skirt. He dropped the articles into a bag to set aside before stripping himself and turning on the shower. He placed her directly under the tap to get the dirt off, grabbing his soap and lathering up a washcloth. Oh, he’d have to start getting her whatever soap she preferred. He was pretty basic. 

Yamada hummed softly to his battered girlfriend in a counter effort not to fly off the handle, seeing all the scabs and scars in her scalp as he tenderly washed her hair. That f—king bitch of a mother. Maybe Dana did become pregnant running around in secret with him but who was willing to sell her to yakuza scum? 

Calming because it was no use being mad when she was this distraught, he wrapped a towel around her and one around his hips. Sitting her down, he started to dry her and her hair off. Quickly doing the same for himself, he got them both dressed and took her to his room. 

He suspected everything she had was to be ‘replaced’ with matronly things because he even had her hair brush in one of the boxes. There had to be something ironic about all her stuff being brought here when she needed to make an easy escape. Now she wasn’t entirely starting over. Brushing her locks gently, Yamada wished…she’d say something. Or move. 

One step at a time. Lying her in bed, Yamada tucked her in before cautiously stroking her cheek. “…I’ve never gotten to wash a girl’s hair before. Did I do it right?”   
  
For some reason, probably the fact it was six in the morning and he was mentally and physically exhausted, that was very much his most poignant concern now. His heart felt better when Dana smiled a little at him. “You did a very good job. Thank you.”   
  
He kissed her forehead, murmuring, “I’ll be right back, okay?”   
  
“Where are you going…?”   
  
Yamada had never called out of work a day in his _life_. Come pneumonia or flu, he was there. However, after all this, he could say he would be absolutely and utterly _useless_ to Souma today. “I have to make a call to Souma. I’m…probably going to pass out before I do anything slightly productive if I try to go in in the next hour.”   
  
“I’m sorry…”   
  
“Stop that” he scolded lightly…well, there was one other thing. “Dana? Can…”   
  
She frowned at him as he nervously sputtered, “I-I dun…I don’t know if I, uh, c-can o-or should or…or even expect much ri-right now but…but may I…to-touch your stomach?”   
  
Dana pinked in the morning light streaming through his window. “Y-Yes. I…I hope it’s okay. I…I might have put it through a lot of stress today.” 

Ugh, how…how was he going to get her to a doctor? While Dr. Souma was in support of their relationship, he also might be against their runaway relationship right now. Peeling the covers back, he gently pressed his hand to her stomach. It was still…fairly flat. Just the pudge of organs that were already there. All the same, he leaned over and kissed her skin. “…Don’t be a little boy.”   
  
“What are you saying?” Dana gasped. “I want a little boy!”   
  
“What for? So he can be a mini-terror like me?” he groaned, “Let’s stick with girls so they can be like their mom.”   
  
Dana pouted at him, “Now you’re going to have just a bunch of boys that act like their father.”   
  
“Please, don’t jinx us.”   
  
She giggled softly before staring up at him with a weak expression, “Are you sure, Yama? I don’t think you understand what can happen to you, to our child. I won’t forgive myself if you suffer for me.”   
  
“Whatever happens, I’ll be here and I’ll fight it” he replied, “I don’t think _you_ understand that after play time is over you don’t get to go home to Subami.”   
  
“Didn’t I say I didn’t want to leave?”   
  
His eyes widened as she stared up at him solemnly. Oh…right. “…I understand. I’m sorry.”   
  
“So silly” she murmured, reaching up to tousle his hair. She was coming back and he was glad. “Next time, let me wash your hair, okay?”   
  
“Okay.”   
  
“Go call Souma so we can go to sleep and see how the nightmare unravels, okay?”   
  
Yamada nodded and kissed her, covering her up again. Going to his living room, he took a deep breath and started to call that, thankfully, early bird. 

He was going to be a dad. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

“It’s so strange. When pregnant women come into the clinic, they’re vomiting and queasy. You’re…magical or something.”   
  
Kobayashi Dana smirked as Yagami Yamada walked into their now shared room. He’d just gotten off of work and had gone to the ‘madhouse’ to sign up for classes. Apparently they just had a bunch of teachers stand around tables with a signup sheet. Sounded…frantic. He smiled that he’d gotten the classes he needed, regardless. So…so far so good. 

It’d been about four days and when Yamada’s mother left the newspaper on the table after she left for work, she’d frantically go and see if she was in the missing person’s report. So far, nothing. That was good. In a way. Nonetheless, Yamada insisted she stay inside until he could ‘scope things out’. She was fearful of him meeting with Domo again. “ _You oughta’ be because I might kill the bastard.”  
  
_ Oh, her sweetie. He sat down on the bed and leaned in to give her a kiss while rubbing her stomach. Kari and Mina came by, apparently having been informed of the circumstances by Yamada and him wanting her to keep from getting ‘stir crazy’. Mina was _horrified_.   
  
_“Dana, you’re so young. I mean, yea, you’ll be sixteen by the time you have the baby bu-but jeez! A baby! Are you really sure you want it?”  
  
“Don’t be so lame, Mina” Kari cooed, touching her stomach, “Can you imagine? Dana, your baby’s gonna be so gorgeous! You and Yamada are made to breed models.”   
  
“Breed!” Dana groaned, “I’m not having puppies, Kari.”   
  
She had laughed while Mina remained pensive. “I mean it, Dana. It’s dangerous to give birth in general. Not to mention, you have the rest of your life to have children now! You’ve gotten out of your parent’s jail, why don’t you start doing what you want to do and have the kids later?”   
  
_ Yamada kissed her belly, murmuring a ‘thanks’ to their child for not making her a ‘vomiting machine’. Perhaps she would have considered that if she were alone with her thoughts. Now, she…she was very much excited. 

He stroked her hair back, frowning, “Have you made yourself anything to eat? I made sure the refrigerator was stocked up for you.”   
  
“U-Uh, well, a li-little something earlier” she laughed nervously, sitting up. 

His brows creased, “‘A little something’? You have to eat well, Dana, you’re going to need a lot of nutrition for you and the baby.”   
  
Atsuko was already suspicious. 

On the first day of her being here, the woman seemed surprised to see her come out of Yamada’s room. He’d gotten up around noon and started to make them something to eat. Instead of telling her what was going on, Yamada simply gave Atsuko a plate as well before settling at the table with her. There were tons of questions in his mother’s eyes but Yamada reported he had had a long night so he was using a vacation day when she demanded why he was home from work. 

It was only a matter of time, Dana knew. Atsuko glowered at her questioningly when she was in the living room, smoking a cigarette, and Dana would peek out to see if the ‘coast was clear’. While Yamada claimed he basically lived by himself, it seemed more precise to say she was here during the day while Yamada was here during the night. Dana…was too fearful to go out and make herself anything to eat. She’d started hiding snacks to nibble on in the room until Yamada came home. 

He was already spoiling her too much. The second day, Yamada brought home a small television after working Saturday to make up time to give her something to do. She recalled in the very beginning, when she first started to visit, they had one in the living room. Yamada admitted that his mother decided to sell it for a train ride and vodka. He lamented that _he_ bought it but ‘oh well’. 

Dana hadn’t watched much television to begin with so it wasn’t necessary. He insisted he got a deal and it was good to have one. It was…she watched the news for any signs of her face. So far so good. 

Sunday…Sunday had been nice. He lied in bed with her in her exhaustion, fed her, and rubbed her ankles. She’d been amused because her ankles didn’t hurt. ‘They might’, Yamada had said. 

It was her greatest shame that a man was more of a pregnancy expert than her. She had no living idea and that’s why she was pregnant in the first place. They’d tried to give the girls at the school the opportunity for sex education but their parents were in an uproar, declaring it’d make them want to have sex if they knew anything about it. Really, that…that had been _entirely_ incorrect. Now, here she was, pregnant and not knowing a thing about what pregnant meant except it produced a baby. Maybe she’d get Yamada to get her some books from the library. 

Monday, today, Yama had returned to work and she’d felt stir crazy as he expected. She tried to work on her clothes but realized it was useless now, Zann was gone. She couldn’t contact him regardless as it was just far too risky. Harumi would probably be shocked to learn she was pregnant. 

Presently, Yamada gave her a look and took her hand, leading her to the living room. “Really, Dana, this is important. I want you and our baby to be well-fed and healthy. I mean, you’ve…cooked me stuff before. You know how to cook, right?”   
  
Dana huffed, sitting at the table and fanning herself. “Yes, I know how to _cook_ , Yamada. I’m not utterly helpless.”   
  
He started to take things out of the cabinets for what appeared to be teriyaki noodles. Okay, was she on _Yamada_ level cooking? Not even close. She really just learned by happenstance since it wasn’t one of the ‘wifely duties’ she needed. She was supposed to have cooks, after all. So…she needed cookbooks too. Ugh, her whole life she’d been placed in these normative ideals that said the wife knew how to do wifely things like cooking and children and the man worked and brought home the money and fixed stuff…as was, Yamada was the husband _and_ the wife. 

…Not like they were married though. 

“So I’m going to tell Souma about our situation.”   
  
Dana looked up, alarmed, as Yamada chopped some cabbage. “W-Why?! That’s crazy!”   
  
“I think I can trust him, Dana, and in the small chance I can’t, we’re just going to have to flee” Yamada shrugged, disturbingly calm, “But I am not going to sit around for nine months and use my basic knowledge of pregnancy to keep you and the baby safe. You need to have checkups and ultrasounds and, sorry to say, I have _none of that_ here.”   
  
“I-I do suppose…”   
  
He gave her a comforting smile. “We’ll make this work, Dana. Hell or high water, we’ll make this happen.”   
  
…Right. 

Yamada hummed as he cooked, having grabbed one of his textbooks to read, as usual. It would have been calming if she had something to work on too but…Yagada was at a standstill now. Well, they didn’t get to talk much. “U-Um, so, I think your mom is questioning why I’ve been here for four days, Yama. Maybe we ought to tell her.”   
  
Not responding immediately, Dana thought after a few minutes he’d tuned her out while reading. However, he said deeply, “Not yet.”   
  
“I-I mean, she should commiserate, right?”   
  
“Don’t hold my mother to normal human emotions.”   
  
What? She wanted to question more but he settled two bowls of noodles on the table. Dana sulked when he gave her a glass of milk. “I’m not a kid.”   
  
“Calcium, Dana. I want you and junior to have strong bones” Yamada replied simply, about to crack open a beer.   
  
Dana leered, “Well, maybe ‘junior’ and I want _daddy_ to have strong bones too so he ought to drink a glass of milk as well.”   
  
Yamada gave her a bland expression before grunting, “ _Fine_. ‘Daddy’s’ not afraid of a glass of milk.”   
  
She was honestly surprised Yamada even _had_ milk, she’d never seen him drink or eat one thing milk-based except for that stew from Christmas. He went to the kitchen and returned with his glass, glaring lightly at it. 

“…I haven’t drank a glass of milk since I was ten.”   
  
“Me either! Let’s not do it” Dana insisted.   
  
“I didn’t say that was going to _stop me_ ” Yamada stuck out his tongue, picking it up and taking a sip. “…Eh, just melted ice cream.”   
  
Dana laughed, “What?! Ice cream is more than milk, you.”   
  
“Maybe, but this is sweeter than anything I’d normally drink” he mused, actually taking another sip, “Might save this for dessert.”   
  
Ugh. He probably hated it but was trying not to give her an excuse to not drink it. Taking small sips, she sighed deeply. “You’re going to make this tough, aren’t you?”   
  
“Of course not” he droned, “I’m just going to make it so our baby is a spectacular specimen when she comes out. Full kneecaps and everything.”   
  
What?! Dana gaped, “…That’s a risk if I don’t drink milk?! My baby won’t have knee caps?!”   
  
“Yea, we’ll go with that.”   
  
“I hate you, Yamada.”   
  
The blond snickered, glancing over his shoulder when the door opened, slurping his noodles, “Dana, babies don’t have fully developed knee caps when they’re born. It’s perfectly normal.”   
  
_WHAT?! What was normal about that_ ?! She wanted to plead what _else_ her poor baby was going to be born without but Yagami Atsuko had entered in her waitress uniform. Dana almost blurted ‘okaeri’ but, as Yamada had said the very first time she’d come here, they just didn’t do that. Again, her sweetie though, just because she said it to him out of habit he would respond with a slow ‘tadaima’. He…was really trying. 

“Okay, the gig’s up. What’s the deal?”   
  
Dana’s eyes widened as Atsuko spoke sharply, her arms crossed as she hovered above them at the table. Yamada scraped the bottom of his bowl, blinking slowly. “Why, whatever do you mean, mommy?”   
  
“Don’t you give me that, you blond bastard. What is with you and your rich girl shacking up suddenly? I don’t remember us discussing that nor me saying she could” Atsuko countered, glaring at him. 

Yamada swallowed his last bit as Dana felt herself grow pale. He wiped his lips with a napkin before slowly standing. “Mother…can Dana be allowed to stay here?”   
  
“What _for_? Why would she need to run from a probably _mansion_ to our s—ty two room apartment in the damn slums?”   
  
“That’s not important” Yamada insisted, “She just needs somewhere to stay. I’m going to be putting more toward the water and utilities for her. It’ll be fine, I promise.”   
  
Atsuko didn’t seem convinced. “Yamada, in the last year you’ve decided to go to school to become a _doctor_ against my wishes and you’ve been carousing around with _this one_ for well over a year. Now she’s living here. You better not be plotting some sort of teen marriage foolishness. I forbid it.”   
  
“You forbid it, mother? You stopped raising me when I was eleven years old, I think you’re well past enforcing discipline on me” Yamada snorted loudly. 

“Then, _son I stopped raising_ , if I have a new roommate in a home I pay half for, I think I ought to be able to know why we suddenly are sharing!” Atsuko snapped. 

Dana stood to interject, “M-Ma’am, i-it’s my fault--” 

Yamada held up a hand to stop her. She could only see the back of his head which was quite menacing for some reason. She wanted to see his face so she could know what he was thinking. Only Atsuko’s visible anger was poignant… 

“Mother, Dana is pregnant with my child. And we’re going to keep it.”   
  
Oh…relief. He finally got it out there. Dana braced herself for the woman’s indignation, a rightful response to stupid youthful antics leading to something so permanent. But surely she’d understand. 

…Atsuko’s face melted into absolute _dismay_. “…Are you kidding me?”   
  
“I’m not.”   
  
Dana yelped when the woman slapped Yamada clean across the face. Why?! “You stupid _bastard_!! What is wrong with you?! You watched us struggle _year after year_ to make ends meet, to see me disowned by my supposed family for _you_ , drag myself from _job to job_ to put food in your stomach, and you have the _nerve_ to tell me you’re going to _keep it_?!”   
  
_What_ ? Dana’s mouth fell agape as the woman pointed at her boldly, “That thing will _ruin you_! You think this is a game?! You think I’d have had you if I knew my life would be like this?! I ‘raised you’ until you were _eleven_? That was _eleven years_ of my _life_ for you!! You have no idea what you’re getting in to! Get _rid_ of that child!”   
  
All Dana was able to do was tremble in horror, still unable to see Yamada’s face. He hadn’t moved or made a sound. What was he thinking? That his mother was right? Maybe…maybe she was. Maybe this was a huge mistake, but…but… 

They weren’t going to take her child. She…she didn’t…understand Yamada’s mother. And…and for this scary moment, she…she wasn’t sure she understood him. 

“…I will not, mother. I’ve respected everything you’ve done for me my entire life and I fully appreciated every struggle you had to go through because you had me. I’m sorry that my birth made your family disown you and that you had to work three jobs before I could to keep food on our table. But…don’t you act like I haven’t struggled there along with you. And don’t you act like every step I’ve made to better myself you’ve blatantly dismissed and criticized. I have _one_ job that more than pays our rent and puts food on our table. I don’t know what the struggle of my child will be but it won’t be because I won’t feed him or try to make a better way for him. Dana tried to run off and I told her to come back because I’m not afraid to fight to make my life better. And I know exactly what I’m getting in to…and what I won’t do.”   
  
Dana watched his still back, his hands balled at his waist. Atsuko was staring at him and Dana hoped maybe his entreaty had convinced her of his determination. They could do this. She’d see. They’d raise her grandchild comfortably and none of them would ever suffer the way Yamada and she had to. 

“…Then get out.”   
  
Dana felt her blood run cold. 

Yamada didn’t say anything. Dana choked, “W-Wait, please, I-I know you can’t mean that! You _did_ raise Yamada this long so I can’t believe for a second you want to kick him out--” 

He _helped her_. He gave up a very good potential to go to school so he could work to support her at barely _eleven years old_. He had never once skipped a payment or bill and he helped them _make it_. And she worked those three jobs because he was her _child_! She could make up any coldhearted excuse she wanted but she could have left them beggars on the street if she wanted but she went and worked every job she could! She loved her child!   
  
Atsuko gave him a bitter expression, her face hard. “…You’re dead to me.”   
  
She stomped around them and slammed the door _hard_ to her bedroom. Dana shivered as the woman started screaming behind the barrier they had four hours to vacate before she called security. _What was happening_? 

Yamada started to walk toward his bedroom, having not said a word. Dana frantically followed him, almost tripping as she wept, “Y-Yamada, ma-maybe I should get rid of the baby. I-I can’t be responsible for splintering your relationship with the only parent you’ve known, I _can’t_!”   
  
“…You didn’t do that, Dana” he said, his voice so calm she was frightened.   
  
“Yama--” 

“Here, we need to move quickly. Don’t lift anything heavy but start putting stuff in bags. We’ll sort it all out later. I’ll start moving the big stuff.”   
  
Dana wanted to protest _, plead_ , that he think this through but he started to move his mattress after taking off the sheets. He told her to use his ‘nightstand’ to put her sewing supplies in. 

Lifelessly, she started to quickly box everything up. Yamada took his mattress and slid it down the first flight of stairs after directing her to start putting things at the top of the steps. _No,_ they had to fix this!!   
  
Yamada was huffing by the time he came to get the box spring, having shimmied the mattress down five flights of steps. He instructed her next to get the kotatsu and any of the food on the second shelf of the refrigerator. _But—_

“Baby, can you stand by the mattresses downstairs? I can’t trust someone won’t try to run off with it. If they do try to threaten you though, just give it to them” Yamada asked gently, wiping his sweaty brow once he was done with the two biggest pieces. 

What was happening? Dana powerlessly walked down the steps, standing in the lobby. People that lived there watched her curiously as they passed by. She…she couldn’t… 

Yamada went up and down the steps at least thirty times, bringing down the bags and the boxes. The very last thing he brought was the television, finally a look of anger on his face. He set it beside her before going to ask the super for a cart. The man demanded to know what was going on and Yamada said flatly ‘the bitch kicked me out’. 

Dana felt tears roll down her face as Yamada handed the man some bills in order to use the cart for a little while until they could plot their next step. She followed him frailly as he sat outside, the summer sun still up at eight pm as he tiredly sat on the sidewalk, dropping his head. She…she couldn’t… 

She couldn’t _believe this_. She thought _her mother_. She thought her mother was this uncaring frigid being and Yamada’s mother just put him out because he wanted to stand by her? Fine, ask him to leave but at least give him a few _days_ to find a place to _live_! Four hours? _Four hours_? 

Crumbling beside him, Dana wanted to sob. His very life was at risk because of her, because of who her family was. His life was harder now because he had to account for a _child_. And now, because of _her_ , his mother…his mother was enraged. He couldn’t _say_ it was what he wanted now. This wasn’t what _anyone_ would want!! This was all…all her fault… 

“Dana…?”   
  
She glanced at him as he rested his chin in his hands, staring at the streets full of the shady and reckless in their newfound homelessness. 

“Yea…?”   
  
“…Our parents kind of suck, don’t they?”   
  
…For whatever reason, they both laughed. Probably because not two hours ago, they were sitting down, eating, and arguing over the importance of her drinking milk and their baby’s knee caps. Now they were sitting on a sidewalk with their few earthly possessions on a cart and in black trash bags or whatever they could find. Now, neither of them had a home since everyone doubted their abilities and took the affront of their perceived impending failure personally. They knew they’d made a mistake and were willing to be responsible for it. But not these monsters that bred them. 

They were truly on their own. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

“Here.”   
  
Kobayashi Dana hugged her knees to her chest, feeling cold after everything. They weren’t outside any longer but… 

After Yamada recovered some of his strength, he reluctantly had her watch their things before running off. For a brief second she thought he might not come back. She did this. 

No, he returned about fifteen minutes later, surprisingly, with a box truck. “I paid Jum’s dad some cash to use it. He’s going to let me pull it into a garage with our stuff until we find a place to go.”   
  
Where? Where could they go…? He helped her into the passenger side while he put everything on the back. She pleaded to help but he insisted she not strain their baby. 

Weak and useless, Dana spat. Yamada admitted after he was done that she probably could have done light things but he’d hate for something to happen to either of them after everything that’s already happened. He stroked her hair tenderly and told her she’d be able to do a lot of things in the future. Sure, whatever. 

Yamada had been…reluctant but after they dropped everything off, they went to Shin’s house. Shin looked a little annoyed when they showed up but Yamada told him the circumstances flatly. “Dana’s pregnant, she ran away from home. Remember how my mom said nail as much as we want but don’t ever knock anyone up? Did that, she kicked me out. If you don’t _mind_ , may we use your spare bedroom until tomorrow?”   
  
Shin’s annoyance transformed to shock…but he didn’t turn them away. Yamada was _extra_ reluctant but he told her he had to go handle some things. She just weakly nodded as he kissed the top of her head and left. Maybe this time. 

Now, presently, Hamasaki Shin had placed a cup of some sort of yellow liquid before her. She stared at it before looking to him as he sat beside her, “What’s that?”   
  
Closing his eyes, he shrugged, “It’s this combination of medicines my sister took when she accidentally got pregnant. Took care of the problem quick and easy.”   
  
Dana gazed at the cup as Shin continued, “Yamada doesn’t even have to know. Drink it up and none of this craziness has to happen. You’ll be home free.”   
  
…Dana thought. 

She got rid of her child, it would be easier. Yamada could reunite with his mother and she maybe could start to save toward her future. Apparently she wouldn’t be welcome there but she wasn’t prepared for a child. Neither of them were. Better to be done with it. 

…Like hell. 

Dana gritted her teeth, angry, “You all think I’m so weak. I’m not capable of taking care of my child _or_ Yamada. You all think Yamada and I are making some huge mistake because we’re able to _accept_ our error. If we came together and said, ‘yea, let’s abort our baby’ then it’d be ‘fine’. Instead, because we’ve decided that we want to raise it we’re homeless because our parents are uncaring _bastards_. And here you are sitting beside me trying to make me give up. Every person in my life, including myself, has demanded that I give up and give in. Except Yamada. Yamada has every right to ask me to give up but he promises he’ll stay here with me no matter what. And as long as both he and I have a will, you can take that drink and shove it up your ass.”   
  
Shin blinked absently at her. He seemed very strange from the boy she met on their trip to the ocean. Less lively, just so…sickly and dead. However, he smirked and picked up the drink…and drank it. 

She gawked in horror as he licked his lips, setting the cup down, “It was apple juice, Dana. My sister’s twelve and I’d go beat a little bastard’s ass if she ended up pregnant right now.” 

“…You ass!”   
  
He laughed, scratching his shoulder, “Had to make sure you were in this to win it, Dana. If you and Yamada were just going to bring one more kid into this nightmare life, you ought to kill the poor son of a gun now. If you two are confident this is just working more toward your path then good. Can’t believe it though, that that’s what you both _want_. Kids, family, snooty jobs—nothing _I_ want but to each their own.”   
  
She shook her head, hugging her knees. “…Yamada is going to struggle. That’s the only thing, Yamada will be the one struggling the most and he just doesn’t see it.”   
  
“That blond bastard struggled his whole life, Dana. It’s just another day for him.”   
  
Dana looked to him as he gruffly started to shake and twitch. “…Some more than others, Shin?”   
  
“I don’t…I don’t know what you mean” he mumbled, standing quickly, “U-Uh, I guess Yamada will be back soon from whatever. Yo-you can take that room, I’m going to head to bed.”   
  
“…Thank you, Shin.”   
  
He was quickly fleeing but stopped. She gazed at him, having never seen physical addiction until now, and murmured, “You may not want them but I want you to be alive to see our baby. You do some…complicated things but I know you can do better. Maybe not the way Yamada does it but you can find your way. Please, you…you don’t need that.”   
  
For a moment, Dana became fearful when he gave her a hard look. Yamada wasn’t here and, like it or not, Shin was clearly strung out. She didn’t know what he was capable of…but he finally said: “You all have all this faith in me like I’m doing something wrong. I don’t think I am.”   
  
“…Maybe not. Not coming from the inside.”   
  
“…Fine.”   
  
Dana let out a breath of relief as Shin headed for his bedroom, nervously jesting: “Take care of yourself! Our baby needs an Uncle Shin!”   
  
“Feh! ‘Uncle Shin’, my foot!” 

She smiled some as he disappeared into his bedroom before frowning softly. Despite herself, she peeked into his room, the door having been left slightly ajar. He was sitting on the bed, clumsily trying to tie his arm off and shakily injecting a needle of real poison. She swallowed and quietly walked away, going to the bedroom and locking the door. 

…Didn’t Atsuko know that could be Yamada? 

If Shin and Yamada shared a similar upbringing, it was just one step that kept Yamada from being strung out on drugs right now. She’d heard about it in the rich community, children of the affluent getting addicted to drugs so badly they started stealing from their parents. Yamada responsibly worked three jobs for his mother before cutting it down to one that covered everything for them. He got into school so he could have an even better job. He could be stealing, he could be dangerously dealing like Shin and also using, and Atsuko kicked her Yamada out because…because he decided he was going to care for his ‘mistake’. Not once had she heard Yamada be irresponsible when it came to his duties… 

No…she was done giving up. She was doing this for her baby and, quite honestly, herself. Not once had she said to herself she could do something, that she was capable of more than doing what she was told. This was her doing something for her. 

…And Yamada. If everyone else was willing to give up on him then she’d be there for him. They could do this. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_“You’re doing WHAT?”_

_Yagami Yamada sleepily drank a cup of coffee he got from a gas station, exhausted. He went to work this morning for, sickeningly to him, a half day. Souma had actually seemed confused himself when he asked and Yamada had a very spiteful moment. He told the good doctor what his mother had done._

_“What?! She kicked you out?!” Souma gawked, “For what?!”  
  
Oh yea, that. “Doctor…I can tell you now that I trust you tremendously for someone I’ve known a little over a year now. That being said, I’m aware of how trust works and if you…you betray me, I will run and forget all this I accomplished. I won’t let them take her.”   
  
Souma looked disturbed. “…Okay.”   
  
So he told him. He told him how he met Dana’s fiancé and confessed to her. He told the older man that Dana had basically rejected him and a week later she found out she was pregnant with his child. Yamada explained how her mother was going to force her to abort it when she didn’t want to so Dana ran away. Dana wasn’t even running to him but he found her because it was just as much his responsibility as it was hers. She stayed with him for four days when Yamada’s mother finally asked what was going on, found out, and then gave him four hours to vacate the premises. Now, he was currently staying at his strung out ‘friend’s’ apartment and he needed to take a half-day so he could go find Dana and himself a place to live. _

_Souma stared at him in silence for a long few moments…before burying his face in his hands. “YAMADA.”  
  
“Look, Doctor, I know you have loyalties to the Kobayashi family--” _

_“What?!” Souma suddenly laughed shortly, “Those people wouldn’t deign to look at me. Loyalties?! Don’t make me laugh. I’m saying how you have gotten Dana PREGNANT. Condoms? I have a whole box of them in each office, Yamada, why?!”  
  
Yamada flustered, tapping his fingers together, “…We messed up.”   
  
“That’s putting it a little lightly” Souma glowered, “Dana is not at a recommended age to have a baby, Yamada, it’s going to be a little trickier than an older woman. Bring her to see me immediately so I can give her a checkup.”   
  
“Yes, sir.”   
  
“Are you even making enough to get yourself an apartment? It’s different splitting it than being the sole breadwinner.”   
  
“I…I am. At least, a one bedroom. The baby will have to sleep with us for a while but I doubt Dana will mind that. I’m going to move her to North Wasaba which is much safer and should keep her in a kind of no-man’s land for her parents. I’ll have to get up earlier for work but it at least puts me closer to school too.”   
  
Souma rubbed his forehead before sighing gravely, “…And of course you’ve thought all of this through. It’s just…it’s going to be difficult, Yamada. Everything you do seems to have some extreme level of difficulty. I find it amazing.”   
  
Yea, sure. Souma stared off for a moment before giving him a look. “Go on now. Find a place and then come back and do some of the labs to make up time. Dana needs a place to stay now and there’s no time to wait.”   
  
“Thank you, sir.”   
  
While Yamada was still a little nervous Souma would send her parents, he figured it’d take him a little time to get through to those bastard parents of Dana. When he got back last night, he was a little concerned the door was locked to their temporary room but she let him in. She told him she saw Shin was shooting up and was afraid. Yea, they…they couldn’t stay here. _

_The next morning, the whole crew gathered, Mina, Kari, Tep, Jum, Roller, and Shin. Apparently word got around that Atsuko had given them the boot and the gang was rather willing to give them a place to stay. Yamada and Dana had expressed their appreciation for the gesture but Yamada informed them they were going apartment hunting in North Wasaba today. THAT yielded Shin’s incredulous response.  
  
“So you’re completely selling out, huh?! North Wasaba!”   
  
“What were you expecting, Shin?” Kari demanded, “Yamada makes good money and he’s going to be a doctor! He’s ascending. You don’t ascend into the same place you’ve always been.”   
  
Shin looked quite annoyed by this, like it hadn’t occurred to him that people moved up. Kari twiddled her fingers, anxious, “A-Actually, I’ve made enough money from the modeling I probably can move to North Wasaba. It’d be closer to a lot of the agencies that are scouting me too.”   
  
“That’s so neat, Kari!” Tep gasped, “Wow, everyone’s going places!”   
  
Kari smiled, nudging Mina, “But-t-t-t I was hoping to have a roommate.”   
  
Mina made a face but shrugged awkwardly, “…I…I am going to take the placement exam soon so I guess I’d be closer to Hondo that way.”   
  
“Oh man, everyone’s doing gnarly stuff” Roller pouted, “Man! I’m going to do great things too!”   
  
Yamada couldn’t help smile some as everyone excitedly talked about the prospect of a future. It was the liveliest talk he could think of coming from the bottom like they all had. Dana had seemed a little nervous about it too but when she heard everyone talk about all the possibilities, she perked up as well. There was potential for all of them. _

_Shin just numbly sat there, staring at them all like they were strangers in his existence._

_…Perhaps they were._

…It had an elevator. 

Kobayashi Dana was careful to cover her head and wear a pair of fake glasses as they went scouting apartments Yamada found in the newspaper. They’d visited three and they were good in her opinion but Yamada kept insisting they look at more. She…wasn’t certain what he was looking for. Well…until this one. 

Down below, there were shops. Clothing shops, grocery stores, furniture, and all sorts of amenities. She’d just have to walk downstairs to shop. Why, there was even a small fabric store! She could continue to sew. 

The super stared at them drolly when Yamada requested to see the open apartment on the fourth floor. Obviously they just looked like two young teenagers coming to play games but the man begrudgingly took them up the elevator. Definitely an immediate plus even though it was kind of shaky. 

They walked about four doors down and he used his master key to unlock the vacant apartment. Dana eyes widened at the open space, not much bigger than the apartment Yamada had with Atsuko but the walls were white instead of that dark cream. It had a large window that just let in so much light… 

They were led to the bathroom with a white shower slash tub. It was tiny but, wow, a tub! The kitchen wasn’t anything spectacular but they had all the amenities they needed: a stove, a refrigerator, and a sink. The last room, the bedroom, also had a big window in it and was generally the same size as Yamada’s room too…but again, it was just so bright. 

Yamada stared around absently before looking to the super. “Can you give us a moment?”   
  
Rolling his eyes, probably thinking they were just messing around, the apartment manager wandered to the kitchen. Yamada looked to her, “…I think this is a nice one. A perfect location so you don’t have to travel very far and I’m only fifteen minutes from the school.”   
  
“I-I do like it” she whispered, twiddling her fingers. They…they were choosing a place to live together. 

“Then you think this is it? We can look at more but I think this is too good to pass up.” 

Dana nodded and Yamada kissed the top of her head, wandering over to the older man. “We’ll take it.”   
  
“The rent is four thousand. Two thousand is needed for a security check” the man said suspiciously. 

Somehow she was able to sense he thought they had nothing, that they were just wasting his time. She even wondered if he was thinking about Yamada’s ‘gaijin’ status. 

However, she knew the weakness of men as Yamada pulled out his wallet and handed the man six thousand g’s in crisp bills. The man appeared stunned, gaping. Yes, they…they needed somewhere to live. This was not wasting his time. And Yamada…Yamada was a responsible person. 

“…U-Um…” 

“That’s it, right?” Yamada questioned, “Is there a fee for turning on the water and whatnot?”   
  
Scratching his black hair, the man looked…strained, as if he were having an inner struggle. Finally, he let out a long sigh. “I…do need to inform you that while the apartment has air conditioning, it doesn’t have heat.”   
  
Eh? It was _sweltering_ , why were they concerned about heat? Yamada’s brows creased, “…Does it not _have_ it or is it broken?”   
  
“B-Both, somewhat. It is broken but it’s not fixable. Most of the rooms don’t have heat, I’ll admit, so…I suppose I ought to be upfront about that since you were so upfront with paying. I can understand if you want to back out.”   
  
Yamada actually seemed to be considering this as if it was important right now. However, he looked pensive, “…We’ll still take it if you cut the rent back to 3600. That way I can pay the higher utility bills from not having heat.”   
  
“…Fair enough” the man mumbled, handing him four hundred back. He shook Yamada’s hand and offered to call the city to have the water turned on while they signed the contract. Dana bit her lip as Yamada agreed and they all walked to the man's office, or, bedroom. Yamada read over the written contract thoroughly before glancing to her. “…She’s my fiancée so we’re in between last names right now. She can sign it when that changes, if that’s all right.”   
  
Dana’s heart skipped a beat as her face turned bright red. What?! The man blinked slowly, “No, that’s fine. Congratulations…though, I have to say, you’re both kind of young to get hitched. Think that’s a good idea?”   
  
“We’ll see” Yamada drawled, taking the pen, “Do we need a move-in day? We’re also kind of in between homes right now too so sooner is much better than later.”   
  
“Move in when you want. It’s yours” the man nodded, pleased. 

Dana flushed deeply as Yamada bowed, thanking the man. Fiancée? He held her hand as they walked out and looked around, “…Guess I’ll get the guys when they get off work so they can help us get our stuff into the apartment. Then I have to go back to work…”   
  
“O-Oh, yes” she whispered. 

He turned to her, a soft smile on his face. “Dana?”   
  
Of course he said that to give them a better cover. The man might have asked that she sign and it may have gotten her caught. As of yet, she hadn’t seen one missing ad for her or really any cops coming through. Maybe…just maybe her mother had given up on her. All the same, Yamada couldn’t risk that so that’s why he called her his fiancée. That’s it. Smiling back at him, her heart settling, she replied: “Yes, Yama?”   
  
“Will you marry me?”   
  
Oh. 

All she could do was stare at him for a moment. What? Would…would she marry him? What did that mean? “I…I don’t know if I necessarily understand the question.”   
  
“It’s kind of a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question, babe” Yamada said dryly. “If it pleases you to, would you marry me? I don’t think it begins to matter but if we’re going to live together and you’re having my child, I would want you to be my wife. _But_ it’s up to you. We’ll have to get you a fake pseudonym or something but if it’ll help you fall off the map…maybe you’d be okay doing that as Yagami Dana.”   
  
…Yagami Dana. Yagada. 

Shaking, overwhelmed with the concept that she had the power to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to something to do with her fate, Dana gazed into his earnest face. All…all she was doing was making his life hell. They didn’t know yet how bad it could get or what they’d do to him if they found out where she was. And marrying him? Why, that’d…that’d be such a smack in the face… 

Dana swallowed hard as he started to look nervous. She faltered over and over because of what other’s wanted or what they expected of her. She’d wanted to be with Yamada this whole time, he asked, and here she was struggling. She already told herself they could do this. 

“Yes.”   
  
Yamada stared before his eyes widened. “…Yes?”   
  
“Yes. I’ll marry you.”   
  
“…O-Oh.”   
  
‘Oh’? “You asked!” she proclaimed, incredulous, “What? Were you just joking?!”   
  
“Of _course not._ Just…just still…can’t believe…a girl like you…”   
  
Dana frowned as he trailed off before gripping his hair, the skin around his eyes tightening. What? “Yama…?”   
  
“I…I can only imagine what the Kamaishi wedding ring looked like. I…I can offer you so little, Dana. So…so very little…”   
  
But…he’d given her _everything_. All of this…this was all him. Yes, she may have gotten him into a good job and on the track to school but this outcome was his steadfast hard work. They had an apartment of their own now and money for food. She was _free_ and their child was safe. Here he was at risk to himself and he was concerned about what ‘little’ he could give her…? 

Dana began to tell him this, to knock into that blond head of his that he was the best thing to ever happen to her. Instead, he took her hand and slipped on a gold band with a diamond. “Huh…it…it fits like a glove.”   
  
Gazing at her hand, at the symbol of a bond but a bond she’d chosen, Dana felt her eyes burn. “B-Baka…it’s…it’s beautiful and it’s perfect. I love it.”   
  
“Oi, oi, stop that” Yamada droned, blushing himself as he took her hand, “I-I’m glad you like it though. It’s a family heirloom and…and it’s good it’s finally on someone’s hand again.” 

She bit her lip as her head started to swim around everything that was happening. A new place to live, a baby, _engaged by choice_ … 

“I-I’ll save a little extra so-so, um, we can have a small wedding. M-Maybe the girls can help you get a dress” Yamada stammered, his hand warm. 

A…A dress. “Y-Yama, I-I-do you want a traditional Japanese wedding with a kimono?”   
  
“Uh…I wouldn’t _mind_ but…” he drawled quietly, “…Kimonos are a little out of my price range right now. I’m so sorry.”   
  
Dana squealed, horrified, “No, no, Yamada, I-I wasn’t asking for that—I just—I want to make my gown, is all. I-I just want to make sure you didn’t want a kimono.”   
  
Her…her fiancé seemed bewildered by the mere idea. “You wear exactly what you want, Dana. Whatever it is, I know it’ll look good on you.” 

…Yay. “W-Where will we have it?”   
  
“…That, I don’t know. And it’ll be difficult to have it look legal without giving your name. I’m…I’m going to have to call in a favor soon. But…oh, your grandpa’s place? Is…is there a place there we can have the wedding?”   
  
She gaped, startled. “…That’s perfect, Yamada! There’s this beautiful waterfall—the local legend says there’s a goddess there and she’ll bless you with fortune!” 

“Dunno about all _that_ but sounds like a good a place as any. Let’s keep it small and only invite people we know we can trust, okay?” 

Oh, she’d have to try to invite Harumi and Zann. She had to run off before they could contact her but maybe she’d be able to track them down through Kari. Oh! Kari and Mina! Tep, Jum, and Roller…and The Photographer. She wanted pictures of her own wedding, after all. And…and Shin. 

…That…was a rather small crowd, considering. No parents whatsoever either. 

Swallowing, she smiled as Yamada helped her on the back of his bike. That was neither here nor there though. They were starting over on their own. 

They were on their way down a path she fathomed impossible. She was marrying who she wanted. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_“So you’ve moved to North Wasaba and getting married.”  
  
Yagami Yamada sat in one of the two remaining cars Izumi Craig had, both smoking a cigarette. That was the one thing that made Dana nauseous and vomit so Yamada was making a really conscious effort to quit. Alas, having smoked since he was eleven, it wasn’t quite the picnic he was hoping for. He could feel his agitation over the stupidest of s—t and he wanted to smack himself. For his girl though. _

_Craig would be leaving soon, college starting in the United States for him, so Yamada called him as soon as they had their phone hooked up. While Yamada would expect Craig to actually think about the insanity that Yamada inadvertently caused, his fellow ‘hafu’ agreed and told him he’d pick him up. Craig had been quite confused when Yamada gave him new coordinates._

_The blond exhaled softly, slowly shaking his head, “…Wow, man.”  
  
“I’m trusting you with this, Izumi. You have more ties to Dana’s family than I probably know about--”   
  
Craig scoffed, “Gimme a break, man. The Kobayashi Family is rich as f—k but they’re a sorry ass lot. No offense to your…fiancée. She’s a nice girl but that’s a miracle coming out of that brood.” _

_“I get that, just…I need to be careful. She’s carrying my child and I don’t want to have to kill anyone” Yamada muttered._

_“Married, moved into your own place, and going to have a kid” Craig whistled, “You got the whole family life down fast there.”_

_Yea right. He was going to have a baby and a wife. This was not what he was expecting in the least one year ago and to say he was expecting it this quickly would be a lie._

_After they got back to West Wasaba, he left her with Kari and Mina and just went back to work until the others got off. Souma was pleased he found a place so easily and that it was going to make Dana’s life less complicated. Admittedly, Yamada was kind of excited himself. A…a new place. A better place._

_So after he got home, the whole gang and then some had gathered to help him move. Some he knew were just there to see his new place while others wanted to genuinely help but that was neither here nor there. He would never drag another mattress down five flights of steps by himself again, that was all he knew._

_Shin had come but he wasn’t very useful as he just loitered in the corner quietly. Everyone else was gushing over their awesome apartment and insistent he throw at least one party. Dana had been excited about that prospect but he wasn’t sure how fun a party for a pregnant lady was. But…whatever made her happy he could be on board with._

_So shock number two was telling everyone he’d asked Dana to marry him. Mina and Kari, whom had resigned him to being ‘Dana’s man’, had gushed while his other…partners seemed dismayed. The guys were incredulous and, good ol’ Shin, he dragged him aside and gave him a good talking to._

_“Marriage? This quick? Man, this is nuts!”  
  
Around that present, it was common to think that marriage was necessary when accidentally impregnating a woman so the man could make an ‘honest woman of her’. Yamada was no different and wanted to do the right thing by her. Of course, he…also just wanted to marry her so at least he got a few points. “I love my girl, Shin.” _

_“Ugh, you’re done in.”  
  
“Will you please come to my wedding?” _

_Somehow Yamada wasn’t even mad or upset that Shin gave him some iffy response like ‘I’ll be busy, probably’. Yamada hadn’t even given him a date nor time. Save it. The girls had been very excited about planning the wedding while the guys just wistfully told him the fun was over. Yea, yea. He told them he wanted them to be there though and they were happy. He’d known Shin since he was a kid._

_Craig currently glanced at him knowingly. “I guess you’re calling in your last favor?”  
  
“Two, if you don’t mind.”   
  
“Give ‘em an inch…”   
  
Yamada leaned back against the leather seats, the soft sounds of Zeppelin drifting through the vehicle. He’d felt a little hectic lately with everything so this moment felt so relaxing. After everyone vacated their apartment, he and Dana just looked at each other. The amount of stuff he had versus the amount of room they had was like setting a pea inside of a refrigerator. They had no couch, no table, no…decorations. Dana tried but…damn. They were sitting on pillows which was fine but that was one luxury he was sort of used to. So much he never thought about…   
  
_

_“It’s easy. I need you to give a letter to Dana’s friend, Harumi. I think she got married so I dunno what surname she’s running under right now.”  
  
“Oh yea, heard all about it. That is easy” Craig agreed. “What’s your second request?”   
  
… “So…remember how Dana’s not technically supposed to be with me?”   
  
“Rings a bell.”   
  
“So…how am I supposed to marry her without ringing any bells that I’m marrying a runaway teenager?” Yamada drawled. _

_Craig’s brow furrowed, inhaling gently before nodding, “Huh, that would be an issue.”  
  
“Yea.”   
  
Rubbing his forehead, Craig sighed, “I can’t do a whole lot to help you with that one, Yamada. That would take some underhandedness from people like my dad and I can tell you he’d probably turn Dana in.”   
  
That’s what he figured. “So it can’t be a legal wedding…”   
  
“No, doesn’t seem so” Craig murmured, “Everything would raise flags to her family, even if she tried to wipe herself off the face of the Earth in legal eyes. I’m sorry.”   
  
“No, no…I was just thinking you might know a way. I’d hate to tell her this is just for show and I really have no legal way to say she’s my wife for the time being. We may as well be having a tea party, for God’s sake.”   
  
Craig shook his head, “It’s the thought that counts, Yamada. If you can’t marry her, marry her, show that’s your intentions. Do the best you can for this wedding and when you’re making all the long bread you give her the best damn wedding and marry her in front of the masses.”   
  
Yamada snorted, finding himself a little flustered, “Dunno about all that…but it’ll have to do for now.”   
  
He handed Craig the envelope he’d been startled by yesterday. Dana had apparently gotten some white parchment and cut it up to make invitations she handwrote herself. Funny how thrifty she already was as a rich kid…Craig reviewed it, seeming confused. “Mineral Town?”   
  
“Mm. Her grandfather lives around there, her…mom’s dad.”   
  
“Ah, the disowned one” Craig mused, “Well, it’s like…a day before I go to America but I’ll make it. Can I bring Kira?”   
  
“Of course.”   
  
“Cool, maybe it’ll get her inspired” he joked, opening the ashtray in the car and tapping his cigarette. _

_And they went for burgers at Nona’s and talked it up for a while. In what had to be a crazy moment, Craig even let Yamada drive his car again. Craig teased that he had to get used to driving cars now, he couldn’t strap a baby to a Harley. S—t! He hadn’t thought about that either!_

_…He’d not known Craig a year and he was committed to coming to his wedding. Shin was probably shooting up right now._

_Thanking Craig for the ride and the help taking Harumi’s invitation to her, Yamada sighed when he went upstairs carrying the burger he got for his pregnant fiancée. She’d been complaining she couldn’t access them anymore and wanted one. Well…his girl was still a lady of simple tastes. A hamburger was still attainable versus the car, couch, and table he had to think about. Oh, and baby stuff._

_He opened the door to his new abode and his eyes widened when Dana squealed, bursting into their bedroom. “Oi, oi! You be careful running around like that!!”  
  
She came back, flushed, “I know, I panicked. I don’t want you to see it.”   
  
Ah, this magical dress she was excited about. Still. “No dress is worth you hurting yourself and the baby, Dana. Just tell me to close my eyes next time.”   
  
“Okay…” she pouted. _

_Yamada handed her the hamburger and she squealed, delighted, upon finding the contents of the brown paper bag. “Thought that’d make my girls happy.”  
  
“It might be a boy” Dana gushed, sitting on the pillow and setting her meal on the box they were using as a surface.   
  
Yamada made a face. He wasn’t as biased as he made himself out to be but a boy in Wasaba, they…they had one of three paths: drug dealer, thief, or destitute. Yes, the girls had the same paths but with any luck they’d either find a job or marry out of this sh--thole. Something just happened to the males here where that just wasn’t an option and he wasn’t confident he could raise his son to surmount that. _

_He stretched out to start studying while Dana ate and watched television. It was about all she could do as of right now…about an hour later, he noted she skipped to their bathroom to apparently brush her teeth before returning to kneel beside him. Oh no._

_Swallowing as she rubbed his back, Yamada tried to construct a denial as she kissed his neck. He knew it was possible to have sex with a pregnant woman but he was a little squeamish. Her tongue slipped between his lips and he knew he had to stop it now if he wanted to… abstain._

_Yamada smiled awkwardly and nudged his soon to be wife gently. "So Dana, how are the wedding preparations going? Aside from the dress."_

_Dana frowned, sitting up on her haunches, "Well, I'm concerned about food and getting everyone there. It's not like the beach trip where we could take the bus."_

_"How much are ferry tickets?"_

_"Oh, cheap. Ten pieces a person."_

_His nose wrinkled, "Give me some credit, baby. How many are we having at the wedding? Twenty people?"  
  
_

_"Uh...forty" Dana droned, looking away._

_"Pardon? I don't even know forty people!" Yamada exclaimed, sitting up himself now._

_  
Dana waved her hands, "Well, Kari was saying the more people, the better, so she listed off a lot   
of people you knew." _

_Again, didn't even know forty people. Demanding she name off these forty people he supposedly knew, Dana listed them off rather cleanly. Yamada swallowed when she named 'Shin'. "He's not coming, he already told me."_

_"Oh Yama, he was just being a baby" Dana assured, "I called him and asked him to come, that it was going to be midday and over in time for him to get back to whatever it is he supposedly 'needs' to do."_

_Oh, so Dana asks, it was all gravy! Annoyed, he fell onto his back and rubbed his face. "Dana...you know I love you, right?"_

_"Mm? Yes...I love you too" she whispered._

_He glanced at her between his splayed fingers. Wait, really? "...I don't believe we discussed your end."_

_Dana glared, blushing, "Of course I love you, baka. Probably before you loved me!"_

_"Woah, woah, you don't know that" he sulked, flustering himself, "A-Anyway, I was just going to say...I couldn't find a way to legitimately get married to you. You know, by law, without your parents finding out with our registering. So...this wedding will really just be for show. I...I hope you don't mind because once I'm established, I have every intention of giving you the wedding you deserve."_

_He expected her to have some hang ups to their fictional wedding. However, Dana just blinked. "Oh, were you worried about that? I already got that squared away."_

_...What? "How?"_

_"My grandpa still has some pull in high places despite my awful mother's family. Basically I was able to start a new life under the name of 'Wada Sara' and when we get married our marriage license will say 'Yagami Dana'."_

_...What? "Where did this mysterious 'Wada Sara' come from and where did 'Kobayashi Dana' go?" he demanded, confused.  
  
_

_"Kobayashi Dana still exists but she's AWOL. Wada Sara is from Mineral Town and was born on my birthday with a new identification number. When we get married after my birthday, I'll even be legal! It's going to be perfect."_

_... "Okay."_

_Sighing, having to concede to her...desires because he had to admit she was a genius and that was kind of sexy, Yamada started to ponder taking on a quick gig to cover manageable food and drinks for these 'forty' people he 'knew' as well as transportation. Shouldn't be too bad as long as they just served rice and vegetables. Dana smiled once she got off, saying they should have hot pot with some beef and chicken. "Grandpapa got us a deal. Just five hundred pieces for at least ten pounds of both."  
  
_

_Holy crap, who were they feeding? But nine hundred pieces for a wedding and the apparent thousand he'd have to pay for the minister was probably just a day painting houses. Dana, excited, told him not to peek at either of their outfits. Couldn't even see the monkey suit he was wearing, huh?  
  
_

_He smiled as she giggled, hugging his waist. Oh well. Cars, baby stuff, couches, weddings...it was worth it._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

"Here, son." 

Very few people wanted to claim any sort of parentage to him so he got a little caught off guard when Souma Bryant addressed him as such. Yamada glanced behind him, standing in a farmhouse to dress for his...wedding. Still so...surprising.   
  


When they arrived with their entourage which grew to about, oh, fifty, Yamada was astonished by this place. It was just so open and empty. There were a few shops here and there but compared to the city he was used to, it just felt so desolate. Dana had been ecstatic about it but the Wasaba band was overwhelmed. There weren't even roads.   
  


Somehow he forgot that they were going to be using, oh, her grandfather's land meaning he was going to meet at least one of her relatives. Her grandfather wasn't very old in the scheme of things, in his fifties with brown hair and a mustache. Wearing overalls and a grungy old henley, the man surveyed him pretty apprehensively at first. Who was this hafu marrying his pretty grandbaby?   
  


"Grandpa" Dana gushed, "This is my Yamachin. He's the one Dr. Souma was telling you about." 

"Oh, the doctor!" 

Huh. Well, guessed his potential doctorhood gave him some points for some people. Alas, that wasn't purely enough. Yamada was only going to get a pass if he...milked a cow. 

  
Shin and his supposedly asshole friends almost died there by their own amusement while he tried to figure out what the hell he was even doing. First, when did cows get this big? Second, why did it have twenty tits? 'Grandpa' showed him how to do it once and told him he had to figure it out. What exactly was this supposed to prove in regards to Dana? He was pretty sure this wasn’t anything the man wanted him doing to his granddaughter. 

  
_“Oh…oh, this…this made it all worth it”_ Shin had choked, wiping his eyes. 

  
Ugh. Somehow he managed to get the milk coming out into the bucket, pretty sure he’d never drink milk again now. Grandpa told him next he needed to ‘shear a sheep’ and then pull weeds. Sounded like ol’ grandpa just needed _free work_. 

  
A sweaty mess and disgruntled after having to harvest some tomatoes and corn, Yamada received a seal of approval. _“Figured a city slicker type might have given up.”_

_  
_ …Oh. Well, he wanted to but he didn’t want to look like a wuss in front of Dana’s gramps. Guessed his own issues helped him along. 

So now after a nice shower, he was dressed in a linen tunic and a suede vest. He was thinking Dana would want him in some fancy tuxedo but this was pretty lowkey… 

He was getting married. 

Souma was smiling. “While even my mother married at seventeen, Yamada, I think this is particularly young to marry, especially with what you have to do to practice medicine. However, you have been owning your responsibilities and have still been a model employee. I’m proud of you.”   
  
“Thank you, Souma, I appreciate it” Yamada murmured.   
  


… “If I may dare ask, how did my mother respond to this information?”   
  
Souma made a very dismayed face. “…Not gracefully. I’ll admit, Yamada, your relationship with your mother is a psychologist’s goldmine. She was basically livid.”   
  
“It’s complicated.” That was pretty much all he had for the matter. 

“Perhaps it wasn’t the way she’d want you to go about it…”   
  
Yamada really didn’t want to talk about it. “My mother never wanted me to marry, Dr. Souma, or have a fulfilling relationship. She sees them as trapping or too volatile. My mother believes in stability and that’s why she doesn’t get committed; commitment is unstable in her eyes because she doesn’t know what will happen. Not committing means she isn’t tied down. Me having a baby? Getting tied down and tied down to a life that apparently she very much regrets giving me.” 

  
Souma frowned, “…I guess that doesn’t help my case much, huh?”   
  
Chuckling some, Yamada shook his head, “You’re a bit of an enigma, Souma. You’re the one person I’ve ever seen my mom that committed to. Even she can realize when something’s special.”   
  
“Not treating her son that way.”   
  
Mm. Souma suddenly handed him an envelope and Yamada was instantly filled with dread. “ _Souma_ …”   
  
“I will have no complaining. It’s for your and Dana’s safety” Souma scolded.   
  
Eh? Perplexed, Yamada opened the envelope and, well, it was _exactly_ what he thought it was so what did it have to do with Dana and his safety? “30,000 pieces is a nice safety net of money, Souma, but--” 

“No-o-o” Souma interjected, “That is for you to get a _car_. A car to safely transport your soon to be wife to her prenatal appointments and your baby to its appointments.”   
  
_OH_ . Yamada gaped a little. He… “I…I am concerned about that, Souma, and-and I would hate to accept this large a present from you bu-but…” 

  
“You know what your family needs and you know that even if you reject this check, a car may show up at your door regardless” Souma said dryly.   
  
“…Thank you, Souma.”   
  
It was a little awkward to hug the guy because he really hadn’t even embraced his mother that much. She wasn’t the affectionate type and it kind of rubbed off on him. Just…that wasn’t the sort of father he wanted to be so he ought to try to rectify that now. And Souma was more of a parent than anyone else had ever been. 

Dana wanted to get married by some hot spring dealy because of the whole goddess legend thing. However, the minister got kind of uppity and declared the thing way too pagan. Okay? It was their wedding? But, well, Dana said the beach was pretty too. 

  
And it was, he thought as he stood there after walking with his male entourage. He was a little concerned about the walk for Dana since she’d been up since four in the morning already. Her grandfather was going to let her ride a white horse. Man, this was getting crazy fantastical. 

  
“You can still back out, you know?”   
  
Ah, good ol’ Shin. Once his amusement died down he went back to being cranky. Yamada’s eyes narrowed as he kept scratching his arms. He would probably have to go sneak behind the beach restaurant and take his ‘medication’ soon. “Shin, I’m going to marry Dana. Pretend to be happy for me.”   
  
He fell quiet. “…She’s a good girl. Real swell.”   
  
“Yea.”   
  
“And you’re dealing with Hisakawa and Hisakawa associates with her former fiancé. Conflict of interest?”   
  
Yamada almost inhaled his nose he snorted so loudly. “The conflict of interest will be if I see that son of a bitch again and I end up punching in his face. I promise you, Shin, his ass better stay out of sight or I will kill him.”   
  
“More like he’ll kill _you_! All that smart talk and you’ve knocked up his fiancée?”   
  
“ _My_ fiancée. I actually asked Dana, she agreed. This is the _right_ way to do things and Domo and I are squared as long as he stays on his side of the tracks and I stay on mine. Until I move up again, that is.”   
  
“You’re some kind of stupid, Yagami” Shin sniffed, shuffling off to do presumably what Yamada thought. 

  
Yea, says the guy injecting a drug into his arm now to not even get high but to be normal. Yamada absently watched as Craig came onto the beach with Kira. Sad when it seemed a guy he just met was his safer bet. 

  
“Yagami! Nervous, man?” Craig questioned, shaking his hand.   
  
“Not particularly” Yamada admitted, “Not about getting married anyway. Just everything else to go with it.”   
  
Craig nodded, “I understand. I couldn’t really think of anything to get you but Kira pointed out dinnerware is good. Boring s—t but you’re heading into Familytown anyway.”   
  
“Sh—t-t-t, are you kidding? We’re eating off complimentary Doraemon plates” Yamada groaned, “Thank you.”   
  
With a laugh, Craig shook his head, “Glad to be of service then, jeez.”   
  
Kira gave him a bit of a look before nodding shortly to acknowledge him…before going over to the other Wasaba bunch. What? Yamada’s brows furrowed and Craig scratched his head. “…She’s got some sort of complex, I think. That you’ve picked the pretty rich girl instead of a Wasaba girl didn’t really jive with her.”   
  
Um. “I’m sorry but…are you not the pretty rich boy that she’s dating right now?”   
  
“Yea, makes you wonder about our future, doesn’t it?” Craig mused a little _too_ thoughtfully. 

Yamada stared at him blankly, “…How did you two meet again?”   
  
“Well…I used to smoke a lot of pot, right?”   
  
“Oh, this is going to be good.”   
  
“So I was smoking with some of my guy friends and they were saying they had some kind of hook up over here. I was all into it, man, and we were smoking it at this guy’s apartment in East Wasaba. About five joints later, I woke up in an alley in _North Wasaba_ by myself. You know, I got my wallet taken and I didn’t have a piece to my name so I was hustling up some change. Then, I saw her and I thought, ‘damn, she’s pretty’ and here I was, no money to my name and coming off this crazy weed trip. So, I went up to her, told her what happened, and that if she knew where I could access a phone, I’d be grateful.”   
  
… “…Seriously?”   
  
“Yep.”   
  
Yamada had about a thousand questions and a half, most of them ‘how does that lead to dating?’ but the women’s procession took his attention instead. He quickly told Craig they would most definitely be resuming this conversation later before rushing to the priest. Okay. 

He noted a lot of the girls coming with the group looked dismayed. They probably thought he’d have backed out by now and that they were on the last precipice before it was finalized probably was driving them nuts. Shin returned to shake his head and Kira seemed pretty dismayed. Wonderful to have a wedding party of _disapproval._

But… 

Dana probably had taken horseback lessons or something, a symbol of affluence. He would have probably fallen off and looked like an idiot. For as much as he was thinking that her riding a white horse onto a beach was the level of cheese from a drama, the wildflowers around the horse’s neck and in Dana’s hair and her rosy face…he supposed, since it was her, it seemed less cheesy and more whimsical. He’d…not had much whimsy in his life. 

Her grandfather helped her off. Harumi, Kari, and Mina were around her as they got closer, throwing white flower petals at her. She laughed, waving at them to ‘quit it’… 

Was there some irony that with her here things were so positive? Everything around her seemed to flourish. Kari and Mina probably would’ve been like the rest of the people behind him not that long ago if she didn’t reach out to them too. The people behind him…they wished he didn’t have any of this. 

Yamada smiled as Dana walked toward him, wearing the white lace with slouched sleeves and carrying more white flowers. White…was the color of death. That was what he’d always kind of thought when he saw other countries with their brides adorned in white. He read there it meant purity. Here…it meant the end. 

But, perhaps in a way, it was. It was the end of his days drinking and partying until five in the morning. It was the end of his days working dead end jobs. It was the end of sleeping with women he merely lusted for. It was the end for his mother because she had wanted him to fail. 

It was the end of all the negatives and probably the start of new ones. Just, for the first time in his life, that wasn’t all there was. He had so many positives to look forward to. His schooling, his career, his baby… 

…And his wife. 

This was the new story of his life. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

  
… _It was a beautiful wedding._

_Dana was giggling, dancing around the bonfire that they started while they played Bowie and Queen on the tape player. Yamada was having a beer with the guys, having made Craig start the story over so all of them can hear it. Save Shin, it was pretty hilarious to them. It was crazy antics for a rich guy but Kira begrudgingly confirmed it._

_Souma was speaking with Dana’s grandfather, the two the ‘elders’ of the affair. Some of the townfolk came to look at them but that was about it. It…it was nice. The light fluffy cake someone had made, the refreshing fruits, and the seafood along with the meats secured. It was a perfect affair._

_…His wife._

_She skipped up to him, patting her stomach and saying the baby was very content with the food they’d had. Sometimes he wondered if there was a baby, really. The guy didn’t do any sort of diagnostic testing, just staring at her genitals and seeing she put on some weight. Something for Souma to do, he supposed…_

_But it didn’t begin to matter. He smiled and kissed her forehead, telling her to take it easy even if the baby was happy. Her deep eyes gazed up at him and frankly he wanted to take her home right now. It was starting to get late._

_“Yamada.”  
  
He looked over his shoulder when Souma appeared. “Oh…are you leaving already?”   
  
“Already?” he snickered, “It’s 11. I’m an old man, you know?”   
  
_

_Hardly. However, he took Yamada aside and crossed his arms. “I want you to secure that car as soon as possible, Yamada, and bring Dana in for a checkup. I did a small one today and she’s in good shape but I need to do a little more to make sure she and the baby are healthy.”  
  
_

_Right. “I’ll go shopping for one tomorrow. Um, if it’s okay, can I leave my bike at your place? I really only get one spot so…”  
  
“That’s fine” he assured before glancing back at Dana who was speaking to Shin, “…I know what the honeymoon entails, Yamada.” _

_Oh God. Souma gave him a look, “I don’t know if she’s…delicate right now so I would recommend refraining from intercourse as much as possible.”  
  
_

_Yamada scratched the back of his head, flustering, “There…there’s no problems on this end with that, doc, just…the missus can be pretty damn convincing.”  
  
Souma smirked, patting his shoulder, “I don’t expect you to abstain, Yamada, I just expect you to take it easy until I get a look at the situation. I know you can do that much.”   
  
He nodded in agreement and Souma smiled. “Congratulations, Yamada. You’re going to do well.”   
  
_ Possibly. 

Yamada made a face as he drove the Toyota Celica into the spot in front of his apartment. It wasn’t even a _neat_ Toyota Celica. It was like the standard one. However, he wasn’t _five_ and going to deny that having a vehicle with A/C was all sorts of amazing. And he was able to take Dana to see Souma. 

Maybe two days after their wedding, he drove her in the dead of night to avoid all potential risk to Souma’s clinic. Dana got all the testing and whatnot and, yes, she was pregnant. He…he was going to be a dad. 

However. 

_“Yamada…I won’t conclusively say it was due to her mother but Dana’s not exactly the most…stout person.”  
  
What? “I…don’t understand.”   
  
Souma was reviewing the records the next day while Yamada was working, having come to speak to him privately. “Her bone density is low. She’s anemic. She has gained weight due to the baby but her underlying weight is very questionable. She really doesn’t have all her essential vitamins. I’m concerned.”   
  
_

_This was NOT what Yamada wanted to hear. “What do I need to do for her, doc? Just say the word and I’ll get it.”  
  
“Prenatal vitamins should do the trick for everything she’s low in. Stress calcium, definitely, to get her stronger. I’d hate for her hip to dislocate for the baby. If it’s not better by the nine month mark she may need to have a C-section.”   
  
God. “So…vitamins, milk and dairy products, and feed her.”   
  
“And I have to recant. You may want to abstain for at least a month or two.”   
  
A…WHAT or two? “I…a month? Two?”   
  
Souma gave him a look as he almost gawked. He was damn MARRIED. Dana and him nailed more than that when they weren’t even having sex! “Yamada, you need to get stronger and while I’m not saying sex will ‘break’ her, it may be a little more intensive than she needs at present. She’s young, she’ll recover quickly. But for right now, tell her to relax, eat well, get her vitamins and rest, and she should be perfectly steady to go in a month or two.”   
  
She was so hot though! “Doc, I…I am a thousand percent for taking care of my wife, you know that, but…”   
  
A month or two. They’d BOTH need chastity belts. Souma blinked languidly, “…If you MUST, just once a week.”   
  
Okay! He could work with that! _

He thought. 

Yamada wasn’t certain…what got into Dana. Perhaps all the oppressed sexual feelings she had. Before, yes, they were starting to explore them but…now? 

Opening the door to his apartment, he actually recoiled when Dana rushed to greet him. “Welcome home, Yamachin!”   
  
If it were literally just her greeting him, he’d be fine. Her greeting him in the low cut all lace negligee? Not helping his goal in the least. They’d already _had_ their once for the week! 

  
“H-Hi!” he sputtered, probably uncharacteristically loud as he tried to compose himself. 

“Did you have a good day at school?” she asked, hugging him. 

Her boobs were so nice, he thought, pretty much mesmerized. Just so round and supple and spectacular… _no_. “U-Uh, it-it was good. L-Learned stuff, haha!”   
  
He gave her an innocent kiss on the cheek and quickly tried to escape to the bathroom. “Wait, are you hungry?”   
  
“N-Not particularly right now. U-Um, did you eat?”   
  
She nodded, staring at him expectantly. Stay strong, Yamada. “Good, good. Um, le-lemme get in the shower and we c-can go to sleep.”   
  
“Sleep?” she pouted, “Let me wash your back.” 

“No, no, no!” he waved his hands, quickly backing toward the bathroom, “I-I can wash my back, i-it’s probably gro-gross with sweat and stuff. Y-You should go get under the covers, u-uh, your-your nippl-- _body_ seems cold!”   
  
Pure genius, dumbass, Einstein will give you a medal. Yamada closed the door and locked it, groaning as he leaned over the sink. He wasn’t going to make it. Dr. Souma didn’t know what having a sexy significant other was, he had the crazy bitch instead. Maybe if he took this long _necessary_ shower she’d be asleep when he got out. 

And _nope_. Yamada smiled weakly as Dana was very much waiting for him, lying in bed in all her seductive glory. She patted the spot next to her. “Come to bed, Yamachin.”   
  
Eject, Yamachin. “Uh, sweetie…”   
  
He yelped when she grabbed the band of his pants and dragged him toward her. No, no, this…this wasn’t going to do. “Baby, um, I-I’m kind of tired.”   
  
At least that gave her a pause…before looking at him all sultrily. “I can do the work for you.”   
  
Oh…the cosmos gave him the best wife ever but _no_. “Baby, that’s-that’s no fair to _you_ though--” 

“I don’t mind.”   
  
Yamada groaned as she pulled him into bed and jerked him out, stroking him. “D-Dana.” 

Alas, it was all downhill when she went down on him and next thing he knew he was hip deep inside of her. Okay, so…twice this week. Next week they’d just skip! No big deal. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_“Yamada.”_

_He’d met his match._

_He’d avoided all the peer pressures of taking cocaine and heroin when all signs pointed to that to make him forget his sometimes deep depressions in life. He avoided selling drugs despite that being the ‘easy’ way. He avoided relationships because he knew he had little to offer, until now, at ease. He was stubborn to a T. No one could convince him otherwise if he set his mind to it._

_Until now. Until Yagami Dana became his wife._

_Yamada buried his face in his hands at work, feeling the disapproving look of his pseudo-father bearing down on him. Two weeks. Two weeks they’d had sex every single day. Did people do that? Even his not married friends were jealous, they didn’t get laid THAT much. And he wasn’t trying to, for once! Dana was just his little horny spouse right now that had him so twisted around her finger he was actually kind of horrified. He called her his spine once but he wasn’t under the impression she’d replaced it with puppet strings._

_“Yamada, perhaps this bit of knowledge went a little over your head…” Souma said, leering, “To ‘abstain’ means NOT TO.”  
  
UGH. “Doctor, really, I-I know. And I tried to explain to her the reasons but she won’t have it!”   
  
“Well, of course not! Any way you word it it’s going to sound like you’re saying she’s ‘too weak’ for something and who likes that, huh?”   
  
_

_Man. Yamada brows rose, shaking his head, “…If you didn’t tell me, doc, I’d think she’s strong as an ox.”  
  
Souma smirked some, sighing, “Women aren’t the fragile beings us men make them out to be. Physical differences, yes, but the fact of the matter is she’s carrying another human being. She’s stronger than us…but I’m more concerned about her age.”   
  
Yamada did feel a little awkward sometimes being married to a sixteen year old, especially when he noticed she was…taller than before. Naturally there was literally nothing wrong with that and it meant she was healthy in some aspect but…she was still growing. Ultimately he was still too but he was about to hit his roadblock. She still had three, four years to go. Her face had gotten trimmer too…he was married to someone still developing! _

_Scratching his face, Yamada took a deep breath. “…My mom had me. I doubt she had any problems.”_

_“Your mother is stronger than an ox, Yamada, and whatever’s stronger than an ox too. Dana has periodically been starved and you have told me on several occasions she’s fainted. She’s got to rebuild her immune system which I’m sure you’re doing a splendid job of. When she comes for her next checkup, I’m sure her vitamin levels will be great.”  
  
Right…right. He…he was trying to feed her well. Just… _

_He went to their apartment and found Dana dressed in her old clothes. He’d…he’d like to get her stuff she liked to wear. And maternity clothes would be the next expense. She smiled at him, thankfully for non-seductive reasons this time. “Hi, Yamachin. Do you want to eat first?”  
  
“No, no, I’m okay” he smiled some, kissing her, “What did you have today?”   
  
“Mm, the vegetable hot pot with chicken. It’s really good! You should have some when we get back.”   
  
“Yea, maybe if I have the energy.”   
  
Dana asked, as it were a Friday, if they could go see the posse in West Wasaba. Kari and Mina hadn’t made the move just yet and of course there were the others…he didn’t expect to be this separated, honestly, they were, at most, fifteen minutes apart. _

_He was always reluctant taking the car into West Wasaba just because it…just wasn’t the thing to do. They got stolen and hotwired. The radio was prime time too. When they arrived, he told Dana to go into the apartment and paid a passing acquaintance who was hanging on the corner to watch it for him. He…had to be careful though._

_When he caught up, Dana was already in the midst of things with the others. She’d asked him if she could drink and he’d advised that it wasn’t a good idea for the baby. He’d been reading some case studies for school and a few years back they found that babies subjected to alcohol had defects. It scared her senseless and she’d poured out all the liquor. Yamada had been a WEE bit irritated about that as he could drink and it wasn’t like looking at alcohol would hurt their unborn child but…well, without it there he wasn’t thinking about it and if he weren’t thinking about it he was saving money._

_Sitting on the couch, quite frankly exhausted, he smiled some as people came over to him. Some people he’d known a long time gave him weird looks and said he wasn’t looking so good. Oh? Hadn’t noticed._

_Ole sat beside him, offering him a cigarette. No, no, didn’t…need that habit anymore either. “No thanks, man, appreciate it though.”  
  
Of course Ole didn’t know he was turning it down because he was trying to kick the stick so he lit up, tantalizing him. “You doing all right, man? I mean, you look kind of…I dunno, pale or something. Or tired.”   
  
“I worked today” Yamada explained, actually surprised himself he was almost falling asleep. _

_The fellow shook his head, “Nah, it’s more than that. You guys getting enough to eat over there?”  
  
And bingo. _

_Yamada squeezed the bridge of his noise, feeling nauseous. He had plenty of money, really. The apartment was cheap, the utilities were looking good for now as they just opened a window or used a fan, and insurance on the car was cut rate but he was cautious. He had PLENTY._

_Except, Shin._

_He looked up when the person in question staggered around the room, gaunt and pale. It was becoming clear to Yamada that the guy wasn’t even taking the money anymore, he was using the supply and now Yamada was paying out of the ass for him. Fine, a thousand pieces was a lot but he could manage that. When it was three thousand and steadfastly hitting three fifty? No, that…that was where it was starting to hurt._

_So, he shopped and took small proportions for himself of their meals so Dana could have the bulk. God help him, he would not see his wife nor baby hungry, no matter what it took._

_Alas, it wasn’t as if he wasn’t a busy guy. He worked for eight hours then went to school every day for three. That was twelve hours and he was eating like a half a bowl of rice and a small portion of egg for breakfast. He’d take a slice of bread for lunch. He…did feel really weak. His precious wife though? She couldn’t know that. The last thing he’d want her to feel was guilt for this. This…this wasn’t her fault._

_Shin glowered at him a bit, walking over and said they had to go for their ‘walk’. Terrific. Ole, unknowing, suggested he go too but Yamada asked he keep an eye on his wife instead. “Don’t let her get a hold of any pot.”  
  
Ole laughed, “You got it.”   
  
As they were heading for the door, Yamada yelped when arms suddenly wrapped around him from behind. Oh jeez. “Yama, where are you going?”   
  
Smiling quickly, he turned to his wife and pet her hair. “We’ll be back soon, babe. Don’t worry.”   
  
Dana looked at him pleadingly, her big dark eyes fearful. She’d always been against this, of course, but understandably she was more against it now. She got to hear more things living in Wasaba about where he was going and it was attached to her former fiancé. She feared for him and…and he did need to get out of this. It didn’t even have to involve anything to do with Hisikawa or Shin, he could just be in a random gang shootout. _

_“C’mon, Yamada” Shin coughed, rubbing his arms._

_…Who…exactly was he doing this for?_

_Hamasaki-san asked him, when he was a child, to make sure Shin stayed out of trouble and alive. Yamada had done that steadfastly ever since. It fell apart because Shin was obstinate…a dumbass, really. Yamada couldn’t be expected to keep throwing money into a black hole. He could support Shin but not like this. Not when it came at the stake of his family._

_…His family._

_Giving Dana a kiss, a sick feeling hitting his heart when the thought briefly crossed his mind that maybe he wouldn’t get to ever again, he squeezed her hand and went anyway. He thought he could do both. That was the problem. His whole life had been trials and juggling the overwhelming tasks given to him. He considered himself a master and there was the issue. He thought he could surmount this._

_…When was the breaking point though? When did it all fall?_

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

“What?!”   
  
Yagami Dana gawked as Mina and Kari sat on the pillows in the apartment, still without…really, any furniture. She was serving them tea from the set someone gave them at the wedding, at least. However, that wasn’t the news that had her incredulous. 

She thought everything was great. Wonderful, really. She had her chosen husband and her own home. He got her pregnancy books she was reading and also books for her fashion design. Her new thing right now was learning to hem pants. It might be useful somewhere, she figured. 

All the same, she began to notice Yamada was…worn down. More worn down than he was prior to their marriage. He was doing the exact same things except the only difference was they were living together completely. She’d started to panic and think maybe she was nagging him too much. Maybe she was bothersome. She…she thought they were great together. 

This morning he was super grouchy, barely saying anything to her except some grunts. She…was really upset and called Kari and Mina. The two came over and she lamented to them that he must’ve been against marrying her and regretted all he was doing. He…he should. 

_However_ , they gave her the apparent _real_ reason. “He’s not eating?!”   
  
She’d _noticed_ Yamada wasn’t eating a lot but she hadn’t made too much of it, just thinking he wasn’t very hungry lately or was too busy. She tried to push it but he insisted he was fine! Mina shook her head, “Tep told me. They’d gone to see him at work and he was knocked out in his car. Yamada was his normal elusive self but apparently admitted he’d been cutting back on food to keep food in the house.”   
  
Ugh! Yamada! 

Gnawing her nail, Dana shook her head. “I…I mean, I didn’t think anything of it! I don’t know _all_ of his habits.”   
  
Kari smirked, shaking her head, “Sweetie, if you need to know one thing only, it’s that your hubby is a _giant_ and he’s a hardworking giant at that. Yamada can _eat_.”   
  
Ugh! She was an awful wife! “He could have told me! I can cut back too!”   
  
Mina scowled, “No way, Dana. You and Junior need all the food you can get. It’s the right thing to do which is exactly what I expect from Yamada.”   
  
“Not if he’s passing out at work!”   
  
It was like her mother in a way. She’d starve her for petty reasons like trying to get her trimmer and less voluptuous. Yamada was starving _himself_ so she and the baby could eat well…but he needed to eat _too!_ She wasn’t starving her husband!   
  
“I need a job” Dana grumbled. 

Kari frowned, “But where? You don’t have any exp--” 

Suddenly her eyes brightened, “Oh, hell, I almost forgot, you’re the major clothes designer! Just start selling your stuff again!”   
  
“I thought about it but…Zann is married and whatnot and I don’t have a proper venue for it. That’s what I’d _like_ to do, of course, but maybe I need to be practical” Dana murmured. 

…Practical. She told Yamada to pursue his dreams which he was doing but she…she realized he was somewhat right. For her, it would have to be the realistic route. 

“I dunno” Kari mused, looking to Mina, “You think Rosie would give her a little side job? I mean, Dana can probably hem clothes all day which would help her out a bunch.”   
  
Rosie? Mina looked thoughtful, “That’s actually a good idea. You’ll have to get by Choco but hell, they shouldn’t be too adverse.”   
  
Dana frowned, hugging her knees, “Um, who are they…?”   
  
“They’re like a four minute walk from here. They’re tailors right now because it was their parent’s family business but they want to open a restaurant instead. However, they’re always butting heads over if they want to cut the business in half or whatever and run the one side with clothes and the other side with food. For right now, they’re clothes.”   
  
“Their shop is called Kaga! You can’t miss it, it’s pink” Kari added.   
  
Pink? Kari sighed gravely as they both stood, “Well, back to the library. You want us to bring you any books?”   
  
“O-Oh, um…if…if you can…” she flustered, twiddling her fingers, “Can-can you see if they have any books or patterns for baby clothes?”   
  
“Aww! Of course, sweetie.” 

She cleaned up the dishes after seeing them out before dressing and putting on her scarf. This was risky because she…she just wasn’t certain who was looking for her. But it’d almost been two months and she hadn’t seen sight or sound of them. They even passed cops sometimes and they didn’t even spare her a glance. 

…Was she free? 

She walked toward the stores and, sure enough, while she had wondered what it was, she hadn’t connected it to ‘seamstress’. Staring through the door, she swallowed. Okay…here goes. 

When Dana entered the store, she yelped to find two blonde women yelling at each other. Oh. “I swear, Choco! Always running around with that-that boy!”   
  
“I sure as hell don’t want to be around here, sewing!”   
  
“I don’t ask you to _sew_ , I ask you to run the register!”   
  
…Well, the dialogue seemed promising. Dana walked around while they failed to notice her and found dress forms with unfinished pieces. There were racks of cute dresses and shirts. They had racks and racks of pants with name cards on them… 

“I’m leaving!” announced the one she supposed was named ‘Choco’.   
  
“Ooh, fine!” Rosie huffed, leering. 

Dana smiled awkwardly when, in some weird silenced moment, the two finally turned to look at her. “U-Um, hello.”   
  
“Oh, hello” Rosie greeted, her mood shifting, “Please, make yourself at home…you must be new to the neighborhood, I know pretty much everyone.”   
  
About to introduce herself, Choco suddenly scoffed, “That’s Yamada’s wife, sis, haven’t you heard?”   
  
_Eh_ ?! She had a reputation?! Rosie appeared surprised, “Oh really?! Wow, I wasn’t expecting that. I’m Wakahisa Bara but you can call me ‘Rosie’. This is my younger sister, Chouko, but we call her Choco.”   
  
“Nice to meet you both. I’m Yagami Dana” she bowed.   
  
Choco huffed, walking off. Eh? Rosie rolled her eyes after her, “Don’t mind her. I’m sure you’re aware your husband is…well, admired around here.” 

“I didn’t know it extended this far out…”   
  
Rosie laughed, smoothing her blue dress, “Definitely! What can I do for you?”   
  
“I-I suppose it’s unorthodox to ask but I-I would like to contribute a little more to the house so-so I was hoping you-you may have some need for an extra hand?”   
  
Rosie’s eyes widened and Dana started to panic. “I-I mean, I know how to sew and I can hem pants! I can reattach buttons and fix tears so they’re hardly noticeable. I make clothes too—I can show you! A-And I-I don’t need _too_ much money, j-just enough for groceries for my husband…”   
  
Her brows furrowed and Dana wasn’t certain what she was thinking. ‘Who was this random stranger busting in here asking for a job?’, perhaps. She crossed her arms and leaned against the equally pink counter. “…This is a family business.”   
  
…Oh. Right. “A-Ah, yes, I--” 

“ _But_ I can’t get my _family_ to help” she groaned, continuing, “I swear, I need to get all those jeans done over there and I’ve gotten to maybe three today running the register and taking in _more_ orders. I guess we could use another hand…”   
  
Really?! Dana felt her pulse race as she went behind the counter and took out a book. She observed it quietly for a few minutes, flipping the pages at random before making a face. “…I can really only offer two hundred a day. Maybe when our output picks up I can offer more. If you want, you can sell some of your wares in the corner to supplement the wages.”   
  
_Really_ ? “I-I can? I-I mean, I would like that a lot!” Dana blurted. 

“Excellent! You can start _today_ if you’d like” Rosie nodded. 

Today?! “I—yes!”   
  
“Welcome aboard, Dana. You’ll probably regret it” Rosie winked. 

…No. Not a bit. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

“You have a _what_?”   
  
Oh…wait. 

Yagami Dana worked from noon to six, so excited. She could sense Rosie’s skepticism in the first hour but for all Dana’s slowness, she was getting the pants done. And, after Rosie surveyed that she’d done them correctly, she was very pleased. “ _I think this is the start of something good, Dana.”  
  
_ Content, she skipped home and started on dinner. Rosie said she’d be paid every Friday and to log her hours in this makeshift book so she could compensate her correctly. A job… 

Yamada walked in around ten as he normally did, exhausted. Her stupid husband. He was eating as much as she wanted him to today! He smiled somewhat and gave her a kiss…with flowers. “Sorry, I was a jerk this morning.”   
  
…Bleh. “Well, that’s fine.”   
  
“No, it’s not” he sighed gravely, shedding his shirt as he headed toward their bedroom, “I’m just a little stressed lately.”   
  
She made his plate and grabbed him a beer which Ole had actually brought by, saying Yamada needed at least a few old comforts. Sure. Setting it on their box, she sat down across from him as he reemerged with his usual white shirt on. Now she knew what that face meant, Dana leered, as he stared at the plate of food woefully. She was through being protected. 

So, she told Yamada she’d gotten a job. 

The blond stared at her like he couldn’t believe what she was saying. “A…A job doing _what_? What did you off and get a job for, huh? Whatever you need, I got it, okay? Just-just give me a little more time to get established.”   
  
Dana didn’t want to damage his pride or whatever this was. BUT. “Yamachin, this…isn’t _entirely_ about you.”   
  
He scowled, dropping his chopsticks, “Then what is it about? If you think you need to go out and work, I’m not providing something.”   
  
She was…briefly fearful because she knew it would anger people like her parents or those that wouldn’t understand. She…wasn’t sure in that second if Yamada would understand. Just, when Mina and Kari suggested this, she was so happy. It was a small start but a beginning all the same to be working with clothes. That was _her_ dream, to be in fashion, and just like him she had to get in somewhere. This was her genesis on top of being able to help in their household. That was her dream. 

Reluctant, she whispered, “I-I never said I wanted to be your housewife, Yamada. I thought Yagada was just an impossible dream because of the prison I was supposed to be in. You…you got me out of that and I’m-I’m grateful, really. Just…just like you becoming a doctor, this…this is my start. And if it makes your life a little easier too then that makes it even more worth it to me. I…I never wanted you to put me on a pedestal, you know that.”   
  
Yamada stared at her hard…before standing, having ate less than he usually did, and walking out of the apartment. She jumped as he slammed the door hard. Ugh. 

She put his food away after cleaning the dishes. Changing into her night clothes, Dana stared at the front door one more time before going to bed. Maybe this time. 

When she crawled into bed, she rubbed her stomach. It was making its appearance now, a small bump on her belly. Her baby… 

She bit her lip. If…she understood her husband, then that was the most of it. She was having his child and he felt he ought to be able to take care of them completely. And he was! He paid for this apartment by himself, their needs, their food—he was the provider right now and with the amount she was going to end up making he’d still be the main source of money! Just… 

…She didn’t want to be an accessory. Not this time. 

Around three, dozing lightly, the door opened. Dana opened her eyes and, just naturally, Yamada wandered in. He looked like he was fresh out of the shower, just wearing boxers. Dana swallowed as he got into bed with his back to her. He was probably exhausted and he had to be at work in a few hours. She…was bothersome. 

“…I went around and found you some slippers. They’re black so they should match anything until we can get something fancier but they’ll give you back support. Just I don’t want you standing on your damn feet all day either. If you’re tired, tell your boss you need to sit. Your lunch is in the refrigerator with your vitamins. Please…remember to take your lunch.”   
  
Dana’s heart skipped. Oh. Snuggling into his back and wrapping her arms around his waist, she whispered, “Thank you, Yamada.”   
  


Her husband held her hand gently and she felt him fall asleep. She kissed the back of his head and couldn’t help smile with genuine joy. A job and a supportive husband? There… 

There were no regrets right now. 

  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_She loves to laugh, she loves to sing, she loves everything._

Dana danced around contently, sewing a tear into frequent customer little Usako’s dress. Rosie was working on the sewing machine on dresses for the shops and Choco was standing by the register, appearing bored. When Dana started four days ago, she found the place…very quiet. She asked, if it were all right, could she bring a radio. Rosie said it would be fine if she kept it low as not to disturb their customers. Fair deal. 

She tried to not stare as some girls were perusing her rack. Over the weekend, she’d made some dresses with Mina and Kari. They were back in business! She even made a little sign to hang that read ‘Yagada’. Her husband helped with that. 

While Yamada was very much still reluctant with the idea of her working, he was really trying at being supportive. “ _I wouldn’t be anywhere near where I am today without your encouragement, Dana, and…and despite me thinking if I was doing better that my wife or…when I wasn’t pissed with her, my mother, wouldn’t have to work a day, that may not be what you want. And you always said you wanted Yagada and I will be behind you a thousand percent, promise.”  
  
_

_Any way you want it, that’s the way you need it. Any way you want it.  
  
_

Her sweetie. She rubbed her belly when she finished her tenth alteration or fix for the day. Her baby was probably a little hungry, she figured, wandering to the book to record her lunch break. Choco shot her a look but Rosie waved as she left to go home. It was easier keeping it cooler there. 

“What would you like today, my sweetie plum?” Dana questioned, looking in their fridge, “We have some of that cheesy potato bacon thing…”   
  
Dana groaned, staring at the dish wrapped in foil. Yamada was just a disheveled mess when, by Wednesday, they were a little tapped out on food as she was _demanding_ he eat. All they had was three potatoes, two pieces of bacon, a half a box of random egg noodles, and a half a chunk of cheese. Dana insisted she could make something out of that and Yamada was skeptical at best. So…she chopped it all up, threw it in a glass casserole pan, and let it go. 

Needless to say, she was mortified. It looked like an absolute _mess_ and just like a hodgepodge of madness. Yamada had stared at it and she felt humiliated to think she was making light of their situation. That was all the food they had and she just mindlessly threw it together. Her husband tried a nibble…before looking stunned. “… _Holy s—t, that’s good.”  
  
“WHAT?” _ How, she’d wondered. And she took a bite and, yes, it was _delicious_. She could tell even the _baby_ was content with the meal. _Fundamentally_ , she was against it ENTIRELY. Yamada said that the recipe was now a member of the family, the baka. 

“Okay, baby, we’ll have some of _that_ concoction. Just a little though, mommy can’t fall asleep at work.” It was _very_ hearty. 

Quickly eating, she headed back to work and started on the jeans with Rosie. The blonde smiled happily. “You are so helpful with this, Dana, you have no idea. Our output is leagues better in just a few days.”   
  
“O-oh, thank you!”   
  


Choco grunted, reading a magazine, “Someone bought a dress and scarf from your rack of ‘Yagada’ over there. I put it in the other drawer.”   
  
Really?! Play it cool, Dana. “O-Oh, neat.”   
  
Choco rolled her eyes, standing, “Let your protégé watch the register while I go eat lunch.”   
  
“Bring me something too” Rosie pouted. 

Her sister waved a hand while Rosie sighed, standing, “I’ll watch the register, Dana, I can probably use a break too. So many patterns.”   
  
“O-Oh, well, I can learn. I want to be more help.”   
  
“More help!” she gasped, “You’re already more help, believe me. Keep on sewing.”   
  
…Yay. As she contently hemmed more jeans, Rosie cleared her throat suddenly. “So you and Yamada are having a baby, I see. Congratulations.”   
  
“Thank you. It’s gotten so big, I’m amazed. I’m only four months along.”   
  
Rosie seemed to be hesitating. “You know, Choco and I share a similar heritage to Yamada. Well, somewhat. Our papa just died and he’d always taken care of us.”   
  
“I’m sorry…”   
  
“Oh, papa was a laugh and a half” Rosie gushed warmly, “Just…you know, we’re German and Japanese and, well…” 

Dana frowned, somewhat wondering where Rosie was going with this. Finally, after some quiet moments, the woman conceded. “Aren’t you concerned about how your baby will be treated?”   
  
…Oh. 

Grimacing, she rubbed her temple and took a deep breath. “I-I am sometimes but I-I hope it’ll be okay, that the world will accept it.”   
  
“Don’t you hope sometimes it’ll look like you?”   
  
This stunned Dana. _“No_! I always think the complete opposite, I know it’ll be adorable and look just like its daddy. I-I know what Yamada’s been through but he’s my _husband_ , he’s the most attractive person in the universe to me.”   
  
For some reason this amused Rosie, “Oh…goodness, you’re…you’re right. That’s everyone else’s problem. Of course you’d want the baby to look like the person you love.” 

Dana was a bit puzzled. What was she _really_ asking? Choco appeared with some bags of what appeared to be bentos. The younger sister looked miffed. “Rosie, I thought _she_ was going to take the register. You always make _me_ take it!”   
  
“Um, because even if Dana’s a little slower at it, she’s precise and pristine. When you do the hemming and stitching , the customer comes back a week later demanding I redo it with a refund” Rosie countered, “If you did it _right_ , I’d be more than willing to let you off the register.”   
  
“Ugh! Neither of us even want to do this, Rosie, we want a _restaurant_. Let’s just gut it and convert!”   
  
Dana looked up nervously. To lose her job this quickly would be…kind of tragic. Rosie appeared nonplussed. “I’ve told you two million times, Choco, we don’t have the money to convert yet. We need to do better with savings and when we do, we can start over. That’s at least a year.”   
  
Okay…she could work with a year. Once the baby came she’d probably have to stay home with it for a while. Working as the two continued to argue, she smiled once the day was done. Ah, now to go make dinner for Yamada and the baby. Or…heat the leftovers. 

“Wait, Dana, it’s Friday!” Rosie called as she went to grab her bag. 

Yes, it was. Dana blinked, confused, as Rosie slipped a thousand pieces into an envelope and placed it with the money from the drawer. “There’s your pay, sweetie. I can’t have you working for nothing around here.”   
  
Really!? Dana shakily accepted her very first payment ever, aside from the deal with Zann, and bowed thankfully. “T-Thank you so much.”   
  
“No problem, pumpkin. Enjoy your weekend!”   
  
Definitely now! Rushing back to the apartment, she eagerly counted the bills. A thousand for the hemming at Kaga’s and four hundred for Yagada. She could go buy groceries! 

…She’d never bought groceries. 

“Wahaha, you’re such a rich kid sometimes, Dana, gosh!”   
  
Dana, flustered, walked with Kari and Mina after calling them to confess she had no idea what she was doing. To think, something as mundane as buying food was a mystery to her. Yamada and everyone that grew up with him probably were cooking at nine-years-old and she didn’t even know really how to purchase ingredients correctly. At least those two were willing even if they were teasing her. It was sort of funny how helpless she was. 

The process took a little longer than she would have liked but it was extremely informative. They showed her how to pick out meat properly and vegetables and how to properly shop bargains. She even got Yamada some discounted beer. Everything totaled up to about four hundred pieces and, should she proportion correctly, they’d last until one of their next checks. 

It…had been one thing to shop with the money her parents gave her but shopping with her own gave her a stronger sense of pride. This was something _she_ earned and wasn’t due to people that made her feel she owed them. It…it was her decision. And when they passed a thrift shop, she _finally_ got them a table with chairs!   
  
“Yeesh, Dana, you went all out. Your whole check is gone” Mina lamented, carrying the groceries. 

“I mean, it wasn’t on anything fun either” Kari pouted, pulling the wagon Dana got for a hundred pieces, thinking she could use that to carry her groceries. Currently she had set her two hundred piece table and two chairs for two hundred in there. They just needed a new coat of paint which she could get from the super and she could cover the table with a cloth. The five hundred piece couch would be delivered tomorrow and, if Yamada had it to spare, they were having a sale on upholstery fabric and she could fix that up nicely too. So…so exciting. 

“Thank you guys _so_ much” Dana rasped once they got inside, clasping her hands, “Will you stay for dinner?”   
  
“Wish we could, babe!” Kari gushed, squeezing Dana’s shoulders, “Soon though, we’ll be completely in the working slash school scene and we need to get more partying out of our system. You should come with!”   
  
“Don’t be ridiculous, Kari, you see Yamada Jr. is getting bigger” Mina scolded. 

Dana pouted, “So the partying is over now?”   
  
“Absolutely” Mina laughed. 

Jeez. Kari grinned, “It’ll be so worth it and I can’t wait to see the little booger. We’ll be moving here in a few months anyway and terrorizing you all the time for food. Get used to the silence now!”   
  
She smiled, nodding, walking the two to the door. She thought it was great they’d be closer and that a lot of Yamada’s comrades were moving along. Then she remembered Shin…then she remembered it was Friday and he was going with Shin to South Wasaba. 

It was traumatic to just hear people at random speak about what went on there. Drug trafficking, human trafficking, rapes, murders, and just…senseless violence. Yes, she’d always been against him going but when she heard people tell personal anecdotes, she…she didn’t want her husband anywhere near there. 

So she made dinner. She read a recipe for yakisoba and prepared that. She got Yamada’s beer icy cold and even dressed for bed before eating. The…room was so quiet. She turned on the television just for something. A silly game show was on. If she watched the news and saw any criminal activity she’d panic. 

Staring at the clock, she bit her lip. Two am? Sometimes he’d stay at the library and do his homework but not on a Friday and not _this_ late. And…even when he had to go out with Shin, he was usually back at midnight at latest. Where was he…? 

…She…needed him here. The baby…it was getting bigger. Life was getting better. He…he had to be here for this. 

“Oi, Dana.”   
  
Jolting, she yelped to find Yamada kneeling beside her in the dark room. What?? Oh, she’d…stretched out on the floor on the pillow watching television. He looked a little irritated. “Sleep in bed. It’s starting to get colder and I don’t want you to get sick.”   
  
… “Where have you been?”   
  
“What?”   
  
“Where have you been?” she demanded, growing angry as she sat up, “It’s three in the morning and I was worried about you. I had no idea where you were.”   
  
Was he serious? She could tell from his face in the television light that he was at least a little drunk. He’d gone _drinking_ , knowing she knew he went to that horrible place tonight? Shin had a _phone_ , he could have damn well called her! Infuriated, she scrambled to her feet and marched to their bedroom. Yamada quickly followed. “H-Hey, I-I was just at Shin’s place, Dana, no big deal. I wasn’t doing anything, I promise.”   
  
“That’s not the _point_!” she snapped, turning to look at him, “You go with Shin to see Hisakawa tonight and I don’t know what could happen to you! For all I know you were dead on the side of street but instead you’ve been and gone and went to drink with your friends! You could have _called_!”   
  
“I have to _call_ to hang out with my friends now?!”   
  
Dana wanted to smack him good. “I don’t _care_ if you go out with your friends! What I care about is you _dying_ , you asshole! I want-I wanted to show you all the things I was able to accomplish today. I-I got us a couch and I got us a table and-and groceries—if you want to be with your friends, _fine_ , but-but I-I can’t—I can’t stand you going there! The baby’s bigger and everything-everything is going so right and if I lose you over that _idiocy--!_ ” 

She started to cry and get dizzy. Again, she was being the stick in the mud to his liberal life. He worked all week, paid for the _important_ things like a roof being over their head—he _should_ be able to be with his friends. But…as long as he was going _there_ , her damned ex-fiance’s domain of crime and suffering… 

Yamada quickly sat her on the bed, stroking her face and kneeling in front of her, “Hey, hey, you’re completely right, I’m sorry. I-I just lost track of time, baby, I-I should’ve thought more of you and-and I know you worry. _I_ worry. I-I was an idiot, okay?”   
  
She wiped her eyes, shaking her head, “N-No, I-I just--” 

“I do see our baby girl getting bigger and-and I do think about the consequences--” 

“It’s _probably_ a boy--” 

“Don’t jinx us. Regardless, I don’t want to miss a thing either. I…I won’t go out as much, promise.”   
  
“Yamada, that’s _not_ it. What…what I need for you to do, you can’t” she whispered, dropping her head, “No…not can’t. Won’t.”   
  
He gazed up at her with the blue eyes Rosie questioned if she’d despair to see her children with. Not in the slightest. What she’d despair is never seeing them of her husband again and his not seeing their child. Like Shin needed to stop, she…she needed him to _stop_. They ran out of food because he was paying for Shin’s recklessness. He starved himself not for her but for his friend’s habit. He risked his life every Friday or Saturday because Shin chose this route for himself. Shin hadn’t said a kind word to Yamada since she’d known him and almost always scorned him. Yamada…Yamada couldn’t be another man’s father or protector when he was about to have his own. There was no _both_. 

Instead, he smiled, that weight of two different worlds on his shoulders, and rubbed her stomach. “So…you finally got us a table, huh? The _last_ thing I wanted you to spend your first paycheck on was _furniture_. I wanted you to get yourself some outfits that you liked instead of that stuff your mother chose for you. It’s time for Yagada to shine.”   
  
She laughed at that, grasping his hand gently, “ _Maybe_ after the table so we can have the kotatsu for the upcoming winter. Me being cute is not going to get in the way of us properly furnishing our home.”   
  
“You’re always cute” he assured, standing, “…I am a little hungry. If you don’t hate my guts and aren’t exhausted, would you come sit with me while I eat?”   
  
“I won’t ever ‘hate your guts’. I love you” she said solemnly. 

Yamada hugged her and kissed the top of her head, murmuring his affections too. She was selfish. She was selfish because she did want to say ‘if you love me, stop being there for him too’. As he became more and more acclimated to being a spouse, he told her little things. He told her that it was suggested Shin stole money out of the money Yamada gave Hisakawa while he was in America. That…that was pretty much her last straw. Her husband wasn’t selling but in Shin’s mind he was. He _knew_ how serious it could be to steal and yet he stole right out of Yamada’s share. If any higher up yakuza had been there they’d have shot Yamada on the spot when they saw him. For a thousand yen. She just made that in a week’s worth of work. 

But yet she smiled when Yamada promised tomorrow he’d paint their chairs bright and early so they’d be dry enough when he returned from school for them to eat brunch together. He told her the yakisoba was delicious though not _as_ delicious as the potato concoction. Ugh, he just loved starchy _fat_. He couldn’t wait to see the couch. 

…This life was going well. But…if not for certain things, it could be going so much better. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_“Mmph…”  
  
_

_Dana rasped, her fingers grazing his scalp as he rolled his hips between her legs. His horny wife…he really was lucky._

_“Yama!” she cried, her legs tightening around his torso._

_Yamada shuddered as he came, moaning into her shoulder. He could feel Dana’s heart racing as she kissed his cheek, hugging his neck. After she caught her breath, she murmured, “…I never thought about pregnant people wanting sex this much.”  
  
“Yea. Poor junior must be wondering what that is poking it in the head.”   
  
He laughed and quickly turned off of his wife as she slapped his arm for all she was worth. “You’re so BAD. I swear, if I hadn’t read the book I’d believe your pervy LIES.”   
  
Smiling smugly, he kissed her rounding belly, “Of course not. I wouldn’t do that to my baby girl.”   
  
_

_Dana sulked, “You know, I’ll be upset if it turns out to be a boy and you’re mean to him.”  
  
“Baby, I’ll love whatever this little critter is gonna be. We ought to be discussing names now anyway” he yawned, cuddling her in his arms, “Humor me and say, if it were a girl, what name would you like?”   
  
“Mm, Yuuna, Yumi.”   
  
“Okay…so, humor me on this.”   
  
“Oh goodness.”   
  
Yamada sighed, “If it’s a little girl…I was always kind of fond of the English name ‘Jill’. Like, isn’t it super simple but kind of classic sounding? I like it.”   
  
Dana frowned, “But…it has ‘L’s’. People would say ‘Jiru’.”   
  
“No way, Western names are the big thing right now, right? They’d at least attempt it.”   
  
She seemed to ponder over it before nodding, “I’d have to think about it but I like it. I think we can make it work. Now humor ME and tell me what boy name you want?”   
  
“Dunno…Ryuusuke? Tony? Shuin?”   
  
“Tony?” she echoed, confused, “Where’d Tony come from?”   
  
“Dunno, kind of like Jill, I just think it’s kind of classic and simple. What about you?”   
  
“Well…I was thinking Koji. Or Nerimaru. But I do like Ryuusuke.”   
  
Yamada was very much confused. “Ne…rimaru? I don’t think I’ve heard that name in my life.”   
  
“It was one of my cousin’s names, one of the few I felt wasn’t a jerk. I knew he’d do something good with his life but he ended up dying in a car accident.”   
  
_

_“Ah…well, Ryuusuke and Nerimaru. We can figure it out between those two” Yamada softly replied, falling asleep._

_“Yama?”  
  
“Mm?”   
  
“I-I like your middle name so-so maybe we can give our children middle names too?”   
  
Yamada made a face, “They don’t need them though. It just complicates things.”   
  
“I…I know…” she mumbled. _

_Bleh. “If that’s what you want, we can come up with a middle name too. Maybe something English so the symbols don’t make some weird pun if it’s a boy.”_

_Dana smiled, kissing his hand, “Okay.”  
  
He pulled the blanket tighter on her shoulder, noting the slight chill in early October. Tonight was good…he surprised his wife by coming to get her right after work. He’d taken his midterms and gotten out early while the teachers were grading. Kaga was cozy, he noted, having never entered the store. He knew Rosie and Choco, of course, but this was a woman’s boutique and he was blessed even getting pants that were the right length, he never needed to hem. He had to smile when Dana got her paycheck, bowing and thanking them. It wasn’t what he observed being the norm but he was pleased to see his wife happy making her way. _

_She was just too giddy to have him there grocery shopping with her. His main goal at shopping was fast as possible but she dragged it out apparently because he was present. He guessed he hadn’t really noticed all the different varieties of rice, he only got white. Once she was done, she started to pay for the groceries…but hell, she’d lightened that burden so much for him he did have a little extra in his pocket. He paid for it, much to her chagrin. Nope, he had plans._

_Driving them to the little shopping district they’d went to before they were even romantically together, he had Dana put on that crazy ‘Lana’ wig and a pair of bulky glasses. He directed her to ‘go get some damn clothes’. She was, naturally, delighted again._

_They were there until it closed, something he’d NEVER done. She was finding all these deals on dresses and skirts. He protested when she found a three for a hundred dress shirt sale but she wouldn’t hear it. She got him a damn pink shirt! He was appalled but she said it’d look good on him. Okay?_

_He was astounded when they went and got baby clothes too. They were so…TINY. He picked up a little ruffled dress in awe and Dana joked that as much as he said their baby was a girl they should stick to onesies for now. What the hell was onesie?_

_With a little spending money after he put a bulk in the savings account, Yamada also took her out to dinner. It was the first time since before they were married and Dana was just gleeful. He…he guessed he really needed to come home early sometimes just to be with her. It’d…been a little difficult lately._

_While he would have liked to come right back and snuggled up then…Shin was on the step waiting for him. “Man, where have you been? We need to go.”  
  
Dana looked hectic and he was just…over this. Or not because he took their stuff upstairs and told her, if she weren’t too sleepy, that he wanted to ‘sex her’ when he got back. He expected that to fluster and panic her for OTHER reasons as right now she was convinced she was fat. Oh no, just hot. _

_Normally he wouldn’t even IMAGINE taking his car into that place but he didn’t feel like a forty minute walk there and back tonight. He’d just park it in front of his former apartment and pay someone to watch it. Shin was like a ghost as he sat in the passenger side, probably trying not to lose it._

_  
Yamada had wondered…what did he see when he looked in the mirror? Did he see the face he used to somehow? He looked like he’d aged ten years, he had no skin tone, his nose had lesions…he was falling apart. _

_Shin had been sniffing when they got out of the car in West Wasaba, starting to go back to his apartment? “Where are you going, man? We have to get to Hisakawa.”  
  
“I-I just need a quick fix. I-I waited a long time for you, asshole.” _

_  
Yamada glared, “…Make it quick.”   
  
This was ridiculous. Yamada was aggravated enough to take a draw from Roller’s cigarette when the guy caught up with him. He looked…confused. “Dude, I don’t get it. You’re doing the big s—t…why are you still selling drugs?”   
  
Yamada huffed, handing the cigarette back before he lost all his efforts, “I don’t sell, Roller. Shin steals, I make sure to make up his balance so they don’t kill him. He doesn’t know and thinks he’s getting over on the f—king yakuza.”   
  
“Eh?! But that’s bogue!”   
  
Yea. Yea, it was. Roller wasn’t the only one to think so either. When they finally got going, Hisakawa was giving him this hard look the whole time, even while he was taking Shin’s payment. Today…today it was 3750. _

_Yamada imagined everything he could get for his home with that money and he shivered with rage. Hisakawa’s dark eyes narrowed before waving his hand, “Shin, stay over there for a while. I need to talk to Yamada.”  
  
“I-If it’s all right, I was hoping to…to stay” Shin stammered. _

_The final step: staying in the crack house. Hisakawa just waved a hand to direct him away, standing. The girls that used to be all around him were lying on the floor, writhing in their journey, and he looked perfectly sober. “Let’s talk outside.”  
  
In some weird way, Yamada knew exactly what this was about… Hisakawa lit up a cigarette when they were outside of the apartment, glaring at a prostitute that passed him. _

_“I heard you got married.”  
  
“Oh yea. Would’ve invited you, except, y’know.”   
  
“Yea, yea” Hisakawa grunted, waving his cigarette, “That’s not what I mean. I mean I hear you got married and your woman is pregnant. You’re going to be a father.”   
  
Yamada nodded in confirmation. Hisakawa glowered, his expression one of absolute disbelief. “Yamada, I didn’t have a futon to sleep in until I was eleven years old. I upgraded to a bed after I started selling DRUGS. I had to f—king sell drugs to sleep on a mattress, you asshole, and you’re f—king throwing money around for a motherf—king addict with money you ought to be giving to your damn BABY. You gave more money tonight than I made in a week dealing, you get that?”   
  
He winced. Ouch. “I…I don’t disagree, Hisakawa--” _

_“I’m sick of your bulls—t, Yamada. It was one thing when it was just your ass but you’re telling me you got the opportunity to provide the life your kid deserves and you’re pouring it into DRUGS?”  
  
Ill, Yamada scratched his head. “…I haven’t given up on him yet. He just…he just needs a little guidance, is all.”   
  
Hisakawa took the longest puff off his cigarette, his black eyes glaring at him piercingly. Exhaling with a snarl, he shook his head, “That will KILL your ass, Yamada. Having ‘faith’ in someone will get you murdered here. I have ‘fact’ that that son of a bitch has stolen from his own mother to feed his habit. He lost his love for money and found it again in coke. And that, Yamada, is where this has gone down the red brick road, motherf—ker. This is no longer about ‘faith’ or ‘guidance’, this is about TRUTH: he will take everything from you and you’re going to let him.”   
  
“I…I can still hope then.”   
  
“What’s that hope going to do for your baby when you’re dead, Yamada?”   
  
…Shit. _

_Yamada stared at the ceiling of their bedroom a bit longer and turned on his side to snuggle into Dana’s back while she tried to get comfortable. Resting his hand on her belly, he took a deep breath._

_He…he could save both of them. All of them. Just…just give him time._

“Oof, Ryuusuke, stop it.”   
  
Dana made a face as she rubbed where her growing babe decided to lie on what felt like her…spleen. Little rascal. He was starting to squirm at presumably six months. Soon, she smiled. 

Rosie rushed in with a stack of cloth and gave her a look. “You go sit down and work on those jeans, young lady!”   
  
Pouting, preferring to stand and work, Dana sat in the chair that Rosie brought downstairs from their living portion. Her feet weren’t _that_ swollen and the baby was well fed and seemingly rested. Pooh. Choco yawned at the register, filing her nails, “I sure hope Cecil drops by this snoozer. I need some excitement.”   
  
Cecil was Choco’s boyfriend, apparently a blond expatriate from Sweden. Rosie thought he was a good for nothing since he just lived off his parent’s expense but he seemed nice enough. Rosie never really badmouthed him directly, not like Choco did about… 

“Hi, ya’ll!”   
  
Rosie squeaked, almost dropping all the fabric. Dana looked up knowingly and smiled, “Hello, Chet.”   
  
“H-Hi, Chet!” Rosie blurted. 

Choco just rolled her eyes as the local delivery boy brought in the two’s groceries. Apparently he lived out in the rural area at least two hours from here but he always made the drive. The very first time Dana met him she knew immediately he was sweet on Rosie and the feeling was mutual. Choco said, disgusted, ‘ _He’s a farmer’._

So? He made it so they could EAT and that was pretty darn important in her book. Setting the box in the back room, he returned and smiled at Rosie. “You need anything else, Rosie?”   
  
“No, no. Thank you, Chet” she flustered. 

Choco rolled her eyes again and sauntered off to take the food upstairs. Rubbing his arm, Chet smiled shyly, “So, uh, R-Rosie, um, I’mma stick in the area for a spell and was w-wondering if you wanted t-to go to dinner tonight maybe?”   
  
“O-Oh, I-I think I may be busy…”   
  
What? Chet looked crestfallen but his smile remained, “All right, maybe next time.”   
  
“Y-Yes.” 

Chet tipped his head at them and started out the door. Dana glared, climbing to her feet, “Rosie! You have nothing to do tonight, you were JUST talking about it.”   
  
“I-I know, but…” she complained, ‘But Choco--” 

  
“She’s your _sister_ , Rosie. If you find a boy you actually like and likes you back, why would you let your sister hold you back? She has a boyfriend!”   
  
Rosie blushed, “I—I know you’re right, but--”   
  
“Do you _want_ to?”   
  
“Y-Yes…”   
  
Sighing, Dana rushed over to the door. Luckily Chet was still packing up his box truck. “Chet! Come back for a moment.”   
  
He looked back and nodded, doing a small jog back into the store. Rosie looked pale but put on her best smile, “U-Um, Dana reminded me that the job I thought was for tonight isn’t actually for another few days. I-If you’re still willing, I’d definitely want to-to go out tonight.”   
  
Chet looked stunned, “U-Uh, absolutely! Yes!”   
  
Good. Dana was pleased as she sat back down and the two started discussing their plans. It was a promising accomplishment. The day was good. 

“H-Hey, Dana?”   
  
She jumped, startled, when the specter she’d not noticed appeared before her. Shin. 

He looked like a rumpled dirty mess, stains on his shirt and hooded coat. His dark eyes were dazed and empty as he scratched his arms furiously. His hair was tousled and he just…looked awful. He was transparent. Dana…was speechless. Where…where was the Shin she first met?   
  
“U-Um, hi, Shin. How…how are you?”   
  
“U-Uh, a little…a little steamed right now, Dana. I-I just…I’m, um, I’m outta-outta cash and-and I’m starving. I-I hate to ask b-but do you ha-have t-two hundred pieces, maybe?”   
  
Dana stared, wide-eyed. Two…hundred pieces. 

…Was two hundred pieces enough for drugs? Maybe this was a legitimate request for food. “Oh, Shin sweetie, I get off soon so if you stick around, you’re more than welcome to come eat with Yamada and I.”   
  
“I-I really j-just need the money, Dana.”   
  
There. “I-I don’t…really have it, Shin. I-I spend it on groceries so that’s…that’s why I offered to just give you some of our food. It’s all I can personally offer at the moment.”   
  
“C-C’mon, Dana, b-be real. Ya-Yamada wouldn’t just-just let you walk around wi-with no cash. I-I promise I’ll pay you back.”   
  
“I…I really don’t have it, Shin” she whispered. 

“You’re lying!” he snapped, starting forward. 

Dana squealed and Chet quickly stepped over. “Hey now, man, let’s calm down. You don’t need to spook her.”   
  
“You stay the f—k o-outta this!!” 

Rosie gasped when Shin actually grabbed Chet’s shirt, managing to shove him hard against the wall. What was going on?! Dana quickly stood and grabbed Shin’s arm, “Shin, stoppit!!”   
  


Her breath caught when he pushed her _hard_ and…and she lost her balance. 

It felt like a surge of pain traveled through her whole body when she hit the ground, thankfully landing on her bottom. However, a spasm rushed through her and she—no, _the baby,_ cramped. 

…no… 

“Dana!” Rosie exclaimed, rushing to her. 

Trembling, she tried to say she was okay but her whole mouth was dry. H-He was just sort of inching and moving a bit b-but he’d stopped. Holding her stomach, she choked when another painful rush came. _No._

The door opened and, in perhaps some irony, Mina and Kari entered. They both looked jovial but, upon seeing the chaos, melted. “Eh?! Dana, what’s going on?!” 

“He pushed her” Chet declared. 

“What the f—k, Shin?! She’s _pregnant!_ That is Yamada’s _child_!” Mina snapped, actually slapping the side of his head _hard_. 

While Dana expected that to rile him up, he actually managed to blanch more…before taking off out the front door. 

Kari knelt by her other side, taking one arm and Rosie taking the other. Dana shook as she came to her feet…and almost collapsed again. “Ah, Dana?!” 

“Oh God, that _f—king idiot_ ” Mina gritted her teeth, quickly coming over to help her sit in the chair. 

“Sweetie, what’s the matter?” Kari asked gently, “Does it hurt?”   
  
Dana clenched her eyes shut, nodding rapidly as it felt like something was…shaking inside of her. No, baby, no… Rosie looked at them helplessly. “What do we need to do? There’s a clinic down the street but it’s no good.”   
  
“We’re taking her to Yamada” Mina replied firmly. 

“N-No, don’t, he’ll-he’ll be upset.”   
  
“I hope he kills Shin! Pushing his pregnant wife, that druggy bastard!” Mina spat. 

No, he…he wouldn’t. Yamada might hit him or something but… they helped get her disguised quickly and Chet insisted he drive them where they needed to go. It was a little cramped in the truck and he apologized for it being so bumpy. 

Oh, it…it was a good day. “I’m-I’m sorry you got involved in that, Chet.”   
  
“No how am I letting somebody rough up on a pregnant lady” Chet huffed, “I’m just sorry I let ‘em hit you.”   
  
Just…a little move, Ryuusuke. Start doing your little inch worm thing that you liked to do. Rubbing her stomach, she pleaded and prayed that it was all right. If she lost it _now_ when they’d started to name it and buy clothes… 

She still felt weak and shaky by the time Chet, Mina, and Kari were helping her into Souma’s clinic. The doctor himself was standing in the lobby, speaking to a nurse, when he looked up. He instantly looked alarmed. “Dana?”   
  
“H-Hello, Souma.”   
  
“What’s going on?” he questioned, walking to her quickly. 

She didn’t want to tell the detailed version but Mina beat her to it. He looked utterly dismayed and quickly called a nurse to bring a wheelchair. It was just one step away from him… 

“You all wait out here. I’m going to check her now” Souma advised the other three as she was pushed to the exam room. 

Dana could only close her eyes as Souma methodically went through his routine. It was gone. She…she couldn’t feel him. He wasn’t moving anymore or trying to lie on things he ought not to. He. She always came back to ‘he’ because she felt she was having a son. Yamada’s son. He was… 

Souma was silent as he ran the wand over her stomach. She…she couldn’t bear to see him if they had to remove him. Her poor baby. For them to make it this far and…and for it to end like _this…_

Suddenly, the doctor let out a long…relieved sigh. “The baby is all right, Dana.”   
  
What? She opened her eyes quickly and turned to look at the screen. Sure enough, he was making little twitches and kicking a bit. But… “I-I can’t feel him.”   
  


“Maybe because you’re in panic mode” Souma smiled, rubbing her hand, “And it may have been a little stunned but it’s just fine. All I need for you to do is watch for spotting. Really, are you still cramping?”   
  
…Oh. She was so worried about the baby, she hadn’t noticed they _had_ stopped. 

She started to sob, covering her face, “Oh…oh, thank God.”   
  
There was a knock at the door which Souma softly regarded. “Hey, doc, Osuka-san is starting to get agit—Dana?”   
  
Oh no. 

“Dana? What’s going on? Why are you—did something happen?!” Yamada exclaimed, rushing to her side. 

She couldn’t even hide her crying face and he looked like he was about to have a panic attack. “What’s happened!? What’s wrong—is something wrong with the baby?!”   
  
“No, Yamada” Souma sighed, standing and starting to clean up everything, “…As I feel Dana may not tell you the full story, Shin apparently came and tried to get money out of her, started yelling at her, and another lad outside stepped in. Shin started to fight him and when Dana tried to get him to stop, he pushed her and she fell. She had some cramping and wasn’t feeling the baby but your little rascal is just fine.”   
  
Yamada was completely silent. 

“Anyway, watch for spotting and the cramps and bring her back immediately if there is a single concern. Wrap up whatever it is you were doing and take her home. Take care of her” Souma commanded. 

“…Thank you, Souma” Yamada murmured. 

Dana swallowed as Yamada helped her sit up. Touching her own stomach, she smiled when indeed she felt her baby starting up his normal antics. Maybe he’d just been a little shocked too. 

She looked up when Yamada rested his hand there as well, his face expressionless. He lingered for a few moments before asking if she could stand. Oh, she wasn’t even dizzy now. 

Her husband held her hand as he quietly walked her toward the lobby. Mina and Kari were sitting but rapidly jumped to their feet when she appeared. 

“Dana, the baby--” 

“He’s fine” she smiled reassuringly, “I guess he was just a little surprised for a moment there.”   
  
“Oh, thank God!” Kari gushed, hugging her. 

Mina groaned with relief, reaching out and rubbing her stomach, “Oi-i-i, Yamada Jr, don’t scare us like that.”   
  
Chet looked more at ease and while she was going to thank him, Yamada suddenly bowed very lowly. “Thank you for watching out for my wife.”   
  
“O-Oh no, I’m-I’m just sorry I let her get pushed at all.” 

“…None of it should have happened” Yamada said lowly. 

Dana bit her lip. This… “Uh, anyway, Chet, you should go get ready for your date.”   
  


Chet looked startled, “Oh, I doubt Rosie would feel like going now--” 

“No way, I’ll call and make sure she’s ready to go. I’m going to ride back with Yamada so you make it a magical evening, ‘kay?”   
  
He flustered but nodded, giving his relief again that they baby was all right. Kari and Mina were saying something to Yamada which was making his face grow darker and darker. It…it wasn’t a problem now. 

“C’mon, let me get you all home” Yamada said barely above a whisper. 

While Mina and Kari insisted they could walk, Yamada assured he needed to look around anyway. They didn’t question it anymore but Dana instantly felt sick. He was ‘looking’ for Shin. 

When they got to West Wasaba, Yamada did actually have the girls sit in the car while he climbed out. No. “Yamada, really, it’s not that _important--_ ” 

“I’m just looking, dear” he said in a calm tone. 

Her foot! He was hiding it for _her_ but he was about to go postal! Kari’s eyes narrowed as Yamada went into Shin’s apartment building. “…It’s not the first time I’ve seen someone lose it on drugs but it’s the first time I’ve seen it in someone I’m close to. Shin and I have known each other since we were _five_ and this s—t he’s into…”   
  
Mina glowered, hanging over the driver’s seat, “…Not one of us are saints here except probably Dana when it comes to that stuff, it’s just…I can’t believe he’d go this far. He knows how much you mean to Yamada and for him to come harassing you, he’s completely gone. He used to say Yamada was his best friend and for him to do that? He’s not even Shin anymore.”   
  
Somehow she thought of the beach and Shin and Yamada messing around, joking, laughing. To be fair, when she thought she’d never seen Shin kind to Yamada, she wasn’t _always_ there. And there had to be _some_ point where they were closer. 

Was it…was it her? 

Yamada got back into the car, sullen. “…Guess he’s not here.”   
  
“Probably at Hisakawa’s” Kari surmised, “You want us to go with you?”   
  
“I’m not chasing his ass into South Wasaba” Yamada muttered, “…Thanks though. I’ll catch up with him later.”   
  
“Of course. Cool your jets, too, and take care of Dana” Mina chastised. 

He just nodded as the two told her to call them tonight before climbing out. Dana couldn’t help notice that Yamada didn’t say ‘I’d never take you guys there’ like he said to her when she asked to go with him. She swallowed and bowed her head. She was the weak ‘saint’, after all. Now that she recalled, just because she got Kari and Mina into dresses and modeling, before, they…they were tough business. Were? 

Yamada held her close as they stood in the elevator. She wasn’t sure what to say. Sorry she was the one that made him change so irreparably in his best friend’s eyes that he got swallowed by drug use? And…it was possible. From what she’d learned, he hardly spoke to his family because his mother remarried a man that pointedly hated Shin. Even Yamada admitted it hardly made sense and he wasn’t sure what to make of it. The only family member he kept contact with was this cousin that sold drugs as well. Maybe…Maybe Yamada was the one he could talk to about the simple things and…when he started pursuing more advanced matters Shin felt alone. 

She was sorry she was so weak. Apparently it wasn’t even just because she was a woman, Mina and Kari, and Mariko before them, had the same sort of stature she thought only attributed to males. She…she was the princess. Even when she thought she was helping, in reality… 

“…You.”   
  
Dana looked up, stunned, when Yamada’s icy voice interrupted her inner battle. What? She followed his cold eyes and jolted to find Shin sitting in front of their door, hugging his knees. What…? Why was he here?! Didn’t he know Yamada would— 

She yelped when Yamada indeed released her and started toward Shin, deathly intent all around him. “Yamada, no!”   
  
“You _fucking idiot_!!” Yamada screamed as she quickly grabbed his waist, hardly any resistance to him at all, “You do whatever the fuck you want to _me_ but how _dare you_ touch my wife and child?! Dana hasn’t done one damn thing to you, you piece of trash!!”   
  
Maybe…maybe she had. Alas, Shin climbed to his feet. For the first time in a very long time, he looked like he had some sort of…clarity, not that muddled addled affair. Shaking all the same, he said softly, “Dana, I’m so sorry. I…I don’t know what came over me, I-I just…I can’t think of the right sort of apology. Is…is the baby okay?”   
  
“…He’s fine” she whispered. 

He let out a soft breath and looked at Yamada, “…You know I wouldn’t hurt you, Yamada.”   
  
“Really? Was that before or _after_ you pushed my wife?”   
  
“…Both” Shin muttered, “I-I’m an addict, okay? You’re both right, I’m off my shit and now I’m not making a dime on any of it because I snort and shoot it up. I’m just paying it off with whatever I had saved and it’s all been a waste. I-I promise you I wasn’t coming to you to get another fix, Dana, I _was_ hungry, I just…I dunno. I don’t belong here.”   
  
…Oh. 

Yamada was still prepared to kill but…she understood now. He felt replaced. 

“That’s not true, Shin. Please, come eat with us. And Yamada, please calm down” Dana murmured, holding his hand, “I’ll make dinner and we can all eat, okay?”   
  
He shot her an incredulous look…before it softened and he kissed the top of her head. “…I’ll make dinner. You just relax and tell me if anything feels bad, okay?”   
  
She slowly nodded as he opened the door, glaring hard at Shin. Shin awkwardly followed and settled in the chair beside her at the table. Yamada watched them glaringly from the kitchen while he did everything. It…it was okay. 

Dana couldn’t help smile as the baby was completely back in action, moving around as he usually did. It was okay. 

“…Dana?” Shin whispered. 

Looking up at him, she found him shakily rubbing his arm. “Yes, Shin?”   
  
“Can…Can I…Can I touch your belly?” 

Whatever it was, she couldn’t help the sense of trepidation and fear. He…he had still almost hurt her baby and if she’d landed on her stomach or side… 

… “Yes.”   
  
He looked into the kitchen and Yamada was turned away. Tremoring, he gently rested his hand on the swollen budge and visibly swallowed. “It’s…it’s kind of harder than I thought it’d be.”   
  
“I thought so too, myself” she admitted. 

“…I’m sorry, kid.”   
  
Shin pulled away and fell silent again. What…what a tormented person. Why was he doing all this to himself? He didn’t have to be a doctor like Yamada or even go to school. He…he could find _something_ he wanted from life. Whatever he wanted, he could succeed. He’d…he’d been through so much too. 

Yamada brought over three plates and almost _threw_ Shin’s down before he sat. He hadn’t taken much for himself, probably not very hungry. Neither was she but she supposed her sweetie plum might want something after his traumatic day. Shin hungrily ate his entire serving in no time. 

“I-I understand how much your family and baby mean to you, Yamada.”   
  
Her husband looked at him pointedly when they were all done, just quietly sitting at the table she bought. She’d gotten two more chairs in case an opportunity as this arose. Friends…friends were important too. 

Shin’s head was bowed as he mumbled his entreaty, “I…I will do better. And-And I mean it. I’ll-I’ll kick this habit and do something else with my life. It’s…it’s been easy selling cocaine so doing anything where I have to work for somebody else or work on my own time with any consistency will be rough but…but I can’t go around like this anymore. I swear that.”   
  
“…We’ll see, Shin” Yamada said gravely, “I feel like you’ve let a lot of opportunities slip on through for you and you’ve fucked up a lot.”   
  
Yamada! “I know. I…don’t really know how not to.”   
  
“That’s putting it pretty damn lightly” Yamada muttered, standing, “I’ll take you home.”   
  
“Yamada…” Dana mumbled lowly, knowing her husband’s temper. 

He gave her a kiss and assured that he wasn’t going to beat Shin up, on his honor to her. As much as she loved her husband and knew he ‘honored’ her, she would be impressed if Shin didn’t at least get one whack. 

She took a bath after calling Rosie and making sure she went on that date. She felt a little…nauseous because it felt like the baby stopped moving. Of course, this was usually the time he went to sleep. He’d had a long day. 

…It…could have been a better day. And perhaps, in the future, it would be. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

**End Notes:**

Notably, it came a little out of the time period with Yamada mentioning he thought he had to marry Dana based on past preexisting notions. However, do bear in mind that a lot of society’s ideas were different back then.   
  
Doraemon, the robot cat that’s been around for ages.   
  
Rosie, Choco, Cecil, and Chet all hail from the Harvest Moon Game Boy series as well as that Little Shop one too. 


	9. Duplicity in Faith

**Chapter 9:** Duplicity in Faith 

**Warnings:** Unfiltered language and a lot of violence. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_There was a duplicity in faith._

_The act of faith relied upon uncontrollable factors manipulating the present. A lack of faith defied these uncontrollable factors and relied upon more concrete presence. This didn’t mean that the mere conception of faith was void, however. For, in reality, Yamada was never certain whether he could believe in a Buddha or kami. He couldn’t trust such things to guide the unknown for him. Perhaps they existed and he was a doll in some divine play. The fact of the matter was, he found out faith was a form of trust._

_Trust…was the one thing he could never rely upon._

_He trembled in bed, admittedly so cold he couldn’t even feel his toes. They’d even plugged the kotatsu in to set on top of them but it…it was freezing._

_When November was mild and December was manageable, he got cocky. He had too much faith, perhaps, that the weather would remain that way. January rushed in with the apathy of a murderer. Negative ten degrees. The news man said it was the coldest winter to date in this area. Of course it was when he just got a new home for his wife and said it’d be fine if they didn’t have heat. He’d seen several tenants flee already because of the torture._

_But, that was his fault. He should have bought a heater long ago and here he was, heaterless, because he had faith in something as tumultuous as weather._

_And also, because he believed Shin._

_God help him, when he saw Dana sobbing on that table his mind went to every dark place imaginable. The only place it didn’t go was Shin pushing her after trying to get money out of her for, supposedly, food. Jum, currently struggling with withdrawal after he heard what Shin did and making an actual effort to quit, said there was some low-timer drug dealer selling heroin for two hundred pieces. That lying piece of shit._

_It was only because of Dana in that moment he didn’t beat the life out of Shin. Maybe his own ignorance was rubbing off on her but she thought Shin was going to get better too. Nope. He got worse. He thought the next week when they went to Hisakawa they were going to start parting ways. Instead he put down another 3750 pieces. He’d thought ‘the first week is tough’._

_Until it was 3776. Then 3800. 3876._

_When Dana excitably asked if Shin was getting better he lied right to her face and told her he was doing well. She had all this hope now for him in the tide of his indiscretion toward her and it was like it didn’t even matter. It didn’t because, instead of the nice heater and everything he could have bought with that money, his baby and wife were shaking in pain from the crippling cold._

_Yamada gritted his teeth and held Dana closer to him, angry with everything. If there was divine humor, or lack thereof, it was the fact that the one that thought raping his mother would get him to join his gang was the most coherent of them all. Hisakawa was right, if this was just him, so be it. He could stand some cold nights. He felt Dana actually cry a little as she shuddered against him and wanted to throw himself out the window. He…he was such an idiot…_

_Tomorrow. He got paid tomorrow, on a Friday. He would get them that heater he was scouting and his wife and baby would be comfortable in this damn place. That…that was a fact._

Last week…had been a good week. He’d only had to give Hisakawa a thousand versus his closer to four. If it were a thousand he made out like a fat cat. Yamada prayed as they walked to Hisakawa’s apartment, his mind on that heater in the window. 

Dana was almost unconscious when he tried to wake her this morning. He was terrified she froze to death but she woke, pale, and he got her the hottest food she could handle. Never would he have imagined getting her bundled up and off to work where they had heat would relieve him. Never…was going to work for heat a relief to him either. No. He wasn’t doing that to his baby anymore. 

Normally he’d take the car but he gave Dana some money and told Mina and Kari to take her some place fun. She was getting stressed too and this late in the game? Not a good thing. The two happily took his vehicle and took her somewhere or the other. Hopefully nowhere where she’d find a rich guy that could give her a heated home. Or…perhaps that’d be for the best. 

Shin was shaking _hard_. He was thin as a rail, depriving his body of EVERYTHING, and there wasn’t anything there to keep him warm. Except his nice heated apartment where he stole drugs and kept Yamada poor. Everything _irked him_. 

When they knocked, the asshole on the other side still asked ‘what’s the password?’ which Yamada snippily replied ‘It’s f—king cold outside’. 

“You know, as much as I understand you not bringing your car here, it is like negative three degrees outside” Hisakawa replied when they entered. 

God, yea, he’d rather _fight_ someone than walk in this. “I had to send my wife out in it.” 

To keep her warm. Hisakawa shrugged, “Fair enough. What figures do you have today, Shin?”   
  
Here goes. He didn’t look _as_ bad as usual. Maybe he was just slow at weaning away. A thousand, 2500 at most and Yamada could get that heater. 

“I’m short four, Hisakawa-san, but I’ll start rebuilding this week.”   
  
…Four. Four… Hisakawa finished his dying thought for him, “Four… _what_?”   
  
Shin looked briefly nervous, “Four…four thousand. It was a tough week, there’s this guy selling for really cheap in the territory. I’m going to have to branch out.”   
  
His heart stopped. 

Hisakawa rubbed his face, groaning, “…Shin, I will cut off your toes and do away with you. _Stop it_. Bring the f—king stuff _back_ if you can’t sell it properly. This is _nonsense_.”   
  
“I-I know. I’ll move it, promise.”   
  
He went off so eagerly for his next batch while Yamada stood there, mentally frozen. Hisakawa stared at him…expectantly. He apparently always impressed Hisakawa by having the right amount of funds _not_ selling drugs. Staring at him, he felt beads of sweat rolling down his face. It…wasn’t as if he _didn’t_ have it… 

But…his wife…his child…they…they couldn’t stand another cold house for another week. 

He failed. 

Yamada didn’t even want to see the look on Hisakawa’s face as he found himself prostrating on the ground. Fuck. The asshole that tried to beat him into his ranks and tried to rape his mother and he was groveling before him. He failed. He…so very much failed. 

“I-I can have it all soon, I promise. I-I can’t do it this week, I-I have to provide for my wife, my child. They’re-they’re cold and I-I can’t spend that sort of money today. I-I’ll give it to you next time so-so please, just-just spare him this once. I’m…I’m not just asking, I’m-I’m shamefully begging. Please.”   
  
It was silent and he felt even the white noise of his drug addict companions had stopped. This was nothing he’d ever do. He supposed he was prideful but this was beyond anything he could accomplish. Not today. He shivered as he awaited a response and it…was so many deafening moments. 

“Shin!”   
  
Yamada did look up as Hisakawa rather randomly called out to Shin. What? Shin came out and looked puzzled. “Eh? Yamada, what the hell are you doing? Get off the floor.”   
  
“I wouldn’t be so quick to judge matters, Shin. I do want you to look at this” Hisakawa said briskly, taking out a cigarette to light up, “Look at Yagami, the same one that looked at a gang of ten people and decided he’d fight it out before he did something he didn’t want to. The same Yagami that fights because his hair is yellow and managed to advance out of this shitpit. This one I had to shoot from afar because I wouldn’t get his time or attention otherwise. This sort of person is lying on his face in front of me because of _you_.”   
  
…Shit. 

“What…? I…I don’t--” Shin stammered. 

“You really thought that I can’t rub two coins together and figure out I have two coins, Shin? You really in that peanut-sized brain of yours thought the yakuza _never_ realized you’ve been stealing money _and_ cocaine? Are you a fucking moron, Shin?” Hisakawa demanded icily. 

Shin’s mouth fell open and Hisakawa exhaled, “I got Yamada involved because he’s your keeper, Shin. Might as well go as far to call him your _daddy_ . He’s kept you alive for this long because your stupid mind thought you could steal. Yamada has been using his own money to fill in your voids so the Kamaiji don’t come in here, guns blazing. He hasn’t sold a _speck_ of cocaine and he is spending out of the _ass_ to keep us from _killing_ you or being killed _with_ you. This person with a wife and a child and more than any one of us here and he is spending money for your _sorry life_.”   
  
Yamada swallowed when Hisakawa snapped his fingers and his ‘guards’ appeared. Yes…he had a good idea of where exactly this was going. 

“You watch, Shin. I brought Yagami into this when he had nothing else but I’ll be damned if I’m going to let this continue. He’s the fool that keeps thinking you deserve this and I’m ending it today. You’re no longer welcome here, Yagami. I don’t want to see your face around these parts. I will _not_ allow you entrance and don’t you send a dime this way for that scum. As parting, Shin, Yamada’s going to take the beating _you_ deserve so he’ll actually _feel_ the weight of taking on other’s responsibilities.”   
  
Shit. 

It was pretty much a struggle just _not_ to fight back. Hisakawa probably wouldn’t have faulted him if he did but he…he was right. He…he was done getting beat down for Shin. 

Yamada groaned as he coughed up blood…probably not a good sign. Those around Hisakawa looked mystified by this whole affair as Yamada shakily got to his feet when his cronies were called off. Probably…probably a bruised lung. Maybe some…light internal bleeding. Clenching his battered side, placated that the bleeding was from biting his tongue, he stammered, “It’s been…shit, Hisakawa. I hope… you rot in hell.”   
  
Hisakawa chuckled, “Seeing your battered face at least once is worth its weight in gold and passage for me, Yagami.”   
  
…He guessed he was too bullheaded to say ‘thanks for kicking me out’. 

Shin seemed to be arguing with Hisakawa as he staggered out, pocket full of money and covered in his own blood. He didn’t like paying in blood but maybe he could get that cradle Dana wanted now. And take her to dinner after it felt like his spleen hadn’t ruptured. 

When he got to the store where the heater was, the guy looked at him in confusion and told him he looked _much_ better earlier when he was scouting the thing out. Yea…a couple of hours ago he was probably not suffering a concussion, that was for sure. 

And great, had to tote this bastard back, battered, broken, and cold. This was some penance for his faith. He scowled when Shin suddenly appeared, looking irritated. “You _bastard_.”   
  
“Sorry? Did I hear…’you bastard’…and not… ‘thanks for keeping them from killing me’…? Because that…was a very real risk.” Because, be damned, he guessed it was good he got the upper hand on those guys when they came to attack him because if they came at him with this he’d probably be dead. 

Shin followed him and tried to take the heater from him but Yamada refused. This was his…cross to bear, if that wasn’t sacrilege in some fashion. That, and if Shin dropped and broke this thing, he wasn’t certain if one could be ‘done’ but he’d be done and he was taking Shin with him. 

“Will you just let me _carry_ that thing? You’re about to die” Shin hissed, following behind as they crossed the precipice into North Wasaba after an hour, usually a thirty minute walk at most. 

Nope. Very close but nope. “I’m fine, Shin. You haven’t been concerned about me this long so stop pretending you are now.”   
  
Oh, sweet God, he was almost home, he thought joyfully, stopping to lean over the box for the fifth time as he was a block down. Hopefully Dana was still out so he could surprise her with this miracle first before she saw he looked like he’d been hit by bricks. He glowered as Shin was still behind him. _What_? “Do you have something you need to get off your chest?”   
  
“Yea, a _few_ things” Shin snapped. 

Jeez. Yamada lifted the box, pains shooting down every inch of his body, and carried it in a quick burst. Staggering up the steps of his apartment building, he weakly smiled and thanked himself for getting a place with an elevator. 

Shin went in with him so he guessed he was having company. All he could do was lean hard against the wall and convince himself not to faint. Thankfully it was the weekend or he would probably call out tomorrow. Looking like he got into a gang fight wasn’t a good look for a nurse, he imagined. 

It was almost instantly like heaven when he got the comfort of his life out of the box and plugged in. He turned it on and feeling the heat start to permeate slowly was paradise. Then, he collapsed on the floor. 

“Idiot” Shin said simply. 

“I don’t wanna hear that from you.”   
  
“You are!” Shin yelled, picking him up off the ground. For a guy as spindly as he was, Yamada was surprised he managed it. Maybe he should’ve let him carry the heater. 

Breathing haggardly as Shin got him on the couch and kept talking s—t while collecting things from their first aid kit, Yamada wondered if he should set it more between things so it went into their bedroom too… 

“Are you listening to me?”   
  
“Nah.”   
  
“Why didn’t you just tell me why Hisakawa called you there? You let him play me like a fool for, what, more than a _year_?”   
  
Yamada was a thousand percent certain he couldn’t comprehend what was being said to him and that wasn’t even the concussion. “I let _him_ play _you_ like a fool? Hisakawa was right, you are a real f—king moron, Shin.”   
  
He snatched the kit from Shin, starting to clean his wounds himself. Dana was gonna be beside herself, he couldn’t even see how bad he looked. Staggering toward the bathroom, he groaned when he saw his face. Yea…the wife wouldn’t care for this much. 

“Why?”   
  
Yamada glanced to where Shin was standing outside of the door, shaking. At least it didn’t appear to be the drugs this time. “Why?”   
  
“Why would you-you do that for me? You-you have no _reason_ to! Is it my dad again, you idiot?! Who cares about his wishes from damn nine years ago!?”   
  
He almost collapsed. Shaking his head, Yamada gazed at himself in the mirror. Funny…he guessed he looked like he’d aged too. He took a deep breath and shrugged, “…I dunno anymore, Shin. Maybe I thought I was doing it for your dad…but maybe I thought my friend would do better eventually.”   
  
Shin’s nostrils flared as Yamada struggled out, figuring he’d cleaned himself up the best he could. Dana would have to deal and perhaps accept that…he wasn’t going to go there anymore. He was free. It…was kind of a nice thought. 

“…You’re not my dad, Yamada.”   
  
“I don’t think I thought I was” Yamada snorted, “And you’re older than me.”   
  
Lying on the couch, he groaned as even his back hurt. He closed his eyes and thought about it. “…You realize though that they know. That he’s pretty much _always_ known. You haven’t been getting over on them.” 

“…Yea.”   
  
“I think Hisakawa’s serious, Shin. He asked me _far_ before this how long I was going to let this happen and I guess tonight was his last straw. If you continue going, if you _must_ , do every deal clean from now on. Just…just do it right.”   
  
“Why don’t you just keep filling in the holes for me?” Shin snorted. 

… 

“…When will you grow the fuck up?” 

Shin glared. He knew that stupid remark would get Yamada riled up. Or he _ought_ to. “I got my ass beat up tonight not because of _me,_ or because _I_ was stealing from the damn yakuza, but because of _you_. You get that? That beating wasn’t _for me_. You will get that and _then some_ if you keep dealing with these people—and for your information, _no_ , I will not keep filling in the holes for you. Like you just said, I am not your _father_. I can’t finish what your dad asked me to do because I have two other people I am _responsible_ for. I was begging like a fucking dog tonight to buy a heater with the money _I_ earned to keep my family warm. Do you know how fucking _ridiculous_ that is?”   
  
“…I don’t need you to watch my back. I _never_ needed you to watch my back. We grew up on the same streets in the same place, Yamada, and I know as much as you do. Whatever weakness you and my dad think I have, fuck you. Our competition is still valid until the end and you keep playing house with your family and your baby. I don’t need your shit or your help” Shin said icily, stalking toward the door. 

Yamada gazed after him as he slammed it shut. 98,000 pieces, rounded. 

That was enough for him to have started saving for a house. Enough for him to have gotten a two bedroom so he could be planning the best damn nursery this side of Wasaba for his newborn. He could start putting away for the kid’s college fund. Maybe, if he invested it, he could have helped Dana start her own store. He could have gotten her Yagada. 

Instead, here he was, beaten up and broken after begging to buy his own heater from a drug lord after having to send his wife to warmth in a car he could have afforded on his own. Here he was, realizing that his faith was blind and based on no factual evidence. All the information was right there as Hisakawa said and he ignored it for his own hopes. 

…And not even a ‘thank you’. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_If she got ahold of that Shin, she’d punch him square in the nose._

_Yamada was dismayed as he sat on the exam table, Souma glowering as he examined Yamada’s ribs. “Yamada…I am trying to understand the extent of your injuries. It looks like you went through a gang initiation.”  
  
“It…was something like that, doc.”   
  
Dana glared at him as Souma shook his head, “They’re not broken but I’m sure they’re quite bruised and, if I daresay, your lungs are too. You have a MINOR concussion and unfortunately for you, I am not letting you work with a damn concussion.”   
  
“Oh, c’mon, Souma--” Yamada began to protest. _

_“Absolutely not. We are just beginning to see the depth of concussions and you’re not stepping back in here until Thursday at the earliest. Are we clear? And don’t fret over money, it’s medical leave so you’ll get quarter pay.”  
  
Yamada looked aghast, “Quarter pay? I--” _

_Dana raised a brow as he paused…before sighing and grimacing, “Never mind. I…I have the money now.”  
  
“Good. Now let me get you two home.”   
  
She was livid. _

_Kari and Mina took her to the school fashion show where the former was modeling. She knew it was a bad idea but the two cooked up some ridiculous disguise for her again. It was fine, she didn’t see anyone from her former school and she had a fantastic time seeing all the designs. Her wall was actually quite popular in Kaga and she’d actually scaled back a bit to respect their selection. The potential was there._

_The two then took her out for dinner at a place in East Wasaba. Like she’d heard, there seemed to be a really bad section but then this ultra affluent section that could almost rival the smaller parts of Subami. That’s where they ate okonomiyaki and it was so fun. Going out with friends was great too._

_Then, they dropped her off at home and she insisted that they have Yamada drive them back. She had trouble imagining he was in their igloo of an apartment right now but they could hide out at Rosie’s until he got back. She went upstairs to check anyway…and almost had a heart attack._

_Just like the time Yamada was ‘missing’, he was lying on the floor but, this time, covered in bruises. All the possibilities traveled through her head in that moment but, this time, he looked up when she entered and insisted he was just stretching. WHAT?_

_“Who the HELL did this to YOU, Yamada?” Mina demanded incredulously, “Seriously, I have NEVER seen you lose a fight—and if you didn’t lose, holy Jesus!”_

_“No, Micchi, I can say for a fact this is the first and last fight I’ll lose” Yamada droned, stumbling to his feet._

_Kari scowled as Dana could only stare. “Who did it?”  
  
Yamada shrugged, holding his sides as he limped, “Hisakawa.”   
  
What?! Dana felt her pulse race. He DID get hurt going there!! However, Mina and Kari just looked at him disbelief. “Hisakawa? Hisakawa himself or his gang?” _

_“His gang.”  
  
Why!? What had Shin done?! Kari and Mina appeared even more incredulous. “Yamada, you have the LEGEND of having singlehandedly crushed ten of Hisakawa’s yakuza. You can’t have lost your touch that much!”   
  
Yamada appeared to be trying to get to the kitchen…but ended up on a barstool, leaning his head back as he tried to breathe. Closing his eyes, he murmured, “Look…Look after Shin for me, okay?”   
  
“What does that putz have to do with this?” Mina questioned hotly. _

_“…I…I was paying Hisakawa to keep him from killing Shin, okay? He was being the idiot he’s always been and stealing on the side so Hisakawa made a deal that I fill in the gaps and Shin doesn’t end up getting killed…or them killed.”_

_The girls almost went postal. “You’re just as much an idiot!! You have a wife and baby and you’re fucking raising a grown man?!”_

_“Seriously, Yamada!” Kari snapped, “And as cold as your apartment i--…woah, wait.”  
  
…Wait. Dana’s eyes widened as she realized she just walked into her home and wasn’t crippled by painful bitter cold. Sure enough, in the corner…was a heater. But…they were so expensive! Yamada rubbed his head where there was a nice bruise, “…It was four thousand tonight he was cutting. I…I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t come back here where Dana and our baby are living in a frozen tundra and tell myself I was justified in taking care of Shin’s mistakes. So…I got on my knees and begged Hisakawa not to kill Shin and I’d pay him next week.”   
  
“Yamada, no” Kari protested in horror. _

_Dana digested this as Yamada weakly waved a hand, “Don’t worry, Kari, even Hisakawa gave a long speech on why I don’t do that sort of thing…because he finally called Shin out on his nonsense and basically banned me from ever coming back. I’m free.”  
  
“Huh” Mina scoffed, “Funny when a piece of s—t is better than the ones you call ‘friend’. So that still doesn’t explain your injuries.”   
  
“Took the beating for Shin for not having the four hundred to conclude the contract.”   
  
…What was this nonsense? Apparently it made perfect sense to those three but not her. She stalked over to the phone and briskly typed in his number. Yamada groaned, “Dana, who are you calling?”   
  
“Dr. Souma. You’re about to pass out and if you don’t want me to leave your ass you’ll go get checked out.”   
  
Naturally it would take LEAGUES more than that to leave her husband but Yamada panicked and agreed. Mina and Kari offered to drive but Dana wanted the time with her husband for a moment. _

_“What did Shin say?” Dana questioned after they left, awaiting Souma’s arrival._

_“About what?”  
  
“About you spending a lot of coins to make sure he didn’t die.”   
  
He opened his blue eyes, the vessels so very far away. “…Nothing, really. Just that I wasn’t his dad and I’ve never needed to take care of him. No ‘thank you’ or anything civil.”   
  
That unthankful son of a bitch. _

_“Dana, sweetie, while you’re here, let’s do your seven month checkup” Souma said, interrupting her reveries._

_“A-Ah, okay.”  
  
Yamada had been given some painkillers and was falling asleep. He wearily waved, “I’ll…I’ll be in in a sec, promise…”   
  
“You just lie there” Dana commanded.   
  
“But…”   
  
“It’ll be fine. We have at least three more appointments.”   
  
Her idiot husband looked at her so sadly. “You’re not going to leave me, are you?”   
  
Dana groaned, returning to him to kiss him gently, “No, you baka, I am not going to leave you. And it shouldn’t take me threatening that to get you to take care of yourself either. I need you.”   
  
Nodding, he fell into a deep slumber and she quickly followed after Souma. The man seemed aggravated as did the examination. “…They’re a tough lot, aren’t they?”   
  
“Yes…”   
  
“His mother kicks him out for something he’s been able to take full responsibility for and his supposed best friend just lets him get beat up for his own actions. I swear, who needs enemies?”   
  
Dana bit her lip and stared at the ultrasound at her little inchworm. “…Is it a boy, Souma-san?”   
  
“Oh yea. Hopefully he isn’t as hardheaded as his dad.”   
  
She smiled at that, wondering if she should break the ‘bad’ news to her husband just yet. No, probably not. She’d give it a few more days while he was recovering and spring the news on him. They had a boy to raise…a boy to raise with a steady head and morals. _

_Not…not a boy like Hamasaki Shin._

It was a nice February day. 

Yamada yawned as he served lunch to his pregnant wife and their guests. Dana had asked for Tep, Roller, Jum, Kari and Mina to stop on by. The doofus trio had been busy lately so she wanted to hear what they were up to. Jum was managing his dad’s second pachinko bar, Roller was working at the general store, and Tep was actually taking some community classes on construction. Kari and Mina had finally moved into North Wasaba and everyone was going places. 

He reluctantly asked about Shin and they all said ‘fuck ‘em’. 

Okay. 

Drinking the tea, it was like some daydream he had. No, he didn’t usually sit and sip tea with his friends while discussing their lives but…something about that moment…just burned him to his very core and existence. 

Gunshots. 

Dana screamed but, like some innate instinct, those from Wasaba got to the ground. Yamada had to pull Dana with him because, again, she wasn’t used to being shot at in the place she slept. He didn’t expect it to be a problem here. 

He told Mina, Kari, and Tep to stay with her. Dana screamed where he was going? To see the people shooting at the place where that wasn’t supposed to happen! Jum and Roller followed him, those two carrying heat as was common to do. He…didn’t generally believe in death being the way. 

It was chaos on the street, people running and screaming. When he thought about it, West Wasaba treated it like it was a minor event worthy of whispers and not terror. He guessed this was the preferred reaction. Don’t give it normalcy. 

“Yamada. Yamada—holy…holy shit…” Jum rasped. 

What? He followed Jum’s eyes… 

And there he was. 

No. _No_. Yamada almost tripped over his own feet, screaming ‘no’. A car raced away, shooting more shots into the air. Roller quickly shot at the tires to no avail. No. _No…_

He gawked down at Shin, the bloodiest mess he’d ever seen. There were bullet holes everywhere. _Everywhere._ Jum quickly came to his other side, babbling, “Yamada, Yamada—what-what do we need to do? You-you’re going to be a doctor, what do we need to do?!” 

What…what did… 

…what…did they do? Pressure…? Pressure on…on too many…stop the bleeding? Apply…apply pressure but…but where…take…take out the bullets? Which…which bullets? …They…were they stopping more bleeding…? Did removing…?   
  
“I dunno—I-I dunno” Yamada shook. 

“Don’t do that to Yamada, Jum” Roller whispered, “…No doctor can do anything.”   
  
No. No, Souma could. He just-he just had to remember procedure. This many bullet wounds—count them. Count the bullet wounds. One, two, three, four, five…twelve. They-they were in his torso and-and back… 

Why? What had he _done_? He couldn’t possibly have been still _stealing_? He couldn’t. That’d be idiocy. Yamada learned. He learned from his mistakes so surely Shin did too. Surely he saw where it would get him. What had he done?   
  
“Ya…ma…?”   
  
They all looked down and Yamada felt his heart race. He had a chance, he was speaking! “Shin? Shin, can you hear me? We’re going to get you some help, okay? Don’t quit on us, man, we’ll-we’ll get whoever did this, okay?”   
  
Blood trickled down Shin’s lip and Yamada shrieked at himself to remember protocol. Pressure, remove the foreign object—what did he do _first_? What was he even doing this for if he couldn’t remember it in a critical moment?! 

He jumped when hot flesh touched his hand. Shin wasn’t staring at anything in particular, just up at the sky. “…Yama…da…hey.”   
  
“H-Hey, man. Look, hold tight—Roller, call an ambulance!”   
  
Roller knew as well as he did that that was twenty minutes at least but at least he didn’t question, running off to find a phone. Shin was convulsing, coughing up blood. His internals were damaged—they could probably sew him up. If…if they could…just get here soon…if…if he were better at this, he could help. He…he was supposed to save lives. That’s why the dream started, to save people. 

“H-Hey…Yam…Yamada…?”   
  
“Yea, Shin, what’s up?” Yamada asked gently. 

“You…you…were right…you won…t…thank you…for…being…there…til’…”   
  
And Shin gazed at the February sky for a long time until Jum sobbed and Yamada realized he’d lost. 

It was an uncontrollable feeling. He almost keeled over as his head was spinning. Why? What for? Why was his best friend lying dead on the street? Surely, he’d learned. Surely…surely he knew. 

Yamada staggered to his feet in anguish and rage, screaming at Jum to watch the apartment and over Shin’s remains. He madly ran into South Wasaba. 

Hisakawa. 

That bastard. That _rotten bastard._ He could have given Shin at least three weeks to get it together before doing this. Why?! He still sold that shit, he still gave money, just-just why didn’t he give him time?! Why?! _What for?!_

In his blind madness, he hardly noticed other people lying on the ground, clenching injuries or motionless. Another day in South Wasaba in his head. They killed his friend. 

Until he got into the apartment. 

Yamada came to an utter halt when there were bodies shot beyond recognition in the lobby. He stared at a dead tenant and…felt the most searing, crippling dread enter his very being. Surely… 

…Surely…he learned… 

Walking up the steps cautiously, he checked every corner he made until he reached Hisakawa’s floor. More dead bodies. He shakily stepped over them and was hardly breathing when he saw the door shot to bits. No… _no…_

He almost gagged when he entered, covering his mouth as all he could do was take in the gruesome mayhem. 

Blood…Blood was _everywhere._ On the walls, on the floor, on the cabinets, on the fucking _ceiling._ There were bodies and bodies lying in a macabre pile on the floor, all of them looking like they were trying to run. One was even hanging out of the window, red painting down glass. Yamada couldn’t…he… 

He…couldn’t move. 

“Shin really did it this time.”   
  
Yamada jolted and stared at the couch, where he always was, where Hisakawa was holding a gigantic wound in the very center of his chest. All he _had_ to do was stop the bleeding. Rushing to him, he took the sleeve off his coat and tried to push it into the gaping hole. Hisakawa coughed up an endless amount of blood. It… 

“H-Hi…Hisakawa, what happened?”   
  
“You know…same ol’ shit. We started early today because we were going to the main house for a yakuza meeting. Was supposed to be real nice…and guess who showed up? The gang.”   
  
No… _no_. 

“Shin went on his normal spiel about haggling and shit. Tried to play it off, y’know? Told him to stop messing around and give the money. He bolted, they started shooting…shot everyone, really. Think they grabbed Shin and took ‘em off somewhere. Really fucked us over this time” Hisakawa sighed, coughing. 

How was he _talking_? He was losing more blood than Yamada thought a human _had_. “I-If I had--” 

“You’da been a corpse on the floor. The principle is ‘stealing’, Yamada, not that you’re here to pick up the tab.”   
  
Shin…Shin caused _all of this_? There were at least forty people in this room _alone_ , not counting the others in the building and probably all those injured people he passed. This…this was a _massacre_. 

“Don’t-don’t worry, Hisakawa, the cops will be here soon. You’re-you’re amazing to be alive right now, man, just hold on.”   
  
“Haha, you’re such an optimistic person, Yamada, I hate you” Hisakawa laughed before choking on his own life, “Nah, man…this is Wasaba…they don’t care about us…”   
  
“Th-That’s--” 

“You’re so lucky, Yamada. I got real jealous and thought maybe I would go off to Guam. Find a woman, get married, have kids…start over, like you did. This shit is for the birds.”   
  
Why was he so helpless? This wasn’t what he was supposed to be. If he wanted to feel this useless he could have been _anything_ in the world. He chose to be a doctor and all he could do was watch Hisakawa bleed? “You-You can’t--” 

“You’ll…do great, Yamada” Hisakawa whispered. Yamada silently watched as Hisakawa cried. His voice…was completely taken away from him. 

“I-Isn’t it funny, Yagami? I’ve…I’ve lived in Wasaba my whole life and when…when I think…think I can escape, I…I suddenly…I don’t wanna die…help…”   
  
Hisakawa, the slime that tried to rape his mother and in a paradox saved his life, stopped breathing as his eyes remained open. Yamada sat on the couch, paralyzed, in what would be detailed in the newspaper as one of the disturbing mass murders they’d seen in Hondo history. _  
  
_ It took the police an hour and 45 minutes to show up. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

Dana stared hard at the picture. Who was that? 

Hardly anyone was there, just Tep, Jum, Roller, Kari, and Mina. They admitted to her they were only there for Yamada, otherwise…they wouldn’t be. ‘This was his fault’. 

Like when this nightmare began, Yamada ran out of the apartment _toward_ gunshots. Where those foolish nerves came from, she had no idea, but all she could do was cry and hope he was okay. 

About an hour later, Jum and Roller came back up and Jum…Jum was covered in blood. He stared at them soberly and reported that ‘Shin was murdered’. 

Yamada had gone to Hisakawa. 

For three hours, there was no sign or word from Yamada. The girls stayed with her, beside themselves. She…she never thought Shin would…would be killed. She understood that was the game he was playing but…for it to actually happen…right outside of their apartment? 

Finally, _finally_ , her husband returned to her, also covered in blood and his eyes glazed over. She hugged him so tightly. He…he was okay. 

Who was she kidding? 

Yamada was staring at the shrine Shin’s mother had put up to have a short vigil for him. The woman didn’t seem even slightly shaken, telling them ‘it was just a matter of time’. Why…didn’t she protect him then? Wasn’t that what parents were for? 

“Yamada-nii?”   
  
Dana looked down, surprised by the young girl that looked a lot like Shin. Was…was that the twelve year old sister he mentioned? Yamada put on an empty smile, patting her head. “Hey, Ayame.”   
  
“Yamada-nii…is it true what everyone’s saying? Did Shin-nii cause everyone to die?” she whispered. 

…Yamada was silent for the entire day before this, not speaking and barely moving. His skin was so cold and she didn’t understand what happened to him. That was until Tep came by and informed her that Hisakawa and over fifty other people had been shot to death. “Pure…carnage.”   
  
She…couldn’t _fathom_ the trauma. It would have been like walking into a pool of blood and death. In her naivety, she tried to get Yamada to talk about it but he simply shivered. That…that wasn’t what he needed. 

And it came around that it was Shin’s fault. He was stealing so the yakuza shot everyone in the room. Punish many for the acts of one. Perhaps it was all corruption and they were all in the wrong but…that wasn’t necessarily the full story here. 

The one in charge of all the brutality? The man she was supposed to marry. He annihilated, in total, 69 people, in estimated, less than twenty minutes. That….rattled her to the core. 

Yamada still hadn’t said much and she wasn’t certain if he planned to attend today until he put on one of the suits she made him. She quickly dressed as well and though he told her she didn’t have to go, she asked how she as his wife and at least a believer in Shin’s revival could let him walk this alone? He’d smiled very little. 

On Shin’s shrine was a picture of a healthier him. A him that, perhaps just as foolish and ignorant as when he died, appeared to be full of potential and life. That was the Shin she remembered from the beach, the one that asked if she liked Yamada and spoke of their stations in life. He was gone now. 

For some moments, Yamada didn’t answer Ayame but, finally, held her shoulders. “…People…make very reckless mistakes, Ayame. And depending on that mistake, we all need to answer for them. Your brother, he…he made a very…bad mistake. And that’s why he’s gone.”   
  
Dana almost gaped at the harshness Yamada was giving to such a young child. He could have…coated it, at least a little. Tep and others looked at the affair gravely, in the same boat as the many in Wasaba gossiping about Hamasaki Shin causing the death of nearly a hundred people. Just… 

Yamada trembled but his smile remained, “There’s…just so…little that death can solve. And there…are so few mistakes that we can make that should justify death. We…get caught up in things we ought not to. And we let people exploit us when we shouldn’t. And we let them decide how to validate our mistakes. So Shin…may have made a mistake but no one had the right to decide how he and those other people received judgment. Those people that took it upon themselves…they’re the ones in the wrong. And if anyone…anyone tells you otherwise or treats you badly about that, send them to me, okay?”   
  
Ayame nodded quietly and he patted her head again. The others looked a little upset after that. Yes…there was a conscious decision to join a gang involved in crime, one all of them had made at least at one time or another. They decided to get out for whatever reason and Shin stayed. He made that mistake. He made the mistake of stealing, of lying. There were laws for that sort of thing. 

The power that be decided to shoot him dead in the street. 

Was Hamasaki Shin to blame for this? Yes. Very much so. Was Hamasaki Shin the first and only one to make such a mistake? Absolutely not. Not even in this room. This cycle…didn’t begin nor end with him. 

Those people from her ‘side of the tracks’ came over here and shot Hamasaki Shin and dozens of others for mistakes they themselves made. All they could do here was blame Shin for getting caught. 

Yamada drove everyone home and thanked them for coming, like a father. They all awkwardly told him their ‘sorries’ like that was Yamada’s child. He just quietly dropped them off, quietly drove back to their apartment, and went to lie in bed. She…would have gone to work but Rosie insisted she stay with him. _“It used to be if you saw Yamada, you saw Shin. That was his best friend.”_

…Used to be. 

Used to. Before her. Before she came in with her ideals and dreams. Before she asked Yamada to think more of himself, to surpass where he was. She asked him to leave that life behind. She…hurt that friendship. And she couldn’t understand how she could think that, to think that because she wanted Yamada to make healthier decisions that she splintered a decade long bond. She hadn’t asked him to do anything dangerous…but all the same, Shin…and Yamada…used to understand each other a little more before her. 

Letting out a breath when there was a knock at the door, she went to peer into the peephole. Souma. She sighed softly and opened the door…before _freezing._

Atsuko. 

“M-Ma’am!!” she squealed. 

The woman stared at her drolly, dressed in black. Did…did she go look at Shin’s shrine too? “Where is he?”   
  
“Y-Yamada? H-He’s lying down in the bedroom.”   
  
Dana trembled as his intimidating mother walked around her, kicking off her shoes sloppily just like Yamada did. Why? Didn’t she disown him? “P-Please!!” Dana blurted, “S-Speak gently to him.”   
  
“…I’ve known how to talk to him longer than you have, little girl.”   
  
Eyes widening, she watched the woman disappear into the room. Souma groaned, rubbing his cheek. “I’m sorry. She was very insistent she see him. I…I just hope it’s not for something foolish. She’s…she’s not the sympathetic type.” 

…No. 

Maybe ten minutes later, she emerged. “Let’s go, Souma.”   
  
“Ah, wait. Let me speak to Yamada too.”   
  
“…Make it quick.”   
  
Dana almost had a heart attack, standing there with a mother-in-law that absolutely despised her. Oh…just like Shin…she…she splintered Yamada from his mother too. 

“…So I see you’re still pregnant. What are you naming it?”   
  
Startled, Dana looked up at the woman. She was just coolly staring at her stomach as if it were a bug on the sidewalk. Dana almost responded ‘Ryuusuke’. 

But now…something didn’t seem natural about it anymore. It was fine until now but she…she wasn’t sure. “We’re still discussing it. It’s a boy.”   
  
“Mm.” 

Souma returned and advised her to make sure Yamada ate something. She nodded and let the two out, curious what Atsuko told Yamada. As Souma said, she…she wasn’t the type to give condolences. 

Slowly waddling to their bedroom, she felt a little off watching Yamada lie on his back and stare at the ceiling. It wasn’t something he let her see him do. She softly sat beside him and stroked his hair out of his face. “…Did she say something mean to you?”   
  
“Mm, no” he said softly, “Not at all, really.”   
  
Really? “T-That’s good.”   
  
Of course, they were mean to each other in general so she doubted that. At the very least he didn’t take it meanly and was upset. Not…really. 

“…Yamachin?”   
  
“Mm?” he murmured. 

“…I was thinking…for the baby…it’s…it’s a little boy, you know?”   
  
Yamada glanced at her and she took his hand. It scared her at first but she could see his little hand now against her flesh. He was ready. She pressed Yamada’s palm to where he was currently patting. The blond bit his lip and smiled shakily. “Wow…you’re almost outta there, huh? I wanted a girl, you know?”   
  
She pouted, “He’s my baby boy and I love him.”   
  
“…I love him too” Yamada said softly, closing his eyes. 

“I…I was thinking…we should name him Shin.” 

Yamada’s eyes popped open on that, glaring hard. “You wanna name our baby after a drug selling addict who now has the weight of 68 lives on his soul and is probably the most hated person in Wasaba? You think I want my son to have that sort of karma on his shoulders at birth? You’d name him after a _fool_.”   
  
Dana gazed at him. He was trying so hard. “No. I want to name him after Shin, your best friend.”   
  
He stared at her…before starting to tremor, his face twisting before he started to sob, the biggest, heart-wrenching tears rolling down his cheeks. “I-I could’ve saved him, Dana. I gave up on him. I gave up on him and I-I could have saved him!” 

Dana shook her head and hugged him as he wept, “I-I didn’t want to be his father, I-I just wanted to protect him. I wanted my friend to be okay, that’s all. His dad was right, he-he couldn’t survive on his own, he-he just made all the wrong mistakes that everyone else made and-and he died for them! But-but I could have fixed that, I could have done _something_ —I gave up on him, Dana, oh God. I-I gave up on him…and now, because I did—so many people are dead. And I couldn’t even save the two that tried to live. I couldn’t save Shin, I couldn’t save Hisakawa—it wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t given up—it’s…it’s all my fault…all my fault…”   
  
And he cried so wretchedly. She rubbed his back and thought of how, had he gone, he’d have been the 70th person dead. Personally she’d thanked Hisakawa for removing him just before this so now she wasn’t all alone. Yamada told her he’d been so angry at him for thinking of Shin when he had a wife and child. No…Yamada told her when he said he wanted to be a doctor he wanted to save people. He wanted to save all of them. 

He mourned himself into a miserable sleep and she closed her eyes. She wouldn’t let him believe that because he put his full self forward to try to help, to save them all. He may have done it the wrong way but he didn’t have to. He could’ve given up on Shin long ago. He cared about his friend. 

…When their Shin was born, she knew he’d remember this every time he looked into their son’s face. She just hoped he wouldn’t feel pain…just that this was the fresh opportunity to grow out of their mistakes and start over once more. 

It could still be a new day. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

Yagami Dana was sewing a tear in one of the neighborhood children's school uniform at Kaga's one day in March. The baby was due in two weeks and everyone insisted she take it easy but she couldn't stand just sitting around at home. Not when Yamada, still full of sorrow, had carried himself off to work perhaps three days after the incident. Apparently when Souma went to talk to him, he told Yamada to take the rest of the month off. Even the school gave him mental health leave. However, Dana knew if her husband just sat around he'd become even more depressed so he went about life as usual. That...was the sickening thing about death. While one person's journey had ended, the rest of them had to keep going as if nothing had changed when it had. It would never be the same again.   
  


Rosie was at the register, smiling as she adjusted a vase of flowers. She'd been so happy lately, Chet and her in a relationship. Choco raised hell about it at least twice a day but thankfully Rosie didn't seem to care as much. Maybe they'd get married one day soon too...   
  
Dana smiled softly when she got her check and thanked Rosie as usual. “Of course, sweetie. Are you and Yamada okay? You let us know if you two need anything.”   
  
“I will. Thank you so much.”   
  
And, as usual, she headed to the grocery store and got some potatoes, cheese, and bacon along with other veggies. Maybe Yamada’s favorite meal would lift his spirits at least a little. Oh, maybe if she called Tep he’d get some beer too. She…still wasn’t old enough. 

“Shin, really” Dana groaned when her big baby kicked what felt like her rib, “You’re such a busy body. Hold still.”   
  
She paused in front of their apartment, staring at where the pavement was just a little discolored. Right here. He had to pass it every day. Just…why here?   
  


Opening the door to their apartment, she set down all the ingredients on the table and started to make dinner. Her sweetie plum had stopped fidgeting for the moment so she figured he was going down for a nap before food. It was so interesting to her when she could tell he was asleep. She…she just couldn’t wait to hold him in her arms and take care of him on the outside. They’d made it. And…maybe his papa would smile happily again too now. 

So she sat down to watch television while the unhealthy casserole was in the oven, a normal Friday as any. Last Friday, her poor Yamada started to say he’d have to go out…but paused…and sat back down. He…he needed time. 

Dana yelped when it sounded like crashing outside of the door. What?! Her pulse went through the roof as she heard yelling and…and what?! 

The door rattled open and she was frozen, wondering what was about to beset her…and her heart stopped. 

Two of the Kobayashi guards threw Yamada to the floor face first, her husband grunting at the impact. No. _No_ , why _now_?! She shook when the almost forgotten figures of her mother and father walked in, appearing disdainful. How…? _How_? 

“…You really are an ignorant child, aren’t you?” her mother said after some moments of silence. 

“Why?” she whispered. 

“I see no reason to answer that. Look at that swollen gut. Ugh, disgraceful.”   
  
No. _No_. They wouldn’t take him. This was a fully formed baby that she wanted, they wouldn’t take him! In a moment of madness, she ran at the guards and startled one of them enough to fall back away from Yamada. The other quickly pressed a gun to his temple and she choked. “P-Please, miss, stop.”   
  
Crumbling to her knees beside Yamada, he just gazed at her. 

It was over. They lost. They lost everything. 

“Fortunately for _you_ and your foolishness, when I informed your father of our plans to abort he was completely and utterly against it for…morality reasons. He insisted you carry the bastard to term and we send it far away.”   
  
Dana gritted her teeth and hugged her stomach. No. _No_. “When you ran off, we decided to bide our time to the eighth month. We didn’t have a single clue where you were but one was neatly dropped into your fiance’s lap.”   
  
… _How_? _How_? Suddenly, Yamada turned face down into the ground and laughed. What was even _remotely_ funny?! Alas, in a miserable tone, he replied, “Shin told them where we were. He must’ve thought it’d keep him alive…”   
  
…That’s… 

…That’s how…they dropped him off…in front of the house…he…he showed them…where they lived? Yamada muttered, “You were a bastard until the second you died.”   
  
“Well, regardless of all that, your little hafu lover here will face the consequences” her mother continued gravely, “Even if our laws say it’s legal to bear a child at sixteen, you were fifteen upon conceiving and that’s a punishable offense.” 

“No!!” Dana sobbed. 

“I’ll hear no complaints from you. To think if I’d just locked you away none of this would have happened. I’m just grateful your fiancé is so understanding and forgiving. He’s perfectly aware of your condition and is still willing to take you as his wife.”   
  
To torture her for the rest of her life!! “I-I am an adult by the way of Japanese law and there is nothing requiring me to go with you _anywhere_. Even my true identification clarifies that and if I want to stay with my child then that is fully my right” she spat. 

Yamada let out of a breath of relief. Yes…yes, she’d at least learned that much. She _was_ hers to do with as she pleased. Her father glanced to her mother who seemed passive. “That’s very true. Except what precisely are you going to do without your hafu?”   
  
… 

“Don’t listen to her, Dana” Yamada whispered, “It’ll be fine. The others will take care of you and I’ll just…just go to jail. Whatever.”   
  
…No. _No,_ he wouldn’t. Domo would have him murdered in prison and have it look like an accident that normally happened. Even if he did make it out alive, his scholarships, his career, his _standing_ …all of it would be _gone_ and… 

…Here she was, hoping again. Or gambling. They seemed to be synonymous. Heart in her throat, Dana shook, “I-I’ll go on a few conditions.”   
  
“Dana, _no--_ ” 

“You think you’re in any place to negotiate?” glared her mother. 

Dana scoffed, “I’m not the one that would get to go back to the Kamaishi and say my daughter refused your offer, am I?”   
  
Her mother recoiled. She wasn’t used to that, her talking back. No…the subservience was over. She knew freedom and she was having it taken away from her again. Being submissive ever again though…? Never. “You leave him alone. You leave my _husband_ alone. I wouldn’t even let you prosecute him, I’d say I lied about my age, forged documents, and be the one to go to prison just to shame your petty family. You leave him _out of this_.”   
  
“Dana!” Yamada snapped. 

“…Fine.”   
  
“And…you let me have my baby…and you let me leave it with him…” Dana whispered, her voice breaking. She…she was so…looking forward to… “Until then, allow me to stay here. I’m…I’m only a week or so out.”   
  
Her mother stared at her so hatefully. She hated this. To have equal weight on her footing was abominable in her sight. So be it. The woman stalked toward the door, infuriated, “You watch this door and make sure she doesn’t escape! And if any of his filthy cronies think about an ambush, we’ll have them shot down too!”   
  
Sickening. The guards got off Yamada who stood up quickly, appearing ready to fight regardless. No…it was no use…they lost this fight. 

Shutting the door, she took deep breaths, her blood pressure through the roof. She could feel it. Yamada stared at her hard, his fists shaking. Maybe he wanted to hit her. “…What the hell am I supposed to do, raising a baby by myself? You’re his mama. You’re going to be the one he wants in the middle of the night, not _me_. You’re gonna be the one that would nurse and-and know what he’s feeling, I have pretty much _never_ been nurtured. Why—why did you _do that_?! I’d rather die in prison than ruin my child!”   
  
She grimaced, almost shivering herself. It…it had to be done. And she…she had a selfish request. “I want you to be a doctor.”   
  
“ _Dana_. I cannot be a _doctor_ raising a child on my own _and_ working a full-time job to support him!”   
  
“Of course you can” she said evenly, “Didn’t you tell me you’ve had every obstacle thrown at you your entire life? Here’s the next one.” 

He stared at her incredulously. “I’m sorry, Dana, I think I met my limit being the single dad of a newborn while going to work _and_ trying to go to med school, call me crazy.”   
  
Shaking her head, she rubbed her stomach and rasped. “I-I’m sorry. You have to. You _have to_. I-I need to make a selfish request because I won’t let them ruin you. I won’t.”   
  
“Dana--” 

“Become a doctor…and…get me back…” 

  
Her…soon to be ex-husband, not by choice, looked confused. “What? I don’t…”   
  
“I won’t let them ruin you when you can have everything, when you _deserve_ everything. If they sent you to jail and had you murdered, what would they do to Shin and I? We need you. _You’re_ the important link, Yamada.”   
  
“T-That’s not true--” he protested. 

“It is!!” she snapped, tears welling in her eyes. Everything was _perfect._ Absolutely _perfect_. She had Yagada, she was going to have her sweetie plum, she had her _husband_. It was all absolutely _perfect_ and it all crumbled to oblivion in a matter of weeks. Now…now they had to start over and it…it was all on Yamada’s shoulders. 

  
Wiping her face, she choked, “You-you are the main piece. Maybe you think I need to be here but I’m absolutely useless to you. Yes, I could watch the baby while you’re doing all you need to do but _you’re_ the one supporting us and working toward a lucrative goal. I’m just _chipping_ at it, you’re almost through your _prerequisites_. I-I don’t _want_ to become utterly useless to you, I _don’t_. But-But I’m your wife. I-I won’t stop being your wife until you say so an-and I-I need you to succeed.”   
  
He looked so upset. She was causing him _more_ misery, he _just_ watched his best friend die and witnessed a mass murder. She…she knew it would come to this. She just knew… 

Finally, he slowly walked over to her and hugged her shoulders tightly. “…You…are not even _remotely_ useless. Not even _a tiny bit_. I would be _no one_ without you and-and I am so-so angry with myself for n-not being worth more to save you now. For all I’ve done, I’m-I’m still…just the hafu. I have to let my wife sacrifice herself so I can work for God knows how long to get you back from that-that _bastard_. That bastard that murdered my son of a bitch best friend and over fifty people—I am sending my _wife_ to that person and _I_ can’t do a thing. You…you are _not_ useless.”   
  
“Yama--” 

“Do you still want to name the baby Shin?” he interrupted. 

Dana almost hesitated but somehow it felt like even the baby answered. “…Yes. We’re not…naming him after Shin’s mistakes. We’re naming him after his unforeseen potential. Besides…I think he likes Shin more than ‘Ryuusuke’.”   
  
“…Did we decide on a middle name?”   
  
She sat down. Her baby…Yamada would be raising her baby. He wouldn’t even know her. Biting her lip, she whimpered, “David.”   
  
“David?”   
  
“I-It means ‘beloved’. My…beloved…baby…”   
  
Part of her now wished he’d just stay inside of her. To think she’d been looking forward to seeing her little sweetie plum and now…? Now… 

She wouldn’t see him for who knows how long. 

…They lost. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_Diapers. Yamada would need all the diapers he could get. And formula. She…she couldn’t nurse Shin like she planned. It…it all made her so…broken…_

_Yamada had headed off to work in a fog and she was going to do the same. She glared as the guards stopped her at the door. “Miss, you have to stay here.”  
  
“I do not. I have no plans to run off” she glowered, “I’m going to work so I can get more supplies for my child you rotten bastards are all taking me from so either come with me or fight me.”   
  
They both looked appalled but not because she said she’d fight them but that she was working. _

_"Miss, this is...is abysmal. Please, allow us to simply buy the supplies for you. A Kobayashi madam working--"_

_Dana glared angrily, "I will never be a Kobayashi again a day of my life. Until I am forced to marry that scum of the earth, I am a Yagami and I will work."  
  
Proudly she walked away without another word, the two weakly following her. It was more bravado than she actually felt though. She... _

_She was leaving her baby. She...she was leaving her Yamada._

_Her lip trembled as she entered the shop, smiling wearily when Rosie looked up to greet her as usual. The blonde woman's normally cheerful face melted into confusion. "Uh...hey, Dana."  
  
"Hello, Rosie" Dana murmured. _

_Choco stared, mystified, at Dana's new entourage, from behind the counter. Clearing her throat, she mumbled, "Guys, I have a confession to make: I'm from a very rich family. I ran away from home to marry Yamada but they've found me and they're going to take me back after I have the baby. These guys here are to make sure I don't make a run for it. I-I apologize for any inconvenience this may cause to you both."  
  
Rosie gaped speechlessly and Dana rubbed her arm, "I-If it's all right, I'd-I'd like to continue working until then. I-I want to earn and get enough diapers to leave behind with Yamada and our son. And formula. He's...he's going to need it."   
  
"T-That's--that's fine" Rosie whispered. _

_Dana felt relieved, bowing, which caused more dismay amongst her guards. A 'Kobayashi' madam bowing? And bowing to a 'hafu'? She...she felt ill just thinking about what she was about to return to. Sitting down, she started on the day's hemming. She wasn't surprised when both Choco and Rosie came to crowd closely to her..._

_"Dana" Rosie rasped, "You-you don't have to go. There are laws!"  
  
"I know" Dana murmured, threading a needle, "...The problem is they have too much leverage against Yamada. I won't let them hurt him. They can legally hurt him and I won't stand for it. I traded myself instead. He's...he's going to raise our baby and do his best to get into medical school. I believe in him."   
  
"Raising a baby by himself?" Choco said, aghast, "A single father? Raising a baby?"   
  
Apparently the very idea tormented Yamada last night too. He tossed and turned in his sleep, actually cursing Shin's name a number of times. When he woke this morning, he looked...so sad. She did this. She...she was wrecking his life. _

_Alas. "I believe in my Yamachin. He can do it. I have faith in him."  
  
Rosie scowled, "It's not that Yamada can't, Dana, but he shouldn't. There has to be something we can do."   
  
Dana breathed out as she took down a little girl's dress, seeing the hole she needed to mend. "My fiancée is Kamaishi Domo, the drug lord and the one that just commanded the near a hundred people here be slaughtered along with Shin. There's nothing to be done."   
  
They both blanched and Dana gave them a wistful smile, "...Just, please, if...if you see Yamada should need it, offer him a hand."   
  
With that, they both just kind of sat quietly as if they needed to digest this information. She was going to marry a murderer. Shin kicked in her belly and she felt tears roll down her face. _

_...Ha. Here she was the princess again, needing to be saved by her long-suffering knight. She rubbed her belly and inhaled, choking down her bitterness. But papa could do it, Shin. He...he was the most capable person she'd ever met._

_The only person she truly, completely believes in._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXx 

He couldn't do it. 

Yagami Yamada, even in the midst of his mourning, was so excited about the prospect of his child, the prospect of his family. He was even counting down to the due date, damn it. Then this bulls--t happens and he was now praying his son stay inside of Dana for another couple years. However, as a potential doctor, that...was not the sort of madness he ought to hope for. 

So yes, in March, his beautiful wife was just miserably sitting on the couch while those bastard guards of her loitered around when the baby decided it was time to go. Yamada was just grateful it was a Saturday else he wasn't sure he trusted they wouldn't just take her and dump their child somewhere. 

While he wanted her to go to Souma, she ended up being taken to some hyper private hospital. They registered her as Wada Sara and it just pissed him the hell off. Leave it to his beautiful wife though... 

_"My name is Yagami Dana. There will be nothing else on my son's birth certificate."  
  
_ How was he supposed to do this without her? He sat by her side with this crushing weight about to come bearing down on him at any minute. She clenched his hand, crying as she suffered through contractions and pushing for a baby she'd been waiting for for nine whole months. They were supposed to raise this baby. 'THEY'. He'd gritted his teeth when he thought about it, thought about how Shin probably said 'please, I have good information for you' and showed them where he lived. Probably told Domo himself 'it was that guy that was at the bar that night that took your wife'. In his head, he could forgive Shin of everything else. All of it. But that? That, if he saw Shin in the afterlife, he'd beat his ass for for all eternity. He was naming his son after the guy that took the babe's mother away. 

Little Shin David Yagami came out shrieking and Yamada felt the crushing in his very soul. Dana was shaking when the doctor cleaned him and cut his umbilical cord...and tried to hand him straight to Yamada. "You give that baby to his mother, damn you."   
  
The nurse glowered at him, disgusted, but settled their weeping newborn in Dana's arms. Dana inhaled softly, her voice full of such whimsy despite _everything._ "Oh! Oh, Yamada, look!"   
  
He settled beside her weakly and looked to the biggest challenge of his life. 

He was...so tiny. Little tufts of soft downy brown hair was pressed to his skull and he looked infuriated about this inconvenience. However, what apparently had Dana delighted despite it all was Shin had the clearest blue eyes, one of his largest burdens coming up in this world. 

They were beautiful. 

All Yamada wanted in the universe was for them to have at least a day together as a family. He took pictures of Dana with their baby and some of them together, thankfully, because perhaps not even five hours later, her family showed up. 

"You lousy motherf--kers!" Yamada screamed as they had Dana wheeled out in a chair, "She _just gave birth_. You should f--king care enough to not move her around _yet_!" 

"Please! Such vulgarities" her mother spat, "To think such an uncouth _muck blood_ would gain your attentions! I am ashamed to even think it!"   
  
Ugh. Dana had glared at the woman, "Yamada won't ever be able to shame me the way being your blood has."   
  
The woman's nostrils flared as Dana turned to him, looking so...firm. "I love you."   
  
"I...I love you too" he whispered, trembling. 

And just like that, they took her. In a similar fashion, he and Shin were put out of that hospital so fast he didn't know what hit him. They didn't do one damn test on him or anything. They didn't make sure he was okay or nourished or _one damn thing_. 

He was on his own. 

"...This is literally the craziest thing I've featured in my lifetime, Yamada, and I've seen some things."   
  
Doctor Souma Bryant pressed the stethoscope to Shin's chest, a dismayed look on his face. Luckily he wasn't speaking on anything to do with his brand new infant but the fact that Yamada was basically in possession of a baby with five hours of life. Even if Souma delivered a baby at the clinic, they were transported to a hospital just to be certain. Souma glared, shaking his head. 

"He's...he's good. I mean, his lungs are fully formed, his heart is fully formed. This is a healthy baby. Except he is not even a day old and in the outside world with all its afflictions and diseases and his mother was probably booted off to start starving for a damn wedding!"   
  
Yamada grimaced as Shin started to cry due to the noise and quickly picked his son up, patting his back. "T-There, there, Shin. I-it's not that serious."   
  
"I'm sorry" Souma whispered, his shoulders slouching, "I just...I just can't believe this."   
  
He couldn't? Ask Yamada a year ago if he knew he was going to be put on 'paternity leave' to raise his newborn son for two months by himself after his wife was taken away due to his murdered best friend snitching to her fiancé’s gokudo family and he'd have flat out called them crazy. No, this was unbelievable and yet, here he was. 

"Shin, r-really, man, it's okay."   
  
Yamada walked back and forth in his apartment, holding the infant as he cried absolute murder. A week. It'd been a week and the baby was not satisfied with one thing he'd done. He fed him, he changed his diaper, he tried to rock him to sleep--at least 65 percent of this baby's day was spent crying in turmoil. 

Something had to be wrong, he assumed, even taking him back to Souma to make sure he wasn't sick. The doctor reluctantly mentioned that the voice Shin heard a hundred solid percent of his development and what little bonding they could do was with his _mother_. Yea, Yamada had short conversations with her stomach, most of them requesting Shin be a girl. The poor thing was not getting what he bargained for. 

But he was _trying_ , he thought weakly as Shin choked on weeping. He really was! This was hard on him too though. He slept literally three hours this week. Shin was up in hysterics all times of night and he couldn't even soothe him _slightly_. Fact of the matter was, the baby kind of seemed to hate his guts. Maybe naming him Shin wasn't a great idea. 

Yamada was trying not to get the boy fixated on milk as his coping mechanism but that was basically all that shut him up. God, _formula._ They had instructions on the container but it felt like he was composing the cure for death, some advance formula that would have chemists scratching their head and it was combining water and powder. God help him if he messed it up though. 

Getting one of the bottles he'd managed to prepare from the refrigerator, he ran it under the hot tap for a while until it was nice and warm. Managing to maneuver Shin and check it on his wrist, he was satisfied it was right. This boy sure as hell did not like lukewarm milk and Yamada wasn't a fan of blisters. 

Slumping on the couch, a second away from falling into a coma, he leaned back and stuck the rubber nipple into Shin's screaming mouth. The drink cut his wails short and he sniffled before suckling. He was content with this apparently, his watery eyes staring up at Yamada. Yamada gave him a weary smile. By God, he was so annoying, but he was so perfect too. He looked more and more like his mother to him with that dark hair and pearly skin. Unlike _his_ mother, if someone had some s--t to say about _his_ son's eyes, he'd punch them between theirs. 

He went to sleep, a mercy Yamada rarely saw. Originally he thought 'when he sleeps, I will' but that was pure fantasy. He needed to do some laundry and the dishes. The house could not get dusty or dirty because if Shin got sick, it was over. The hell he'd raise would wake their dead ancestors. So he needed to clean, do laundry, try to make himself something to eat, get bottles prepared, and hopefully get the checks written for bills to be paid. Once he signed his name on the dotted line, Shin was back to his caterwauling. 

"Shin, what do you want?" Yamada sobbed, "What will it take to satisfy you? Do you want more milk? Do you want me to sing to you? What do you _need_ ?"   
  
Naturally he didn't answer, being a week old. And also, naturally, because he needed his mother. He...he wasn't going to be able to offer that. 

On bottle number four, Yamada sat while feeding Shin and studied. He was still on a 'mental health' leave from college so by the time his paternity leave ended he'd be going back to school. Might as well start the torture all at once. 

So he got Shin to sleep for, oh, two hours. He'd take two hours of sleep over none but, sure enough, an hour in his mind was flooded with blood and frozen eyes. Carnage...and pleas of 'help'. 'Help'. 

Yamada stared at the ceiling as Shin screamed, trying to move but trapped. He'd hid it from Dana but when he woke up from a nightmare, he couldn’t move. His whole body...felt like ice, like the very warmth had been sucked out of his veins. Shin...Shin certainly wouldn't understand that. 

Forcing himself to action like his joints were made of wood, Yamada picked up his oblivious son and shakily hushed him while crying himself. He couldn't do this. He just lost his best friend, he just witnessed a slaughter he was entirely helpless to, he just lost his wife, and here he was, caring for an infant that needed nurturing he'd never even received himself? 

He couldn't do this. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_"Oh, Yamada."  
  
Yagami Yamada was ready to leave his son. Somewhere. It wouldn't just be anywhere, after all, it'd be somewhere where his boy was safe and would be in more capable hands than his. Perhaps Dana's grandfather. Or Souma. Souma was kind of like Shin's grandpa. _

_Week three and Shin cried, perhaps, fifty percent of the time now. Yes, there was improvement, but not enough for Yamada to confidently say it was good. Three weeks, there had to be some kind of acceptance. Says an adult to a being that didn't even comprehend his own existence._

_At eight pm, like two angels, Kari and Mina showed up. Dana had requested they look out for him but Mina had just started college after clearing her exam and Kari had a ton of work with her new modeling agency. He perfectly understood them not being able to stop by. Really, all of them now had responsibilities, Tep, Jum, Roller, them...there just wasn't time anymore to think about other people._

_Alas, some marvelous hole must've entered their schedule and the two instantly told him upon seeing him to go to sleep, they'd stay up with Shin. It was a blessing beyond blessings and he thanked them so much they told him to 'shut up, you're delirious' and shoved him to his bedroom._

_And...he tried. He fell asleep for about two hours before another crippling nightmare paralyzed him to force him to think about what had happened for the umpteenth time. But...that wasn't the only thing this time. He heard Shin's wailing. He...he couldn't sleep when his son was sobbing._

_So, sorrowful, he wandered out of the room where indeed Kari was attempting to comfort the poor babe. Mina was cleaning up for him and they were just...awesome. Alas... "Hey, give him here."  
  
Kari looked up, startled, "No way, Yamada, we've got this--I'm sorry, he's just a little upset, I guess. We'll get him quiet so you can sleep." _

_"It's nothing like that..." he murmured, sitting beside her and taking Shin back, "...I don't think I can sleep with him being upset like this. Not the noise, just...something bothering him bothers me too."  
  
Kari frowned as he rocked Shin, gently hushing him and telling him it was all okay, despite what he believed. "...Yamada, you don't look so good right now. But you're so adorable."   
  
"What are you saying?" he scoffed, closing his eyes, "...I don't know what to do for him, Kari. He wants Dana and I-I let his mother get taken from him. I knew something was fishy about them dropping Shin off in front of this place but ask me if I did a thing about it. I didn't. I let his mother get taken and here he is stuck with some father incapable of figuring out his needs and is crippled by anxiety and depression. I don't...I don't think I can do this. I just can't."   
  
Mina was wiping out a glass as she emerged, a scowl on her face. "...Yamada, we can't be there as much as we really want to be. I'm sorry, I truly am."   
  
"I know, I'm not trying to guilt you guys--" _

_"We know you're not" Kari murmured, patting his hand, "I'm going to interject on what Mina's going to try to say because she has a way of making things sound really jerky. But you know you can do this. We know you can do this. You know you love this baby and you know that you're trying your best. That's all that matters."_

_Hardly! Mina nodded, leering, "...I wasn't going to be jerky. I was going to say that out of anyone I know, you can do this, Yamada. Dana wouldn't have suggested it if she didn't think you were capable of coming through for your son, you know that."_

_"It'd be fine if he didn't hate me."_

_Kari smiled as Shin whimpered between cries, staring up at him, "I don't think he 'hates you', Yamada. Just keep talking to him."_

Keep talking to him. He talked to Shin all the time and it certainly had not ceased his crying. Really, he…was all he had to talk to. 

Yamada was staring at his organic chemistry book, not sure if it was the subject matter or that he was going on two hours making it hard to stay conscious. No, he loved chemistry, he was just dying. He raised a brow at Shin who was in some peculiar stage of fussing. It wasn’t crying but it certainly wasn’t him being quiet. Yamada groaned and went to get the boy a small nighttime bottle. Was this a sign if his son needed a drink before bed? 

Ah, there was the crying he was used to, Yamada thought dryly as he returned. Setting Shin so he could feed him and continue to read, Yamada hummed. He really needed to start considering other options. It wasn’t unheard of to have another relative raise a child while trying to get everything in order. The sooner he could get into residency, the sooner he could get Dana back where she belonged. He just didn’t think it was possible with Shin. 

He glanced at his son, suckling his bottle contently. The poor guy was only happy when he was eating. He…he was missing something. Rosie had come by to check on him today and she was gushing to Shin while she held him, giving him kisses. He…had not kissed his son, he believed. Wasn’t that weird? Should he go around giving kisses to his kid? His mother, to his memory, never kissed him. Nonetheless, it…did seem natural and Shin had quieted, seeming stunned. _Affection_ …yea, that might be important. He was useless at this. 

Leaning over, he awkwardly kissed Shin’s forehead. The baby looked at him like he was crazy. “Yea, buddy, sorry.”   
  
Yamada frowned when Shin did touch his hand though. No, that…wasn’t right. Affection was a perfectly normal thing. It was only abnormal to him because he’d not had it. He…he didn’t want that for his son. He kissed his forehead again and rested his head near the pillow Shin was nestled between. They never did get around to the crib so mostly the baby just took where Dana used to sleep. 

…His confidence wasn’t very strong. His son needed more than he could give as he was now and…and one day he would be able to. Just…as a parent? He…he wasn’t certain what love was. Never had he thought his mother loved him. 

And…he was so tired. This was literally more tiring than having three jobs. How? One not even month old was this much trouble? He stared at Shin’s side view before it got all blurry… 

_No. God, no, let him go._

_Yamada trembled as he sat in Hisakawa’s apartment. The blood was dripping from the ceiling and dead bodies were stacked that high. Hisakawa’s dead body was next to him, his lips whispering ‘help’ in an endless loop. ‘Help’, ‘help’, ‘help’._

_As usual, all he could do was sit and take in the horror of it all. Sometimes Dana would come but she couldn’t see it because she hadn’t. She’d say in an optimistic tone ‘it’ll be all right’. How? Did she see this mayhem? No…she didn’t._

_Today though…today, it was Jonathan James, his father._

_Yea, he was going off the damn deep end. He hadn’t met this man a day of his life, what the living hell did he have to do with this? The man stared at him and Yamada could only stare back. What…?  
  
“…Take care of your son. Look at him” James said softly. _

_…Oh shit!_

Yamada gasped, sitting up and horrified. _S—t!_ He never fell—was he okay?! “Shin?!” he rasped. 

He looked to his side, his heart in his throat. His baby. He could be crying and suffering and he fell _asleep_?! This is why he didn’t deserve to be a dad! 

Shaking with fear, he stopped when he found Shin perfectly still. _No_. No, no, no, not…not after all this. Getting closer, covering his mouth to quell his nausea, he paused. Wait. 

Shin’s breathing was so peaceful and alive. The little being looked so comfortable nestled between the pillows under his blanket. Yamada carefully picked up the bottle that had fallen out of his hand and set it on the nightstand. Wait… 

…Was Shin asleep? As in, _still asleep_? He looked at the brass alarm clock and found he’d fallen asleep around eleven and it was four…? His son had slept for _five hours_? 

Yamada was beside himself. “Oh my God, Shin, y-you’re still asleep. You’re _sleeping_.”   
  
This was a _miracle_! He didn’t even know what to do with himself! He looked around in amazement, actually folding his hands as if in prayer. What did he do? “What…what do I do?”   
  
… “Oh my God, I’m going _back_ to sleep.”   
  
Resuming his position, so excited, it wasn’t until he closed his eyes he realized he came out of that nightmare not paralyzed in fear and disturbed. 

…Thanks, dad. Never met you and stood a chance his dream version was entirely incorrect but…thanks. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

“You’re so great, Shin. You must’ve known your old man needed a little down time.” 

Yamada never thought it’d happen again, at least right now, but he was so happy and content he could smack himself. Yes, Shin still got up at seven in the morning but that was _eight hours_ of sleep. He got a full night of rest with a newborn! 

He was carrying Shin around while he fed him his bottle. The baby really hadn’t even cried when he woke up, just fussing again. Yamada got up, just plain delighted. It was a fluke but he needed it. 

“You know what, Shin? We’re gonna go walk around, just you and me” Yamada nodded, “We’ll go to the old hood and visit some people. Then I’ll take you to the park and you can see some stuff.”   
  
Shin gazed at him absently as Yamada went to grab things he had to make the trip easier. While he never even thought to dare to take the emotional babe out, he knew he at least needed a bottle or two for emergencies and, holy God, he ought to take thirty diapers even if they were out for an hour. And probably a clean pair of clothes because he was a mess. How had mankind made it before all this? 

He settled Shin in the sling Dana had gotten, thankful it was blue and not some absurd color she’d be excited by. Shin seemed to find the thing whimsical, looking around as he was curled close to his chest. “We sleep good like this more often, pal, we can do lots of stuff.”   
  
Well. Trekking down the stairs, Yamada took a deep breath of the morning air. Maybe he’d go get _breakfast_. He hadn’t had breakfast in forever! Tucking Shin in a little tighter to make sure he was warm, he smiled…which caused people to give him strange looks on the road. Some crazy guy was carrying a baby around with a goofy grin on his face. West Wasaba would crumble in horror. 

Sure enough, when he got back to the neighborhood he grew up in, his acquaintances and comrades did stare at him weirdly. He had some name around here, something brutal and legendary but he found all that ridiculous so he could never remember the damn thing. Whatever it was, carrying around a baby in a giddy mood was not elevating it. 

He passed Ole first, the guy smoking a cigarette as usual. Yamada didn’t want Shin coughing or inhaling it so he almost said he’d wait but Ole put it out to look at Shin. “Ain’t he a cute booger? Looks a lot like you and Dana.”   
  
“Really?” Yamada scowled pensively, looking at Shin, “I really only see his mom beside the eyes.”   
  
“No way, man. He’s brunette, that’s about it.”   
  
Eh? Ole said he’d catch up with him later, he was just on a smoke break from work. Did Shin look like him? He didn’t see it, he was such a cute baby. He wondered what his mom thought when he popped out with light hair and blue eyes. Probably cursed the heavens for denying all genetic probability. 

… “…I’d like to take you to meet your grandma, Shin, but…let’s not worry about that.”   
  
Like usual, Tep, Jum, and Roller were on the street corner shooting the s—t. Or, he thought that had died down a little bit, they had jobs and training. Yamada approached them, “Hey, guys.”   
  
They all looked up, seeming surprised, before…an awkward expression crossed their faces. Oh great. “Uh, hey, Yamada.”   
  
“What’s up?”   
  
“Nothing much…” Jum drawled. 

Oh no, _something_ was up. “How’s it been going? I’ve been so busy with the kid I haven’t gotten a chance to visit a whole lot. He’s a handful.”   
  
The trio looked down at Shin who stared back. He was being so good and quiet, what _was_ this? About to praise his son not crying because they were breathing oxygen, Tep finally said, “Why would you name him that?”   
  
There it goes. “What? Shin?”   
  
“Um, yea?” scoffed Roller, “Look, dude, we all grew up together with Shin but the fact remains that over sixty people died because he was a thieving bastard. Not to mention a _snitch_. That’s the kinda karma you want for your kid?”   
  
Seriously? “Look, I might’ve been fatherly or big brother with Shin but he was _not_ my son. I tried to guide him onto a path that wouldn’t have led to this but I failed. But let’s just face it: he did not have the groundwork he needed to choose a better route and I wasn’t more than an annoying friend to him. But _this_ Shin? He _is_ my kid so I am going to raise him with the strongest foundation I can provide. There’s no ‘karma’ about it or bad mojo or any superstitious stuff.” 

They just seemed skeptical. “I just don’t think it’s a good thing, Yamada. What about when he gets made fun of for having the name of a murderer?”   
  
“What the f—you guys were _there_ , Shin didn’t kill anyone!” 

“What are you saying?” Tep demanded, “If he hadn’t have been trying to be crooked, none of those people would be dead and he’d be alive right now! You wouldn’t be a single father either!”   
  
Ugh, they were killing his vibe. Baby Shin suddenly touched his hand and he looked down at him. 

…Meh, they could go to hell, this kid’s name was Shin and he’d do so f—king good at life they would slap themselves thinking this baloney. Kissing his son’s forehead, Yamada shook his head, “…Took the hand I was dealt. And this one? He’s my boy. And he’s gonna be _excellent._ ” 

Not wanting to deal with that anymore, he dismissed himself and started toward the local diner. His mother didn’t usually work the breakfast shift so he could get himself some pancakes and sausage. Shin squirmed a little under his blanket before making…noises. Not crying _or_ fussing, just noises. Yamada awkwardly gave the boy another kiss on the forehead, unable to hide how pleased he was with him. Fluke but he’d take it. 

“Yamada, doll! How ya’ doing?” asked one of the longtime waitresses at the diner. 

“Pretty good, ma’am” he answered, sitting at the counter. He did a once over _just_ to make sure but didn’t see his mother. 

The woman frowned as she poured him a cup of coffee, “You look like you don’t sleep a wink. That your baby?” 

“Yea, he’s a little bit of a handful” Yamada sighed, starting to grab a bottle for him, “But he’s being really good today. Last night I even got eight hours of sleep.” 

With a laugh, the waitress set a menu in front of him, “Well, don’t expect _that_ much.”   
  
Yamada smirked as Shin opened his mouth expectantly as the nipple of the bottle got closer. “Yea, I know. And he’s going to be fat.” 

“A fat baby is a happy baby” the woman said sagely, “What can I get ya?”   
  
“Pancakes and sausage…and some eggs, sunny side up” he nodded. Today was a good day for a treat. 

Shin fell into another peaceful sleep, his face rested against Yamada’s chest. It…it felt good. Really good, actually. Suddenly he had confidence that his baby was happy, at least for this moment. He…he guessed the anxiety was from thinking he wasn’t doing enough. 

…Tomorrow, he’d probably back into full on terror mode if not by tonight. Alas, today…today was a good day. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_…Oh no, he was attached._

_Yagami Yamada rubbed his forehead, full of anxiety and horror. Shin was curled up in the sling and mewling, looking up at him with those big blue eyes. Damn it._

_…He figured it was a fluke, that his son was just having an off day. Except, apparently, the crying days were a fluke? He really didn’t cry very often unless he was wet or dissatisfied with the position he was in. Nope, Shin became simply the happiest baby ever and Yamada was so confused._

_His idea was to give him to Dana’s grandfather for a while. He’d even started discussing it with Souma and while his pseudo-father didn’t think it was a great idea, he did agree him working, going to school, and caring for a baby would be absurd._

_Now though? Yamada groaned and smiled down at his contented son. This was HIS damn baby. Shin must have come to grips with things and was just…calm enough for Yamada to function perfectly. He was studying and very prepared for his next set of courses as a result. He kept a neat house again and Shin…LIKED him. So fast forward to two days before he had to go back to work and school and he was sure as hell NOT giving his son to Dana’s grandfather. This was HIS baby._

_So that brought up the question ‘who takes care of baby while daddy’s away?’._

_Things would be in impossible mode if he attempted daycare. He wouldn’t be making nearly enough to fund that and them…living. What he would like is to bring him to work. While Souma said it COULD be fine, Yamada wasn’t quite happy to leave the baby by himself for hours on end and where would he go when Yamada had to go to school?_

_He needed a babysitter. Kari worked full-time, Mina would probably be in some classes with him, and the doofus trio were still sanctimonious about him naming his son after Shin. Not that he’d trust them even if they weren’t being jackasses, they’d probably never even seen a baby before Shin._

_…The only LOGICAL thing would be for him to take him to Dana’s grandpa. However, he…he’d probably think about the little guy all day and miss him horrendously. And to be all alone in that apartment without even a piece of his family? He…he couldn’t do it._

_“We’ll make a way, won’t we?” Yamada murmured to Shin, rubbing the baby’s back._

_Shin held his finger, trying to nibble or…gum it. So silly. Yamada was about to end their walk through East Wasaba, needing the fresh air…_

_“Stop it! Let me go!”_

_He paused, startled. That voice sounded familiar. Surveying the area quickly, he looked across the street only to find Hamasaki Ayame being harassed by some guys._

_…Jeez. He crossed over and as he got closer heard their remarks. It was about what he expected. ‘Your brother’s a no-good snitch’. ‘Your brother’s a bastard so you must be a bitch’. ‘My cousin died because of your brother’. Nothing that had even had a speck to do with her. He cleared his throat._

_All four of them looked up, their eyes dark. The orneriest of the bunch scoffed, “Whaddya want?”_

_“I think you need to leave her alone and pretend you don’t even know her from now on, y’know?” Yamada remarked._

_“And who the f—k are you? Carrying a baby around like some sissy?” the guy heckled._

_They started to laugh and taunt, generally what he’d expect from fourteen-year-olds. He tried again. “I’m giving you one last chance. Leave her alone and this won’t go badly for you.”_

_“Go to hell, you stupid gaijin” the ‘leader’ spat, “The only one this is going badly for is you. Get ‘em!”_

_Ugh, why? Yamada absently held up a hand, signaling ‘one moment’. They all glared at him quizzically as he covered Shin’s face with his blanket. He shouldn’t see violence so young._

_The boy yelped when Yamada was able to dry lift him off the ground with one arm and pretty much hurl him into two of the others. Still had it. He was getting worried. Yamada was a little disappointed when the last of the four lunged at him, yelling, and all it took was one punch to send him packing. Punks. At their age, he was a monster. They were all whining and trying to compose themselves as he glared at them, pretty dismayed. “…My landlord’s ninety year old grandma could beat you punks. Don’t you come near Ayame again or I will break you on principle alone. Got it?”_

_They all looked at him in shock but nodded. “Scram.”  
  
Ugh, idiots, he thought as he uncovered Shin, the baby having been attempting to remove the covering the whole time. Ayame was shaking, the poor thing. He offered her a…paternal smile. “You okay, Ayame? Did they hurt you?”   
  
“N-No. Thank you, Yama-nii.”   
  
He frowned as she did appear shaken, “Have they been bothering you like that a lot?”   
  
“N-Not as bad as before. And usually not even directly like that” she whispered. _

_Yamada patted her shoulder, tilting his head, “C’mon, I was gonna grab a Coke from the diner on the corner. I’ll get you a milkshake.”  
  
“T-That’s--” _

_“Consider it as ‘thanks’ for getting my throwing arm warmed up.”  
  
She finally smiled a little before nodding, “Okay.” _

_There was a diner near where Ayame and her family lived, a good a stop as any so he wouldn’t take her too out of her way. She bit her lip before smiling toward him as they sat. Well…not him. “You really named him Shin, Yama-nii?”  
  
“Yep” Yamada nodded, rubbing Shin’s downy hair as the baby gurgled. “Uh, you wanna hold him?”   
  
Her eyes brightened, nodding. Shin wasn’t always very keen on new people. He accepted Kari and Mina to an extent and he seemed to have a thing for Rosie but some of his other companions he was iffy about. Yamada carefully handed his son across the table and Ayame gasped, ‘Oh, he’s so little!”   
  
“Dunno how either, all he does is eat.”   
  
Shin stared at Ayame curiously as she cooed, “He’s so cute. Your wife is gone, right?”   
  
“…Yea” Yamada grimaced. _

_It…wasn’t a happy day for him when he saw it on television. She was now married to a mass murdering demon. They’d shown her and she looked so pale, wearing a kimono that probably was either covering her baby weight or the fact they’d starved her for two months. Either way he was trembling with rage and needed to look at Shin to make himself feel better. He and his mama…they were what were keeping him going now._

_“So how do you work, Yama-nii? You take the baby with you?” Ayame questioned._

_Yamada grimaced, quickly smiling when a waitress came to take their order. “I’ll have a Coke…and whatever the lady wants.”  
  
“Chocolate milkshake, please” Ayame requested politely. _

_Yamada wasn’t really sure how Ayame came out the way she did. There was one other older brother off freeloading somewhere and two younger half-siblings that Shin once described as ‘assholes’. Really, the whole family was self-defeating and…well, assholes. Ayame, however, was top of her middle school class and in calligraphy club and all that. Shin told him only to say ‘so she can become a hooker on the street because our mom’s too much of a bitch to pay for high school’._

_…Oh yea, she was going to be thirteen soon. “Well, I’ve…been out of work for a while. Since Shin was born. Uh, you’re going to North Wasaba High, right?”  
  
Ayame made a face, “No way, Yama-nii. Mom and Akito won’t pay for high school for me. They say it’s a waste of time.”   
  
One son in the ground, the other had three illegitimate children, no job to support them, and was both an alcoholic and addicted to narcotics. The half-siblings at the tender age of eleven were apparently already a foot into a gang. Could they aim to give ONE of their children structure, really?   
  
…Huh. Nodding when the waitress came, noting that Ayame did not meet Shin’s disapproval, Yamada popped the cap on his Coke. “…So you’re out of school and just…?”   
  
“Well, I go to the library to read but I figure it’s time I got a job…”   
  
Something felt like divine intervention. Or just a very happy coincidence. “Ayame, this is going to sound very strange but I for one think it’s a good idea.” _

_“What’s that, Yama-nii?”  
  
Folding his fingers and setting his hands on the table, he cleared his throat, “…I need someone to watch Shin from eight in the morning to around eleven at night. So, basically, fifteen hours. That is asking A LOT and I-I’ll be honest, I could only offer about a thousand gold pieces a week—right now. Once I start getting everything well budgeted again I can definitely give some bonuses and stuff.”   
  
Ayame’s eyes were wide and he grimaced. He felt bad even offering. Those were the sort of hours he got offered at her age and with less pay but he definitely wasn’t giving her a decent deal whatsoever. _

_“I can do it, Yama-nii!” she gushed, “I’ll come to your house and stay with the baby!”  
  
Oh. “Are you sure? I mean, he’s a good baby but he’s a handful—he loves to eat, you’re going to have to be on top of bottles.”   
  
“We watched Ichiro’s daughter a lot when he was in prison so I know all about it” she insisted, “I can do it, Yama-nii.”   
  
Fast forward…perhaps twenty, thirty years, and he would have screamed at the idea of leaving a two month old with a preteen for more than half a day. It was pure nonsense. Alas, he shook her hand then and also decided one other thing. “Make a deal with me, Ayame.”   
  
“Huh? Okay.”   
  
“Save your money and take the college entry exam like I did. You have potential…and all the education you want is not a waste of money. Don’t let anyone ever tell you that.”   
  
In some…strange way, being the all-knowing 19-year-old dad, he’d gained something from Shin. He had thought all these grand things about how he was going to do better and they were going to get out of this hell one day. The thing was, it became more than that. It became more than ‘we need to do better’ but the youth as a whole. They didn’t have to sell drugs like Shin had or join gangs to fulfill some suicidal worth. They didn’t have to work and toil through hard labor jobs like he had, like his mom and Ayame’s mom continued to do. Yes, those jobs needed to be done, they had to be filled and people needed to have the ability to work. Just when people like Ayame’s parent, like his mother, told them there was no other possibility? That whatever potential they had was to be left by the wayside? It couldn’t be that way anymore. No matter what happened, no matter where life took Ayame, even if it was down the expected Wasaba path, he would not let her live her life not having heard once she was able to do what she wanted, no matter the obstacles. _

_He had that from Souma…from Dana. He didn’t understand their method. He enabled. He enabled Shin in his inadequacies and expected him to grow. Yamada swallowed hard and closed his eyes. Now he was gone and…the potential went with him._

_…He…he could help break the cycle too._

…Maybe. 

Yagami Yamada was antsy as he did some lab work for Souma. Apparently he’d gotten someone to cover for Yamada for a month and a half. Now he had two weeks of back test results to resolve and these gigantic machines hadn’t been maintenanced very well by the temp guy. He messed around with that for a while, having to take breaks to greet patients that had apparently been very concerned about him. Yamada wasn’t acquainted with that sentiment and he was quite confused when a number of them brought him fruit baskets and food, citing Souma had told them when he’d be back. Was this real life? People cared? He thanked them, almost moved to tears. He’d almost been in tears all day. 

Not _completely_ because of the fruit basket though. 

Souma came in, smiling, as Yamada scribbled down results. “It’s good to have you back, son. I almost thought I’d lost you there for a while.”   
  
“Haha, yea…”   
  
With a frown, Souma crossed his arms, “What’s wrong?”   
  
Yamada pursed his lips, massaging both of his temples. It…was unnatural. He woke up this morning and Shin got up with him. He got them both dressed and Ayame showed up promptly at 7:30. He’d had her over the day before, making sure she had a key to the apartment and where to get a spare from if something happened to that one. He had all the bottles Shin _should_ need for the time he’d be gone and fresh laundry should he need changing. He’d stocked the refrigerator with food should Ayame get hungry. It was perfect. 

…Until he kissed his baby and requested he behave, informing the still practically newborn daddy would be home later. And…he left. He left this…helpless little being that had needed him 24/7 for the last two months. He… 

…He felt sad. 

“I dunno if I thought _dads_ were supposed to feel this way” Yamada grumbled, waving off his gloom.   
  
Souma raised a brow as Yamada muttered, “I _miss_ my son. As if I don’t know I’m going back home to him tonight or something. I just… _miss_ him and it’s nonsense.”   
  
Groaning, Souma sat on a stool nearby, “And why would that be purely maternal, Yamada? That is your child too.”   
  
“I dunno!” he proclaimed, dropping his pencil, “ _My_ dad sure as hell doesn’t miss me—course, my mom never told him I existed so even if he wanted to he missed that train. Everyone else’s dad is a hard ass and if there’s a speck of tenderness it’s from the _mom_. I would _never_ hear any of my friend’s dad say they miss their kids, they don’t care!”   
  
“Yamada, you are already a different caliber of parent. I am continually impressed and amazed that you didn’t entrust him to a family elder. You took him on against it all and you’re a single father—honestly, a rarity. And you were a little on the line there at the beginning but I have not heard you once address Shin as a burden. You care and have a bond with your baby. If at the end of the day your child is no different from the street sweeper, there’s a problem. There’s no maternal or paternal to that.”   
  
Ugh. Souma gave him a look before grabbing the phone off the hook nearby where Yamada would sometimes call patients to advise them to come for their results. “Call and check on your son.”   
  
“No-o-o-o.”   
  
“Call” Souma leered, “It’ll make you feel better.”   
  
The hell it would. Souma had no idea he was about two seconds away from running out of here and going home. Nonetheless, he sourly called his house and pressed the receiver to his ear, awkwardly spinning the coiled wire around his finger. 

“A-Ah, hello?”   
  
“Ayame, hello” he greeted bashfully, “I-It’s Yamada. I just wanted to check on you guys.”   
  
“Oh! Hi, Yama-nii. Things are going well. Shin-chan is a little fussy but he’s liked this cartoon I found for him—Sesame Street.”   
  
Yamada shakily smiled, hearing Shin’s slightly dissatisfied sounds. “T-That’s great, Ayame. Uh, can-can you put the phone near his ear?”   
  
“Okay!”   
  
He felt like some crazy idiot when Shin’s whimpers traveled more audibly through the phone. Here he was, talking to a two month old on the phone. “H-Hey man, it’s…it’s dad. I-I know this is really weird and crazy for you, buddy, b-but we’ll pull through this. I’ll be home to hang out with you in a little while, okay? You-You keep being good for Ayame.” 

Somehow he thought he’d feel better if Shin kept whining but the baby actually calmed down, his contented gurgles his response. Oh God, why? He didn’t know what loving parenting was but somehow he figured it out. “Yama-nii?”   
  
“A-Ah, yes. Thank you, Ayame. U-Um, I’ll see you both soon.”   
  
“Okay. Jaa ne.”   
  
He hung up and he couldn’t believe he was crying. Over _what_? His baby was in capable hands and was comforted by the sound of his voice? When did being moved make people cry? Wiping the corner of his eye, he sniffed, “…My mother would smack me.”   
  
“Your mother is not the prime example for good parenting, Yamada, even though you came out very well” Souma smiled, patting his back, “Things are going to get easier.” 

…Yes. At the end of the day, while he’d very much like to be at home curled up with a book and his infant, he needed to work for their survival. He needed to work and save so that when he got into pre-med, he was just using the assisting at the hospital as supplemental. Souma still wanted him to come in from time to time at the clinic, but, just as Hardy promised, he had an opportunity to start working in the hospital which Souma was pushing him toward. He would make approximately a silver piece more but the experience was what was vital. 

And…once he got that ball turning, he could become a doctor and, once the statute of limitations was off for his and Dana’s…adolescent indiscretion, he should have a home for him, Shin, and his wife. This…this was all for them. 

He missed them. But this was for them in the first place. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_He got out of class, waving at Mina and super excited. He was going to see his son for the first time since 7:35 this morning._

_Of course, on the drive home, Yamada realized his infant son ought to be asleep at 11:30 at night. Disappointed, he sighed and thought maybe he’d make himself some ramen then crawl into bed with the boy. He’d…see him tomorrow._

_“Welcome home, Yama-nii!”_

_Yamada smiled at Ayame, the girl sitting on the couch with a book. However, more startling was his son was very much awake, settled beside her. “Hey, Ayame. Young man, what are you doing awake, huh?”  
  
“Sorry, Yama-nii, he wouldn’t go to sleep” Ayame pouted, “I guess he wanted to see you before he went to bed.”   
  
That was a comforting notion. Grinning, admittedly happy that he was awake though, he picked the baby up. Shin kicked his little feet and gabbled. “Hey, man! I told you I’d be back, huh?”   
  
Ayame stood, starting to put her things away. “I made you some dinner too, Yama-nii, it’s warming on the stove.” _

_Oh. “Well, thank you, Ayame. Uh…I didn’t really think about this part of it. Lemme drive you home.”  
  
She made a face, “I can walk, Yama-nii, it’s fine. You just got home.”   
  
Uh, right. “I’m not letting a young girl walk home by herself at almost midnight, Ayame. C’mon, the ride’ll probably put my little buddy here under.” _

_Ayame happily got in the front seat at his proposal, buckling up as he got Shin settled in his seat. The baby looked up at him, doe-eyed, and Yamada couldn’t help smile. He was happy to see this little twerp._

_“So are you tired, Ayame? I can try to get one of the neighbors to watch Shin some days to give you a break” Yamada replied,_

_“Tired? Not really. Shin-chan fell asleep from 12 to 2 so I slept an hour then got up to make his bottles. I’ll probably read some then go to bed” Ayame explained._

_To be that young again. He was 19. “Well, just let me know, okay? I don’t want you getting burned out, I’m going to need someone for him for at least four years.”_

_She nodded. Four years…yea right, he’d need her in kindergarten too. The kid couldn’t be by himself for nine hours like he was. Or…he guessed he could. Just he remembered that and it was so…lonely._

_“Thank you, Yama-nii!” Ayame proclaimed, climbing out of the car in front of her apartment building._

_“No problem” Yamada smiled, “Have a good night and I’ll see you in the morning.”_

_She nodded, skipping into the building. Yamada leaned back and Shin was just staring out of the back window. Man, as much as he wanted to see the kid he kind of had stuff to do before bed…_

_When they got back home, Shin was still wide-eyed and bushy-tailed as Yamada made himself a plate. Just getting a little of the flavor on his thumb, he brushed it on Shin’s lip. The baby licked out of reflex and made a face. Yamada had eaten some prior and it was…interesting. The late Shin’s family always liked wild flavors when they DID cook, he recalled. It was all over the edge in some way. Too savory, too sweet, too salty. Ayame’s wasn’t bad though it was a wee bit creamy._

_Settling at the table, able to juggle giving Shin a late night snack in a mini bottle, eating his dinner, and reading his text book, Yamada didn’t know what he was feeling. It felt good, whatever the case, like…he was proud of himself. He’d rarely had that, just in these insular moments, usually…usually with his wife._

_About tapped out by 1, Yamada kissed Shin’s forehead, the baby also quite tuckered out. He’d finish the last stretch of reading and homework at lunch tomorrow, he mused, settling his son into bed before going off to take a shower. He needed to sleep in tomorrow as late as possible._

_He groaned, making a face. Something about jerking off with his son in the house made him feel guilty as hell. As if, who does that? But…it’d been over four months._

_…Was that bastard touching his wife? Probably. She was ‘his’ wife now. Yamada trembled with rage and gritted his teeth. Just…hold on a little longer, Dana._

_When he took her from that bastard on his own two feet, not because of granddad and daddy’s money, then he’d be truly proud._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_Shin started doing something that made him…swell up or something. When the baby hit four months and Yamada came home, he’d smile at him._

_It caught Yamada off guard because, to him, a baby that still didn’t understand his feet weren’t his hands shouldn’t…know to smile? He didn’t know but it was about the cutest damn thing he’d seen in his entire life. Just for him too. His…baby did like him._

_Sipping his tea on a lazy Sunday, content, Yamada had time to read the paper. He’d cleaned while Shin was still sleeping and even got his research paper for microbiology done. Ayame was telling him about this ‘Sesame Street’ that Shin supposedly liked so when the boy got up, Yamada turned on the channel for him. Shin DID like it but it slightly horrified him. Why were they talking mops?_

_He blinked when there was a knock at the door. Oh? Maybe Mina or Kari. Standing, Yamada wandered over and peeked out…and was stunned._

_“Hey, man!”_

_Izumi Craig. “Dude! When’d you get home?” Yamada questioned, shaking the guy’s hand. He was super tanned._

_Craig grinned, taking off his shoes, “I’ve been home for months, bro, sorry. I’m about to go back in a few weeks too. I meant to come by earlier but, uh, Kira and I were making up for lost time?”  
  
Yamada smirked, closing the door behind him, “Oh, so you two are still gravy?”   
  
“I can be very convincing” Craig winked, looking around, “So where’s the missus?”   
  
…Oh. _

_Wait. “Are you kidding? Aren’t you a rich guy still?”  
  
Craig made a face, “Wha’? Yea, kind of? I mean, if I call home and talk to my mom or dad, we’re not talking about what the rest of the upper crust are up to. We talk about family and stuff.”   
  
…Oh. Right, they weren’t raving gossips. “Have a seat and let me get you some coffee.”   
  
“Oh Jesus.”   
  
“And say ‘hi’ to my little dude right there.” _

_Craig gasped, kneeling in front of where Shin was in his seat. “Oh my God! Hey, little guy!”_

_Yamada smiled as Shin gabbled at him, Craig picking him up with a goofy grin. “Aren’t you cute? But blue eyes? How’d you pull that, man?”  
  
“He definitely denied all the Punnett Squares I was doing before he was born” Yamada sighed gravely, pouring the ground beans into the coffeemaker. _

_“Nerd.”_

_Yamada snickered, “How is school?”  
  
“Different. A lot more…liquor and boobs” Craig droned, “I mean, kind of hard to focus on my political career when I’m at a party every night.”   
  
With a laugh, Yamada shook his head as he poured some cups, “You don’t have ordinary concerns, Izumi.”   
  
“Yea” he chuckled, thanking Yamada for the cup. “So, let’s hear what’s going on and what’s going on with your wife.” _

_…Well, it’d been an easygoing day. By the time Yamada retold everything, he was prepared to trade in his coffee for vodka. Craig was staring at him as he, trembling, finished his mug. It’d…been a long year._

_Craig cleared his throat, setting Shin up in his lap. Apparently Shin liked him enough. “So…you…were giving money to the Kamaji for Shin. The lead guy kicked you out because, well, somebody needed to. Shin…once again shorted but in the presence of the actual leaders and over fifty people got murdered. Shin ran fast enough but they caught him, he…bargained knowing where Kamaishi Domo’s fiancé was for his life and still got killed but not before showing where you and Dana lived. You went to the bloodbath, you and Dana get blackmailed into her marrying Domo, the yakuza that killed these fifty plus people and Shin and…now you are going to school, working, and raising a baby by yourself.”  
  
“Yea.” _

_“YAMADA.”  
  
Craig used one hand to cover his face, shaking his head rapidly. “YAMADA. Every single TIME I take a minute break from your life and come back, you’re not filling in small gaps, you’re filling in CRATERS with CRAZY. I mean, are you okay? Do you need anything, man?”   
  
“Nah…” _

_Leering, Craig grunted, “Are you sleeping?”  
  
“As much as a baby lets me. He’s actually really good though, I can’t talk like he’s crazy bad at sleeping” Yamada smiled at Shin. _

_Patting his cheek, Craig stared at him. What? He was fine. “Yamada, when I was seventeen, I was in a car accident with my cousin. My cousin’s buddy was in the front seat and wasn’t wearing a seatbelt. Guy flew right through the windshield and died instantly. That was one dead person and I couldn’t sleep right for a year. Don’t you tell me you’re okay when you go from seeing over sixty dead bodies and watching your best friend die in front of you to having to be a single dad in less than a month. Are you sleeping?”  
  
… “…Sometimes.”   
  
“Are you getting help?”   
  
Yamada laughed shortly, “When, Craig? When I’m working eight hours a day then going to school for four and coming home to be a father? No, I’m not getting ‘help’, I’m getting by. What I’ve always done.” _

_“You listen to me, buddy, your mental health is just as important for Shin as your physical and if you’re gonna be a doctor you KNOW THAT. Your son needs you, Yamada.”  
  
Crossing his hands, Yamada pressed his lips against his fist and closed his eyes. “…A year, you said?”   
  
“Yamada, I didn’t even know that guy that well. A year for a stranger. How many years do you get for Shin?” _

_…God. “…I’ll try to speak to someone but I’m more of a ‘lock everything deep inside’ type.”  
  
Craig groaned, “And, believe me, I understand that. I told you, they would always be nice to my parent’s face but speak about me and my halfblood behind their back. About them being a disgrace, about me being half a person—you heard it. And I think we locked that away. It annoys us sometimes but we just shrug it off, say it’s not our fault, all that. But really—I think I blame myself.”   
  
Yamada’s eyes widened as Craig set Shin back in his seat, smiling a little at him, “…It doesn’t make sense to blame myself. I didn’t bear myself, I didn’t demand to be born into this racist world. Just something deep inside of me says ‘this is your cross to bear’ and I brought it upon myself. It doesn’t make sense. And, being that you wanna be a doctor, I bet you saw that room of corpses and thought ‘I could have saved them’ or, you could have saved Shin or Hisakawa. Your name might say otherwise but you’re not a god, Yagami. We have to accept what we cannot change. Burying it deep inside…it doesn’t go away that way.”   
  
… “That’s just it, Craig” Yamada whispered faintly. _

_Craig tilted his head as Yamada smiled sadly, “It…it won’t ever go away.”_

_Until the day he died, he’d remember that chaos. He’d remember every single insignificant detail. What color the floor was beneath the blood, the lightbulb in the shot out lamp, the scarlet glass—he’d remember every minute detail for the rest of his days. He could have saved Shin, he could have saved Hisakawa—he gave up on Shin for a heater._

_Trying not to crumble in front of someone else, he took a deep breath. “It…it won’t ever go away.”_

_And that? That was what he would have to accept._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

Well, this was going to be mighty inconvenient. 

Hamasaki Ayame came by last Sunday after Craig left, a little crestfallen. He didn’t want to do that to the poor guy who took his time to come visit him. He attempted to lighten the mood and everything but Craig just smiled weakly for his sake. He…was really a downer. 

_“I mean it, Yagami—I am going back to Berkeley in few weeks but you call my parents if you need anything and I’ll do what I can. You’re…you’re not alone, okay?”  
  
_ He guessed…that was his deepest bitterness. At the end of day, he had all these good people that reached out to him in his time of need and Shin…Shin never even cared. Not even to the minute he died. 

Ayame, he supposed his blessing from Shin, though, she told him fearfully that her stepfather was demanding she come on this trip with the family for a week. “ _I can tell him I won’t go, Yama-nii. I don’t want to let you down.”_

Like night and day. This kid couldn’t let him down if she tried. She was on time, she was so good to Shin, she cleaned and made dinner for him—he was upping her pay next month, there was no way he could comfortably keep paying her this measly wage. _“Ayame, I am so grateful to you and don’t you think taking a much needed vacation is ‘letting me down’. You go on and you have a great time, okay? Bring me a seashell.”  
  
_ She was still concerned about Shin and so was he but he insisted. She needed that break. _Deserved it_. As for Shin, well… 

Yamada groaned as he carried the car seat into Souma’s clinic, an army of bottles and the king’s ransom in diapers in a duffel bag. He would not be caught unprepared because this week? He and his son would be staying at Souma’s house for the ‘convenience’. And his son? Well, they were having an early ‘father-son work day’. 

Souma said it was perfectly fine, that he’d take him off checkup duty and just place him in the lab or to fill out medical records from his notes. That way he could watch Shin. While he wasn’t crazy about bringing his baby son into a room of possible illness, there shouldn’t have been too many lab tests. 

The nurses gasped and cooed, delighted, when he walked in. While his mother said he got ‘gawked at’ as a baby and child, everyone thought Shin was the Holy Grail or something. He smiled and thanked them when they told him he was ‘so precious’. Damn straight. 

Sighing, Yamada set Shin’s chair on a flat surface because he’d been a rocking storm lately. Recently he noticed…this was not that little shriveled raisin he brought home four months ago. He was all plumped up and human now. It…was amazing. 

Yamada went to work to get the fluid samples done first, observing them beneath a high tech microscope. He was noting a few interesting cases in some patients that he wanted to continue to observe. He hadn’t quite seen a retrovirus this…spherical before. He was wearing like a biohazard suit because he had no idea what it was. He put Shin in the closet and gave him a rattle before pretending he was playing ‘peek-a-boo’ with the door. Shin was convinced. 

After, reading Souma’s chicken scratch and vowing he would maintain good handwriting when he was a doctor, Yamada smirked as Shin kicked his feet, giggling gleefully. “Really, man? You’re happy being bored to death with me here instead of watching Sesame Street with Ayame?” 

He blew spit bubbles, some habit that he managed to master. Dork. He looked up when Souma knocked and entered, “Hey, how’s it going?”   
  
“Pretty good, Shin’s being a great assistant.”   
  
Souma smiled at Shin before clearing his throat, “Well, while he’s here, let me give him his four month checkup.”   
  
Four month? He just had his three. Yamada raised a brow before chuckling, “Souma, I’ve told you you’re the closest thing he’s got to a grandpa. If you wanna carry him around and show him off, you’re free to.” 

The doctor flustered, blurting, “W-Well--” 

Shin squealed, kicking his feet. Yamada picked him up and handed him to Souma, shooing the two. Really, he knew the man had all the old ladies out there waiting for the star of this show. Shin…Shin was loved and he liked that. 

Staring out of the window, he folded his hands and thought about how he’d have to go to class and leave his son with Souma. He was going to ride his motorcycle for the first time in, basically, a year. A…little bit of the past. Leaning on his palm, he looked to the chair Souma had in the garden area where, not that long ago, Dana would sit and keep him company. 

…The way he was feeling lately, considering his whole life, was…mighty inconvenient. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_“God, don’t take him.”_

_Yamada was kneeling on the side of his bed, shaking as he softly pressed a cool cloth to Shin’s sweltering forehead. His poor baby._

_He was fine. After the week at Souma’s, he was just swell. Then, that weekend they came home, his son ran a fever of 38.8 degrees Celsius. 102 degrees. Souma’s house was clean as a pin and so was the clinic but who knows what other people had that could have just been in the air? He was an idiot._

_Swallowing, Yamada squeezed a little bit more of the medicine Souma immediately prescribed into his mouth from the dropper. His whole face was red, his eyelids dark. Yamada rasped, “Shin…Shin, please. I can’t-I can’t lose you too. Please, please…get better for me. Let me be selfish and beg you get better, okay?”_

_Getting the babe some water to keep him hydrated, Yamada leaned against the headboard of his bed and watched his only child boil. He’d squirm and whine, clawing at his face like he was suffering. Yamada picked him up and kissed his burning forehead, rocking him and humming to him shakily. God…God, he couldn’t do this. He couldn’t._

_The world…wanted everything from him. But…but not his son. He...he couldn’t be alone here._

Today was one of the worst days of his life. 

It took Shin about three days to get better and when he did, the babe acted like literally nothing happened. Yamada was so rattled he needed to take a day off to recover himself. He felt terrible but Souma assured he knew Yamada would need more time off as a single parent. As someone that never had a day off for most of his life, it didn’t sit well with him. 

By Friday, he thought he had it all together. He went to work where he clarified where his son got ill: everyone and their brother was sick. He washed his hands incessantly, annoyed by the reminder that, should he become a doctor, he’d potentially be carrying the next plague home to his family. 

Souma did get a little aggravated with him when he couldn’t get a proper read on a patient’s pulse. _“That’s the basics, Yamada_.” 

Ugh, yes, yes it was. He shamefully wandered away and was even more miserable when the patient actually chastised Souma for being ‘so hard on him’. Great, the people that had to be convinced to see him and that he had a brain function to do blood pressure and pulses were now defending his blundering inability to take blood pressure and pulses. 

When he sat down at lunch and realized he had at least two papers due today, he accepted that he was exhausted. He was absolutely and utterly exhausted. 

Somehow, _somehow_ , he managed to write what he prayed were coherent papers. He was so aggravated and angry he wasn’t sure he cared anymore. He dragged himself through the rest of work and Souma pulled him aside before he went to class to say ‘rest’. Yea, Shin was all about ‘resting’. Even if he was a good sleeper, the kid wanted to be up at 7 am every day. 

So, irritable, Yamada went to class and almost collapsed several times. He’d had enough. The kid could go stay with Dana’s grandpa and he would resign from school. He’d had enough. 

Yamada devised that he’d get Ayame to stay the night and watch Shin for him because he was over it. He…he needed to sleep. He needed…to give up. To go back to the way life had been. Maybe…maybe it was going nowhere but…at least he knew that. At least it wasn’t all up in the air with the universe on his shoulders. 

He’d never been able to do this alone. 

Resting his forehead on the outside of his front door for a moment, he took a deep breath before sticking the key into the knob. Time to let go. 

Entering into his apartment, he almost recoiled. 

Curled up on the couch, Shin staring up at her curiously as he lied in her arms, was… “…Dana?” 

She looked up, her dark eyes brightening. “Yama.” 

…Dear God, he was _hallucinating._ He had to call Souma, he had to come get his son, he wasn’t in sane hands. About to start for the phone, Shin broke his mesmerized gaze to look to him…and smile widely. Oh…s—t. What the hell was wrong with him? He’d have a nervous breakdown within the first fifteen minutes if his son went anywhere. Dana, or whatever his drifting mind had fabricated, gasped, delighted, “Oh! Are you happy to see your papa, Shin-chan?”   
  
…No. He wasn’t losing his mind _that_ bad. His ‘wife’ was sitting in this room for some reason. She stood, wearing some…frock or something, something she probably wouldn’t be caught dead in normally, and gave Shin to him. The baby gurgled up at him and Yamada smiled despite himself, kissing his forehead. “Hey, buddy.” 

Dana walked into the kitchen like she hadn’t been gone for five months. “I made you some dinner. Hamasaki-san was starting to, I believe, but I told her I’d make something.”   
  
… “What are you doing here, Dana?”   
  
He watched her scoop out some rice and curry on the side, going to the refrigerator and taking out a glass bottle of Coke. “Does it matter?”   
  
“Um, yes?” he scowled, feeling…something. Upset, probably. 

Returning, she set his plate on the table and gestured for him to sit. What the hell? Yamada sat back down and she took Shin back, smiling, “I can’t believe how handsome you are, Shin-chan. You look like your papa.”   
  
…While Shin _grew_ to like strangers, it was rocky sailing in the beginning. For all purposes, he just met his mother today and he was just staring up at her. Maybe he remembered her voice or felt something like she…was supposed to be here. She cradled him contently, her eyes full of joy. What was this? Why wasn’t she explaining herself? Did she run away? Was Domo and his cronies going to bust up in here and kill them? He needed _answers_. 

“Domo asked me if there was anything I wanted for my birthday. I requested three days with my baby.” 

… _What_? Yamada glared at her, “You literally asked that psychopath to come back to the family he stole you from.”   
  
Dana shrugged absently, staring at their child, “I’m here, aren’t I?”   
  
…Yea. But at what cost? This would be exactly the sort of sick twisted thing he’d want. He could pose it as his wife ran off to be with her errant lover. They could be murdered. He could plant evidence and make it look even more sordid. Not one charge. Not _one_ charge was brought against _anyone_ for that shooting. That was because no one was caught. No one was caught because no investigation was done. That would be the same thing that could happen in this apartment. 

He sulked as, before he told Dana this was a _horrid_ idea, she stood and went to the refrigerator and took out a bottle. “Is your papa making you a night owl, Shin-chan? You should be sleepy, precious.”   
  
Yamada nibbled a little at the rice as he gazed at Dana, watching her warm Shin’s bottle before going to the couch she bought and curling up with him so…naturally. She rocked and hummed to him, singing a soft lullaby. He…forgot about lullabies. 

…This was how it _ought_ to have been. 

His blood started to boil as Shin fell asleep and Dana took him to the bedroom. This. This was how it was _going_ to be. Maybe Ayame would have still been their babysitter while Dana worked at Kaga but at the end of the day, his son ought to have his mother. 

After some minutes, she returned. He’d put the food away and was ready to drive her to whatever gigantic mansion that homicidal bastard lived in. She had to go. Dana frowned as he started to pace, “Yamachin, what’s the matter?” 

‘Yamachin’. “What’s the matter? What’s the _matter_? I have been _alone_ with our son for the last five fucking months. If it weren’t for Ayame and Dr. Souma, everything would be a _bust_ right now. Kari and Mina have _lives_ , they come to help when they can, as does Rosie but at the end of the day, this is almost all my burden. I go to work, I go to school, and then I come home and play daddy while fighting my own demons and nightmares and _exhaustion._ Yet here you come, just for a three day _play date_ because you asked your ‘hubby’ if you could. I don’t get _breaks_ , Dana, and you have the nerve to just waltz in here like everything’s _perfect_? What are you doing here? How dare you?” 

If he’d had even an _hour_ more sleep, he was certain he’d have not made such a ludicrous entreaty but he legitimately felt it. Then. His wife— _his_ wife stared at him with those eyes he’d missed terribly when he was sitting alone and Shin was asleep. He…he couldn’t even handle a _tease_ of what his life could have been if it weren’t for the lost Shin. She had to go. 

Instead, she walked over to the light switch and flipped them off before going to close the blinds. He scowled as she approached him, confused, “What are you doing?”   
  
She pulled him to sit on the couch and he wanted to tell her ‘no’. There was no discussion here. He did not need this in his life right now. Opening his mouth, he froze when she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. Oh. 

His mind wandered in every other direction as her tongue slipped into his mouth, her hands running down his back. Fuck. Yamada wanted to push away and demand what the deal was…sort of. No, instead, she leaned him back and pushed against his crotch, kissing fiercely. His mind…was wandering all right. 

“Mmph” he groaned, his hands frantically searching out the end of her dress. No, no, what was wrong with him? Sex was not going to make this _better_. 

Dana blindly unbuttoned his shirt, kissing down his chest before unzipping his pants to jerk him out. Yamada yelped, stunned, as her mouth wrapped around his cock. Or…would it? 

He writhed in ecstasy, his eyes rolling back. _Shit_. The tension felt like a coiled rubber band unwinding. He couldn’t _seriously_ be so pissed because he was _horny,_ right? And hell, was he horny. Pulling himself from her lips, he flipped her over under him. She choked on a gasp as he slipped his fingers under her panties. Apparently not the sexy ones anymore, not that he could see. God, was that bastard picking out her undergarments too? 

“ _Ah, Yama—_ “ she cried softly, hugging his shoulders, her fingers lightly grazing across his flesh. 

“Fuck” he whispered breathily, almost coming immediately when he pushed inside of her. It felt like _bliss_ , it was so perfect. 

She was biting her lip, probably attempting to be silent as not to wake their baby. Ha…they probably _couldn’t_ have sex unless they were out here. They’d probably have to be…more clever. If she’d been allowed here, anyway. 

Yamada grunted, closing his eyes as he thrusted, rolling his hips against her. She was panting passionately, her legs wrapped around his torso. He loved her. That was the most upsetting part, he _loved_ her and this…this wasn’t fair. She belonged _here_ with him and Shin… 

He covered his own mouth, moaning when he climaxed, Dana whining and covering her face as well. _Damn_. Shuddering, he caught himself on his palms on either side of her head. “D-Dana…” 

Seventeen. Dana was _only_ seventeen with all this going on in her life. Today. He…he would have to get something. He hadn’t really thought about her birthday…she stared up at him through heavy lids, a glistening sheen on her skin reflecting the moonlight as she gently reached up and held his cheeks. “Do you feel better, Yama?”   
  
…Damn. “…Yea. Sorry” he whispered almost shamefully. 

She smiled, kissing him again…and they had sex again. And again…and again… 

By around 2, he was…shot. Dana had even gotten on top of him in their last bout to take over. He felt good to his _toes_. Exhausted, but good. Dragging himself up, he hugged Dana’s waist and kissed her gently. “…We’ll talk when we get up tomorrow. I’m…I’m exhausted.”   
  
“I can tell” she murmured, stroking his hair, “Here, let me run you a bath and then you can relax.” 

Yamada frowned as she picked up her clothes. “Why? Let’s just shower together.”   
  
“Oh…well, I felt you tensing. I think a bath would help.”   
  
…Okay? She rushed into the bathroom and it sounded like the shower was on for about five minutes before she turned on the bath. Yamada scowled as she came out, prepared to question what the deal was as she clearly just took a shower. “The bath’s all ready, Yamachin. I’m going to do some cleaning to make sure you don’t fall asleep in there.”   
  
…Somehow, he just nodded and wandered to the bathroom. While he’d not had the time to take a bath since he was a child, he slipped into the water after washing off. Man, he wasn’t certain what Heaven felt like but this might be it. Sex and a hot bath… 

After about twenty minutes, dozing off cozily, _his_ wife walked in, wearing a long gown. What? That was weird too. “Are you coming to bed, Yama?” 

“Mm, yea” he murmured, standing. 

Dana held the towel out for him, standing on her toes to kiss him sweetly again. He smiled softly and dried himself off, pulling on a pair of shorts and a shirt. Hmm, maybe she was dressing in more because of the baby…like Shin would even know though. 

…It was perfect to have her lying somewhat beside him again. She’d taken Shin’s spot so now the baby was between them but…it was where she ought to be. He slipped into the free side and almost instantly fell asleep, so…at peace. 

…This was why he was doing this. For this. He…he had to get his family back. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_Yamada wasn’t sure what it was that woke him up. He was in such a deep comfortable sleep that it almost seemed like some sort of divine intervention. It was about five in the morning when he just happened to open his eyes._

_Dana was sitting up on her haunches, a very wide-awake Shin in her arms with his head against her chest, the woman weeping silently. Gazing at her, he felt his stomach knot._

_If he placed himself in her position, which, he couldn’t completely, she had this life inside of her for almost a year, a being she loved and was looking forward to. Then, the very day he was born, she was ripped away. He didn’t even know what she went through in that house with her abusive mother and that asshole that she had to marry. Then to add off having her child in the sole care of him? Someone that basically knew nothing about anything parental at all? God, how much had she worried? And…and even though he guessed he was doing well, to see Shin so much bigger? Did…did she feel like she was missing everything?_

_“…We’re doing okay, Dana.”  
  
She jumped a little before looking back, swiftly wiping her eyes with one hand. “I-I’m sorry, Yamachin, I-I didn’t mean to wake you.”   
  
“You didn’t” he assured softly, “…I don’t know how you do it but…stay strong just for a little bit longer. I’m going to get you out of there. I’m…I’m going to save my family.”   
  
“I know you will” she rasped, kissing the top of Shin’s head before climbing back under the covers. _

_Yamada closed his eyes as she kissed his forehead next. “Sleep, please. Don’t take this the wrong way but you look rightfully awful. I’ve never seen you so tired.”  
  
“Ha-a-a, I know” he laughed miserably. _

_“I’ll get up with Shin-chan in the morning” she smiled, “I…I guess he felt me crying and woke up but I can tell he’s still sleepy too.”  
  
Shin indeed usually wasn’t one for THIS early, at least a good two more hours left in his average schedule. Yamada stretched his arm out so they could curl near him. It felt good. “…Just a few more hours. I…I need this too.”   
  
…Just a little bit of a boost and he’d be back on track. He…he needed this. _

“Mm…?”   
  
Yagami Yamada squinted as soon as he opened his eyes, not used to _this_ bright a sunlight upon waking. Sitting up, he found the bed empty. Looking around, he gawked when he saw his alarm clock. 12:32!? 

Diving out of bed, alarmed he’d slept that late, he quickly pulled on a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt. Where were Dana and Shin?! Why— 

As soon as he rushed out of the bedroom, he immediately found the two sitting on the floor, Dana with a cup of tea and Shin just lying on his back on a blanket. Oh. Dana looked up at him and smiled, “Hi, Yama.”   
  
“Hey…”   
  
Shin looked up, his blue eyes widening before he started to sort of squirm and try to lift himself off the ground with that goofball grin of his. Dana gushed, “Oh! Are you excited to see papa?” 

This kid. Dana stood with their son, giving him a kiss, before handing him off. “Hey, man. I’m glad to see you too. Why’d you let me sleep so long though, Dana?”   
  
“Because you needed your rest” she scowled, starting toward the kitchen, “I…I want to be back here with you both but I don’t want anything to happen to you. I couldn’t stand it if you were sick or wore yourself out…”   
  
“Easier said than done” he admitted faintly, looking down at Shin…and raising a brow. He was perplexed by baby clothing but he usually just went and picked up a pack of white onesies for the kid. There was no use in pants with the amount of diapers he needed and if he were cold he wrapped him in a blanket. It worked thus far. 

However, he was a little shocked to see him wearing maybe a blue and white striped onesie with red overalls. So much _color_. “What is he _wearing_?”   
  
“Variety” Dana remarked dryly, “No son of mine is following in your footsteps, Mr. White T-shirt Projecting It into Onesies-san.”   
  
It was convenient! Dana gushed, apparently preparing him a plate, “And I got him these adorable sweaters for the winter! Also a snowsuit to keep him warm! _And_ I got you some new shirts. Your favorite _none_ color and the whole three other ones I’ve seen you wear.”   
  
Yamada smirked, sitting at the table and bouncing Shin a bit. “Thanks.”   
  
…Wait. He felt a sense of irritation when he realized that was probably _Domo’s_ money she used. All that s—t had to go back. “…Where’d you get the money for it?”   
  
Dana set the plate in front of him with a cup of coffee, shrugging, “It’s not Domo’s. I’d never use his money.”   
  
Oh. Then what? “How are you still getting money…?”   
  
“I have my ways.”   
  
What?? Dana smiled and held her arms out for Shin, “I know you _love_ your papa, Shin-chan, but can I hold you for a second?”   
  
Somewhat surprisingly, Shin did ‘bump’ to her, citing he was okay with this. “…I’m glad he’s taken to you. Not that he shouldn’t, of course, but…”   
  
“I was worried too” Dana admitted, “But he’s such a sweetie. You’re…you’re doing a really good job, Yama.”   
  
Mm. Yamada ate his food quietly for a moment as Dana happily played with their baby. He stared up after a moment, recalling that it was well over ninety degrees everyday right now and Dana was wearing a sweater and a long skirt. “…You know, I still have all of your clothes. You should wear them while you’re here.”   
  
“Oh, I…I don’t want to get used to it and depressed” she smiled some. 

…Okay? “Well, I want to take a picture while you’re here. A family picture. I saw Souma had one and I like the idea of it.”   
  
Dana looked content, “I like that idea too. I do have a cute dress I can wear!”   
  
He smiled, nodding, “Okay, sounds like a plan then. And after I do the dishes, why don’t we go out and do something together? I…I want every moment with you.”   
  
That, and he needed to do something good for her birthday. He finished her delicious lunch and quickly went to wash their dishes. Dana said she was going to change her and Shin. He’d nodded and by the time she came out, he was prepared to dress. Except, he paused. 

…It was…cute, the dress. It was blue with long kind of…wing like sleeves and a belt around the waist. She’d teased her hair and put on those ‘legging’ things. It…was still ninety degrees outside. Yamada quickly smiled when she said the light blue shirt she laid out would match Shin’s new outfit, should he want to wear it. Their kid was wearing a blue shirt and khakis. Yamada couldn’t help grin, “Look at you, looking like a tiny man. You clean up nice.”   
  
Shin made a squeal and he chuckled, going into the bedroom. “So…I like your dress. I mean, it’s really hot out but it looks good on you.”   
  
“Oh, I’ll be fine” she assured. 

…She was hiding something. He didn’t know what it was yet but he’d find out. He pulled on the blue shirt and khakis before brushing his hair back. Dana smiled when he came out, wearing the sling. “Both of my handsome boys. I want a picture of you two.”   
  
“Mm, if you want” he sighed, following her to the door and pulling on his loafers. What was she keeping from him?   
  
It felt different to have her there with him again. Some guys joked and teased him about wearing the sling but he didn’t care, it was easier than carrying his little joker. Alas, Shin looked even more comfortable with it on Dana, nestled against her. He…he wanted a picture of just them too. He…needed the reminder so the nonsense he came up with last night wouldn’t strike him again. 

“Dana!!” 

“Rosie!” 

Yamada smiled some as Dana rushed to Kaga, gushing with her former boss excitably. The blonde woman looked hopeful. “Did you escape? Are you back?”   
  
“Oh no, I wish” Dana laughed softly, “I’m just here for a visit. If you’re not busy tonight, I was thinking of having a small dinner with everyone.”   
  
What! He leered as Rosie advised to just give her a call and Dana requested she bring Choco, Cecil, and Chet too. As they left to continue on their way, Yamada grumbled, “What’s this about a ‘small dinner’? I haven’t gotten to spend any time with you yet at all!”   
  
“That’s what tomorrow is for, silly” she pouted, “Besides, if I’m alone with just you _too_ long, we may corrupt our baby.”   
  
Corrupt him? How? Yamada jumped when she pinched his ass rather slyly and expressionlessly. Well, damn. “…Okay.”   
  
She slipped her hand into his and he felt such…relief. Just such simple things that made this chaos seem worth it. 

When they arrived at the little studio, somehow he wasn’t even that surprised to see The Photographer there, telling them happily he finally got a job where he wanted. Good, that’s the way it ought to be. The guy exclaimed and asked what their baby’s name was, probably preoccupied during that whole period surrounding Shin’s birth. Yamada…instantly felt a bit awkward and reluctant. Dana looked to him, confused. “His name is Shin.”   
  
“Oh, naturally” The Photographer nodded, “Shin’s a good, strong name. There’s no shame in that.”   
  
…Right. It was about two hundred pieces but they went to some simulated room and sat down for the pictures. He had to fight a smirk as Shin was all giggles when he took the lone picture with him. Such a little dork. Dana was all smiles too though and…he felt good about that. 

“Yamachin, what’s the matter with Shin’s name?”   
  
Yamada groaned when they sat at a diner, The Photographer declaring he’d speed up the process and have the photos developed within the day so they could see them. They decided to eat while they waited. “…Tep, Jum, and Roller, they…they kind of got pissant that I named him that. I mean, Ole and the girls didn’t see a problem with it but…” 

Dana scowled, looking at the menu, “They’re being silly. I’ll talk to them tonight after I get Kari and Mina to drag them there.”   
  
God. Shin was asleep against her breast, having been tired out after their mini adventure thus far. Dana smiled at him and gave him some kisses. She…was a good mother, just like he knew she’d be. Just… “Has Domo mentioned having children?”   
  
She looked up slightly, her eyes narrowing, “…He best find someone else then. I won’t ever have his children.”   
  
“I…I know you don’t want to” he amended faintly, “Just…just, what if he makes you?”   
  
“He won’t.”   
  
What was this rather confident adamance? This man killed over sixty people and got away with it. Did Dana have some sort of power over him? That…possibility infuriated him more. Dana stared at him solemnly, “Yagami Yamada, until the day I die or you decide otherwise, you will be the only person I’ll ever be with.”   
  
“Oh…?”   
  
He was prepared to ask more but the waitress came to get their order. After that, Dana gushed about the food she wanted to serve tonight at this makeshift party she somehow threw together. There…was still a lot of missing pieces from not being together for five months, more than what he would have wanted. 

What did she mean?   
  


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_“I expect better from you three.’  
  
For all purposes, Yagami Dana was true to her word. They had a nice little crew of their old group together. It…it somewhat reminded of him the old days when Shin would just have those little get-togethers. From what he heard, those…those didn’t happen anymore. No one picked up the mantle. To think the guy that didn’t care an ounce about his friend’s own personal lives was the one that kept them interacting. There was some irony there, he knew it. _

_The trio did show up with Kari and Mina, just as his wife said, and they awkwardly squirmed around him just like he did when he felt ill explaining to The Photographer his son’s name. Alas, Dana walked right up to them and gave them a scolding look…like a mother. “Hamasaki Shin may have made a world and a half of mistakes but you went to his home, you ate his food, you drank his liquor, and you were his companions. Even if in the end you decided to part ways with him, you know that was Yamada’s good friend or he wouldn’t have done even half the things he’d done for him. That you’re questioning him naming our son ‘Shin’ after everything is ridiculous and it’s even more ridiculous you think it’s an omen when it’s my husband raising him. Don’t you curse my baby because of the sins of someone else or because I wanted my husband to name him after someone he cared about.”  
  
…Really, he just kind of loved her. _

_Kari and Mina scoffed at the group too, demanding how they were creating a bias against basically a newborn child. They seemed to reflect upon it and…well, he felt a little irritated it took other people to get them thinking straight, but they talked to him normally. Dana…fixed everything every time._

_Ole came over to him, drinking a beer, and sat down. He asked if Dana was back and if they’d found a legal way to get past all the nonsense. Yamada stared at his wife… **his** wife and wished that were the case. “No…I…I still have to get better.” _

_…He still had to fix this._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_“Mm, Yamachin…”  
  
What was the deal with the lights? Certainly they had sex in all sort of lighting situations but what was it about them now? Yamada groaned as he pumped his hips between her legs, admittedly distracted. They were getting touchy feely after Shin went to sleep and he was ready to go. She got up and turned off the lights. They did not do that. Not to mention, she kept pressing for this position where he could hardly see her. Oh, he could definitely feel her but what was this? What was she hiding? _

_Yamada groaned, ejaculating inside of her without abandon. He…guessed he should have been more concerned about condoms but seriously, what were the chances he’d get her pregnant in this short spans of time again? He had larger concerns._

_He sat up and lightly leered at her. “What are you hiding from me?”  
  
“What? What do you mean?” Dana murmured, lightly panting to catch her breath. _

_“Lights off? Missionary? We don’t worry about that s—t.”  
  
“I-I just am more comfortable with it. Is that a crime?”   
  
Criminal? Hardly. Questionable? Very. He had sex with Dana in the middle of a crowded living room once, these scruples were coming out of nowhere. Coming to his feet, he marched over to the light switch and flipped it on. Dana quickly grabbed a blanket and threw it over her front. _

_…He knew it._

_Yamada stared at her as she trembled, her chin pressed to her chest. He just…thought. Wandering closer to her, he gently clasped her cheeks. She looked at him weakly and pleadingly. He didn’t understand her resistance at first but he…could come up with many reasons. He didn’t need any of them. Softly he moved the blanket and swallowed upon seeing the numerous purple and black marks all over her body._

_“I-I asked t-that he try not to hit me in the face so-so he just punched other areas” she insisted quickly, “I-It’s normally not like this.”  
  
If he’d killed him…right then…and right there…it would have all been perfect. It was in his mind to, staring at the battered body of this being he’d give his life for if asked of him and he meant that. He truly meant that and hearing that this bastard that had his best friend killed was now beating his wife anywhere on her body… _

_Yamada clamored to his feet, about to put his pants on and go on a killing spree. They can mow him down if they wanted but this was it. It ended here. Dana quickly grabbed his wrist, shaking her head rapidly. “T-This is why I didn’t want to show you, Yama. Please, there is nothing you can do about this. Shin-chan needs you here. If something happens to you, God knows what will happen to him because he won’t be able to come back to me. I’m-I’m sure anyone will pick up the mantle, Souma or my grandpa, but he needs you. That smile is for you and you need to stay focused on that.”  
  
While his fucking wife was getting beaten like this?! He couldn’t even focus on anything right now, even her words were getting overpowered by his bloodlust! Alas…that pleading look on her face broke through it. _

_…He was garbage._

_“C’mon, let’s shower and go to bed” she murmured, grasping his hand, “I want to enjoy our last few hours tomorrow. It’s been so nice.”  
  
Yea. It had been. _

_After they bathed and all he could see was the battery, Dana curled up with their baby and went to sleep. He sat up, hugging his knees, and stared at her. It…it didn’t even roll over in his head. This idea that anything…anything would make anyone put their hands on her. Yes, God, he fought people but only because they sought to fight him first. He doubted Dana provoked fist fights with Domo so he just…beat her. And this surprised him, like it would surprise him after everything. Yamada knew Domo was abusive, he’d seen it firsthand. He’d seen the amount of violence he was capable of. Just…he hadn’t thought…_

_Swallowing hard, he buried his face in his arms and breathed gently. He was so angry right now. SO angry. Once upon a time, if he were ever to have been even close to this angry, he’d go after the source, no issue. Now? Now, he had to be a responsible adult. A responsible father and husband. No…no good would come from his wrath. He’d…he’d feel better but no good would come from it._

_All he could do was shudder as he repeated that mantra in his head. He couldn’t be an old Wasaba kid anymore. That’s not how decent people dealt with their issues. Just…accept that, while you tried to get your medical degree, that the woman you loved was getting beaten for no…no reason…by someone…above the law, that killed…your best friend…_

_“Yama?”  
  
He looked up slowly, pretty sure he had a bloodthirsty look on his face. He couldn’t help it. There was no human being on this Earth he actually wanted dead. Until now. Dana was gazing at him with gentle brown eyes. She…she needed him to get it together. _

_“…Hisakawa” she whispered._

_“What?”  
  
“The last time I saw you look this angry. It was when Hisakawa said your blood was ‘tainted’ and you were like your father.”   
  
Ha! That was absolutely nothing compared to this! Dana crawled closer, carefully over their son, and rested her head against his chest. “I love you.”   
  
“I love you too.” _

_“So please, don’t…don’t be tortured about this. I knew what it would mean. I knew. Please, just…just do what you can but please take care of yourself too.”  
  
To hell with that. He’d work himself to the bone now if he had to. It might cut into his time with his son but he had a duty to get his wife and son’s mother back. It was just…time could only move as fast as conceptually allowed. He couldn’t fabricate more hours in the day or how long a class should last. He just…needed to act quickly. _

_…It would still be two, three years at earliest though. He had to accept that. He…he was garbage. His wife had to take this torture because…because he hadn’t been able to offer more. Not even enough to save her. Because of him. Shin. Shin…and Domo. Everything had been perfect. And now, that bastard…was beating…his wife._

_“…Dana?” he murmured, resting his chin on top of her head and closing his eyes.  
  
“Yes, Yama?”   
  
“…From…from now on, I want…I want you to keep count of every time he hurts you” Yamada whispered.   
  
“Yamada.”   
  
“Just…please? So I…I can make up for every moment he’s hurt you. So I can make it up to you.”   
  
Dana fell silent and he softly kissed the top of her head, “…Or just so I can offer you affection for every second of pain.”   
  
“…Okay.”   
  
He gave her back tomorrow. They were going to be there at noon on the dot to come snatch her from his life again. Come Monday, he’d be back to work, school, and leaving his infant son with the sister of his dead friend. The same dead friend that was instrumental in his wife being with the one responsible for his death. No Dana. Just him. _

_Glancing toward the family picture Dana had put in a frame happily that was sitting on his nightstand, he took three long deep breaths. Okay._

_…He had to fix this._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

“You know, Yagami, you’re dumber than I thought you’d be.”   
  
God, kill him. 

Yagami Yamada stared evenly at the back of Dr. Matsushima Shiro’s head. He tried not to glare anymore because that didn’t seem very doctorly but _God,_ was it hard. 

In the autumn, Yamada took his test for pre-med. He knew he’d have been nervous and loopy like the former exams he took had he not had a purpose. No, he didn’t have time for self-doubts and mental admonitions. He had a mission and that was to get his wife home to their family. He blew it away, scoring in the top percentile. He didn’t have time for anything less. 

The deal was supposed to be he’d start working at the hospital with Dr. Matsushima immediately upon getting into pre-med but he demanded he ‘get a semester in’. Probably just to stall him so he’d flunk out and have a good reason not to give him a job in the hospital. Yamada rose to the challenge and was top student in the program. Matsushima had _no_ choice unless he was going to go directly against Hardy Bryant. Yamada had to admit the upper hand was pretty great. 

Alas, it was _different_. The clinic had set hours and he knew when he was going home or coming in. He had _shifts_ now and generally, to accommodate school, he had to take night shifts. He cut his hours down to just doing Souma’s labs which only took two hours at most. Now he was going to school during the day and that very much helped him take more classes. After classes, he’d go home and spend about two hours with his son then go to work from about nine in the night to five in the morning. He’d drag himself home, shower, go to bed, get up around 9:00 to do homework, rush to get Souma’s work done, go to class, and start the whole cycle over. 

The exhaustion…was amazing. There were times he was so tired he thought he stopped living. It was just like a blank void pervaded all his senses and it was neither a dream nor sleep. It was as if his body had no idea how to work through this process and he was pushing it to its limit. He _had_ to stop taking Saturday morning classes to get some rest or he was afraid he would literally not make it. He still took a night class but at least the day and night he was getting…some sleep. 

His little rascal. He felt…so awful because Shin was growing up so much without him there. Ayame was so apologetic when he came back one night to find his little guy attempting to walk. He was just grateful he got to see the first ones without guidance or he’d have been miserable. 

His baby was growing up. Shin called him ‘dada’ and everything now. He called Ayame ‘yaya’ and he made sure to point out Dana’s picture to make sure she was attributed as ‘mama’. Shin…understandably didn’t do as well with that one but he did try. His son was a year old now. A year. 

“Are you listening to me?”   
  
Oops. “Um, sorry. I heard I’m stupider than you let on.”   
  
“Egads” Matsuhima huffed, shaking his head, “Maybe those tests are all fixed!”   
  
Yea, yea. “Look, I’m just saying the psyche can play a major role in health. I’ve been reading a lot of studies about it--”   
  
“And it’s akin to witchcraft!” Matsuhima huffed, “You practice the way you want _if_ they put a doctor on your name, Yagami, but for right now you just do what I tell you to.”   
  
Way, way different than Souma. Yamada was taking a woman’s vitals and, much like when Yamada started at the Bryant Clinic, people were very wary of him. Instead, here, at a major hospital, no one spoke up for him. He noted her blood pressure was spiking every time he touched her and, being that she had no history of that, Yamada gathered it was him. He _politely_ asked if he could get her another nurse because he figured the stressor of him being the one doing it was throwing off her reading. 

Matsushima of course overheard and barked at him just to record her readings and be done with it. They were _wrong_ though! Scoffing, Matsushima looked aggravated. “God rue the day these fanatic thoughts pervade _medicine_. Stress! Affecting blood pressure!”   
  
Why was this hard to believe?! “With all due respect, doctor, the heart speeds up when one is afraid or nervous or even running. These are false positives. If I took a test where someone is in any of these sort of variables, I can’t just assume they’re having a heart attack.”   
  
“You can’t assume they’re not either.”   
  
Well…no. “But--” 

“Yamada, in no place would anyone consider the blond Japanese man a reason for a woman’s blood pressure to go up. It’s purely nonsense.”   
  
It’d be _nice_ if it were purely nonsense. That was really Matsushima’s ‘redeeming’ factor. Perhaps he was enabling it in a way by not seeing it but he did consider the racism ‘nonsense’. The problem was he didn’t expect anyone else to commit it and that was where he was pretty damn wrong. 

“Dr. Matsushima!” 

Yamada blinked languidly as one of the nurses rushed to the good doctor and started gushing and rambling. Everyone came to him with every little thing, Yamada had observed. ‘Oh no, this man is bleeding!’ or ‘oh no, we’re out of jello!’. _Deal with it._ If Yamada had to come running for every minute incident, he knew this wasn’t for him. 

Alas, today was different. “S-Sir, one of th-the new mother’s babies. He’s cried for-for _two days straight_.”   
  
“Then give him a sedative” Matsushima said mildly. 

Wait, _what_? Yamada lightly gaped at him, “…Sir, with… all due respect, I don’t think a _two day old baby_ should get a sedative.”   
  
“Oh” Matsushima said dryly, “Is the baby two days old or is Yagami reaching?”   
  
God. “No sir, he’s correct: the baby is two days old. Please, if-if you have just a moment to observe.”   
  
Matsushima _wasn’t_ a neonatal doctor though. Why’d they all come to him? Yamada wasn’t certain he was _that_ great. Well, at the things people came to him for. Admittedly, the surgical parts were like watching art and Yamada was mesmerized. Everyone had their fortes… 

So, they went. Yamada wanted to ask if he could go check on his son but Matsushima, despite being a father, wasn’t very giving with that. He just couldn’t imagine what the man’s children were like. Shin was his everything but Matsushima basically seemed like he lived here and never even bothered to see his kids. He…he didn’t want that. Should Dana and he have more children, he…he wanted to be there for them. 

When they got to the nursery level, he frowned when indeed, the sound of one particularly unhappy baby overwhelmed everything going on. Maybe they _did_ need to give him something, he sounded like…like he was in pain. 

Upon walking into the room, alas, so was he. 

His mind instantly crashed when it was none other than his wife sitting on the bed, holding the source of the intense weeping. Yamada’s mouth went dry, noting her stomach was still somewhat extended. She… 

…She had Domo’s children. 

“Kamaishi-san, t-this is Dr. Matsushima. He’s come to take a look at Nerimaru to see what’s the matter.”   
  
Yamada swallowed, looking down instantly when Dana looked up. She…she had said she wouldn’t have his children but he knew she couldn’t stop that. Just…now she had other ties to that place. Domo probably would want to keep _his_ children and…and Dana…Dana wouldn’t leave her children there. Damn it. 

“…Yes, please.”   
  
Matsushima idly walked over and took the upset newborn, appearing to do a preliminary test. “…He’s a small thing. Was he born prematurely?”   
  
“No, sir” the nurse informed, “He’s a twin.”   
  
F—king great. And there were _two_ of Domo’s children. Yamada was growing more and more ill, glaring toward one of Kamaishi’s guards. It was one of the ones there when Yamada first met Domo, unfortunately, and he was giving him a look to kill. Fantastic. 

“Where is the twin?” Matsushima questioned, putting his stethoscope back around his neck. 

“The other one—Koji—he wasn’t breathing when he was born” the nurse explained, “He’s in bad shape and he’s on the ventilator right now.” 

…Oh. Yamada dared a look at Dana….and as he imagined, even if they _were_ Domo’s, she carried these children for nine months in her body. And they were _half_ hers. She looked absolutely crushed. Matsushima scratched his head, looking to the guard. Somehow he must have grasped the fact this was a yakuza situation and cleared his throat. “He’s in perfectly good shape, ma’am, but something seems to be wrong. We’ll continue running tests.”   
  
The nurse tugged his arm, having him bend so she could whisper in his ear. Yamada frowned as he may have heard ‘we’ve done _every_ test’. Matsushima glowered, “Then he’s just a _crying baby_.”   
  
Dana looked upset, picking ‘Nerimaru’ back up. “He has been a ‘crying baby’ for two days _straight._ He will not eat, he will not sleep, and he _has_ to be dehydrated. Please, y-you have to know _something_ else.”   
  
…She barely even got to hold their baby when he was born. This one, this one from some bastard she didn’t even love, she got to coddle and take care of. Feeling bitter, he looked away. He…he ought not have anything to do with this. 

“Excuse me, Dr. Matsushima, I’m going to go do my rounds.”   
  
The man looked at him, his lids half-closed, “…If you do, try not to work out anymore half-cocked schemes, will you?”   
  
Screw him. Yamada nodded, gripping his fists as he marched out of the room. Fucking fantastic. His wife. _His_ wife had had that monster’s children and now what? Where was he anyway? Couldn’t even bother to show up for his own damn children’s birth. Now Yamada’s wife, the wife that demon _stole_ , had to account for…them. Twins. 

For an honest moment, he sincerely thought… 

However, he recognized that darkness in himself and repented it. He may not like it but these were Dana’s children. Not to mention…Yamada gazed into the room where newborns were in critical condition, able to easily pick out which one was Dana’s. He…he had every single possible apparatus there with doctor’s lingering over him. Yamada swallowed. 

…That baby…had done literally nothing to make him hate him. Except be born of someone he wished was dead. That…that was still his wife’s child. 

Putting on a mask, Yamada entered the room and instantly drew attention. “Excuse me? Can we help you?”   
  
The gaijin? Yes. “I’m a ward of Dr. Matsushima and he’s looking into the situation with this baby’s brother. I was sent to ascertain his situation. Perhaps he and his brother are sharing an issue.”   
  
Skeptical. Is this what he’d have to face his entire life as a doctor? One of them muttered that, for all purposes, this one was just ‘weak’ and they couldn’t find a great reason for it. What? Yamada tried to keep his face stoic but it was hard. All he’d heard thus far was ‘well, we don’t have a clue what’s going on’. Not _one_? Even being _gassy_ would be a start at this point. This one was _dying_ and the other was on the verge. What was with this shrugging mentality? 

He was mystified as he left, also scratching his head. Okay…so both of their vitals weren’t giving any sort of proof. The poor kid in there, they knew he wasn’t doing well but not why. The other, he was crying his little heart out for no good reason. To not even be comforted by his own _mother_ … 

…Wait. 

Yamada stood, thinking. That…would be entirely illogical. These weren’t adults, they weren’t affected by psychology yet…were they? Could they…? 

…Matsushima would have a _fit_. If Yamada was wrong, the guy would _definitely_ kick him out. And perhaps rightfully so because this didn’t make any medical sense to Yamada but maybe, just perhaps. Swallowing, he stalked back to the room. Whatever happened, he’d own it. At least he was looking for a solution. 

When he walked back in, Dana was in full weeping mode and it took everything in him not to go hold her. Not with trigger happy over there. Choking down his anger, Yamada drawled, “Dr. Matsushima?”   
  
The man looked up, his brow tense, probably aggravated by ‘Nerimaru’s’ wails. “I thought you were making rounds, Yagami.”   
  
“I…I will. But I checked on the other baby, they said he’s in bad shape but…but they don’t know why.”   
  
“Yes, Yagami, I’ve gotten at least _that_ far” Matsushima said dryly. 

God. “Well, I…have a recommendation.”   
  
Dana looked up at him hopefully as Matsushima blinked slowly, “Oh, so _you_ have a recommendation when the rest of us have no idea? Please, let’s hear it.”   
  
…He was going to make him look like an idiot in front of Dana and one of Domo’s goons. No way. “If I…can demonstrate instead, sir.”   
  
“Demonstrate?” Matsushima echoed. 

Yamada took a deep breath and wandered over to Dana. She looked up at him, flushed and tired. He wanted to kiss her and assure he was going to fix this. He…had to fix everything. 

Taking Nerimaru from her, he tilted his head to direct them to follow. Here goes. 

Matsushima was _already_ onto him. “Damn it, Yagami, is this more of that ‘psychology’ nonsense? The boy’s _two days old_.”   
  
Yamada made a face as they walked up the hallway, saying over Nerimaru’s screams, “Two days outside of the _womb_ , Dr. Matsushima. He’s spent the last nine months with another being beside him.”   
  
“You think he was even _aware_ of his brother’s existence? Yagami, you’re becoming living proof of what our medical community is becoming: _insane_.”   
  
God. Yamada’s brow ticked as the nurse agreed with the good doctor’s sentiments and bastard goon chuckled derisively. Well, it was more than what these assholes were doing. He glanced to Dana, expecting even she’d be skeptical. Alas, she looked at him pleadingly, as if needing him to figure this out regardless. She…she always believed in him even when he didn’t. And he didn’t. Matsushima was right, this was hokey as hell and he was clenching at straws. 

Just…he just knew if…if these little beings were like him… 

Opening the door to the intensive care again, the doctors there looked up at him in dismay. They questioned why he was bringing a _healthy_ baby in here when they didn’t know what was wrong with this one. “A fool’s errand”, Matsushima reported. 

Damn him. “Let’s speak scientifically then, _doctor”_ Yamada said tartly. “In the ultrasounds, was there a membrane between the two babies?”   
  
The doctors slowly shook their heads. “Monochorionic. It’s a high risk pregnancy where the umbilical cord has a larger chance of tangling or compression. A potential reason this one wasn’t breathing. That being said, they both came out not conjoined and one is in good… _loud_ shape. But for the last 36 weeks, these babies have been right next to each other. And if this one, Koji, wasn’t breathing when he came out and was immediately removed, that may be what is causing Nerimaru’s distress.” 

“And how, pray tell, do you plan to test this theory, Yagami?” 

Uh, simple? Yamada opened the hatch and slowly settled Nerimaru beside Koji. 

“You can’t just put him _in there_ —that baby can be sick!! Are you crazy?!” bellowed one of the doctors. 

Yamada internally groaned as everyone was screaming about protocol and how he was out of his mind. Matsushima swore up and down he’d never practice medicine in this country as long as he was around. It was worth a— 

Dana choked, “S-Shh!” 

He glanced to her, startled, and everyone fell silent…and it was _truly_ silent. Stunned senseless _himself_ , Yamada quickly looked to the babies in disbelief. 

Nerimaru, utterly calmed, had actually somewhat…curled into his brother, the sick one still rather still. However, his…his heart beat was…slightly better. One of the supervising nurses gasped that he was even showing better breathing patterns. 

Really? They…they just…knew the other wasn’t there? What if one had died? Would…would they have just died then? Yamada stared at Nerimaru, the baby actually already fast asleep and peaceful. They…he glanced back to Dana who looked so…so happy. He gave her a soft smile and took a deep breath. They… 

…They just needed each other.   
  
Yamada bowed and walked out of the quiet room, taking a long deep breath. Okay, Yamada, that…that was a bit of a challenge. And created a lifelong challenge for you. Those…those were Domo’s children and…and when he recovered his wife, they would be with her most likely. He’d…he’d have to treat them right. Just had to. 

He breathed out gently when suddenly he felt arms embrace his waist and just…just knew it was her. Koji…hadn’t even opened his eyes and he’d just known that was his brother. Of course no one else here would hug him in such a way, it just…it was just a feeling. 

“Thank you, Yama” Dana rasped. 

…No matter what, he…he needed her.   
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

**End Notes:**   
  
Ayame hails from Tale of Two Towns, one of the doctors.   
  
This one was kind of my “emotional” chapter because of how Yamada thinks he failed Shin. It was near my Uncle’s passing and I felt a sense of responsibility for not helping him with his diabetes more. We’re nearing a year, surprisingly, but it just still continues to sting. I think I got hung up on this chapter for a while.   
  
While it _does_ sound hokey, there have been a few cases where apparently twins do suffer from some sort of separation anxiety, I suppose? This has been a longstanding ‘trope’ in the Legacy series though, Koji often jokes on Nelly for not being able to ‘live without him’. 

And don’t think _too_ badly of Yamada, he just doesn’t really know. 


	10. Koji

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how I forgot to include this in the original file but this is the first time the n-word has appeared in any of my works via a rap song (I don't own Hypnotize by Biggie Smalls). This should not occur regularly whatsoever though rap/hip hop and R&B may appear prominently in Selena's story. I did censor it but it's there.
> 
> Also, I don't own whatever that Backstreet Boys song is...I was more into N*Sync XP

**Chapter 10:** Koji 

**Author’s Note:** **_This is a very graphic chapter. Trigger warnings abound. Proceed with caution_** . 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

Popuri quietly walked into their home alongside her husband. Koji looked around sleepily before stretching. “Well…I reckon I need to go lie down. You joining me?”  
  
“A-Ah, in a little while. I-I need to clean up.”  
  
Koji frowned, walking toward her, “You were quiet the whole ride home, baby, what’s the matter?”  
  
“I…It’s nothing. I was just worried about you.”  
  
He hugged her at the small of her back, still pale, “I’m okay, baby. I don’t know what’s going on but I’ll check in with my doctor and see what he thinks. Might’ve just been a fluke. I’ve been stressed lately too.”  
  
Bowing her head, she nodded slowly and he kissed her temple. Against her wishes, he insisted he help her clean up so she could come to bed with him. She just…couldn’t believe where she was imagining this was going. 

Dana and Yamada Yagami were…were such sweet people. Yes, her parents had been married for a long while but that was including the thirteen years her dad was supposedly out looking for ‘cures’ for her mother. For nearing a hundred years, Yamada and Dana had been together. That…that took a level of trust she knew she had with Koji, an abundance of love and understanding. So…the idea that, at some point, they said ‘we need to get rid of Koji’s memories’ which defied all understanding and trust…? 

And…it may have been self-serving, but that look they gave her that said ‘you have no part in this’? It…it was unbelievable. Not one day in this family had she not belonged. Not once. And they exclude her over a matter that had to do with her…her everything? Koji was in _trouble_ if Mark’s warning came true. Whatever it was, they needed to unite to solve it, not hope it blew over with only a small collection of them knowing. 

Koji slumped into bed after taking off his clothes and setting them in the hamper. She went to the bathroom and sat on the side of their massive tub, holding her phone. While it would have been perfectly normal for her to have text Jill, Koji’s only sister, about things of this nature, she…she was also the one that nonverbally dismissed her tonight. 

When Jill first came to Mineral, then, Town, they connected. Her and Cliff…they were friends. Just…why did that suddenly feel at risk after all this time? Finding his number, she absently tapped her thigh. 

“Hey, Po.”  
  
“Hey, Cliff. I hope I’m not bothering you…” she murmured. 

“Not at all” he assured, sounding like he was typing, “Burning the midnight oil like your husband. How’s he doing, by the way? Jill told me what happened.”  
  
“He’s fine…sleeping. Um, so…”  
  
Standing to pace, she bit her lip, “Is…Is Jill nearby?”  
  
“No, she’s on the phone with Tony. Why?”  
  
“Well, I…I don’t know if I want her to hear this conversation.”  
  
“…Oh. One sec.”  
  
Apparently he stood and shut the door to the office the two shared in the old winery Cliff inherited from Manna, an elder of their town that left many moons ago to live with her daughter after her husband’s death. So much…history. Was…was that what was going on here? 

“What’s up?”  
  
“…Cliff, this is going to sound crazy but…I think when Koji was four, his parents may have wiped his memory of his stepfather.”  
  
She could just feel Cliff’s confusion. “Popuri, this isn’t…Star Trek or something, you don’t just ‘wipe memories’ or mind meld or whatever. Especially in—what? The _eighties_? We couldn’t even see the names of people who called us until the nineties, Popuri.”  
  
“I get that, Cliff, really. It’s just…I have some inside information and Koji is showing signs. And I think your wife and the rest of them know about it. I know it sounds _crazy_ but you didn’t see it. We…we passed Domo, the stepfather, and Koji saw him, threw up, and then it was like it never happened. He just… _deleted_ it.”  
  
Cliff fell quiet. It…was a pretty harmful claim that his wife was keeping something secret. He may not like it. “I mean, I don’t think Jill had a part in it, Cliff, she was an infant in the suggested time period. But they know and I…I don’t think they want to tell us. They’re protecting Koji…from himself.”  
  
He sighed deeply. “I…I know what you’re saying, Po, it sounds _completely_ sketchy and it’s been sketchy going on two months now. Just…I don’t know what our stake in it is. I can’t say ‘Jill, bae, tell me what your family’s deep dark secrets are’. She’s not going to tell me because, even though they _are_ my family, they…aren’t. I’m an inclusion, these are my relatives, but I wasn’t there for that.”  
  
Dropping her head, she scoffed softly, “I know my stake in it, Cliff: my husband is going to be sick and struggle. I don’t need the Yagami’s deep dark secrets but I need them if they hurt him.”  
  
“…What if knowing doesn’t help?”  
  
… “I dunno” she rasped. 

Cliff’s chair creaked as he apparently leaned back, “…Don’t fret. I will _attempt_ to ask my dad about it but it’s not likely he knows or will tell me. He’s all about keeping other people’s secrets.”  
  
Right…right, Craig may know. “Thank you, Cliff. And…and don’t get too deep into this if you find yourself there. I’ll figure this out one way or another.”  
  
Parting with him, she changed into her night clothes and went back to their bedroom. Koji was fast asleep, curled up on his side. Getting into bed with him, she curled against his back and bit her lip. 

…She would protect him if no one else would. Even…even if _she_ had to come toe to toe with the almighty Yagami. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_“It was an…interesting story.”  
  
Popuri sat outside with Cliff as he drank coffee in the same spot where Mark brought her. This way they were away from Mineral and the possibility of Jill crossing them. “What did he say?”  
  
“Well, unfortunately he said by that point that while he and Yamada were and are still good friends, they drifted a little bit. He had us and a job and all. He did help their dad with some major stuff but nothing like mental melts on their children.”  
  
She sighed deeply, dropping her head. So another dead end. “He did tell me one thing though: that the family had to move really fast following Domo’s trial.”  
  
“That’s a bit more information” Popuri drawled, “But…he couldn’t give anymore or was he being secretive?”  
  
“Well…Popuri, I hate to say it but that was kind of a while ago. It wasn’t like us starting off in the 80s, our parents were already into their twenties by then.”  
  
God, so true. Asking anyone else alive during that era, they’d just have to try to muddle out through all the other awful things they’d featured in their life. Murder and crime happened every day and having nearly a hundred years of seeing that? It had to run together.  
  
…She wasn’t going to get answers from other people. She couldn’t. It…it would have to come from the source. _

Popuri wandered home from work with a sigh, feeling…stressed. And, perhaps, unrightfully so. As…as they said, this could all blow over. 

But what was ‘this’ in the first place?  
  
Opening the door, she announced her arrival only to be met entirely by yelling. 

“I could have _sworn_ dad said you guys could leave me the f—k alone! Why are you here?!”  
  
“Because we’re worried about you!”  
  
Yeesh. They just couldn’t help themselves. Popuri walked into the living room and saw Nelly had come in from the door in the kitchen, apparently. Koji looked pissed. His twin glowered at him gravely, “Koji, I am allowed to be worried about you, contrary to popular belief.”  
  
“Worry from your home a whole ten minute walk from here! If something happened, you can literally be here in four minutes with a car!” 

Popuri smiled awkwardly, slowly walking closer to her irate husband, “H-Hello.”  
  
His attention turned and he quickly smiled probably more for her sake. His temple was still ticking, “Hey, baby. How was work?”  
  
“It was good. Um, what do you want for dinner?”  
  
Koji reached out to hug her gently, kissing her forehead, “You sit and relax. I’ll make us something good.” 

While she was about to protest, Nelly leered, “Koji, your doctor told you to rest along with our dad, remember?” 

What? She couldn’t see his face but Koji probably sent his twin a look to kill. “What? What did your doctor tell you?!”  
  
Oh, he gets mad at _them_ for hiding things! Even now, he attempted to play it off! “He just…said I may have had some abnormal neural readings. Nothing major.” 

_Nothing major_ ? “And what is he going to do about it?” she demanded.  
  
“Well, he thinks I’m just being _stressed_ by certain _family members_ ” Koji said huffily, glowering at Nelly.  
  
Popuri sighed as Nelly gave him a look back. “Koji, just…please go take it easy. I’ll order Chinese and we can cuddle in bed.”  
  
“S—t, best thing I’ve heard all day” he agreed, kissing her sweetly. “I can at least _order_ it. Why don’t you chill us some wine?”  
  
She smiled lightly and nodded. Nelly looked after his brother as he disappeared into the other room to find the number. “…Ugh.”  
  
…Okay. “Um, Nelly, may I ask you something?”  
  
“Hmm?” he said absently, looking to her, “Oh, yea, sure, Popuri. What’s up?”  
  
“I, uh…I am really worried about Koji. He…he may have saw Domo in passing recently. Um, we were out with some friends and he pointed Domo out because he’d seen a picture. He was just sitting in a car beside ours. Koji saw him and just…you know, he threw up and then he just flat out forgot about it. It…it was really weird.”  
  
Nelly stared at her blankly for a second. His dark eyes looked…so agitated. “If that happened, why didn’t you mention it to us?”  
  
“It…it wasn’t that long ago. Just three or four days.”  
  
He actually snarled and started for the door. Probably to report back to the main group what had occurred without telling her a damn thing. ‘Why didn’t you mention it to us?’? Why don’t you tell Koji and her what was going on?!  
  
“Nelly!” she called, getting irritated herself. 

He stopped but didn’t turn to her. This…was something personal. She had a good relationship with her brother-in-law. After what happened with Elli, she tried to be at least a closer aunt to his children since their mother practically disowned them. He’d thanked her for it. What was this?  
  
“…Just…try to keep Koji inside, okay?”  
  
What? He went out the back door and she seethed, dropping her shoulders back and staring at the ceiling. Keep Koji inside. Keep him from worrying, keep him from overthinking, keep him from trying to get information, and now, keep him inside. If they got any more suspicious it’d be criminal.  
  
And her sweet Koji, he wandered in. Koji apparently wasn’t _that_ angry with Nelly, starting, “Hey Nell, you want something too?”  
  
“He’s gone.”  
  
“What?” Koji scowled, looking up from the menu, “The f—k! They’re all flipping crazy, I swear to God.”  
  
Popuri didn’t say anything as he grumbled about ‘insane relatives’ and dialed the number on his phone. “Kochi?”  
  
“Hmm?”  
  
“I…I do believe they’re hiding something. And…and I do believe it’s something that may hurt you and I’m very worried for you. Very worried” she whispered.  
  
He tilted his head at her before taking her hand, pulling her against him and pressing his lips to her forehead. “I don’t know what’s going on, baby, but I promise you I will get to the bottom of it before I let it stress you completely out. Just…hold on. I’ll work my way around it.”  
  
But that was the problem: he may not be able to. This may be something that was going to hinder him or cause him permanent harm. It may not be something he should really explore but…but the others couldn’t just expect her to sit around, waiting, without any knowledge of this. What if…what if Mark was right? What if this mentally destroyed the man she loved? 

She…she couldn’t let that happen. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_“Are you f—king serious?”  
  
Yamada rubbed his temple, knowing this was serious for Shin certainly didn’t use profanity like that. His brothers were regular sailors, it was just a part of their vernacular and meaningless. ‘How was your f—king day?’ type of meaningless. But Shin? No, if that came out of his mouth, it meant something was really f—king serious. _

_Dana looked to him for a response but he didn’t have one. This was expected. For everything this man did, why did they expect him to respect the law? He still ran it, for God’s sake._

_He stared away as they all sat in the living room of the mansion where he raised all of his children to adulthood. This rather sacred place where he could bring them up away from everything he’d had as a child. It was funny…but Domo came through the other side. Without Dana, he’d probably have never really known this guy existed. Maybe because of both Shin’s but not…not like this._

_Nelly huffed, sitting between a silent Tony and Jill, and stood to pace. “He’s following Koji and as long as he’s following Koji, everything will be triggered! He’ll REMEMBER.”  
  
“Why didn’t Popuri mention this?” Shin questioned, looking frustrated, “This is important.”  
  
While there were rumbles of agreement amongst the children, Yamada felt a trifle defensive of someone that’d been in their family long enough to feel like another child to him. “I will remind you that Popuri knows absolutely nothing about Domo the same way Koji does. She knows we don’t like him but that’s not telling much. And, knowing Koji, he was probably drinking. Maybe she didn’t think much of it until the seizure.”  
  
Dana groaned, “Yes, that boy does love to drink. While I think she would have noticed that’s not normal for intoxicated Koji, nothing is beyond the realm of possibility for him.” _

_Nelly grunted as Shin kneaded his temple with a sigh, “…You’re both right, I can’t expect her to feed us information when she doesn’t know a thing about this or that we even need information fed to us. We haven’t told her that Domo has a restraining order keeping him from around Koji or…anything. Maybe we ought to.”  
  
“No!” Nelly snapped, “She’ll tell him! She won’t keep this from her own damn husband, that’s crazy talk!”  
  
“Nelly—“  
  
Dana waved a hand, standing, “…Let’s just try to solve this carefully. Is there any security we can base around Koji to make sure Domo’s not following him?”  
  
Shin looked grave, “…I don’t know who to trust right now. My…my guys are looking a little different.”  
  
Of course. Yamada watched as they made plans and discussed how to handle Koji’s life amongst themselves. Yamada smiled darkly to himself, thinking he’d have lost his mind if they were doing this for him. Koji would have probably burned this room to the ground. _

_This wasn’t going to end well. It couldn’t. And as long as they pretended it was, when the bomb dropped they’d look all the worst for it._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

“God, I’m going to die.”  
  
Yagami Yamada felt like he was dragging a house with him just making the few steps down his hallway from the elevator. Thankfully he got off early tonight, having gone in around three after getting out of exams. ‘Early’ was still midnight but better than five in the morning. He could take poor Ayame home tonight. With this messed up schedule of his, she pretty much just lived with him. He even got her a nice daybed to sit in the corner. It probably was a little weird to have a fourteen year old nanny but she seemed to prefer being there… 

…Things were looking up. After the whole twin incident, the hospital was in something of a frenzy. ‘Dr. Matsushima’s ward figured something out!’, ‘he fixed the babies by putting them in the same _crib_ ’. It was a little ridiculous but his name was getting around. Eventually it might add up to someone trusting his ‘gajin-ness’. Honestly, Matsushima surprised him the most. 

The man had been silent for hours, Yamada even going to do those rounds he was supposed to do and returning to see what else he might need. He was on the roof, smoking, a vice Yamada _really_ missed about now. Matsushima exhaled, saying ‘ _I don’t know how I feel about you yet, Yagami’._

Really? He seemed pretty clear about how he felt about him between ‘fool’ and ‘lunatic’. The man took a long draw, staring at him absently, _“…If that’s what that infant needed, he would have long-suffered for it. I can’t think that far out of the box, I can’t try the impractical because all the logical has been exceeded. Maybe once upon a time but not anymore. Practical only makes sense to me.”_

Shouldn’t it though? Shouldn’t they always have a logical solution to a problem? _“Naturally, that’s what we want, Yagami. We want clear precise answers with clear concise methods. All the same? This is the last field where we can expect clear cut answers all the time. It’s improbable and just as impractical as the answers I refuse to consider. But you did.”_

… _“I…I’m new at this?”  
  
“You should stay new at this, Yagami. That’s how we separate the good doctors from the excellent ones. If you find yourself being a ‘good’ doctor, you’re just getting by. An excellent doctor knows to push past the status quo.” _

…It was good advice from a kind of jerk doctor but, despite Matsushima being as critical of him as before, nowadays he was more ‘devil’s advocate’. Thoughts should be challenged and it did help Yamada flesh out his ideas more. It wasn’t motivational like Souma but it certainly was pushing his envelope a bit. It had even started to help him write more critically in his classes. 

Everything was going well. 

Taking a deep breath, he sighed. Well, almost everything. Today…today was his wife’s birthday. Last year, she was here with him and Shin and it motivated him. Today? Today she was the mother of Domo’s children and probably taking care of them by herself. She…she was probably okay with that. He…was growing ill thinking maybe she was okay with the way things were now. 

No matter. Yamada slipped his key into the door and opened it, about to announce his arrival to Ayame. Instead, he almost fell over in _shock_. 

…Dana. And her twins. 

The babies were lying on a blanket on the floor in front of them but Dana was holding Shin in her lap. His son usually was not one for sitting idle but seemed he was putting up with it. Just… _what_? About to sputter out a million and a half questions, Dana looked up at him. The biggest smile crossed her face. “Yamada.” 

His heart skipped as she got to her feet, stepping over her babies and coming to him. Just…everything felt right when she kissed him sweetly, hugging him with her free arm. She whispered softly, “Thank you.” 

Eh? What? For the babies? She pulled away, still all smiles. “When I got here, Hamasaki-san answered, holding Shin-chan. He looked at me and smiled, saying ‘mama’.” 

…Oh. 

Yamada smirked at Shin, actually a little impressed. Maybe Shin just needed to see her in the flesh to put two and two together. “Well, he is a smart little joker.” 

“Dada, mama” Shin chimed.  
  
“ _So cute”_ Dana gushed, kissing Shin’s cheek. 

Dana sat him down, going into the kitchen and apparently making him a plate. So…Domo let her come here _again_? And with his kids? What…was his game? Yamada quickly smiled again when Dana set…ah! “The cheesy potatoes? It’s _your_ birthday.” 

“Yea, exactly why I _won’t_ be eating them” she snickered. 

Shin apparently was over being held, kind of doing that limping thing that annoyed the living hell out of Yamada. It was like holding a fifteen pound noodle. Dana smiled, giving Shin one more kiss before setting him on his tiny feet. Yamada watched his son wander back over to the babies, all smiles. Oh…those were his brothers. 

“Mama, mama, mama” Shin gabbled, “Mirku?” 

“Oh, you’re such a good big brother, sweetie” Dana cooed, walking over with them, “We already gave them milk for now. I promise I’ll let you help me next time, okay?”  
  
“Oki.”  
  
Despite his slight trepidation, he couldn’t help smile as Dana sang a children’s song to the trio. Even the babies were kind of kicking their feet and Shin was clapping. Maybe not the most…normal of circumstances but it was a good feeling. 

Rinsing his plate, he wandered over and was prepared to retrieve Shin. Normally his son wasn’t _that_ clingy but he kept going to Dana. The babies probably wanted her attention too. However, Dana smiled happily, “Hold Koji and Nerimaru, Yama.”  
  
…Er. He looked at the two babies, having not seen them since the hospital, and was a little stunned. They were already three months old and it’d made a world of difference size wise. For Nerimaru. 

Somehow, not really knowing _how_ , he could tell them apart even though they were identical. Koji…was far smaller. Not concernedly so but it was enough for him to notice. He frowned and slowly reached out to pick him up. Was he still having issues? He had read the release papers, they said he was ‘fine’ but considering their laissez-faire attitude, he wouldn’t be surprised if they missed something. 

Koji looked up at him as he wandered to his school bag, the one Dana had given him for Christmas, to get his stethoscope. Well, if the dismissing doctors had a whole hospital at their disposal, he doubted it was anything he could figure out with a stethoscope alone. 

Yamada rested Koji back on the blanket to put the earpiece in his ear. About to set the chestpiece against the babe to hear his heart, Koji’s little hand wrapped around his thumb. Oh? Staring at the boy, he found that Koji really looked entirely like his wife. Like, completely. Domo…wasn’t there. Good. 

“Well, if you don’t mind, sir, may I check your heartbeat?” he requested to the baby. 

Koji gurgled and let go of his finger. To be so cute and have a demon for a father. The world served so many injustices. Yamada pressed the stethoscope to his chest…and immediately felt a little nauseous. What? 

“Yama? What’s wrong?” Dana questioned, scooting closer. 

… “…I…am not an authorized physician--” 

“I trust you” Dana said simply, her face becoming nervous, “What’s the matter with my Koji?” 

“I can’t be certain…but it sounds like he has a bit of a murmur” Yamada said softly. 

Dana instantly looked panicked and he waved his free hand, picking Koji up again to do a general physical. “There are normal heart murmurs. Anemia is a common factor.” 

“Uncommon?” 

… “Well” Yamada started reluctantly, “There…may be a hole in his heart.” 

His wife looked horrified and he kissed her gently, “…He’ll be fine though. He’s tiny but I can tell he’s a strong boy. Just next time you see a physician, have them check for his heart carefully, okay?”  
  
“Okay” she whispered. 

Dana recovered and had him hold the twins, declaring she’d purchased a Polaroid to ‘catch these moments’. Okay…? He smiled awkwardly as she took a picture of him holding her two children. 

And, just like last time, she stayed for three days. They ate dinner together, they spent time with their friends, they had sex…weirdly, Dana actually started demanding a condom. By this point, he was more used to her not caring a lick. Was it him? 

When she went home, she put the pictures in a box and set them in the closet. She took…a whole lot of pictures with him, Shin, and the twins. Like, a weird amount. Save for two or three, he looked terribly strained. 

…He regretted that…so much…Everything was going…so well. Why…why did he doubt that? Because…nothing ever worked out right in his life? Not… _everything_ was an injustice? 

Yagami Yamada looked at Kamaishi Koji and Nerimaru before they left, Shin quite upset the ‘babis’ were leaving. He swore…on all the entities he doubted, but almost _had_ to be divine chess players in his miserable life, that he was glad to see them gone. They weren’t his. They were hers which was why he could tolerate them. But…they weren’t his. 

…He was the one…he let the injustice happen. All of them. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_…God, where had the time gone?_

_When Yagami Yamada got up around 10 on his rare Saturday off, he was confused. No Shin? His baby was usually adamant he get up when he got up which was HOURS ago._

_Stumbling out of bed, a little worried, he walked into the main area. It was possible Ayame came over and they were doing something. Ayame was just…perfect. The big sister Shin didn’t have. He was concerned when she started getting into her late teens, now sixteen going on seventeen, that’d she’d find this whole arrangement stupid or boring. No, never. Things had even gotten easier because she went out and got her license. He wanted to help her fund a car but she had enough money saved to get a brand new ’84 Nissan 300ZX. The thing TALKED. A TALKING CAR._

_That aside, she drove here every morning and he was comfortable with her driving back. While normally he liked to see her go into her apartment, she joked that she was a Wasabaean too, she knew how to handle herself. Unfortunately, that did have to be a given. She…she did plot to take the exam. And, also, she decided, seeing him going through absolute Hell, that she wanted to be a doctor as well._

_…What would Hamasaki Shin think of that? Would he have told his sister she was crazy like he told Yamada? Would he have actually thought ‘maybe it is possible’? Yamada would never know._

_His Shin though? When Yamada got to the living room, he found his dear son sitting in front of the television with a bowl of cereal._

_Yamada was very much unfamiliar with ‘cereal’. Izumi Craig brought back a bunch of boxes from America and gave them to them. Although he was back from school and even recently married Kira, expecting a son, Craig still got them sent to him and Shin. It was…oddly satisfying? Like, he couldn’t stand the sweet stuff, but there was ‘Cheerios’ and ‘Honey Nut Cheerios’ which was perfect. Shin loved Cinnamon Toast Crunch, a bowl of which he was consuming right now. His almost four year old…_

_God, where had the time gone? His little shriveled raisin was gone. And God, he was so…MANNERABLE. He was pretty sure that was Shin being with Ayame a majority of his life but it made Yamada feel like the world’s most awful person. He actually had to mold himself to be more polite not to undo her good work. It was…hard. Not to say he felt like he was a mean person, he just…wasn’t one to coat his tongue or whatever. And yea, he…he had anger issues, he recognized that._

_…He hadn’t seen Dana since her birthday almost three years ago. He didn’t know if Domo had finally said ‘this is ridiculous’ and beat it out of her or anything that made him want to go to wherever they were, guns blazing. Except, apparently, sometimes she’d slip by here? Usually during the day when he wasn’t here. Shin would tell him ‘Koji and Nerimaru came to play!’. Shin was fond of his brothers…good for him. Yamada…was an awful person but he was working on it._

_“Hey, buddy. What’s up? You could have gotten me up, I’m here to make breakfast today” Yamada questioned._

_Shin looked up from his Saturday morning cartoons, blinking, “Daddy was tired.”_

_Daddy was ALWAYS tired. “Maybe, but that doesn’t mean I’m ever too tired for you.”_

_Shin munched on his cereal, looking up at him with those big blue eyes. No one made fun of his son for the feature, he was pleased to see. Or maybe since it was HIS son they didn’t have the nerve to. Maybe he was a big ol’ softy now because of his kid but his former reputation apparently still preceded him. Good._

_Grabbing himself a bowl of milk and the box of Cheerios, he settled next to his knucklehead. “What are we watching?”  
  
“Little Memole.”  
  
Yamada raised a brow at the cartoon, often perplexed by the nature of anime now. He grew up watching Kimba the White Lion and this stuff was…weird, he supposed. Shin was enthralled though. Smiling, Yamada ruffled his hair before eating a spoonful of cereal. He’d have it no other way. _

_Well, that…wasn’t completely true. It’d be perfect if Dana was here too._

_“…Hey, Shin, I was thinking…maybe you’d like your own room?”  
  
Shin looked to him, puzzled, “My own room?”  
  
“Yea. The landlord likes us so much he offered to give us a two bedroom apartment that daddy can afford. You can decorate it and stuff just like you like. Sesame Street pictures, the whole gig.”  
  
“Yea, daddy!” _

_It had been a strange exchange, the same man that showed them this place pretty much five years ago coming and saying he had a two bedroom on the third floor opening up. Again, no heat but Yamada was definitely used to that now. For two hundred more pieces a month, it was his. While that was two hundred more pieces he could put into savings for his goals, it was a pleasant thought._

_Yamada smiled as Shin hugged him, an affection that took him a long time to realize was normal. He was glad his kid was going to have everything he didn’t. It might take some time but Yamada wasn’t going to throw in the towel or give up just because things got hard. Things would be better._

_He could do this._

He gave up. 

Yagami Yamada awkwardly sat across from Ayabe Suzue, a nurse at the hospital where he worked, in the diner nearby. She was pretty, long silky black hair, dark eyes. She was a ‘gaijin’ too, half-French, half-Japanese. All the males at work thought she was fantastic. And, yea, she…she was. Sort of. 

“Yamada, if you want this relationship to be taken seriously, you need to make concessions.” 

That whole _sentence_ made him want to go pure Wasabean on her, from ‘Yamada’ to ‘concessions’. He had a whole _mouthful_ of profanity and rage trying to murder his tongue that was blocking their bloodthirsty fury. He smiled. That’s what he had to do now: he smiled. A smile clenched his teeth and kept the madness from escaping while he was trying to reformulate the vulgarity into pleasantness. “Suzue, I am…more than willing to make concessions but what you’re asking for is more than a concession. And frankly, it’s a little offensive.” 

She glared hard at him. How…precisely did this happen?  
  
So, on Shin’s fourth birthday, he…gave up. He thought to himself that he couldn’t get Dana out of the situation comfortably and he really hadn’t seen her in three years, things may have just been going differently. Maybe Domo just needed to become a family man to become tolerable. God, he wanted to stab himself for even fathoming that was a possibility. All in all, he was…forced to give up. 

About a week later, ever the chess piece in this table of life, Suzue approached him when he was checking on patients in the ICU per Matsushima’s orders. She asked when he got off and all that and he told her around five in the morning. She was all gravy with that because she did too and suggested they go get breakfast. It felt wrong. It felt so wrong. He said ‘yes’. 

Dana…was the only woman he truly dated. So, yea, he was 23-years-old now, having dated once and now he was trying to date again. And he was dating a person that…was not Dana. And she was _not Dana._ She was the most demanding human being he’d ever met. He must’ve been insane because he had to juggle school, work, having a child, _and dating_. She did _nearly_ the same minus the child and she was _demanding_ he take her out semi-daily. Who had _time_? Medical school was _killing him_! He just got his first C because he had _no idea what was going on_. No, not because he didn’t study or thought he could coast. No, he studied for fifty hours on GI Physiology, came up with a _C_. Not even a ‘wow’ C but a ‘woah, that was close’ C. 

Little Miss Perfect here though, he smiled. Valedictorian level at the other nearby medical school. He actually got in there too but they wanted him to pay an amount of pieces he’d never seen and, even if he had saved every single flat coin from the time he started working at eleven-years old, it would still not be enough. So yea, rich. Demanding. Smart. And the tip of this fuc—this _fantastic_ iceberg? 

“It is _ridiculous_ that you are raising a child! Give him to the mother’s grandfather already!” 

This bitch wanted him to give Shin away. 

Yamada smiled shakily, his jaw ticking. Six months. That is the amount of time they’d been dating somehow. Six months. That was not even a year and, somehow, she was on the comfort level to tell him to get rid of his world. It should have ended the second she was appalled he _had_ a son. ‘How can you have a _child_? A doctor does not have time for distractions like that whatsoever and you made a distraction? Are you crazy?’. That was his _child_ , not a _distraction_. Yea, they go hand in hand but she had literally addressed Shin as an ‘it’ in a conversation. His _baby_ was not an _it_. 

So spoiled, rich, demanding, _smartass_ here saw that Yamada was pressed for time because he was a father and, on top of him going to be a ‘great doctor’, one of her sparse praises, wasting his time being a parent. Shin was taking away from his doctoring thus her answer for him was to send his baby boy away…to his great-grandfather. An idea that Yamada had once had, yes, but it became unthinkable when Shin became a staple in his life. Shin was his _foundation for everything_ now, there was no isolated separate universe where he sent his child away for some broad he started dating SIX MONTHS AGO. 

“Suzue…” Yamada smiled, “I am going to explain this one more time: no. No, I will not be sending my little boy that I have explained to you I love more than anything to live with someone I don’t really even know. In fact, he could be my best friend and I am still not sending him anywhere. This conversation is occurring too much for my taste despite me explaining several times it will simply not occur.” 

Yea, his bulls—t filter was getting to be _fantastic_ too! Suzue looked at him gravely, “Then send him to his mother.”  
  
Ugh. “Suzue, I cannot send him to his mother. I have not seen his mother in four years and I don’t really know what’s even happening in her life right now. It is not reasonable and he has been _my_ baby his whole life.” 

“Yamada, if you want any woman to become serious, how can you expect them to put up with someone else’s child?” 

Oh, he was cracking like an egg on cement. “…He is _my_ child as well as hers. My. Child. I have been there with him from _day one_ and I will not be disappearing from my little boy’s _life_.” 

She stared at him before slowly reaching out and rubbing his arm. Did she get it finally? Was the two dozenth conversation enough? She kissed him and he was…almost assured? 

“Maybe it’s time for you to see a therapist. You’re not thinking clearly.” 

Quite damn _obviously._ He opened his mouth to say he’d rather jump off a bridge into a lake of fire than continue this relationship, he just…happened to look up where a car was waiting at the light. It just so happened to be a limo and he just so happened to see his former wife inside. 

He was frozen. Even from the distance, they were staring directly at each other. Did she…did she see him kiss Suzue? Was…was she upset? Did she think this was over too? What was she thinking? What had he done? What was going on? Why did he feel like he was caught cheating when he hadn’t seen Dana in _three years_? 

The car drove off when the light turned green and he finally breathed. Sort of. It still felt like he was about to have a heart attack and die. Suzue glowered at him, “What?” 

…No. He gave up. “Suzue, this isn’t working. I wanted it to but your expectations for me are far too high. I can’t make the concessions you want and I know there’s some guy that can but it’s not me.” 

She was _furious_ , flying to her feet, “Then you shouldn’t have wasted my time, _Yagami_. You’re just a quitter, that’s all.” 

And damn if she wasn’t right, his now ex-girlfriend leaving in a rage. Alas, he was like…the Darth Vader of quitters. He did all this s—t and was a horrible person that made really poor decisions but at the end of the day he was still a dad. No ‘darkness’ would take that from him. He…felt redeemed. Except his wife basically just watched him kiss another woman. 

He clenched his temples, miserable. No rest for the wicked. Or the trying not to be that wicked but he was just a gigantic pawn. Paying their bill, he weakly wandered around for a while. He’d have liked to go into Wasaba, trek around a bit and catch up with his friends but…well, that was another darkness he’d developed. He couldn’t go back there now. Not after what happened. He…could only tolerate the North as his stepping stone. He…was still a bad person at the end of the day. 

He got home around three in the morning, weary and needing a drink something fierce but he couldn’t keep booze in the house. Shin might try the stuff, the kid was always feeding himself. Trying to watch his mouth and _not_ drinking. What exactly was happening in his life, man? 

“Progress” he muttered to himself, slipping the key into the door. He’d have to apologize to Ayame for all this too. For six months she put up with nearly 24 hour days while he was off playing games with someone he knew he wasn’t interested in. In fact, he was so disinterested, the sex wasn’t even that important to him. That…was his fault. He had wasted her time and he should have come to that conclusion months ago. He just…didn’t want it to be true. He didn’t want to admit that every time they kissed his mind wasn’t with her. When she touched him, he didn’t think of her. Not Suzue. No, it was with… 

When he entered apartment, he inhaled sharply. Oh, hell. “…Dana?” 

He remembered when he first met Dana. She was kind of snooty at the time but he supposed that was because their mutual ‘friend’ was not a good reference for character. Once all that passed, she…she was a young, spritely girl with ambitions she suppressed but he could see the spark in her soul. Dana…motivated him. 

Fast forward to this moment, to this twenty-year-old woman in front of him, and he felt her brokenness. She looked at him so…coldly, a glimmer of nothingness in her dark gaze. That… 

…That was his fault. 

Rubbing his arm awkwardly, he knew _precisely_ where this was going. He’d lost his way, that was all. He could spin up a story so he wouldn’t have to tell her the truth. He…he didn’t want to tell her what happened. 

“Shin and the twins are asleep in his bedroom” she reported after a long moment of silence, “They wore themselves out, playing.” 

“A-Ah, good.” 

“Hamasaki-san made dinner. I thought it’d be rude to make anything else since she had enough for all of us” she continued, walking into the kitchen. 

…Okay. He anxiously followed, not really sure he should follow her anywhere with knives. She made him a plate quietly and set it at the table. Yamada sat, feeling rather dumb for some reason, and ate a couple spoonfuls before realizing he was full. He’d…already eaten. 

Slowly looking up at Dana, indeed he found her staring at him sharply. “What’s the matter? Aren’t you hungry?” 

Oh, hell. “I, uh…” 

“Who is she?” 

Damn it. “It’s-it’s not important, Dana--” 

“It’s not?” she questioned flatly, “It’s not important I just happen to look out of the window of a limo coming back from being paraded around like a prize poodle and see you kissing another woman? Or how I had to _ask_ my ‘husband’ to allow me _one day_ to come check on Shin, take the prerequisite beating, and come back to find you aren’t even home yet? What’d you do? Did you sleep with her? Have you been sleeping with her? Is she around our son?” 

He was gawping speechlessly as she balled her fists, her face never changing from that cold apathy. She was furious though. “I spend every day thinking about getting back to you and Shin and escaping Hell and, coming from another day in purgatory, I just happen to see you with another woman. You don’t want me anymore. You’ve moved on. You’ve abandoned me and you won’t save me.” 

Shit. “Dana--” 

“Do you love her?”  
  
“No!” Yamada blurted, horrified, “No, no, _no_. I-I broke up with her _tonight_. I didn’t-I didn’t go sleep with her or anything, I-I just needed to clear my head a little--” 

“What even made her so special? Why? You’re _cheating_ on me! I still-I still wear your ring and you’re with someone else!” she finally shuddered, her brisk countenance breaking. 

Damn it! “Dana, Dana, l-let me talk a sec, okay?” Yamada insisted, “I-I promise, I love you--”  
  
“Don’t you give me that bullshit!” she almost bellowed, flying to her feet, “You don’t sleep with someone else if you ‘love me’! You _know_ what’s happening in my life and you promised you’d save us! You _can’t_ love me!!” 

Yamada jumped up when Dana seemed to be marching toward Shin’s door, probably about to retrieve the twins. No, not like this. “Dana! Just-Just let me get a word in, _please_.” 

The woman stopped but was shaking with rage and he couldn’t blame her. He had. He had promised her he’d establish himself, that he’d make it so she had a safe place to escape to when the time was right. That was the main reason he’d even continued on this track, there were still days he wondered if it was worth it. However, even…even when he was with Suzue, he felt it was something he had to do for Dana. Yes, he did it for himself but she…she made this possible for him. She motivated him. Just…there was another person he was doing this for. That’s where he fell off the wagon. 

“…Shin’s fourth birthday. I-I had this great little party, I-I got him a cake and some of his neighborhood friends came over. I-I got him an Atari. It…it was great.” 

Dana turned to him, a questioning glare on her face. He…he didn’t even want to talk about this. Was it…seeing the late Shin and over fifty people in a bloody massacre bad? …In a slight way, in a different struggle. He just… 

Swallowing, he shakily rubbed his arm, “Kari, Mina, and the guys called, said…said they had gifts for Shin. I’d…I’d taken the day off and I…I had noticed this car across the street all day but I didn’t think much of it at the time. When I was driving into West Wasaba, I…I noticed they were following me.” 

Dropping his head, he felt so ashamed. Why exactly? His legacy was tarnished, perhaps, but it wasn’t as if he wasn’t severely underpowered in comparison. “They…they jumped out when I parked and-and it…it was a gang of guys. They…they got me with a stun gun. I-I couldn’t move and next thing I know…I-I don’t know if I can ever put it in words, but…but they tied me up and put a towel over my face and…just started pouring water. I-I almost blacked out…” 

This was pathetic. He closed his eyes and slowly lifted the side of his shirt. It was healing nicely and he’d…he’d hope oils would diminish the scarring. He…he knew only time would do that. “They…they told me ‘Kamaishi would only put up with my existence but so much longer’. They…they were going to ‘give me a reminder’ of what my…my status is in life.” 

They’d _started_ cutting into his side while he was being tortured ‘hafu shit’. Or what he presumed they were starting to whittle into his flesh. He supposed Tep, Jum, Roller, and others came looking since he said he’d be right over. Jum actually shot one of them in the knee and they all scattered, only getting done ‘hafu shi’. It was enough. 

Kari stayed with him for a couple days after. It was literally debilitating for that time because it…seemed all mental but he truly felt he was going to die. It was…not good. It was horrendous and he…he hated to say it but his mind at that time wasn’t on Dana. It was on Shin. 

He knew he had plenty of people that would step in and raise his son. Ayame, Souma, Dana’s grandfather. Just…to grow up knowing his father was murdered, just like Shin had. Hamasaki Shin really treated it as if the loss was a mighty inconvenience but it shaped his whole life. He saw his father’s death as some sort of disgrace, of him losing his life for conforming to the purpose of making a living. Yes, Shin could have freeloaded his whole life and that may have been fine but he couldn’t get past the necessity of money to live. He just…couldn’t find a purpose and now he was dead for it. 

He couldn’t have that. He couldn’t have that for his Shin. Yamada knew his son had a steady head on his shoulders. He was only four but he was such a wise child, so honest and pure and smart. He’d probably be just fine but…Yamada wanted to be there for that. He wanted to see his son do great things and give him the support he needed. He… 

“Tep, Jum, Roller, Ole, and Kari came to my rescue…I got scared, Dana. I didn’t want to leave my baby all alone. I didn’t want even the risk and-and, I swear to God, I got scared. So yes, after-after I recovered, I did tell myself I-I couldn’t. I couldn’t run the further risk of being entangled with Kamaishi anymore. I thought if…if I just moved on, we’d be safe.” 

Somehow he couldn’t look at her because it was a flimsy reason. He was always running. She’d always had to redirect him on the path because he was always looking for a way out. Dana would probably scoff and leave him anyway. 

Yamada frowned when her fingers suddenly ran up his side, grazing over the raised welts in his skin describing a condition he lived but had no part in forming. Would it have mattered if he were Japanese? He wondered. Domo must’ve been pissed to have his ‘property’ taken from him by a ‘half-breed’. Not only that, she kept asking to come see him. His beatings weren’t even enough to dissuade her. Would that have changed if he were ‘pure’? 

His eyes widened when Dana suddenly whimpered, quickly recoiling and backing away. Oh no. Yamada quickly turned to her and was dismayed to find her completely in tears. “Dana, baby--” 

“N-No. No, no, yo-you’re _right_. I’m-I’m going to get you killed” she cried. 

“I won’t _let_ him kill me, Dana. I-I just let my guard down, I was so stupid. I-I should know better” he insisted, reaching out to her. 

“How?!” she choked, “Y-You were just going to your home neighborhood to get gifts from your friends for our son’s birthday. How much more innocent can that get and that monster has you jumped?! He was skulking for you all day and when he got the opportunity he tortures you and-and cuts that awful—no!” 

Now starting to get her sons for _another_ reason, Yamada embraced her from behind as she wept. “Dana, I…I thought. I thought if I moved on and put us behind me, I’d save myself. I’d be here for Shin and everything would be perfect. But it could never be because I love you. I never stopped thinking about you when I was with Suzue and it was unfair to her and unfair to you. I made a vow to you and I will keep it because I need you in my life. No matter how much time passes, I need you. I’m sorry I strayed, I’m so sorry. It won’t happen again and I _will_ save you. I will.” 

She rapidly shook her head but he kissed the top of it, sighing. Again, even with thousands of days of absence between them, it felt right. This was the only thing that had ever felt right in his life and no fucking yakuza was going to drown that out of him. 

His jaw tightened when he felt the hardened bruises of her skin. Turning her to face him, he wiped her face solemnly with his sleeve, “…Did you count them? The times he’s hurt you so I can make it up to you?” 

“N-No. Yama--” 

“Dana, hush. You’re worrying about me and I know what I have to do. I’m going to do it. Just…just please have faith in me. I know I broke it but if you can restore it just a little I know I can forge on. I _will_ forge on” he pleaded. 

Dana looked at him weakly. Somehow that hardened expression she’d gained became replaced with guilt. He didn’t need that. She was guilty of none of this. She’d chosen him, she told him ‘I do’ at their wedding, and she had that right. It’d been snatched from her over…nothing. Absolutely _nothing_ and, even if she said she no longer wanted him, she had every right to her own life, her own decisions… _Yagada_. She’d saved him…he had to do the same for her. 

“Yama…” she whispered, kissing him, “I-I should go.” 

“No…just…just a little longer” he asked softly, “Please?”  
  
Like most of these visits, it turned a little more intimate than he would have expected. She…was so thin now. It didn’t make sense and he was enraged that they were starving her. Dana assured she was fine and made the shy joke that there was a bedroom for just them now. Hell yea. 

The few instances he tried to have sex with Suzue reminded him of his more base needs from his adolescence. He was having sex to have sex. The satisfaction was just moderate. He could get that from anyone. That…that had not been, and was not, the case with Dana. She…jeez, how cheesy, she completed everything for him. She…she was always the bridge between his chasms. 

He fell asleep, content, nestled into her back with her wrapped in his arms. It felt perfect and he…he knew what he had to do. Maybe they’d have to leave the country but if that’s what it took, he’d do it. His…his family would be together. Kamaishi Domo would not take that from him. 

…And he would be damned if he gave his life for that bastard either. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_Damn it._

_Dana cried silent tears as she lied in their bed, Yamada’s strong warm arms around her. It was perfect. It was always perfect and would always be perfect._

_She woke up this morning at the same time she was usually forced, put on her yukata, and wandered around as deemed by her mother-in-law. When the mother-in-law disappeared and Domo had had his breakfast, he told her to ‘scram’. Also, as usual. Koji asked that she not go, looking at her sadly. That was, until Domo punched her in the chest, then her little boy told her to flee. Her three year old was protecting her. There…there was no universe where that was acceptable but she did. He might hurt her sons next and from what she’d seen, he didn’t touch them. Just her. That was the only thing that was good and she rushed off to work._

_She didn’t tell Yamada but Kari secretly got her a position with her modeling agency. Like Kaga, she hemmed clothes or reviewed them for defects. It didn’t pay very well but she had money to her name and a way out of that house sometimes. At least, while she waited for Yama._

_So, Domo made her dress when she got home so they could go to another yakuza party. Koji and Nerimaru hadn’t seen her all day, her poor sweeties. She dressed quickly and asked if they would be all right just a little bit longer. Nerimaru assured they’d be fine but Koji was quiet. He perked up a bit when she said Domo and her were going to a party. Just a bit though, her tiny bodyguard questioning if Domo was going to hurt her. She told him ‘no’. It’d most likely be a lie._

_All she heard about was ‘where this deal is going down’ or ‘who they had to knock off recently’. The socialization was stunted, ridiculous, and criminal. Why she’d expect any more than that though, she couldn’t say. She just quietly stood as the trophy piece to be occasionally hooted at and mocked. ‘Didn’t she run off with some hafu for a year? Pitiful. You’re a weird one, Domo, taking her back’._

_Domo’s response was always ‘well, I believe in keeping my property even if someone s—ts on it’._

_Dana wanted to scream. She couldn’t live this much longer. To think it was only four years and it was like she’d spent a lifetime this way. Even if she hadn’t met Yamada, she couldn’t take this. The difference was Yamada gave her a purpose to keep going, the hope that this would change. Otherwise, she’d have just cut her wrists by now._

_Then, on their way home, she just happens to look out the window to see her husband kissing another woman._

_Pain. None of Domo’s physical harm even compared in that moment. It felt like the life was snatched from her and she wanted to stop breathing. It didn’t make sense. Not her Yamada. Anyone else, but not her husband. Not to mention, the whole ‘he found someone else aside’, she…she did feel her impending freedom float away._

_It was necessary. She told Domo if he had to beat her black and blue to do it but she’d have to go see to this immediately. She had to know why he’d do this, why he’d turn from her and their children. Was he replacing her? Was she on her own now?_

_Domo was compliant and she packed up the twins and got driven over. Yamada wasn’t even home despite the fact he saw her. They locked eyes. He must’ve still been with her._

_Shin was happy to see her and for at least a couple minutes she had to keep herself from breaking down just looking into his blue eyes. He gave up. He gave up on her._

_Retching, she hugged her knees to her naked chest and rocked. And rightfully so._

_That…that scummy ass bastard. How could any loving entity have made such a devilish creation? It had to be a lack thereof because no god could have been responsible for such a being. Yamada clearly didn’t want to tell her and out of his own shame. Shame because he had ‘allowed’ himself to be ambushed, literally stunned, tortured, and then in the midst of it have the beginnings of ‘hafu shit’ cut into his side. By her forced husband._

_She looked sadly at the marking that had healed over but it’d probably always be a remnant of it there. Pieces. It wasn’t a tattoo he wanted. It was one he fought his entire life and her…her bastard ‘husband’ thought to have it whittled into her husband’s side. It was all Domo though. All of it. She hadn’t thought anything of it when he remarked that it was Shin’s birthday. All she’d asked was ‘what of it?’ and he remarked so absently ‘nothing, just wondering if your hafu is enjoying it’._

_Her hafu. Not Shin. Yamada._

_Why WOULDN’T he get frightened! Why, he was going to his hometown for presents for their child, and he got assaulted. He couldn’t even fight them, they had the upper hand and they abused him from head to toe! Kari had been off for two days around then for no reason and then she had wanted to say something when she saw her but didn’t. ‘Yamada got ambushed by your husband’. He was probably horrified. He’d been understandably tormented with what happened the day Shin died but to have it happen to himself?_

_Dana inhaled silently, looking at Yamada, his face so peaceful. And she knew that._

_She knew. She knew the day he told her he loved her for the first time that they would hurt him. She knew. She knew and still allowed him to be involved with her. She knew they’d hurt her Yama and they did. They kept hurting him in one way or another. And here she was, dreaming. Dreaming that he’d come in a doctor and prepared to take her from that life. It was more than possible; her husband was going to do it. He rescued their sons with his empathy alone and he was going to be the best damn doctor. She knew it._

_But they’d never stop chasing them._

_Kamaishi Domo was the black thread wrapped around her and Yamada’s red. He was going to engulf them no matter how tight their red thread was. Always. And if something happened to her Yamada because of her, because this was the bastard she was encapsulated with? She may as well die. She’d never forgive herself. She couldn’t. Yamada did nothing to deserve what happened to him and he was right to run. The so-called officials didn’t even look into why nearly seventy people were murdered. Just the idea of him getting killed and having it dismissed as another man in Wasaba…_

_Dana wiped her eyes and gently leaned over, kissing his forehead. She was on her own. Decidedly. She’d make it out of her hell and whatever happened to her, it’d happen to her. Yes, she had her twins to think of but she had escapes for them should she need to implement it. If she ran and she died for it, so be it. Not her Yamada. No._

_She was on her own._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_“I’m leaving Yamada.”_

_Kari scowled, resting in her apartment after a long beach shoot. It was amazing and a lot of fun but she was exhausted. Mina was finishing up a paper for class just as the phone rang. It was Dana._

_From the sounds of it, she was on a payphone, cars and people chattering outside. Kari was more bewildered by what she was saying. “Dana, I should have told you about ‘Suzue’ but it didn’t take a genius to know that was bogue. Yamada still talked about you all the time in one way or another, he wasn’t even thinking about her.”_

_“That’s not what I’m talking about and you know it.”_

_… “So he told you.”_

_It was…astonishing. All the things they saw in Wasaba and she could truly say that was a shocking amount of violence to her. She was visiting Ole and the guys when Tep just happened to say ‘let’s go meet Yamada on the street’. If he hadn’t, God knows what would have happened. It just…why?_

_Yamada was shaken. He didn’t speak or eat for two days straight. Shin was distraught and everything was in shambles. Yes, he got a scared. But he’d come back for Dana._

_“I won’t let him be killed for me, Kari. I just won’t. I told him that before and I mean it. Not him. Not my Yama.”_

_“Dana” Kari started, exasperated, “It’ll kill him if you gave up on him. You’re his motivation, one of the reasons he keeps going. Shin is the other but that is your son. You are the source of his drive and you know that.”_

_“…At what costs? When does it become his motivation destroys him?”_

_Kari gaped, a bit speechless. “I only have a minute left, Kari. I left him a letter and my wedding ring. I am going to get out of this on my own and that’s a fact. But Yamada will be safe and I will be damned if I let him get hurt again like this. Just…just watch out for him, please? I wrote him a letter but…please. Just…just let him know I do love him if he thinks someone doesn’t care. He always thought that but I do. That’s…that’s why I…I can’t.”_

_“Dana--”_

_“Good bye.”_

_Kari grunted as the phone hung up, dropping hers back on the receiver and standing. Mina looked up with a marked frown as she headed for the door. “What’s up?”_

_“Dana left Yamada. Gave his ring back and everything. I need to go check on him.”_

_“Oh s—t.”_

_Mina jumped up to come with her. Kari could only expect the worst. Had Yamada not been through enough? Getting kicked out by his mother, losing Shin, seeing that carnage, losing his wife the first time, having this awful thing happen to him for no damn reason…he had been through enough. And for Dana just to give up on him like this? No, it wasn’t giving up, it wasn’t unwarranted, but she was his motivation. The idea of them being a family kept him going._

_When Kari entered the apartment, she took a deep breath and looked to Mina. It…wasn’t like they’d expect Yamada to be in despair or…self-harming. Just…_

_He’d been through too much._

_She started to knock but was mortified, in Wasaba of all places, that the door was ajar. Very much not a good sign._

_However, stretched out on the couch casually, was Yagami Yamada. He was lying on his back with his legs crossed, staring at something in his hand. What? Kari glowered as she got closer, “Y’know, I think we came up on the same side of the tracks and know we don’t just leave the door wide open.”_

_“Hmm? Oh, hey” he greeted simply, “No, Shin ran next door to our neighbor to borrow some milk for his cereal. He’ll be right back.”_

_Oh. “Are…are you okay?” Mina questioned slowly, getting closer._

_“I’m fine. Why?”_

_He’s ‘fine’? Had he really given up on her?! Kari opened her mouth to question his apathy before pausing, noting he was holding Dana’s ring. “…She gave you your ring back, Yamada.”_

_“Hmm…? Well, that’s natural, isn’t it?”_

_Why was he accepting this?! Was he actually happy Dana dismissed herself from his life? Had EVERYONE misunderstood this relationship? This was the KEY example of a relationship for a lot of people now. Yes, it had misgivings and a whole lot of ups and downs but it represented respect, love, and an intimacy not found anywhere in Wasaba. Not even their own parent’s gave their generation this sort of suggestion. Yamada wasn’t a celebrity, no, but those around them, those that grew up with them, acquaintances, they heard about Dana and Yamada and it made them think. Was that just a farce?_

_Yamada opened his eyes partially, the blue vessels previously closed. “She’d have to take it off so I can put it back on her again when the time is right.”_

_Kari and Mina’s eyes widened as Yamada sat up, crossing his fingers. “I understood Dana would take it badly. I knew she’d either think I was full of crap or blame herself and think it was her fault. The wife I understand has done the latter. It’s not, not one bit. I figured she’d try to fight this battle on her own but I was asked to accompany her. And I want to. I will. Whatever it is she’s thinking right now, if it helps her keep going, let her. But I’m still working in the background and she will have the opportunity to be Yagami or whoever Dana again if she wants to. The mission doesn’t change.”_

_…Yes. He smiled and thanked them for coming by before admonishing that she looked tired and he knew Mina had papers coming out of every direction to finish before her final semester. They just dully walked out before Kari took a deep breath. Okay. Everything…everything was good. It just seemed extremely splintered._

_Exactly…what would bring them together safely?_

R4 year. His research year for neurosurgery _and_ cardiology. Matsushima, as pressed as he was to say it, was right: he was nuts to think he could do this easily. He was just in the research period too. ‘Just’. It was everything he wasn’t _that_ interested in. Learning to write grants and keep learning and bioethics. He was glad he had an inside allowing him still to work in the hospital and gain experience toward his R5 year. He didn’t have time to be sitting stagnant. 

Yamada smiled some as he walked through, some of the younger students greeting him shyly. In some…plot twist, he was an almost senior. While he could tell there were still some with incredible biases and prejudices, his credibility had gone up tremendously in the last close to five years. 

About a month ago, he assisted in his first surgery. It was an emergency situation, the patient needed immediate surgery for an aortic aneurysm. Yamada ended up in a group that was often quite haughty and confident about their skills. Confidence was important but there was an unacceptable level and they were at it. Yamada felt he had to be humble, given his circumstances. 

So, placed in this situation, they all stepped up to the plate until they realized _everything_ that could go wrong. Perioperative mortality. It was huge in this surgery, patients often dying two weeks _after._ Then there was the possible renal failure, spinal cord ischemia, infection, and hemorrhaging. When Matsushima demanded a volunteer, they all froze. And…not to be their kind of haughty but he was the one to step up. 

It was precision, the thing he gained working as a mechanic and various other jobs. It was patience, something he gained from being a single father. It was nerves. He gained that watching his best friend and dozens of people die. 

There was no universe where he could ever panic like he did that day again. He could not mentally do it either. He felt relaxed and steadfast, knowing this person’s chances at life depended on him. He understood there were things he could not change and if this person didn’t make it, he’d be upset…but he tried. He would not allow himself to be able to say he didn’t try ever again. 

Matsushima, in an extremely disturbing move, invited him to get a beer after his accomplishment. Yamada awkwardly accepted and the man took him to a bar. “ _Yagami, I think you’ll be master of your craft. There’s just one thing holding you back.”  
  
“Oh?”  
  
“Your lack of faith.”  
  
_ His lack of faith? “... _Well, I have faith in my abilities, Matsushima. I know I can do it.”  
  
“Are you a hundred percent certain you can do it?”  
  
“Well…no. I’m not God, I can’t just put things back together the way they used to. I need to accept my limits.” _

_“Incorrect!” Matsushima scoffed._

How? _“If you tell your patient you’re going to put them back to ninety percent capacity, they’d want to know where that other ten percent went. You are not ‘wrong’, Yagami, there are shortcomings to our potential. But as doctors that will be at the forefront to treatments and possibilities, we need to get past ‘limits’ and look to a future where we return each individual to at least 99 percent.”_

Interesting. _“Is that logical?”  
  
“It’ll have to be, won’t it? You see cancer rates going down any time soon? The HIV and AIDS epidemic right now that you mentioned you saw years ago in a patient working with Bryant? We can’t just accept what we’re able to do and we need to have faith that when we’re working on these people we’re working them to get back to a hundred percent. It is good to be humble, Yagami, but when you do those surgeries, not only do you need to be confident you can do it but that you’re getting this person’s life back.” _

…The guy ultimately didn’t make it, the one he did the surgery on. It wasn’t anything to do with what he had done, just one of the several potential outcomes that could have come from it. He was…depressed at first but Matushima told him to ‘shake it off’ and ‘get it right for the next patient’. Ah…yes. He…started studying research too. He guessed at the end of the day a part of this was his dream. He wanted to make the world a better place for his son. And Dana. 

“Yagami, come with me.”  
  
Yamada groaned, Matsushima coming up from behind and pretty much redirecting his path. Souma and Dr. Hardy told him with pride that he’d managed to even get Matsushima to like him. It seemed more of a pain that way. 

“I hate to take one of my credible doctors off the floor but unfortunately you’re the one with the best English” he said gravely, walking quickly. 

Nice, he’d advanced to ‘credible’. English though? “Oh, we have a foreign patient?”  
  
“No, a foreign visitor. He donates large amounts of money to our hospitals around the area and we need as much research funding as we can get. You’ll just take him around, show him what we’re doing. You know.”  
  
Great. Schmoozing. Already aggravated, Yamada just nodded drolly and followed. He had _so much else_ he could be doing too. Why, just some random dignitary— 

“James, hello!” Matsushima greeted. 

… _No way in Hell._

Yamada felt the warmth seep out of his body as Matsushima greeted none other than his father, Jonathan James. 

The American turned to him, wearing a blue suit, his blond hair smoothed back. Considering Yamada was going on 24 and the man was 27 when he came over, he…aged very well. He didn’t look anywhere close to 51. But _holy crap,_ it was his father. 

It was a moment he thought and daydreamed about his whole life. This mysterious being was always gruff and grumpy like his friend’s that had fathers were in his imagination. He’d say something snide and brusque and be incredibly rude. Yamada had no faith in the universe making a nice human being his father. Especially seeing as the guy was with his sixteen year old mom at the time. 

“Matsushima! You’re looking well!” 

…What? Matsushima shook Jonathan’s hand, “I do well for myself, unlike your people with your over indulgence in sweets and fats.” 

“Ha-a-a, don’t I know it?” Jonathan said gravely, patting his stomach, “The missus said I could stand to lose a few pounds.” 

Matsushima raised a brow, “I was going to say ‘unlike you who could stand to put some on’. You’re too tall to be concerned about your weight.” 

“Ha! You flatter me! So who do we have here? An exchange student?” he smiled in Yamada’s direction. 

Holy _crap_. “No, this is Ya--” 

“Yamada!!” Yamada blurted. 

Matsushima’s eyes widened, either about his sudden outburst or having this guy call him by his first name. He didn’t need to know that. Yamada smiled quickly and shook his hand, nervous as all get out. “H-Hello, my name is Yamada. I’m currently in Matsushima’s tutelage.” 

“Well, hello! Nice to meet you, Yamada. And you’re not an exchange student?”  
  
“N-No sir, Japanese born and raised, haha…” 

Jonathan nodded, “Well, I’m glad you’ll be showing me around then, Yamada-san. Matsushima, I assume you’re going to ‘see to some things’ then we’ll get a beer later?”  
  
“Oh, absolutely. But, um, if you don’t mind, let me speak to my student here for a moment.” 

Jeez. Yamada smiled awkwardly and walked away with Matsushima. The man stared at him wordlessly once they were far enough away before remarking: “Please tell me that’s not your father.” 

“…That’s my father.” 

“Oh…my God.” 

“P-Please” Yamada whispered, “We don’t have to tell him. I can be perfectly normal. Yamada _is_ a last name but I _know_ if I tell him ‘Yagami’, he’ll figure it out. It’s not a very common last name right now.” 

Matsushima pinched the bridge of his nose, just shaking his head. “…I can assign someone else, Yagami, but I’ve already introduced you.” 

“N-No need. I’ve got this.” 

So he said crazily. Matsushima gave him a look of disbelief as he walked back to…Jonathan. It was actually pretty ironic that merely because of his own perceptions he rather sarcastically called this man ‘father’ in his thoughts and conversations. Now, placed in the presence of this person he’d never met, he…was more used to him as ‘father’ than ‘Jonathan’. 

It went crazy smooth. He showed Jonathan their new units and described some of their studies. He asked curiously if they’d been doing any research for the HIV outbreak. “We have been looking into it. We have had a number of recorded accounts now. It’s quite concerning.” 

“Yes, I have my concerns about it too after I heard something from a colleague but I don’t have any actual evidence to present to Japan to prove it yet…” Jonathan murmured almost to himself. 

Uh…that didn’t sound good. “It is still largely unheard of, sir. We don’t have particularly good sexual education and additionally it gets viewed as a ‘gaijin’ disease, if you will. I think it will take some time for it to be accepted as an issue.” 

“Oh, believe me, Yamada-san, it’s facing that in America too” he sighed heavily, “I’ve been pushing along with other advocates but American politics can be very dismissive.” 

Yamada nodded slowly, “So…you’re…you’re a politician?” 

“I used to work for the senate in my youth but, let me tell you, _nothing_ gets done on my side of the map there and I saw that by the time I was thirty. I decided to be a social advocate instead. Run _actual_ charities and champion _actual_ issues because kissing a poor person’s baby doesn’t change anything.” 

So precisely how did his mother attract Souma and, apparently, his father? Like, the both of them _had_ to be faking their niceness to have even slightly thought well enough of his mother to pursue _anything_. Of course, his stupid friends were often the first to say his mom was still one of the ‘hottest women’ in Wasaba. Disturbing, really.  
  
“Have you ever been to America, Yamada-san? I feel like you’d really fit right in, no offense” Jonathan questioned. 

Oh. “U-Uh, once. My friend Izumi Craig took me to a concert there, it was quite exciting.” 

“The Izumi’s! My sister went to college with his mother. Such a nice family.” 

…He hadn’t thought about aunts and uncles. “Yes, they are. Craig’s been a very good friend. Just had his first child.” 

“So young though to have children” Jonathan murmured as they walked toward the lobby, “Mind, I had my daughter when I was twenty and I don’t regret a minute of it but…well, I guess I would have liked to have explored my own freedom more.” 

Yea, his ‘exploration’ was standing here talking to him. Jonathan blinked at him, “You’re a young man too. You have children?”  
  
“A-Ah, yes, my son, Shin. He’s going to be five soon, it’s so…surreal. It was just yesterday he was my baby.” 

Bleh, that sounded weird. It wasn’t weird to _him_ but it just…wasn’t widely accepted to be that affectionate as the father. “I-I raised him mostly by myself. I-I had to _try_ to be his mother and father. And he’s my baby, I feel.” 

“But of course! A father ought to feel close to his son!” 

…Yea. Of course, the man looked perplexed. He was probably about to question where Dana was and Yamada wasn’t prepared to give a good answer for that. To this day, he couldn’t find a logical way to explain that circumstance because it was pure insanity, after all. He really didn’t want to explain. 

“Yagami, Nurse Okawa is looking for you.” 

Yamada stiffened, his heart immediately racing as his lovely ex-girlfriend stalked by, glowering at him. No. _No_. They were _almost done_. Smiling tightly at her, unable to help it, he remarked briskly “… _Thank you._ ” 

She sniffed and he tried to calm himself down. That was 24 years ago, this man probably forgot totally about his little fling. He was overthinking it, he was. Yep. 

Looking to Jonathan, he found that the man looked…shocked. Oh, hell, who would forget someone as crazy as his mother, especially as a sixteen year old? 

“…Yagami? I thought your last name was Yamada.” 

There was no way out of this. Yamada was questionable as a first name but Yagami sure as hell wasn’t his first name. Aggravated, he rubbed his temple. “Yamada is my first name. I…I thought it’d be easier.” 

It could have been a million and a half reasons for that though. Niceties. He was being friendly. Or he just wanted to keep it simple. There…were potential reasons. 

“…What’s your mother’s name?”  
  
Damn it. “Si-Sir?”  
  
“Your mother…what’s her name?”  
  
Technically he could question how that was relevant to this visit. Toss it off, make it invalid. However, he knew that look in Jonathan’s eyes. It was probably similar to how he felt when he found out Dana was pregnant with his child and about to run away. It was…a dreadful feeling that somehow you made someone else’s life complicated. He could lie. He didn’t have to know… 

…But, just like if Dana didn’t call him for Shin, he’d have a five-year-old son now and no idea. Damn it. 

“…Atsuko. Yagami Atsuko.”  
  
Jonathan went dead silent and Yamada bit his lip, “…Please, sir, I-I just ask that you don’t let this affect your opinion of the hospital--” 

“No, no, of…of course not” he murmured softly. 

The man that fathered him looked away after a moment before clearing his throat. “Tell Matsushima for me that I’ll catch up on that beer with him before I leave. I, uh…I need to go lie down for a while.”  
  
“Y-Yes, sir.” 

…He really wasn’t sure what to say. ‘Yes, hi, I’m your love child my mother never bothered to tell you about’. Not to mention, Yamada was quite aware this man was his father and never thought to reach out to him. It…it just wasn’t his right though, he felt. Yes, it was his father but… 

Man. Yamada went about the rest of his shift in a daze. Matsushima demanded to know what happened when he gave Jonathan’s message. “…Ayabe called me by ‘Yagami’ and the gig was up.” 

“Well, damn. Should have saw that coming” Matsushima droned. 

Honestly speaking, _anyone_ would have called him Yagami if they were looking for him. It was lucky he flew under the radar that long. “He promised it wouldn’t affect his donation…” 

“What?” scoffed Matsushima, “It ought to make him donate _more_.” 

Really though? Yamada groaned as he wearily went home around seven, wondering if perhaps he should see if he could locate Jonathan’s hotel room, call, and ask if he was okay. He…he didn’t want him to feel guilty about this. Yes, yes, his father was _cheating_ but it was Yamada’s mother that made the conscious decision not to locate and tell him. He probably felt terrible about what he’d done and wanted to forget it. Yamada felt the very same about Suzue. Just Suzue wasn’t pregnant with his kid…  
  
_“I…I called because I wonder about your father. I know you think he’d be an awful person but I wonder if maybe he might have liked to know you exist, that he has a wonderful son”_

Dana said that. He…he wasn’t bad. Not from the moments they’d spent together. He was kind of a charismatic cheerful type of man and the villain Yamada spun to make himself feel better…? Well, he wished that was this guy. And it still _could_ be. That very well could have been him putting up appearances, after all. 

Going home to his apartment, a little heavy-hearted about the day, he slid his key into the door and sighed out ‘tadaima’. 

“Oh look, he’s acting like one of those goody two-shoe type people now too.”  
  
Yamada almost jumped out of his _skin_. His jaw almost to the floor, he stared into his apartment to find not only Souma sitting there but his mother _and biological father_. What in the living hell was _happening_?! 

“W-What is—what’s going _ON?”_ he demanded, rapidly looking around, “Where’s my son?!” 

“Don’t worry, Ayame took him out to get him some ice cream. Um, James-san gave them some money” Souma explained, smiling weirdly. 

Oh, hey, he was already grandpa! What the hell?! His mother, whom he hadn’t seen in pretty much five years now, blinked at him absently. “…Why are you in scrubs again?”  
  
Yamada leered, “Because, despite your supreme lack of faith, I _am_ working at a hospital in my residency.”  
  
“Something I’ve told you a million times” Souma sulked. 

“Huh. Go figure.” 

Yep…his mother made Matsushima look like an absolute sweetheart. He needed to go hug the man now or something. Jonathan cleared his throat. Oh. “I…I tried to go sleep this off, Yamada. I…I mean, I thought that by this point there was no reason for me to even…think about these implications. It’s a quarter of a century of time we’re talking about here.” 

“Yes, sir, I-I more than understand that” Yamada insisted. 

“Well, easier said than done” he muttered, “I couldn’t. So, I went and managed to track down your mother and we had a…long discussion. I’m still rather appalled she didn’t…know where you live.” 

Yamada smiled tightly at her, “Oh, you didn’t tell him about that falling out we had over your grandchild? Or how you kicked me and my pregnant girlfriend out on the street and that I was ‘dead to you’?” 

“I never said you couldn’t come home, ya’ stupid bastard” his mother said dully. 

“Um, haha, my _ass_?”  
  
Souma groaned heavily, “P-Please excuse the…strange nature of their conversation, James-san. I…don’t know what went wrong in this mother-son relationship.” 

Him being born was probably the start. Jonathan nodded slowly, “Well…Atsuko was a little…strange. I…I was expressing I would have never imagined she’d have gotten pregnant during our…indiscretion.” 

“You ride bareback, what do you _expect_?” Atsuko said bluntly. 

Ugh. Ugh, the images. Jonathan leered a bit at her, “Well, _yes_ , but it wasn’t…okay, look, there were many instances in a short spans of time but not enough for me to have…impregnated you, I felt. I didn’t imagine I was quite that virile.” 

“So you don’t think he’s yours?”  
  
“I am not saying that, Atsuko” Jonathan mumbled, “…I don’t _get it_. I don’t get how you didn’t even send me a _letter_. Your mother and father kicked you out when you were just sixteen, seventeen years old, and you were pregnant with my child—I don’t understand. I-I would have supported you! I am as much a part of his creation as you! And-and you didn’t have to struggle or anything, I could have provided.” 

“Oh yes, ha, ‘dear Mr. Politician-man that didn’t use his real name and I didn’t find that out until I saw your name in the paper wandering the streets, I know we were just fooling around but, hey, now I’m pregnant. Send me money and keep it secret from your wife, please’” Atsuko intoned sarcastically. 

…Well, that was…quite true. Also, what if his wife just happened to find that? Jonathan squeezed his temples, silent for some moments. “…I don’t know, Atsuko. Perhaps you’re right. Maggie isn’t known for being understanding and…and that would not have gone over well, no.” 

“You don’t say?” Atsuko snorted, “So yes, me, your two week mistress, and your bastard son struggled to eat and have a roof over our head for a little over a decade. He _somewhat_ helped when he got a job after dropping out of school at eleven to work then when he was a bit older he was quite helpful. Then his little rich princess shows up, tells him to become a doctor—as does my boyfriend over here—and he decides to go for it, knocks her up in a similar fashion to how _you did me_ and now he’s a single father. Is that the life story you wanted?” 

Yamada glared a bit at her, not sure how he _liked_ her version of events. Jonathan looked irritated too. “…You know, I understand you’re angry at me but I don’t understand how you’re sitting here and calling him a ‘bastard’ right in front of him. I mean, what’s wrong with you?” 

…Hell, Yamada had stopped noticing a long time ago. She _did_ address him as ‘bastard’ a lot. ‘Her bastard’ if she was feeling acerbic or affectionate, depending. Atsuko didn’t say anything though. Jonathan apparently didn’t accept that. “Well? Do you have a _reason_? He is your son, right? I don’t know what went on between you two in the latter years but there has to be _some_ reason you kept him. Why ‘bastard’?” 

“I have no reason to tell you that” Atsuko said shortly, reaching into her pocket…for cigarettes. 

“This is going to strike you as odd and one of my ‘goody two shoes’ gained habits but, please, smoke in the hallway” Yamada requested, his eyes narrowing. 

“Whatever.” 

She stalked out, closing the door behind her. Oi, these five years were like a vacation from at least _her_ insanity, he realized. Souma cleared his throat, “I-I probably shouldn’t be the one to say this but…she told me ‘why’ in a drunken stupor once.” 

This should be good. “Why then, Souma?”  
  
“…Well, I…It’s not a good reason. There really couldn’t be a good reason. However, she confessed to me that she thought you were a beautiful child and she was quite pleased with you.” 

When the hell was this? “I think she was just drunk, Souma” Yamada shook his head, standing, “Anyone want tea?”  
  
“No, no, Yamada, please, she was perfectly sincere. She said you were the prettiest baby she’d ever seen and I…I do believe it hurt her when those around her started to call you ‘bastard’ and all the things you’ve told me they called you. She…she didn’t want that.” 

Souma and his idealism. “Souma, my mother let me get called _everything_. Everything. She never defended me, she never did anything, and, just as pointed out, she _calls_ me ‘bastard’. There’s no fluffy love here, man.” 

“…She was a sixteen year old girl, Yamada.” 

… 

…Shit. 

Yamada paused pouring water into the kettle, slowly looking up. It…it still didn’t make it acceptable or right. His mother was a terror and nobody screwed with her. Just…why? They both had the unofficial honor of fighting off a yakuza gang single-handedly. His mother had to get to that level and while all of his friends were tough business, that was not the norm. How much…did she have to fight? And how much did she want to fight hearing someone tell her her son was a ‘bastard’? Maybe in the beginning she did want to but she was all alone. It was just her and a baby for five years then it was her and a child until he was ten and fighting his own battles. And in this particularly sexist society at that…? 

“Shit” Yamada muttered, continuing his task miserably. 

“With all due respect, Bryant-san, I can only imagine her torment and what she went through. Only imagine and it wouldn’t even be close, I’m certain. But I don’t think it justifiably gives her any reason to continue their vitriol or, from what I’m hearing, completely shun and abandon her son in a similar fashion to what her parents did” Jonathan countered lightly. 

Yea, there was that too. Fine, couldn’t fight everyone that called him a bastard but suddenly it becomes her pet name for him. Little bit of a downward slide. Souma grimaced and nodded lightly, “I…can’t disagree there.” 

“Yamada—may I call you Yamada?” Jonathan asked softly. 

What? “U-Uh, of course. I’m not a stickler for formalities” Yamada assured shyly, bringing the tea over. 

“Is there anything you need? I-I’m late in the game, I can’t provide anything like fatherly advice, especially since you’re already a very good father—your boy, Shin, he’s just the nicest child I’ve ever met, really. I-I don’t want to even start off with money because then it sounds like I’m trying to buy away my lack of presence but…but anything, please.” 

… “…I appreciate that, sir. It’s just I…I’m okay. I know I live in the bad part of town but I’m okay, I’m working to change that and I’d…I’d feel bad if you felt pressured to do anything for me. I…I guess I turned out okay.” 

Jonathan gawked, “You ‘turned out’ fine, Yamada! I’m not-I’m not trying to make it seem that way at all. Bryant-san here has been telling me all about… _everything_ and you are a smart and hardworking young man. I-I don’t know you but I’m proud. I mean, my children I raised don’t have that sort of tenacity and I think it’s marvelous. The…the thing is, did you have a choice?” 

…Yamada smiled. “Yea. I could have been a drug dealer or a thief.” 

“No offense to either of those career paths but I _think_ you’re going in the more legal one.” 

He couldn’t help snicker, “I’d say so myself.” 

Souma took a sip of his tea before drawling, “What about Dana, Yamada?” 

…Oh. Jonathan frowned, “Dana?”  
  
“That’s…that’s my wife. Was my wife” Yamada murmured. 

He gave a short rundown. Jonathan looked…stunned. “That’s…that’s rough, so—Yamada.” 

Mm. Jonathan rubbed his chin and seemed to be thinking very deeply. However, Yamada did not want the man involved in that section of his life. If he flexed power, he was dealing with the international affairs of the yakuza. Who knows where their outreach went? He’d…he’d be pretty upset if something happened to the man or his family just because he tried to help. “It’s okay. I don’t need help on that.” 

Souma gave him a look as Jonathan seemed to be thinking. “…To be perfectly honest, I would like to help on that but it’s difficult for me to overstep my boundaries, especially without any political pull. I have the money but the yakuza probably wouldn’t care very much about that in regards to a leader’s wife. Plus, that makes her sound like property.” 

God, yes. “I’m glad you understand, sir. And I agree completely.” 

“Isn’t it easy for us to say that on this side?” Souma challenged, “It’s Dana that’s over there with them.” 

Also true… Jonathan didn’t seem convinced, leaning back. “These aren’t the most practical of people we’re dealing with, from what I’m hearing. And it’s apparently not only Dana there?”  
  
…No. Souma sighed deeply again, “…Yes, caution needs to be taken.” 

Yamada nodded emphatically before taking a deep breath, “Frankly, sir, I…I want to do this for her. I want to get everything right. I want to remove her from that situation, I want to get her a home, I want to do it on my own two feet. But I’m…I’m really touched you want to help. I…I tell Souma all the time he’s the father I never had and you have a very similar nature. I kind of…always imagined you badly to make myself feel better, I suppose.” 

“I don’t really blame you…” Jonathan admitted, thumbing his fingers, “And I understand. The James are self-made people too, it’s not easy to just accept outside help.” 

“Furniture. A trust fund.” 

Yamada raised a brow as his mother reentered the room, taking a seat beside Souma. “If he’s too bullheaded to accept help, I’d just say furniture for this mystical house or a trust fund for his child should something happen to him, f—king with the yakuza for his princess and all.” 

He sulked at her. Though, ultimately, she wasn’t wrong. “I…I do suppose it’d be nice to have a furnished house when the time comes. But not the trust fund. No yakuza will end my life.” 

Jonathan groaned, burying his face in his hands, “‘Hi, child I didn’t know I have. Is there anything I can do for my absence?’, ‘Why yes, a couch would be good for those 24 years you were MIA’. I mean, if that’s what you want, absolutely, but I just…I don’t know. It’s not about me but that you’re not busting me open is breaking my heart.” 

Somehow he had to laugh at that, “I’m not that type of person. I…guess I have my mother to thank for that?”  
  
“Don’t blame that foolishness on me. I’d have a mansion and yacht by now” she droned. 

Yea, yea. Jonathan smiled some, his blue eyes still sad. No, there wasn’t really anything to be sad about. This had been a very pleasant exchange and he…he knew that this wasn’t someone he would be talking to a lot or even seeing, but…he was glad that person he imagined once telling him to look to his own child was the more legitimate version. He supposed that’s what he was feeling, that he’d not been able to look to one of his children. Kind of hard to when you don’t know he exists but what have it. 

“If you need anything, just let me know” Jonathan insisted, “Anything. I mean it.” 

It…motivated him more to know more people were in his corner. He didn’t know what time would bring or what he’d have to do. He’d take it all on like he always had. 

…No matter what. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_“Um, Yamada, there is something I wanted to tell you as well.”_

_Souma Bryant watched as Jonathan and Yamada’s mother got into a little bit of an argument. Yamada guessed the man was still upset. Yamada...Yamada felt better though._

_He looked to Souma who wandered to him in the kitchen, twiddling his thumbs. “U-Um, well...I know this is a poor time, that I should stay here to support you where need be.”_

_“What?” Yamada frowned, “Souma, you have been there for me this whole time. I...I met my father today but you’ve been the one that really stepped into that role for me. But don’t think I want you to just forego everything to be ‘there for me’. I want you to pursue things as well.”  
  
“I...I suppose.”  
  
Souma took a deep breath. “Your mother and I are going to start traveling.”  
  
What? Yamada stared at him as Souma flustered, “We’re...we’re going to start in the regions of Japan we’ve never been and move on up to the next continent and make our way around. I want to explore each nation’s medicine. She...she agreed to come with me on the ride.” _

_That’s… “That’s...pretty insane, Souma. How long will that take?”_

_“That’s my problem, Yamada: I don’t know. And I may be inaccessible for that time. I told Atsuko about it and she said I should do it now since Chihiro, my brother, is willing to come and supervise the clinic. I...I just…”_

_All around the world. That was… “...You should, Souma. That’s what you wanted to do when you were younger, right? Do it.”  
  
Souma dropped his head back, seeming exasperated. “A lot can go wrong, Yamada--” _

_“You raised me right” Yamada joked somewhat, “I’m a credible guy, if something goes down, I’ll use everything I’ve been taught to get through it. Can’t baby a doctor, right?”  
  
“No, I reckon I can’t be looking over your shoulder while you’re doing open heart surgery” Souma chuckled before giving him a hug, “...I’m proud of you. I’ll never have a child but I...I’m glad I got the opportunity to see you grow.” _

_...When Yamada was growing up, he didn’t understand the concept of ‘father’. He saw his friend’s fathers and they weren’t...great people. They were there but he thought he wasn’t missing out._

_And...he did okay without one. Just, when Jonathan gave him his number to call if he needed anything and Souma fretted more than his natural born mother did about leaving him to fend for himself, he felt it...it was a bond he was lucky to have found._

_A good father...he could hope he could be that to his son. And...if Dana and he had anymore._

_And his stepsons._

Yagami Yamada had many memorable days. The day he met his wife, the day he got fired from the mechanic, the day he got hired with Souma, when he took his exam, his wedding, when he held his son for the first time. So many. 

But not one of those days ever reached the magnitude of this day. 

He had just turned 25. It was November. November 28 th, 1985. He was working a day shift because his research was over for the week. School was increasingly difficult for the practical portion but time wise, well…it was difficult but it wasn’t trying to jam four classes into a five hour period anymore. 

“Yagami-san? Can you check on a patient in room 9?” requested the same nurse that guided Matsushima and him to Dana that day. 

“Of course” he agreed, taking the file from her. 

He wasn’t sure when exactly it occurred but less and less did he get suspicious looks or question. At least four or five other people made him their primary point of contact. Somehow he thought Matsushima would be jealous but he scoffed. “ _Jealous of you taking people off my hands that bother the living hell out of me? Don’t be crazy, Yagami.”_

Yamada rather liked it. He liked being sort of the resident informative one or one to bounce ideas off of. He…he enjoyed his work. Dana was right, as usual. 

After he checked on the patient, the man recovering from a ruptured appendix, he started toward the lobby to take a breather. He hadn’t stopped running since about five this morning. Shin was in kindergarten now and that threw a serious wrench in his day. He got up and drove the little guy to Subami Primary. Subami…he couldn’t go to Wasaba. 

He should be able to get him but if anything came up he might have to get Ayame. She was in school now so it was a little harder for her to just be there all day…not to mention a few other awkward things he didn’t really want to linger on. 

“Yagami.” 

Frowning, he looked up when Suzue appeared with a raised brow. Surprisingly, the woman decided to go into pediatrics, a decision that he was still confused by. While he didn’t think a pediatrician should want to have children, he wasn’t sure she even _liked_ children after their whole predicament. She assured him that she preferred treating children to start them on a healthy lifestyle early. She just didn’t think he or she could balance being a doctor and a parent. Fair enough, he guessed. She was entitled to her opinion. When they came to that agreement, they became less stunted and callous. 

“What’s going on, Ayabe?” he greeted. 

Her brows were furrowed tightly as she stared at him, “I thought you only had one child. Shin.” 

“Yea…I do. Why?” 

“I mean…do you have some closely resembling relatives then?” she questioned, looking over her shoulder, “There’s a kid in the lobby with a wagon that looks just like you.” 

Huh? “Oh, are they with a parent?”  
  
“…Actually, I did not see them come in with anyone” she frowned. 

Um, strange. “I’ll go check it out then. Come back in a few, maybe they came voluntarily for a checkup” he joked. 

She made a face but nodded. Yamada walked into the lobby, figuring he’d notice the kids with a wagon right off. He stared, shocked, when he saw who it was… 

…It was Nerimaru, he was certain. He was sitting in a chair, apparently speaking to the blanket over the wagon. What? Why…why was he walking around by himself? Yamada slowly got closer, a little wary. He hadn’t seen the child since…well, he was a baby. Dana still snuck over and saw Shin from time to time when he wasn’t there. 

As he approached, it…did disturb him to see that Nerimaru…looked very much like Shin. Very much. Just brown eyes and his hair was a bit lighter. But, well, they were still their mother’s children… 

Except…it was…the little things he saw in Shin that he saw in himself that the boy shared too. His face, his ears… but that was insane. Just a coincidence. He smiled when Nerimaru noticed him, blinking at him absently. “U-Um, hello there. Do you…do you remember me?” 

“You’re Shin’s papa.” 

…Yea. “Yes.” 

Nerimaru stared at him and Yamada was preparing to ask where… _anyone_ was. He was only a year younger than Shin meaning he was _four_. Why was he walking around by himself? Before he got it out, Nerimaru finally said: “You look like Jill.” 

…What? “…Jill? Who is that?” he questioned, his brows furrowing. Jill… 

“You wanna see her?” 

What? Yamada was going to say he was more curious about where his chaperone was but, like a magic trick, he pulled back the blanket on the wagon…and Yamada stopped breathing. 

Lying in the wagon against a pillow was a baby girl. With blond hair. She was clenching her eyes shut, probably due to the blanket being swept off of her, but when they opened they…they were bright blue. 

“Oh…oh…my God” he rasped barely over a whisper. 

“That’s our baby sister” Nerimaru announced. 

Yamada’s heart was ringing in his head as…he did the math. “How-how old is she?” 

“Five months old” Nerimaru announced, holding up five fingers, “Isn’t she pretty?” 

He…met up with Dana in October. October, November, December, January, February, March, April, May…June. From June, July, August, September, October… 

…November. 

Yamada trembled, tears welling in his eyes as he stared at…at his daughter? His…his little girl. She looked up at him curiously, just so round and bright-eyed before smiling just like Shin used to. Why…why didn’t Dana…? 

“S-She’s beautiful” he whispered, feeling the tear roll down his face, “If-If it’s okay with you, may…may I hold her?” 

“Yea, she likes you” Nerimaru agreed. 

Reaching down, he slowly lifted his first baby girl into his arms. He stroked back her blond wisps of hair, looking her over. For…all the things he had hated in himself, she…she was absolutely perfect. He… 

He had another child. 

“Oh, and here’s Tony. I guess he’s less interesting because I already have brothers” Nerimaru announced, pulling back the blanket more to reveal…another blond baby. 

Yamada felt the life suck out of him as, somehow, his wife had apparently managed to have two sets of twins in a row and he was now the father of three children. “O-Oh. I…I…need to sit” he said queasily, slumping into a chair as Jill gripped his shirt. 

How did this even _happen_? Yes, they had sex a few times but for her to have gotten pregnant, why—he ought to know it was possible as a doctor but for it to happen to him?! Jill gurgled and caught his attention as he tried to pace himself out of a heart attack. Yamada smiled warmly, finding her to be so refreshing despite the fact in a matter of minutes he gained two children. He picked Tony up too and the babe stared at him lazily. His…his children. The two blonds. How the probability pulled any of Dana’s children to look like him, he’d never know. 

They were perfect. 

“Shin’s dad?” 

He jumped, startled when Nerimaru came to the side of the wagon with the biggest lump, “Can you get a doctor to look at Koji? He’s acting really weird.” 

And that…was it. That was the moment that absolutely changed everything. To different points in his life, he wasn’t certain what it was but when Nerimaru pulled the blanket back to reveal Koji, all…all the pieces fell into a sickening place. 

Koji had all of his mother’s features. The pale skin, the dark hair, the dark eyes. In reality it should have been Nerimaru with the pseudo-brown blond hair that ought to have made him realize but it was Koji. Koji was curled up on his side, his eyes empty as he looked at him quietly. He didn’t move or even try to, his very demeanor so lifeless and defeated. Yamada…had felt like his very insides were being dragged down. 

…Was…was it…possible…? 

After a minute of a staring contest, Koji said something…entirely unintelligible. What?? Nerimaru, alas, answered back at ease in the same…language. They had a secret language? “Don’t be silly, Koji. Just let the doctor’s fix you.” 

“Y-Yes, Koji. You’re here” Yamada offered, looking up when Ayabe came back, “Let’s do a quick checkup and make sure you’re doing okay, all right?”  
  
Koji didn’t say anything. At all. No consent. Yamada tried again, “Is it okay with you, Koji? I want to help you feel better.” 

“Okay.” 

Ayabe kneeled, smiling, “Here, let’s go to the examination room and I’ll have a look at you, okay?”  
  
He blinked at her before nodding. He was so…melancholy. What was the matter? More importantly. “Nerimaru, where…where is your mother?” 

The more he sat here, the stranger and more negligent this got. First off, two babies and a sick four-year-old were in the care of another four year old. Did he walk here? Maybe…maybe they escaped and she was scared sick. 

“Mama and Domo are at a ‘press conference’” Nerimaru replied. 

…Wait. Yamada gazed at Nerimaru for a second, feeling so…ill. “‘Domo’? You…you don’t call him ‘dad’?”  
  
“Mama said he’s not our dad.” 

… _SHIT._ Yamada was going to pass out, this…this was too much. Surely…surely she saw the way he was _acting_ around the twins, like he was just managing to tolerate them. Wouldn’t that have prompted her to say ‘by the way, these _are_ your kids’? It…it _was_ possible, pacing it from August to the time they were born, but…but he had no way of knowing that! 

“A-Ah. Let’s-let’s go to the sitting room and I’ll go check on Koji, okay?” 

“Okay.” 

He took them to a private room where the interns and doctors could go to relax. Usually it was unoccupied as it was now so he wasn’t too nervous leaving them there. He smiled at his…babies and settled them back in the wagon, feeling awkward. “Um, I’ll have a nurse come see if you want something, Nerimaru. Just stay here, okay?”  
  
Nerimaru nodded, sitting down. Yamada quickly checked with the desk to see where Koji was and asking a passing nurse to look in on…his children. Maybe. Maybe…maybe he was reading too much into it. But…but if Domo wasn’t their father…? 

Clearing his throat to keep himself from throwing up, an antsy reaction as any, Yamada knocked on the door to the room. No answer. “Hello?”  
  
“…Hello.” 

Oh. He was a kid, maybe he didn’t realize he should answer. “H-Hi, Koji. It’s-It’s Shin’s dad.” 

And maybe yours too. “Oh.” 

…Okay. He opened the door. Koji was sitting on the table, wearing the kid’s gown. He…he really didn’t look so good. Well. Yamada offered him a smile and got a bit closer, “Hey, how are you doing? Has the doctor done a checkup yet?”  
  
Koji nodded. “Good, good. Is there anything you need?” 

He just stared up at him with his wife’s eyes so miserably. He must’ve been feeling awful. Shin was such a chipper guy and he hadn’t seen a child like this before. “I mean it, Koji. Anything. Just name it.”  
  
“Will you just kill me?”  
  
Yamada looked at him for a long moment, going over semantics and structure to try to construct a reason this was a question posed to him from a four year old child. Okay. “No, no, Koji, no one’s going to hurt you here. We’re just checking on you.”  
  
“…Oh. That’s too bad.” 

“…What?” Yamada whispered. 

“Yamada??”  
  
Not able to break his stare with…with Koji, he noted that Ayabe just called him by his first name frantically. He managed to answer, “Y-Yes?”  
  
“There you are. Hi, sweetie…you just take it easy, okay? I will be right back” she smiled at Koji. 

He didn’t say anything as she nervously waved him out. Yamada slowly followed as Ayabe took him to a quiet corner, looking around swiftly before whispering sharply, “We have to call the police immediately.” 

“What?” Yamada murmured, still stunned from his conversation with Koji, “The police? Why?”  
  
It just…hit him so hard. No physical attack ever compared to the words about to come out of her mouth. It was _that_ moment that completed it. It was the fruition of all the fears he had for Shin in his fucked up part of town where he was raised. It all came about in a son he didn’t accept because he didn’t know he was his living on the rich side of town. 

“He has _anal tearing_ , Yamada, and-and I think I swabbed semen out of his mouth” she hissed. 

No amount of time or preparation could have made that moment anything but the worst thing he ever heard. Not watching 68 people die, not watching his best friend die, not even being physically tortured and carved into. 

Yamada dry heaved, quickly covering his mouth. Suzue bit her lip, “I-I don’t know what exactly are the circumstances, Yamada, but these aren’t even one time wounds. This is reoccurring--” 

_“Every man has his weakness.”_

No. No, no, no, no. Yamada took a trembling inhale before slowly reentering the room with Koji. He’d curled up on his side. His son. This was his son all along from the moment he checked his heart and he let this happen. He let this happen. Swallowing, choking, Yamada pulled up a chair and sat eye level with Koji. He took a moment to still his voice. “Koji?” 

“Yes?”  
  
“…Who’s been hurting you? You don’t have to tell me about the hurt if you don’t want to, okay? Just…just tell me who’s been doing the hurting.” 

“…He said if I told, he’d hurt Nerimaru and mama. And Jill.” 

God, where…where were you? Yamada leaned back to take a long needed second to recompose himself from losing his mind. Pursing his lips, he moved forward again. “Koji…I promise you on my very life that whoever is doing this won’t hurt anyone, especially you, ever again, you hear me? Not your mama. Not your brother. Not…not your baby sister. I won’t let him anymore, okay? Who did it?”  
  
It…could have been a guard. One of his bastards. Just he knew. He knew in the pit of his stomach. Koji stared at him solemnly while he tried not to break down as that bastard hurt one more thing in his life. 

“Domo.” 

“…Thank you. Do…do you want to talk about it?”  
  
“…Not right now.”  
  
“Okay.” 

Exiting the room, Suzue looked at him questioningly. “…I’m going to have to approach this carefully, Suzue. This isn’t a normal case of just calling the police. For…for now, please, please put him in a private room and look after him until I get back. It won’t take long.” 

“…Okay” she agreed softly. 

He almost tipped over, racing back to the waiting room. Nerimaru was obliviously drinking from a juice box. Did…did he know? Was he even able to grasp, at _four years old_ , what was happening to his brother? How _could he_? They couldn’t even grasp this sort of thing in _adults_! 

How did this happen? Where the fuck was Dana? Why was she leaving them alone with that monster to let this happen?! If she knew these were his children, she knew that bastard wanted to destroy him. He made it a promise the day he killed Shin and now he was raping his child. 

“N-Nerimaru” he quivered, “Do…do you know wha-what press conference it was for?” 

“That mama went to? Domo’s got medicine in America” he informed. 

…Yes. Everyone was talking about that press conference in the hospital. He nodded, “Thank you. I’ll be right back.”  
  
“Can we see Koji?”  
  
“…Not yet, okay? Soon.”  
  
“Koji’s been acting weird. He was standing in a window last night. I asked him what he was doing but he just came back in.” 

…He was about to die. Either rage or the anguish was going to kill him. He was going to kill this bastard. He was going to kill this bastard a long time ago and he should have done it. He should have murdered him. There were people that deserved to die. 

“…We’re going to fix it, Nerimaru. Don’t worry.” 

Fix it! Yamada ran out of the room, gritting his teeth as he blindly sought out a phone to call the operator to direct him to the facility. How were they supposed to ‘fix this’?! His son was being raped by an adult for _God knows how long_. Longstanding. Two years? Since…since he was a baby since Domo threatened Jill? 

He barked at the snotty receptionist that answered that this was a hospital and he wouldn’t waste his time calling a farce like their so-called ‘medical conference’ unless it was an emergency. He demanded to speak with ‘Kamaishi Dana’ immediately. 

There was a whole lot of holds and hang ups that had him prepared to self-destruct in the twenty minutes it took to get her on the phone. She sounded confused. Where _was she_? “…Hello?”  
  
“Where were you?”  
  
“…Yamada? What—what’s going on? Why are you--” 

“Where were you?!” he screamed, alarming those around him who were already confused by his short temper. He…he had seriously been trying to quell his deep-rooted anger. 

“Yamada” Dana rasped softly, “What’s wrong? What do you mean ‘where was I?’. I’m--” 

“Where were you—where were you when _my son_ was being raped, Dana?! Where were you?!” 

The other end was quiet as he breathed hard and loud. “Yamada, what are you saying? What son?” 

“ _Koji._ The one I didn’t know I had because you never told me he was mine, Dana!” 

“…What are you saying?”  
  
“I’m saying my four children under the age of five are out roaming the streets, one is being raped by your bastard husband, and they found their way into my hospital. Koji is _sick_ and he wants to fucking die and he’s fucking four years old, Dana!! That fucking _demon_ is _raping my son_!! Why weren’t you _there_?!” 

The line went quiet and Yamada swore he heard what sounded like the phone falling against a surface. “Dana? Dana?!” 

He slammed the phone down, trying to calm down. Naturally _everyone_ overheard this conversation and were trying to help soothe him but he’d never be this angry ever again. 

…This… 

This was all his fault. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_“Shut up, you little bastard. Haven’t I told you I’ll kill your mommy?”_

Koji inhaled sharply, his eyes opening quickly. What? 

Sitting up in bed, gazing around deliriously, Koji tried to place his bearings but it was so dark. So…dark… 

He felt his heart start to race and things were jumbling through his head. Words with no meaning and no coherence. The more he tried to breathe, the more…the more the darkness swallowed him.  
  
“Kochi?”  
  
He trembled, feeling his heart stop racing as Popuri turned over and turned on the light on her side. She sat up as well, her face worried. “Baby, are you okay? Are you getting sick again?”  
  
“N-No, princess, I’m j-just fine” he insisted, forcing a smile.  
  
“You don’t _look_ fine. Let me call the doctor” she gushed, rushing out of bed.  
  
No. No, no, he didn’t need a doctor, he just…he just had a something. Something. It wasn’t a nightmare because there were no…no happenings. He hadn’t seen anything. Just darkness. Darkness and words. It wasn’t a dream, he knew that, but…it was nothing and it was…it was so…so black… 

_“Don’t worry. You’ll learn to like it.”_

Koji wanted to ask why Popuri turned the lights off but he realized as he lurched forward, losing all control of his body, that…they were still on. 

What…was happening?  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_As the wife of such a prominent ‘pharmaceutical’ family, Dana had to stand in front of the national press as they spoke about potential drugs to treat the AIDS/HIV epidemic overseas. Domo pretended to care about his world neighbors while snorting about those ‘fags’ getting what they deserved in secret. Such a despicable human being, as usual._

_She had no earthly idea._

_About two hours into this press conference, a woman scurried onto the stage. While she expected the woman to go to any of the prominent figures there, she came to Dana. “Ma’am…there’s…there’s a doctor demanding to speak to you.”_

_What? Domo was still speaking but shot her a disgusted look. Another beating for later, she was sure. At the very least she was expected to keep appearances in public. Still, such a strange occurrence. She bowed as she moved off stage as quietly as possible to not draw attention to herself._

_She picked up the phone, twirling the coiled line around her finger. “…Hello?_

_“Where were you?”  
  
…What? “…Yamada?” she whispered, looking around to see if any of the guards heard. What was he doing? This was insane! “What—what’s going on? Why are you--” _

_“Where were you?!”_

_…Yamada had some issues with his rage but almost never directed at her. Pretty much never, unless he was upset or frustrated. The…tone of his voice was something she’d never heard. He…he sounded so hateful. “Yamada. What’s wrong? What do you mean ‘where was I?’. I’m--”_

_“Where were you—where were you when my son was being raped, Dana?! Where were you?!”_

_Dana felt like the life was sucked out of her._

_…Her first thought was Shin. Someone was hurting her little boy. Except, the question wouldn’t have made sense. Shin was with Yamada and she wasn’t able to be there, he knew that. What…what did he mean? “Yamada, what are you saying? What son?”_

_“Koji. The one I didn’t know I had because you never told me he was mine, Dana!”_

_Koji. Her very life. Her little protector. No, that…that wasn’t right. She…she was there. “…What are you saying?”  
  
“I’m saying my four children under the age of five are out roaming the streets, one is being raped by your bastard husband, and they found their way into my hospital. Koji is sick and he wants to fucking die and he’s fucking four years old, Dana!! That fucking demon is raping my son!! Why weren’t you there?!” _

_Dana couldn’t breathe._

_…When? When was this happening? When…when she was at work? When…when Domo beat her so hard that Koji himself would plead for her to leave? Her…her four-year-old was telling her to run and she did and he was being…_

_Yamada wanted an explanation. She had none. All she had were excuses because she did leave them to their own devices, she thought she had no choice. Again. Again, he manipulated all of this so he could hurt her but this time through her children. To hurt her was one thing but the baby he knew she was closest to?_

_She dropped the phone. Yamada was calling her but she couldn’t hear him right now. So happened a cooking expo was to follow this event and they were setting up their cookware and knives. Dana swept past and picked one up. One of the setters demanded to know what she was doing. She couldn’t hear him right now._

_Turning the knife up her sleeve, she moved methodically back to where she’d been sitting next to Domo. He was still speaking like he wasn’t Satan about how much he cared about people. At home, he was beating his wife and sexually molesting a four-year-old boy. Her…her four-year-old boy._

_It ended right now. Fuck money, fuck getting out, she’d end it right here._

_Everyone in the audience screamed as she drew the knife out in a fluid movement and started stabbing Domo in the crotch. He howled and cursed at her, blindly trying to grab her hand. His goons grabbed her, yelling and quickly going to assist their ‘boss’. Given a little more time, she would have liked to have gone for his neck._

_…What was she supposed to do now?_

And he never acted on his anger ever again. 

Yagami Yamada buried his face in his hands at the ‘breaking news’ in the private suite with Koji. It was playing over and over on television like a broken record as his wife stabbed Domo in, what appeared to be, his crotch. It was a fitting judgment, most certainly, just… _Dana_. 

“…Where’s mama now?” Koji asked softly, resting in bed. 

“…I don’t know” Yamada whispered. Alive, he was hoping and praying. 

He grimaced, realizing this was not the sort of macabre scene he ought to be watching with a four year old. “Hey, let’s…let’s turn this off, okay?”  
  
“…We can leave it on” he blinked slowly, watching unyieldingly as Domo screamed. 

“…Well, just…just for now, okay? Nerimaru and the babies wanna see you and they may not like this.” 

“Oh, okay.” 

He shivered, turning the television to an anime, a little disturbed by a basically toddler’s twisted response. Not that he blamed him even _slightly,_ Yamada was also secretly delighting in that garbage’s suffering, just… 

Nerimaru scowled when Yamada returned. “You said _soon_. It’s been _forever_.”  
  
“I’m sorry, some…some things happened” Yamada smiled the best he could, “Come on, we can go see Koji now.” 

He pulled the wagon containing his babies, thoughts turning over in his head. He had to…to get to some sort of authority. The testing had been done by an unrelated credentialed doctor and a report was ready to go to the officials. Just, it would go to the police, mysteriously get lost, and Domo would go free. His wife would probably be placed in prison for trying to kill Domo instead of a crime of passion. 

….There…were so many injustices in this very place. 

Walking into Koji’s room, Nerimaru gasped and quickly went over to Koji. They started to speak in that language again and Yamada stared. Koji shrugged after a moment before looking to him. “…Shin’s dad?”  
  
‘Shin’s dad’. How exactly was he going to introduce himself now? ‘Hi, by the way, I’m your real dad’. This…this was the most awkward and awful thing he could have never imagined. Speaking of Shin, ugh, he…he definitely needed someone to get him now. 

“Shin’s dad?”  
  
“A-ah, sorry. Yes?”  
  
“What time is it?”  
  
Eh? “O-Oh, it’s…it’s three in the afternoon” Yamada answered, confused. Shin never worried about time unless he was about to protest going to bed. 

Nerimaru jumped off the bed and went over to the wagon, getting a bag from under the blanket. Yamada was jumpy as he started moving the babies but realized, well, he was the one that’d gotten them here. “I’ll let you feed Jilly again since you’re sick, Koji.” 

“Okay.” 

Wait, what? Koji held both babies while Nerimaru dragged a chair to the sink in the room and started toying with the hot water. Yamada could only watch as he ran two bottles of formula or milk under the water before covering the nipple with his finger and shaking it. He even put a droplet on his wrist before going over to Koji and handing him one before retrieving Tony. 

Jill hungrily opened her mouth as Koji fed her, a baby holding a baby. Half way through the bottle, he even took the towel and put it over his shoulder as he rubbed and patted her back to…to burp her. 

…His four-year-olds were better parents than he was at nineteen! What was going on?! Was…was Dana allowed to be around them? Were they just completely caring for themselves? 

For the first time in these last hours, Yamada saw Koji smile when Jill fell asleep. He kissed her forehead and Yamada shook as he whispered, ‘I won’t let Domo hurt you’. 

_Shit._

“H-Hey kids, you must be hungry too. You’re…you’re so good at taking care of your little brother and sister so-so I’m going to take care of you and get you something good to eat, okay?” Yamada got out shakily. 

Nerimaru nodded and Koji didn’t say anything. He…he probably didn’t want to eat. He was so thin and frail, he… 

Yamada escaped the room and rushed off to the rooftop. It was completely empty and perfect for him to cry out in agony. There was _no_ making this right. _None_. This was completely and absolutely his fault. This chain of events didn’t even have to happen if he’d been _stronger_. He knew it was fishy Shin died in front of their apartment, he should have taken his family to go hide right then and there but no, too busy being weak and affected by a bastard that also started this course of events. He hoped there was an afterlife so Shin could look down and see how his actions led to his child being raped. 

Rape. To physically force one’s self on another against their wishes sexually. It was despicable for all ages. But a toddler? A baby? There was a human being _capable_ of looking at a child and saying ‘I will sexually assault you’. Koji didn’t even know what sex _was_ , he was _four_ and here this twisted sense of sexuality was being wrenched into him. 

How…how would he make it? He wanted to die. Nerimaru asked why he was in that window, Yamada’s child was about to _jump_. The only reason he didn’t was probably because he thought Domo would move on to Nerimaru. Or Jill. Or Tony. The concept of _suicide_ should be foreign to Koji too. Alas, he knew he didn’t want to live anymore so wasn’t that enough? 

Yamada rapidly wiped his face, the tears endless. He couldn’t…he couldn’t even fathom how to help him. He didn’t even know how to get Koji to talk about this. Should they talk about this? Yamada didn’t want him to think about a man forcing himself on him. But how…how was he supposed to grow up to be functioning with this foundation? What was he going to think when he got older? How was he going to cope? This wasn’t an adult trying to march their way through the suffering, this was a _little boy_. 

And Domo wouldn’t see the walls of a jail. 

“Yagami.”  
  
Oh, the _last_ voice he wanted to hear. Matsushima Shiro appeared behind him, holding a cigarette. As was, Yamada was around four hours late coming back from his break. “I-I’m sorry, sir.” 

Matsushima didn’t say anything, taking a draw off something Yamada had never _ever_ wanted more badly in his life. “So, let’s break it down. Your wife was engaged to Domo Kamaishi. Domo Kamaishi found her, took her back, and married her himself. You managed to have _four_ more children with her in this time period. Domo seemed quite aware of this and, as everyone in the hospital is in an uproar about, sexually assaulted your son.” 

_He_ wanted to die. “…Yes.” 

“Then…explain why we’re not calling the officials at, I hear, your command?”  
  
Yamada stared into the deep blue sky, the same color sky this whole cycle started under. “Kamaishi Domo is a yakuza. Kamaji. He killed my best friend and 68 people in that massacre in Wasaba no one outside of Wasaba pays any attention to. No one, not a single soul, was charged. Not one investigation was done. Domo controls the cops. I turn in my son’s rape, it gets swept away with the sweep of a hand. And then…I’m going to kill him. That’s all I have left.”  
  
His current mentor exhaled, staring at something below before drawling, “I lose a lot of good doctors, Yamada. A lot of them. And not because they murdered someone either.” 

Scowling, Yamada turned to look more at him, brushing his hand across his face to get rid of the lingering wetness. Matsushima puffed a bit, “I don’t need a doctor out murdering people, Yamada. Promise me you’ll keep your cool and stay around here for twenty years and I’ll get this scuzz off the street.” 

…What? “Look, Matsushima--” 

“I’m going to do it regardless, Yamada, I’m not letting a child-raping murderer not get his comeuppance. I just want you to promise that you’ll be a doctor for twenty years and not running on bloodlust because your family needs you. Your child is fragile right now and it is your duty to help him and you’re not going to do that speaking through a window or dead. We have a deal?”  
  
Yamada gaped, speechless. “…Y-Yes. But I don’t know how--” 

“You let me worry about the finer points, Yamada” Matsushima said dryly, grinding out his cigarette, “You get back to your children. They need you.”  
  
Nodding, he started for the steps before pausing. “…Thank you, Matsushima.” 

“Feh.” 

…He wasn’t sure what Matsushima had up his sleeve. To be perfectly honest, he really didn’t know a lot about the guy. Just…he was right. Yes, this could have been stopped years ago with better decisions but he couldn’t dwell on that now. Just this morning he was assured about the things he would have to do and it was even more pertinent now. His children weren’t returning to that place. Five kids in a two bedroom apartment…it wasn’t going to work. 

This…this was his legacy. He was going to make this better. Had to. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

“Koji! Koji!” 

Koji breathed out _hard_ before grinning, breaking the empty vodka bottle against a table which amounted to cheers. “Let’s get this f—king party _started_!!”  
  
_Uh, uh, uh, c'mon. Hah, sicka than your average. Poppa twist cabbage off instinct, n--gas don't think s--t stink, pink gators, my Detroit players. Timbs for my hooligans in Brooklyn. Dead right, if the head right, Biggie there ery'night. Poppa been smooth since days of Underroos._

Pouring himself a cup of straight vodka, Koji hummed as he danced along to try to catch up with Corey, Keiba, or Nelly. Shin might’ve been around here somewhere too but that goody two-shoes was always saying mom and dad won’t like them having a parties. F—k, like they were ever home anymore. 

Well, that reminded him. Slipping into the house while the hundreds of occupants of his house party danced and drank in the backyard, Koji skipped upstairs. Coming down the hallway, he knocked on one of the doors. “Oi, Jilly?!” 

_But my love is all I have to give. Without you I don’t think I can live. I wish I could give the world to you but love is all I have to give to you._

God, shoot him. There were a bunch of girls in there, squealing, probably listening to this crap about some guy who couldn’t provide s—t but his ‘love’. His eyes closed slightly until Yagami Jill, his only baby sister appeared, her hair in pigtails like one of those Spice Girls. They were all hot. 

“Eh, nii-san, whaddya want?” she demanded.  
  
“Hi-i-i, Koji-san!” her gaggle of friends gushed.  
  
“Hello, ladies” he greeted amiably before smirking at the disgruntled Jill, “I’m just checking on you, _princess_. Big brother is about to be very under the weather soon but should you need anything, I’m available but Shin might be your better option.”  
  
Jill pouted, closing the door behind her, “You mean you’re gonna get _drunk_. You’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, nii-chan.”  
  
“To you?”  
  
“To other people!”  
  
“But not to you, right?” he scowled, a little concerned.  
  
She groaned, “No, nii-chan, you’re _always_ nice to me except when you’re teasing me.”  
  
“Yea, I can’t wait to introduce you to non-sap music” he snorted, kissing the top of her head before slipping two hundred pieces into the 12-year-old’s hand, “You order yourself and your friends a pizza, princess.”  
  
“Ah! Thank you, nii-chan!”  
  
His pretty little sister. It bothered the living s—t out of him that she was about to hit thirteen and starting to think about _boys_. Boys. They sucked. He sucked. He’d kill all of them. 

Going back out of the house, he smiled as two girls that went to Wensington, the upper crusty snooty high school, sauntered past and looked at him coyly. Tonight would be a good night.  
  
“Koji!”  
  
He looked to Nelly, his brother drinking a cup of something with Rinako under his arm. “Hey man, you got a cig? Rinako’s got a bit of a hankerin’.”  
  
Koji patted his pockets, finding the pack and offering the cig to Rinako and Nelly before popping one into his mouth, lighting up. Rinako suggested a bit of a…menage trois between the three of them but Koji declined. Generally he did, he and Nelly did not have to share sexy time too. 

Speaking of sexy, he slid up to his favorite friendly benefit lady, Erika. She smiled at him when he requested they go discuss the latest in Pokémon tactics. “You’re so full of s—t, Koji Yagami.”  
  
In a matter of speaking, as much fun as he had in those days, it…it never felt good at the end of the day. At the time he waved it off to a hangover but sleeping with girls that only had a mutual physical attraction to him and _oh so many_ , he guessed he was unsatisfied. It worked for a lot of people—Nelly had been doing it longer than he had. But something in him had believed in having just someone and that’d been crushed. 

“Ha, look at Yagami.”  
  
Koji hadn’t really started to get where he wanted to with Erika, having taken her to sit to actually talk about stuff. Sometimes he liked to chat before having a ‘good time’. However, his blood boiled hot when he heard the voice of Namara Eiichi. He hated that bastard and how he always showed up at his parties, he never knew. 

His cronies made sense to Koji, they actually started to retreat a few paces because they knew their pal annoyed the living hell out of him. That usually came with mixed results that even he couldn’t gauge. Eiichi didn’t back down, looking like the piece of s—t he was. “You know it’s weird to have a thing for blondes, right?”  
  
Erika rolled her eyes, looking away. Like his dad, her father was American while her mother was from Osaka. As if that s—t should matter in this day and age. He patted her hand, “Nothing is weird about being blond. My dad is blond and my future sister-in-law’s hair is pink. Nature does great things.”  
  
She snickered, kissing him, “You’re still full of it, Yagami Koji. I’ll be right back.”  
  
Koji glowered as she clearly went off somewhere to probably hate herself because of this asshole. He stood to give the deviant a look, “You know, you can mind your own damn business and disappear right now.”  
  
“Just an observation, Yagami, don’t go crazy!”  
  
That was also a stab. People were starting to gather. This was what was expected of him. People wanted to fight him, to see if he was as much a ‘challenge’ as previous contenders claimed after the dust settled. Of course he got the rep for being weak and spindly, a little paler than Nelly and kind of ‘gothy’, as some would say. What he was was trying to stop getting into fights for no reason. He was approaching seventeen, he needed to get his act together. 

“Hell, maybe I like blondes too. You know who’s a cute blond? Your little sister.”  
  
There were sharp whispers but something was whirring in Koji’s brain that blended all of that out for the son of a bitch in front of him. “What’d you say?”  
  
“I mean, c’mon, Koji, you’re doing girls left and right. Your sister will just be one of ‘em too. Maybe I’ll be the first one to f—k her brain out. Maybe I’ll go check her out right now.”  
  
It was always a blur. Always. It was like one second someone would be saying disgusting s—t to him about his mother or sister and next thing he knew, they were bleeding and crumpled on the ground. This was no different, his blackout rage only ceasing due to Nelly screaming ‘stop! You’re gonna kill him!’. He wanted that. He truly and completely wanted that.  
  
He’d always been surrounded in a crazy darkness. He just…wanted to know why? Naturally he wasn’t going to let that scum anywhere near his sister. He wasn’t worth the effort, he didn’t have to permanently disfigure the guy. It just… 

…It just came out. And he couldn’t stop it. 

…So much felt out of his control in life. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

“Koji! Koji!”  
  
He slowly opened his eyes and found himself in the hospital again, lying in bed with his frazzled wife by his side and his siblings crowded there. Great. 

“Hey, Po. I’m all right…” he slurred, feeling heavy tongued. Oh…he must’ve bitten it. He…must’ve had another seizure. 

Yagami Yamada was once again staring at the images of Koji’s brain they must have taken, his brows creased. If his head was perplexing his father, the prognosis was not looking too swift. 

Dana scowled, sitting by his side and stroking his hair, “Are you taking it easy?”  
  
“Mother, if I take it any easier, I’ll be dead. I was literally asleep before this happened.”  
  
Popuri held his fingers weakly and he gave her hand a little squeeze. He was not keeping his promise, he was probably worrying her to death. Nelly tiredly looked at him before uttering: “What can you do, dad?”  
  
The sometimes miracle worker still wasn’t saying anything. Maybe he wasn’t even staring at the pictures but through them. Alas, after about five minutes he uttered pretty lowly ‘what did you do?’. 

“What?” Koji scowled.  
  
“Hmm? Oh, at this point, Koji, I will ask if you want to go on some medication. I would prescribe medicinal marijuana but…well, it’s you.”  
  
Koji couldn’t help smirk at that, “I would not smoke weed just to smoke it, dad. Though that probably isn’t a bad idea…”  
  
His mom grunted, “Of all things that help seizures, _pot_.”  
  
He snickered as she kissed his forehead, muttering not to get too high or crazy. Nah, he wasn’t even really planning on smoking, he probably just needed to do the pill. Yea, one was more naturally safe than the other but he wasn’t the sanest person on the leaf. 

Popuri was very quiet as his siblings and mother crowded up to speak. When he checked out, she still really hadn’t said much of anything. By the time they got home, he wondered if she was going to leave him. “Don’t be silly, Kochi. I’m just tired, it is five in the morning.”  
  
“Oh…yea.”  
  
Feeling ill not because his brain was frying but because he was being too much of a strain, Koji took Popuri and tucked her in. She smiled at him as he gave her a kiss. “I’m fine, Koji, really. Come sleep, please.”  
  
…Okay. Starting to crawl back into bed, he noted his pillow had blood on it from him biting his tongue during the seizure. This wasn’t good. He changed the pillow case and settled next to his wife, watching her doze off. What if…what if it happened again? What was it? 

…Wait, what…what even triggered it to begin with? 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_“My sister is back from Germany.”  
  
“Wait, you have a sister?”  
  
Yagami Koji was sitting at a food place in Subami, perhaps a burger joint if he recalled correctly, with Ueda Kurou aka Corey and his on-off girlfriend, Kato Diana. The details were foggy but his twin had managed to piss him off about hanging out with friends Nelly didn’t like or something juvenile. Nobody had time for that. _

_Diana gave him a look, her silky black hair bouncing as she shook her head, “You leave her alone.”  
  
“What? I mean, I’m sure she’s hot given the genetics…”  
  
“Oi” Corey leered at him, eating a fry.  
  
Diana snickered, wiping her fingertips, “She’s older than me by a year so she probably won’t be interested in you anyway. She’s been studying in Germany, living with my dad. Okita Saiyuri. We call her Sai.”  
  
Sai. To this day, if he thought about Sai, he felt this world of emotions he struggled to accept or amble through. To this very moment, actually, because he couldn’t even envision their meeting without feeling ill and bothered. She was the person that made him feel like it wasn’t impossible, that all his inner hoping that, perhaps, there was one person out there for him to come home to and love and not need all this extra he was involved in. _

_Honestly? It only lasted about…eight, nine months. But, not by choice. One factor that made him nauseous about Saiyuri were, if she’d lived, if the cancer hadn’t been terminal, was he may have stayed with her and married her. She wasn’t Popuri. No, they were polar opposites, really. She never coddled him, she was quiet, she was very straightforward. She kept him thinking straight and of the consequences of his actions. She did worry about him like Popuri did though. She thought, were it not for the voice of others, his own thoughts always led him to oblivion. Perhaps._

_It was scary to think that now. He’d have never come to Mineral if he married Saiyuri, not even for a second. Maybe his grandfather’s funeral but that was it. Done. This place where he’d built his life and had his children and married the very best thing to have ever happened to him. However, with that thought he realized that someone else could have been the very best thing to happen to him. In all sincerity, had he not met Sai? He would have never looked toward Popuri again. He was that much of a jackass. He would have been swallowed by his own bitterness and rage and been an absolute asshole. If Popuri could look past his collection of partners, he sure as hell should have had his head on straight enough to look past one. No, had Sai not said in her last moments to find his other half, he’d have shut Popuri out like he did everything else._

_“Koji, I think something happened to you.”  
  
“What?” _

_He remembered that. They’d been at school and someone said something vile to her, something like ‘come see what a real man is’. Sai often told them to ‘bug off’ in that cute German accent she picked up in her time overseas. That day, the guy took the threats too far, a little too violating. Koji punched him in the neck._

_He couldn’t place where they’d been after or where it was but her words were like little shards in his head. “I think something happened to you. I think you have some repressed feelings toward people like that.”  
  
“Sai, everyone should have feelings toward things like that. I don’t have some deep angsty hole because I get mad at people okay with rape.”  
  
“That’s true” she conceded, “But it always sounds like you have some stake in it.”  
  
Did he? He wasn’t sure. The women talked about were his mother or his sister or her. Those were people he cared about getting talked about overtly sexually. Just…he hated hearing about it just anywhere either. Again, that ought to be a given but sometimes it did hurt him. And sometimes he just blacked out with rage. The older he got, the stronger the knife dug in. _

_And, granted, when it happened to his baby girl, a piece of his world, he had a moment like that. It was pointed at her now husband and, had it been younger years, God knows what would have happened to Chihaya while it was just them sitting in that car. He pulled it together and, yes, as a father, he had all the right to be enraged and emotionally compromised it just…_

_…It just didn’t seem normal all the time._

_Blackout rage. Just like these blackout moments he was having. Something emotionally compromised him to a level he couldn’t handle and something just…switched. One second Chihaya was telling him through evidence his daughter had been assaulted, the next his hand was around the boy’s throat. One second some bastard was saying he was going to ‘f—k’ his underage sister, the next the creep had been beaten savagely._

_This though? Something happened and he didn’t know what it was. He blacked out, woke up in the hospital usually. No one was hurt in the middle but something was happening to him._

_Today, he was just watching television. He had his feet up, he had a nice frosty lemonade, he was under a nice blanket, and he was going to eat chips. It was a good day. He felt good. He felt calm. He pushed back the familial drama to actually take it easy._

_He turned the channel and woke up in the hospital._

_What? Where was the in-between? Where was the causation? Where was…anything? Popuri was choking that he’d just fallen out on the floor and seized. Why? Why was this…why was this happening?  
  
What…what was missing? Was Sai right? Why was this happening? _

_What happened to him?  
  
_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

Unlucky number four. 

Yagami Popuri grasped her shaking hands, pursing her lips tightly as she gazed toward the Yagami clan as they stood in the area outside Koji’s room. Four. Four times in the last month.  
  
This was beyond ‘taking it easy’. Koji was being triggered left and right now. It was horrible the third time, her husband was just cozily cuddled up on the couch watching television one second and the next she heard the tumble and loud thumping while cooking in the kitchen. She didn’t even see what it was that triggered it. Maybe something on the news like Mark said. 

Today? Today was her final straw. He was going out to see their grandchildren. They were going to the park, he said, seeming a little excited. Koji loved his grandchildren and that was the least stressful thing possible for him. He’d been smiling. 

He looked at his phone and had another attack right there in his car. 

Enough. _Enough_. Popuri gritted her teeth, watching them stand there and whisper. This wasn’t about _them_ anymore. This was never about _them_. If something this horrible was happening to Koji and they knew why then they ought to tell _him_. Why the hell were they letting him sit here and suffer like this when they knew? What was wrong with them? Enough. She was not Koji’s wife if she let this happen anymore. She wouldn’t let them hurt him anymore.  
  
Stalking up to them, shaky nonetheless, she got out: “What’s going on?”  
  
They paused like they usually would and fell silent. No. No more. “Stop _it_. Stop _doing that_. Tell me what it is that’s going on with Koji. What’s wrong with my husband?”  
  
Jill frowned slowly, “Popuri, we don’t know either.”  
  
“Bullshit, Jill!” Popuri snapped, “You know _something_. You’re over here _whispering_ and discussing things without at least Koji involved and you know at least a reason why this is happening! Tell me! Or at least tell _Koji._ Stop letting him suffer like this!”  
  
Dana shook her head, saying calmly, “Popuri, we’re going to try to help. But please, you _both_ have to stay calm and let this play through.”  
  
“We’ve _tried_ , Dana, but whatever it is it’s getting _worse_. Tell us. Let us help” Popuri pleaded.  
  
For all of them, Nelly was the most invested to the secrecy. He hadn’t given her an inch on any of it even remotely. At least the others would talk around it, he didn’t talk about it all. He looked…livid, like she’d said something offensive. “And how do you expect to help, Popuri?”  
  
“I don’t know! I don’t know what it is I’m helping with!”  
  
“That’s right!” Nelly spat, “You don’t know a fucking thing about what’s going on so how the hell do you think you’re gonna help?!”  
  
“Nelly--” Shin started, holding up a hand.  
  
“Just keep your nose out of things that don’t involve you! It’s none of your fucking business!”  
  
She swallowed hard, quivering as she tried to find a rebuttal. He’d…never spoken to her quite like that and…and he was someone she’d known as long as Koji. Feeling herself shrink away, she yelped when it felt like a breeze swept by her. Oh no. 

Shin actually just covered his eyes with his hand as Koji grabbed Nelly by the front of his shirt and essentially _threw him_. Why? He was literally just lying in a hospital bed! Popuri choked, wiping her eyes as she quickly went over, “K-Kochi, stop!”  
  
“Where the fuck do you get off yelling at my wife like that, you son of a bitch?!” Koji bellowed, slugging Nelly across the jaw _hard_.  
  
“Koji, stop it!” Dana proclaimed, grabbing his arm.  
  
“Where the _fuck_ do you get off, Nerimaru?! I didn’t _dream_ of raising my voice to your wife until she hurt you and you’re going to fucking stand here and yell at mine when she’s trying to protect me?! What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Koji screamed. 

Nelly looked completely shocked. Popuri quickly went to Koji, seeing his whole body shaking with rage, his skin actually flushed. He just had a seizure, this wasn’t good. “Koji, baby, ple-please, calm down, it’s okay.”  
  
“The hell it is!!”  
  
She was still crying, _stupidly_ , from hurt so apparently when he looked down at her he just…completely lost it. “So you fucking assholes would rather stand here and yell at the only person who apparently gives two shits about my wellbeing and tell her it’s not her _business_ , huh? My _wife._ It’s not _her business_ why her husband keeps waking up in the fucking hospital every two minutes. You’re all full of _shit_!”  
  
“Koji--” Dana started.  
  
“Well, if it’s not her business, then it sure as hell is _mine_. Why? Why do I keep waking up here, huh? Don’t tell me it’s nothing because you’ve all known something since day one! What is it? What is the deep dark secret _this time_ , huh? What is it that Koji can’t handle _this time_? Just decide again _for me_ like you usually do, huh? Let me just be ‘dumb ol’ Koji’. Doesn’t need to know shit about his own damn life! Keep playing the same fucking games when it’s just _me_ but don’t you _ever_ come at my wife like that!!”  
  
They were all frozen as Koji hissed, “So it’d be all cool if something happened to dad, huh? He’s getting sick every second and everyone knew but you, mom, and they wouldn’t tell you ‘why?’. It’d just be cool for all of you, huh? You’d just let Lyla keep collapsing, Shin, or you’d let Cliff and Karen and Ann suffer when you know someone knew something. Get off your fucking high horse and just _tell me_.”  
  
Popuri hoped Koji’s frustration got through to them. It ought to because this was the final straw. This was the point of no return and they had this opportunity. He was willing to listen and everything would be okay. 

Not a word. They just looked at their feet. 

They had to be kidding. Koji stared before laughing darkly, “Wow. Just wow.”  
  
“Koji--” Nelly muttered, holding his bruised cheek.  
  
“Don’t you fucking talk to me right now, Nerimaru. Don’t you say a fucking word” Koji yelled, shaking his head, “In fact, none of you talk to me. Don’t you fucking show your face to me until you have something to say about this. I don’t want a fucking thing to do with you. Don’t show up at my house or I’m calling the cops. Don’t call me, don’t text me, don’t _look at me_. We are _through_ until you get your head out of your ass!”  
  
Popuri grimaced as he grabbed her hand and marched for the door. The others were weakly calling to him but he didn’t turn back. Oh no… 

…Four really was unlucky. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_…Well.  
  
Nelly sat on the small couch away from his siblings and mother, the rest just sitting dumbfounded where they could. He just… _

“Where the _fuck_ do you get off, Nerimaru?! I didn’t _dream_ of raising my voice to your wife until she hurt you and you’re going to fucking stand here and yell at mine when she’s trying to protect me?! What the fuck is wrong with you?!”  
  
_“…I…I don’t know if he was right--” Nelly whispered to break the silence.  
  
“Nerimaru” Dana interrupted, her voice flat. _

_“He doesn’t know the circumstances! And she doesn’t either!” he protested, “I don’t know what I would do--”  
  
“Nerimaru, there was a time I almost died for your father. And if I were presented with the same circumstances, I would do it again. So I know what I would do: I would have lost my mind and probably shut the whole place down” Dana said simply. “My son didn’t do anything I wouldn’t have done myself and I should know better.”  
  
They all looked at her, startled. Nelly tried to insist to himself that he wouldn’t have, that he’d have trusted his family’s reasons enough, that someone like Popuri who had been in his family this long would trust their reasons enough. _

_Then, if he were still married and Elli’s surviving family knew something and wouldn’t tell him? Yelled at them when he asked? He would have lost his absolute shit and he knew it._

_“Well…” Tony whispered, “What do we do now? How do we explain to our kids that Uncle Koji has disowned the family?”  
  
“No, I can’t see Koji refusing our kids” Jill murmured, “It’s just us.”  
  
“He can’t be mad that long” Nelly muttered, standing to pace.  
  
…Who the hell was he kidding? Koji was the master of being mad. Just…the sad part? _

_…He’d almost rather it be this way than have his brother remember. It just…it just wasn’t going to work if he found out. Never again could it be the same.  
  
They’d lose him. _

“So…you mean to tell me Nelly yelled at Popuri to which Koji obviously would not respond well to and now Koji has essentially cut ties with our family.”  
  
Yamada stared at his wife as she lied on her back in bed, staring up. “…Yea, that about sums it up.”  
  
“Dana.”  
  
Something had felt off. He came home and went to work out before coming upstairs. Either his wife was usually drawing or watching television if she were here. Instead she was just lying there and he knew something was up. But this. 

She rubbed her face, groaning, “Yama, _I get it_ , okay? But how? How do I tell him not to panic?”  
  
“Not to—Dana, Koji is having seizures looking at televisionto do with Domo, this is beyond telling our son everything is fine!” 

“I _will not_ tell him, Yamada. I won’t.”  
  
He could not understand. At all. “Dana…our son has been through cancer scares, his children being hurt and assaulted, his family being almost ripped apart—he is fine. He _made it through._ Are you going to really just hope this hokey medicine is going to withstand?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
…So be it then. _He’d_ tell Koji. Dana fell asleep after an hour and he turned over to text his son, ‘I know you’re not talking to us but if you’ll let me, I’ll tell you what’s going on’. It…it made his head ring and his heart race with the horror of it all but he’d do it. His son had always deserved that much and he’d continually failed him. 

And…somewhat understandably, Koji never responded. A small part of him was relieved but…the logical part knew this wasn’t good. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

“Koji!! Koji!!” 

…He wasn’t certain what happened. 

After he got the twins some miso and yakisoba, he realized he couldn’t sit on this. Yes, Matsushima was correct about the homicide portion but…he couldn’t let anything happen to Dana. They’d let her sit around, uninjured, for a little while but this was the breaking point. They already had to recover her from being married to a gaijin and now she’d stabbed their boss? 

God…what sort of turmoil had she gone through? Koji and Nerimaru, they…they could pass as Domo’s children but in no universe did Tony or Jill have that chance. Five months. What had she gone through that five months their babies were alive? 

Matsushima was in his office, on the phone, when he knocked. Matsushima gruffly admitted him and Yamada stammered out that, while he appreciated it, he could really only give the situation 24 hours before he had to move to save Dana. Matsushima scoffed. _“24 hours? Give me two.”_

And that was precisely the amount of time it took. The police showed up and he knew it was downhill from there…except they got Suzue and the other doctor’s testimony before taking the evidence. They visited Koji and shook their heads. Yamada…didn’t know what that meant. 

In a precedent he’d never seen in his country, in a matter of another hour, the next breaking news item was ‘Kamaishi Domo Charged with Rape and Sexual Assault of a Minor’. 

Yamada was speechless. The news didn’t skimp over any of it at all. They had Koji’s age and relation to Dana. They even included a ‘growing suspicion’ Domo was involved in drug trafficking. Everyone in the hospital was in a tizzy talking about it. Now, to top it off, Dana was rushing into the hospital. 

He was holding Jill and Tony, Nerimaru and Koji lying in bed beside each other watching anime. Just…just like Dana, when they finally paid attention to it, they asked what it was. He…he couldn’t have that lifestyle for his children. Not the one Dana was raised in. Not after this. 

Koji looked up and smiled. Two times. “Mama, you’re free.” 

She sobbed, hugging him tightly and rocking. “Koji…Koji, why didn’t you tell me? Why? I know you think I’m weak but-but I’d never let him hurt you. Not any of you.” 

“I don’t think you’re weak, mama…” 

Understandably she was in shambles. He…he needed to get back to work. “U-Um, I…I need to get back to my shift. The doctors are going to keep a close eye on Koji so everyone can stay here for the night. Let…let me know if the babies need diapers or anything, I’ll get them.” 

Dana looked up at him, her dark eyes red and swollen. He shouldn’t have yelled at her. At this very second she had a bruise across her neck and cheek. She…she would have died had she done anything else but obey. That…that wasn’t a good feeling. “Dana, I…I’m sorry I…I called you like that on the phone, I was just…dismayed.”  
  
“You were right. There’s no reason to apologize” she said numbly, “…Where was I?”  
  
Kari called the hospital when it was just Dana that was prime time news in a panic. She informed him that Dana was working at one of her studios, trying to save money to get out of the marriage. She’d apparently been doing it since they were forced to divorce so that’s where she had cash from…she was trying to save them like he had been. It wasn’t her fault. At all. 

He tried to set Jill in the crib he had gotten brought in for her and Tony…but she clung to his shirt, fussing a bit. Yamada smiled despite himself, giving her a kiss on the forehead. “I have to go for now, my lady. I’ll be back, promise.”  
  
“Hey” Nerimaru scowled, his brow scrunched up, “Is Shin’s dad Jill and Tony’s dad too?”  
  
“Yes…” Dana confirmed.  
  
“That’s not fair! Where’s our dad?”  
  
Yamada froze, alarmed. Dana, however, looked nonplussed. “Neri-chan, you all have the same dad.”  
  
Both Koji and Nerimaru looked up at him as he pretty much stood there like a statue, mortified. Just like that, huh, Dana? Shaking, he lifted a hand, “H-Hi.”  
  
“Wait, if he’s our dad too why didn’t he ever say he was our dad?” Nerimaru demanded. 

Yea, Yamada, why didn’t you ever say you were their dad after you realized it? Yamada was about to come up with a panicked response but Dana pet Nerimaru’s hair, “Because I asked him not to until we could all be together as a family.” 

“And we’re going to be together as a family now?” 

Dana didn’t immediately say anything. She probably thought this…this was over. Not until she specifically told him to his face. And, regardless… “Yes” Yamada replied. 

She looked up at him, startled. Yamada smiled, “It’ll be tough for a bit but I want all of you to come and stay with Shin and I now. I want all of my children together.” 

Nerimaru’s eyes brightened, looking to Koji, “We can see Shin all the time now, futago.” 

Koji just nodded. Dana stood, “…I’ll be right back, sweeties. A moment, Yamada.”  
  
Yeesh. He nodded also and followed her out of the room. She looked over her shoulder before giving him a hardened expression. “Did you read my letter?”  
  
“Every word, every day.”  
  
“Then you know I ended our relationship” she hissed. 

“…Did you really?”  
  
Her eyes briefly widened. He guessed this could be it, the final ‘we _are_ over’. It’d hurt like hell but it wouldn’t change anything. He…just needed to hear it out of her mouth. 

“L-Look, I don’t have time nor do I think it’s appropriate to discuss our relationship right now. My son—I don’t know what he needs or what I need to do but I need to help him and that has to be my focus” she snapped. 

Yamada scowled, “ _Our_ children. Dana, I am going to be here through this regardless of what is going on between us because these are _our_ children. I am going to be there for Koji while he’s dealing with what he’s going through and that will not change.”  
  
She glared at him. Disbelief, probably. He couldn’t blame her. “I met my father some months ago. Jonathan.”  
  
Dana looked a little startled, “…Oh?”  
  
“Yes. He was upset. And he didn’t know what to do for me but I told him it was too late. It was nothing that was even really his fault because my mother never told him about me. That was out of his control and I really couldn’t think of anything for him to give me. It’s too late” Yamada murmured before looking at her resolutely, “I know exactly what he was feeling now. I feel powerless and stupid and guilty. Everything could have been different. It’s…a sickening feeling. The only difference is…it’s not too late. I want to be here with all of them. Don’t…don’t take that from me, Dana.”  
  
She gazed at him before pushing her hair back, her face twisting with sadness. “…Look at what they’re capable of, Yama. Look. They’ve already had ample opportunity to kill you. That’s why I left, because they may kill you. They may still kill you and what will I say to Shin? To our children? ‘Mama’s family married her to a murderer that killed your father and is responsible for hurting Koji’? I can-I can barely stand looking at Koji. If I’d just been stronger--” 

“Hey, you are the strongest person I know” he muttered, hugging her shoulders, “…Let them come after me. They caught me off guard once but it won’t happen again. You’re not suffering to protect me, Dana, not anymore. Not…not one. More. Time.”  
  
“I--” 

Kissing the top of her head, Yamada took a deep breath. “…I needed this. I’m a minute from cracking. I need to pull it together. You go back to Koji and let me deal with the rest of this, okay? I…I don’t know what you feel about me now but I’ll always love you. Let me take care of this.”  
  
He walked away to not give her a chance to answer because if she told him right now she’d stopped loving him he might fall apart. In time, just…just not today. Not after all this. 

…It was time to make some decisions. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

The yakuza. He wasn’t…certain what to think of…all of them after this. 

People were disgusted, dismayed, when more and more information came out about Kamaishi Domo and his sordid history. It was the sort of thing Yamada dreamed about and it was coming to fruition. If anything about this situation could be called ‘fantastic’, it was that. 

Except…people were people. 

His good friends, the ones like Kari and Mina, Tep, Jum, Roller, Ole, they still spoke to him. There were a few others but people he’d known long enough to at least feel some sort of camaraderie toward, after he left West Wasaba to become a doctor? They were the ones that wanted him to fail. They wanted him back there suffering like they were. The group that saw him as Yamada whether he was in West or North Wasaba, those were his supporters. 

Just like those that heard Domo raped a child and murdered people still supported him. Well, not ‘just like’. That…was a different caliber of person. 

Yamada just finished his slaughter shift, making his way back to Koji’s bedroom where basically they were all living now. Even Shin came to stay which seemed to lift Koji’s spirits a bit. That…that was good. 

It was out of the corner of his eye he saw a suspicious looking guy skulking around the hospital room. He was prepared to go over casually to ask if he could help him with something…until he noticed a gun in his back pocket. 

It took…all it was in him not to go over without a sound and punch his face in. Everything. He struggled with the idea of even calling security because he wanted to make this person, loyal to a person that would harm an innocent child, regret. Regret being born, in fact. 

However, like something out of a drama, Matsushima Shiro just randomly appeared. He walked up to the thug and got right in his face. His expression was like stony ambivalence and his mouth never grew any larger to denote he was yelling. The Domo supporter though, he started to slink back and cower the more Matsushima spoke…before finally quickly walking to the elevators. What? 

Yamada slowly walked over to him as he appeared to be ready to just go back about his business. “What…what was that about?”  
  
“Oh, just misguided youth.”  
  
… “He was a Kamaishi supporter, wasn’t he?”  
  
“Yes, but I made him reconsider that life choice” Matsushima assured, continuing up the hallway. 

Yamada had to follow. “…Domo is in a prison hospital right now, sir. Meaning you had enough affect to put someone above the law in jail that has gotten away with unthinkable things. I’m just a little curious how this came about.”  
  
“Are you more concerned how it was done or that it was done, Yagami?”  
  
“O-Of course I’m _thankful_ ” Yamada insisted quickly, “But can we speak… _conjecturally_ and say how you were able to able to scare him off without committing violence?”  
  
Surprisingly Matsushima laughed, something Yamada was sure had never happened. “Oh Yagami, I swear. Unless you don’t have a choice your words should be your fists.”  
  
…Hmm. “Conjecturally, I may know a man who, stupid and young as that fellow, went to school with a young woman that he found rather attractive and wanted to ‘woo’. That man may have asked what it would take to woo such woman to which she may have said ‘join Yasu-gumi’ as she was a daughter of such a group. Maybe.”  
  
… “This…young man…joined the yakuza because of a girl.”  
  
“Perhaps. He may have done a harmless initiation of playing cards and beating the lead boss then he found himself a member of such an organization. The girl may have begrudgingly dated him before surprisingly seeing something in him. The man could have decided he wanted to be a doctor instead of a lead in this establishment to which the girl may have supported. To keep the family happy, he may do drop in visits to the elders who are fearful of doctors to earn his place there. Maybe.”  
  
…Okay, what the hell? “Matsushima, are you telling me…this _guy_ is a member of the yakuza?”  
  
“Yamada” Matsushima sighed, “I am not going to attempt to rewrite your experiences because, to be honest, they are horrific and no amount of convincing can edit that. That being said, the Yasu-gumi is an actual legitimate organization specializing in disaster work and protecting landowners threatened by large stockholders. I could not be a doctor and attached to a group that murders people like Kamaiji-kai. I mean, that guy.”  
  
This was mindboggling. “So you’re telling me there are _good_ yakuza? Why would they be under a yakuza status then? It’s not really a good title.”  
  
“It’s a very old family, Yamada, it dates back to the 1800s. When you’re that old, it’s hard to distance yourself from your roots. Someone along the line said ‘we’re going to change for the good’ but at the end of the day, certain people hear ‘Yasu-gumi’, they are not going to think ‘organization’ or ‘charity’, they’re going to say ‘yakuza’. It’s just a byproduct of a time gone by.” 

Yamada stared at him. “And…what happened to…that guy and the girl?”  
  
“Eh, she surprisingly decided to marry him and puts up with his shenanigans. She runs a nursery because confusingly she likes children.” 

“…I don’t really know how to feel about this, Matsushima.”  
  
“Yamada, I don’t really need to have your full respect. We all have things we’re not particularly proud of but, fact of the matter is, I am a part of a group that go to flood areas and help people rebuild. They go help old ladies rehouse when they lose their husbands. They make sure the police understand how their jobs are supposed to work when the gold coins in their hand make them dumb. Am I thrilled they go by ‘yakuza’? Of course not. But I can be involved in worse things. Or that guy could be.”  
  
…Oh. “I…I don’t get it. Is Yasu-gumi more influential than Kamaiji?”  
  
“Pfft, don’t make me laugh” Matsushima snorted, “The Kamaiji have been around sixty, seventy years tops versus two hundred years. The police around here can get their palms greased as much as they want but when actual power steps in they’re not legitimately ignorant enough to not listen.” 

…Again, it came back to power. That power that pissed him off as a teenager getting fired from a mechanic shop and the same power that saw to it his son’s rapist actually got in trouble. “…Matsushima, I am appalled to live in a world where the only reason my son may see justice against his attacker is because you have power. I’m not enough. No…normal layman is enough” Yamada glared, “I should have been able to go to the people hired to protect me and say ‘this man needs to be in jail’.”  
  
“The people with the privilege will have to be the one to change that, Yamada. I was no more of a power man than you are before joining but the only way to change the top is to already be there. It’s unfortunate the size of your wallet makes you the one to listen to.”  
  
…If that’s the way the game needs to be played, so be it. He’d play. “…Matsushima, thank you for…conjecturally telling me.”  
  
“I know it changes your opinion of me, Yamada, but, believe it or not, I could have left I just…really couldn’t see life without her. I have my weaknesses.” 

Yamada’s eyes widened as the man waved over his shoulder, going around the corner. 

…Having to smile sadly, he walked back toward the room. No…if that were the case, Yamada didn’t think negatively of him at all because, despite a few differences, their scenarios were one and the same. 

“Yamada!!”  
  
He jolted, panicked, when Dana immediately screamed when he entered the room. His first thought was to go into medical alert mode. However, she was just…angry, he guessed. “Dana, jeez, don’t give me a heart attack. What’s wrong?”  
  
“The lawyers want Koji to testify. How dare they?” she balled her fists, “Hasn’t he been through enough to-to be put through torture in front of hundreds of people?!”  
  
…Oh. Yamada looked over to Koji who was staring at the ceiling. He hadn’t been talking much which Dana was crying about due to it being ‘abnormal’. He…he was probably just accepting the feeling that he was safe now. 

“What did Koji say?”  
  
“Koji? I’m not _letting_ him get on the stand, Yamada!”  
  
Yamada raised a brow, glancing to the other children. Shin and Nerimaru were asleep as were the babies. Only Koji was up at one in the morning. Just... “Dana, Koji deserves a say in this. I don’t recommend it but if he wants to get up there and let the world know what that man did then he has every right to.”  
  
“ _No_.”  
  
Why was she so adamant? Yamada slowly walked over to Koji, taking a seat, “Hey, Koji. How are you today?”  
  
“I’m all right.”  
  
“Good, good. I’m glad you’re feeling better” Yamada smiled, “Did you hear what your mommy and I were talking about?”  
  
“Yamada--” 

“Yes” Koji answered softly. 

Exactly. Dana was probably yelling at the lawyer in the room too and Koji heard everything then. He got it. Koji was a child and he shouldn’t have been put in this very adult situation and having to make this decision. That being said, he had. And hearing his mother say he ‘couldn’t’…it wasn’t going to help with him understanding he had choices in his life. That had already been stolen from him once. 

“Koji, I don’t want you to think you have to, okay? I only want you to do what it is you want. What I want is you to really think about it and know that it is something you get to choose to do. People want to know what Domo did to you. But if you decide that’s not their business, that is all you have to say. It may be scary, there’ll be people asking you questions and being mean, but if you want to say something, you have the right to say it.”  
  
“…What do you want, mommy?” 

Yamada tried not to shoot her a look. Koji was concerned about troubling her because she’d made her position very strong already. He expected her to say ‘you’re not doing it’ again. 

She walked over, petting Koji’s hair back with a gentle smile, “…Like daddy said, it’s not what mommy wants, sweetie, it’s what you want. We’re here with you either way.”  
  
Koji looked exhausted and fell quiet for some minutes before returning his gaze to the ceiling. “…Can I think about it some more?”  
  
“Of course” Dana murmured.  
  
She kissed his forehead, telling him he should rest. They gave him a full checkup while he was here and…and it was horrible. Apparently the Kamaishi didn’t believe in doctors so they had something like a family physician. Clearly he gave little attention to Koji’s condition as he was anemic, his immune system didn’t seem like it could handle much of anything even minor, and he was a bit underweight. The…heart murmur wasn’t much better. Not to mention just…just everything else. 

“Yamada, a moment.”  
  
She was going to yell at him. They hadn’t been agreeing on a whole lot the last few days. Last night she told him she had no intention of telling him about Jill or Tony, a very…angry point. The night before, she didn’t want Koji to speak to the psychologist. Why? “ _What will speaking about it do for him?! All-All he’ll do is remember it!”  
  
_ This was the tossup Yamada couldn’t answer. It was true, everything that had happened in his life he didn’t like talking about. Despite Craig advising he needed to seek therapy for what happened five years ago, he never did. Nowadays he wondered if he’d still wake up, paralyzed, if he had just taken that advice. Nonetheless, did…did he feel like talking about it? No. 

Just…that was it, they didn’t _ask_ Koji what he wanted. He may want to tell them about it and, yes, it would be traumatic and heartbreaking but there was so little they could offer him but their compassion. Dana…Dana didn’t see it that way?  
  
“You know, you are going about this entirely differently than I would imagine _you_ would” Dana said once they were in the hallway, their point of argument. 

“Dana” he started calmly, “You know me. You know I hate talking about my traumas or trying to deal with them—I am like a closed book. However, that is _me_ and that is _not_ what I want for our children. I don’t want them to lock everything inside. And Koji has had all his conscious decisions ripped from him so we need to establish that he can make decisions about his life.”  
  
Dana stared at him for a long moment…before looking away. Yamada bit his lip, “Look, Dana, I--” 

“You…are right, Yamada. I just…I just don’t want to make him think about suffering. I don’t want him to think about-about any of this. I just want my little boy to be a little boy and instead this— _this_.” 

…Yes. “Dana, he should speak to a therapist.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“Because he’ll need to express himself to someone, Dana, somehow that can channel his feelings into healthier responses. We can’t leave that untreated.”  
  
She just looked skeptical. It…it wasn’t uncommon to view mental health as hokey or unnecessary, especially then. Psychiatry and psychology signified some sort of weakness to some people and if he were perfectly frank he might have thought the same thing of himself. He needed it but…but it felt like something he ought to have been able to do on his own. Is that what Dana wanted for Koji though? 

Suddenly Dana started rubbing her shoulder, her face screwing up as if she were in pain. He’d noticed that over the last few days. Yamada scowled and pulled her into an empty room gently. “Let me see.”  
  
“What?” 

“Your shoulder.”  
  
Dana quietly sat down on the table as he slowly opened her dress. He swallowed a hard lump, the flesh an angry red and numbing blue. “They…they hit me with a bat or something after we left from the conference” she murmured. 

He’d kill all of them if he could. Examining it to make sure there wasn’t anything broken, he growled before grabbing an ice pack from storage. He held it to her shoulder as gingerly as possible. That…that part was done. Yamada rested his hand against her healing cheek, gazing at her. No longer were they hurting his wife. 

There was literally no situation where it was appropriate but she kissed his palm. And then he leaned in and kissed her. He felt gross and exhausted after a long day in the hospital but she asked if he had the car. He said ‘yes’ and eventually they were in his car having sex. It…was not an appropriate time but it felt good. 

…It’d take a while for anything else to follow that track. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_“…Dad.”  
  
It had caught him entirely off guard. Dana had taken Shin and Nerimaru to get some ice cream as the two were understandably stir crazy. Pretty soon the hospital would be releasing Koji. The problem was they had nowhere to go. He couldn’t go back to the apartment with them now, who knew if Matsushima’s influence would extend that far? No, he…he had to make moves and start fresh. It was happening quicker than he wanted but he’d have to do what was right. _

_Just, what he wasn’t expecting was Koji calling him ‘dad’._

_He turned, surprised. Koji wasn’t looking much better, not the way Yamada would want. He was still pale and sickly and he looked…drained. It was like he wasn’t getting any sleep at all. Sometimes he’d just happen to stir at four in the morning and find Koji staring into space, wide awake. What…what could he do for him? This…this child that didn’t know him but was calling him ‘dad’ now._

_“Do you not want me to call you that?”  
  
Yamada yelped, “N-No, I-I do. I-I just wasn’t expecting I gained that title yet.” _

_Like that’d make sense. Alas, Koji smiled for maybe the tenth time in a week and a half. “You’re weird, y’know?”  
  
Yamada pouted at that but came over to sit beside him. Koji was looking toward the window, seeming to be in thought. “…I think I want to say something. I saw a crime show once with… ‘lawyers’. The people tell what the other person did wrong to put them in jail. I’ll have to do that.”  
  
“I think that’s a very mature way to look at it, Koji. But you don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable doing. Do you **want** to?” _

_“…No” Koji murmured, the saddest expression on his face, “I don’t want anything.”_

_Yamada digested that before Koji’s eyes closed some, “That’s not true either. I’m lying. I’m sorry.”  
  
“You have nothing to be sorry for. What is it that you’d like, Koji?”  
  
“Dying means you don’t get to be here anymore, right? That sounds good.”  
  
Yamada had to keep a stable face. This was no time for him to falter. “…If I promise you that it’ll get better, Koji, will you believe me? There…there are going to be so many bumps and pain you’ll face growing up but will you believe me when I say it can get better? That…that you can find happiness? I…I never thought I’d be happy either. I…I gave up too. But now, I…I have you all and everything is better. You’re what I live for.”  
  
“What do I live for?”  
  
“I dunno yet. Maybe…maybe you can find it in your heart to stick around and find out?”  
  
“…Okay. Dad?”  
  
“Yes, son?”  
  
“…I want Domo to go to prison and suffer. I’ll talk.”  
  
Dana was devastated he decided to go on the stand. He was proud of Koji for his strength. _

_And that…that was all. For, when that day came about three weeks later, that was the only good part about it. Koji looked so tiny walking to the stand, pictures being snapped incessantly by the media. To that point, it all made Yamada want to burn this place to smithereens, how they spoke of what an ‘upstanding citizen’ Domo was and how he could never commit such a vile act. That’s what a defense was supposed to do but to have a lie come from that deep a pit in hell was criminal in itself._

_Koji…destroyed all of it._

_“What’s your name?” questioned the defense._

_“Koji Rin Yagami.”  
  
Yamada swallowed. The prosecutor ate that up. “Yagami? Were you not a Kamaishi?”  
  
“I’m with my real dad now. Yagami.”  
  
Koji was so matter of fact. It alarmed Dana but Yamada found it kind of cute. _

_“Yagami-san, you know that it’s been said that Kamaishi Domo, the one you were living with, hurt you?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“Now, you’re saying you’re with your ‘real dad’ now. Since Domo’s not your real dad, maybe you just think he was hurting you because he was disappointed you weren’t his?”  
  
What the hell kind of reasoning—that was the hardest part, being a spectator while these people asked foolish and ignorant questions. “No sir, I don’t think he cared we weren’t his.”  
  
“Now, what would make you say that?”  
  
“He told us.”  
  
“Well…” the lawyer drawled, “Maybe you misunderstood--”  
  
“No, he was understandable, sir. He said ‘I don’t care that you’re not mine’. He said he didn’t care if we were his.”  
  
The lawyer seemed a wee bit thrown off Koji was so…resolute. Koji wasn’t naïve of the circumstances. In Wasaba they may even describe it as streetwise. Yamada…hadn’t wanted that for his son. _

_“Very well. You told the police that Kamaishi-san was hurting you. How did he hurt you?”  
  
That’s…where Yamada almost lost his insides because the word ‘rape’ didn’t establish what happened to Koji in his perception. Rape was an all-encompassing idea that placed a hurtful act behind a series of letters. Koji told them what he actually did. _

_‘He used to tie me up’…was the only thing Yamada was uncomfortable even recounting. Koji went into such detail that everyone in the jury and audience was twisting and whispering in horror with discomfort. Dana was in shambles._

_…He kept a brave face though he knew the second this recessed he would vomit but Koji needed to see one supportive face in this crowd. Yamada watched as Koji suddenly became aware that Domo was sitting right there several feet away from him. He could actually feel the panic in his being and that he was starting to breathe hard. Enough. Enough._

_“I have no more questions” the lawyer suddenly said softly.  
  
Their lawyer also quickly relayed the same. To think a lawyer would be sympathetic. The judge also gently asked Koji to step down. Koji was as frozen as Yamada was coming out of a nightmare. _

_Yamada went to the stand and picked Koji up, hugging him tightly and whispering to him that he did a good job. He started to walk back and his eyes moved to stare at…it._

_Domo was smiling as he looked back. If Dana had come with him, Yamada would have handed Koji to her and went to beat the living shit out of him._

_But Koji was crying wretchedly into his shirt, the very first overwhelming emotion that had come out of the little boy and he couldn’t think of his bloodlust now. Dana rushed to them and took Koji away, holding and rocking him as he cried in agony._

_He…should have never promised Matsushima._

_Domo would get out. There was no guarantee that the Kamaiji-kai didn’t outweigh Yasa-gumi in here. There was no way it would be that easy to put this monster in jail when half this jury was probably paid off. Yes, they looked disgusted and one women even rushed out to puke but that didn’t mean anything when they had a million gold piece check sitting at home saying to vote otherwise._

_Power…was corrupt._

_Yamada gave Domo that savage expression Dana said he’d given the night Hisakawa antagonized him. He knew it because he could feel it this time. It felt like ice and burning. He…shouldn’t have made that promise._

_“Kamaishi-san, how do you answer to these allegations?” asked the judge._

_The lawyer look prepared to say ‘not guilty’. That’s what he was supposed to do, after all, and what he’d done when this started. The judge was only asking because they were horrid accusations. He should want to say ‘I’m innocent’._

_“I did it.”  
  
…What?  
  
The whole entire courtroom went mad. Even Domo’s loyalist cronies looked appalled. The judge slammed his gavel, having to take five minutes to bring order. Domo’s lawyer looked flabbergasted at his client. Domo looked nonplussed and Yamada would never want anyone in this life dead more. _

_“K-Kamaishi-san” the judge stammered, “This-this is not a light set of events brought against you. You are admitting that everything that poor child say is true.”  
  
“I did.”  
  
Dana looked up, her teeth gritted tightly. Yamada…didn’t know what to feel. Yes, he was consumed with rage that he did this to any child but especially his. Just…for him to admit it that easily? There was no plea bargain put on this table, they said if he was found guilty, it was a mandatory sixty years in jail, no question. The judge apparently also didn’t know how to take this. “V-Very well. I-I will allow the jurors to convene.”  
  
…They all slumped out of the room, apparently very troubled. Right. Domo could say that he did it but they could still come back with ‘not guilty’. Right. That’s how power worked. That’s…that’s what Domo wanted to show him. _

_Yamada had felt dead inside._

_It took about three hours. Dana consoled Koji enough that he fell asleep, his pale face red and blotchy. Yamada leaned over and kissed the top of his head, promising that no one would hurt him again with the addition of ‘daddy will take care of this’._

_Dana had given him a look about his statement but leaned into his side, the despair in her essence so tangible it was its own entity. He couldn’t believe this. He just couldn’t._

_He looked up, numbed, when the jurors came back, retaking their seats. The judge stared at them hard. He’d probably sat through many a trial like this that would ignore all evidence and due process and say that a bastard like Domo was not guilty. Then, when a commoner like Yamada came to finish the job he’d be put in jail for killing the innocent. So be it._

_“What say you?” questioned the judge gravely._

_The lead juror fearfully looked back to the others. The commoners would riot. To think this man got away with everything, including saying he’d raped a child. Admitted to it. They’d be ostracized for all eternity but with that million pieces what did that matter to them?_

_Dana slipped her hand into his, her palm sweaty. Maybe she had hope. He didn’t._

_“I-In the case of-of Kamaishi Domo, we-we found the defendant…”_

_The juror had the nerve to take a minute to let out a miserable exhale. Just say ‘not guilty’, you miserable piece of shit. Matsushima was wrong. Yes, it was the wealthy and powerful privileged ones that made these rules but the second their wealth and privilege became available to the common man, the tide changed so easily. This…cycle belonged to everyone. Except him._

_“We find the defendant guilty” the jury blurted._

_The courtroom erupted in shocked cries and whispers of delight and horror. Yamada hadn’t heard right, what did she say? Dana looked shocked before also looking to him for answers. Did…_

_…Did they just say ‘guilty’? Did they…did they actually find that bastard guilty?_

_“Order, order” said the judge. He was deadpan but the satisfaction was clear in his eyes, “The defendant will serve sixty years in prison, no probation. And, Kamaishi-san, I would recommend not spewing off your criminal act ivies too often in prison. They don’t care for your type there.”_

_Guilty?_

_“Yamada” Dana had wept, “Oh, Yamada, they-they put—they put him away! They actually put him away!!”  
  
He hugged her as she dissolved into weeping in his arms, glancing toward Domo. He…he couldn’t see his face as he was toted off in cuffs. Not right away. Before he disappeared for over half a century, Domo looked back at him coolly like the night he said they’d meet again. And they’d finish this. _

_…Yea. Yea, they would. But not today._

_Today…they won._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

…Not really. 

Yagami Yamada sat in the hotel room he’d secured close to Hondo. He was glad he didn’t have to be in school much versus the hospital because…he wouldn’t have been able to do it. 

Koji stopped eating. They could do nothing to convince him. He had lost ten pounds already even though he was underweight to begin with. Dana pleaded with him but he refused. He just… 

…He guessed Koji didn’t care to see if it got better. And he guessed, at the end of the day, what did ‘justice’ mean? There was no happy here. It still happened and that…that, Koji would have to live with for the rest of his life. _  
_  
Ayame thankfully came by to take Shin out and offered to take Nerimaru. Nerimaru had initially refused, saying he wouldn’t go unless Koji went. Naturally, that wasn’t going to happen. Koji hadn’t moved out of bed in three weeks as was. He tried though, going up to Koji and pulling his arm. 

“C’mon, Koji! Let’s go get some ice cream!”  
  
Koji didn’t say anything, just staring at the ceiling. Nerimaru was nothing if not adamant. “ _C’mon,_ Koji!”  
  
Nerimaru started speaking to him in that secret code of theirs. Yamada had started to wonder what made them develop something that intricate when they were only four years old. Were…were they discussing something they didn’t want anyone to hear? Domo…? 

Alas, in this case, Koji didn’t respond and Nerimaru suddenly teared up. “Y-You’re just being a meanie! I hate you!”  
  
Yamada grimaced, about to chastise Nerimaru. He…was still getting used to having multiple children. Shin and Nerimaru together were kind of a different sort of handful than just Shin. However, Nerimaru ran out of the room in quite the panic. Kids, man… 

Shockingly though, Koji, for the first time since the trial, started to sit up and looked dismayed. He…he tried to move and almost fell out of the bed. Yamada quickly went to his side to lean him up. “Hey, hey--” 

“Neri…Neri’s such a baby…” Koji said weakly, grabbing his hand. 

“Well, he doesn’t like seeing you like this” Yamada murmured, getting him settled back in place. “We all don’t like seeing you like this.”  
  
Koji blinked at him absently. That probably didn’t mean a whole lot to him. Clearing his throat, Yamada patted his knee. This was the first time Koji had even attempted to talk in three weeks either. “…You know, daddy…daddy had a lot of things that happened to him that made him sad. It…it was very different from what you went through and it’s…it won’t compare. But it makes me feel bad. When I sleep especially. Daddy…doesn’t tell anyone about it. But if you want, you can tell me about anything that makes you feel sad.”  
  
As he expected, Koji just fell silent so he guessed it was too good to be true. Yamada sat beside him regardless, reading from one of his textbooks. Dana was off doing something or the other, having left early this morning after taking a phone call. They hadn’t really been talking a lot themselves and she was looking pretty worn down but that was understandable. 

“What makes you sad?”  
  
Yamada jumped, almost yelping. Looking around, he realized it would have to be Koji. Looking to his son, Yamada found he wasn’t even staring in his direction. Maybe…he wasn’t talking to him? “W-Well, me? I…”  
  
… “…I had a really good friend, someone I grew up with since I was little boy. He…he kind of did the wrong things and I…I tried to help him. He didn’t…he didn’t want help though. He just…wanted to do the wrong thing. And…and because I didn’t save him from the wrong thing, he…he ended up dying. And I…I couldn’t save him.”  
  
So simplistic. So very simple. Suddenly Koji’s tiny hand touched his, “…I don’t want to make you sad.”  
  
Eh?? Yamada quickly wiped his eyes, alarmed he’d actually shed some tears, “N-No, no, I-I’m fine. That’s-that’s what I mean, Koji, I-I think…I think we’re similar. We don’t want to share our sadness with others but…I think it’s okay sometimes.”  
  
That was the thing about his son. Koji had been elusive from the day they met again but he tried. He always tried. He told him about the first time it happened. He told him how Domo would beat his mama pretty much just so Koji would ask her to leave so it could happen. Koji always asked her to leave even when he wanted her to stay but that Domo hurting her made him ‘sadder’. Or he thought. He said it all made him sad. He told him that he did think about jumping out of the mansion because he’d seen one of Domo’s workers have to do it after he did something wrong. When Nerimaru asked what he was doing, he remembered that it’d be Nerimaru that would have to take over for him so that’s why he came back in. Then just recently Domo said ‘Jill is next’ so Koji said he really couldn’t jump then. 

“You have to protect the girls” Koji whispered as if he figured Jill might hear and know what he was saying. 

“Why is that?” Yamada murmured. 

“Because the bad people are meaner to the girls.”  
  
Very much true. Yamada was just…amazed Koji could articulate it that way considering everything that had happened to _him_. It…was a sort of reluctance to praise Koji. He did such a brave thing. A _tremendously_ brave thing, just…to praise someone for taking all the suffering so no one else around them had to? 

…Yea. “Koji, I wish it didn’t have to happen but…but you did a very selfless thing for other people and I’m just…I don’t know if I could have done it. You’re a very good person.”  
  
“Where’d it get us? Being good people?” 

Huh. Yamada leaned on his palm and blinked slowly at Koji. After some slight deliberation, Yamada smiled slightly. “Here, I guess.”  
  
Koji’s eyes briefly widened before he actually nodded. “…Yea, that makes sense.”  
  
Yamada sighed when Jill and Tony made it perfectly clear they were awake and ready for attention. Man, he had five children. Going over to get them both, he moved them to bed with Koji while he made their bottles. “…Dad?”  
  
Looking over his shoulder, he tilted his head at Koji. He was letting Jill and Tony hold his fingers. “Yes, Koji?”  
  
“I don’t think I’ll ever be happy. But I do feel a little less unhappy now.” 

…He swallowed hard, forcing a shaky smile, “I-I’m glad. And I’ll-I’ll be gladder when you find something that makes you happy. I know it exists.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
Yamada took a deep breath and asked Koji if he would just consider a little bit of miso. Koji relented to a little bit and Yamada was grateful things were looking up. 

Not really. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_…What?_

_Dana was humming as she rocked the fussy Tony around midnight. They were sitting outside since all of the children, even Koji, were sleeping soundly. Koji and Nerimaru even made up, Koji saying he’d try to get better to go for ice cream next time. Nerimaru and Shin were pleased about this and…and so was Yamada._

_Then Dana came back._

_She’d asked Yamada after the children went to bed to come out on the balcony of their hotel. He hadn’t dared because they were ample target for any of Domo’s supporters. Surprisingly, however, those ‘supporters’ were far and in between, especially as more charges were being brought against the family. Recently they even charged some of Dana’s maiden’s family with criminal involvement with the Kamaiji. Her mother gave the brisk statement she had no daughter. Good. Keep it that way._

_This would have all been so different if that woman had let Dana make choices. It would have been different if she weren’t blinded by shady benefits and greed. Tradition, she might even call it. Had she just let Dana run her affairs, it would have all been so different._

_And somehow, after all this, the apple wasn’t miles from the tree like it ought to have been._

_“Dana, what…what are you saying?”  
  
“I spoke with one of the doctors. He’s studied in repressive therapy.”  
  
Yamada glared, “Dana, there is no such thing. Repressing is not ‘therapy’. I spoke with Koji today and he is feeling better. We just need to take this a step at a time.”  
  
“How long?” Dana demanded quietly, “How long will he be depressed and wishing he’ll die? How long will he just decide to stop eating and waste away? When will he forget? When will he move on?”  
  
“With TIME” Yamada insisted again, “Time we have not even given him. This has been going on for little over a year, we can’t expect it to disappear in a month or so.”  
  
“We can’t risk that, Yamada. We can’t. We don’t know what stage he’ll reach or what he’ll do. We don’t know if he’ll get over it or not. We just can’t and I will not let my son suffer. This doctor has dozens of patients where he has been able to take out particular memories through therapy--” _

_“What kind of therapy, Dana?” he hissed. He couldn’t believe this was even on the table, “I have been studying the brain most of my school career, Dana, there is no particularly ‘safe’ methods of altering its activity and that’s setting aside the ethics of the matter.”  
  
Dana glowered, curling the dozing Tony to her chest, “You’re worried about ethics?”  
  
“I’m worried about our son.”  
  
She looked down at Tony before looking to him solemnly, “Will you ever be able to forget February 12th _ _h_ _, 1980?”  
  
“That is entirely different.”  
  
“Is it? You and our son didn’t face some traumatic event that lingers in your subconscious? You don’t think about all those people that lost their lives? About Shin? Are you saying, if it’s available, you wouldn’t take the chance to forget?”  
  
Yamada stared at her. He didn’t say anything. Logically he’d be insane to say anything other than ‘yes, I’d like to forget’. Otherwise he’d be saying he wanted to continue waking up in cold terrorized paralysis or feeling endless guilt for the things he couldn’t change. It was illogical to say he wouldn’t take that chance. Just… _

_“He deserves the same chances all of them have, Yamada. There-there’s no reason for him to suffer like this. This man promises he can fix it and I’ve seen the evidence I need to go through with it comfortably. And…and I want us to go into this united but I will do what I have to.”  
  
…Didn’t…didn’t it matter what Koji wanted though? What did this entail? Would this just…disappear? How could it? And, if such a magical thing did exist, what would Koji…think? Would the day before his first assault blend into the day he met him? Wouldn’t…wouldn’t there be so many…holes? _

_Dana looked at him pleadingly. He was against it. Entirely. He just quietly bent though. She was insistent that Koji wouldn’t make it and the appointment was for tomorrow. There was no time to lose._

_And, for that day, Yamada wanted to say she was entirely wrong because Koji had made such a breakthrough talking to him. Just, the day of the appointment, Koji refused to talk, eat, or move again like none of that ever happened. Yamada…had wanted a miracle. His poor son cried when Dana had to carry him out of bed and get him bathed and dressed. She kept saying ‘you’ll feel better soon’._

_Yamada stayed with the children. He wanted to go down and see the lunatic that was going to ‘fix everything’. It had to be a hoax. If it wasn’t, what sort of mad science was he doing? Was Koji going to be the same AT ALL? Yamada…was so angry. Dana processed trauma differently, she just had to, else she’d understand this…this wasn’t the way. Koji…Koji just needed time, not instant ‘miracles’._

_“Dad” Nerimaru said, watching cartoons with Shin, “Mama said when Koji gets back we can’t talk about Domo ever again. Why?”  
  
… “…Because it’ll be bad for Koji to remember” he said quietly, working on a thesis paper. _

_“Okay. I won’t talk about him never, ever, again.”  
  
Yes, repress it in all of the children. Let them be the keeper of Koji’s memories that were going to supposedly be taken away. They’d know. Shin had heard enough from other people to know perfectly what was going on. He felt sad for Koji. “Maybe I could have protected him if I was there.”  
  
This…this wasn’t the way to go about this. It would never be right this way. It would always be a phantom in their family and the main victim would only feel its presence. All of them would know and how…how was that any better? _

_It was December 28_ _th_ _, 1985, when Yagami Koji came back at around four pm. Yamada would always recall jumping to his feet, horrified something had happened to his son. Koji walked in on his own two feet as opposed to when he and Dana left. He looked nonplussed and even a little chipper. He greeted him with ‘hi, dad’. How…did he remember him as ‘dad’? What was causing that connection?_

_And they all decided to go out and get a meal, the first meal they’d had anywhere outside as a family. Shin wanted teriyaki so they agreed to that. Koji ravenously ate, mentioning he was ‘really hungry’. Dana smiled and said to eat to his heart’s content. Yamada…Yamada wanted to know if he realized he really hadn’t been eating for near a month. Or…to him, was he just weirdly hungry?_

_Yamada could only sit on the couch of the hotel and watch as his three walking sons ran around gleefully, chasing one another. Koji would have to stop every few paces, saying he was out of breath because, naturally, he was still weak. Dana expressed that they should do something calm until he felt better. Did…did he just accept that he was feeling under the weather and not the why? Didn’t it…didn’t it bother him not knowing?_

_More importantly, why had this seemed to work?_

_He wanted to run to the hospital and demand to Matsushima in what way possible could over a year of trauma be deleted in a matter of hours. It was not even slightly plausible in anything he learned. He should demand to know who this doctor was so he could see what magic he was doing to accomplish this if it could be called an ‘accomplishment’. Yamada gazed at his son._

_This…this wasn’t right_ . _The experience was horrific. Demonic, even, if he wanted to go in that direction. But…now he wasn’t certain who this child was now. He…he did seem like a normal child now, what Dana wanted, but…it was like a missing paragraph in a book and it felt like a lost connection._

_Yamada did smile when Koji came and sat beside him, looking up at him with those dark eyes. “What are you, dad?”  
  
“What am I?”  
  
“Yea. Jilly and Tony are the only yellow hair people I know. Everyone else has black hair. And your eyes are blue.”  
  
“Well, my dad is from America. My mom is from here. I guess I look more like my dad than mom.”  
  
“Are we America?”  
  
Yamada mused, “Hmm, I guess you’re a little American.”  
  
“Okay. I will learn English since I’m a little American” Koji nodded. _

_He chuckled, “Sounds like a plan.”  
  
…That’s what a four-year-old should sound like. Yamada patted his head as he ran off to rejoin Nerimaru and Shin. That’s right. He…he shouldn’t sound like a traumatized adult. He was…he was practically still a baby. This…this was what was normal. _

_Just...was it…really this simple? He…he couldn’t imagine losing his pain and suffering. He couldn’t imagine it’d be that simple._

_…Was it…really this easy to erase everything?_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

“You have to be kidding.”  
  
Dana was stretched out in bed on her side, staring at Yamada miserably. She _had_ to be kidding. 

Twice. Kind of sort of three times. The last time this made any practical sense to him was with Koji and Nelly, at least that was three _days_. Three _sort of_ times and she was _pregnant_? 

Six. _Six children_. Six children while he still had two years to go. Six children when his chosen field was surgery. He’d be out of the house all times of night and day and he might never see his half a dozen kids. Or God help them, maybe it’d be _seven_. Three sets of twins! Might as well! And to top it all off, they were still living out of a hotel!  
  
Dana gazed at him sleepily as she sat up, rubbing her stomach. “…I don’t want to get rid of it.”  
  
“I don’t want you to either! What I want is for us to time travel and wear a condom!”  
  
Dana smirked lightly at him, patting his hand, “Let’s just make this the last one. I’ll get my tubes tied. I think six should tie us over. At least two of them will have kids if we start getting antsy, right?”  
  
“We are not talking about being grandparents yet” he sulked, reaching out and stroking her hair back, “…Just…just take it easy for me, okay? I’ll get this right.”  
  
“I know you will.”  
  
Well, at least one of them did. Kissing her forehead, he directed her to lie back down. He just got off from work to this at midnight. His already bountiful brood was asleep except for Jill, his insomniac of the week. Tony and she took turns, after all. Going over to pick her up and give her some kisses, he opened the paper to look in the house ads. House, ha. They needed a mansion. Six kids. Go back to when Dana and he first met and told him he’d have six children, he’d have died of laughter then and there. 

Jill gabbled at him and he bit his lip. It had to be somewhere safe. He…he didn’t want it anywhere near Dana’s old family or the Kamaishi’s. Thing was, this…this was going to be his first home. His first _real_ home. This needed to be an actual settlement, he couldn’t move his kids every few years because the rent was up or something like that. He…he wanted to be settled after everything that had happened. It’s…it’s what his family needed. 

Yamada glanced to Koji who was nestled up with Nerimaru. It was odd to see at first but they’d actually kind of cuddle up. Dana reported they’d done that since they were babies. It was sort of touching to see them so close to one another. It…it was a little odd to see Koji so…rejuvenated but he needed to digest that maybe…this was a forced miracle. 

One issue at a time, Yamada. He hummed to Jill as he flipped the pages. Really, he didn’t know much about this type of thing though. Never did he think he’d be a homeowner or at least attempt to be. 

…Well, maybe. Wandering to the phone, he took it as far outside as he could and dialed the personal line number he had on a slip of paper in his wallet. It was one in the morning so there was a good chance. 

“Hello?”  
  
“Huh, didn’t figure you’d actually be awake, Izumi. Or hope I didn’t wake you.”  
  
“Yagami! No, no, I don’t sleep anymore, man, Cliff’s revved up to a hundred every night around now” Craig groaned, “What’s going on?” 

Yamada raised a brow, hearing the squeals of a child in the background. Craig kind of threw him a bit when he actually agreed to live in East Wasaba at Kira’s request. Didn’t she understand that…she could have better? Craig had a mansion in the not bad part of town. Craig did barter that they live in at least the upper crust end of Wasaba but still. Yamada…Yamada had to get out. 

Looking down at Jill, he sighed, “I need a house, man. I just found out Dana’s pregnant.”  
  
“I…beg your pardon?”  
  
Yamada groaned. “Dude, what does that put you at at the golden age of 25? Six kids? Jesus, man, slow down.”  
  
“Unfortunately I now have the grand honor of none of my children being planned” Yamada droned, “But obviously I can’t keep staying in a hotel room. I need to put down roots and it can’t be Wasaba. Just can’t.”  
  
“I feel you, man. I dunno if I can stay here much longer either, they keep stealing my radio. And that’s nothing compared to your reasons but where I’m from, my radios are considered crap.”  
  
Yamada snickered, “You better hope that’s all they steal.”  
  
“C’mere, rascal” Craig grunted, sounding like he’d caught his son, “What about Subami?”  
  
“I can’t live anywhere near Dana’s old family or the Kamaishi clan, Craig.”  
  
Craig yawned, “I’ll let you in on the Subami times, Yamada: they’ve separated.”  
  
“Separated?”  
  
“You have Subami, what you’re familiar with, and then you have the olden part, the one with the old junk houses and the old money types, like the Kobayashi and Kamaishi, which they’ve dubbed themselves ‘Wensington’. Gated and crap stuff, man, they wouldn’t let you in if you wanted to” Craig explained. 

Oh. “So…Subami is new money, I take it.”  
  
“Yep, you got it. It’s far from all that, at least thirty minutes. And there’s a lot of nice, _big_ houses like the ones you’ll need for your army.”  
  
Smirking, Yamada stood as far as the phone would let him and stared out at the twilight. “…What do I do? Do I need a mortgage?”  
  
He could’ve called his dad, he realized. This was probably the sort of thing he should reach out to a parent for. But really, every last dime he had in savings would need to go toward the house and he’d _have_ to call in that furnishing favor. For all he knew, that wasn’t going to happen either. Just…he didn’t feel comfortable pressing him. 

…Subami, huh? He’d have never even thought. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_“Yamada…it’s…really big.”_

_“Haven’t heard that in a while.”  
  
He smiled as Dana punched his hip, “You are so bad. I am talking about this monstrosity you’re considering seriously.” _

_It was absolutely perfect._

_It had about four entries, an unfinished basement, three levels with three different wings, tons of bathrooms and bedrooms. The master was bigger than all of his apartments combined—it had a breakfast nook, whatever that was! And while all the yards of the neighboring houses looked so manicured and faked, the outside area looked so naturally beautiful. It was magnificent._

_This morning, while everyone was resting and he was too wound up, he got up and went out with Craig. The man drove him around to a few areas and it was this one—this one, that made Yamada pause. He could see his family here. It was at the best location, nowhere near any sordid relatives and around all the best shopping and schools. It was about a fifteen, twenty minute drive from the hospital but he could accept that._

_Except, at the time, he scoffed and said this was far out of his price range. Craig had gave him a look, “Give me a rough estimate of how much you’ve saved, Yamada.”  
  
He’d actually started saving the day Hisakawa put him out of the Shin affair. He put down about 1500 per check initially and when he could he’d put in a lot more. So, as of right now, “Around 600,000. A little more.”  
  
“Holy crap, man. Let’s get you this house.”  
  
Ha, what? This house was 8,000,000 gold pieces. Yamada would laugh at anyone trying to offer six hundred. “All right, you’re right, let’s make sure the logistics are right. Your credit is good, right?”  
  
“Pretty much immaculate.”  
  
“So I help you negotiate out a two percent mortgage at most, you’ll be paying about 21,000, 22,000 gold pieces a month on a thirty year loan. Can you pull that?”  
  
“…Yea.” He was making a lot more than he used to, that’s for sure. _

_“You have to count in utilities and taxes and all that crap but I think you’ll be fine. Plus, I’m master haggler, I’ll get the price down.”  
  
So, now all he needed was the go ahead from Dana. Craig had gotten the realtor to agree to 7,500,000 and the bank agreed to one percent rate for thirty years. She looked around, rubbing her arm, “It’s…it’s really nice, Yamada, but…”  
  
“Baby, I have all the money plotted out” Yamada gushed, turning to her, “We can move in in two weeks. I’ll have the furniture by then and we can all move into our home. Just think, a nursery for my next little girl--”  
  
“Our genetics are definitely leaning ‘boy’, Yamada.”  
  
“—We have FOUR boys, we can’t hope for five! What do you think?”  
  
He remembered Dana was so enthralled about them finding a house together when they first were awaiting Shin’s arrival. She was excited. She just seemed…drained about the whole thing now. He was excited… _

_“We don’t have to” he murmured, feeling…well, very disappointed, “I don’t think you want this.”  
  
“Of course I want a home for our children, Yamada” Dana said quickly, “But-but look at the area we’re in. This may be ‘new money’ but people will still talk. I was-I was hoping we’d be able to just start over somewhere completely fresh.”  
  
Oh. Well, that made sense. “It might…it might take a while, I have to finish school.”  
  
“I know. And you also promised Matsushima that you’d stay for twenty years”, Dana groaned. “I guess we are stuck.”  
  
“Well don’t say it like THAT. If we’re stuck that’s all my fault” Yamada pouted. _

_She smiled for the first time in hours, kissing him gingerly, “You have done everything and more. You did exactly what I asked and I can’t ask for more. Let ‘em talk, it’s no business of theirs. We may have to homeschool Koji for a while…”  
  
Oh. “We…we can do that. At least until all the hoopla dies down.”  
  
Dana nodded solemnly, placing her hands on her flat stomach. “…So…this is the Yagami home, huh?”  
  
“Yea” Yamada smiled, hugging her waist, “Dana?”  
  
“Yes, Yama?” she blinked.  
  
“Will you…remarry me?”  
  
She stared up at him before looking down, “…I dunno if I deserve that.”  
  
“Dana…you’ve never stopped being my wife in my eyes. Maybe it’s different for you but not one thing would make me not want you to legally be my wife again.” _

_…Well, one thing. But it wasn’t anything he could mention now. What’s done…seemed to be done. Giving him another kiss, Dana nodded. “…Yes.”  
  
Yamada fished the ring out of his pocket and put it back on her finger, where it should have always been. Tears suddenly rolled down her face. “E-Eh? Dana?”  
  
“S-Sorry…I just…never realized it didn’t feel right without it” she whispered. _

_“I know the feeling.”  
  
Pressing his lips to her temple, he closed his eyes. He’d called his dad and filled him in on everything. The man was more than willing to furnish the house with everything he asked. Yamada tried to keep his list simple but basically James wouldn’t have it. He was apparently sending over the best televisions technology had to offer and the best furniture and mattresses… _

_“I do have one question though, son:…do you really believe my grandson is okay?”  
  
…At present, there were no signs of Koji recalling. Or any…signs of anything. He was just a perfectly normal child. _

_Just…something felt off. Koji was still kind of quiet but he assumed that was just his overall nature. However, he…he heard last night Koji whining and crying in his sleep. Dana got up to wake him but he just…looked paralyzed. Like…like perhaps Yamada did when he remembered._

_…The…the bad part was…those memories made sense to Yamada. At the end of the day, he knew what they meant and why the nightmares followed him. Koji was paralyzed…and it was like the slate just went blank and he was confused. As far as Koji was concerned, he was having dreams about something that never happened._

_…So…no. Yamada had a feeling things would not be okay. Just…for now, he had brought his legacy back together. They’d made it._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

‘I know you’re not talking to us but if you’ll let me, I’ll tell you what’s going on’. 

Yagami Koji scowled as he and his wife sat outside of a cafe. He got that text early this morning around one and even though he was mad as all hell, he was relieved. Finally someone may have cared about him.  
  
He’d woken up, aggravated to be waking in the hospital with no memories yet again, to hear his wife requesting his family tell him what was going on since they apparently knew. What he’d been saying all along, really. However… _however,_ even though he felt exhausted physically and mentally, when he heard his bastard twin yelling and cursing at his wife, he snapped. 

Koji would _never_ let anything happen to Nelly within his control. He would never let anyone hurt him or get away with hurting him. If he needed support, he’d be there. He’d be there for his twin through thick and thin. He knew when it was Nelly needed his space and when he needed his comfort. He knew Nelly. 

So…to hear this person that had been with him from the very first day, that knew that Koji loved him but that there were certain beings in his life that were very special in his sight, yelling at his wife like that? Koji just couldn’t believe it because Yagami Nerimaru _knew better_. He’d have injured people for _less_ if they hurt his Popuri and _Nerimaru_ , of _all people_ , knew that. 

When they got home, Popuri was trying to be calm and chastise him for hurting his twin but she was in absolute shambles. Koji admitted to being a little iffy on feeling her family was his. Yea, he loved Lillia to death, she was great and he’d go to task for her but Rod? Oh, and the bastard brother? Yea, he did not commiserate much with the emotion of ‘in-law closeness’. 

Popuri had been enveloped in his family like every addition. Even though Cliff married his only baby sister, Koji would stand up for or with him if need be because that was his brother by extension. Same as Lyla, he’d do anything for her, he’d known her far longer than Popuri, really. And Karen and Ann? Absolutely. If he wanted to press it, he wouldn’t jump as fast or far, but if Elli was in danger he’d come to task for her too. Their family was a whole and for them to treat Popuri like a random piece now? After all this time? He was _livid_ how upset they made his wife and how they treated her. 

So, fast forward two days, and he got that text. His dad was going to be the sane one. Koji text back ‘what is it?’ thinking he’d just tell him via text. What he got in return was a little…weirder than his dad would text. Unlike most people that came up in the seventies and were like ‘what’s this newfangled magic?’ with smartphones, his parents were actually very adept. The text ‘I’d rather tell you about it’ had all these weird breaks and lower case letters. And he told him to meet him some place he knew his dad would never go of his own choice. Maybe it signified something? 

Popuri frowned as she drank her coffee silently. She was still upset and he didn’t blame her. However, gauging how his family literally did not care that he told them he’ll basically never speak to them again, this _had_ to be a doozy. He would give them that, if him saying ‘I’m not longer your son or brother’ wouldn’t get it out, this was steep. Nonetheless, it was kind of his life to know about so screw their discomfort, he wanted answers. 

But other thing? His dad was never late. His mother was hit or miss but that man was nothing if not punctual. It was already ten minutes later. Popuri patted his hand, apparently reading his thoughts. “Maybe something came up.”  
  
Yea, but his dad’s ‘somethings’ lasted three to four hours. He’d probably have at least sent a message like ‘sorry, someone needs double bypass surgery, son. Let’s try again tonight’ or something. In a way, for his dad, he could forgive that being he was the line between life and death. This _may_ have been killing Koji but he wasn’t that selfish. 

Before Koji responded, someone came to his side. A waiter, he assumed. He looked to them to say he was doing fine for now with just his coffee, his appetite pretty low. When he looked up… 

He didn’t…recognize him. Like, he did…not recognize this person. Except, he recognized him. Staring at whoever it was that was…smiling and saying something, he…he tried to sort through it. 

Instant sweat. Why was he shaking? Who was this? Koji opened his mouth to ask but his throat was dry. Out of what may have been said, the man finally snorted in some voice he could discern from the static and made it feel like he was physically strangled: “So you don’t remember me.” 

‘Shut up, you little bastard. Haven’t I told you I’ll kill your mommy? Hold still and be quiet. That’s right. Don’t worry, you’ll learn to like it.’ 

Koji stumbled to his feet, knocking the chair and coffee over as he quickly staggered back. Popuri was saying something too but he… 

It wasn’t…dark anymore. The light of memories flushed through his head. How he tied his legs, how he gagged him, how he… 

His heart. He couldn’t…feel… 

Tears were running down his face, just an absolute flood of confusing things he didn’t know running through his head. Domo suddenly smiled. “Oh, you do. Good. I’d hate for my work to have been undone.” 

Gagging, Koji tried to put distance between them but ended up tripping. He’d ran a lot. He’d run and Domo always… 

“Get away from him!”  
  
Of all things, his wife was standing between them now. “I don’t know what you did or what you _think_ you’re doing but you get the hell away from him!”  
  
No, stop…he’d…he’d…hurt her…get up…get up and…protect… 

“Oh, don’t worry. He’s not really the one I want anyway. Not anymore anyway.”  
  
Koji watched through bleary eyes as the man winked and smacked his lips, “Good bye, Koji.”  
  
No. No, no, no. “Koji, baby! What’s wrong? Are you okay?”  
  
No. 

Curling up, mortified as nightmares of blackness that haunted him since he was a child came through full definition, he sobbed. What…why? Why didn’t he…?  
  
“He…he raped me, Popuri.”  
  
“W-What?” she rasped, kneeling beside him.  
  
“He-he raped me. Oh my God, he—why? Why don’t I remember? What is—why? Popuri, help…” 

Why didn’t…why didn’t he remember? What on Earth would…would make him lose… 

… _Them._


	11. The Light

**Chapter 11:** The Light  
  
**Author’s Note: _Continued trigger warning type themes. Proceed with caution_** . 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_“Yama?? Yamachin?!”  
  
Yagami Yamada heard Dana loud and clear. He miserably stared up from their bed, completely unable to move. He’d been so stressed about everything else that his body had feigned mercy on him from these nightmares. Not tonight though. Not tonight. Tonight Dana got to see what a disaster he was. _

_She’d probably just rolled over toward him at random and felt his cold body. It was unnatural how cold he got and he went to several doctors. They had no reasons. They said he apparently wasn’t cold enough for it to be life-threatening but he was cold enough to notice so that seemed pretty bad. And to top it off, it was always during sleep paralysis. At closest he thought Raynaud’s Disease but…_

_Dana turned the lamp on, sitting up frantically. He was at least able to close his eyes and whisper out weakly: “I’m okay, Dana.”  
  
“What are you talking about?!” she demanded, “You’re freezing!”  
  
“Please…don’t panic. Don’t fret the baby…”  
  
Shakily moving to sit up, he huddled under the covers and looked around groggily. This wouldn’t do though. As far as he could ascertain, if anything pushed past a certain stress level, it caused these attacks. He was going to be a doctor, there was bound to be some stress. _

_“I thought this only happened that once. Are you telling me it happens more?”  
  
Yamada frowned, confused, when Dana stared at him seriously, her hands on her round stomach. What? Tapping into his memory, his eyes widened after a moment. Oh yea…that…that time she had disappeared for three weeks when they were teenagers. He came home and passed out and she said he was ice cold. He’d just thought that was due to the cold, not the stress… _

_“…Damn” he muttered to himself, shaking._

_Of course, she scrambled out of bed to find extra blankets to wrap around him. It’d take about an hour or two usually for it to go away. She put one over his head like a veil before wrapping his shoulders. “…How long has this been happening? Why’d you never tell me?”  
  
“I…I dunno.”  
  
“You do know” she hissed, looking at him angrily, “Tell me.”  
  
He leaned back and closed his eyes, groggy. “…I…I guess after you left to marry Domo. It…it was sort of happening while you were there but…but it got worse after. I just…I just didn’t think it was a big deal.”  
  
“Yamada.”  
  
“It’s…it’s not now, Dana. I mean—it was bad because sometimes Shin would be crying and I couldn’t move but I-I always forced myself and it worked out” he insisted. _

_She fell quiet. He didn’t want her to feel bad or anything for him. He’d lived with it long enough now that it didn’t matter anymore. He changed the subject. “You don’t call me that anymore.”  
  
“What?” she muttered. _

_“Yamachin.”  
  
The brunette looked absolutely alarmed before flustering, “I-I didn’t mean to.”  
  
“Why not?”  
  
“It-It’s childish.”  
  
“What?” he scowled, “You can call me what you like.”  
  
“A jerk for not telling me you’re still suffering?”  
  
Yamada groaned, sliding down to lie on his back, “Dana…I will have nightmares about Shin and those 68 people’s death until I’m buried in the ground, okay? Those nightmares stress the living hell out of me and my body temperature drops. I’ve gone to doctors, they can’t tell me why and they won’t be able to fix it. I’m a human being and I just have to cope with things like all human beings do..”  
  
It fell silent. She was probably still upset. He…he didn’t need her to be upset. They were okay. _

_He frowned as she slipped under the covers and hugged his waist, resting her cheek against his chest after she turned the lights back off. “…Would you really have not wanted to forget that, Yama?”  
  
“Forget what? That my best friend died?”  
  
“Perhaps.”  
  
… “…No, Dana. I wouldn’t.” And, in time, he knew other people they’d made that decision for that would think the same. _

_Dana stared up at him sadly though. “…I don’t want you to suffer. You’ve suffered enough so hearing you plan to suffer for the rest of your life…”  
  
Grimacing, he weakly rested his arm around her, making sure she was covered so her and the baby wouldn’t catch a chill. “Dana, you’ve been through things too that I wish you hadn’t been. There’s no part of me that wants you to keep reliving that suffering but I don’t expect you to forget. I just…I just want to make it all better for you. I won’t be able to erase it but I…I will make sure from here on you won’t have to suffer that same way again. And that’s…that’s how I feel about it. As long as you and our children are here with me, I can take the things I can’t change.”  
  
She never said anything to that. Dana and he never really could ever agree on that matter. She always tried to push the painful parts of the past so far away it was as if it never happened. He…he accepted it for what it was. In that manner, Yamada figured she thought Koji was more like her. _

_…They could hope._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

“Get the bleeding stopped!!”  
  
Matsushima Shiro was too old for this. 

He angrily ran around the room, trying to get some of these green surgeons to properly stop this man’s bleeding. He’d been stabbed in the chest and other places in some sort of activity and now, because he was practically gushing blood, everyone was panicking. Any other day, ‘oh, we’ve got this, we’re good, Dr. Matsushima! Experts!’. Experts, his _ass_. 

Exasperated, he leered as the door opened and Yagami Yamada entered like the pompous white knight jackass he was, entirely unperturbed as he put on a mask and a smock. Yamada had three _million_ reasons to have left this hospital by now but stayed out of some horrible sense of loyalty. When he finally retired after thousands of surgeries, Matsushima was glad. Some new blood, some new opportunities. Nope. If Yamada wasn’t the hardest working retired bastard he knew, this place would have shut down about ten years ago.  
  
“Relax” Yamada said calmly. “Do you watch anime?”  
  
“A-Ah, yes, sir?”  
  
“This is not simply an effect they imagined” he explained about the blood jet, “When an artery is cut, this is a possibility depending on the blood pressure and the beating of the heart. It’s actually quite fascinating and while it provides a bit of a challenge shouldn’t hinder the closing of the artery too much. But time is very much of the essence, as you know. He’s losing blood at a faster pace.”  
  
“Y-Yes, Yagami-senpai.”  
  
Yes, says the man being sprayed with blood and managing like he was just reading the paper. Didn’t even break a damn sweat explaining to now a curious group of newbies the importance of regaining focus under pressure when he’d never lost focus or even slightly freaked out. Just a damn freak of nature. Or no, just experience. 

“Yagami, I need you to learn to mind your own business.”  
  
Yamada leered at him, washing his hands after the surgery was completed and the man was now receiving a transfusion. “I’m not in this career to let people die, Matsushima, we’ve been through this.”  
  
“Yes, but at some point _other people_ need to be capable.”  
  
“I understand that” Yamada assured, “But I also understand that some people have to learn by example. It may not happen for everyone in that room but I bet at least a few of them will have a fresh approach should it happen again.”  
  
“Yea, yea. So how’s Koji?”  
  
“Still angry, I presume. I’m just going to have to go by his house and speak to him. I’m…I’m not looking forward to it” Yamada murmured.  
  
“Out of everything you all could have possibly done, Yamada? It’s entirely unethical. The boy’s going to have to deal with this as a 64 year old instead of having worked through it his entire life.”  
  
And forever too, provided he didn’t die of something other than old age. It was ridiculous. Yamada didn’t say anything to that but well, the guy hadn’t necessarily been a fan of the idea either. 

…Only time would tell now. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

God, _no_. 

Yamada was trying not to curse and scream as he gunned it across the bridge to Mineral, Dana silently sitting beside him, her hands folded as if in prayer against her forehead. 

_“Koji found out. He said he was raped.”_

When his daughter-in-law called with that, he thought he stopped living for a second. Over fifty years that hadn’t been a possibility. The words didn’t even seem possible, Koji knowing. How? 

_‘He got your text to meet at the café!’_

_‘…Popuri, Koji never responded to me, I never text back’._

_‘You did! I—I mean, it…it was a weird message though. It’s…it’s not how you usually text.’_

She’d fallen quiet and he didn’t like where this was going. His mind had already gone there and even Popuri must have realized it. _‘Domo was there instead.’_

That bastard must’ve had someone hack into their conversation and send a response to Koji. 

_‘I—I didn’t think anything of it--’_ Popuri had rasped. 

No, she shouldn’t have to. In no universe should it be logical to think someone would hack into an important conversation between father and son to have them meet up. Just… _‘Did…did Domo tell him?’_

_‘No. Koji remembered.’_

Great. Just great. Koji wasn’t introduced to the truth but basically dragged through it by his own buried subconscious. Popuri told them he was in bad shape, his crying in the background killing him inside. He… 

…He did this. 

“What do we say?” Dana whispered. “What…what do we say?”  
  
Nothing. Absolutely nothing. 

When they pulled up to the house, Nelly and the other children were already there. Yamada…wasn’t prepared for this. In his head, his son was sort of this person that resurrected himself after every obstacle, something like the phoenix rising from the ashes. He…was a strong man.  
  
Dana ran in full force, the nerves of a mother, he supposed. He followed weakly. 

No one was in the bottom level but he heard talking. Upstairs. They went up the steps toward the bedroom… 

The aura of helplessness immediately struck him the second they walked in. All of their children just stood there as if they had no idea what to do. What was there to do? Dana quickly went around them toward where Koji was actually huddled in a corner of the room, balled up and rocking and hugging his head. He kept sobbing and moaning out unintelligible things…  
  
“Koji” Dana rasped.  
  
He looked at her, his eyes completely bloodshot and his face flushed. “I told you I didn’t want to! I _told you_!”  
  
What? Dana completely froze. Yamada frowned before shaking his head and walking over. “Koji, son--”  
  
“Why?! Why would yo-you _do this to me_?!” he bellowed.  
  
“Koji, sweetie, w-we just wanted to help you—you were so sad--” Dana explained quickly.  
  
“Help?!” he snapped, clamoring to his feet, “This is ‘helping’?! Y-You let me spend over fifty years not knowing about any of this and that’s ‘helping’?! You let me think something was wrong with me because I’ve spent my _entire life_ angry and that’s ‘helping’?!”  
  
Yamada could only bow his head. This… 

“Fuck you!! You didn’t give a shit about me!! You just felt _guilty_!!” he screamed, “ _Sixty years_. Sixty years I’ve had to go on fighting some invisible battle you took from me because you weren’t even there!! Where were you?!”  
  
Dana shivered and normally…normally Yamada would defend her. But this…this was their damage to take. He knew this would happen. He just… 

The biggest tears rolled down Koji’s face as he once again shrank into the corner, rocking, “I-I _told you_ I didn’t want to…I told…you…and you…you didn’t listen…you never let me know anything…”  
  
Nelly quickly left and nobody knew what to say. This wasn’t their children’s war though they’d been brought into it, one by one. 

He did this. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

Five boys.  
  
Yamada pressed his fingertips together, staring down at the little being nestled in the cradle, the babe’s sleepy brown eyes gazing up at him. Five males. Five. This once again made him question the existence of an upper entity because clearly they wanted to amuse themselves with the fact he had five sons. This wasn’t even about how males ended up in Wasaba now, thieves, drug dealers, or dead, this was merely the principle of who has five sons? 

“You can really _try_ not to look disappointed, Yama.”  
  
He glanced to Dana, the woman quite rosy, a day out from giving birth. “I think he’s just beautiful.”  
  
“Dana, he is perfection, as usual. I just… _can’t understand_. You have, what? Two sisters? I mean, I guess my mom had a couple brothers but she also had a couple sisters—we just blew it out of the park having a bunch of boys.”  
  
He was quite aware genetics wasn’t that simple but this was ridiculous. Jill would be overrun with brothers, his poor angel. Rubbing his temple, he sighed gravely. “This has to be the Lord’s work. And they’re going to be former me reincarnate just as penance for some monstrous act I must’ve committed in a past life.”  
  
“My sons will _not_ be like former you” Dana said haughtily, “We’re raising them away from all that, you know? The booze and the promiscuity.”  
  
Well, looks like Izumi Craig was raised away from all that and found his way into it. But she was right, there was no real birthright that they be partying…sluts. He was kind of bad back then. It alarmed him as a doctor now how many sexually transmitted diseases and just ailments in general he could’ve gotten but generally he had a clean bill of health. Guessed he had some luck. 

Yagami Shaun. He was given the middle name Elliot for some reason he couldn’t grasp but as of yet none of his children’s middle names made sense to him except for Shin’s…not that he supposed a middle name was supposed to make sense. Craig was mystified they even bothered. Well…they were unique, his children. 

Yamada smiled as Shaun yawned, closing his eyes and dozing back off. His family. 

“Yamada.”  
  
Looking up, he found Dana gazing off to the side. She looked much better now, her face less pale and her weight a lot closer to what he’d want it to be. It had been stress itself moving into their new home with five kids and a pregnant wife while going to work and school. The kids were…quite excited about their new abode, that was for sure. He…quite often lost Nerimaru and Koji, the two going to their basically abandoned third wing to pretend to be explorers of a ghost town or forgotten cave. He supposed he should have considered that, especially when Tony and Jill started walking but… 

It was good. They all…were happy. While Koji was supposed to be homeschooled, Subami Primary actually approached them first and insisted it’d be better for Koji to attend from the beginning, promising with full confidence that no mention of what happened with Domo or him would be made. That…was a hefty vow. They couldn’t be there every second. Nonetheless, it…was mildly disturbing to Yamada but it was this taboo thing to mention how public officials let this criminal get away with all sort of horrific acts for so long, a shameful stain on Japan’s pristine history, he’d heard. It was like the annals of history destroyed what occurred only for it to be discussed in the houses of those still engulfed in its twisted tale. He didn’t like that. It meant history could repeat itself. Just…it did make it easier to keep Koji from recalling… 

…He never knew if that was good or not. 

“Yes, Dana?”  
  
“…I…I did save some money” she murmured, “While…while I was stupidly working. And…and I know I should have helped with the house but it was so measly in comparison to what you had--”  
  
“Stop being so down on yourself” he scolded, reaching out to rub her hand, “What were your plans for it?”  
  
Dana smiled some, “Well…after we get more settled in and Shaun gets some age on him, I was thinking I’d use it for our wedding.”  
  
Yamada frowned. Dana bit her lip, “Is…is that not a good idea?”  
  
“Oh, not that. I, uh, I was thinking when we remarry we just invite some close friends. The ones still around. Small, intimate—we’ll have a nice dinner and the ceremony and call it a day. Nothing too outrageous if…if you want. I can do lavish, I just thought after all this…”  
  
“…Can I make my dress?”  
  
He smiled warmly, “I would expect nothing less from you.”  
  
“Well, that’s fine then” Dana assured, “I wouldn’t want lavish anyway.”  
  
Kissing her knuckles, Yamada looked at Shaun, “Then I want you to keep that money and I’ll fund it. If you don’t mind me asking, how much are we speaking?”  
  
“Just…just a hundred thousand.”  
  
He nodded, “Then I want you to use that for Yagada.”  
  
“What?” Dana scowled, “We have half a dozen kids, Yamada, I won’t have time to sew clothes.”  
  
“They won’t be children forever though, Dana, and I told you I want you to have that. I…I wanted to be able to give it to you but I…I do have to take care of our responsibilities for now” he murmured softly. 

“Then I should help!” she protested, “I’ll pay some bills with my savings.”  
  
Waving his hand, he sat on the bed and gave her a kiss. “My dreams…have all been met, Dana. And I want yours to be too. Save it and when we’ve got the kids more secure, I’ll help you get a nice shop nearby in that ritzy area and you do exactly what you want, okay?”  
  
“Yama…” she whispered, her dark eyes worried.  
  
He simply nodded and hugged her, “…It’ll be just fine, Dana. At least that part of it.”  
  
Five boys, a girl, a wedding, and soon, his wife’s business. They…had a loaded life, that was for sure. But it…it was looking good for them so far. 

Had…he really won? 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_Yagami Yamada just happened to be at the store in a sleepy daze, buying his three baby’s formula. Jill and Tony were weaning off of it mostly but that was slow going. And God, the diapers. All…the diapers._

_He’d just gotten off his shift and had to go to the one 24-hour convenience in the Hondo area to get this emergency supply, wondering how they’d pull this without nannies. Yamada had very briefly considered it but it just seemed so…upper crust. And he didn’t trust many with his children, his…life, really. Dana hadn’t been able to get out to get the items needed, right now rather carless. He wanted to get her something in case of emergencies but that would have to be two checks down the line just for a down payment. Money was kind of tight…_

_Glancing at the magazine rack as he stood behind some young kid buying condoms, a promising sight if any, Yamada’s brows furrowed. There were some American magazines mixed with the Japanese ones and…there was an image of a woman wearing…something. It…looked like it might be a wedding dress._

_Yamada stared at it, horrified by the gigantic…what? Puffs? Life protectors? Whatever it was, around the woman’s arms. Were those…were those supposed to be sleeves?_

_He awkwardly picked it up and flipped through the apparent bridal magazine only to see literally this same style in about three dozen different reiterations. Was…was that…what Dana planned to make for their wedding?_

_He had to buy it. He was not the fashionista in this family by even a longshot and that was considering three of his children didn’t care if they wore cardboard, but this could not come to be. His wife was not wearing cotton balls on her arms. That dress she wore for their first wedding was fantastic and if she just recycled that it’d be great but this? No. He would look back at their wedding photos and laugh his absolute ass off. And then she’d kill him and it just wouldn’t be good._

_“I’m back…”  
  
“Thank you, Yama, I’m sorry. It’s so hard to call and track you down at the hospital. I wish I could call you before you got home--” Dana whispered, coming from the living room with Shaun in her arms.  
  
“That’s just fine” he assured, kissing her forehead before petting Shaun’s downy hair.  
  
Dana handed their youngest off to him and took the bag, about to compose Shaun’s midnight snack. She raised a brow at the magazine. “Uh, what’s this?”  
  
“Well….a curiosity.”  
  
“Indeed, since you don’t care a lick about this sort of thing.”  
  
“And how” Yamada snorted before looking to her awkwardly. She was flipping through it while dumping the powder into the bottle of water. She…didn’t seem as terrified as he was. Oh God. _

_“U-Uh, so…are you…planning for that sort of dress?” Now he felt stupid. Who was he to tell her what dress she was going to wear? He felt weird wearing the color blue._

_Thank all above him, Dana snorted, “I have not seen a sleeve executed correctly YET in this style. I know what they’re trying to accomplish but I couldn’t. No, I think I may go an older style high neck. No sleeves like that, at least.”  
  
“O-Oh, okay.”  
  
She smiled sleepily, “I am excited about our wedding though. You’re going to invite Craig and your father, right?”  
  
… “Uh, Craig, yea.”  
  
“What?” Dana frowned, “I really want to meet your father and properly thank him for all the furnishings, Yama, they’re just perfect. And I really just want to meet him in general.”  
  
Oh man… “I, uh…I can.”  
  
How would he send that invitation? Would his wife see it and ask ‘who is Yagami Yamada?’? He could play it off, say someone he knows in Japan but she’d probably want to come with him. She’d see this blond Japanese guy and it’d just…be disastrous. _

_But, well, Dana was right. He’d call and invite him, he supposed. “I will. Just let me know the date.”  
  
“I want our original anniversary.” _

_August 25 th. He frowned, going to the calendar she had on their refrigerator. “…That’ll be a Tuesday, Dana.”  
  
“Meh.”  
  
They…could get married on a Tuesday but that was kind of rough for everyone that had a job and children now. “Maybe a nighttime wedding? Gives everyone a chance to get off work, at least.”  
  
“That would be nice” she murmured. _

_Handing the bottle to him to give to Shaun, she started scribbling things on a piece of paper. “Night time…intimate…I should send out invitations soon.”  
  
Yamada sat on a barstool, almost falling asleep the second he got there. “…What car would you like, dear?”  
  
Dana slowly looked up at him, “What?”  
  
“What car would you like? I think a small Datsun would be good for you—sorry, Nissan.”  
  
She stared at him very, very blankly. What? Was he saying something crazy? She set her pen down, clearing her throat, “Yamada.”  
  
“Yea…?”  
  
“In the…twelve years we’ve known each other, sweetie, have I ever given you the inkling I know how to drive?”  
  
They just looked at each other silently for some long moments. What? “…Seriously?”  
  
“Yamada.”  
  
“I…guess I never ACTUALLY noticed” he scowled thoughtfully. Everyone knew how to drive from when he was growing up, one way or another. To be perfectly honest, he wasn’t sure how he learned to drive a car or motorcycle but it came naturally to him. He…forgot his wife wasn’t given such freedoms. _

_Yawning widely, he stood and kissed the top of her head. “Pick a car. I’ll teach you.”  
  
“W-Why can’t you just drive me around?”  
  
“Because…I literally will always be working.”  
  
She groaned, seeming fearful. It was understandable to be afraid, especially since Japan wasn’t the most friendly of places to drive…however, in their neck of the woods, it was pretty much the only option. He smiled as he settled the sleeping Shaun in his bassinet in their room before slumping off to the shower and crawling into bed after the quickest bath of his life. Dana came up with an extra bottle and her notepad. She slipped under the covers and snuggled against his back. “…Yama?”  
  
“Mm…?” he mumbled, dozing. _

_“A…A Honda CRX…the Si one. I-I think I like that in blue.”  
  
He couldn’t help smile, rubbing her hand, “You got it.”  
  
Dana fell asleep. Somehow he felt her apprehension and excitement. She…wasn’t the spritely girl he met back in the seventies but she was always pretty damn adorable. Despite it hurting every cellular structure in his body and defying his exhaustion, Yamada got up and walked up the hall to check on his babies… _

_Jill and Tony were fast asleep, thankfully. He couldn’t bother them too much or all Hell would rise. He peeked into Nerimaru’s room. Empty. No need to panic though, he looked into Koji’s room and found him there. However, it looked like Koji was awake…_

_“Koji?” he whispered._

_Koji glanced from his bed to him, his dark eyes sleepy. “Hi, dad.”  
  
“Hey, buddy” he greeted, walking in, “Can’t sleep?”  
  
“I had a nightmare.”  
  
“Oh? You wanna talk about it?” Yamada murmured, sitting carefully on the edge. _

_His second oldest child stared at the ceiling for a moment. His brow creased and he shook his head, “Why don’t I remember dreams, dad?”  
  
Yamada frowned, “What do you mean?”  
  
“Nerimaru remembers his dreams. Shin remembers his dreams. Why can’t I?”  
  
Swallowing, Yamada gave him a soft smile and brushed his hair away from his forehead, “…It’s different for everyone, Koji. Some…some people don’t remember their dreams. It’s perfectly normal.”  
  
Sort of. Koji’s eyes closed some and he nodded softly, “…Okay.”  
  
“You want me to read you a story?”  
  
“…Well, maybe.”  
  
Yamada smiled and Koji requested The Stonecutter. Yamada was so exhausted the pictures were coming to life but he personally quite enjoyed reading to them. Shin was perplexed by it because Yamada just…hadn’t really known to do this until he heard a coworker mention it. Koji and Nerimaru had been as well to an extent but they seemed to like it quite a bit. And Koji apparently was satisfied enough with the circumstance to fall into what seemed like a peaceful rest. At…at the end of the day, that was good. He couldn’t speak for anything else but that he had peace was…was good. _

_Kissing Koji’s forehead and tucking him in a bit more, Yamada made one last stop. Shin also was in and out of sleep, it appeared. Yamada kneeled by the bed and Shin smiled at him drearily. “Hi, papa.”  
  
“Hey, Shin” Yamada said softly, giving him a warm expression as well, “What’s got you up?”  
  
“Hmm, nothing. Just not sleepy yet.”  
  
For Shin this had been a spectacular transition. Going from a two bedroom shack of an apartment to this mansion was practically night and day. The twins were used to it having been in a large house before but for him and Shin, this was just overwhelming. The boy often didn’t go that far, sitting in one small space of the house until it was time to go to bed. Yamada figured that was what Shin was familiar with so he was trying to maintain that. Koji and Nerimaru would coax him to explore with them but generally he just seemed to come back to his own space… _

_Yamada knew this was a bit much, really. He wasn’t sure who this was supposed to accommodate but at this point they were only occupying about sixty percent of the house, if that. He would get the basement done when he had some more money and maybe he’d venture down there more but that third story…he realized even the one Craig had at his old house was pretty abandoned. Maybe when the kids were older…just for his poor baby, this was a lot to happen in such a small amount of time. One day he’s watching cartoons with Ayame when he got out of primary, the next he’s living in a mansion with his mother and five siblings and going to a pretty affluent school._

_Of course, he thought Shin had one ‘perk’. “Did you get to play with Lyla today?”  
  
His son’s blue eyes brightened. Okamoto Lyla lived next door. Her father was actually a renown botanist for the area and her mother had a popular business for floral arrangements. Yamada wasn’t certain how the two met but Shin was quite impressed with her and often had her over to play in his little domain. She was a sweet little girl, the same age as Shin. _

_He…heard about the science done circa 1910, very ahead of its time, exploring DNA sequencing and trying to alter it. From the research he’d done in school, it hadn’t proven very successful…initially. Suddenly people were starting to emerge with very bewildering hair and eye colors. He wasn’t sure where these people were when he was growing up the “strange” one. Shin was amazed because Lyla had naturally pink hair and purple eyes. That was a pretty colorful combination._

_“She came over and we played on the Atari! But daddy…you think for my birthday I can have a Famicon? I think it’s better.”  
  
“A **what**?”  
  
“A Famicom! Nintendo makes them. Lyla and I played with one at her friend’s house and it was a lot more fun. Please?”  
  
This stuff was getting a little outside of his expertise. He was proud he even knew what an Atari was and now they were getting ‘Famicom’. Shin pouted, probably at the bewildered look on his face, “I’m sorry, we don’t have to. I’m sorry.”  
  
“Oh no, no, Shin, I can get you a Famicom for your birthday.” Whatever that was. “Daddy can do a little better now with birthdays.” _

_Even though he had like seven to think about now, good grief. Shin was quiet before looking to him, “It’s real different, papa.”  
  
“What is?”  
  
“Being a family. I like it.”  
  
“I’m glad. I…I know we usually discussed things more before we make big decisions but…papa had to act really fast. I’m sorry” Yamada murmured. _

_“We had to save Koji” Shin whispered._

_… “Yea…we did.”  
  
Pulling Shin’s blanket a little snugger, he kissed his forehead and wished him ‘sweet dreams’. The same dreams Koji had no possibility of remembering because Dana found a lunatic capable of creating a mental switch for Koji to subconsciously switch off. Yamada pursed his lips as he made the journey back to his bed to probably be tortured in his slumber by things he couldn’t control nor forget even if he wanted to. Koji just knew he was being tortured. _

_He took a deep hard breath as he closed his eyes, miserable. Did…_

_…Did they save Koji?_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_This wedding, he wore a suit. It was hot as hell and they were on a beach. He guessed he was a bit old for the lackadaisical look now._

_Surprisingly the few friends they did invite made it a point to come. Something about how they couldn’t miss them ‘beating the man’ and coming back together. Yea, he supposed. With the addition of his children though, it…it was a nice crowd. It felt less negative than the last event. These…were the people that came through the storm with him._

_Yamada smiled as he stood with the same priest that went through this with them the first time. Dana had planned for all these Americanisms in weddings. He’d not been familiar with a ‘flower girl’ or the significance but his sweet little Jill toddling down the walkway to him with that big grin and haphazard throwing of flowers was just the best thing ever. She was supposed to go to Kari once her task was completed but naturally she came to her papa. He gave her a big kiss on the cheek and held her until it was Dana’s turn. Admittedly he was kind of a softy with his one girl. Five boys._

_When it was Dana’s time, he was still half expecting those gigantic mecha sleeves and a gigantic ‘sike!’ from her. However, instead, she came walking in on her two feet this time, carrying a bundle of white roses, her white dress high neck and sleeveless. Again, death…everything that just happened though? That definitely needed to die._

_Dana was just this…incredible thinker with her craft. When she came to him, he saw the back appeared to be the same material from her first wedding dress. Gorgeous and pretty sexy. That’s a hundred percent why he believed in her, he knew she had vision. Yagada would be amazing when it came to fruition._

_Koji took Jill, the little girl more apt to sit contently with her older brothers than any of the others. Dana stood in front of him as the priest went through the vows. It kind of wasn’t necessary, this wasn’t the first time. But, let it be told, this…this was it this time._

_Dana gazed up at him when he was asked if he took her as his wife. He didn’t have a doubt in his mind saying ‘I do’. She murmured so faintly: ‘Are you sure?’._

_“Of course” he mouthed back._

_She said ‘I do’ very softly. He almost doubted it. She looked up at him though with such conviction. Maybe she still worried about him. Let them come. He kissed her sweetly. They wouldn’t destroy this again._

_“Yeesh, if I knew you were bringing your kids I would’ve brought Cliff.”  
  
Izumi Craig stood by him as Dana spoke with Kari, Mina, and, surprisingly, her friend Harumi. He wouldn’t figure they’d have kept up but apparently Harumi had enough status to come to the Kamaishi facility to see her. Married to Zann, a fellow hafu. Just…so much hypocrisy. _

_“I would have liked to see the little guy” Yamada nodded, “He could have played with Tony.”  
  
“Cliff’s a different sort, he probably would have taken more of a liking to Jill” teased Craig.  
  
Yamada leered, sipping his wine, “…God rue the day my little girl is surrounded by boys. She’s just beautiful, I bet they’ll flock around her like flies.”  
  
“Really?” Craig laughed, “We both have attractive wives, man, life happens.”  
  
Bleh. But, well, yea, it did. He just hoped if she did live a life similar to his…explorative ways, she did safely and not pick the biggest loser out of the bunch. He’d seen a lot of in Wasaba when he made one of his last rounds through to visit Ayame, a lot of pairings that seemed more pressed by societal concerns than actual affections. He…was glad that wasn’t anything he had to worry about necessarily. _

_“Dad!”_

_He smiled as his flock of walking sons rushed to him, excitement in their eyes. “Great-grandpa has cows. COWS. Can we come stay for the summer? Can we?” gushed Nerimaru._

_Oi? “Um, I-I’ll have to discuss it with him and your mom but if both are okay with it, I don’t see why not…”  
  
They all were beside themselves and rushed to ask Dana next, probably. Weird. Craig snickered, dusting off his pants, “Kids are so flexible. Once upon a time I would have liked to milk cows and chase chickens. Now, I’m ready to go back to honking and nearly being run over in the city.”  
  
Yamada laughed at that, shaking his head, “When you put it that way, we are the crazy ones, yeesh. Dunno, maybe one day I’ll get back to nature.” _

_“I don’t think we go back to anything we never actually had…”  
  
“True.” _

_Dana walked over with a frown, watching the boys go back to her grandfather. The man was genuinely taken with them, probably having missed children being children with his own. “…I…I do suppose it’d be okay. J-Just, you know, I’d be nervous to…”_

_“…I think they’ll be fine” he murmured, “It’s a normal thing. They need normal.”  
  
“…Yes” she agreed faintly.  
  
Heck, they could ship them off today if he could go on an actual honeymoon with her. Sex had been quite sparse since Shaun was born, understandably. Oh wait, Dana probably would want to keep Shaun. Darn… _

_One day. He hugged her shoulders and kissed her forehead as Craig excused himself to make a call to his wife on some device he had. A ‘cell’ phone. Apparently you could just carry it around and it’d call people. No wires either. Yamada didn’t know how to feel about that…_

_“I’m sorry your dad couldn’t make it, Yamada.”  
  
Yamada sighed, walking around with Dana under his arm to talk to people, “I’m sure he’s had time to think about the situation, Dana, and he may not be someone we see a lot of…if ever. I know you wanted to meet him but I…I can’t blame him for his reluctance.” _

_His wife pouted at him. He had called from the hospital. Somehow it slipped his mind that, oh, Jonathan’s wife or children might pick up. In this case, Yamada got to speak to his half-sister._

_She’d seemed confused and fretful over having to accept international charges. He assured he just needed to speak to Jonathan really quick, if he were available. “Oh, dad’s in a long meeting. Can I get your name and he’ll call you back?”  
  
… “Um, never…never mind. Just tell him the doctor he met on his last visit to Japan wanted to thank him for everything. And he wanted to know when I got married but I’m sure he’s busy.”  
  
“Oh, congratulations! I recently got married myself, it’s so different” she reported, “I’ll let him know, I’m sure daddy will remember you. He’s good with people.”  
  
Yea. “Thank you, um--” _

_“Carrie Weston! Oh, I better hang up, mom will kill me—I’ll let him know!”  
  
Thankfully she was too worried about money to ask his name. Who knows what the mother knew? Regardless, that was a month ago and Jonathan didn’t call back. That, or Carrie just didn’t give the message. Either was fine…Yamada wasn’t sure if it was exactly what Jonathan was thinking but he often times looked at Nerimaru and Koji and felt so sad, so…bitter. He missed…so much in just five years. If Jonathan felt even an ounce of this or even an inch for every year missed, Yamada couldn’t blame him at all for trying to put it behind him. They’d…they’d missed…so much. _

_Looking to his sons, he smiled as they all were speaking to Mina and Kari. He at least had time to make up for it while they were young. He’d…he’d never get the moments back to appreciate them as his babies but…so be it._

_He swallowed as Koji looked in his direction, those dark eyes of his kind of void for a moment. When…when he compared the two scenarios, Yamada…Yamada didn’t feel he could fret over the moments he lost._

_He knew he lost them. Koji…Koji had nothing of the sort._

“What the he…ck…?”  
  
Yagami Yamada _never_ got a day off. Never. When Matsushima had the slightest of mercies and gave him two days in a row off, Yamada was the happiest person alive. He got to sleep. _Sleep_. Shaun was sleeping like a champ too now? Oh, it was perfection. 

Until it…felt like his house was shaking and a lot of noise. Loud noise. 

Dana looked up, bewildered as well. Yamada sleepily got to his feet, wandering over to the window to figure out exactly what was going on. An earthquake, perhaps. When he pushed back the blind, he almost tripped backwards to see a helicopter slowly lowering itself in the front yard. What in the hell?! 

“What the hell?” Dana voiced incredulously. 

Yamada quickly put on whatever clothes he had nearby to go and find out what was going on. He was terrified it…it was them. The Kamaishi. It was all hushed and hidden now but how could they forget? This…this could have been an attack. 

Terrified, he informed Dana if he wasn’t back in ten minutes to take the kids and go out the back door. She stared at him, horrified. Yes, he had this planned in his head. They wouldn’t kill his legacy. 

Alas, all of that quickly became moot when none other than his father stepped out of the helicopter.  
  
“Son! It’s good to see you!”  
  
…Okay. Yamada stared as the helicopter just kind of rose back in the air and went away like an errant bird. This was that side of rich people he couldn’t get down with. 

“I’m sorry, that was highly uncouth but the second I landed in the airport I’d make a spectacle and the spectacle would follow me—you don’t need any more drama” Jonathan sighed deeply 

Oh, well yea, that made perfect sense. Still, maybe a phone call? Jonathan looked aggravated himself. “…Carrie told me at dinner about the wedding. Naturally she didn’t think anything of mentioning it but, by golly, Maggie—that woman does love to pry.” 

…Uh oh. 

Yamada blanched, gaping for words, “O-Oh no, di-did I get you in trouble? I-I mean, I’d-I’d called you on that number before—I shouldn’t have--”  
  
“Yamada, please, don’t you fret” Jonathan insisted, patting his shoulder, “Where’s the missus?”  
  
Oh! Yamada nodded quickly, leading him inside. Jonathan started to take off his shoes but Yamada informed him it was unnecessary. Unfortunately the whole concept was foreign to Nerimaru and Koji and those two…enforcing it would take an act of God so Dana and he had given up. He hired a lady to clean the floors who just needed some quick cash once a week… 

“Isn’t this just a gorgeous house? Did I even send enough furniture?” Jonathan frowned, looking up and around. 

“Oh! No, yo-you did so much, it was plenty! W-We’re so thankful” Yamada blurted. 

Ugh, awkward. Pure awkward. Escaping to the end of the steps, he smiled nervously, “U-Uh, Dana, i-it’s safe! Come on down, we have a visitor!”  
  
Of course, with all this noise, by this point the kids were coming to investigate. Jonathan was just _delighted_. “Well, aren’t you all just _beautiful_? It’s nice to see you again, Shin! And you two! You look just alike!”  
  
The babies were confused, Tony and Jill, as they weren’t quite learning English as well yet. Koji, Shin, and Nerimaru thanked him though. Nerimaru, Yamada’s blunt one, raised a brow at him, “Is he your dad, dad?”  
  
Eep. Jonathan smiled, “I am your dad’s father. What’s your name?”  
  
…Dana had pointed out that distinction he’d made once. When he felt any sort of affection toward her, he called his mother ‘mom’. He hadn’t really done that in a while. He hadn’t had any reason to as the affection was gone and…to be honest, he wasn’t sure if he accepted her as his mom anymore. 

But…maybe Jonathan thought he wasn’t fitting as ‘dad’ since he…hadn’t been there. 

Yamada frowned at this as Dana came around the corner quietly, the kids chatting with Jonathan curiously. Clearing his throat, he smiled and reached out to her, “Um, so, this is Dana, sir.”  
  
Jonathan looked up, surprised, and Dana quickly bowed, “H-Hello, James-san. It’s nice to finally meet you. I’m Yagami Dana.”  
  
“Oh, it’s a pleasure to meet you at last as well! I’ve heard about you” James praised, “I’m glad you found your way back.”  
  
“I as well” she murmured, folding her hands before blurting, seeming nervous, “I-I’ll make tea!”  
  
Yamada’s eyes narrowed as Jonathan seemed confused. While he’d have been nervous meeting her parents if they were normal decent human beings too, he wasn’t getting that feeling. He smiled and led his father to the kitchen table with the kids following. As the man’s grandchildren kept him entertained, he wandered over to Dana and stood behind her, whispering softly into her ear, “…This is _my_ father, not Domo’s. I know it’s awkward—for me too—but he’s not a bad person.”  
  
Dana smiled at him, elbowing his chest, “I’m scared of your mom too, you know?”  
  
He groaned at that, hugging her from behind and kissing the back of her head. Well, warranted. He just…didn’t want her to fear anymore.  
  
Alas, she sat down with Jonathan and he guessed the man was ‘charming’ or something. He had her laughing and intrigued with his anecdotes. The kids liked him too. Nerimaru, just his ever open son, asked if they could address the man as ‘grandpa’. Jonathan was just tickled… 

“You have a beautiful family, Yamada.”  
  
Yamada had wandered out to the deck after it was decided they were going to have dinner at a nearby restaurant. Dana was dressing the children after he finished, choosing a simple white button up shirt and khakis. That…was still different to him. 

Glancing back as Jonathan came out behind him, Yamada smiled, “Thank you. They’re my lovely handful.”  
  
Jonathan chuckled, stuffing his hands into his pockets, “Yea, I’d say my two were enough. The ones I raised anyway.”  
  
He swallowed that as Jonathan absently tapped his fist against the railing, gazing out at the setting sun in the settling Autumn. “…When…when Carrie told us about your call at the dinner table, Maggie asked who you were. I told her ‘my son’.”  
  
Yamada…wasn’t sure he’d heard correctly. It sounded like he said he just admitted to his wife that he had a secret child while they were married. Jonathan looked serious. _No._

“W-Why?!” Yamada blurted, horrified.  
  
The man raised his hands, “…Maggie had gotten pregnant as well. She…aborted her child. She told me recently and I forgave her. I told her about my son and, well…she’s trying to forgive me.”  
  
He could only stare as his father patted his hip, looking around, “…I…I will say she…she expects me to cut all ties with you and never see you again.”  
  
Oh. 

Yamada let out a breath. Just figured. “…I have a family now. And I…I can’t imagine how your family feels learning someone like me exists. I…I know you have to do what’s best for them and that’s…that’s fine. I’ve…I’ve never had a father anyway so it won’t matter.”  
  
He wished it felt that simple. Jonathan was quiet…before suddenly embracing him. A part of Yamada knew affection would always feel a little unnatural. Maybe given time. Now all he was able to do was kind of hug him awkwardly with one arm back. 

“I told her that she was my wife and Carrie and Wayne were my children. I told her that you’ve got our children times three and don’t have time for the old man dropping in for father-son golf trips. But I can’t cut my blood. I won’t. I may…I may not be able to come see you often but I…I don’t want to lose any of my children.” 

Yamada swallowed a hard lump and smiled, pushing away, “It’s…it’s fine either way…dad. Believe me, I…I understand the sentiment. I do. Do what’s right for them. I, uh…I’ll be here when you have the time.”  
  
He was glad when Dana and the others announced they were ready to end this ordeal. In some peculiar way he preferred being a ‘dirty secret’ to his father’s wife. Now he was out in the open. His father literally made him known to people that could blame and hate him and want to leave. There was not a single person he knew, even himself, that would admit such a thing as having a secret child. It wasn’t comforting. 

Perhaps he felt guilty keeping the secret though. Guilt…guilt he understood greatly. But to confess his guilt then tell his wife ‘nah, I won’t do that’? If it were true, his dad was certifiably crazy. He just… 

…He guessed he did have a ‘dad’. Or supposedly. It still was up to question if he’d ever speak to the man again. They went out to dinner and had a great time. The kids enjoyed him immensely, their loony ol’ grandpa or something. Dana said this was what she’d _hoped_ his father was actually like. 

When he left, he kept it short which was good. If he drew it out, Yamada would struggle. At the end of the day, his dad had to choose his true family over his bastard. Not completely but majority. Yamada wouldn’t dare call his house now or even write him a letter. His wife would probably yell and hate him more if he deigned visit his bastard child in Japan. For the most part, this was it. He…he had to though. He wondered what ‘Wayne and Carrie’ thought when they heard. Their dad had another son, another child. How had they been affected? Those…those were the children Jonathan actually raised so he knew what they needed, how they needed to handle this. 

…He was doing this for them. 

Yamada didn’t smile as they waved ‘good bye’ at him, the same helicopter from this morning coming to spirit him off to some place he’d never touch. In the end, Yamada didn’t blame him. He’d not cheat on Dana, he knew that, but…if it came to it, he’d do anything for his family’s sanity too. 

Looking to Koji who was gushing to Nerimaru and Shin about some wild story Jonathan told them, he bit his lip. Or….maybe he did have to learn more about being a father. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

Yagami Yamada and Dana sat outside of their mansion in the truck in utter silence. By the time they left, Koji was basically threatening them to leave with violence and wailing. They didn’t make a sound the entire ride back. 

Alas…he had to know. “What was Koji talking about, Dana? What did ‘I told you I didn’t want to’ mean?”  
  
His wife of over sixty years didn’t say anything. He knew. “He told you, didn’t he? He told you when you took him to that quack that he didn’t want to, didn’t he?” 

“…He was a child, Yamada.”  
  
“I get that, Dana. I will always get that. I will get that a child will not want to take a vaccination because of the shot but they need it to not get ill. I understand a child won’t want to bathe but it’s basic hygiene. I get a child needs an adult there to help them make decisions and learn. But this is not ‘eat your vegetables’, he was telling you he wanted to keep his memories.”  
  
She stared straight ahead for a moment before looking to him, her dark eyes glossy, “You’ve done that since we remarried.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“You gloss over it, do what I say. You have an opinion but you back down, you never get that angry with me anymore. You never let me know what it is you’re actually thinking because you don’t want to hurt me. The Yamada I met as a teenager would have let me have it, would have told me I was wrong—this one just coddles because he thinks it’s better this way.”  
  
He gazed at her before looking through the window again, not acknowledging that. She wasn’t done. “But I’ll tell you what that hidden underneath it all Yamada is actually thinking. You told me left and right, over and over, from the time I took him to have it done until he was well into his thirties that it was a mistake, that it’d come back to haunt us. That’s what you said but what you really wanted to say was ‘how could you do such a fucking thing to our child? I am telling you from my own learning that there is no guarantee this will uphold. When will you take me seriously? What will it take for you to take me seriously? Our son will not ever forget this and you need to get your head out of your ass thinking he will’.”  
  
Yamada pursed his lips as she continued, “Tell me that it’s my fault. You didn’t want him to do it, you were vehemently against it. You’ve wanted to tell Koji his whole entire life to avoid this meltdown. You were RIGHT and I was WRONG. Just tell me, Yamada! Tell me like when you found out about Koji, demand ‘where the hell was I?’ while our child was being raped by my yakuza husband! Tell me how mad you are that I never told you Koji and Nerimaru were yours so you could get us out faster!”  
  
Like an unconscious reaction to his internal feelings hearing this, he slammed his fist against the steering wheel and inhaled hard. “Enough.”  
  
“But I told you, didn’t I? I told you that you were the only person I would have children with. You didn’t believe me” she uttered solemnly. 

“Dana, you lived with THIS CREATURE that was capable of raping our son. How was I supposed to guess he wouldn’t have forced you to have his child? And you KNEW. You saw those damn pictures, I looked like I was holding someone ELSE’S child. YOUR children with the man that killed Shin! At no point would I have held my children and felt that disgusted!”  
  
“So you are angry over that.”  
  
“Yes, Dana, YES. 64 years later, YES, I was PISSED. You let me hold MY children with disgust and not even an inkling that they were mine for the first and only time and I have these Godawful pictures of me looking like an absolute asshole holding my infant twins and that’s it. Done. Next time I see them, they’re walking and talking and I have let my sons stay in that house to be molested and assaulted. Yes, Dana, I was PISSED. I failed, Dana. I FAILED Koji.”  
  
“That’s just what you do, isn’t it? No, Yamada, you were never in the Kamaishi mansion to play savior. You were not there because they would have killed you otherwise. YOU did not fail Koji, I did. I was the one that was naïve enough to think my children were safe there. And I was the one that thought it’d be better for Koji to lose his memory of that awful human being. You were right. And he was, too” she trembled, wiping her eyes, “I was guilty. I was guilty as guilty can be and while I didn’t want him to suffer another small part of me thought it was better if he didn’t remember how I failed him too. I was selfish. I was a selfish and awful person and Koji knows that now.”  
  
…No. Just… “Our…guilt intertwines, Dana. Had I been…old Yamada, as you put it, I would have put up more of a fight for Koji keeping his memories. I wanted to tell him but I should have fought harder against you for him. I knew. I knew it couldn’t last. And I should have believed you, I just…” 

“You just shoulder my guilt along with yours” she said simply, “You were right. And now, what are we supposed to do? Our son may never speak to us again. He may…he may never get out of it. Not this time.”  
  
To the contrary. Yamada helped Dana out of the car as she refused to move, starting to cry and get upset now. No, Koji…would get through this. How, he wasn’t certain, but his child… 

…He…had his moments. But he had been strong the day Yamada met him again. He just…needed time. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_Dr. Yagami Yamada. Doctor. He had ‘doctor’ on his name._

_What a journey. At seventeen years old he told himself this was impossible but now sitting at thirty, he had finally…finally made it in. Finally. To add to it all, he was…well-received, blond hair and blue eyes and all. He’d even already taught two semesters at a college at the request of the board. It was nuts and he knew he was no teacher but it was good to see so many youngsters getting into the field. Some he had good feelings about. Yamazaki Shimei, Kawakami Katsuko, Miyazaki Nori, Ishikawa Tsumaru, and Kunisada Nozomi were names he’d told Matsushima to keep an eye out for in the future._

_Frankly, he’d been offered postings in…much better known hospitals. One of which Matsushima even told him to take but he’d promised. Twenty years. Matsushima saw to it that that monster was in prison and two decades was a small price to pay. Matsushima said he appreciated it but Yamada was an idiot. Some things never changed._

_He smiled, raising a brow as he pulled into the driveway where Dana’s poor Honda was basically turned in at the most erratic angle he’d seen. It…wasn’t bad, per say, having taught his wife to drive. It just…wasn’t as…instinctive for her as he thought it was going to be. She got there, no doubt, but the ride was quite…dubious. Maybe in another…four years._

_Parking, he walked into the mansion and expected his children to come greet him. It was astounding but…but Koji and Nelly—some name the kids all thought was cool to call Nerimaru but it confusingly caught on with all of them—were already ten. Ten. In three years, he’d have teenagers. But if they were ten, his baby boy, he was eleven. Eleven. Eleven years since he was a single father. Tony and Jill were six and Shaun was five. The diaper hell was done._

_Yamada frowned when no one at all came to see him. It wasn’t necessary, just…odd. “Dana?”  
  
She was working on some orders, he was sure. As soon as Shaun was in kindergarten, he found the perfect spot for her to open Yagada. It was on the Subami strip where all the socialites shopped. Dana was mortified by the prospect of that initially…until he got her two helpers and an assistant to get fabrics. And then, Kari, nationally renowned beauty model, started wearing ‘Yagada’ to various awards and events. Additionally, Miss Mina, growing in her class at the marketing firm she worked, may have advertised when the topic came up. It wasn’t…fruitful in the beginning but in almost a year, Dana had a return of seventeen percent. That…was pretty fantastic considering she wasn’t selling a disposable or really even necessity product. And being that it was June and wedding season, she had at least ten orders. He took one of the many rooms that were empty and had a rather unremarkable work room made for her. She loved it. _

_“Yamada??”  
  
Yamada looked up, startled, as Dana came to where he could see her from the stairs. She looked frantic. Uh oh. “What’s the matter?”  
  
“C-Come here.”  
  
Jogging up the steps, Yamada followed as Dana immediately started back down the hallway, saying calmly: “He remembered.”  
  
Yamada almost froze. _

_What? He remembered? Why? Five years? Was that the expiration date? Five years and boom, it all came back? What?? What would they do NOW? Now he’d remember every single awful thing that happened on the precipice of puberty? Why NOW? “W-What did you say? Did…did you…explain?”  
  
“You’ll see.”  
  
What? Yamada scowled deeply as Dana walked into Koji’s room. Their son was lying in bed, pale. Koji…never truly recovered from all the physical abuse he got. Yamada tried everything in the book to rebuild his immune system but it took Koji absolutely nothing to get sick. He was eternally anemic and his heart murmur…well, it wasn’t as bad as when he was a baby but it was still there. He didn’t have any immunodeficiency disorders, thank God, he just…wasn’t stout. _

_Koji looked up at him as he got closer. Dana was on top of everything, his ‘home kit’ of basic doctor supplies already there. He took out his stethoscope to listen to Koji’s heart, concerned. “Hey, Koji. What’s the matter, son?”  
  
“Nothing that I know of, dad.”  
  
What? Yamada made a face and checked his pulse, “…Your pulse is racing a bit. Did something startle you?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“…Okay. Your mother said you…you remembered someone. Who was that?”  
  
Yamada would always remember that panicked look on his young son’s face when he had to face Domo, whenever the poor thing even had to think of him. He kept his hand on his pulse to see if anything changed. However, Koji was cool as a cucumber. “Domo?”  
  
“…Yes.”  
  
“We lived with him for a while, right? Before we came to live with you.”  
  
“…Yes.”  
  
He waited with bated miserable breath for Koji to say, ‘And he raped me, right?’. Koji just blinked up at him with his mama’s eyes. Yamada…kept waiting. _

_…What? “That’s…that’s all you recall?”  
  
“Was there something else?”  
  
…Oh. Yamada opened his mouth a little to say ‘there was’, but Dana cleared her throat. “That’s all that’s important, Koji. He’s no one none of you need to concern yourself with anymore.”  
  
Pursing his lips, Yamada nodded shortly. Koji frowned but also tipped his head. “…Okay.”  
  
“Koji, why don’t you go stay with your great-grandfather for the summer? I think a little time away from the city will do you some good” Dana offered, getting closer to stroke his hair.  
  
Koji scowled, “…By myself?”  
  
“Well, Nelly has summer school as does Shin…”  
  
Why? Why were they sending him away? Koji agreed, nonetheless. When Yamada followed his wife from the room, she uttered, “They’re prosecuting more Kamaiji goons. I was…I was just watching the news and of course that comes up and they brought up Domo. Koji collapsed.”  
  
Yamada’s eyes widened, stunned. She stopped in the dark hallway and rubbed her arm, “…He remembers too much now. Not what happened but…too much. And this was a big bust, people are going to talk. If he goes to Mineral Town, he won’t…he won’t hear about any of this.”  
  
Oh. Yamada didn’t remark at first. He…he didn’t like this anymore than he did five years ago. They couldn’t just ship their son off every time Domo might end up in the news. Who knew when that’d happen? Not to mention, it wasn’t healthy that Koji just…passed out. That meant something mentally shut him down and stalled out his body. That. That was the lunacy he was concerned about with whatever that mysterious procedure was. _

_Dana looked at him pleadingly and he just relented. He always did._

_When everyone was in bed, he went back to check on Koji. Dana had wanted him to sleep in their room to keep an eye on him but Koji grew out of that fast. He…he had good friends like Keiba and Corey and some others, but he…was kind of reserved. He kept to himself unless need be. Nelly was still clingy like a child should be, Yamada imagined, but…Koji lost that early._

_Like those days in the hospital, his son was awake, staring at the ceiling in the dark. Yamada watched him quietly from the doorway for some moments before walking in, clearing his throat. “Koji.”  
  
“Dad.”  
  
“Just checking on you. You still feeling okay?”  
  
Koji nodded as he sat on the edge of the bed. Yamada patted his knees awkwardly, What…what was it that he wanted to say? ‘Son, Domo did a lot more awful things than you remember. Your mother and I nixed those memories so you could function’. Or something. That sounded terrible. It was. _

_“Dad?”  
  
“Ah, yes, son?” he smiled quickly. _

_“…Is there something you want to tell me?”  
  
Yamada’s eyes widened and he stared at Koji who looked back seriously. _

_…Yamada…probably always seemed like that._

_“…Um, I…just wanted to talk to you about girls.”  
  
“Girls?”  
  
“Uh, yea. You know, in case…in case you’re into girls. Not everyone’s into girls, you know?”  
  
Koji frowned. “…I think I like girls. I like Lyla.”  
  
“Ah, okay. Well…you know, when you were five, you told me that you need to look out for people that get treated differently because that’s unfair. You said that girls get that treatment more than boys. You see that with your sister sometimes, right?”  
  
“Yea. I wanna kind of fight them.”  
  
“Well…try not to do THAT but you make sure to stick up for those being mistreated, okay? And…and when you have a girl you really like, treat her nicely. You’ll know when you find her.”  
  
Koji seemed to ponder. What a crazy diversion from what he ought to discuss. Koji might not ever be able to have a healthy relationship with anyone as a result of that. He…he should tell Koji.  
  
“I hope I meet someone like mama. Mama makes good cookies.”  
  
Yamada chuckled, patting his head, “…Yea. Your mama is pretty great. I wouldn’t be anyone without her.”  
  
“Will I not be anyone without a wife like mama?”  
  
Shaking his head, Yamada stood, “…I came from a different life, Koji, one I want to keep you far from. You’ll be someone with or without a wife.”  
  
“Okay, daddy.”  
  
“Get some rest, okay? We’ll take you to Mineral Town tomorrow. I love you.”  
  
“Love you too.”  
  
Yamada paused as he walked back and looked at Koji. He seemed to still be restless. To this day, eleven years since the death of Hamasaki Shin, Yamada had nightmares. Vivid, vivid nightmares. How many restless nights would Yagami Koji have without a reason?  
  
About a month and a half into Koji’s stay with Dana’s grandfather, he got sick. Very sick. Apparently the man just turned on the television one day out of the blue and so happened that Domo had made it into local news in that small town. Koji was feverish and his pulse was through the roof. They said his heart was beating rapidly, beyond that of a child his age. They…they immediately had him shipped back home where other doctor’s said it was lucky he didn’t go into shock and die. They made a mistake. _

_Alas, Koji…came out so spirited. He wanted to go back to Mineral Town but Dana forbid it. At least they could keep an eye on him here. Koji was petulant._

_Yamada hadn’t thought much of it then, just that his son was cute or something, but Koji showed him this silver pendant and said ‘I met her. My future wife’. Yamada might’ve said ‘that’s swell’ or something coddling._

_At the time, all he could think was he made a mistake._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

Popuri…could _not_ believe this. 

Marching into the farmlands, angry beyond belief, she shivered as she made her way to Nelly’s house. How? How could they— 

The saddest part was, when she sat down and thought deeply, it wasn’t anything she wouldn’t have _considered_ should this have happened to her children. She called Yamada and demanded he tell her everything so she’d be prepared. Koji was living with Domo from birth to four-years-old. They came to him in the hospital and Koji apparently was in terrible shape. They found out he’d been raped. They didn’t have a good time frame but it was going on at least since her husband was three. What kind of absolute monster hurt a three year old? And she let him near her baby, unthinking, _unknowing_. She’d not in all the years they’d been married seen her husband look that…frail. Not when he was sick, not when he was depressed, not when he was broken—he looked absolutely shattered and frightened. 

Kaede still got upset over what happened to her first child. She had three beautiful children now but even the mention of a miscarried child would set her back to those days. Keiji would push himself to the limit if he had a case involving a rapist and would always reject cases that would have him protecting the suspect, even at the risk of reprimand. He said even if he had substantial evidence that they weren’t guilty, he just couldn’t handle it. And God, Popuri’s poor baby girl…she…she kept that from them for close to four years out of shame and sadness. Chihaya admitted there were still days Rosa woke from a nightmare involving her own experience. Popuri… _got it_. She got it _completely_. If she could erase her children’s pain and have it so they never had to go through it, she’d give her own life to see it happen. 

But that…wasn’t _real_. Koji was her absolute sweetie and she knew that. Just…when he got angry, _he got angry_. He was the easiest switch to flip in the world sometimes. He tried and sometimes he was just the most patient human being ever but if that button was pushed, hell would be paid. Not once had he ever hurt her or their children physically but he…he was a temperamental person. He admitted he really had to push not to lose it sometimes. That was because he had consent taken from him his whole entire childhood. The rape was far more sickening but the fact his parents said ‘he doesn’t need to remember that’? He had it inside of him all along but had nowhere to put it. He could have put it in counseling, therapy, talking about it—anything. They locked it into him to just rot there and he knew it was there but not…not what it was. It was a _dream_ that people that had trauma would pray for but it was not feasible. 

Nelly though. On the level of parent, she did get Yamada and Dana. They accomplished what should be impossible as young parents. That was just it, Popuri and Koji had Keiji when they were 23. They were established _enough_ after Koji got back from college and they were completely unprepared still. But if she were to have been presented with the opportunity for her scarred four-year-old to live peacefully? Yes, sign her the hell up. She’d be 27 then and that would sound like a fantastic deal. Hit her at 35 or 40 though and she’d _know completely better_. Yamada would have been _just_ 25 and Dana would have been 22. They were young and hopeful. You lose that with age. 

But Nelly. Nelly knew. He knew his brother was suffering. That’s why he didn’t like ‘Corey’. Corey must’ve treated Koji differently, like someone he was attracted to, and it caused Nelly anxiety because a guy liking Koji? And then, a guy growing intimate with Koji? Oh, that should make him remember. And he probably told Corey so Corey would distance himself from Koji. ‘Is Koji happy?’. He knew and maybe not Yamada or Dana, but Nelly? Koji’s twin? The one that cared oh so much? Why?  
  
She knocked hard on the door. Koji wouldn’t even move off of the floor. She got him wrapped in a blanket and set a cup of water near him but he wouldn’t budge. Between that and the tub, really. This just…hadn’t needed to happen. Koji asked. He asked _his family_. His family had literally two months to tell him. Yes, he would have been upset, mad, disillusioned. But he had the source of this sorrow come to him and basically tease his victim into remembering this traumatic event. His family…could have told him. 

After some minutes, the door finally opened. Nelly looked rough, unshaven and his hair a mess atop his head. She could smell he’d been drinking. He just looked at her miserably. “…Please tell me he’s okay.”  
  
“No, _he’s not_. He has been lying on the ground or the tub for the past four days in tears.”  
  
Nelly dropped his head before waving her in. She scowled as she walked into the farmhouse, Nelly taking a seat at the table. “Why, Nelly? Your brother is the strongest person I know and you know that too. Why?”  
  
He stared straight ahead of him for a moment before closing his eyes. “It was supposed to be me.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“When we were three. I always crawled into bed with Koji because I felt safer with him. I still remember. Domo came into the room and tried to take me when we were asleep. Koji yelled at him to leave me alone—Koji’s always been like that, y’know? He’s always been the one to stand up for us.”  
  
Popuri swallowed as Nelly weakly looked to her, “Domo got this…shit-eating grin on his face, like something out of a fucking movie, Po. He took Koji and I…I didn’t protect him. I was scared.”  
  
“Neri…”  
  
“And I was _so fucking oblivious_ ” Nelly laughed bitterly, “ _No_ idea. Koji would go for _days_ without talking and I just thought he was being mean—he was trying to hold his _life together_. I would go looking for him at night, he’d be standing in the highest window in the mansion about to throw himself out but then he’d see me and come back. He came back because he was protecting _me_. And I, the one that was always right there with him, had _no idea_. It should have been _me_.”  
  
“Nerimaru” Popuri rasped, coming closer, “You-you _can’t_ believe that.”  
  
“Why can’t I? Look, Popuri, I get it, I am able to look back and see I have been a gigantic prick asshole regarding some of the things happening. Yes, I hated Koji being with Corey because he wasn’t like Keiba—Keiba was someone both Koji and I grew close to together. Corey was someone he knew by himself and by himself meant I didn’t get to see what he was around or doing. I had to distance myself because Koji is a distant person but I didn’t _like it_. Then I started noticing the way Corey looked at him—and then Koji telling me they’d been fooling around? I just-I just knew he’d remember because I’m a dick, okay? I don’t want to sound like it was like that but _Koji—_ I just thought if he was physically with a man he’d _remember_ so only him specifically I didn’t want that with. It was _terribly prejudiced_ , I _know that now_ which more information and knowledge but then? And yes, I told Shaun and Tony and Jill when they were old enough about it so we could all protect him from it—I told the babies so we could protect our older brother.”  
  
“Nelly--” 

“And I am _sorry_ I yelled at you. God, I get it, okay? Koji was getting sick and if I was in your place not knowing where that was stemming from, yes, I’d be livid. But yes, he was exactly right: I feel _guilty_. Because I wasn’t there to defend him the same way he does me and I-I let that shit happen to him. And him suffering the way he was and me not understanding that suffering because I was oblivious—no, I just…I just didn’t want him to remember, Popuri, because that’s what I’ve always been: the selfish baby twin. It’s…it’s my fault…”  
  
She couldn’t believe this. “Yagami Nerimaru, you were _four years old_ just like Koji was. _Four years old_. If someone had been hurting Jyun at four years old would you have expected a two or three year old Kyo to have protected him?”  
  
“Of course not! But it’s not the same, Popuri!”  
  
“It _is the same_! You were _babies,_ Nelly!” Popuri exclaimed, “What reason would you as a toddler need to know what ‘rape’ is?! You’re trying to take the blame for someone deciding _either way_ that he was going to harm an innocent _child_! This was not your _fault_. And Koji may be a mess right now but I know my husband and I know he would not want you to sit here thinking these things! He didn’t protect you because he wanted to be a hero, he loves you!”  
  
“Popuri…” Nelly choked. 

“You silly thing…” she whispered, hugging his neck as he dissolved into tears, “I can’t imagine what Koji would feel if he knew you thought this.”  
  
“He’d probably think I’m right” he mumbled.  
  
Popuri shook her head, “I don’t think so, not one bit.” 

…This was terrible. Nelly assured when she was leaving he felt a little better after talking about it but that wasn’t it. It was deeply rooted, just like Koji’s memories, that this was ‘his fault’. He admitted he never told his parents he felt that way or really _anyone_ so he’d just been living with that sort of horrid guilt for the last sixty years as well. So just more…repression. 

When she got back home, she went to Koji to check on him. He wasn’t in the corner, he wasn’t in the tub. She saw the attic door was open. The attic had a window. 

Nonplussed, she wandered up the steps and saw the window to the roof was indeed open. She walked over.  
  
Koji was standing there, perhaps like he was thinking about it like he had back when it was just Nerimaru and him. It was a slanted room so one loose move and he’d go tumbling. It was a long fall. No…baby Nelly was not selfish. She was. She cleared her throat. 

He didn’t say anything, just standing there still. He knew she was there though. “Come in and have some tea” she said calmly. 

“I don’t want any fucking tea.”  
  
“Yes, I know. You prefer coffee.”  
  
Koji shot her an infuriated look, his face red and completely swollen. The last three days straight he’d been crying and suffering. Ultimately she thought it might reach this but not this quickly. She just stared back at him coolly. “Come and have some _coffee_. Because the second you step off that roof, I swear on _all_ that is _holy,_ I will be right behind you. So on your way down, I hope you think long and hard about how our children are going to think about our sudden double suicide off the house we raised them in.”  
  
“You have a lot of audacity.”  
  
“I’m your _wife_. That’s all I have when it comes to you wanting to kill yourself. Now get in the house.”  
  
It took a moment, but he crawled back in, his face dark like she’d just accept him jumping off the house and more than likely breaking his neck. “You just stay the fuck out of this, Popuri.”  
  
“Now you sound like your brother” she spat, “Or am I suddenly not your wife anymore? You just stopped caring about everything, especially me? Was that just a load of shit the other day about them speaking like you don’t matter to me or are you special?”  
  
His eyes widened as much as they could as she stomped away, “I’ll bring your coffee.”  
  
“…Thank you.”  
  
Ugh, she was being mean to him. He literally just found this out. How could she expect him to have acceptance and patience in four days after _sixty years_ of pent up rage and sadness? She weakly made it a little milky and sweet for him like he liked sometimes and wandered up to him. Maybe he’d gone back out the window. 

Surprisingly, he was lying in bed. It looked like he’d even washed up and changed clothes. Popuri bit her lip as she got closer, sitting on the edge and holding the cup out to him. He accepted it and drank it gingerly, about the only thing he’d consumed in any form in the last four days. Koji’s dark eyes were so miserable as he idly stirred it every few sips. He finished the cup and set it aside before lying down. She watched him for a moment before murmuring, “Can I rub your back?”  
  
“You afraid to touch me now?”  
  
“I…just want your consent.”  
  
He fell quiet. She didn’t…want him to think things were going to be weird now, not at all. As far as she was concerned, he was still her husband. This did change things for him emotionally but she…she just didn’t want him to feel violated.  
  
“…You’re always allowed to touch me, Popuri. That won’t ever change” he said so softly. 

Mm. She rubbed his back and kissed his temple. He just looked ahead into nothingness before saying quietly, “I don’t remember everything, Popuri. There’s…there’s…so much missing. There’s just…this one lingering picture in my head of my mother running away when I asked her not to. I just…I don’t understand. And I don’t think I want to. How? Where was she…when I was alone…with that monster?”  
  
Popuri bit her lip as he choked up, “Why…was I alone…with him?”  
  
…This was terrible.  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

He tried Shin’s approach: he called the police. 

Yamada asked Popuri what café they had gone to where Domo showed up. When he went, he asked some of the servers if they’d seen anything about a week ago where two men were speaking and one may have gotten a little panicked. They told him everything verbatim to what Popuri said and he asked if they were willing to give eye witness testimony. They agreed. 

_Oh, let the sun beat down upon my face; stars to fill my dream. I am a traveler of both time and space, to be where I have been. To sit with elders of the gentle race, this world has seldom seen. They talk of days for which they sit and wait and all will be revealed…  
  
_ ‘Well, it wasn’t your _son_ that turned it in. He ought to have reported him’. Sorry? Did the seven eye witnesses telling them that Koji was absolutely petrified not signify this may not be possible? ‘Well, it’s the way it is’. Yea. He knew that. 

Yamada lifted an improvement of 175 in the gym of his home. He wasn’t certain if it was improvement though or if he was just needing to recenter his anger into lifting heavy things. 

_Talk and song from tongues of lilting grace, whose sounds caress my ear. But not a word I heard could I relate, the story was quite clear. Oh, oh.  
  
_ “Woah there, Yagami, you’re making some of us eighty year olds look too bad.”  
  
Yamada glanced back, honestly a little surprised as Izumi Craig wandered in holding a bag. He’d given the guy a key just…in case. “Would’ve been nice to see them before they stopped touring, huh?”  
  
_All I see turns to brown, as the sun burns the ground. And my eyes fill with sand, as I scan this wasted land. Trying to find, trying to find where I've been.  
  
_ “Yea…I’d like to go back and do a whole lot of things over” Yamada muttered.  
  
_Oh, pilot of the storm who leaves no trace, like thoughts inside a dream. Heed the path that led me to that place, yellow desert stream. My Shangri-La beneath the summer moon, I will return again. Sure as the dust that floats high in June, when movin' through Kashmir._

Clicking off _his_ angry music, often thinking he kind of _did_ wish his music knew how to be as angry as his children’s had, he looked to Craig. “What brings you by?”  
  
“Just wanted to talk some information, if you’re interested.”  
  
Yamada’s brow creased as Craig settled on one of the benches they had. “Well, sure…”  
  
Settling across from him, Yamada made a face as Craig pulled out a bottle of Jack Daniel’s. “You know I don’t drink liquor, Craig.”  
  
“Correction, Yagami: I know you don’t drink liquor _anymore_ ” Craig drawled, pulling out two cups and pouring a bit into each, “But I think this once you’ve earned yourself a drink. I was busy but Cliff called me about a week ago then called back to tell me his wife is in pieces because apparently things didn’t work out with that…not remembering.”  
  
He hadn’t really ever thought Craig and his child would end up marrying. It seemed like some goofy sort of fate. “Koji usually doesn’t ignore Jill so I’m sure this has been a whirlwind for her.”  
  
Accepting the glass, he sipped the burning liquid. At most he drank a wee bit of rum in a pina colada because he was a fruity drinker now due to Dana. Alas, he had to admit pain was exactly what he needed right now. “So have you heard of ‘Forte’?”  
  
Yamada scowled, wracking his brain for a second before it came back, “Oh, that biological bullet that’s becoming an issue. Yea. What about it?”  
  
“What if I told you the Kamaishi have been developing it since 1969 and just got around to finishing it?”  
  
“Wouldn’t even surprise me, Craig” Yamada groaned, rubbing the side of his face, “…So is that how he’s got control of this situation? He’s supplying all these industries with weapons—he’s an arms dealer now.”  
  
“So it would seem. I just recommend you keep sending things to the police” Craig sighed, swirling his glass.  
  
Yamada scoffed, “Oh, you mean waste my time?”  
  
“Evidence is rarely a waste of time, friend. You have a copy of each of your reports signed and notarized at the station?”  
  
“Mm.”  
  
“Then keep turning it in. When it comes down to perhaps some…political pushings, it may be a little bit more damning if all the paperwork is straight.”  
  
He couldn’t help smirk, “Political pushings, huh? Funny after all these years I need the upper crust to help me when I’m supposedly one of the upper crust.”  
  
“Friends in other level places, brother, everyone needs at least one” Craig assured, holding out his glass. 

If that wasn’t the truth. Yamada sighed as he tapped his glass to Craig’s, “…Just double make sure you have access to everything should I need you.” 

“You know it.”  
  
He got through about half the bottle with him before realizing he was about to get pretty drunk and do something ridiculous. Before he went to bed though, he did call Popuri… 

“He’s…he’s okay.”  
  
Yamada squeezed the bridge of his nose, raising a brow, “S’okay? W-How is ‘is temperament?”  
  
Jesus, he sounded drunk. “Oh, uh, just…more crying. But he ate a bit so I think he’s getting better.”  
  
“That’s good” he forced out, “I…I would like to speak to him soon. I know he doesn’t want to see any of us but I…I wanna speak to him one on one like we were meant to.”  
  
“I’m sure he’d be fine with that, Yamada. I mean, he’s a little more coarse right now but he’s still the same Koji. Just…hurting.”  
  
“Under-understandable” he cleared his throat, his tongue heavy, “Thank you for…for taking care of him through this. I don’t think he’d ‘ave it any other way, of course.”  
  
“Koji’s my everything so I would never leave him through this…I’ll see you soon?”  
  
“Yes. G’night.”  
  
Clicking off, he wandered to take a shower, his head swimming as he dropped into bed. He peeked at his phone to see if he’d gotten any messages. Dana text that she was working late, a common occurrence right now as she struggled to accept that her dearest child was enraged with them. The other was from Domo. 

‘It was nice to see your son again, you know? We ought to meet up soon too’. 

Yamada stared at the phone before having to throw it down and falling into a deep intoxicated sleep. Not that drunk because if he’d had another glass? 

That message may have gotten a response. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

“…What?”  
  
Yagami Yamada stared at Dana as she idly made him a plate. From what he could tell, this was a Shin prepared dish of shrimp pilaf. One of Lyla’s favorites, he knew. His wife set the plate before him with a glass of wine, the two the only ones in the kitchen. She cleared her throat and went back to put the leftover’s away. “Koji got into a fight.”  
  
…Okay. “Did he tell you why?”  
  
“Does it matter?” she scowled, “He shouldn’t be fighting!”  
  
Yamada spooned a bit of the rice into his mouth, his brows furrowing. “Dana…call me an old Wasaba fellow but sometimes there _is_ a reason to fight. Did you just punish him?”  
  
“I smacked his hand with a ruler and sent him to his room” she grumbled. 

…Dana often jumped to conclusions about things. She knew she didn’t want her sons to drink or smoke or be promiscuous so any mention of such things was met with dismay. He saw it as practical as saying what was _wrong_ with those things and why they ought not do it but Dana thought it was just best to draw the line without explanation. It was oddly fascinating but though she was still far more liberal, a lot of what her own parents invoked in her remained. Their sons were going to do things, there was no getting around it… 

Sipping his white wine, the only alcoholic beverage he allowed himself, Yamada sighed, “Well, if it’s all the same to you, dear, I would like to ask what the fight was over before I go Catholic nun.”  
  
“Will violence _ever_ be the answer, Yamada?”  
  
“Sometimes.”  
  
She leered at him as he stood with his dishes to rinse. “Yamada, I think you know why I feel the way I do about putting fists on someone as being an answer so I would like it so we’re united on at least this front.”  
  
Yamada frowned at that, putting his plate in the dishwasher. “Sweetie…” 

…Well… “Dana…you were there when I nearly got stabbed for having yellow hair and blue eyes. Some violence occurs without reason and I can’t unite that we need to tell our children to step down if they feel physically threatened. If Koji tells me that he beat the kid up for absolutely no reason then I’m with you a hundred percent, then he’d be like all the people that fought me at his age. Thing is…I don’t think we raised that sort of child. There must be a reason.”  
  
His wife frowned slowly, crossing her arms as if seeming to deliberate. Finally, she sighed miserably, “…You’re right. And this is the fourth fight this quarter--”  
  
“Wait, _what_?”  
  
Yamada stared as Dana rubbed her wrist, looking away, “…He…may have gotten into…a few fights already this year?”  
  
… “And since when are we keeping our children’s problems secret?”  
  
“I…just didn’t want to concern you” she mumbled, “And…also because I figured you’d say it was due to the…” 

Okay? “Why?”  
  
“Because…he’s _angry_ , Yamada. That’s what the teacher said, he gets angry. So that’s why I just punished him, he’s taking his anger out inappropriately.” 

… “Here. Let me talk to him” Yamada muttered. 

She got the implicit ‘alone’ from his tone of voice, thankfully. Why yes, he would claim it was due to Koji’s latent feelings they had buried by some mental magician. All day, in fact. However, regardless, they couldn’t just push this under the rug or rap his knuckles to hope it goes away. 

He just…hoped he wasn’t taking his rage out on others. 

Yamada hugged Jill when he went upstairs, his nine-year-old daughter. She giggled and told him all about her day of playing hopscotch and watching anime. He chuckled and told her it sounded good. She blinked up at him with her big blue eyes, “You’re not going to yell at nii-chan are you?”  
  
“Well…hopefully not. Why?”  
  
“They were being mean to me” Jill pouted. 

What? She scurried off when Tony announced something or the other they watched was on. Sailor Moon, he believed. Raising a brow, he slowly walked toward Koji’s room. The door was closed, something he had to get used to for all three of his boys but…well, they were at that age. He knocked. “Koji, may I come in?”  
  
“Sure.”  
  
Opening the door, Yamada blinked at Koji, his back to him as he lied in bed. Thirteen. Thirteen years old. It was…purely a marvel. He absently sat in Koji’s desk chair. Somehow, he recalled that age and, had he had a father at the time, he didn’t think he’d want him coming to sit on the bed to talk to him. It saddened him as _the_ father but…he got it. “Um, so…your mom told me you’ve been getting into some fights lately.”  
  
“Mm.”  
  
“I…I know she smacked you and told you not to do it but I…I figured you might have a reason for it. Not to mention, Jill just said it was something to do with her. What happened?”  
  
Koji shifted his feet a little but didn’t say anything. He was broody. Yamada hadn’t featured the anger so much but he could tell his son was just kind of mellowed and angst-ridden. Not that Yamada didn’t get it but… 

“Some guy from my school said that when Jill grew up to be about thirteen, he was going to take her and bang her.”  
  
… 

Yamada forgot to blink as Koji finally made his admission. For, this was simply not going to occur and he probably would have thrown said child out of a window from any variable height. Regaining his composure, he cleared his throat. “I…suppose that made you angry?”  
  
“Y’think?” growled Koji silently, “That’s my baby sister. No one talks about my mama or baby sister like that. And I won’t apologize and I won’t stop. Mama can beat my hand blue for all I care.”  
  
“Mm.”  
  
Leaning forward, he rubbed his hands together. “Look, Koji…people are gonna say things, okay? Your whole life, people are gonna say things that’ll…that’ll make you angry. You can’t beat them up every time.”  
  
“Easy for you to say. You’re never angry” Koji spat.  
  
When and where did this mythical not angry version of himself exist? He’d like to meet him. Yamada groaned internally. Of course, being that that mythical version of himself was what he wanted to portray to his children as to not rub off years of bitter rage and anger, he guessed he _was_ that guy. Ho boy. 

“I…get angry” Yamada offered.  
  
“Ha! When?”  
  
“Um…times.” All the time. He had to stop himself from screaming about five times today at work. “I just…have to recenter my anger because I know it won’t help those around me. I try not to show it to other people.”  
  
“You’re just a tool, dad.”  
  
“God, I know” he groaned loudly, clenching his head. When? This wasn’t even healthy anymore, he was that guy…Mr. Rogers. 

Surprisingly though, Koji laughed. It wasn’t something they heard much anymore. “You’re funny. Maybe you’re right. Maybe I am the problem.”  
  
“No, no, I don’t mean _that_. I just…I just want you to be able to healthily handle your anger, okay? Believe me if you want to or not, but I understand, sometimes people just…anger us. And we do something crazy like punch them into the ground. I…I get it, okay? I just…I just want you to back away from that anger sometimes in that moment and think what you can do differently and if they’re really worth it. Not every fight is worth the consequence.”  
  
Koji fell quiet and Yamada assumed their chat was over. About to take his leave, Koji finally turned over to face him. 

Dana told him recently that she was a little startled when Koji had come into her work room to ask if he could go out with some friends a little later than usual. ‘The way he stood, the way he looked…he looked completely like young you. I was mystified’. Maybe. He saw it less because to him Koji looked like his wife with those beautiful dark eyes and dark hair. Of course he saw himself too. But, of itself, he more felt the pain, anger, and bitter hatred with a world that wasn’t going to understand him. That…that was what he thought they shared. 

Yamada swallowed as Koji looked at him, his eyes half closed, “…Why am I so angry? Nelly’s not angry, Shin’s not angry. Why me? What do I even have to be angry at? It’s not even just Jill and mama people talk about, sometimes it’s just everything. What’s wrong with me?”  
  
In this twisted world they’d unfolded, he couldn’t answer that. He couldn’t say ‘you have all the right in the world to be angry’ or ‘you shouldn’t be angry at people for things they didn’t do’. He was angry because none of his anger had been worked through. It’d been buried and was festering beneath the surface. How did Yamada explain that? 

Rubbing his hands together, Yamada murmured, “…You’re human, son. I…I think you’re more sensitive to the things around you. And…I know it’ll be difficult but if you can be a bit more introspective, more…choosy with what you choose to spend your anger on, things…things should work out just fine, okay?”  
  
“…Okay.”  
  
What bullshit. 

Yamada got up with the anger he was telling his own son to suppress. ‘Push back that horrible upset and rage you have, son, it’ll work out!’. Yea, terrific advice, _doctor_. What’d you really just give him, huh? More problems? 

…You’re his father. Yamada pursed his lips as his beeper paged him to go _back_ to work due to some emergency. Those were the sorts of things he could help. His own home? Oh no. Pausing in the doorway, his hand rested on the knob, he cleared his throat. “I…I know I’m busy all the time, Koji. But…if you ever need to talk about what makes you upset, just…you can tell me, okay?”  
  
“Sure.”  
  
…This…wasn’t going the way he’d hoped. No…no loving father would lie like this. 

What would he say when the bomb drops? 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

Yagami Yamada had rarely been put in a place such as this, where he was truly and sincerely speechless about what it was he ought to say. Popuri had let him in before announcing she was going to go check on Nelly. An angel, really. For Nelly to have yelled at her that way and still go check on him, it was simply…so kind. Acts like that really did move him. He didn’t…necessarily always understand. 

Koji was at least in bed when he saw him, his son wearing a black hoodie, hood up. His face appeared even more ominous.”…What…can you possibly want?” 

He wasn’t sure. Just to see if he was okay? Or come up with more excuses? Yamada cleared his throat and dragged a nearby chair to the very end of the bed, figuring proximity was not something Koji would want right now.  
  
“…I…have some things to admit.”  
  
“Little late now, father.”  
  
Grimacing, he nervously twiddled his thumbs, “No, I mean…things you may and may not remember.”  
  
“Oh, you mean there’s MORE I’m missing, huh? Great.”  
  
Yamada stared at him for a moment, remembering how his son would just miserably lie in the bed when they were at the hospital and subsequent hotel. He sounded so hopeless then too and they’d just come full complete circle.  
  
“…I wanna be brutally honest, Koji. And I don’t know if you’re at the stage to handle that.”  
  
Koji just glared at him but not waveringly so. Well. “I didn’t really think you were my kid, Koji.”  
  
His glare did falter a bit, a little bit of confusion entering his eyes. Yamada continued, “You know those terrible pictures of me holding you and your brother as a baby? I looked like an idiot because I was under the thought Domo was your father.”  
  
“And this matters because?”  
  
“It’d sound like an excuse, Koji, but it’s the truth. If I’d known I’d have taken you from Dana right then and there, you and Nerimaru.”  
  
Koji rolled his eyes. Yea, it wasn’t really comforting. Woulda, shoulda. “You handled the trial like you do everything else. Matter of fact, blunt. I think if you hadn’t had the courage to take the stand Domo would have been free.”  
  
“As fascinating as this really is, father, I am pretty certain this is nothing I want to hear. Not from you.”  
  
“What would you like to hear then?” he asked softly.  
  
His dark eyes creased a bit before shaking his head. “No, what? Koji, it’s open now, just ask.”  
  
“…Where was mother?”  
  
Oh. Yamada bit his lip and slowly looked down to his hands. Oh yea. Koji scoffed, “Oh, look: ‘it’s open now, Koji’. Except where it’s not. Who are you protecting this time? Not me so who’s the poor victim this time?”  
  
…Maybe he didn’t remember everything? “Your mother.”  
  
Koji started to turn over, probably trying to signal this conversation was over. Alas… “You told me when you were in the hospital after we found out that we have to protect the women.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“That’s what you said. You said that…that people treat everyone badly but people like him, they treat the women especially badly. You were really worried about Jill because…because of your mother.”  
  
There was a thick silence. Koji must have been trying to remember that or the source. Finally, he muttered, “You should go, dad.”  
  
“…Okay.”  
  
Standing, Yamada could feel cloying in his chest, a heavy pull of dismay. He hadn’t…really accomplished what he wanted. He…he really just wanted to say ‘I’m so sorry’. 

“Dad?”  
  
Yamada paused. In the spans of the conversation he’d gone from ‘father’ to ‘dad’. “Yes, Koji?”  
  
“So that thing about you saving me and Nelly in the hospital when we were babies, that was fake? If you didn’t think we were your sons or whatever.” 

“What? Of course not. Koji…no matter what may have happened, I…I value your life. And no matter what I had felt then I got over it because you were Dana’s children to me then and I’m…I’m so glad I did.”  
  
“Somehow I’m not.”  
  
… “I did want you to promise me then that you not die, Koji. I asked that you stick around and find your happiness. Except for this moment, except for this, Koji…I was so happy when you did. Please…don’t forget that.”  
  
Yamada walked out of the room…but was a little anxious to leave without Popuri there. No, it…it wasn’t that he thought… 

No. He walked out, full of faith. His son knew what he meant at the end of the day. It was the same thing that kept Yamada going at the end of it all. He’d… 

He’d have given up a long time ago without them. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

**End Notes:**

Yamada’s siblings are from the upcoming Story of Seaons. Carrie and Wayne don’t seem to be related in the game but, hey, they’re…blond.  
  
Yamada is listening to Kashmir by Led Zeppelin. 


	12. Anchor

**Chapter 12:** Anchor   
  
**Author’s Note** : **_ Trigger warnings. Continue to proceed with caution. Violence.   
  
_ ** XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_Koji just remembered having a bad day. Someone said something about Sai and he just…got moody. It was his last year of school before graduating and going to college and he hadn’t been in a fight all year. He was doing good.  
  
Well… _

_He was sitting in the lunch room with Keiba, Corey, and some other guys they knew. Nelly wasn’t around or off doing God knows what. The guy that said something about Sai and how Koji was probably the one that infected her, as ignorant and hurtful as they could possibly be, was standing about five feet away.  
  
Apparently he told some other guy that the fourteen-year-old Yagami sister was gorgeous. A real ‘dime’ or something and when she got another two years on her, she was prime pickings. Like Koji’s baby sister was a fucking piece of fruit. Koji swallowed slowly as he listened to his portable CD player to drown out the noise.   
  
**It’s just one of those days where you don't want to wake up. Everything is fucked; everybody sucks. You don't really know why but you want to justify rippin' someone's head off. No human contact. And if you interact, your life is on contract. Your best bet is to stay away, motherfucker. It's just one of those days.** _

_Shin had gone off to boot camp instead of college so, as of right now, Koji couldn’t really reach out to their calming sibling. Even if he was kind of sanctimonious, out of all of them, Shin spoke the most sense…  
_   
**_It's all about the he-says, she-says bullshit. I think you better quit, let the shit slip. Or you'll be leaving with a fat lip. It's all about the he-says, she-says bullshit. I think you better quit, talking that shit…_ **   
  
_The anger was like this tensing coil though. It wasn’t like he wanted to hide it, he just didn’t want it to be like he was insanely moody and couldn’t control it. He didn’t want to have to go straight to violence every time. ‘I bet when he stuck his prick in her, he gave ‘er something. You know they say that family’s cursed or something’.  
_   
**_Its just one of those days, feeling like a freight train. First one to complain leaves with a bloodstain. Damn right I'm a maniac. You better watch your back ‘cause I'm fucking up your program. And then you’re stuck up. You just lucked up. Next in line to get fucked up. Your best bet is to stay away motherfucker. It's just one of those days…_ **   
  
_Diana, sister of the late Sai, didn’t say anything, actually, and tried to reassure him that Sai had leukemia. Nothing transmitted, nothing to do with him. In fact, she most likely had had it since she was in Germany, it just went undiagnosed. Just…little things…like that…_

**_It's all about the he-says, she-says bullshit. I think you better quit, let the shit slip. Or you'll be leaving with a fat lip. It's all about the he-says, she-says bullshit. I think you better quit, talking that shit, punk, so come and get it._ **   
  
_“I bet their sister rides like a slut. You know blonde girls are like that, especially those half-American chicks!”  
  
Koji looked up from his hands, staring at this multi-offense prick standing across from him, not black and blue on the ground. Not worth it, Koji.   
_   
**_I feel like shit. My suggestion, is to keep your distance ‘cause right now I'm dangerous. We've all felt like shit…and been treated like shit. All those motherfuckers that want to step up. I hope you know, I pack a chainsaw…I'll skin your ass raw._ **

_But always…about sexualizing his fucking baby sister and belittling his dead girlfriend’s memory…_

**_And if my day keeps going this way, I just might break something tonight. I pack a chainsaw, I'll skin your ass raw. And if my day keeps going this way, I just might break something tonight…I pack a chainsaw, I'll skin your ass raw._ **

_The others around him saw the writing on the wall. He was still laughing like a jackass but they saw Koji. They saw it building. They knew…Koji knew he could do better. Better when they all thought…it was okay…to treat his sister…and late girlfriend…_

**_And if my day keeps going this way, I just might_** **break your fucking face tonight _._**

_Keiba and Corey had been chatting but he guessed he caught them off guard when he literally flipped the table over and then practically flew across the room. The son of a bitch’s friends had completely fled as Koji tackled him to the ground.  
_   
**_Give me something to break. Just give me something to break. How ‘bout your fucking face?_**   
_  
He didn’t break him like he did Namara Eiichi. He could have. He would have. It was Diana who came and screamed at him that Sai knew he could do better. Maybe. Probably not. _

_He was always just seemed to be…drifting between a storm of emotions.  
  
Why? _

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_“…If I promise you that it’ll get better, Koji, will you believe me? There…there are going to be so many bumps and pain you’ll face growing up but will you believe me when I say it can get better? That…that you can find happiness? I…I never thought I’d be happy either. I…I gave up too. But now, I…I have you all and everything is better. You’re what I live for.”  
  
“What do I live for?”   
  
“I dunno yet. Maybe…maybe you can find it in your heart to stick around and find out?”   
  
_ …Mm. 

Koji stared out the window from his bed, dreary. It was sort of funny, really. The memories came in really clear for him now. He guessed since they’d been buried so long it was like finding a brand new manuscript that hadn’t been touched or muddied by the ages. He…didn’t prefer this. Just at least his dad was telling the truth, he supposed.   
  
In the distance, he heard the doorbell ring. What was it he lived for at the end of the day?   
  
“Grandpapa Koji!”   
  
Oh God. Koji smiled weakly as his youngest grandchild, Hideyoshi Chika, leaped into the room, jumping on the bed. “Grandpapa play!”   
  
“O-Oh, sweetie!”   
  
Popuri quickly came in, looking mortified. “C’mon, sweetie plum. Grandpapa’s not feeling well.”   
  
Chika pouted petulantly before looking to him deeply. Those scarlet eyes. The same as her mother’s and grandmother’s… 

Before he could say anything, Chika actually pulled the blanket above his neck and patted his head, kissing his forehead. “Grandpapa better.”   
  
She slipped off the bed and scurried to Popuri to take her hand, his wife cooing and praising her for being so understanding. Koji gazed after them, feeling absolutely and utterly lifeless. Except… 

He wasn’t ready. Not in the slightest. Koji staggered to his feet, wearily wandering toward the bathroom. He wasn’t…sure he could ever be ready to get back up again. But…   
  
Washing up and getting presentable, he meandered down the steps. It wasn’t just Rosa but Keiji, Celia, Kaede, and Miru. All of his…brood. 

They looked up when he appeared and he wondered if they knew. Had someone told them? He…he wasn’t sure if he wanted their concern or pity. Or for Rosa to relive that through another person. Alas, Rosa stood, concerned about _other_ things, “Oh papa, I’m sorry, you shouldn’t be up. Chika just got excited, was all.”   
  
“Well, of course I’m happy to see my little lady too” he assured, looking around. “Where is she?”   
  
“Mama took her to the store really fast” Rosa assured, taking his arm to have him sit, “Are you doing okay? You look pale. Mama said you haven’t been feeling well for a while now.”   
  
Koji nodded as Kaede pouted, “If you need anything, you tell us, okay? I’m sorry I haven’t been by but the kids and the store have been such a handful.”   
  
“Yea…” Keiji sighed, “I’ve had back to back cases. I didn’t even realize we _haven’t_ been having dinner night since you got sick.”   
  
“It is way harder to keep up with you with Rosa and I in the U.S., dad. I am sorry” Miru offered softly. 

“No, no, it’s fine” he waved his hands.   
  
Celia stood, “I’ll make you some coffee.”   
  
“What? That’s--”   
  
These knuckleheads. He wouldn’t know if they did or didn’t know because this would be how they’d act if he was physically sick regardless, groaning when Rosa had him lie down and prop up his feet. “Guys, _really_ , I am fine.”   
  
Hardly. At all. In no realm was he ‘fine’ but his legacy here wouldn’t have that. He was having the hell coddled out of him for essentially nothing. They didn’t know daddy’s deep dark past but that he was down in the dumps or ill and they wanted to take care of him. When Popuri got back with Chika, she squealed, “Kochi, what are you doing?!”   
  
Like he couldn’t come downstairs! “I came to visit with our children, Popuri.”   
  
“Oh, uh…”   
  
“Grandpapa better!” Chika declared, scurrying to him. 

Koji smiled as much as he could, letting her sit in his lap, “Just a little bit, princess.”   
  
“Hey mama, we’ll help you get dinner made” Kaede offered, standing to help the woman with groceries.   
  
“You?” Keiji echoed.   
  
Koji’s oldest son laughed as Kaede punched him in the hip, Popuri smirking at the two and telling them to ‘quit that’. Rosa kissed his forehead and said she was going to help too before advising Chika that ‘grandpapa can’t chase you around and play horsey with you’ right now. Chika was okay with this. “We watch anime.”   
  
Miru snickered and pulled up some show on Netflix that was age appropriate. He wanted to be asleep right now. Hard and out asleep. Rosa brought Chika a bowl of strawberries and his princess fed him some. He listened to the laughter of his family in the kitchen, the family that he had a hand in raising and seeing coming to be the people they were today. Miru told him about how his development with a game was going, speaking about insecurities and worries that were acceptable. He…he didn’t have those right now. 

He wasn’t sure what triggered it exactly, maybe the way Chika ran and playfully screamed. His granddaughter got to be innocent and carefree and that…made him glad. But at the same time, he felt…so broken…he had to excuse himself to go back to his room. He wasn’t fine. He wasn’t okay. 

When the door opened, he was scared it was his children. Not that he was afraid to let them see him like this but the reasons ‘why’. He…he couldn’t explain this to them. Maybe he never would. However, it was Popuri and she locked the door behind her before coming over to hug him. He trembled, “I’m-I’m okay, Po. I’m okay.”   
  
“You don’t have to be, Kochi. I can tell the kids you aren’t feeling well and that you won’t be joining us for dinner. I’ll bring you something up.”   
  
Dropping his head, he shook it. “No, just…just tell them I had to take a phone call for a moment and I’ll be down. I’ll…I’ll get it together.”   
  
“…Okay.”   
  
Of course, maybe ten minutes later, he heard tiny rabbit taps against the door. Chika. Wiping his face, he miserably wandered over to tell her ‘grandpapa will be back soon’. What shocked him was she was absolutely _panicked_. “Grandpapa!! Grandpapa!! Rat on television!! Rat!!”   
  
“Woah, woah” he yelped as she tried to climb his leg, quickly grabbing her before she fell, “Baby, hey, hey, what? Rat?”   
  
“Chika?”   
  
Quickly closing the door when Rosa called for her daughter, afraid she’d come and see his face, he called, “Hey princess, I got her, she’s good. We’ll be down in a little while, okay?”   
  
“Oh, okay, papa!”   
  
Rubbing Chika’s back as she wept so miserably, he sighed gravely. Well…it was hard to be melancholy _and_ grandpapa at the same time, it seemed. He kissed the top of her head and sat on the bed. She was so tiny. So very tiny…to think…he’d have been little bigger than she was…   
  
“Lez nap, grandpapa. The world bad.”   
  
_What_ ? Somehow he had to laugh a little at his granddaughter’s weird misanthropic take on things. “You’re right, pumpkin. The world can be pretty bad. Let’s take a short nap and go have dinner.”   
  
Curling up in bed with her, he set his clock for thirty minutes. Chika was out like a light. He wanted his whole life back. He…he wanted to be whole again. He wanted this to make him happy. He wanted it to be when he and Chika got up that he’d feel complete joy going to eat with his family. 

That was just it though. It was ‘joy’ because these were the people that made him feel good. When he got up and ate, it felt good in the vein that his family was still together. They had made it through each and all of their storms battered but not destroyed. And here he sat at the head of the table with this lingering shadow strangling him, killing him. He didn’t…feel he had a right… 

He forced a smile as the kids laughed about something but he felt like he was choking. This was different. This was entirely different because not once had he found himself not renewed by his legacy. Not once did they not completely remind him this was one of the reasons he lived for. Not…once.   
  
His daughters hugged him while his sons lingered quietly behind them, seeming upset because he was not himself right now. He hadn’t managed to say much of anything because he couldn’t even completely invest in anything they said. The ghost of decades just wouldn’t let him. Kissing the top of their heads, he murmured, “I’ll be better soon, okay? I love you all so much. I’m sorry I was such a downer tonight.”   
  
Of course they tried to assure him he wasn’t but he was. He didn’t like this. He didn’t like that…that all he wanted to do now was go upstairs and crawl into bed. 

Chika tugged the bottom of his pants, trying to get his attention. He kneeled to her height so she could pat his hands solemnly, “Grandpapa feel better. World not bad.”   
  
…No. Not all the time. He gave her a smile and kissed her forehead, “You’re right, princess. It’s not.” 

Popuri saw them off but he was completely and absolutely exhausted, almost crawling back up the steps to pull back on his hoodie and sweatpants and bury himself under the sheets. After a while, Popuri came up and got prepared for bed as well. He felt her crawl in next to him and turn off the light. She got him a light to keep on because it…it was at its worst in the darkness. Everything…everything succumbed him, every memory, every single thought. 

“Kochi?”   
  
“Mm?”   
  
“…Never mind. Good night, sweetie.”   
  
No. She wanted to ask if he was feeling resentful of his children, of his family life now. She probably wondered had he known about this coming up would he have reached this point, would he have had a family. No. Probably not. They were now a reminder of the success he was able to have without this burden. 

He turned over to stare at the back of Popuri’s head as she slept before creeping a bit closer to rest in the curve of her back. It took him a bit of time to realize he could not merely live for them. At least, before this. He often thought that at times, that his life centered completely around them. And, to some extent, that was still correct. Just he accepted that a part of him was doing that for himself. He could have very well been a happy playboy bachelor should it have struck him as the path to life. His family…wasn’t his purpose. 

No, they were…his anchors. They made his own established purposes solid and firm, immobile. They meant the absolute world to him. Had he…not had them with this, he would have drifted away or shattered apart from the storm. The ship…was very much damaged. It could still sink with all the anchors in life he had. 

Just…he weathered the storm a little better with them here. At the end of the day, his wife, his daughters, his sons, his grandchildren, his siblings—they did make this ambiguity for life feel a little less contrasted. 

His dad…was wrong for being a part of shading the memories. Just…he was right that he found the parts that made him hold on from losing his will to keep going.   
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

‘ _Isn’t it funny, Yagami? The Kamaishi killed the father and the son with Hamasaki.’_

Yagami Yamada sat on the bench in the gym in his basement, holding his phone limply in his hand, slumped over as he stared at the mockery. 

_‘Isn’t it funny, Yagami? The Kamaishi killed the father and the son with Hamasaki.’_

To be perfectly honest, Yamada thought in his younger years that at some point it’d stop. He imagined he was just being overdramatic or pessimistic. He thought that time would ease its fury with memories of something that happened basically sixty or so years ago. No…no. To this very day, time struck at random intervals to make him remember every bloody second of it. Every bloodgiven second of that carnage. He still was paralyzed. He was still cold. 

_‘Isn’t it funny, Yagami? The Kamaishi killed the father and the son with Hamasaki.’_

Yamada smiled as he slowly rose to his feet, taking a deep breath before breaking into a jog around the room. Wasn’t it funny, Yagami? Wasn’t it funny how my family killed the father and the son of the Hamasaki family? Wasn’t it _hilarious_ to murder 69 people? Just absolutely a chuckle. 

That was the thing in Yamada’s old age. When he sat down and thought about every single thing Hamasaki Shin did up until his death, that was not a human being he should have been able to still think of as his best friend. His best friend that stole from the yakuza when he thought it was him involved, when it could have been purported as his fault should Kamaishi Domo have been there _that_ day. His best friend that had been strung out enough to go and assault his pregnant wife just to get another high. His best friend that, when he really, really sat down and thought about it, _allowed_ Hisakawa’s gang to beat him for his indiscretion. Didn’t say ‘stop’ or even anything. When he thought about it more, he _told_ Yamada they were going to rape his mother. He didn’t say ‘don’t do that’, ‘why would you do such an awful thing?’, _quit_ when he heard them discuss the plot _._ ‘Oh hey, man, they’re going to try to assault your mother’. Didn’t even _come with him_. And to top it all off, that miserable human being, his best friend, traded Yamada’s wife for his own potential safety. Not one damn about it. He watched that monster shoot 68 people and thought ‘if I tell them, they won’t kill me’. That…that was the person Yamada thought of as his ‘best friend’. 

_‘Isn’t it funny, Yagami? The Kamaishi killed the father and the son with Hamasaki.’_

Yamada hadn’t been that close to snapping in a very long time. 

Funny. Real _riot_. To kill the father and in turn kill the son. The father that was wrong and the son that was wrong. They both couldn’t get away from the trap. Wasaba was a trap. It still was. The graduation rates were up from the single digits, at least, but at a grand whopping eighteen percent. Japan didn’t even acknowledge such a place existed in their statistics because that was a whopper. 82 percent of their citizens did not even get a basic education and then they got involved in crime. Crime rates were down though. From sixty percent in the seventies to about forty percent now. The trap was still there.   
  
“Yama?”   
  
He paused his run, finding Dana standing in the doorway. She wasn’t looking well lately. It’d been about two, three weeks since he went to visit Koji. That was about a month and some days removed for his wife. Koji hadn’t tried to call her once. Nor him, but… 

Jogging back around to her, Yamada frowned as he got closer. “What’s wrong?”   
  
“Why are you working out so much?”   
  
“It relaxes me.”   
  
She gazed at him wearily. Well, nothing was relaxing her. Hugging her shoulders, he kissed the top of her head. “C’mon, I’ll cut it short tonight and we can go to bed.”   
  
Dana didn’t say anything, just walking along sadly as he followed her up the steps. He took a quick shower before coming back to find her sitting on the bed stiffly, lost in thought. With a sigh, Yamada wandered closer and reached out to start unbuttoning her dress. She leered at him. “There is _no way_ you can want--”   
  
“I don’t. I’m going to give you a back massage. You’re tense.”   
  
Dana gave him a look but ultimately didn’t object, stretching across the bed on her stomach as he kneaded the muscles in her back. He was glad he got her to come home more from the shop now. She wasn’t prone to eating or sleeping there when her ‘creative juices’ got running. He couldn’t imagine what she was doing now. 

He smiled when he heard her light breathing, looking over to make sure she was actually asleep. Good. Kissing the back of her head, he got her tucked in and lied down himself. Before he dozed off, he stared at the text before pressing his phone against his lips. 

_‘Isn’t it funny, Yagami? The Kamaishi killed the father and the son with Hamasaki.’_

Domo didn’t care one thing about Hamasaki Shin or his father. He knew that’d been a point of contention, what made Yamada come against him that fateful night. He thought he was being underhanded. 

He meant to destroy a father and son…and it had nothing to do with the Hamasaki. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_Hear me spit on you wither I remold into gold and bury; I from Sun. Reborn left to sigh, recure maybe I'll be born and simplify the way I lie before. I get bored. I get bored. I get bored. I'm bored…_

Yagami Yamada stood in the doorway of Koji’s…private wing of sort. Shin had one, Nelly had one, and the other three were getting there too. Seemed the ‘popular’ thing to do for the sibling group was to have one room for sleeping and clothes, another room for studying, and just a play room. Three rooms for each kid was pretty ridiculous but…well, it had been a waste of sorts to have this many rooms. 

Koji really should _not_ be smoking. Of ALL of his children, no matter _none_ of them should be smoking, Koji was the one that _shouldn’t._ Alas, he was sitting in his oversized bean bag, really the top of his head and the billowing smoke the only thing Yamada saw of him. 

_Repent by you and trust to figure out. I burn that gift to doll and let it shine before. I get bored. I get bored. I get bored. I wish for a real one!_

…His son’s music alluded him greatly. Back in his day, they weren’t this vocal about their anger. All of Koji’s music was angry…but he guessed…that’s what helped him cope. 

_Fit and confide, before me or I…I will come clean. It gets worse; it's more. Get bored! I get bored! I get bored! A wish for a real one!_

_Get bored! Get bored! Get bored! I wish for a real one…_

Okay. Clearing his throat so Koji could hear him before the next screaming match started, he called, “Son?”   
  
“…Sorry, dad. I got mad.”   
  
Yamada grimaced. Sitting in a chair behind Koji, he rubbed his hands together, “I…I’m not going to say ‘it’s okay’ because it’s _not_ but…hey, it’s…it’s been two years. That’s really good. A lot of improvement.”   
  
“Dad.”   
  
… “Koji, I…I want you to not get into fights. But…I also don’t want you to beat yourself up too much. You’re…your father’s son in a lot of ways.”   
  
“Dad, you’ve probably never been in a fight in your life or done anything wrong.”   
  
Yamada lightly leered at the back of his head. Well…that was his fault. His children all thought he was this great pacifist saint healer whose hands were as clean as unblemished snow because he didn’t tell them he used to get into more a fights a day than he had meals sometimes. Or that to this very second he thought maybe _one_ drag off that cigarette wouldn’t be so bad… 

…He found it hard to share that part of himself though. If he’d met Dana when he had it all together he probably would have never told her either. 

…This was the son though that he allowed to have a part of himself locked up. Yamada didn’t have that right completely. “…Koji, I know for a fact you and your brothers go into Wasaba despite my implicit request you _don’t_. I was born and raised there. I got into…some fights.”   
  
“What? Weren’t you from North Wasaba? There’s nothing going on there.”   
  
“I was from _West_ Wasaba. Things are _still_ going on there.” 

Koji finally looked back at him, his expression a little puzzled. Yea, his town was…better. Ever so slightly. Twenty years later and drugs were still too big an issue. Five years back, there was a massacre that challenged the one that haunted Yamada’s dreams to this very day, sixty people being gunned down in gang violence. Yamada…hadn’t been back in years. At this point, he would drive around Wasaba before he went through it. He…he did donate money along with Mina and Kari so they’d actually have that high school they joked about so long ago. Only Mina and Kari went back and talked to the kids though… 

Glum, he shook his head, “…You’ll be okay, Koji. College…you’ll be dealing with people that are going to have to mature or fail. They won’t spend time trying to instigate your anger. Hopefully they have _better_ things to do. I…I don’t know what exactly you’re feeling but I don’t want you to be discouraged.”   
  
“…Never that.”   
  
“Good. And…if it makes you feel better, if it didn’t raise a lot of questions, I might’ve beaten that boy up myself.” Yamada literally feared for his daughter every time she went out due to these types of lunatics. Who raised them to think this was acceptable? 

“Ha! It’ll take more than your Wasaba cred for me to imagine you throwing a punch, pop, but I guess it does.”   
  
God. But fair enough. He stood and wandered away, Koji turning on more of his angst over the stereo. Yamada looked back and remembered sitting in his room with his record player, listening to music and smoking just to keep himself out of trouble. He…he also got tired of fighting. 

…He had wanted to keep his son away from all that. In the end, it…it hadn’t worked at all, had it? 

That was his fault. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

An anchor. “A heavy device that is attached to a boat or ship by a rope or chain and that is thrown into the water to hold the boat or ship in place”. Koji thought about that when he was lying in bed. It’d been nearing two months and he hadn’t done much of anything or talked to anyone but Popuri and his children to avoid suspicion. 

He needed to move sometimes. He felt weakness sinking in and he just…needed to put his two feet on the ground sometimes. So he wandered around his house, his safe domain. Sometimes he’d go out on the deck at night. He didn’t feel like going far. 

So, on a Friday, he was just lying in bed, staring into the silence of it all when his phone rang. He picked it up to stare at the number but it wasn’t in his contacts, he didn’t recognize it. He didn’t answer. They called again. And again. 

Finally, he picked it up to tell whomever to stop. He was tired. That’s what it was now, mental and physical exhaustion. He’d had enough time to recount just about everything. Except, there were a couple blank spots. The main one that stuck to him was the one of his mother running away and him screaming for her not to go. That…that he could not piece together a beginning. He had the middle. He had the end. 

Pressing the phone to his ear, he opened his mouth. He didn’t get a chance to speak. “Hello, Koji.”   
  
A cold chill clenched his spine. His tongue went dry as he completely froze. Why? Why did he have his number? “You know, Koji, your family is just so damn _successful._ Everyone! It’s like some sort of miracle for a parent out of the gutter to have so many good children. It just makes me wonder.”   
  
Why? Why was this happening? Why was he talking? What did Domo want from him? What was this? 

“You know who I saw while I was in the Subami district? A girl that looks a lot like you somehow. A woman, I should say. Selling art. You know, I used to talk to your mother about art. They had this lovely painting in the Kobayashi foyer. Talent, I told her, was commendable. Commendable… but all in all worthless. I wonder what your daughter’s opinion of that would be. Well, just a thought. Good speaking to you.” 

_Fuck no_ . 

Koji clamored to his feet, darting for his dresser and throwing on pants and a shirt as quickly as possible. No. No, no, _no_. 

God, where was Popuri? He _needed_ her. He wasn’t _capable_ enough for this. Give him _anyone else_. _ANYONE._ If it were just _someone else_ , he’d go _break them_. This was someone that had broken _him_ for _two months_. 

His car was sputtering, unused to being driven as it’d been that long. He could only feel and hear his heartbeat as he jetted across the bridge toward Subami, hoping, _praying_ , that bastard hadn’t called while looking into Kaede’s gallery. He just…what was he going to _do_? 

Parking haphazardly in front of the store, even cutting some people off, Koji rushed full force through the doors, panting and out of breath already. Here goes. 

“Eh? Papa?”   
  
He breathed hard as Kaede stood with one of her fellow artists, apparently discussing something before he burst in here like a mad man. She gave him the biggest smile as she approached. “Hi! It’s good to see you out and about, papa!”   
  
Koji smiled weakly and accepted her hug, quickly looking around at all the patrons. Was…was he here? “T-Thank you, princess. It-it’s good…to be out.”   
  
She frowned, rubbing his arm, “Are you okay? You’re out of breath and your heart is racing. Come sit, I’ll get you something to drink, okay?”   
  
“A-Ah, let me come with you, okay?”   
  
“Oh, all right.”   
  
Following her to the room they had for snacks and coffee, she got him a cup of water. He peered and stared into every shadow and there was no one. Was he…was he waiting outside? He hadn’t seen him, where was he? 

Kaede sat him down in the front and told him to ‘relax’, that he’d pressed himself too hard. He squeezed her hand, relieved nonetheless. “It’s good to see you, Kaede.”   
  
Her smile returned. “You too, papa. You hang out as long as you like.”   
  
He sipped the water, glaring out of the window. That’s exactly what he intended to do. It…it was awful when it was him. Just…awful and debilitating and unthinkable. But no way on this Earth was that man hurting his daughter. He may have been broken but he was still her papa when all was said and done. No matter…no matter who or what this monster was, he…he was not going to let him hurt any of his family. His…anchors in life. 

His phone rang. 

Staring at the number, he had to take the first rings before it went to voicemail to cope with the voice he was about to hear. The one that was haunting his nightmares and every thought. He didn’t want to answer. He wanted it all to go away. Just…this wasn’t going to stand. Clenching his eyes shut, he hit send and pressed it to his ear. 

“But, personally, for me, your daughter is absolutely meaningless to me. Did all right, I suppose, married some man everyone thinks is this magnificent chef but in reality is just some reformed art thief. The artist and the art thief. Sounds like a movie, wouldn’t you say?”   
  
…How’d he…know about Steiner…?   
  
“When all is said and done, I have to go back to the one true source of all this, you know? She didn’t have much to live up to. Just had to keep her legs shut, is all. She could have had _some_ fun but fucking around with a hafu? Just pathetic. Disgusting, really. _Filthy_. And that’s all your family stems from is, Koji, just a legacy of _filth_. And you’re just all so God damned _successful._ It’s a miracle, really, and what I really want is to meet up with my former wife for old times. You know, _mommy_ , the one that ran away and left you to little ol’ me.”   
  
Koji stared as Domo hung up, looking outside. It was a blue sky out right now. It was a rather nice day, wasn’t it? He hadn’t felt a nice day in two months. He told her he didn’t want to. When he asked why they were at the doctor, she actually said ‘so they can fix your memories’. He didn’t want them ‘fixed’. He wanted to remember this monster tormenting him now. He wanted to remember so his life would get ‘better’ like dad said. She didn’t care. 

He swallowed as he remembered her back running away. _‘Mama, don’t go!!’._

She just didn’t care. 

Slouching his shoulders, he closed his eyes and felt Kaede come back over. “Papa, are you going to go somewhere else today? It’s nice out, the fresh air might make you feel better.”   
  
“No…” he murmured, “I don’t have anywhere else to be.”   
  
No…not right now.   
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

Yagami Dana wandered around the dress form sleepily, staring at the plain body and hoping for a bit of inspiration. As of late, she just…felt dead inside. 

Yamada never struck her with any ‘I told you so’s’ but they were well over a mile long. He told her as much, that this wouldn’t withstand. He said they shouldn’t keep it from Koji. He tried to _tell_ Koji. No, she stopped him.   
  
_“Fuck you!! You didn’t give a shit about me!! You just felt guilty!! Sixty years. Sixty years I’ve had to go on fighting some invisible battle you took from me because you weren’t even there!! Where were you?!”  
_   
That…wasn’t all true. The first portion wasn’t true at all, Koji was her baby. When he was an infant, he’d stay awake after Domo…did whatever it was he wanted. She knew it didn’t have to be the reason but it felt like he knew she was suffering. He’d only go to sleep after she pretended to and had calmed down. She’d been appalled when he grew into his father’s child despite _all_ her attempts to head that off but, at the end of the day, that _was_ the Yamada she fell in love with so it wasn’t like she was completely against that personality. He was a knucklehead but _her_ knucklehead son. And he hated her. 

No…no work would be done today either, she thought wearily. Maybe she’d just go sleep in the back. She started to turn the doorknob to the front area to inform her workers they could shut it down if they liked, it wasn’t…going to be a good quarter. 

When she opened the door, she was met with a shove. 

Dana stared up in disbelief, thinking just _maybe_ one of her coworkers had been trying to push something into the room. 

Her breath caught when it was her ex-husband looming over her.   
  
“Dana.”   
  
What…could he _possibly want_? Gritting her teeth, she clamored to her feet. “What the hell do you want? Haven’t you done _enough_?”   
  
Domo laughed shortly, “What? Haven’t _I_ done enough?”   
  
“You raped my _son_ , you bastard!! My _baby boy_!! What _else do you want_?!” she screamed. 

How’d he get in here? Her workers knew better than to let anyone back here. Were they okay? She hadn’t heard anything, were they out on break? There…there was nowhere else for her to go but around him. He always…always backed her into a corner. 

Domo stared at her solemnly. “You know…I thought it’d be fun. I had this headstrong bourgeoisie betrothed that ran off after getting pregnant with some half-blood’s baby to live in some ghetto. When that thieving bastard told me all about it, I just felt so…amazed. To think! Of all people, _I_ am engaged to the type of person with that sort of headstrong will! I had the perfect person to _break_.”   
  
Dana inhaled sharply when he pushed her against the wall, grabbing her arm just like he used to and backhanding her across the face with his closed knuckles. Choking, she grabbed his hand, “Stop it!”   
  
“But you and that hafu husband of yours, I _swear_ you must have some sort of steely nerves. You actually would take my beatings just for the opportunity to go _see him_. Was it just _that good to you_? You couldn’t keep your legs closed for some muckblooded bastard? You know how much it _disgusted me_ just to even have to put up appearances for you, _bitch_?” 

Hissing as he hit her across the other cheek, she…sort of snapped. Domo seemed surprised when she punched him hard in the gut. “You could have _let me go_! I _never belonged to you_! The only _bitch_ was the one so arrogant and pompous to care where his dick was going just _when he was married_ after being a whore his whole life! I would have taken your abuse and assault my entire life if I had to before you touched _my son_ , you child raping piece of _shit_!” 

Domo suddenly clenched her throat, trying to drag her to the ground. He’d have to strangle her before she fell before him ever again. This. This was why. This was why she ran and left her child in what she idiotically thought was ‘safe hands’ because he couldn’t possibly hurt her children. She was wrong. She…she was so wrong about everything. Her baby…he…had all the right to think what he did. She’d failed him. 

Dana wheezed when Domo jerked roughly from her throat. It looked like something was pulling him back. 

She gawked as Koji threw him away from her, slipping between them. He was quivering. That stubborn steel-nerved son of hers was shaking as he balled his fists. Domo looked at him with…a painfully blank expression. What was he going to do? 

“…You _are_ an annoying family. I really didn’t expect you to show up.”   
  
She couldn’t see Koji’s face and he was silent for a long few seconds. Finally… “I wasn’t going to. Until I thought about it. I may…be pissed at what it is she did to me, what she let you do to me, _all of this_. But there is…is no world…no set of circumstances…no _way_ I will let you hurt _my mother._ And I won’t be able to give you hell like I do everyone else but if I have to fight you, you bastard, I will.”   
  
No. No, no, _no_! Dana tried to go around him. This had to stop _somewhere_ , in _some time_! Alas, Domo suddenly snorted. “…No. I’ll save my energy for the calling card I sent. You just take care of your mommy like you always do.”   
  
Domo winked as he sauntered out. Koji actually buckled before rushing into her bathroom and throwing up while she ran to lock the door in case he got any other bright ideas. She took a shaky breath before looking back, hearing the water turn on and Koji coughing and choking while rinsing his mouth. 

He looked like he was dragging himself out, his face pale and the skin around his eyes red. He was _crying_. She rapidly shook her head, sobbing, “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry!”   
  
She didn’t have a right to be weeping, cold tears running down her burning flesh. “I shouldn’t have gone! I shouldn’t have!! I just-I was just so selfish and I should have known!! I should have known what he was capable of but _I ran_. I ran and—and I left my babies there with those _monsters_ like an absolute fool thinking you were safe! I just-I just wanted to get us out! I di-didn’t think your father was going to get us out, I-I wouldn’t _let him_ because I was worried about _him_ not knowing what was even-even happening!! Y-You have every right to hate me. I-I let you down…”   
  
Crashing onto the couch, she buried her battered face into her hands. She used to try to hide it because that wasn’t the face her children ought to see. She tried to hide it with makeup or clothes but she knew they saw it. Their weak pathetic mother… 

Dana trembled, startled when Koji suddenly sat down beside her. His eyes were glossy yet empty. “…Can I rest my head in your lap a second? I feel like my brain is going to explode.”   
  
Eh? “O-Of course.”   
  
He curled up on the couch turned away from her and actually went to sleep. It…it must have…have been so draining to…to have to… 

Domo must have called Koji. The same son of a bitch that raped him as a child called to tell him he was going to go after his mother. And after those cold words Koji left her with two months ago, regardless of how true and damning they were, came…came to _her_ rescue. Her child… 

…She failed him. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_…Domo threw her into a book case that day. Koji had been with his mama all day and she had done absolutely nothing to Domo. He just came in from something and started hitting her, throwing her. He was just about to break something over her head when Koji called out that she leave._

_That was the game Domo used to play._ _If Koji said ‘please run, mama’ then he had to take her place. Domo never chased after her because, in his mind, he was hurting her one way or the other._

_That…was the beginning of that memory. And Koji…never actually said ‘’mama, don’t go!’. He thought it at the exact same time he verbalized ‘mama, run!’. He…he was protecting his mother…_

Koji slowly opened his swollen eyes. For a moment, he thought his memories were faulty. That was her intent, after all, for him to have faulty memories. Maybe he was replacing the actuality with excuses. 

When he looked up at his mama, she’d fallen asleep, her head tilted a bit forward. Her face was black and blue. He hadn’t made up a damn thing. 

“…Shit.”   
  
Why? Yes, he was mad but—damn it, he raced all the way from Mineral for Kaede, he had to _think_ about it for his mother. That son of a bitch was about to choke her out when he came in here. Ugh! She-she…wasn’t _leaving him_. He was just…doing what he’d always done from day one: protecting them. 

He watched as a tear rolled down her cheek, hitting his face. In some distant memory, he recalled that from something. Maybe when she was a terrified _seventeen-year-old_ wife getting beaten by her husband. It could be argued she was tempting fate going off to be with dad but…he was beating her before then. Domo was beating her because she chose her husband and he wasn’t okay with that. 

…Shit. “Mama?”   
  
She started, surprised. Looking around for a moment, she finally gazed at him weakly as he sat up, clenching his throbbing brow. He…was getting raped…so his mother wouldn’t be beaten and assaulted. This…this was literally what a monster was in reality. 

…And he guessed fuck if he was going to stop now. “Here, I’m going to take you home. Stay here while I check the entry.”   
  
“Koji--”   
  
Standing, he slowly opened the door after prepping a weapon in the form of an iron or something his mom had. The room was empty and dark, they must have been asleep for some time. Actually…where were her workers? He wandered around to investigate. It…looked like they left? No one’s things were here, there were no…bodies. 

…That bastard knew about Steiner’s past. He apparently hacked his phone too. Now it looked like his mother’s own workers let him in to do his handiwork on her. Just…insanity. He wandered back to her and found her hugging herself. “Hey, it’s safe. C’mon.”   
  
“All…all right…”   
  
Helping her up, he grabbed her case of supplies. She questioned, confused, “I believe your workers bailed after letting Domo in, mom. You don’t need to come back here and if whoever worked today tries to come in after this, I suggest firing the shit out of them, okay?”   
  
She just nodded silently. He awkwardly took her hand after locking the door to the store and pulling the curtains. He…didn’t want her to feel this was her fault. He…still felt like going to curl in a ball and back into his safe haven but… 

…He didn’t want her to blame herself. He guessed…he really had been overprotective his whole life. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

This couldn’t be happening. 

Yamada hadn’t even wanted to read whatever vitriol or idiocy Domo had for him tonight. He’d really just cast his phone a glance only to see the shocking contact of Koji. That…that was actually far more alarming than the man that they had a restraining order against. He went in thinking the worse. What he got was _far_ beyond those expectations. 

‘Domo cornered mom at Yagada and hit her. I came after he called me and chased him off. I’m taking her home now’. 

Cornered her. At her store. Hit her. _Hit his wife_. His traumatized child came after this… _creature_ had the nerve to _call him_ and had to stomach confronting the source of all of his nightmares. He _wished_ Domo had just sent him a passive aggressive text tonight. 

He hadn’t driven that fast in a long time, the wheels were actually squealing when he pulled into the yard. He even got there _first_ , Koji was pulling in like a sane driver behind him. He rushed to the car, in full panic mode, as Koji helped Dana out. And, just like all those years ago, she just put her head down, hid _whatever_ he’d done, and rushed away into the house. 

…This couldn’t be happening. 

Yamada swallowed the hardest lump as he breathed in, trying to…center himself. “…Thank you…so much, son. I…I know it was…was a difficult thing to do.”   
  
“…Why wouldn’t she have just told me? It doesn’t excuse the fact she had my memories erased but a lot more of it makes sense. She could have just told me.”   
  
Grimacing, Yamada slowly shook his head. “…C’mon, let’s go check on her.”   
  
They walked into the house and he heard the sink running upstairs. Going up with Koji following, Yamada slowly walked in. “Dana?”   
  
She was splashing her face with water. When she dabbed it dry, he felt his blood pressure rise instantly. Both of her cheeks were blue and red, dark finger marks around her neck. She stomped to grab something out of the pantry, hissing, “Just typical, huh? Sixty years later, here I am with all this supposed power and stature and _growth_ and in a minute he takes me back to some weakling teenage bride having the hell beaten out of me and having to be saved by her child. Just like that, Yama. My son I let get-get traumatized and raped and I still was too powerless to stand up on my own two feet and defend us both. Absolutely _nothing_ has changed. I’m just as useless as I was when he was my little boy needing him to rescue me.”   
  
Yamada silently watched as she sat on the edge of the tub and break down into tears. “Dana…”   
  
“For God’s sake, mom, that’s _not true_.”   
  
Dana jumped, startled that Koji had been close enough to hear. He looked annoyed and exhausted when he stalked in, “You took those beatings because you thought you _had to_. You took them for reasons stupidly taken away from you like going to see your actual husband or going off to work to get us the hell out of there. I got sick of seeing him hurt you. I-I’m not saying I want what happened to me to happen but I wasn’t going to stand there and let him hurt you and you know me better than that. I have and will _always_ be the person that will protect the people I love, especially my damn _mama_. God, do you actually think I’d be angry if you told me this? I know who I am, mama! I wouldn’t have spent _two months_ angry thinking you ran away from me when I asked you not to go when I was the one telling you to run!”   
  
All she could do was weep and choke. At least Koji comforted her, hugging her tightly and trying to soothe her. All Yamada could do was go and sit on the bed. He grabbed his phone. ‘Do it legal’, Shin would say. He was real tempted for something far more satisfying but…he called the police. 

‘Well, she needs to be the one that reports it’. ‘Are you _sure_ that happened?’. ‘I don’t think it would have really gone like that, Yagami-san, your wife is pretty renown’. He ended the call with more civility than he felt and called his phone company immediately after to have a recording of the conversation sent to him. He stored it on his SD Card and removed it. Because he had to worry the call would mysteriously go missing and if he put it in the cloud it’d just disappear suddenly.   
  
Koji walked Dana into the room, the woman appearing calmer. “…If it’s all right with you two, can I just sleep here?”   
  
“Of course you can, Koji…” Yamada murmured. 

He wandered off to his room, usually inhabited by guests when they had them nowadays. Dana quietly changed into her nightclothes and went to bed without another word. At that moment, all he could do was stare out the window. 

Like all those years ago, his words meant nothing. He didn’t have enough power, status, nor money for his words to mean anything to people meant to protect them. He may as well have been that seventeen-year-old Wasaba kid hoping to mean something in this world when he was just trash to the more affluent. 

This couldn’t be happening. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_Yagami Nerimaru spent a lot of time sleeping now. He just…didn’t have it in him. He was just thankful he had farm hands because his poor crops and animals wouldn’t have made it.  
  
He hadn’t bothered to try to contact his twin. Koji was angry. Really angry. Nelly respected that because placed in the same position he’d resent them too. If…if Koji wanted to ever speak to him again, he’d be ready to take his anger and bitterness. Part of him…just sort of hoped he wouldn’t though. Nelly…wasn’t sure he could truly handle Koji’s rage for what happened.   
  
Rubbing his forehead, he turned over in bed expecting to roll to the other side. Instead, Koji was lying beside him on his back.   
  
“OH MY—what the—what the hell are you doing here?!” Nelly practically squealed, “How long have you been here?!”   
  
“About twenty minutes.”   
  
What the creeping hell! Nelly stared at him, startled and honestly scared, as Koji didn’t move, just lying on his back with his hands together over his chest. Why…why was he talking to him?   
  
“So, I stayed with mom and dad last night. It was a little nostalgic being in my old room. I slept pretty well for the first time in a while. I don’t think it was because I was there but I guess my rage is transitioning to…other rage.”   
  
What? Koji blinked slowly, his eyes closing some, “…When I got home, I talked to Popuri and she told me about the talk you guys had.”   
  
Damn it, Popuri! That was strictly in confidence! “Don’t get angry at my wife. It’s relevant for a later topic. I just can’t believe how much these people I’ve known my whole life don’t understand me. I get it. You feel guilty. Not about what I WANT you to feel guilty about which is thinking I’m so weak I couldn’t endure this knowledge at any point.”   
  
“Koji…”   
  
“What you and mom are feeling guilty about is the fact that, four years old or forty years old, I’d protect both of you with whatever I had to. To you, those memories are your fault because you failed me. Just let’s be real, Nelly: my memories were ‘wiped’ but have I ever stopped being the overprotective asshole I’ve always been?”   
  
“…No. But--” _

_“No is succinct enough, Nelly. No. I have never stopped protecting any of you or being all up in your business. Not once. That was without those memories. And it was very well with them too. That’s just who I am, Nelly, and I just don’t understand how none of you realized that.”  
  
Nelly sat up, getting upset, “But there’s ‘stay away from our sister, you drug-dealing prick’ protective and ‘I took being assaulted by our stepfather in your stead’ protective! I let that happen.”   
  
“Nerimaru, I’d be as fucked up as I am now if that had happened to you.”   
  
Eyes widening, he looked to him in shock. Koji looked peeved. “I literally just told you I will jump into any scenario to keep you safe and you think I would be okay having let you be the one that got hurt? I don’t want EITHER of us to have had to dealt with that, Nelly, but you really can sit there thinking I’d be ‘okay’ with YOU getting—no. No, I would not. I’d be as fucking angry and disturbed as right now if not worse because apparently I defied myself in that alternate universe you’re thinking of.”   
  
… “…Yea, that’s…that’s what Popuri said” Nelly whispered. _

_“Well, at least my WIFE knows me” Koji huffed._

_“I’m…I’m still sorry.”  
  
“I don’t feel like talking about that anymore. Maybe you’ll get it one day” Koji muttered, “Mother thinks the same, y’know? I feel like she wouldn’t have let a single ounce of her thoughts out if what happened yesterday didn’t happen.”   
  
Nelly scowled, “What…happened yesterday?”   
  
“Domo went and attacked her at Yagada.” _

_“…WHAT?”  
  
His pulse instantly started to race. WHAT? “Is she okay?! What do you mean Domo—who stopped him!?”   
  
Koji sighed, “I did, Nelly. Terrified, shaking, near and eventual vomiting, I stopped him. I didn’t even know what mom’s thought processes were, I didn’t completely remember, so I was still mad at her but I went to stop him. Do you get it?”   
  
“…Yes.”   
  
“But she’s…okay. She woke up and made me eat breakfast like everything was normal so I…guess she’s making it. She’s good at putting up fronts. I guess that’s…who she is.”   
  
Nelly squeezed his temples, a headache setting in, “…Koji, we can’t let this happen. As the protective one, you know damn well we can’t let this guy go around beating our mama.”   
  
“That’s just it, Nel” Koji said faintly, “I can’t honestly say I know what it is we’re dealing with. He knew things about Steiner—which, granted, he could have pulled out of his ass from when Steiner was arrested but he seemed to know for a fact he was a phantom thief. When he cornered me at the café, he had hacked into dad and my text messages and answered like he was dad. That’s how he had my phone number. And whoever mom had working? I think they were in cahoots with him and allowed him in to attack her.”   
  
“Yakuza.”   
  
“Some rather affluent and intelligent yakuza at that” Koji murmured before closing his eyes, “…I’m tired, Nelly. So very tired…”   
  
“I know, Koji.”   
  
“You know what’d be nice though? I think…I think I want to have dinner night again. I dunno how much I’ll say or how much of it I can handle but…I guess I need to spend more time with you jerks.”   
  
…Mm. Nelly dropped his head, smiling sadly, “…It’s been extra lonely not having you harass me. I mean, I have tons of grandkids and my annoying trio but…”   
  
Koji patted his back, “…I have been genuinely suffering, Nelly. Nothing…has ever been like this. I’m…I’m going to try to go outside and…be alive. But I’m going to go crawl into bed and be miserable for a while, okay?”   
  
“…If that’s what you need.”   
  
“Need? I don’t really have a choice. Anything else would be pretending. But hey, spread the word for me, okay? Monday. Monday, I’ll have a few pieces back together.”   
  
Nelly nodded softly as Koji climbed out of bed. “Koji?”   
  
His twin paused and glanced over his shoulder, “…I don’t think you’ll have to worry about him hurting anyone again.”   
  
“Why?”   
  
“…I dunno. Just…no one that maniacal can run amok forever like this.”   
  
Koji shook his head, “We’ve been lucky, Nell. Comeuppance is not a guarantee in life.”   
  
Yes. And…this time it wasn’t going to be them that came against him. There was no reason for Tony, Jill, or Shaun to handle anything, not like they’d let them. Shin had his own reputation to consider as a police officer and colonel. The guy was violating the restraining order left and right, really, but what did that mean when the Kamaishi apparently was capable of buying a lot of people off? Koji…Koji just admitted he was throwing up just being near him. Nelly…wasn’t certain he was that strong either. _

_Who…was left?_

‘Koji wants us to come to dinner night. After all this, we _have_ to show’. 

Yagami Yamada groaned as he mildly jogged toward his son’s house. Of all days, of course he’d have an emergency surgery. Matsushima insisted he stick around because he couldn’t ‘trust those green thumbs’. And, unfortunately, Yamada had to step in. This was a new group, at least, and he had to explain to them again about the value of remaining calm.   
  
Dana had text him that, excited. She was glad Koji was apparently such a good, forgiving person. That he must’ve gotten from his mother. Yamada realized lately he was…quite spiteful. He was glad his child forgave his mother but…really? He hadn’t spoken to his mother since he first met his father. Souma either. Souma he could forgive but his mother? Well…maybe one day. In comparison, Koji had a lot more to be resentful about. Yamada should take a lesson from his son. 

“You know, Yagami…I’ve heard your legend and I’m sure beating our slut wife would have surely drawn you out. I really shouldn’t have had to find you.”   
  
Yamada slowed his steps. 

He turned around on the busy street of Mineral, wondering if he were dreaming. For surely, Kamaishi Domo would not have shown his face to him. They would continue to pay tiddly winks and pass notes via text for all eternity so Domo could torture his family, the people he loved. The cops would pretend that all laws didn’t exist because he manipulated them and apparently everyone in existence, even his wife’s workers. That person would never show his face to Yamada. 

Domo Kamaishi stared back at him evenly. What was this to him? Some sort of showdown? The pureblooded Japanese man against the bastard half-blooded monster? What was he out to defend? Yamada stared at him.   
  
“I think we should discuss this somewhere more appropriate, wouldn’t you say?” Domo gestured toward a grouping of trees. 

Yamada just continued to stare at him before the man started to walk into the thicket. He just followed. 

“You remember that judge told me they don’t ‘like my kind’ in jail? Well, it was true” Domo said once they came to an opening, turning around. “They didn’t. I got beaten quite a bit, you know? Had to build some muscles, build my own group in that hellhole for protection—it was difficult. Quite difficult. I didn’t have all the…facilities anymore to force my place.”   
  
Okay. “As I’ve been telling you, I just got to see you and your brood gain all these accolades and accomplishments. Actress granddaughters, musician grandsons—popular people. All from your lineage! It’s just a miracle. A miracle that the son of an adulterous American politician and immoral Japanese teenager steals my property to have this collection of success while I rotted away in jail to watch. Miracles can be so ignorant.”   
  
Yamada scratched his brow, closing his eyes. Okay. 

“Oh, and _you_. You just appear on television as this calm, mild-mannered gentle giant talking about all these things your saintly hospital does to make people’s lives better. Often I thought ‘if only they knew! This man used to be neck deep in the world of cocaine and gangs and you treat him like a messiah!’. You want them to think you’re perfect but we all know, Yagami. We all know.”   
  
Okay. “And still nothing to say. Maybe time has made you soft, Yagami. Or maybe it’s made you believe this façade you’ve put on. I don’t care what you think you’ve become, I told you back in 1980 that we would settle this. And we will.”   
  
Yamada took a deep breath. Okay. “569 times.”   
  
Domo scowled, “What?”   
  
“Dana told me it was about 569 times. I’m sure she either lost count or just rounded it off to make me feel better but that’s about the amount of times you put your hands on my wife. Not your property, not your ‘slut’, but Yagami Dana, a woman that chose to be my wife and you? You just never got over being that person fretting over a cold drink, Domo, you just never stopped being a bitch.”   
  
Domo’s nostrils flared as Yamada started to unbutton his white button down shirt. In some fateful irony he had a white t-shirt like the ones of his youth underneath. “I told Dana to keep count so I can make up for every moment I failed her with affection. I should have been able to keep my wife safe and away from you but I failed her. I will never be able to make up for that. It was actually 568 times but Friday you made it 569. Dunno what it is about you and those last two numbers but I know for once they aren’t a good thing.”   
  
Hangin his shirt on a tree, Yamada sighed, “I also told her to keep count because, if this moment as it is right now unraveling were to happen, I would make up to her every single one of those punches. I don’t know how many times you hurt my little boy but I’m going to make a good estimated guess. I was thinking this would be avoided, Kamaishi. Because you show up in front of me as if you’re the one that was slighted. You that…killed my best friend and caused bloodshed that runs havoc in my nightmares to this day, whom came and collected my wife like you were indeed picking up your property and then spend the following five years hurting her. Then, my beautiful son, you rape. Over and over. You really…were out to destroy me. And I have _dreamed_ of this moment for every single day of my life since I met you, Domo. Thank you for this opportunity, you spineless, dickless, son of a bitch.”   
  
Yamada hadn’t thrown a punch in over sixty years. Possibly seventy. Domo’s brow creased like he _wasn’t_ expecting this. Like he expected Yamada to back down after _seventy years,_ after _everything he’d done._

…He did promise Dana once he’d never do this, didn’t he? Well…he’d make it up to her. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

It was silent in the house amongst the Yagami six and their mother. Oh, their children and grandchildren were ecstatic, talking loudly and laughing in the other room. They were excited to be back here. 

They…were taking a little time to warm up. 

Yagami Dana, the remnants of bruises still on her face that infuriated each and every one of her children, jumped to her feet. “Oh, your-your silly father, I told him to be here! I can’t imagine why he’s so late!”   
  
“Relax, mom” Koji droned, sitting on his recliner. 

“I-I am relaxed! I-I just want this to be a complete family night, that’s all!”   
  
Shin sighed softly, giving her a look, “Mother…you really need to press charges. Like, I need you and dad to try to do this _right_.”   
  
“Shin, I called the police at Koji’s request the day after. They basically told me I should have pressed charges the day before” Dana mumbled.   
  
“ _What_?”   
  
Oh, his ever optimistic brother. Koji really did admire that Shin was at least confident in the powers that be after all the combat and violence he’d seen serving in the army and as an officer himself. He guessed the man wasn’t oblivious, he called out bad cops in a heartbeat, but this was literally having to admit an entire precinct was under the influence of criminals. 

Before Shin could inquire more, there was a light knock at the door. Their mother instantly brightened, “Oh! That must be your papa!”   
  
Mm. They all got up to follow her since she seemed so delighted. Maybe she was. It’d take him a little longer to get there. 

Koji was about to greet Yagami Yamada normally but instead he found himself gawking. “… _Dad_?”   
  
“Hello!” Yagami Yamada greeted with a smile, a gnash across his forehead with blood up to his elbows seeping through his button up shirt that was open. 

“Papa!?” Jill squealed, “What’s going on?! Are you hurt?!”   
  
“Hmm? Oh, I’m just perfect, sweetheart” Yamada said, so damned _calm_ , “Koji, may I use your upstairs bathroom to wash up?”   
  
“Uh…sure.”   
  
Did he like…leave from a surgery and forget to wash up? Koji was confused but his mother exclaimed: “Yagami Yamada, what did _you do_?”   
  
“Hmm? Oh, nothing, dear.”   
  
Dana stomped up behind him as he went up the stairs. Chihaya so happened to be wandering through the foyer and came to a pause, startled, by Yamada’s appearance. Yea, this was…strange. They all followed as well. 

Their mother stood behind him, demanding answers as he stood in the bathroom, rinsing the blood off of his arms. As more of his clean skin shone through, it was becoming more and more apparent that was not _his_ blood and his…his knuckles were in pretty rough shape… 

“You answer me right now, Yamada” Dana snapped, “What did you do?”   
  
“Nothing, Dana, nothing at all…”   
  
Shin’s eyes narrowed, watching this phenomenon that apparently made it seem like, apparently, _their_ kind-hearted father must have just threw a lot of punches. “Then just speak _speculatively_ about the bruises on your knuckles and face and why you’re elbow deep in someone else’s blood.”   
  
“Speculatively? Well…speculatively I…may have been cornered by Domo—oh, quote on quote “cornered”--and I may have beaten him quite severely and left him in a forest somewhere in town. Just speculatively though.”   
  
…What? They all stared at him silently as he hummed, drying his arms with a towel. Their mom went _ballistic._ “YAMADA. YAMADA, what in the hell is—what were you _thinking_?!”   
  
“He did come after me, I never went after him.”   
  
“And that means—that means you fight him to _death_?! That’s why you’ve been working out so much, isn’t it?! You wanted to be in top shape for _this_!”   
  
“I didn’t kill him, Dana—sorry, I think this shirt is ruined.”   
  
“ _Yamada_!”   
  
The man seemed to be staring at himself absently in the mirror before turning his head into his shoulder and shaking. What? Was he suddenly horrified by his random bout of violence? After eighty years of pacifism and healing people, did it just dawn on him he’d caused suffering? 

Alas, this seemed to piss their mother off even more as she _wailed_ on his back with her fists. “You-you _baka_ , this isn’t even _slightly_ funny!!”   
  
… _What_?! He was laughing? Indeed, apparently this whole affair had amused their father as he cracked up a bit. Maybe _him,_ but…their dad being this…shady? Finally, after clearing his throat and composing himself, he smiled warmly and grasped their mother’s shoulders, “Dana.”   
  
“You _promised me_ , Yagami Yamada, you _swore to me_ you would not go after Kamaishi Domo. You _promised me_. And you were supposed to be matured _out of this_!”   
  
“I did” he said solemnly before his big smile returned, “But my entire life has been completely made, Dana, you have no idea how happy I am right now.”   
  
“I hate you. I hate you so much, I will let them kill you.”   
  
Yamada sighed, kissing her forehead, “…I regret nothing. In fact, I think I will celebrate with a beer. You have beer, right, Koji?”   
  
Was he Koji or had he been spirited off to another universe right now? “Uh…yes. Help…help yourself.”   
  
“Excellent.”   
  
Their father continued to hum as he meandered down the steps in this almost comical theater that was unfolding before them. Dana suddenly sank down on the top of the steps and buried her face in her hands, shaking her head rapidly. “They’ll _kill him_. I told him to leave them alone, why…?”   
  
Shin frowned, slowly sinking down beside her and rubbing her back, “Mama, don’t worry…”   
  
“How can I not?! I don’t understand!”   
  
The other five stuck around to console her. Alas, for once or perhaps all along, Koji understood his father more and wandered off to find his dark humored patriarch.   
  
The kids and grandchildren had stopped long enough in their conversation to note ‘grandfather looked a little off’. Yea, he hadn’t really seen his dad strut around in a white t-shirt with bruises all over his face, he would say. He assured them he was just having a rough day and not to be too worried. Apparently he’d gone out on the deck. 

Koji closed the door behind him, finding his father stretched out on a lounge chair with a Heineken. He looked up at him lazily, his eyes partially closed as he drank. Yea…pretty sure he’d never seen his father drink either. Tonight had gone from pretty awkward to very peculiar. 

“Am I just a bourgeois snob now or is beer kind of unappealing?” Yamada questioned monotonously. 

Having to smirk, Koji took a seat nearby, “Well, I’ve not seen you ever drink any in sixty years so it’s a good chance you’ve lost the taste if you had it to begin with.”   
  
“Likely.”   
  
Apparently deciding to drink it anyway, the blond man stared up, “…Is your mom okay?”   
  
“No, she’s…rather upset, I’d say. I dunno if I necessarily _blame_ her as you’re the last person I’d ever expect to go beat anyone up.”   
  
“Oh, Koji” Yamada groaned gravely, “Your mother is not upset that I would get into a fight but with whom I _got_ into a fight. Your mother was there when I got into fights sometimes.”   
  
“You know…I really hadn’t believed you when you said you’d fight someone but I can tell you’re…not a noob at this sort of thing” Koji droned, staring at his dad’s bruised fingers. 

The man stared up, his eyes half-closed, “Yea. Didn’t expect to be fighting over my hafu existence this far into my life but I really didn’t expect to have lived this long either.” 

Koji’s brows creased, “I’ve never heard you address yourself as ‘hafu’ either.”   
  
“I guess I haven’t in a while. Just pieces of my past remind me. It used to be a really big deal in the seventies. And that’s a majority reason why Domo hates us so much. To have someone like me infiltrate his life like this is a sin to him. It just wasn’t his life alone that was affected.”   
  
…Oh. “Don’t get me wrong dad, I know…well, that getting all that pressure off is kind of refreshing…”   
  
“Violence is not the answer.”   
  
Not able to help a snicker, Koji shook his head, “Can’t hear that from you right now, pop. But look, mom’s worried about what this will mean because they’ll be after you. They will be ready for blood now. This man has affected our whole family but we need you to be safe.”   
  
His father didn’t say anything for a long while. He seemed to be lost in thought, his blue eyes absent. “…No promises, Koji. I’ll stay as safe as I can. Just…remember you told me he said he didn’t really want to fight you anyway? That he came after your mother as a ‘calling card’?”   
  
“Yes.”   
  
“…For whatever reason, this isn’t about any of you. He’ll use you all to get there…but this is about me. I hate to say it like that after everything that’s happened to you but I’m the one he has a grudge against. I’m…the one he’s going to want to destroy when it comes down to it. So…no promises.” 

…Shit. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX   
  
**End Notes:**   
  
Ah, the notorious early 2000s rap metal band, Limp Bizkit. “Break Stuff” is this fantastic anger song.   
  
Koji is listening to the very…unusually versed Deftone’s song “Bored”. I can’t get a handle on how to shape those lyrics, they’re very bizarre.   
  
If you’ve read Yume/Otome/ENDGAME, you’ll recall that Chika is very much frightened by rodents. This actually should be pre-hamster discovery for her parents so Rosa doesn’t know what’s got her freaked out.   
  
Chihaya mentioned he wasn’t certain where Koji got his threatening demeanor from in Otome as he had seen Yamada in lethal mode before. This would be that mode. 


	13. Dirty

**Chapter 13:** Dirty  
  
**Author’s Note:** Mostly violence but continue to tread softly. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_To be honest, he wasn’t sure Dana had ever been that mad at him._

_The whole entire night she didn’t even look at him. He was pretty lucky she even allowed him to ride back with her. She was quiet the whole journey too. She didn’t say anything when they got home either._

_Okay, he was in the doghouse. “Dana--”  
  
“Don’t.”  
  
“Dana…” Yamada groaned, grasping her wrist, “…I promise you, Dana, I absolutely and utterly promise you I did not go seeking Domo. He came to me in Mineral saying I didn’t answer his ‘calling card’ of assaulting you. I WANTED to but I didn’t. I swear to you, Dana, I did not go looking to beat him up.”  
  
Her dark eyes narrowed, staring at him hard, “I told you, Yagami Yamada, that I would not let him destroy you. I won’t let him destroy you and you played right into his hands. Right into them! Now what? Will he go to the media, say ‘Doctor Yagami Yamada did this to me’? Maybe he had it recorded, who knows! You have let him destroy you and you don’t seem to understand that!” _

_Hmm. “I don’t know, Dana, that makes it sound like every single thing I did was useless. I beat up one schmuck that beat my wife and harasses my son that he raped as a child and suddenly I’m Lucifer? If my reputation takes a beating then so be it. I can’t have handled it any differently than I did. Domo was looking for a fight and to be frank, so was I. We just finished it right here.”  
  
Dana closed her eyes. He often got scared she was possessed to leave him. They’d been together a really long time. Other men had popped up making valid offers, other opportunities had presented themselves to her to go past this place. Just being with him seemed like a hassle. Sometimes he wondered if she wouldn’t be there one day and out of every single thing in his life that had ever happened, that terrified him above all else. _

_“…Since you’re in your jerk-Wasabean mode, why don’t you fire those assholes that let Domo into Yagada for me so I can go back to work?”  
  
Yamada smiled, kissing her cheek, “You got it.”  
  
“And promise me…promise me, this will be the last time.”  
  
“…If he comes after you, the children, or me again, Dana, as long as the cops aren’t handling it, I will have to protect us. But I won’t go after him. I promise.”  
  
But when he came…Yamada wouldn’t back down. Not this time. _

What exactly was going on?  
  
Yagami Koji was actually sitting at his desk. Like, actually capable of sitting at his office desk and fathoming the idea of working. He hadn’t actually accomplished anything but he felt he needed to work, he’d been on short-term disability for a little too long. 

It’d been four months in total, going on five. Nearing half a year. He wasn’t okay. 

Alas, he wasn’t…as destroyed anymore. He was still haunted and he still had spells of just needing to lock himself away but he…he wasn’t moving on. He was just sort of hovering up and down before taking off, he guessed. His mind was still all over the place but he…was starting to get back on track. 

“Kochi?”  
  
He lightly smiled as his wife entered the room, wearing her clothes to go to her floral shop, carrying a cup of coffee. “I’ll be back soon, okay?”  
  
“Okay, baby. Thank you” he murmured, taking the cup from her and kissing her cheek.  
  
She smiled as well, his armor through all this. She’d been making up an excuse and a half as to why he was acting the way he was or keeping people from being _too_ in his business. He…was kind of worried about things, things they hadn’t been able to do in these five months, but… 

“I love you.”  
  
“Love you too” he replied, squeezing her hand. 

…He’d have to try to stomach the idea. As much as he enjoyed it, he…he knew he’d overthink things in the midst of it, make it traumatizing. She’d probably be overly concerned too but he recognized needs. Maybe in time. 

“Nii-san?”  
  
Koji looked up when Jill entered. Popuri had probably let her in on her way out. “Hey, what’s up?”  
  
“Have you talked to papa lately?” she questioned, sitting on the couch he had nearby. 

“Not in a good week” Koji sighed, tapping his mouse and looking around the screen, “He seemed in pretty good spirits. Guess he got out all that repressed rage that’s made him subdued his entire life.”  
  
Jill made a face. “I will _never_ understand how fighting makes you feel better.”  
  
“Well, we never really gave you many reasons to have to fight to make yourself feel better.”  
  
“No” she smiled softly, hugging her knees, “I guess that’s a blessing.”  
  
He guessed when he was feeling particularly introspective, they never really did Jill any _favors_ being that overprotective. Not to mention they were overprotective and suddenly she was thrown out on her absolute own at eighteen to fend for herself. And, since they were Yagami, the second that barrier went down all Hell came against her in the matter of a year. It…was somewhat similar. He wasn’t prepared for this. Nothing in this universe could have prepared him for this and helped him get through it. All in all, if…if he had one thing he couldn’t forgive it was that his parents took that from him. He understood ‘why’… 

But thing was, the ‘why’ seemed to be mostly for them. He…he was just the outcome.  
  
“I…I just can’t help but feel it’s weird it’s been two, three months and Domo hasn’t made a move” Jill mumbled. 

Domo. Jill didn’t know him. At all. She was a tiny baby by the time dad came into their life, that man meant nothing to her. Except in regards to him. They put that sort of burden on Tony and Jill. And God, Shaun? Shaun never even _saw_ that life in any capacity. That bothered him on some level. 

“Well…dad probably kind of hurt his pride, Jill. The bastard spent sixty years in jail. Lifting weights, probably had to have a few scuffles. Dad’s been out here as a doctor getting cushy and he clearly beat the s—t out of Domo.”  
  
Nelly and he had discussed it. Nelly figured it was more likely that Domo didn’t fight but a few times in jail before starting to bribe and hustle a gang under him. _‘That’s not the type of person to struggle, Koji. He’s the type to manipulate.’_

Yes, likely. And Domo’s own twisted concept of right and wrong said Yagami Yamada would fall before him just because of righteous design. His father was no angel but, well, Domo probably would give Satan a serious run for his money. That…was the other injustice he’d never actually considered. He threw it around that his dad was half-American. It was just small things too, like Koji liked that they had Christmas the American-way, though he wasn’t sure where Yagama would have gotten that from. As far as he was concerned, the fact that Domo apparently was disgusted by his father because he was of mixed heritage? That…that confused him. It all…was such a confusing thing. 

Koji leaned back and stared at the ceiling in thought. That was just it though. For someone capable of…of all these sickening things, to think he was now sitting back and just licking his wounds was absurd. No, he wasn’t done. He wouldn’t be done. Their life…may always be like this. Just full of scares and being targeted by a vindictive monster. 

…He would never be fine. And at this rate, none of them would be. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

Okay. 

Yagami Yamada stared at the back of his wife’s head. She was comfortably sleeping, it seemed. Good. She’d…she’d be waking soon. 

Her alarm went off and she grumbled before pressing snooze. She was never really a morning person after the children started being self-sufficient, the twilight the time of her creativity. He’d been up for hours now. 

After the final buzz, Dana sat up sleepily, gazing around the room. She glanced to him drearily and he smiled. “Good morning.”  
  
“Morning…” she mumbled, stumbling out of bed. “You don’ work today…?”  
  
“Mm, no.”  
  
“Damn it, I forgot I was supposed to be meeting with Tabatha” his wife muttered, going into their bathroom. 

Tabatha was one of her best clients. He got dressed and went downstairs, taking out the eggs and bacon. He remembered making them breakfast when he was off from work in the old days in Wasaba. They’d sit and talk and go visit people when it was just them. When…they were trying to make it. They relied on each other a lot then. 

Setting her plate on the table, he looked up when she appeared, dressed in a white knee length dress. The color white always looked good on her. 

“Do you have time to eat breakfast, dear?” Yamada questioned. 

Ultimately, he knew the answer. Not…not in a very long time had Dana said ‘yes’. “No, Yamada. I’ll probably grab something with Tabatha for brunch.”  
  
Yea. He figured. She grabbed her keys, “I’ll see you later.”  
  
“Wait.”  
  
She scowled back at him, in full Yagada mode. That rambunctious go-getter setting where she had things to do and goals to accomplish. Dana had made it. Going over to her, he stroked her hair back and cupped her cheeks in his hands, giving her a gentle kiss. Okay. 

“Have a good day, Dana. Take care.”  
  
“…Okay.”  
  
Of course she stared at him weirdly as he went back to eat breakfast by himself. He gave her a smile before she huffed and quickly started for the door. She’d be okay. 

Yamada frowned when, just as huffily, she apparently turned right back around to stomp toward him. She kissed his forehead. “I know things have been out of whack lately and we’ve just fallen back into our grooves after all that. I promise, when things slow down, we can…we can do more together. Just not right this second.”  
  
“Of course, sweetie.”  
  
She squeezed his hand as she now bolted for the door. Watching after her, he took a deep breath. Okay. 

…It was February 12 th. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_“What’s going on, Shin?”  
  
Yagami Shin scowled as he stood in Mineral with his crowd of siblings near the bridge that connected the island and Hondo. He’d asked if they were all available to meet or at least within driving distance. In some sort of divine fate, they were all very prepared to meet up. Koji was the last one to walk up where he’d actually stopped to read this message. He was just about to go back to Hondo when this appeared. Apparently…apparently they all got it. _

_“Koji, did you get this message from dad?”  
  
His younger brother frowned slowly, “Well…he sent me a message, yes, but…what did he send you?”  
  
“He told me I was his precious daughter and that he loved me” Jill scowled.  
  
“Yea, I got ‘my perfect little boy’ and an ‘I love you’” Tony made a face.  
  
“Baby boy, I love you” Shaun truncated, stroking his chin.  
  
Nelly stared at his phone, his free arm crossed, “Thank you for being my rambunctious son and all the wonderful moments. I love you.”  
  
Shin…got a very long message. It was all this about him being his baby and that he would never forget when it was just them. He said it wasn’t as if he preferred that time but that it was still precious to him and that he was one of the sole forces that kept him going. Koji scowled, pulling his phone out of his pocket before slowly his brows creased. “…Shin, what is he doing? Or what is he ABOUT to do? Because these sound like ‘good byes’.”  
  
Jill’s eyes widened as Shin glowered, “…So we’re on the same track, huh? We need to go find him.”  
  
Tony sulked, “C’mon, this is DAD we’re talking about. Aside from that actually very understandable beat down he gave to Domo, he’s the levelheaded one, he’s not doing anything crazy. I mean, I send my kids ‘I love you’ texts too.”  
  
“…It does feel weird” Shaun admitted, “Not…not dad loving us, of course, just…for him to send us ALL a message like this at the same time?”  
  
Shin tapped on his GPS to see where dad’s phone was. Subami…so he was at home, at least. “Well, let’s just…pay him a visit. Maybe he’s feeling out of sorts or something. Are you guys down? I’m going regardless.”  
  
“Yea, sure” Nelly murmured, “Just to see if he’s okay.”  
  
There was group consensus and they climbed into his SUV. Koji sat in the front seat and called their mother. “Hey, mom? Have you talked to dad recently?”  
  
Shin glanced to him as he crossed the bridge. Koji looked confused, the phone pressed to his ear,“…What? Did he…did he send you a message?”  
  
Koji fell quiet before mumbling, “Mom…can I make the request you drop every single thing you’re doing and come home? I…I don’t feel right about this.”  
  
What? Koji made the request a few times since their mother was apparently arguing. While Shin didn’t understand that, of course, as Tony said, this was their dad they were talking about. They trusted him to be the safe and cautious one, after all. _

_…What was happening?_

“I promise you, you’re all just overreacting. I spoke to your father this morning!”  
  
Koji looked around as they entered the corridor of their childhood home. He supposed if it wasn’t _him_ asking she wouldn’t have but their mother came home. She wasn’t too pleased about it though. 

“Mom, look, I get it, dad is the last person to worry about when it comes to the self-harm--”Shin started. 

“Exactly” she leered, “Not to mention you’re all freaking out because your _father_ sent you all messages saying he loved you, like it’s just impossible your father won’t send you a message like that.”  
  
Well…no. Just was weird. Shin sighed deeply, “…It was just the way the messages came across, mom. Once we see he’s fine, I’ll apologize for wasting your time…”  
  
“Shin, sweetheart, I am not asking you for _that_ ” Dana groaned, “I’m sorry. I guess your father’s love and affection being a cause of fear isn’t really kosher with me.”  
  
Shin smirked at that but Koji wasn’t so sure, especially when his dad’s phone was sitting on the counter. The phone was _always_ with him because that’s how he got called into surgeries. Apparently Shin and mom were also the next to recognize the oddity. Shin scowled, walking over to it. “Well, maybe he’s around here.”  
  
Oh yea, true, maybe he just went to the bathroom or something. Shin pursed his lips, trying to turn it on for some reason. Tony smirked, “We hacking dad’s phone now?”  
  
“No, just curious about something that came up some months ago. Domo was texting him.”  
  
…Right. Dana made a face and took it from him, apparently aware of their father’s password. “Since this thing is attached to him at the hip, it would be a good a time as any to see what that bastard sent him.”  
  
Koji absently watched her face for a moment. After a mere few seconds, it looked like the absolute life was sucked out of her. 

“Mom?” Nelly questioned, startled. 

She looked like she was absolutely frozen, her eyes widened in…something. Shin quickly took the phone from her, his eyes scanning across the screen. “‘I don’t think you understand how life really works, hafu. I don’t think you understand that everything you’ve gotten is a lie and that you don’t deserve to be dirt underneath my shoe. I told you I would break you and I promise you I will. Let’s end this once and for all. If you don’t, I’ll come after your everything. Meet…meet me where this all began at 2 pm, the…the same time I started your destruction. Let me finish the job’.”  
  
…What? Nelly gawked in horror along with the others and Shin started to _panic_. “Why—did he go?! Why would he go?! Is he crazy?!”  
  
“What is he talking about?! Where is he?! Where’s papa?!” Jill choked.  
  
Koji quickly looked at the time on the stove. 1:59. _Shit_. 

“Mama!! Mama, where-where did dad first meet Domo!?” Shin screamed, grasping her shoulders.  
  
Their mother was completely paralyzed, her eyes just…confused. “Mama!! This is no time!! Where did dad and Domo first meet?!”  
  
Okay. Koji grabbed Shin’s arm. His oldest brother looked hotly at him. Naturally, Koji was quite concerned too but…he guessed without dad _he_ needed to be the calm one. “Shin…that was over fifty years ago.”  
  
He inhaled before trembling, his shoulders slouching. Koji reached gently to hold their mother’s hand, “Mama…do you remember…where Domo and dad first met?”  
  
She stared through him for a minute before nodding and turning without a word. They followed as she quickly broke into a sprint, fumbling with her keys. Shin grabbed her hand, “Mama, I’ll drive, just point the way, okay?”  
  
Shaking, she whispered, “He’s…he’s…always been there…”  
  
_Fuck_ . They all scrambled into Shin’s SUV. He _raced_ down the road, gritting his teeth when mother said ‘Go to the line between North Wasaba and Subami’. 

It seemed like a strange place, a dead area that never really saw the revitalization that North Wasaba received. All of the facilities were mostly abandoned or run down. Shin really had seemed skeptical and anguished, considering the possibility that their mother _didn’t_ remember. Nonetheless, when they closed in on the square white building, she wildly pointed and bolted out of the car before Shin could even park. 

“Mom, wait!” Nelly called, jumping out to chase after her.  
  
They all quickly got out, chasing, running, to put a wall around her. There was no telling who was in here and what they were capable of. Shin took the lead and slowly opened the door… 

It was like a dusty old club. Sheets were over abandoned furniture and ancient alcohol bottles littered the floor. Looking around, there…there didn’t seem to be anyone? Shin looked horrified. “This…this isn’t it.”  
  
“No, this _is_ it” Dana insisted, running around, “This is where they first met. Yamada told me this is where they met!”  
  
“Hey!! There’s some stairs!!” Shaun called from another area. 

Rushing after him, they dashed up the stairwell. It was similar to below so it must have been a dual-level club. There didn’t seem to be anyone up there either but…they all screamed when there were two gunshots. 

“ _No_!” Shin screamed, rushing toward the sound. 

… _Fuck_. Their mother was frozen again as they found themselves behind a locked door. Shin was madly trying to break the doorknob, kicking and throwing his whole body against it. “ _Dad_!! Dad?!”  
  
If…if that… _thing…killed…_

Shaun helplessly clenched their mother’s shoulders as Jill wept, Nelly and Tony attempting to help Shin while Koji could only watch in agony. After _everything_ that monster did, if he killed their father… 

Shin was bright red and sweaty, big tears rolling down his face when the knob started to turn from the other side. Nelly and Tony backed away, shuddering and pale. Domo would come through that door, triumphant. Domo slayed his monster, their… 

Their dad. 

They all inhaled sharply when _Shin_ , just so like their father in so many ways, so peaceful and calm, pulled out a gun and pointed it head level. 

When the door opened, it was Yamada. 

The man instantly looked alarmed, quickly putting one hand up. “W-Woah, woah, it’s me.”  
  
The entire group rasped and exhaled hard, the relief just…unbelievable. Jesus. Yamada suddenly lurched forward. 

“Daddy?!” Jill cried.  
  
Shin caught him, quickly turning him over. They gathered by his side and Koji swallowed. There…there was a huge hole in his stomach. He…he was shot… 

…But…where was…?  
  
“Watch him!” commanded Shin, standing to run into the room. 

…Dad walked out though. And…there were two gunshots. Koji lifelessly, like a shell, rose to his feet and followed after Shin. After…after all this… 

He did hear his father say ‘no, don’t, Koji’ but he had to see. Shin had gone in with guard up but when Koji came to his side, the weapon was limply at his side. Domo was still holding the gun he apparently shot their father with, sprawled out on the ground with half of his head blown off. Right through the head. 

…Their dad had killed their monster. 

Koji could only stare at this human being that tortured him as a child, that would beat his mother in front of him just so he could make him choose to take her suffering. This person…that wanted to destroy them for no other reason than their father existing…for their mother choosing another… 

“…C’mon, Koji” Shin whispered. 

Shin turned to leave but…it took him a moment longer to even fathom what was happening. This…was it? After…after everything…?  
  
…Dad. Koji turned, feeling ill as he quickly walked back to where everyone was with their father. Jill was in shambles as Shin used his over-shirt to pack the wound. For whatever reason, their father was smiling at him weakly. “See…? You would have made a fine doctor…”  
  
Shin snorted, quietly retorting, “And you would have made a fine soldier with that headshot, _dad_ , especially for a man that abhors guns and violence supposedly.”  
  
“Being against…doesn’t always mean ignorance…”  
  
Shaun was on the phone, calling the police, as Koji kneeled by his dad next to Nelly. “…Don’t you die on us, pop. We’re going to get you fixed up.”  
  
“Yes” Shin nodded, “The cops will be here soon.”  
  
“No…they won’t…this is Wasaba.”  
  
What? He sounded rather out of it and delusional, his blue eyes vacant and dazed. Jill squeezed his hand. “Please, papa …”  
  
While all six of them were gathered around him tightly, Koji suddenly noticed his mother was still standing far away. Scowling, about to question what she was doing, he saw the look on her face. Instead…of concern…she looked _pissed_. What? Koji’s eyes narrowed at her before listening to Shaun. ‘My dad—his name is Yagami Yamada—he’s hurt! Please send help to…’. 

It was a clear entreaty. Shaun gave the address when really he didn’t have to because they could track the GPS in his phone to where they were. Shin was standing and pacing as…the clock kept ticking. Not to mention, Koji couldn’t help notice…it looked like the bullet wound was growing? “Shin, come look at this.”  
  
Shin came back over and his face registered dread, “ _Shit_. It-It’s that damn _Forte_.”  
  
What? Shin gritted his teeth, “I-It’s a bullet. After entering the body, it’ll dissolve the flesh, then release toxins capable of giving a fever that can send someone into shock. It’s…it’s been a huge problem.”  
  
Oh, _terrific._ “And what _precisely_ can we do?”  
  
“They…they haven’t found a cure. Dad was on the committee but I…I guess he was too caught up with all this” Shin whispered. 

Shaun lingered by the window, watching for the police. His brows creased after another five minutes. “Is…is it supposed to take this long? Usually the cops and ambulances show up really fast. It’s already been ten minutes.”  
  
And, had they shown up within a minute or two by that first statement, it would have been fine. It was when it was thirty minutes that it completely sank in what his dad meant and that, as he always said, he was from Wasaba and knew how the authorities managed the area. Or, worst yet, that Domo had manipulated the police to not respond to any calls regarding their father. His father was realistic and watching Shin pace around, hoping his colleagues weren’t corrupt assholes? No. 

Koji reached out to touch his father’s cold hand. “Hold tight, dad. We’re getting you out of here.”  
  
Nelly looked up as he went and snatched a few sheets off the furniture, shaking the dust off. Resting the fabric on top of each other, he settled it on the ground. “Nel, Tony, help me move dad carefully.”  
  
“What? Koji, we should not move him, it’ll make it worse” Shin scowled. 

“Shin, sitting here for another thirty minutes will make him die. Stop shitting around and let’s get our dad to the hospital. Your people aren’t coming” Koji glared.  
  
Shin recoiled. Nelly sighed, grabbing their father’s shoulders, “Real careful, Tony.”  
  
“Gotcha.”  
  
Setting him on the sheets, Koji nodded. “Okay, guys, grab an end. Jill, keep him talking.”  
  
Shin reluctantly came and grabbed the front. Koji grabbed the other end and they all took a side. It reminded him of pallbearers and…hopefully the connection ended right here. Jill clasped his hand, whispering, “Papa, everything will be okay. I want you to be okay.”  
  
The man opened his eyes and smiled shakily at her. Their mother just glowered at him. Really…? Well….there was most likely history there. 

To be honest, Koji was actually surprised when the police pulled up the second they got outside like a magic trick. So…they were coming but they just weren’t coming _quickly_. Shin was _livid._

The officers got out as did the ambulance workers and immediately looked mortified. “A-Ah, Chief Yagami, w-we weren’t--” 

“Get my father to the hospital _right now_. If he dies, your _head_ will be spinning next to his grave” Shin said shortly. 

They blanched and quickly got Yamada on a stretcher. Shin snapped at the other officers to go clear the premises, that Kamaishi Domo was inside and forensics would need to come by. Yea, ol’ Blue Eyes was pissed like their mom. Koji glanced to his mother who was just standing with her arms crossed. What was her bag? “Mom…ride with dad.”  
  
She looked to him miserably before going over to the ambulance and climbing in. Okay…okay, things…things were…going okay now. 

Domo was dead. 

Nelly slapped his shoulder to get him out of his stupor, telling him they were about to drive to the hospital. Okay. This time he climbed into the back, letting the emotional Jill ride up front with Shin. As he sat there, his head dropped back over the seat and he stared at the ceiling. He…didn’t know why…but tears washed down his face. Nelly looked over before yelping, “H-Hey, futago, w-what’s wrong?”  
  
“…He’s gone, Nell…he’s gone. And it fixed…absolutely… _nothing_.” 

It fixed that he would never try to torture his family in the present again, that he wouldn’t beat his mother while she was trying to live her life or call him to remind him. Just…every…single thing he did? 

…He’d hoped and prayed…it would end. If he were just gone, just maybe…? No. 

It’d never go away. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

**On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair. Warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air. Up ahead in the distance, I saw a shimmering light. My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim. I had to stop for the night.** **There she stood in the doorway; I heard the mission bell. And I was thinking to myself 'This could be heaven or this could be Hell'. Then she lit up a candle and she showed me the way. There were voices down the corridor, I thought I heard them say: ‘Welcome to the Hotel California. Such a lovely place, such a lovely place. Such a lovely face. Plenty of room at the Hotel California. Any time of year, you can find it here…’**

_Yagami Yamada exhaled a puff of smoke, riding up the decrepit streets of Wasaba on his Harley. In the distance, he heard someone playing music. He stopped where Mariko, Kari, and Mina were hanging out on the corner._

_He sat with them, talked about nothing. Literally nothing. He couldn’t recount any of it. Kari and Mina seemed more like puppets than themselves. Only Mariko kept giving him a look. The only thing he discerned was what she kept saying: “You need to go.”_

_Hamasaki Shin appeared. “C’mon, man, we gotta go.”  
  
What? Yamada rose to his feet and followed him. Mariko advised him ‘not to go’. Why? It looked like they were going to South Wasaba. “Oi, Shin, why are we going there?”  
  
“Whaddya’ mean? We always go there.”  
  
Yamada didn’t argue initially. It…sounded logical. They did have a habit of going there for something or the other. It just didn’t feel exactly right, like…this wasn’t right. The whole world was in this faded color like an old photograph. Old photograph? It wasn’t…black and white… _

**So I called up the Captain, ‘Please bring me my wine'. He said, 'we haven't had that spirit here since nineteen sixty-nine'. And still those voices are calling from far away. Wake you up in the middle of the night, just to hear them say: ‘Welcome to the Hotel California  
Such a lovely place, such a lovely place. Such a lovely face. They livin' it up at the Hotel California. What a nice surprise…bring your alibis’. **

_He glanced to the side, walking past people he knew from years ago. People that had fried on meth and people that crashed in one fashion or another. He didn’t think much of it, recognizing he was…really tired. So very tired…_

**Mirrors on the ceiling, the pink champagne on ice. And she said, ‘we are all just prisoners here, of our own device’. And in the master's chambers, they gathered for the feast. They stab it with their steely knives but they just can't kill the beast** . **Last thing I remember, I was running for the door. I had to find the passage back to the place I was before. ‘Relax’, said the night man, ‘We are programmed to receive. You can check out any time you like. But you can never leave!’**

_He stopped when she caught his eye._

_He looked over his shoulder, startled, to see a short figure wearing a houndstooth skirt and black sweater walking forward away from him. Somehow amongst all these dark faded out people, she…showed through clear in full color.  
  
“You always find your way to her, don’t you?” _

_Yamada turned back to Shin. Everyone had disappeared now, only his ever antagonistic best friend and him. Somehow, Yamada had to smile. “Leading me to purgatory, man?”  
  
“You know you’ve been alive too long.”  
  
“Well, I can’t argue that.”  
  
…He guessed it had…been a long time. Just…Yamada glanced over his shoulder. She…was still there, walking away. God, she was probably enraged. He had promised and he…had broken his promise. He…he hadn’t made it a habit to break many promises to her, had he? _

_Well. “…I gotta make this up to her. Sorry.”  
  
“Your fight is over, Yamada. You beat him. You beat Domo.”  
  
…Was it ever about beating Domo? Had Domo just been a random yakuza and had nothing to do with his wife, would he have made it his purpose to stop him? Of course not. It…wasn’t about Domo. It…was about his legacy. It was about his Shin. His brood of sons, Koji…Nerimaru…Tony…Shaun…his only girl, Jill. Dana. Domo…only had to fall because he kept threatening that. Now though? He had a new mission. _

_“Yea. I accomplished everything. Now I have to make it up to the missus.”  
  
Shin glared. Well, wait, not everything. He turned around and punched Shin across the jaw. _

_Shin tumbled to the ground, looking up at him, stunned. “You are a piece of shit, Hamasaki Shin, for everything you did. And if this isn’t simply brain damage and some sort of line between the planes, I hope you’ve watched everything you’ve put my family through. A majority of it was Domo but a whole hell of a lot of it was you.”  
  
Shin stared at him absently before smiling, “…Yea. It was.”  
  
“While I’d like to fight and yell at you for an eternity…”  
  
“No, please, go” Shin groaned, clamoring to his feet, “…I hope you accept your decision when it all becomes meaningless.”  
  
Yamada just grinned, running backwards, “I miss you, man, but if I have to choose between spending an eternity dead with you and all eternity with her, I can’t call it a contest. I wish you were there.”  
  
“Yea…” Shin said as he slowly vanished, “Me too.”  
  
He would have deviated if he kept looking back toward Shin. Shin just had that power over him, it seemed, even after all these years. But looking forward to his wife just as when they first met, when he first realized over Ziggy Stardust she was what was different in his life, he knew he…couldn’t look back anymore. _

“D…Dan…a?”  
  
Yamada couldn’t feel…anything except that his body was on _fire._ Had they cremated him? Opening his eyes, he found only one would really fully open…huh. He might be joining Shin regardless. 

“Dad?” he heard his Shin say, frantic. It felt like he was holding Yamada’s hand… “Guys!! Dad’s awake!”  
  
Barely. His children rushed over to him, Jill grasping his other hand. “Papa? Can you hear me?”  
  
God….God, this was _Hell_. How was he unconscious just a few seconds ago? It felt like his abdomen was ablaze. He tried to talk but it came out as…wheezing. Great, he _was_ dying. He glanced to Koji and found his second oldest son’s eyes were swollen, his whole face flushed. He doubted his surly child was crying over him…maybe he deserved to die.  
  
“Yagami, I _promise_ you’re an idiot.”  
  
God. Yamada drearily looked to, of _all people_ , Matsushima. The older man glared, “Did we not have an agreement, Yagami? Did we not?”  
  
Twenty years. He was thirty years over. “Well, good going: you’re going to die.”  
  
“Matsushima!” Shin snapped. 

Yea, that was his ‘boss’, managing to upset all six of his adult children in under ten words. But frankly, the man was very correct, Yamada felt the very life seeping out of his body. Shakily gesturing toward the gunshot wound, he hoped Matsushima understood. “No, we _cannot_ do anything about the toxin eating up your skin. We’ve been able to _slow_ it but in a couple hours the bullet wound is going to be twelve centimeters wide. You have a fever of _104.7 degrees Fahrenheit, 40.4 Celsius._ So if the bleeding won’t end it, the _fire will_.”  
  
There was yelling, probably from his outraged kids but it…was hard to piece it to…gether. Close to passing out, not sure if he would end up right back with Shin in Wasaba-Hell, he gazed through the fray and saw Dana sitting on the window sill. She was staring at him. The expression was like when she asked that he get her out of the Kamaishi domain after sacrificing herself for him. Like when she wanted him to save their sons as infants. It was just full of irritation this time… 

Nursery rhymes chimed in his head, weird images of various characters from his childhood dancing around. Hallucinations, Yamada. Yamada…who? No, no…while…while he was…sane… 

“J…Jill…?”  
  
His only daughter gasped, slowly kneeling beside him, “Yes, papa?”  
  
His throat was too dry. Barely able to lift his arm to point, he knew there was a dry erase board on the wall. He had…to write it. Jill looked back and quickly nodded, rushing to grab it. Good, he…had to say…this… 

He could barely grasp the marker, so weak his eyes wouldn’t even stay open. Okay… ‘I…love…you’. 

Well…this wasn’t met with a whole lot of joy, he was hearing from their bemoans that he just pull through. Okay…maybe not…I love…you… 

Almost dropping the pen a number of times, he…managed, he hoped. It was probably absolute chicken scratch. Nothing…new… 

Jill picked it up and fell silent before saying to, apparently, Matsushima: “…Do you know what this means?”  
  
Yamada hoped because either this worked or he died a miserable death which would be fantastic right now. Matsushima was quiet before finally muttering: “Well, I’ll be damned.”  
  
“Did he literally just cure this thing _dying_?” Koji demanded. 

“I can’t say but…this is the most practical solution I’ve seen and the most logical.”  
  
He started calling people to bring in the various antibiotics and IVs. Yamada was almost unconscious again but he could only _pray_ treating it like Anthrax inhalation with manifested symptoms would have some affect. Otherwise his other suggestion of releasing the rabies virus to kill the toxins then inoculating for _that_ would be torture as well. 

Dana leaned back and crossed her arms, closing her eyes. Well…he guessed he’d have to…come up with more solutions just in case… 

…This time she was asking him to save himself. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

This was unimaginable. 

It’d been eight days. Yagami Shin refused to leave his father’s room except for the bare essentials, taking a quick shower at their old home and coming immediately back. Apparently they all came to that vow, all of his siblings doing the same. Their spouses would come by to check on them but until his dad was on his feet? No, he was not leaving him. 

It was unimaginable that not one thing had been said in the news yet except ‘Kamaishi Domo found dead’. For an instance he thought they were protecting his father but that wasn’t feasible at this point. They were protecting themselves until they could delete everything and make it seem like they were running everything to protocol. Luckily apparently his father had enough information otherwise but it wasn’t comforting. No one knew his dad was here except them and, well, the hospital workers who were always down here out of concern for dear Yagami-senpai. Otherwise, their children and grandchildren? No idea grandpa was in the hospital with a gunshot wound. Probably wouldn’t believe them anyway. 

It was unimaginable that, for all the people reviewing treatment for Forte, no one thought to treat it like a toxin. It took at least three days to get his fever under a hundred but at least within the first day it was under 101. People had been _dying_ of these extreme fevers and his dad, in the midst of one, comes up with a treatment. And, while they still had to put strips or something like that around the wound to slow the spreading, it did stop. Now…they were doing some new treatment for skin to, essentially, just…grow back really fast. It was very grotesque looking and apparently equally as painful. Currently his father was writhing and groaning in agony. To keep him from moving _too much_ and tearing the newly forming flesh, they’d had him tied to the bed for three days. 

Shin glowered toward his mother who, now, he understood even less. Not once in eight days had he seen her approach their father’s side. She was sitting on the window seat, absently reading magazines. She’s move around and eat and all. Just she did not speak to him, she did not answer to him, _nothing_. The only redeeming thing Shin could say was, whereas they left to shower and whatnot, she had not left the hospital, bathing in the small stall they had in the room and having Jill bring her clothes. Just… _how_? Even the aloof Koji who was still trying to deal with _all of this_ was by their father’s side. What even was her excuse? 

Yamada was moaning, folding his legs and trying to move but the straps having him completely immobilized. He was bright red and just…in agony. Shin wouldn’t be able to stand it if this was Lyla, what…was her excuse?  
  
“Dana” Yamada sobbed, “Dana!”  
  
She looked up absently from her phone, her eyes half-closed. Again, she didn’t make a move. Shin had had enough. “Mother, dad is _calling out to you_. Can you at least _pretend_ you care and check on him _once_?”  
  
While he expected her to almost scoff, she sighed deeply and, _finally_ , ambled to her feet to wander to their father. She _still_ looked apathetic, standing by his side and looking down at him. He looked up, his face full of pain and misery. “ _Dana_. _Dana._ Listen to me…if I die…”  
  
“Papa, _no_ ” Jill whined.  
  
Yea, give her his dying writs. He just…didn’t understand how two people could be together this long for her not to care…  
  
“ _Avenge me_.”  
  
…They all looked up and stared, apparently universally not sure if any of them had heard correctly. Koji actually voiced: “…What?”  
  
The man grasped their mother’s wrist, the woman’s eyes understandably wide as he sat up as much as the straps allowed. “ _Avenge me_. Fin-Find whoever made this-this _bullet_ and _kill them_. Make them _suffer because they deserve to die for even thinking this_. _Avenge me,_ Dana.”  
  
…Mmkay. The man fell back dramatically, continuing to moan in distress. For _whatever reason_ , though that apathetic expression was now _completely appropriate_ as a response to whatever that was, their mom looked at him so sadly, reaching out to stroke his brow, “Oh Yama…that’s the most coherent thing you’ve ever told me when you’re sick.”  
  
“ _What_? What about that was coher— _no_!” Shin scowled, “No one is avenging anybody!”  
  
She leaned over and kissed his forehead, “I don’t know what these jerks are doing to you. My poor Yamachin. Don’t worry, I’ll fix it.”  
  
“Your _what_?” Nelly demanded.  
  
“Shut up. Matsushima!” she called to the man apparently who just happened to be walking by.  
  
He slowly entered the room, the look on his face conveying he knew he was about to get a tongue lashing. “Now, Dana--”  
  
“Don’t you ‘now Dana’ me” she huffed, poking him in the chest, “That man in this bed has given you his sweat, blood, and tears, Matsushima. He had hospitals from other _countries_ begging that he come practice with them and he turned them down out of loyalty to _you_. He put this hospital on the map and you are not going to treat him this way.”  
  
“Dana, please, I _know that_. Why, just lying here he’s already gotten accolades—the treatment he suggested is apparently being successfully implemented in several other cases. He’ll get a prize!” Matsuhima protested.  
  
“When he’s _dead_?!”  
  
“Dana, he is _past_ dying. He’s at most 99 degrees, 33.72 Celsius--”  
  
Their mom glared, “You listen closely, Matsushima: how is my husband supposed to recover with whatever the hell it is you’re doing to him?”  
  
“What is it we’re doing!?”  
  
“I have known Yagami Yamada since _1978._ He has _never_ slept on his back like you have him tied down. He gets cramps in his feet, _that’s_ why he’s really squirming every few minutes!”  
  
…Eh? Shin’s eyes widened as he slowly looked to his father. Recounting in his memory, he found…she was right. He always lied on his side when he slept. But…who would notice that? Dana continued, “And you’re giving him this _rabbit food_. Tofu! Natto! Yamada is a _giant_. He requires _protein and iron_ , not-not _this_!”  
  
Matsushima rolled his eyes around, “ _Dana,_ the food, _whatever_. But I can’t have him rolling around and tearing the new flesh, we’ll be back at square one.”  
  
“Well, since the food is ‘whatever’, I will go make him something to eat then I will hold him while he sleeps. Yamada doesn’t roll around a lot anyway and considering he’s slept maybe an _hour_ since he’s been here, he oughta sleep like a log!”  
  
They all stared. Their mother…cook? 

…It wasn’t as if she _never_ had, it was just…very uncommon from the point they were capable of handling the task. Like, very once in a blue moon. And God only knows since they _left_ the house. He’d really only seen his father make anything. It’d…been awhile. 

Dana walked over to Yamada and stroked his hair back to get his attention. His eyes opened weakly and she said soothingly, “Yama, I’m going to go make you something to eat. Anything you want.”  
  
His blue eyes brightened. Maybe… _that_ was why mama was ignoring him, he was at least slightly delirious and nothing at this time period was anything they ought to take seriously, especially the vengeance speech. But he said so hopefully: “The cheesy potatoes?”  
  
Dana just stared at him motionlessly. 

“Cheesy potatoes?” Tony echoed, “What’s that?”  
  
“An _abomination_. Yamada, there has to be _something_ else you want” Dana insisted once she recovered. 

“Oh…whatever then” he said, his spirit cooling as he turned his head sadly.  
  
Their mother looked exasperated, grumbling she wasn’t even sure she remembered the ingredients before marching out. “You all care for your papa, I’ll be back once I finish his impending _heart attack_.”  
  
Matsushima smirked and left without another word. Okay. They all watched as, yes, their poor dad didn’t seem comfortable at all. Shin had thought it was the flesh healing that was hurting him, not…lying on his back. 

…He guessed his mother…did know. 

After about two hours, she finally returned, holding sodas and paperware with a large container. Jill stood to assist her as the woman doled out the food onto six plates and one large amount on another. Shin was confused as she passed…something around to all of them. “Isn’t this for dad, mom…?”  
  
“There’s more than enough. You lot haven’t been eating well either.”  
  
Well, no…Koji poked at his slowly, his brows creased. “I…very vaguely remember something like this?”  
  
“Yea…” Nelly drawled, spinning his fork.  
  
It looked a little less…healthy than Shin was used to but it did smell delicious. He looked up as his mother undid the straps the nurse had redone after getting their father bathed and helped him sit up against the pillows. He opened his eyes wearily and she grunted, holding a spoon up to his mouth. “It won’t taste _anything_ like it used to. We eat well now!”  
  
His dad smiled, “I bet it’s perfect.”  
  


He expected his mother was just giving the first spoonful just for ‘kicks’ but she fed him the whole meal. Tony gushed that he thought it was delicious too. Actually, no one _didn’t_ think it was delicious, even their mother, just…it was kind of hearty. 

Shin stared through heavy eyes as his mother allowed their dad to rest his head on her thigh, lying on his side. He looked…happy, despite all this. 

…Shin didn’t need to understand them, he supposed. In reality, they…appeared to understand each other quite well. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_“What the hell happened here?”  
  
Matsushima Shiro raised a brow as he entered the room, staring into the open space where their children were occupants. Currently, Koji was stretched out in the recliner, his head back and fast asleep. Tony, Jill, and Shaun were on the couch, curled up and also sleeping. Nelly had kind of draped himself in the window seat, a pillow under his head as he slightly snored. Shin, bless him, was sitting straight up with his arms crossed but he was also knocked out. Dana snorted, sitting in bed with her almost comatose husband who hadn’t moved once. _

_“Food. If I’d known that mad concoction would have put them out like this I would have put it into my weekly menu when they were kids.”  
  
She looked up at her oldest child, his head turning as he breathed peacefully. She bit her lip before lightly calling out, “Shin?”  
  
Calling him a few more times, she smiled, pleased, when he didn’t stir whatsoever. Good. Matsushima sighed, stuffing his hands in his pockets, “I don’t know why he didn’t come to me, Dana. This wouldn’t have happened this way.”  
  
“I’m more than positive you know why my husband did this on his own” Dana muttered, “…I wish he hadn’t but I know him. He did what I didn’t want him to but Yagami Yamada would only put up with so much.”  
  
“Believe me, Dana, no person would put up with this sort of insanity. But…you know what this means?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
…Just…to get him better first. Maybe it wouldn’t even matter.  
  
_ “What…is _that_?”  
  
Yagami Koji had to say he wasn’t sure he’d actually had Yagami Yamada as his father for all these years with the amount of things he’d learned in just the two weeks they’d been here. The pasta thing wasn’t _too much_ of a surprise. More ‘American’ than his dad normally ate but his dad wasn’t a picky eater. 

However, the day after, after they returned from their regiment of taking showers at the mansion, they found the man still curled up kind of weirdly with his head rested on their mother’s thigh. This time though, he was faintly awake and listening to Stairway to Heaven through their mother’s phone…? Did his dad listen to music? 

_“…I didn’t take dad for a Zeppelin fan.”_

This actually made their mom laugh? She remarked, _“Your dad loves Led Zeppelin. It was one of his favorite bands when we were teenagers.”  
  
_ So…there were _more_ bands he liked? Like, Koji always assumed his dad was listening to lectures or seminars when he had headphones on, not actually anything _fun_. Dana stared at them drolly when Shaun actually voiced something similar aloud. _“Your father listens to music, you brats. Remember when you older three listened to Nirvana?”_

Musing, Koji did have a slight glimmer from when they were maybe eleven or twelve and listening to ‘The Man Who Sold the World’. By that point, to them, it was by _Nirvana_. Shin looked surprised, “ _…Oh yea, dad did come in and was like ‘so, that’s a good version, but you should try David Bowie’.”_

_“To which I replied ‘who the hell is David Bowie?’” Koji had to snicker._

God, they probably drove the man insane then. Their mom listened to stuff, sure, and she always said ‘your father and my music didn’t do such and such’ but he always assumed she just meant _their_ generation. Okay, interesting. 

Maybe…Tuesday, their mom went to go do something and insisted they take care of him until she got back. He was lying up in bed, drearily staring at them. He seemed…weird lately. Like, this expression seemed more fitting on _his_ face, just kind of a flat boredom. Mm…kay. They tried to think of something to talk about but didn’t get the chance. Karrie Fontaine, one of the most well-known fashion top models of their time, walked in. 

They stared in absolute _confusion,_ the woman wearing a droopy hat, sunglasses, and a trench coat, that undercover outfit that seemed more suspicious than normal clothes. She smiled brightly, her dark black hair streaming down her shoulders. “ _Oh, Yamada! Aren’t you looking well! Why, when I heard, I was so frightened!”  
_  
…Hold on a damn minute here. Their defenses were going up quick. Their father stared at her with the same dreary expression, blinking languidly before saying monotonously: _“Do I know you?”_  
  
Surprisingly, the dainty model _smacked_ his arm with a loud sound, _“Don’t you go acting senile, ya’ putz!”_  
  
Their father smiled, waving her off, _“Good, I wasn’t sure if Karrie Fontaine was walking in here or Ezakiya Kari from Wasaba.”_  
  
She took off her glasses, huffing as she sat by his bed. _“I am Kari Fontaine, at least, you idiot.”_

_“Um, not that I wouldn’t be minutely impressed you had a supermodel side chick, what the hell is going on here?”_ Koji demanded. 

The woman in question smiled in their direction, _“Oh, I knew you two would have such handsome and good-looking kids! They were so adorable already as babies!”_  
  
_“Yea”_ their father remarked rather simply. 

Oh, so _ignore_ his question! Alas, their mother walked back in, carrying what looked like Chinese food containers, and looked briefly startled. _“Wow, I didn’t expect you to actually stop by, Kari.”_  
  
Um. Kari sighed, _“I figured I would before I went off to Madrid for the show. Mina and her wife are stuck in Singapore for this project she’s doing so she told me I need to check on our ol’ buddy here.”_  
  
… _Karrie Fontaine was from Wasaba?_

Dana sighed heavily, handing Chinese food around to everyone before coming to sit beside their dad, opening a container of what looked like… _“Sorry, Yama, where we used to get mapo-doufo is long gone. Hopefully this tastes similar.”_  
  
Their father gazed at her deeply. Eh? _“…You go to the show in Madrid. You’re supposed to show there. You always show there.”  
  
“Well, not this year since my husband decided to go _ **_thug out_** _.”_

He looked sulky, taking the container and feeding himself with a rather dour expression. Kari smirked at them, _“You know, by all statistics, that you two have been married this long is a probable impossibility but you’re both still cute.”_  
  
They both scoffed and Kari laughed. So…they were old friends. With a supermodel. Dana sighed as she got a phone call, setting her food down to go take it in the hallway. Kari looked after her before glancing to their father, her eyes closing some. “ _You feel vindicated_? “  
  
Their father looked to her. “ _How so?_ ”  
  
“ _You finally got him. The guy that killed Shin.”_  
  
…Oh. They…did know a little bit about Shin’s namesake. Yamada stared at her before shaking his head, _“…Everything that he did still came to pass. My wife and son. My sometimes best friend. 68 other people. If it brought Shin back, if it took away my family’s suffering, then yea, then. Just, as is, that I broke a vow to my wife and self? Maybe relief. But vindicated? …I don’t feel anything.”  
_  
Koji had swallowed hard. Yea…yea. 

Wednesday, their dad actually talked to them a bit. It…still didn’t _sound_ like him but then, the him Koji thought he knew wasn’t really him, it seemed. He told them randomly about this time he went to the states to see AC/DC, his first time in America, with Cliff’s dad. Jill smiled as he talked about her father-in-law and how he supposedly wrecked the man’s now million dollar muscle car. Apparently he used to party a lot too which seemed completely unnatural, especially with the slight insinuation he may have once been sleeping with the supermodel that came in. Before he met mother, of course. Uh huh. 

Weirdly, the hospital phone rang. It was an olden convention…usually if his father needed to call the nurse, he already had a remote. Even he looked a little perplexed, picking it up and pressing it to his ear. “Hello? …Oh, hi, dad.”  
  
Come again? 

They all looked at him blankly as he glanced at his nails, nonplussed. “Yes, I’m doing fine…no, no, really. It was pretty rough, I’m still aching a lot but I should be out in another week or so.”  
  
Dad? As in, the one that birthed _him_? Was…was he like 130 something years old?? Where had he been their _entire lives_ if their dad knew him to answer the phone this casually?! Their dad chattered with him for a few more minutes before the man made a face. “I don’t think your wife would appreciate it, dad…yes, I know it’s been _years_ but…well…if you insist. I haven’t changed residence. Yes…yes. Okay.”  
  
He hung up and Nelly stared at him through heavy lids. “…You mean to tell me we have a living grandfather?”  
  
“What? All your grandparents are alive.” 

_WHAT?_ “Whaddya mean all our grandparents are alive?!” Tony demanded, “Where were they?!”  
  
“Well, your mother’s parents are terrible people which some of you may recall and my mother’s a bitch…my dad basically sneaks talking to me because he told his wife he had a love child and she absolutely despises me. But you met him once when you were small.”  
  
…It was like the _vaguest_ memory he could recall but he did remember…a helicopter? What? Why was their life so _weird_?! 

So Monday they found out their dad liked…music. Tuesday, both their parents knew a renowned supermodel. Wednesday, all four of their grandparents were alive _somehow._ Witchcraft, _maybe_. Thursday, Izumi Craig came by so their dad _did_ get upset and proclaim he wanted to replace this _multi-million dollar car he apparently threw into a ravine_ to which Craig swore on all that’s holy if he brought it up ever again, he may kill him. 

Today? Apparently their mother wanted to give him a neck and back massage while they were away. They got back and he was still shirtless, lying lackadaisically stretched out with his head on their mom’s lap, asleep. Aside from the fact this eighty, ninety something would put actual twenty year old gym rats to shame, it…looked like he had another tattoo he didn’t recall at all? _Their dad_? He got _another_ one after the first youthful crazy one? 

“I think you have a couple hundred to know exactly what those are” Dana remarked drolly, scribbling in her sketchpad. 

“ _Five_ ” Koji corrected, glowering incredulously, “The rebel one, weird, but another one?”  
  
‘Rebel’. His dad, the least rebellious human being on Earth until like, this month. Or maybe not, he was wrecking muscle cars, banging models, and listening to hard rock, God knows. On his side, he wasn’t…certain. It looked like English curled into a spiral or something. 

“Yea, I don’t remember the one on his ribs at all” Shin raised a brow. 

“This one he got when you were around ten, Shin” their mother explained, “It’s all of your names circled around mine.”  
  
Eh?? Indeed, it appeared it…was all of their full names, circling from oldest to youngest.  
  
“…And what was the story about the posery one on his stomach again?” Shaun questioned, brow raised. 

“He’s had that since before I knew him. Apparently he was drunk and or…under the influence at the time and he greatly regrets it.”  
  
Under the influence of _what_?! Why was their dad a normal person?! Nelly crossed his arms, raising a brow at her, “…Do _you_ have one?”  
  
“If I told you I’d have to kill you and I figure I’d regret wasting the eighteen years it took me to see you get into adulthood” Dana said dryly. 

_What?_ The man in question’s eyes opened some as he slowly sat up, scratching his ear. “…Are we still _here_? I’m _fine_!”  
  
“You are not. You haven’t said one sane Yamada thing in two weeks” Dana droned, drawing broad strokes.  
  
“What?” Jill questioned, confused.  
  
“Your father has the immunity of a _boulder_ somehow and he’s only gotten sick a handful of times he’s been a doctor. However, when he does, he’s reduced to a whiny coddling incoherent _baby_. _That’s_ why I was ‘ignoring’ him the first few days, there’s no helping him when he’s like that. Also, I guarantee when his fever finally comes to a constant below 99 degrees he won’t remember anything he’s told you.”  
  
But it _was_ low…he huffed, dropping back on their mother’s lap dramatically. He…had been kind of odd though. Shin sat down, staring out of the window before sighing. “Well, I don’t blame him for getting restless regardless. This…this is kind of confining.”  
  
“Why don’t you all go get your dad something to eat…and yourselves. Invite your spouses, see your children. I know I can’t tell you ‘go home’ because you’re only stubborn because of us but reassure them everything’s okay” Dana offered, “And bring your papa a tuna melt.”  
  
Tuna melt? “…That doesn’t sound like a bad idea” Nelly murmured, “I haven’t seen the knuckleheads in a while.” 

She smiled and nodded, “Go on. Don’t worry, we’ll be here.”  
  
Koji wasn’t necessarily in the mood. No, not that he _didn’t_ want to see his kids and grandkids and his wife for more than an hour but just… 

He left to leave, really, having to wander around. It…it didn’t sink in. Part of him was…was unable to cope with the fact that the monster in his nightmares had been slain. It was because he was still the monster in his nightmares. All the same, now he could walk around without thinking ‘is he just behind me?’ or ‘will I see him today?’. No…he saw that his demon was gone and he’d left behind the spirits that Koji realized would never go away. He’d…he’d never be normal. Never. He never had the opportunity to be normal. Even if his parents _hadn’t_ done what they did, he’d… 

He’d still be right here. 

Like his father, he wasn’t certain who to be now either. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_Yagami Yamada’s fever spiked randomly. Very randomly, it just didn’t make sense after a week of being stable. The doctors were panicked that his antidote hadn’t worked. They gave him some IVs and antibiotics to get it down, around him all day that day. He hadn’t woken up at all and, despite it all, their mother didn’t seem the least bit perturbed. It…was weird but she seemed to know the outcome as, the very next day, he was cool as a cucumber. Also?_

_“…Dana?”_

_The blond man gazed at them all with this…strange air of confusion, as if he wasn’t certain of his circumstances. He sat up in bed, looking around before staring down. He had never really regained a hospital gown or shirt to wear and, frankly, their dad didn’t strut around without a shirt on around them. In fact, his face registered alarm._

_Oh. So he was back. “Dana?”  
  
Their mother stood, holding a white t-shirt. He looked a bit relieved but still very puzzled as she helped him pull it on, “What’s…what’s going on?”  
  
“You’ve been in the hospital for pretty much three weeks, Yama. You recall going and killing Domo and getting shot, perhaps?”  
  
“Oh.”  
  
‘Oh’. He rubbed his arm, staring around at all of them slowly. “You…you all have been here this whole time?”  
  
“Yep, and titillated by all your threesome and pothead stories” Tony droned. _

_He just blinked slowly. “…I have no idea what you’re talking about.”  
  
Shin smirked and Koji couldn’t help smile some, resting his chin in his palm, “Yea, that senile act does sound more like dad. Welcome back, I guess.”  
  
Jill rushed to hug him, whispering, “I’m so glad you’re okay, papa.”  
  
“Of course, sweetie. I’m…I’m sorry I worried you all. I can only imagine what’s been going on these past few weeks. I guess I didn’t register anything because I thought I was hallucinating” he murmured, rubbing her back. _

_Their mother looked up when the doctors walked in and pursed her lips. “…It’ll be nothing compared to what’s about to happen.”  
  
What? Instantly, their father appeared solemn as they were asked to leave, probably to give the man a thorough checkup before giving him a clean bill of health. For whatever reason, after basically two weeks of being sweet and coddling with their dad, their mom suddenly became brisk and cool again, giving him a hard look. Just…why? _

_They stood outside for about fifteen minutes in complete silence, not thinking much of it. It hadn’t registered that anything would change. Not until two police officers came._

_Shin stared at them weirdly as they both awkwardly stared at the ground before saluting. “Chief Yagami.”  
  
“At ease. Is there a reason you’re here?” Shin questioned, crossing his arms.  
  
“W-Well sir…”  
  
“They’re here to take your father to prison, Shin.”  
  
They all looked to their mother quickly, the woman leaning against the wall, expressionless. Wait…what? Shin instantly squared up, balling his fists. “On literally what grounds, if my mother is correct?”  
  
One of them looked down, squirming, the other shakily handing him apparently arrest papers. Shin gritted his teeth, flipping through them. No. Fucking. Way. Koji snatched the papers from him and almost tore them to shreds. “Our father killed a fucking DEMON, Shin, they ought to be giving him a motherfucking medal!”  
  
Shin was just silent. Oh, so in the end, he was going to be Mister Lawful and Disciplined. Nelly glared and they seemed to be of the unified thought that they might have to fight and bust the man out of here. _

_“It’s okay, you all.”  
  
They looked up as their father walked out, seeming unbothered. Dana cut her eyes at him as the doctors emerged, looking far more troubled than either of them. Yamada sleepily held up his hands…in defeat. Ugh! What was wrong with them!? The hell he was letting his dad get arrested for finally stopping the person allowed to torture them!!  
  
“I just request that I be able to take a shower in the employee area. I don’t know if I’ve had a proper bath since I got here.”  
  
“Y-Yes sir.”  
  
They…were just dumbfounded as he walked casually toward the elevators, getting surrounded by other nurses and hospital workers that were relieved to see him well. And about to be toted off to prison. Their mother pulled away to follow him but…they couldn’t…  
  
Apparently his dad turned in Domo coming to ambush him at the café. He turned in the man beating his wife. Their mother turned in the man that came to beat her. Over…and over…he broke the law, committed heinous acts, and nothing. After fighting for his life, the second he was in ‘good standing’, they came to tote him off to jail. Koji glared toward the deadpan Shin who watched as the officers started to follow their father, a man who’d spent his whole life saving lives who now was going to be plastered across the news as a murderer. Shin put his hand up to halt them.  
  
“I’ve done…an innumerable amount of missions for my country, my…world, and I have served Japan with honor. But I swear to you two and you take it into whatever account you want, if something happens to my father before his hearing, I will take out the entire regime responsible for kissing the Kamaishi feet, you understand me? And I don’t mean methodical. I will take people out.”  
  
They looked alarmed. Shin probably could do some damage when it was all said and done. But they just nodded, “Y-Your father is a respected citizen, o-of course he’ll be well taken care of.” _

_Ha! That was fucking hilarious. Shin didn’t say anything as the scurried off to catch up with them. “…Koji.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“…This is why mom was mad.”  
  
The others looked to him helplessly. Nope. Koji’s head had already gone there too. “…They’re going to put our father in prison. For the person…that…and hurt our mother and tried…tried to kill him…” _

_…He should have stayed away then._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

“You know, Yagami Yamada--”  
  
Yamada groaned, staring drearily at his wife as she talked through the hole at him, looking just so matter of fact and…her. Except, when she said his name like that, he knew he was about to get an earful. 

He saw it coming. It wasn’t anything that shocked either him or Dana, really. Their children looked horrified but they probably didn’t figure they’d see the day where their father would be sitting in prison. It was okay. He got meals, he had his own cell. People generally left him alone, just asking ‘hey, aren’t you that doctor? Whatcha’ in for?’. Oh, murder. Apparently this quite intrigued his neighbors. 

Sulking as passerby inmates peered into the window at the door and catcalled at his immaculate spouse, the woman not even slightly bothered, she continued, “I think…when my parents busted into our apartment all those years ago, me young and pregnant with your child, that I said ‘hey, you leave my husband alone and I’ll go with you’. I think that’s how that went, Yamada, I think I did that to keep you out of prison for both of our indiscretion. You, you asshole, did not uphold your end of the bargain.”  
  
“I’m a terrible person, Dana.”  
  
“You are a terrible person, Yamada.”  
  
Yamada took a deep breath and stared at her through heavy eyes. “…He wasn’t going to stop, Dana. They weren’t going to stop him. I couldn’t sit back anymore. Just…couldn’t.”  
  
“Yamada, we were putty in that dead son of a bitch’s hands. In the end, I have not one thing I can say because one way or the other we’d have probably ended up here. He wants to destroy us and even if he’s in the grave, he’ll have his way” Dana said simply.  
  
Ugh. Bowing his head, he whispered miserably, “…Sorry I’m the Wasaba thug he always said I was. And that, at the end of every single thing I’ve accomplished, I’m still a meaningless hafu.”  
  
“Don’t say stupid things.” 

Stupid, perhaps, but true. When he went into that courtroom for his trial, some event that had been planned in no time flat with various ‘employees’ and family members of Kamaishi Domo coming out to speak for their ‘slain’ boss. Koji wanted to bring Keiji, his lawyer grandson, in on this but there was no way he was bringing his very first grandchild, the very first instance of his legacy making it, into this. No lawyer touched this with a ten foot pole either, not even their family one. Nope, he was certifiably and inevitably screwed. Like clay in their hands until the end. 

“Yagami-san?”  
  
He looked up as a guard walked in. It seemed like quite a short visit today…however, he looked confused. “…A man is here. Said he wanted to come and see you both. Akiyama Ozu?”  
  
…What? Dana looked confused, “Who is that?”  
  
“…Ole?” Yamada squinted.  
  
Dana looked to him, startled, as Yamada slowly nodded, “Y-Yes, we’ll see him.”  
  
The guard disappeared. Ole? Good…good lord, he hadn’t heard from Ole in over sixty years! What brought him by now? Dana stared blankly before saying rather…innocently, “…Tep, Jum, and Roller weren’t their names, were they?”  
  
“Aside from Jum, no, dear.”  
  
Before she could question more, like a living phantom, Ole walked in wearing a nice suit and a smile. “Yamada. Dana.”  
  
“Ole…I…I can’t believe it.”  
  
Dana smiled and shook his hands, “It’s good to see you. You have certainly been a stranger, we at least see the others once or twice a year.”  
  
He chuckled, reaching through the gap to shake Yamada’s hand, “I actually left the country in the beginning of the nineties to go to America. I had to be able to observe that whole Simpson trial. Their trials are…interesting, to say the least.”  
  
Simpson trial? “Yamada, I’m going to be really forward: I want to defend you in this case.”  
  
What? They both stared at him. “Wait…you’re…you’re a lawyer, Ole?”  
  
Ole grinned, dragging a chair over to sit beside Dana, “Yamada, you got to have the crazy goal that you could tell everyone about, being a doctor. If I told people in Wasaba I was gonna be a ‘crooked’ lawyer, they’d have chased me out on a rail.”  
  
“So you were going to school while I was??”  
  
He nodded, shrugging, “Rather than work every day, I would do three day twelve hour shifts and a Saturday for four hours. That way I could have two days of just full classes and about two on Saturday.”  
  
What?! “I-I never noticed. You went to Hondo?”  
  
“That too, I went to a smaller private college. I had to do some loans but, eh, I’ve more than paid those off now.”  
  
So…Ole was… “W-Well, that’s amazing, Ole. I wish you’d told _me_ , I wouldn’t have thought you were ‘crooked’.”  
  
With a laugh, he waved a hand, “Well, give it some time, it has been over fifty years.”  
  
…Defend him. “I-I mean, I’m sure you must have seen my name smeared across the news and came back over, Ole--”  
  
“Yes” Ole interrupted, confirming, “But I’ve also thought this circumstance with Kamaishi Domo was one of the most confounding injustices that I was privy to be an observer of. Not to mention, I know what you went through and I’m troubled to bring it up after all this time, but did you ever look at the other 68 people aside from Shin?”  
  
Yamada stiffened… “…No. I mean, a few but…I guess I didn’t think to.”  
  
“I completely understand that. I…I didn’t have to see it. Up close, anyway. Bari was one of the victims.”  
  
…oh. 

Dana looked between them, probably confused as he was frozen. She wasn’t apart of everything. Ole smiled some. “Bari was my fiancée, Dana. We called her Bali.”  
  
His wife looked alarmed, “Oh-Oh my God, I’m so sorry.”  
  
“It was a long time ago. And she was also convincing me she wasn’t still taking drugs but was apparently in the same place Shin had been. That doesn’t begin to make it better, just I can’t guarantee she wouldn’t have ended up losing her life regardless. However, her life was taken from her and for that, I’ve had a bit of a grudge.”  
  
Ole didn’t even _act like anything was wrong_ though. Yes, Yamada…Yamada saw Ole less after as he was taking care of his newborn child all alone but… Yamada grimaced and shook his head. “Look, I-I know what this must mean to you, Ole, but we also both know this whole thing is going to be fixed. Justice won’t be able to be served through me. We just need to take comfort in the fact the bastard is gone.”  
  
“Yamada, please” Ole scoffed, “You want to sit here and act like we’re powerless again? We haven’t worked as long and as hard as we have to let some rich thug family come in and trample everything you’ve done. The news is in a stupid frenzy. They can’t decide whether to villainize you for killing Domo or praise you for ending this epidemic with the Forte bullet—which, they have started confirming the Kamaishi was the one that developed! Even if you feel you’ve done something wrong, Yamada, you have done enough right that you have no reason to roll over. You just need to tell your story and that’s it. If Kamaishi Domo can kill almost seventy people and not have served time for that—and only serve timed after admitting, in open court, that he assaulted your child—then you’re going to validate your actions. We have something a little different.”  
  
“And what’s that?”  
  
“Truth. The truth of the matter was if that bastard was going to go around continuing his reign of terror, well, someone had to do something.”  
  
Yamada rested his chin in hand, glancing to Dana who was silent. “…I guess it troubles me as I never believed in playing judge, jury, and executioner, Ole, and the _truth_ is I did exactly that.”  
  
“The judge and jury put him in jail for fifty, sixty years for being disgusting enough to rape a four year old child. They also said that it was against his human rights not to offer him the serum so he didn’t die in prison like he ought have. And I am supremely hoping for my defense that you turned something in on him that led to this shooting.”  
  
“…Yea.”  
  
“Well, that’s good enough for me. Dana, I want you to help me collect the evidence and Yamada, I’ll be back and forth with you but it’s really going to be that simple: just tell the truth.”  
  
The two actually left together, talking and seemingly enthused. He was taken back to his cell to stare at the wall. This may be what he lived with for a long time. He’d see his kids and wife through a glass wall. He’d be known as a murderer whenever he did get out after decades of being a healer. He smiled some, lying on the uncomfortable cot to watch the ceiling. 

…He had nothing to hide. Ole was just telling him to talk. He would. And they wouldn’t listen and he’d stay here because, to people like Domo, this was where he was always supposed to be. Here or in the ground. If they couldn’t have the latter, this would be the only other way. Even when he called and told Ole about what he had as a second solution, he didn’t have faith it would be enough. 

…He wasn’t allowed to have faith. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

_This pissed him the fuck off._

_Yagami Koji glared darkly as son of a bitch after son of a bitch got on the stand to speak about Kamaishi Domo as a saint. Opening statements were pretty mild but when it got to this, to hearing how he’d done ‘oh so much’ for different charities and people, Koji wanted to scream. This literally could not be happening. They were painting the person responsible for probably now hundreds of deaths, biological weapons, violence and what he’d done to him…as some sort of…human being._

_Their dad? He just looked entirely apathetic._

_Why? How the hell was he this calm and collected? Did he know something? Had he given up? Did he not care?! Fuck the fact Koji didn’t want his dad going to prison PERIOD, he sure as fuck didn’t want him going to jail for THIS. The prosecution was trying to paint HIM as the madman!!  
  
Gritting his teeth, Koji knew that his father was going to be called to the stand last. They’d see his cool face and say ‘wow, that Yagami really doesn’t care and was always a murderer!’. No. Just no. Shin and the rest of his siblings looked…whatever, depressed or something. He was the only one fired up for God knows what reason. Everyone was here to support Yagami Yamada. His friends from Wasaba, his friends from other places. They came to see him beat this and instead they had already thrown in the towel. Even mom seemed to have given up but fuck that noise.  
  
The final witness before Yamada left the stand. Koji leaned forward and grabbed his shoulder from behind the gate. His father looked surprised as he hissed under his breath: “You tell them everything. You tell them what he did to YOU, what he did to SHIN, what he did to MOM, and you tell them what he did to ME. I don’t care what you have to say, do-don’t you dare let him get away with everything he’s done. Do-Don’t you dare.”  
  
Koji hadn’t meant for his voice to break or to tear up but he was so angry and miserable that this was happening. They weren’t…they weren’t the only ones feeling this, damn them. Domo probably never thought he’d be killed but he was and his hoodlums were more than willing to finish his destruction. He was just…that powerful. Koji felt him even now. _

_His father stared at him before suddenly reaching out and patting his shoulder. “…It would be disrespectful of me to not do my best. Thank you.”_

_“Before my defendant takes the stand, I would like to ask Otoki-san some questions.”  
  
Koji glanced to his father’s lawyer, apparently an old friend of his. He hadn’t said much and that irked Koji just as much. Maybe he was in cahoots too. The judge nodded as ‘Ole’ stood in front of the jury. _

_“Otoki-san, how long have you been in the Kamaishi family’s service?”  
  
“Why, fifty, sixty years.” _

_“So you decided to stay in their employment even after Kamaishi-san’s imprisonment?”  
  
“Objection” the prosecutor droned.  
  
Ugh, trials. “Overruled” the judge answered.  
  
“I did” huffed Otoki-san.  
  
“Otoki-san, you were aware of the proceedings and why Kamaishi-san was in prison?”  
  
Koji swallowed, glowering at the man who’d probably say ‘yes, he didn’t do it’. He wouldn’t be able to stomach this. “I assume it was some plot that Yagami and his wife came up with to get him out of the way.” _

_What…? “Do you…know this plot you assume?” Ole questioned slowly.  
  
“Does it matter the plot?”  
  
Wait, what? Ole cleared his throat, walking toward the jury, “If I wasn’t eavesdropping a bit, I wouldn’t feel comfortable depicting this information but as the annals of time and the powers that be have squashed all the information they could about it—however, I did keep a newspaper clipping. I’m sure we remember newspapers.”  
  
His mother gripped his hand suddenly, probably thinking he needed to be protected from his own life and traumas again as the man unfolded a piece of laminated paper. The jury looked stunned, full of people that had either forgotten or weren’t even alive to begin with. The headline read boldly ‘Kamaishi Charged with Child Molestation’. “This is evidence from article F. Otoki-san, your dear boss was charged with several counts of raping and assaulting a four-year-old boy. Actually, Yagami-san’s four-year-old son at the time. And, before you assume this was the ‘plot’, I will allow you to survey the article if you must but Kamaishi-san admitted in court that he did indeed commit the acts charged against him.”  
  
The jury suddenly whispered harshly and alarmed, the prosecutor standing, “Objection!”  
  
“Withdrawn” Ole raised a hand, “Otoki-san, were you aware that Kamaishi-san was found guilty of this?”  
  
Koji expected yakuza bravado, a ‘so what?’ or something equally as repugnant. Surprisingly, he just looked…mortified. “No.”  
  
“So, it was withheld after our government capped all information about the crime what it was that Domo was guilty of?”  
  
Otoki-san looks absolutely indignant, “Nobody knew! Nobody would disrespect themselves workin’ for a child-raping perp!”  
  
…Oh. Codes or something, Koji supposed. “Thank you, Otoki-san. That’s all.”  
  
The man DID NOT look pleased. He even asked Ole as he passed if he could look at the paper. In…a matter of speaking, that was pretty much all their government’s fault for quelling anything that may make them look bad. Bad things happened no matter what, it wasn’t a scourge on everyone as a whole...it was just good that Ole kept that paper.  
  
“Would Yagami Yamada please come to the stand?”  
  
Oh hell. His father stood and Koji tensed as people whispered. Here goes. _

_He slipped into the chair, holding up his hand as he was sworn in. The prosecutor stared at him deeply as he stood before clearing his throat. “Yagami-san, tell the jury a little about yourself—well, let me amend. Everyone knows you very well as a renowned surgeon and doctor. The amount of people and research projects you’ve been able to assist in is astounding. I’m sure everyone in this room has heard of you once or twice. But what about before then?”  
  
The hell did that matter? Their father blinked slowly, “…I was born in 1961 in West Wasaba to a single young mother. We were destitute for much of my youth until I dropped out of school to work to help us get by. Eventually my now wife convinced me to go take an examination to surpass getting into high school, I went to Hondo University, and that’s essentially it.”  
  
…Their dad dropped out of school?? “Oh, there’s far more than that, Yagami-san. But, let’s start with part of that story. When did you meet…your wife, Yagami-san?”  
  
Shit. “I met my wife in 1978. We met through a mutual acquaintance.”  
  
“Were you aware that your now wife was engaged to Kamaishi Domo at the time, Yagami-san?”  
  
“Not upon meeting but over time it was mentioned.”  
  
“So you knew at some point in the…courtship that she was already engaged to another man?”  
  
Their father raised a brow. It seemed like an unusual expression so Koji almost felt something really crazy was about to come out of his mouth. “It’s going to sound especially skeevy in this day and age but my wife was engaged to a nineteen-year-old yakuza at fourteen-years-old and he was already vile to her back then. So yes, I suppose our ‘courtship’ viewed the fact that she was engaged. Her life had already been decided before it started.”  
  
…Oh. “You are correct, Yagami-san. As a father myself, I wouldn’t dream of putting my fourteen-year-old daughter with an almost twenty year old for marriage. Of course, by those same standards, she was a bit young for you too, wasn’t she?”  
  
…Oh. Nelly actually glanced at their mother, his brows furrowed as she scoffed. Yea, technically speaking here, Koji was guilty of allowing his daughter to be with someone actually criminally older but she was ‘marriageable age’ by their laws. Their mom was…definitely kind of pushing it. Their father was quiet for a moment before nodding, “…In a different time and place, yes, I would never have considered it. But, at the time, I didn’t see anything wrong with it _ . _I won’t speak for her but I don’t think it was ever as nonconsensual as the relationship with Domo was.”  
  
“But you do acknowledge that Kamaishi-san was your wife’s fiancé and that, largely, it would be uncouth to pursue his bride?”  
  
“If that’s how you want to paint it, yes, I stole Kamaishi-san’s bride to be my wife” Yamada said in a confusingly dry tone. _

_“That’s not…well, don’t you think Kamaishi-san would have been a little frustrated with this fact?”  
  
“Kamaishi Domo expressed that he was aggravated that a…mixed heritage person such as myself would think to do such a thing, yes.”  
  
Koji frowned as the prosecutor paused. “…So you’re saying that Kamaishi-san may have been a racist?”  
  
“There’s over four hundred texts where sixty percent of them he acknowledged me as a ‘hafu’ or ‘muckblood’ so I’d say most certainly he was.”  
  
“People…angry over things often do find things to nitpick, Yagami-san, and while I don’t excuse racism, perhaps he was just venting.”  
  
Oh yea, he was just ‘venting’ in 240 messages. Yamada stared at him emptily before leaning back, “I met Kamaishi Domo before either of us recognized who the other was. Actually, before he realized what I was going to do or who I was going to be—he proceeded to tell me that he was going to ‘break’ me for standing up to him and his first attempt to belittle me was through my…genetics. And, upon the end of the argument, he was disgusted by my attempts to pay for a drink that occurred in the situation due to my money being ‘dirty’ due to who I was.”  
  
The prosecutor frowned, “So you’re saying you’d met Kamaishi-san before?”  
  
“Yes. Otoki-san can verify, he was there.”  
  
Koji glanced to the man in question who was amongst, he supposed, other Kamaishi yakuza reading over the article. He briefly looked up before quickly looking back down. Hmm. _

_“Akiyama-san…presented the possibility that the Kamaishi Family are ‘yakuza’ who, in the seventies, dealt in cocaine. If this is the truth, why would you have been meeting with the leader of a drug syndicate?”  
  
Ole was tapping his temple. He probably wanted to object but if Koji understood the strategy correctly, the ‘truth’ was all that needed to be said. Yea, if the truth didn’t sound bad, maybe. Their dad took a deep breath before exhaling: “…There is no evidence left to corroborate what I’m going to say but plenty of people were there to know I’d never deal any sort of drug. However…I had a friend that was in Kamaishi’s…ranks and sold cocaine for him. It was brought to my attention by one of Kamaishi’s leaders that my friend was stealing cocaine from the yakuza. Stealing from the yakuza is…very looked down upon. So, he expressed that if…if I filled in where my friend was stealing, they wouldn’t kill him. So, in a twisted way, I was involved.”  
  
Shin grimaced, burying his face in his hands. Yea, that didn't sound good. “Oh, and, conveniently, that friend and the leader aren’t here to corroborate the story?”  
  
“They couldn’t be” Yamada said flatly, his crystal blue eyes darkening some, “The other article Akiyama-san presented about the 69 people shot without any resolution included them—Hamasaki Shin and Hisakawa Tomichii.”  
  
“You remember the drug leader’s name too?”  
  
“I remember everyone I wasn’t able to save.”  
  
Making a face, the prosecutor crossed his arms behind his back, “…You also consider that shooting to be Kamaishi’s fault?”  
  
“He was there. He instigated the killing.”  
  
“To get back at you, you feel?” the prosecutor said, a hint of heckling in his voice.  
  
…A surprised look crossed their dad’s face. Eh? He stared at the man for a long quiet moment before saying…very quietly, “…I…I never considered it that way, I don’t think.” _  
  
_“Never?”  
  
“…I guess I always just thought it was instigated by Shin for stealing.”  
  
“Well, that is just as likely, I’ll give you that.”  
  
“Yama…” their mother suddenly whispered. _

_Koji looked toward her and found she looked concerned. He didn’t really get all the nuances but he…could sort of tell his father looked very bothered by this possibility. Just…wasn’t that version of Shin just going to get killed for stealing anyway? Would it have mattered if his father had started bad blood with Domo before?  
  
“Moving on, Yagami-san. Let me ask you something: do you know what they called you in Wasaba back in your younger days? On the…mean streets of Wasaba, I mean.”  
  
Their dad just stared at him. It wasn’t a sullen look, just kind of blank. “…No.”  
  
“No, you won’t tell the courtroom?”  
  
“No, I literally have no remembrance of what they called me on the streets. It was always unimportant to me. I’d lean toward ‘blond bastard’ before anything else.”  
  
“No, not-not ‘blond bastard’--”  
  
“We called ya’ ‘blond bastard’, Yamada, no worries!” hooted one of his old friends from the audience.  
  
Their dad smirked in he guessed Roller’s direction as the judge lightly tapped his gavel for order and the prosecutor looked sullen. “No. The other name. Reikoku.”  
  
“What? So dad was like the Hitokiri Battosai of the hood?” Shaun whispered, stunned.  
  
Dana managed to reach out and smack his ear. Their father indeed looked rather unimpressed. “Was that it?”  
  
“It was going off of the people we asked that recalled you. ‘Reikoku’. Ruthless. How does one receive that name, Yagami-san? Is it from the memories of former drug addicts and drowsy aged old men that still recall how ‘Reikoku’ was able to, single-handedly, fight off a gang of ten yakuza? Or, how he’d get into knife fights without a knife and still come out the victor?”  
  
Man, their dad was badass then. He looked bored all the same. “…I did not get into fights because I wanted to, I assure you. If you asked those men more closely it was due to me having to defend myself or die. I wasn’t a fan of the idea of dying at the time.”  
  
‘At the time’. “So is that why you shot Kamaishi Domo?”  
  
“No.”  
  
_

_“Then tell the courts and Kamaishi-san’s family why it is he was found shot rather skillfully in the head at a club their family had to close after all the bad press he received following his conviction? If you felt you were threatened, why did you…commit vigilante justice instead of acting as a…lawful citizen and leave it to the authorities?”_

_Their dad looked firm, “…When there was a shooting or crime in Wasaba, you know what people would say if someone said ‘call the cops?’.”  
  
Koji glanced over his shoulder as, indeed, Kari and the other woman, Mina, along with the other three seemed to be whispering something under their breaths. Their dad voiced it aloud: “‘No, they won’t: this is Wasaba’. And it’s very difficult for me to admit this since my oldest son is a proud member of our police force and I am so proud of him but I’ve never been able to establish a complete trust in our officers after being brought up in Wasaba. And this case ruined it even further. As our phone records show, Domo was able to hack a conversation I was having with my son, the one to whom he attacked and harmed as a four-year-old child, to corner him at a restaurant. I went to the restaurant to clarify things and had several eye witnesses for the authorities to tell me ‘he should have reported it’ when my son was still reeling from seeing his rapist. I called the authorities when, again, Domo called my son to tell him he was going to potentially attack my granddaughter only to decide he would physically attack my wife. My wife also called them and was told ‘it was too late’ to report anything. I tried.”  
  
“B--”  
  
“That last text that Kamaishi Domo sent before I blew his head off told me everything I needed to know. I would never be anything but the hafu that got more than what I deserved in life and took his ‘property’. Remember that text? The one where he associates my wife on the same level as a car? He said he’d break me because that’s what he told me before he knew I had anything to do with his ‘property’. The most damning thing was when he said he’d come after my ‘everything’. My everything is my children, their children, their children, and my wife. He’d already broke the restraining order, coming after a person he admitted in the middle of a courtroom just like this that he raped, and cornering my wife at her business and punching her in the face. And the authorities did absolutely nothing. So I’m sorry that I didn’t meet the upper crust expectations in that…but where I’m from, you don’t get a first chance and I gave them three. I did what I had to. And whatever is decided…I did what I had to.”  
  
…Shit. Koji swallowed hard as the prosecutor watched their father silently before saying briskly: “Did he break you a little, Yagami-san?”  
  
“…Yea. I guess he did.”  
  
…Shit _ . 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

**_Keep knocking. No one's there. Pouring down, near be felt. I'm out here, by myself, all alone, ready to blow my head off. I hurt so bad inside. I wish you could see the world through my eyes. Each day is the same; I just wanna laugh again…_ **  
  
Koji gazed into the empty void of the lobby of the courthouse, stretched into a cutout corner with headphones and despair, the jury out for deliberation. He wished he felt confident, even after his father’s honest admittance and Ole’s moving closing. 

_“I can’t expect everyone in this jury to understand what Yamada is saying. It’s something only people from places like Wasaba understand. When you…give second and third chances in a place like that when the person messed up the first, you are bound for hell or death. We expect disappointment and anything else is merely a miracle. So when…you have a person that came out of, for today’s sake, Wensington, who…had everything given to them, were told they were always right and everything belongs to them should they want it, that there is nothing holding you to any moral compass because we can…buy our ways out of that, you can see the chaos in these two forces meeting. You have someone who realizes they have to make hard decisions quickly because any second guessing is the grave versus someone who has all the second chances and opportunity to use those second chances however they want without any regard for propriety. Yes, Yagami Yamada is now in the upper echelons of our society. A gifted doctor that has saved more lives with his talent than we can account for. You say to yourself, ‘he has power. He had the power to shape this differently’.”  
  
Ole paused in front of the jury, “But, if that’s the case, what is it that…made it so when Yagami Yamada, a man who has literally not one single personal account in a police record until THIS, coming out of WASABA, called the police they…snub him? You heard the recordings. Yagami-san was respectful, thorough, insistent that he had enough evidence to corroborate what he was telling our officers and what was their response? Nothing. It was…swept under the rug. When…the victim, THE VICTIM, comes to you and you dismiss it because it was not turned in on the same day but the next day? I will tell you what happened: Yagami-san’s privilege ended because suddenly Kamaishi Domo, once again, had the power to do what he wanted, when he wanted, how he wanted. And it is wrong. Wrong as hell…but we Wasaba boys will end up in prison to this day because we can’t afford to give second chances. Yamada…gave the authorities three. They have, sixty years later for us, still failed to show that those powers that be are in the same playing field and will be held accountable for their actions. The cops get bought off, we have to be the ones to make the moves. I’ll admit, I did grow up with Yagami-san. We all ran in the same circles, did the same childhood antics, but I could put twenty other people on the stand who will tell you he was different. He did not fight because he wanted to. People fought him because his hair was yellow or his eyes were blue or they just didn’t like him. He worked three jobs when our society told us ‘you sell drugs, this is the easiest way to make it’. He did not-did NOT go after this man after he was beating his wife and had raped his child. It’s SIX MONTHS LATER that this occurred. Anyone of us that loves our wife and children would have gone after him the day he was RELEASED. Yamada didn’t even respond to these threatening text messages ONCE. He was just pushed into a corner and he’d said ‘enough’. He’d given…three chances. Three. We…Wasaba kids don’t do that. He tried. He did what he had to do.”  
_  
**_Keep hoping. Nothing to spare. So my life isn't quite there. Feel like a whore. A dirty whore. Such a whore. Dirty. I'm out here, by myself, all alone, ready to blow my head off. I hurt so bad inside. I wish you could see the world through my eyes. Each day is the same; I just wanna laugh again._ ** _  
  
_ He would be obliterated if they said ‘guilty’ because, apparently, the Kamaishi clan did pay people off. A jury in their economy being offered billions for a guilty? It was terrible how inevitable it felt that he’d have to visit his father, the man that, for everything else, used to come home after a shift at a damn hospital and read him bedtime stories and would come talk to him about life, in a prison. Yes, he understood. He understood his father ended someone’s life and that was wrong. Just what did Domo get for ending his? Immortality when he should have died in prison and to walk right back into high end crime the second he was released. 

Koji knew his life wasn’t over. He knew that the living got to tell the deadman his woes were for nothing. But he literally did not care one bit and if he wouldn’t have been a pathetic sniveling sack of nerves he’d have wanted to pull the trigger himself. Maybe that was a character flaw but sitting here with that dead man’s ghost still chasing him in his head, he couldn’t…he couldn’t justify it. His father…wasn’t acting purely out of spite and anger. He was protecting them. It was wrong. But. 

He thought about how Jill, Tony, and Shaun would get to watch their dad go to jail for something they weren’t even coherent of. They knew Domo because of him. They knew his reign…because of him. They were all adults now. They weren’t going to be irreversibly harmed by this. Or…who the hell was he kidding? Sixty years was on the table. Koji’s grandchild would probably be a grandmother two times over by the time he got out. 

What would their mother do? He understood that whisper when she found out their dad went after Domo. ‘He’s always been there’. She told him things now, like how when she found out she was pregnant with Shin that she tried to run off and was going to wing it all by herself but their father threatened to throw everything away to find her if she did and then ran out in the rain until he could locate her. He worked, he went to school, and he raised a newborn child all by himself to get her back. And even when they were on opposite sides of the planet, Yagami Yamada was there for her and she knew that. Just how did that work when he was trapped behind metal bars? 

…Nothing would be the same. Nothing would be the same for him either after what his parents did but, again, nothing would have been the same from the very beginning. Just…this? This… 

He looked up drearily as people walked back into the courtroom. So they’d come to a decision after just two hours, huh? Convenient. 

Shin was the oldest. Usually the family burden would fall on him in times like this but he…had to make this better himself. No matter what happened, he…had to make this better. If nothing…nothing could be the same for him, it needed to be as close to the same for them. Like his dad said…they were his everything. And they couldn’t be broken. Not by Domo. He guessed he was an anchor in this family…and birds of a feather and all that shit. The irony kind of sickened him. 

Shin was clenching his head. Maybe he was questioning everything he believed in. The precinct mostly involved in this were under heavy investigation by government officials but, who knows? Maybe that’d be swept under the rug too. For everything Koji wanted to feel like it’d never happened, this…this wasn’t it. He wanted them to remember this corruption, this agony, that they caused his family. A mar on society? What about the limb they were getting ready to cut off of his family? 

Koji scowled when Izumi Craig came up and sat behind the distraught Jill, her eyes full of tears already. They…couldn’t protect her from this either. However, the blond man leaned forward and whispered something to her. She glanced back at him with a very…startled expression. He just nodded and patted her shoulder before leaning back. What? 

“Order, order” the judge called, silencing the room before Koji could ask Jill what was going on. “Jury, I would like to thank you for your service beforehand. In the case of the Yagami Yamada, what say you?”  
  
The lead juror stood, clearing her throat, “In…in the case of Yagami Yamada, sir, we find him ‘not guilty’.”  
  
…What? Shin looked up sharply and their mother actually let out a cry of relief, buckling over. Nelly and Tony rubbed her back as Koji…still wasn’t certain he heard right. Yamada slouched, appearing relieved as the courtroom was in a frenzy. 

Weirdly…he looked over his shoulder at Craig? Why? Look at mom! Except…he’d raised a brow and…Craig shook his head. Apparently this baffled their father more. Wait, what… 

…Had they tried to pay the jury off?? Yamada whispered something to Ole and apparently this amused the man. So… 

…So, the jury didn’t take the money…they just decided to rule ‘not guilty’ on their own. 

Koji finally breathed, Shin almost sobbing over this news. It… 

…It always somehow turned out okay for someone, didn’t it? 

Their father came over after an officer unshackled him with a warm smile and chuckled some when he saw Shin. “I don’t think I’ve seen you cry this much since you were a newborn, son.”  
  
“I’m…I’m just so glad…” Shin started, stammering.  
  
Yamada gave him a hug before going to Jill, Nelly, Shaun, and Tony. Koji…didn’t feel a whole lot right now. Relief, yes, but…nothing else. He…wanted to but…  
  
His dad came over and actually kissed his forehead. He whispered for his ears only: “I wake up every other day with nightmares caused by Domo from things that happened almost seventy years ago. I thought they’d stop but they never did. And neither did the fact that I’ve carried on and you’ve all been here with me. We can’t let Domo take that from us either. I promise, it’ll get better. Not easier…but better.”  
  
Koji swallowed hard, biting his lip and nodding. Yamada smiled broadly as he finally turned to their mom who stared at him miserably with a red puffy face. “Guess what, sweetie? You don’t have to visit me in prison.”  
  
“You have been an absolute asshole since I met you, Yagami Yamada.”  
  
“Yes, but somehow you never leave me. Thank you” he replied softly, embracing her completely and kissing the top of her head.  
  
“Ew” Shaun droned, “Get a room.”  
  
“Actually, that’s not a--”  
  
“Hush, _both of you_ ” Dana droned, smacking both of their arms.  
  
“Oiii, Yamada, get me a copy of your mugshot! I wanna frame it and put it on my wall!” Mina grinned, suddenly punching his hip.  
  
“I bet it was the cutest mugshot ever with this dorky face” Kari cooed.  
  
“I can’t believe an ol’ Wasaba boy beat the rap against a rich guy! Murder too!!” gasped Jum.  
  
Their dad made the _sourest_ face. “Are you guys really still here?”  
  
They all protested and poked him as he smiled, assuring that he was thankful they were _this far_ along with him at all. Ole came over with a stack of papers. “Well, you’re not _entirely_ off the hook, Yamada. You’ll have to do a hundred hours of community service to assure you’ve not become an elite villain in society.”  
  
“Imagine that” Craig smirked.  
  
“Oh, don’t worry, I have _more_ than enough community service for him to make up” Matsushima smiled darkly, coming out of the back where he’d been hiding through this entire trial.  
  
“Thank all of you for making me wish I’d gone to prison.”  
  
“Ole, what is this about you being a lawyer and not telling any of us?! Ya putz, you know how many times I’ve needed a good lawyer?!” demanded Mina. 

Ole laughed, handing the paperwork to Yamada, “That’s probably _exactly_ why I didn’t tell any of you I’m a lawyer, I’d be back over here left and right.”  
  
They all jabbered and joked around…it was actually nice to see their dad…had friends. Wow, that sounded strange. Koji rubbed his temple, feeling…dizzy. Yea…as always, things…things were always good. He picked up his phone and called Popuri, having promised he’d contact her. 

“Kochi?! What happened?! Is Yamada--”  
  
“They found him not guilty, baby, don’t fret.”  
  
“Oh, thank God!” she rasped, “Oh, I-I’m so relieved! Kids, your grandpa was found ‘not guilty’! He’s not going to jail!”  
  
Koji bit his lip. He almost laughed because that was probably not on his list of things he thought he’d ever hear in regards to his dad. ‘Hey kids, grandpa’s not getting thrown in the slammer!’. “Y-Yea.”  
  
“Are you going to stay at the mansion for a while? I’ve missed you so I may ride over.”  
  
“…No, I think I’m ready to come home.”  
  
…Maybe. Popuri was telling him something but…he felt deliriously tired. He was about to tell her that he couldn’t wait to see her, his wife he’d been neglecting because his world was imploding right and left. It just…suddenly felt like the world was snatched from beneath him… 

…He needed to start over. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
“What is wrong with my baby, Yamada?” Dana demanded, standing behind him.  
  
Yamada gravely stared at the images they took of the unconscious Koji’s brain. It…really hadn’t occurred to him that his son would continue to have issues now that the truth had come out. It hadn’t seemed to be a seizure either, just him slipping to the floor. “Dana, I believe he’s just exhausted. It’s been a long…period.”  
  
Nelly looked aggravated, sitting beside his brother. “…And how long is this ‘long period’ going to last? Is…is he going to have to live with attacks like this now?”  
  
“I’m here! Oh my God, is he okay?”  
  
Popuri rushed in next, alarmed. Yamada gave her a smile, “He’s fine, dear. I think he’s just tired.”  
  
Popuri let out a breath before sitting next to him on the hospital bed, stroking his hair. “My poor Kochi…”  
  
Surprisingly, Koji’s eyes slowly opened and he seemed blank for a second before smiling at his wife. “Hey, beautiful.”  
  
“Hi, sweetie. Are you okay?” she murmured, rubbing his cheek, “They said you’re tired…”  
  
“Mm…a little” he admitted faintly before looking around slowly, “…Why am I in the hospital though with you all dressed like you’re getting ready for my funeral?”  
  
…What? Yamada slowly turned around to look at Koji, confused. Nelly raised a brow, “…We like, didn’t even get a chance to get _out_ of court before you passed out, ya’ goof.”  
  
“Court? What are you talking about?”  
  
…Koji seemed genuinely confused. Dana fell silent as Popuri rasped, “Koji…what’s…what’s the last thing you remember?”  
  
“…I think we were at lunch at some café?”  
  
… _No_. 

Yamada slowly covered his mouth as all of their children looked stunned. _No_. Not after…not after _all this_. After all the progress he’d made and everything, why would it… _no_! 

“What’s…what’s wrong?” Koji frowned at them, “…Is…there something I should know?”  
  
_No_ . Not again. “Koji, do you remember Domo? Do you-do you remember him hurting you?” Yamada rasped.  
  
Koji made a face, “…Hurting me? Not really…I barely remember that guy anyway.”  
  
He yawned, stretching, “But I _am_ beat _._ Am I in some horrible deathly condition or can I leave?”  
  
“…No” Yamada murmured, feeling his stomach knot. He… “You’re…you’re free…”  
  
“You drive in, baby?” he asked Popuri, standing.  
  
“Y-Yes…” she whispered, staring at him in disbelief.  
  
“Cool. You riding back, Nell? Jill?”  
  
“…Sure” Nelly mumbled.  
  
Jill nodded slowly and Koji smiled, kissing Dana’s cheek and patting Yamada’s shoulder. “All righty. See you guys later.”  
  
“…Yea.”  
  
Shaun and Tony numbly wandered away, Shin just standing there with his hands in his pockets. He swiftly shook his head, “Maybe…maybe it was just too much for him. A lot…a lot came on him at once, maybe he just couldn’t handle it and…whatever decided to bury it again.”  
  
“…Maybe” Dana replied, looking to him for confirmation.  
  
…Yamada nodded to make them feel better. Perhaps. Perhaps it was a lot of stress and his subconscious did need a break or…something. It seemed…rather convenient. And it wasn’t good. He was certain that, if this lasted, everyone would see it as a good thing but it wasn’t. 

No matter how buried it was, some things…always came back to the light. And they’d start all over again, as dirty and broken as before. It…it felt a bit lonely, as terrible as it sounded. Koji deserved to be free though.  
  
…He’d do what he had to do. Yamada looked to Dana and solemnly reached for her hand. “…I think I’m ready to go home too.”  
  
His wife looked up and smiled softly, “…Yes. I…I guess we…did make it through, huh?”  
  
When he met Kobayashi Dana, he hadn’t thought a thing of it. Not that she’d change his life and have him make something of himself. Not that she’d have his brood of children. None of this… 

As they walked out, hand in hand, people whispering as they saw him, the homicidal healer from Wasaba, he wondered if any of it would have mattered without her. She was the beginning of his everything… 

Their legacy.  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

**End Notes:  
  
** When Yamada is in the kind of famous “purgatory” some of the characters have featured, Hotel California by The Eagles is playing in the background.  
**  
** Koji was listening to Korn’s Dirty.  
  
So! This was a _long ass story._ Was not even slightly expecting that but I should have. This is like, the very beginnings of the basis for this whole story. And no, none of this was even slightly fabricated recently. I guess I watched too much Law and Order: SVU at twelve (?) but Koji in the original story was molested very much into his teens by Domo before escaping. As I grew older, the events in my head started shaping more who he was. He was traditionally a lot like Nelly without that looming darkness but naturally, you don’t come out of that situation lightly.  
  
That being said, I will be retiring this concept. I have all of the other stories plotted out for the remainder of the series and I don’t plan to involve sexual abuse anymore. It appears so often for, to me, the ability to force such an act on someone unwillingly is one of the most horrendous acts of all. It’s too calculated, it’s too vile. It’s been in many stories because I just struggle with anything more despicable than that. But, at some point, it becomes a carrier. It’s a ‘go to’ for depicting terrible people and I don’t want to lessen it to something like a carrier for the stories. Now that this one, the oldest case of this horrendousness, is out of the way, we should be smooth sailing. Unlike the twins promise I made and broke like…four times, I’m pretty serious about this. I won’t say depictions of nonconsensual to depict unacceptable forms of affections won’t appear but not like this.  
  
I do expect maybe some slack for Dana and Yamada’s decision. I think there are a lot of things people would like to forget but what happened with Koji is another form of nonconsenting. And Koji concluding it wouldn’t have mattered anyway is just him accepting that forced memory loss. I don’t think either character is faultless between the couple but I think we all come to regret things at some point. Oh, and, originally I did not write this with any specific decrying of the police and, while still fiction, given the atmosphere as of late, if the shoe fits.  
  
I liked finding out a little more about Shin. He’s weirdly developed but _not_ developed as one of the Yagami Six. Like he’s the police/army dude that can be on the scene and ready but I definitely have some inspiration for his short story. That might be my next thing.  
  
_Where is Yamada’s mom and Souma? Ayame?_ Probably going to be another side chapter.  
  
_Rosie and Choco?_ Couldn’t fit them into the end, for some reason. I’m sure they’re around.  
  
_Yamada has another tattoo_ ? _Why don’t his kids know_? For some reason I can’t see Yamada running around shirtless with his kids. However, I was going to leave this to my deep readers but the tattoo is on his side. A couple chapters back it was revealed Yamada got assaulted and ‘hafu shi’ was cut into his side. He covered up the scar with his family’s name.  
  
Finally? _Why, after everything, would Koji just forget all this?_ See Chapter 13 of Third Generation in Chronology, Section 20.  
  
Now I will go try to finish my _other_ monstrosity, ENDGAME, and write some stuff on the side. My releases may very well be like this in the future, dear readers. I’m in a nice position in my company and it’s very time consuming but don’t think I’m not here plugging along (if THIS ginormous thing isn’t any indicator).  
  
Much love, 

Dark Ryuu  



End file.
